#101 How to SHINE in DARK Times

Rachel Denning (00:01.102)
Good morning my friends. Welcome to another episode of the Extraordinary Family Life podcast. We are living in extraordinary times. Times to be remembered. Times we are all going to look back on and have some form of remembrance or memory. And what we remember is largely going to be determined by how we respond and act.

And I have to emphasize this so much. You guys, this is our children's childhood. This, think about that. Let that sink in. This is their childhood. This is their life. This is part of their life. It may be a very formative part of their life. The coming weeks and months may shape greatly the perspective and paradigm and the course of their life. Even. Wow. Let that sink in.

And not only is it their life, it's our life. I had a talk with my kids recently, Rachel, I sat them down and we just had a sobering talk about the realities. And I said, you know, I wish, I wish this didn't happen in our time. In fact, we always said there's a line even in the, the toll story wrote with Gandalf and, oh, I can't remember one of the hobbits. And you know, he was talking about hard times and say, yeah, we all wish it. It wouldn't have happened in our time.

Right? And everybody wishes it wouldn't have happened in their time. But when it does, it is our opportunity to step up. And so today I want to talk about like taking advantage of what we do have and that we are literally living in very historical times that man, the stories that will come out of this, the, the histories, the creative awesomeness that's going to come out of this. Cause creative people are at home.

writing books, writing plays, writing movie scripts, writing music, creating art, painting, drawing. I mean, there's, there's going to be some poetry, whatever. I mean, there's going to be so much creativity come out of this. And a lot of people are taking advantage of it. And a lot of people are doing great things or spending time together with their families. And as I was, I continued to coach here, working with my clients,

Rachel Denning (02:25.518)
And because we've been doing the coaching is going through his coaching journey. I have to share their successes. You guys, they are, they're just on top of it because we had been working to get their mindset dialed in, to get their habits dialed in, right? You get the routines and rituals and, and attitude, everything just dialed in and optimized. Cause that's, that's what high performance coaching is. It's about getting your life fully optimized. And so when you're healthy and strong, you're mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, socially, financially on your game.

Then you're rolling something like this. You're like, this is great. And a lot of them are saying to me, this is fantastic. I mean, all this time with our family and, and we're focused, we're reading, we're hitting it. Um, I had some coaching sessions yesterday and a couple of my clients said like, this is literally, I'm, I feel better now than I've ever felt in my life, in my life, getting up early, exercising, reading, writing, working on my priorities, working on my big projects that are meaningful and fulfilling.

Right? While other people are falling apart. And I, and I feel, I genuinely feel so sad. And a lot of it is, is habits, routines, principles and practices that just work and skillset, right? We practice these skills to get it in place and all of us can do this. We can all do this. We can all choose a respond. And that's what I'm gonna talk about today. And I want this to be relevant. This podcast is going to be relevant for years to come. Not just right now.

with what's happening with the economy and the COVID -19 virus. But this has been the story of humanity and will continue to be the story of humanity where because of outside forces, we end up in really difficult situations or circumstances. And we really have kind of two options of, of we throw in the towel and say, there's nothing we can do or we say, oh no.

They can never take away my power. There's always something I can do. And my mind has been reviewing this past week, all of the great examples of men and women who lived through extraordinary extraordinarily difficult circumstances and situations where things were forced upon them. Of course, there's just unbelievable amounts of great literature and stories from World War II.

Rachel Denning (04:53.422)
Man, there's a movie in French called a bag of marbles one of my favorites Wow, the other one and there was light by Jacques Luceron and man you should all read that one That's one of my all -time favorites and he's a blind boy in Paris who ends up as a teenage boy who's 100 % blind ends up leaving the French underground resistance against the Nazis Talk about rising above your circumstances Wow

And of course a great classic, The Hiding Place with Betsy and Cory. And another favorite of mine, World War II time is called Bonehofer by Eric Metaxas. And it's about Dietrich Bonehofer who grew up in Berlin and was a preacher, wanted to become a preacher. And then his whole story where he eventually gets in on plots to assassinate Hitler. Like just the...

unbelievable. One of my favorite books and stories. And then another great classic much, much earlier in European history, um, by Nataxis. He's a great biographer on Martin Luther. And I did not know hardly anything about Martin Luther. And that story is unreal because Martin Luther was just a thinker and he was just thinking. And so he put his thesis up on the door, right? He pounded, he said, I have all these questions is we got to answer these questions. Here's what I find in the Bible. I see these questions.

And it was a time where you didn't question the church and you speak out against church. If you did, you're, you're most likely a dead man. And he went through all that, that time period. And it was intense. Just a whole, that biography is incredible. If you like biographies and you like history books, read that one. It is so good. So good. And I've been thinking about so many others. Uh, the great example in Genesis of Joseph being sold by his brothers into slavery. Yo, talk about a.

miserable situation forced upon you being sold into slavery by your own brothers and then making the most of it and then getting thrown into prison in Egypt because of Potiphar's wife and again making the most of it and then rising above it and and both of those experiences in fact all of that made it possible for him to become a high -ranking official in Egypt that ended up, you know saving

Rachel Denning (07:19.373)
saving how many lives? I don't know. We don't know. Millions maybe? And including his own family in Israel? I mean, he has prepared the way. And so, and again, on and on and on. Oh, and the other one, Unbroken is another great one. And then, man, there's just so many, there's so many great stories of incredible men and women who became incredible because of the pressure, because of the time, because of the forced circumstances upon them. And they refused.

to play the victim. They refuse to lay down and die.

and it literally shaped the course of their life. This is what Marcus Aurelius said, what stands in the way becomes the way. Right? Let that hit home. What stands in the way becomes the way. So the obstacles away, the impediment we think is in front of us, it is the way. It's the thing that actually brings us to where we ultimately want to go. How often in life are our trials

and our struggles and the things we wish we didn't have to go through, the very thing that becomes the way for us to become who we want to be and leads us to our best life. Let me ask that of you.

How many of your really challenging trials and difficulties have shaped you? Have made you? Right, have you had failures and setbacks and difficulties that without them you wouldn't have been in the right place or time or state of mind or condition? You wouldn't have grown as much as you did. You with me? Like this is 100 % true for my life.

Rachel Denning (09:07.117)
And when you're in it, it's gut wrenching. It's miserable. And you're just like, oh, I just wish I was out of this. But like Jim Rono always said, don't wish it were different, wish you were better. And we outgrow our trials, our challenges, our difficulties. We see them as not something that's in our way, but something that is our way.

Woo! Right? Man, I love these and I love looking for stories and examples like this and remembering that perspective. Like, what can this teach me? What can I gain from this that I couldn't get any other way? How is this a wonderful pattern interrupt? Right? That just jumps in my path. We were heading down this little path, busy, busy, busy doing all these things. How can I take advantage of this?

to become my best self. And for our children, it's our life and it's their life.

And we can always choose our attitude and our actions, even though our actions may be limited, right? We still can take advantage of the new opportunities that are made available. And I just feel like I want to raise this warning voice. Don't waste the opportunities that are right in front of you right now.

We actually have a lot fewer excuses right now than we did before. Some of us were so busy and so had so many demands on our plates and those have been removed. Now the temptation is my friends, we switch from one set of excuses to another, right? We put our creativity to work and before it was blaming all these things. Now it's blaming all these things. And we just switched from one set of excuses to the other. And we continue to play the victim.

Rachel Denning (11:08.941)
I want to, I want to invite you to think about this differently. Say what? Just put on, put on new, a new lens here. What opportunities is this giving me? What chance is this giving me here to really level up, to do something different, to make a shift. Some of you might make a massive shift in your career because of this. So you might make a shift in life because of this.

in your family, in your personal life, in your pursuits, you might learn a new language that just changes the course of your life during this time. You might pick up a new skill set. You might read several books that literally change you. You with me? Like this, this is awesome. This is awesome. But we have to focus on what we can do, not on what we cannot do.

Can I invite you to consider that and commit to that? Focus on what we can do, not on what we can't do. So here I hear my hand, I have a beautiful hardbound copy of the Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas. Right? And I love this book. What a great, great book and a great story.

And for those of you who aren't familiar with it, or even if you are, I'll recount it. So there's this young sailor named Edmond Dantes. And just a fantastic person. You can tell, you know, get in the story. He's just a great young man. A lot of integrity, a lot of goodness. And he's about to get married. He's engaged to this beautiful girl.

And the others around him, some of his sailors are jealous of him and he gets the opportunity to lead a ship and the others are jealous of his fiance and of his life and his opportunities. And so they come up with this scheme to get him thrown into this notorious prison filled with innocent people. And so he gets thrown in prison on this little island called the Chateau d 'If. And it's off the coast of Marseille, which I almost went.

Rachel Denning (13:28.493)
One time was so saddened. I had wanted to go for years and we were there, but the seas were too rough. So we didn't get to go out to the Chateau d 'If. I'll go back someday. Anyways, so he gets thrown in prison. And as far as I remember the history, let me think about it, you guys. His life has been robbed from him unjustly. He's an innocent man. He gets thrown in prison by corrupt people.

He's trying to convince the guards of his innocence and they're like, oh yeah, everybody in here is innocent. And they throw him in his cell and he's stuck in solitary confinement. And then naturally we all think, okay, you're stuck in solitary confinement as an innocent person. Everyone knows, you know, they know you're innocent. You're not going anywhere. You're just going to rot. What can you do? And a lot of us would do this. We'd think, well, there's nothing I can do. I'm stuck here. And so he just sits.

And I may be wrong on the year, but I think it was something like 11 years or I can't remember. He just sits there for years doing nothing. Just rotting, thinking first of vengeance and hatred and anger and bitterness. Thinking of his fiance, thinking of his freedoms, his life, his opportunities, all gone. And just he wasted away doing nothing. Well then one day...

into his cell from up from out of the ground and a man digs into his cell and what there's a man in my cell right and it's the guy in the cell next to him who was trying to tunnel out and he made a miscalculation and came up into Dante's cell and he starts to talk to him and you know see who it is and it's a man who was a priest.

Abbe Faria is his name. And they become friends and then, beautifully, Faria becomes his mentor.

Rachel Denning (15:33.613)
And he learns that Feria had, during the time that Dante's has been sitting there rotting because what can you possibly do in solitary confinement, right? Not so. Feria had been thinking and learning and growing and improving and drawing. He'd befriend the guards and was getting supplies and, you know, I may even be, if you haven't seen the books amazing, the movie's great, the book's better. I'm probably even mixing details there but.

But he was in there and he was just a brilliant, brilliant person. So he decides to teach him. And Dante's is like, just so thrilled. Like, teach me all you know. And he's like, he lists out, you know, he says there's about 150 of the best books ever. They ought to be reading. And he was going through in his mind all these things and all the things he knew. And he ends up teaching him and just helping him become an extraordinary man. And I want to read just a couple of paragraphs here from the story because it's so fitting for our day, my friends. It's so fitting for our day and our time.

I don't think any of us are this bad where we're locked in solitary confinement in a prison. We have access to so many resources still. And yet sadly, many of us I think slip into this, this mode of, oh, what's the point? Oh, we can't, we can't do anything. When in reality, there's so much we can do still. So, so much. But then we slip into this, oh, I'm just going to sit here. And so we stop exercising.

We turn to more junk food and too much of it. And we turn to media and entertainment and buffering and numbing and whatever we can. People are turning to their addictions and their vices and they're squandering the opportunity. Which makes you think of what Benjamin Franklin said. He says, does thou love life? Then do not squander time. Do not waste time. Squander means to waste.

Do not squander time because that's the stuff life is made of. And you've heard me quote Darwin who said, any man who dares waste an hour of time does not understand the meaning of life.

Rachel Denning (17:48.973)
Wow, right? Wow. And again, the reminder that it's just so profound and powerful to me. This is our children's childhood. And this is our life. This is our chance. This is our opportunity to really go after it. Man, I love this stuff. And so Dante says to him to his now his friend now mentor, he says, you must impart to me a little of your knowledge. Otherwise, an ignoramus. That's the word in here. I love that.

and ignoramus like myself will only be a bore to you. I am sure that you must prefer solitude to a companion without education such as I am. If you do what I ask, I promise to speak no more of escaping because he was just constantly endlessly speaking about escaping. And so the Abbe said, alas, my good friend, said the Abbe smiling, human knowledge is very limited. And when I have taught you mathematics and physics and history,

and the three or four living languages that I speak, you will know all that I know. It will not take more than two years to give you the knowledge I possess. Two years, exclaimed Dantes. Do you really think you can teach me all these things in two years? What will you teach first? I'm anxious to begin. I'm thirsting for knowledge. And that self -same evening, the two prisoners, and I think this line is so powerful right there.

That self same evening, the two prisoners, they're prisoners, they're in prison, they're both innocent, they're in prison. And what are they doing? Are they sitting there bemoaning their situation? No way. The two prisoners drew up a plan for the younger man's education and began to put it into execution the next day. And Dante's had a prodigious memory and a great facility for assimilation.

I love that word. Look it up in the dictionary. It's very powerful. The mathematical turn of his mind gave him aptitude for all kinds of calculation. While the sense of poetry that is in every sailor gave life to dryness of figures and severity of lines. Oh, it's awesome. I love this. Okay. One more paragraph. This is so good. Just, just as little piece right here is so profound that you can see, you can picture in your mind's eye, these two prisoners, innocent.

Rachel Denning (20:16.397)
stuck in this cell with very little, very few resources, right? And yet insane amounts of resourcefulness.

and a hunger and a drive.

that drove them to transcend their poor circumstances.

towards their own greatness.

Let me read a few more lines. Whether it was the distraction afforded him by his study had taken the place of liberty or because he adhered strictly to the promise given to the Abbe, he made no further reference to escaping. In other words, he didn't talk about it being over anymore. He didn't complain about...

Rachel Denning (21:16.493)
the difficulty of the circumstances. I think that's a profound lesson for all of us. We don't have to sit around talking about it, complaining about it, because I don't know of any situation that gets better because of complaining and whining. And yet many of us complain and whine too much. It actually makes our situation worse. It just aggravates it. He didn't talk about it anymore. And the days passed rapidly.

Each day adding to his store of knowledge. And I love this line right here. At the end of the year, he was a different man. Man, I love great literature and great books and great life lessons. There it is my friends. He became a different person and he didn't complain anymore. He didn't focus on it. He was so focused on what he could do. So focused on improvement and growth and contribution and change and transformation.

that the time passes and it becomes enjoyable and exciting and even passes too quickly as we're transforming ourselves. And I think we all have before us this opportunity right now in this particular crisis and we will have it again in other crises as life rolls out. There's going to be challenges, right? Some will experience natural disasters. Some will experience other local or isolated economic disasters or personal.

economic or or health disasters, others will experience wartime and all that comes with that. So it's it's the story of life and we can't expect I'm not a look I'm not a doomsayer and I'm not I'm not you know I'm an optimist here but it's the story of life as you study you study history and humanity you realize people go through incredibly difficult times. Those who take advantage of it and focus on what they can do and focus on their own

transformation they come out of it radiant and transformed which Dante's does he comes out now as the count of Monte Cristo and he finds the treasure but the the beauty of the story is he had to become an incredible individual first and then the money because money is just a magnifier just magnifies who we are remember that money is just a magnifier.

Rachel Denning (23:45.197)
And so because he became refined and educated, he got a world -class education there, learned multiple languages. You know, there's parts of there where he learned, you know, fencing, sword fighting, and martial arts, and all the stuff. So then with the money now, he was speaking multiple languages. He was brilliant, just absolutely brilliant. And many people think this book is a book on revenge. And I didn't see that. I didn't see that message. He actually sought to bring justice to very unjust people who had escaped justice.

and we're living a gigantic lie and harming so many people outside of justice. So he brought justice back to them. And then eventually ended up going on with his life, right? And man, it's, but the story of transformation there and having the mentor to guide you through that. And I think what an opportunity for you and for me and for our children that we can be their mentors or we can hire outside mentors. That's, that's critical, especially for teenagers. They need outside mentors. You guys, they need outside mentors.

Just because that's the, that's literally the transformation they're having going on in their heads at this time. And adolescents, their brains are rewiring. There's a great book called the brainstorm about this and they're rewiring and they need independence. And so they often, uh, will block at or resist what comes from their parents. Um, and it's not, I always tell people parents, I'm like, it's not personal. It's, it's biological. Like they're just going through this transition and we want them to go through it. So they become independent people. And so it's extremely valuable to get outside mentors. That's literally why.

I just do a couple of classes with youth. I love youth. I love helping. I want to help them because they're at this. They're at a stage in life. They're at a crossroads where it can really shape the direction of their lives. So I have a couple of classes I do on habits for a successful life and then heroes from history. And we're reading Alexander Hamilton right now, which is so good. And another excellent example, the section we're in right now is like, he's right in the middle of he, well, he grew up. Oh man, let me share his story real quick. He grew up in.

unbelievably difficult and wretched circumstances on these little islands in the Caribbean in the late 1700s or mid 1700s and Man, his life was so hard his dad abandoned them His mom's life was so hard. She had a rough go and then she ended up dying and he and his older brother are orphaned and then they go to stay with some other people and they die and Then say with some other people and they die

Rachel Denning (26:10.509)
But he just works and works and works and even in the hardest circumstances, he's just devouring any book he can get his hands on. And he's trying to improve his skill sets trying to learn everything he can. And he just becomes a voracious learner. And his intensity for personal development, like shaped his life and then through him, the course of history. And perhaps,

changed the world literally because of what he did with both his pen and his sword. Wow. And then he, then he fights his way up into university. And then while he's in university, the revolution breaks out and he, he uses his mind, his brilliant mind, his pen. He was writing essays and responses to the British people at the time. And this whole story is incredible. And then he goes in the war and he,

He just resolved, absolutely resolved, even with, with the limited resources they have. And they were, they were outnumbered unbelievably. Right. And even with that, he stepped up and he said, no, we will do everything with absolute excellence. And his little unit was one of the best dressed and best trained units in all of the army. He just had this commitment to excellence in spite of all the difficulties and all the disadvantages he had.

Right. And when the rest of us are blaming all that, I don't have time to resource on this other stuff. There are people around us who instead of focusing on what they can't do, they focus on what they can do and they do it in such an extraordinary way that it transforms him and they lead out. And then many just go, Oh, they're so lucky. They're so gifted. No, not at all. They just refused to be conquered. They, they refused to be kept down.

And that's, that's what I want to share as a message for you and me and for our children, for our families, for our friends and our neighbors. Let's share this, share this episode, share this message. Like it is possible to just be crushing it with success and happiness right now. And I, because we're doing it and my clients are doing it. There's just proven principles and practices. There are keys to success that they just work for everybody.

Rachel Denning (28:38.541)
Like they're there. It's like this recipe that just works. And those who are committed to living according to those principles, get the results even and especially I would say in difficult circumstances and hard times. Wow. So share this stuff, level up, commit to it, read great books, discipline yourself, set up routines and schedules.

live by your principles and practices. Learn, learn the practices of greatness right now. There's a formula. I mean the extraordinary family life formula. If you don't have that yet, go to, go to greatdenny .com and get that it's free. It's a free training on extraordinary family formula. It's just putting all these principles and practices together. So our homes, whether we're closed in right now or things get back to a new normal, like whatever we can live by those things day in and day out. And they bring us the results we want.

And we can rise. We can rise above mediocrity. We can rise above these undesirable circumstances that happen anytime in our lives. And literally what stands in the way becomes the way my friends. I love that. The obstacle is our way. It's the thing that's going to bring us what we really truly want. It's the thing that can, if we let it and make it transform.

us and our lives into something so much better.

Wow.

Rachel Denning (30:20.109)
Wow, I love this stuff. Remember that every single moment we are training for greatness. Please do not squander this time.

Let it be some of the happiest, most fulfilling moments of your life.

Let them be whatever they need to be for you, but focused, purposeful. Make them count. Make your moments count. And if you need some help, we have all kinds of training and resources. We did a Rachel and I did this. It ended up going two and a half hour of a live training on helping our families just thrive in this time. It was, Oh, it was awesome. It's so fun.

so much interaction and all kinds of great questions. And so we decided we're going to do that every week. And we have we have trainings in the resources for every every part of family life and the coaching. So if you need some help, let me help. Let me help. We've we've been through unbelievably hard times before and we know it works. And good times and tough times, it just works. So, yes, let's go go out and crush it, nail it, take advantage of opportunities.

Live at your very best. Make our moments matter and count for greatness. Reach upward.