#115 Looking back from your own future

Rachel Denning (00:00.59)
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the Extraordinary Family Life podcast. Don't you just love, love, love learning from older people? I love it. You get so much insight, so much perspective. Today, my boys and I had the opportunity to go visit two different elderly ladies who are living alone now.

and in their 70s and 80s. And it was, it was fascinating. My two teenage boys and I, we just loved it. All three of us sat there just beaming and listening and asking questions. It was phenomenal just to learn about their lives and how things have changed in their world and how, you know, just totally different experiences, right? One grew up in the rural country, South Georgia, and went then moved into the...

the then the big city of Birmingham, Alabama in the 40s and 50s and just all the things that she saw and experienced and her life experiences and now she has, she told us her youngest is now 60 years old. Her youngest is almost 20 years older than I am. It's amazing and she has of course grandkids and.

great grandkids and if I'm not mistaken she said she has one great great grandbaby now. What! This is so awesome right? So this family and then the other wonderful woman we got to sit down with and talk to has traveled all over the world and she was a single mom with four kids and she made it happen. She made it a priority and

And she even had to put some of her trips on a credit card, but she's like, it was worth it to me. I just had to do it. I had to have those experiences. And she did all over the world. She told me these extraordinary experiences and people she met and things she learned and ah -has and... Oh, it was amazing! Stories from... We heard all kinds of cool stuff today from the one lady bought her first acre of land for $100.

Rachel Denning (02:21.613)
And then she gave us this nugget of insight. She said, I didn't have an investing mindset back then. So the property behind me, the 40 acre property behind me was for sale for $2 ,000. We could have bought it and it's currently listed for more than a million. Wow. Wow. Right. And, oh man, just, just opportunities that they talked about. Well, and here's, here's the big takeaway, the big aha.

And you've had this experience and I want to really invite you and challenge you to do this today. When people get to the last years of their life and whether that's the 20 more or two more, you never know. But when you get to those last years, you spend your time thinking about your life.

And it's actually, that's one of the reasons I love, love, love connecting with, with people who are further along the road than me, because they look back and they often, that's really what they do. Many of them don't have a forward facing look because they, they realize they're getting near the end of their lives. And so it's no longer forward facing like you and I, right? We're, we're forward facing. We're, Oh, what am I going to do? What's coming? What's going on here? Where am I heading? What's, what's life going to be like when you feel like you're at the near the end of your life, you don't look forward anymore.

because it feels like it's coming to an end, so you look back. And they talk about it and they reflect on it. And so many, if not most, or all of their conversations are reflections of their life. And they often consider, carefully consider the things they've done and the things they didn't do. And it gives so much clarity and so much perspective about...

either gratitude or remorse. But here's a cool thing. You and I, we have the opportunity to do this in small increments. Um, even on a day to day, like every night we can just pause for a minute and ask ourselves, how did I do today? And that right there, that one practice, like let me just drive this home. That one practice of pausing for a moment in the evening and say, asking yourself, how did I do today?

Rachel Denning (04:46.381)
that one practice can alter the course of your life. Because you'll stop doing the things that you regret doing during the day, and you'll start doing the things that you regret not doing during the day. Right? And if you feel grateful and happy and contented that you did certain things, you'll keep repeating those. That'll direct your life. And so you and I, we can do that on a daily, we can do it with a conversation even. We can get down to moments. We can have a conversation afterwards, say, what? What do I wish I would have said?

not said. How do I wish I would approach that differently from a meeting to an interview to anytime you sit down with somebody anytime you serve a client or customer any interaction with your children? I mean, pause and think of that. We can do it on birthdays. We can do it on New Year's. We can do it the end of the month. You can throw an alert on your calendar the last day of every month. Just give yourself a little time for reflection to say, how did I do? How did I do? And do that.

But here's the other thing I want to invite you to do. I want to challenge you and invite you to jump to the end of your life. Those last years, maybe not necessarily the last moment, but the last years. And I want you to look back from your own future.

And this is going to take a little bit of mental effort and practice, but see yourself in the future and look back. And you'll look back at this time right now. I mean, it's interesting how often we want to just get through certain times. If I can just get the kids out of diapers, if I can just get them through this stage, if I can just, you know, and you go, can I, if I just get out of high school, if I can just get out of college, if I can just get through this first job and get out of this first house and.

And we keep wanting to get through it, get through it, get through it, get through it. And I want to invite you to look back from the future, your own future, and evaluate how you're doing. How's life going? Are you living with the right balance you want? It's super easy to get out of balance, to spend too much time chasing the dollars.

Rachel Denning (07:03.213)
or not enough time chasing dollars as is the case with some of you. It's easy to get caught up in the drama, to shrink back into our little world and only see what's right in our faces. You know what I'm talking about? Like, it's easy to lose sight of the big picture and bigger things and just, you really just see what's...

What's happening currently, whether that's in your neighborhood, in your family, in your extended family, in your community, in your neighborhood, in your state, in your country.

It's easy to get to shrink back into that and only see that. And that's why, that's why it's so critical that we, and I do this regularly. I literally jump ahead to the end of my life or near the end of my life, my last years. And I, and I look back at my mind and I'll, I'll ask myself things like, what am I so grateful for? I don't think about it. And for me, deep, deep gratitude of living with purpose, living with passion and enthusiasm.

taking risks. Right? For me, I find a tremendous amount of value looking back and saying, yeah, I'm grateful I took the risks. Some of them did not work out, but oh, I'm glad I did because the greatest risk is the risk of not really living. I've just at the end looking back and say, well, that was a real mediocre existence. That for me personally is the greatest risk. Right? So I'm grateful I took those risks. I'm grateful.

that I prioritized my time and my thoughts and my feelings and my energy to relationships, to connections, to staying really close to my family, to my sweetheart, investing in our marriage, really, really investing in our marriage. Because if you don't do that, once the kids are gone, watch out.

Rachel Denning (09:09.005)
you better be investing in your marriage all along. And if the only thing you're doing right now is just kind of doing life together, you're acting more like roommates, and you're paying the bills and taking care of the house and running errands and raising kids, well when all that's kind of taken care of, things slow down, then what do you have? Man, you better be investing in your marriage and investing in each of your kids, because the strain's gonna come. And I'm grateful, looking back from today, looking back and...

when I do this in the future, looking back, that I made massive sacrifices in behalf of my children, whether that's financial sacrifices for their benefit, investing in them or like we've, Rachel and I have spent tens and tens and tens of thousands of dollars to make sure our kids have extraordinary experiences, life -changing experiences. We've taken them all around the world and I will forever be grateful for that.

because of the memories, the connections, the lessons. It's worth it. It's so worth it. Grateful for that. But then I also want you to do, and I invite you to do this, because I do it also, is get to the end of life and look back and say, what do I regret? And just imagine it. And I talked about this early on in one of my early podcasts, but I'm going to revisit it here. And it was so powerful today to sit and listen to these wonderful ladies.

talk about the things they wish they would have done differently and the things they were grateful they did and just the lessons and the perspective, the ahas, the insights that come from just reflecting on a full life.

And I just sat there, I'm so grateful my teenage boys were there listening and they were just fully engaged, it was beautiful. But for me, reflecting on like, okay, how am I doing right now? How am I doing with the next, you know, I've got another, well, 15, 16 years until our youngest daughter moves out. And our oldest just is kind of moving out. Wow, right?

Rachel Denning (11:17.357)
So how am I approaching all this? What are we going to do with our time and our efforts and our energy? Am I keeping balance between business and health and family and service and contribution and impact? All this stuff matters so much. And when, when I talk to people, most of the time, my friends, when I talk to elderly people, people that are nearing the end of their lives, when you, when they talk about things they regret, most of the time, the vast majority of the time,

What they regret is not what things they've done, but the things they did not do. That comes up a lot. They wish they had taken that trip. Or they wish they'd been more courageous. They wish they'd kept more balance.

They wish they had kind of lived more boldly. And then interesting, you guys ever felt like that? I felt like that many times where you have opportunities to experience life and you have a chance to try something, but you hold back, you hesitate, you're like, no, I'm not gonna do it. You're not gonna take the shot, right? So to speak. And then afterwards you're like, why didn't I just take the shot? What's the big idea? Why didn't I just raise my voice? Why didn't I just say what I was thinking? Why didn't I just raise my hand and say, yeah, count me in?

Why didn't I go for that position? Why didn't we decide to take a leap and make a change and move somewhere else and do something different? Right, you with me? Oh, I love this stuff. I love thinking about this. So today, my friends, I just love you guys so much and I want all of us to live with purpose and with passion to feel.

truly alive, like we genuinely are living, not just existing, not just being here.

Rachel Denning (13:19.085)
but that we feel so good, so grateful. And I get it, I get it. You get disengaged, you get frustrated with all the demands on you from other places and sometimes you just wanna throw in the towel. You just wanna check out. I get it, some days you don't wanna be a parent. You're like, no, I don't like parenting. I don't like having kids, right? Some of you are like.

You have days where you don't like being married.

Or you don't like doing work. You don't like exercising because you just grind. Ugh. Right?

Let's choose to be fully engaged. Let's opt in.

living.

Rachel Denning (14:10.989)
Let's keep the big perspective. Don't lose sight of the big picture, the big story you're trying to live in the moment. Some of you are probably taking risks right now. In fact, some of you that I'm coaching are taking some massive risks and it's so exciting to watch you doing this. Don't lose sight of the big story that you're living, the life story that you're writing, so to speak, in the moment of grind.

when things are tough and you have to put in the work.

You have to work on yourself. Right. And you have to eat large portions of humble pie. I try, I try to have self -servings of humble pie often because I have been humbled so many times by life. Oh my goodness. So many times just been rock.

I literally it's like part of my it's in my philosophy journal. It's just kind of part of my Weekly rituals just to remind myself like you know Greg You don't know anything You're nobody like you don't get this just serve up a big portion of humble pie friend and Just sit with it, and it's good. It's a good reminder

good or minor. It's actually a hard concept on this one. Just a little side note here. Like, because we tell our kids, I'm like, we're simultaneously, it's like two sides of the coin, right? Well, simultaneously, you're nothing and you're everything, right? You are, you individually are the most precious being. You're everything. You matter so much. You're of infinite worth. And on the other side of the coin, you're nothing.

Rachel Denning (16:12.173)
You're nobody. You're not. There's so little you know and can do. And we're just we're fragile human beings here experimenting in life. Right. Oh man. Just it's humbling. And so this big big picture anyways I just want to share some thoughts. I'm just kind of rambling on now. I love you guys. And I want us to do life well. And I find consistently the best way to do that is with the big picture perspective.

Not just living, not shrinking back, like I said, into the moment or into your own little world or your own little space and time. Like see the big picture of who you really want to be, how you really want to live, how you want to treat people, how you want to do life. Will you do that today? We get clear about it. Will you spend some time thinking about it, please? And then talk to your spouse about it. If you're married, talk to friends about it. If you're not, and talk to your kids about it and say, Hey, you guys,

How do we want to do life here? When we get to the end of our lives and we look back, what are we going to be grateful we did? What are we going to be grateful we didn't do? What are we going to regret doing? What are we going to really regret not doing?

Take a risk, take a chance, put it on the calendar. That's okay. This is my invitation. This is my challenge to you. Have this conversation that make these decisions and put something on the calendar. If it's not getting scheduled, if it's not getting planned, it's not going to happen or it's not likely to happen. So get it on the calendar friends. I'm, I'm dead serious and shoot me a message. Like even tag me in this and.

and or just DM me on Instagram or Facebook. Shoot me an email from my website, like share what are you gonna do? What are you gonna put on the calendar? What are you gonna make happen? What have you been hesitating to do? I talk with people all the time when I do coaching sessions or in group, like hey, why have you stopped dreaming? What have you given up the hope of doing? And like, well, geez, I've always wanted to do this, but I don't know, the money, the time.

Rachel Denning (18:21.101)
You know world kind of crazy. I don't know and we hesitate and we hem and ha and we procrastinate until sometimes It's just too late We missed our shot. We missed our chance. So what is it? What's that thing? That's been you know in the back of your mind that you've been wanting to do Something that just is itching and you need to scratch it. It's a really good thing, and you know looking back You'll be so grateful you did it. That's the big message. Love you guys. Let's live extraordinary lives

Let's get together, go on adventures, go on these epic trips. I hope you'll join us on incredible trips. We've been, um, strategizing again to lead another trip for youth and families, um, on the Inca trail into Machu Picchu. That was one of my favorite adventures. We are definitely going to lead another trip back to Nepal up to the, um, base camp of Everest. We had a trip on the calendar for this year for Kilimanjaro. That's

not going to happen because of all the COVID stuff, but we will definitely go climb that one. And we're just, we're going to plan live events and retreats and extraordinary adventures, life -changing adventures. I hope you join us. I hope you come with us. Hope we get to hang out and, and just do, create these memories together and feel alive. Oh my goodness. Feel alive and bask in those memories, the special memories you create. So gather memories, my friends. That's, that's an insight I want to share with you.

Looking back from the from your future make sure it's just absolutely chuck full of memories extraordinary memories Be a memory gatherer a memory creator Make that one of the major Points of your life has to gather special memories and that you guys got can be just sitting around a little campfire in your backyard

having a meaningful conversation or saying nothing at all, just being with each other. Or it can be an Antarctic, a cruise in Antarctica, right? It can be any, any, and anything in between. Just create memories, please. Special memories. Do it today, right now. Go do something special. Go do something memorable right now. Make it count. Let the people you love know that you love.

Rachel Denning (20:47.405)
Write a letter, give a hug, give a kiss. Right? Big hug, big kiss, little kiss, little hug. Just, man, connect. Connect with people. Do special things, do extraordinary things. Go jump in a lake with all your clothes on. Take your phone out of your pocket though, and your keys. Just do something awesome and make it memorable.

and let's live extraordinary lives together. Let's encourage each other. That's why I love our 28 day challenge group and our external family life coaching group. It's so fun because we get to be in there and just encourage each other, help each other, support each other, challenge each other, cheer each other on, support each other in our challenges and troubles and our dreams and our triumphs. It's awesome just to be with a group of people who are striving to live intentional lives. It's so special. If you're not in those groups, jump in those groups with us.

Let's go after it. Let's genuinely, truly live extraordinary lives together. Love you guys. Remember every day we are training for greatness. It's all about training. It's all about the training. And again, we don't, we don't rise to our hopes and expectations. We rise to the level of our training.

train every day for greatness. In this case, it's part of training of how you're making choices, how you're living, how you're seeing yourself and seeing your life. A big picture perspective. It's all about training. And we train for greatness. Reach upper.