#136 The Greatest Tragedy And How To Avoid It

Rachel Denning (00:00.75)
Hey my friends, welcome to another episode of the extraordinary family life podcast. Rachel and I, who's my wife, for those of you who are new to the podcast, we had the opportunity to go visit some friends in Aiken, South Carolina. And we spent three nights over there and just had an absolute blast. Now Aiken's is a teeny little town just across the border from Georgia. And to me, not knowing anything about it was like, okay, what's...

What's the draw to this little town here? What's what is it right? But it's actually a really cool place. Really really fascinating people from all over the world and it was kind of a destination town and it started we learned about some of the history it started just as this idyllic spot for wealthy people from the north northeast especially to bring down their race horses. So after Thanksgiving when it just got too cold up in New York.

they would bring down their race horses and they started racing. So these were some of the best horses in the world and they'd come down and train and practice. And so it became a very, an equestrian destination place. Oh, it's just, it's beautiful. It's absolutely gorgeous. And they've maintained this equestrian feel. And so it brought in a lot of attention internationally. So a bunch of Canadians still bring their horses down and people from Europe and anyways, I...

I've got some stories to tell about that, but it was just a wonderful experience over there. And there were several things that happened that really just drove home again, the principle that I want to share today. And it's, it's in line with, you know, the greatest tragedy in life and how to avoid it. And so let me, let me, well, let's just die. Let's just hit it. Let's just hit it. What is the greatest tragedy? If you were to stop,

There's lots of tragedy, lots of sad things that happen in life and lots of terrible things that can happen. But if you were just to take that 30 ,000 foot view and just zoom way out from life and just kind of see your life as a whole and life in general, seeing it as a whole in its entirety, what is the big tragedy? And I don't have an absolute answer.

Rachel Denning (02:23.886)
But for me, as I've thought about this for a couple of decades now, I really think the greatest tragedy in life is when an unbelievable human being with so much potential, so much untapped greatness,

lives an okay life and doesn't tap into that potential and doesn't access that greatness and doesn't sing the song that they were born to sing and doesn't live a life that is both exciting and fulfilling and meaningful. That is the greatest tragedy.

And when it's all over, when the entirety of life is done and we all have a chance to look back, we're going to look back and we're all going to take an evaluation on how we live life. And amazingly, we only get one shot. One shot. Do not miss your shot, your chance. So here, let's, let's dive in now and give some application to some of this. So while I was in South Carolina, well, we went to visit a friend.

And this friend had been working great. They're great friends, amazing people. Just love them so much. And he had been working in the corporate world and working for a billion dollar business as a CFO and just, you know, decided he wanted to change. He wanted a different environment. He didn't want to work in that corporate environment anymore and travel as much. He wanted to do something totally different. And so he did it. He stepped away from that whole space.

and he bought an amazing nursery that you all need to go visit and support. It's incredible. And now he's doing totally different work from what he was doing. And he just made the shift because he wanted to make the shift. And so that was on my mind to see how lit up he and his wife are in this beautiful journey they're on now of just totally transforming their lifestyle. I mean, totally different lifestyle.

Rachel Denning (04:43.534)
Moving to a new place, settling in there, getting into a totally new business and all these ways to support it and grow and love with their workers and lead them and get into the community. It was beautiful. So that was on my mind. He stepped away from something he was not enjoying into something he's loving. Then while we were there, we went to this incredible Indian restaurant and it was a slower evening. And so the guy who runs it came out.

and he's from India and we're just like, hey, bring us, bring us your best stuff, man. Like we didn't even pick for the menu. We're like, you just, you just pick for us. Bring us some appetizers, bring us some main courses, like just feed us. And it was incredible. And it was so fun to watch him just light up with his passion and enthusiasm for creating great food because of our passion and enthusiasm to really try his food. And...

And you know, we, Rachel and I and our family had lived in India. And so he brought us out a specific dish from the state where we had spent time in Tamil Nadu. It was amazing. Amazing, right? And he was lit up about it. It was so cool. Then we went to a, an antique shop and met this really fascinating woman here who's running that antique shop. She used to have a silver shop in Atlanta. Now she moved up to.

to Aiken and she has this antique shop. It was incredible and super fancy, super high end. Like there was some amazing stuff in there and she was just such a fun personality and cool lady. Just so passionate about finding these treasures all over the world and then getting them into the hands in the homes of people who value those things. And it's fun to go in and sit in these amazing leather chairs and see the books and the paintings and the woodwork and all these antiques. It was incredible and she was so...

Excited about so passion about it said she's been spending, you know, 12 14 16 hour days in there and it just Just loves this right? She was lit up doing this work that she loves to do and that you know Her customers are passionate about these things and you find people they're just lit up then we went to all these other amazing restaurants as well, but a French bakery And we were in there and got to read about the story of the owner

Rachel Denning (07:07.469)
who had been a well -known race car driver in Europe. And it was French, born in France, raised in Switzerland, was so passionate about polo. The man loves polo. He owns a polo team and started these fields and was moving to Aiken to open more polo fields. And his commitment to invest, he already bought up all his land to do it and then he's buying up.

you know, houses to fix him up and have real estate investments. He's bringing all his wealth over and his passion and leaning into it. And there was again, it just kept popping up. It kept popping up, kept popping up. And then Rachel and I right now we're planning our trip to go wander with our family at least for the next five months, but probably for longer.

We're going to head in and explore all of Mexico. We're going to be planning all these amazing trips and see all these cool things we haven't yet seen in Mexico even though we've spent a lot of time there. And she and I are going into Ecuador. We're going to climb Orizaba, the mountain in Mexico. We're going to climb Cotopaxi, break 19 ,000 feet, which has been one of my bucket list goals. And she's going with me in Ecuador. And then for our 20th anniversary, we're going to go out and we've chartered a private yacht with some friends to sail around the Galapagos Islands.

Right. And so and then we're going into Guatemala. So we're planning these epic adventures. Right. And really, we've really just been on our minds of like we're going to live life on our terms and we're going to do things that we want to do that excite us and challenges that even terrify us. Right. But we're not just going to acquiesce. And so I bring all this up. I tell these stories as inspiration and fuel for you to avoid the greatest tragedy in your life.

I don't think anyone should have to acquiesce or settle for a life that they don't want to live. We get to choose even in the most difficult circumstances, we still have the power of choice.

Rachel Denning (09:17.773)
And we get to choose the kind of life we live and we live in such a time of freedom and abundance and access because of internet and technology access to things that that for millennia people only dreamed about. In fact there's so many things they didn't dream about because it wasn't even possible that the idea wasn't even possible. And yet we have access to that stuff right now. I think many of us are taking it for granted. And so in a time when there's like virtually

Endless possibility in fact, I would even dare say literally endless possibility We still have wonderful human beings settling and Living these lives that they don't love and that are not fulfilling and meaningful to them and what a tragedy What a tragedy to live a life that we don't just absolutely love

And often it's because we think we have to follow some kind of social script. We just have to do what others have done before us. Right. Now things are changing enough. Obviously there's wisdom in learning from other people's successes and failures. That goes without saying. Right. Learn from the successes and failures of others. There are

rules and principles that we can always follow. But as massive things change on a macro level,

that certain things alter massively that what used to work before won't necessarily work anymore. Especially when we change, like in an age, we've moved out of the industrial age. But interestingly, there's still a lot of industrial type thinking going on.

Rachel Denning (11:20.109)
And some of the education system still fits that way. And some of the mindset, some of the things that used to work for a generation or two ago, and like, well, that's what we did, and that worked. And it's not necessary anymore for that. And so we sometimes think we have to follow this path. Other times we think, well, I can't do what I really would love to do. Because maybe we think, or other people tell us, there's no money in that. Or there's no prestige in that. There's no honor in that.

But I want I want to invite all of us.

to really evaluate ourselves and just kind of think through this, like, how do you want to spend your life?

The greatest tragedy is to live a life that you don't love and it's not fulfilling and meaningful to you and spend your existence living a life you know this is blah and then raising your children to do the same thing so that they can raise their children to do the same thing. That sounds terrible. Especially and here's I guess here's what makes it a real tragedy. Especially.

when the opposite is not only possible, it's really accessible.

Rachel Denning (12:39.533)
really accessible. It's right there in front of you, sitting on a table, and all you have to do is reach out and grab it. And so that great tragedy that many good people are still experiencing, some because they don't know any differently, some because they're afraid, some because of social pressure, and many other reasons. But why not? Why not?

spend your time and your life doing what you love to do and doing it in an extraordinary way. Now I don't want to be misunderstood here so I'm gonna expound on something in order to not be misunderstood. I am in no way, shape or form saying that your life should be easy and comfortable and you have to like everything you do. I'm not saying that, there's some misunderstanding there with, especially with this newer generation of this whole idea of hey follow your passions, do what you love.

They kind of take it as an idea like, oh, sweet, I don't ever have to do anything that I don't enjoy. I don't ever have to do the hard work or get uncomfortable or be inconvenienced because I don't, that's not my passion. So I'm not going to do it. I am not promoting that in any way, shape or form. There is grind in our goals, right? There are demands in our dreams and we have to pay.

the price to get the prize. Excuse me? Whoa, gotta pay the price to get the prize. So I am saying dig in. I am saying do the hard work. I am saying get uncomfortable, push past the discomfort and the inconvenience and do that with passion, enthusiasm, and love and excitement and a really purpose -driven and mission -driven work.

Yeah, of course. Of course you gotta do hard work. And you know, I love the freedom of owning my own business. I love the freedom of location independence and being able to work from wherever and travel with my family. I love all of that. Does that mean that there are not inconveniences or difficulties? Absolutely not. Like we have to face a lot of that, but we joyfully do it and push through it and get through it and endure it and do what we have to do because it lights us up. That kind of freedom and...

Rachel Denning (15:05.133)
Opportunity and lifestyle. Oh my goodness. It excites us. We're filled with passion and enthusiasm for a great life. So we push through those things. And so my invitation for you today is not to avoid things that are uncomfortable or inconvenient or that you don't necessarily like or enjoy, but to...

Take some time today, and this is huge, please do this, and please do it with your friends and your family, your spouse, your children. Share this podcast. Please share this podcast. Share it with, I wanna get this in front of everyone who's ready and to be introduced to this idea and then take the actions of like, you know what, I'm gonna take back charge of my life. I'm not going to allow the greatest tragedy to rule in my life. I'm going to live a life that I...

absolutely love that I'm excited about that I am excited to wake up for and get going each day. You guys I remember vividly thinking that a good life this was in my late teens right when I was out on my own it just absolutely broke and things were so

And I was in my own perpetuating or perennial cycle of trials and tragedy.

And this is a hard principle to teach. But there's something about that, about this self -inflicted and self -sabotaging perennial cycles of trials and tragedy.

Rachel Denning (16:54.445)
And sometimes things happen to us. And sometimes things happen because of us. If that makes sense. And I had to break free from that. But while I was in it, it's hard to see clearly when you're in it. And while I was in it, I even wondered if it was possible. Is it really possible to live a truly happy, joyful life?

And if it's possible at all, is it possible for me? And that's where most people get hung up. Because we all will readily believe that it's possible for others. You know what I'm talking about? You'll joyfully give hope and encouragement and advice to others. You'll believe in their possibility. But at the same time, you're doubting your own possibilities. Like, oh yeah, it probably wouldn't work for me.

We, many of us operate with that kind of self doubt. But we have to believe that it's possible for us.

and that it is possible in general and specifically for you that you can live a very purposeful, joyful life. You can earn all the money you need and want. And you can write your own ticket, so to speak, and live life on your terms.

in a way that is very purposeful, very mission driven, very meaningful, very satisfying, very exciting. Life does not have to be a perennial garden of disappointment.

Rachel Denning (18:50.797)
That is what I'm talking about when I refer to the greatest tragedy. That it's just one disappointment after another, one frustration after another, one letdown after another. That's not my reality. Now, it used to be my reality, and I realize it's still some people's reality, that's their world. But what I'm inviting you to consider and to do...

is to step out of that world and yes you can you have that freedom to step out of that cage to step out of that world into this new world where you have all these possibilities and you lean in you face the challenges and difficulties and when you get knocked down you pop right back up remember I we talked about this before where this idea of when you get knocked down are you going to give up or are you going to get up?

And we can face those challenges and we can chase the dreams.

And we can take the small moments, the little things that we're doing even on a daily basis and do them more purposefully with more transformation. I had a beautiful coaching session this morning where we really talked about this, this idea of.

of bringing transformation into our transactions, right? Because if you guys haven't listened to that podcast yet, go back and listen to that podcast about the three lives or re -listen to it, where we're either trapped or transactional or transformational, which is the highest one. And the first level is we bring transformation to the transactions. That's the first level. The next level is where we actually have a moral obligation.

Rachel Denning (20:41.933)
create transformation in transactional places and help other people do that as well. Oh that's next level stuff right there where you and I we go into our neighborhoods, our families, our organizations, our extended family, our schools, our companies, wherever it is, our churches, and we have a moral obligation and the opportunity and privilege to create transformation where things are very transactional.

really make them transformational. Oh I love this stuff. It's possible and I want you to have it and I want you to do everything in your power to avoid the greatest tragedy in your own life and in the lives of your children and your family the people around you. So do some soul searching and some writing and make some commitments. What is it you want to do? How do you want to spend your life?

What is it that you need to do? What is it you feel called to do? It was beautiful just being over in Aiken to see, again, I told you some of the stories, but to see a restaurant owner who just was lit up about it, to see a store owner, a business owner, to see, here was the other thing, it was so beautiful. Everywhere we went, we saw people who were so passionate about maybe it was running the stables.

or it was doing the horse shows or the horse races. I mean, I could tell that many of these people had dedicated their lives to that. And I was thinking as we were driving around, like how beautiful, you get one shot at life, one shot. I mean, those people, they'd chosen to dedicate it to that thing. They're like, yeah, this is how I want to spend my life this way, with horses or dogs or plants or businesses or with food.

or with art, or with people. How do you want to spend your life? Now I know a lot of you, because this is the Extraordinary Family Life podcast, you guys are all part of family and you know how passionate we are about family.

Rachel Denning (22:52.429)
A lot of you are like, oh, I want to spend my life with my family. I want to give my family my all. I want to live an extraordinary family life. That's why you're here. That's why you're listening to this. And I want to honor you for that, actually. Really want to honor you. If I'm with you, high fives, fist bumps, hugs. Way to go. This is awesome. And I bet you're great at what you do. Genuinely, I believe that.

but it also begs the question of like, okay, if family is your thing and living a family lifestyle is your thing or whatever it is you're doing, are you lit up about it? Are you passionate about it? Is it obvious? Are you a joyful parent? Are you a joyful sibling? Are you a joyful child? If you say you're passionate about your family, are you? Are you living into that?

If you're passionate and excited about your faith, is it obvious? Do you live into it? Are you showing it? If it's about your health or about making a difference or about building business or investing or, you know, whatever it is for you, transformation, creation, creativity, art, whatever your thing is, is it obvious?

Like do you feel it? Because sometimes it's we get into it but then we let the feeling of it kind of die down. We let the excitement, the spark, the flame, we let it kind of grow cold. And so I want to invite you to rekindle the flame. Some of you just need to stoke the fire a little bit, throw some logs on there and get lit up again about your thing, like whatever it is, however you want to do life and where it add meaning and fun and excitement and fulfillment. Just you need to add some fuel to the fire and stoke it.

Some of you need to make some major changes. It's time. It's time for a total do -over, a reconstruction of your life, where you create a total transformation. Some of you are going to need to make some preparations for a total career change, or a location change, or a lifestyle change, or a personality change, where you realize, you know, I've been...

Rachel Denning (25:10.477)
I've been being timid or afraid or been kind of just acquiescing or been putting on a facade and I haven't been being my true self and being my best self. Again, my whole message here is not, we're not settling in any way, shape or form. We're actually leveling up. We're being our best self. So...

This isn't a move towards the bottom. This isn't a move towards coasting to take it easier to going down, so to speak in life. It's actually going up. We're going to climb higher. We're going to be our absolute very best selves. Some of you have been playing small and it's time to level up. Oh, I love this stuff. Okay, my friends, let's do it. Let's do it together with each other. Let's support each other. Share this podcast. Take a screenshot of it and tag it and share it on social media.

Put you know tag extraordinary family life and share the podcast share share the messages talk to your friends and family about this let's Let's help everyone that we know around us avoid this greatest tragedy and really live life No more just merely existing and we're going through the motions Let's live our lives the way they're meant to be and tap into your greatness. You know, you have this in you

In my mind's eye, I can see you right now. You know you have greatness in you. It's in there. Genius. Awesome sauce. Tap into it. Use it. Live an extraordinary life, a life that you just absolutely love. Let's get out and make it happen. Remember, awesome is always an option. Reach upward.