Get answers to your questions about marriage, parenting and family life from experts and parents of 7 children!

Rachel Denning (00:00.91)
Good, good morning my friends. It is another absolutely fantastic day to be alive. And today we're going to talk about choosing to be a champion instead of acquiescing to be a chump. Choosing to be a champion, right? You guys, we get to go through life and we have a choice often in moments, right?

But most definitely in a day and in a task. It's been, it's been a really interesting experience because we've had the opportunity to hire a lot of people. We're, we're in central America right now, still having an unbelievable adventure and just meeting so many great people and, and having so many great experiences and creating memories as a family. It's just been really, really special.

And we've been able to interact with a lot of people and we've been able to hire a lot of people to do some work here on our property. It's just been great. It's been great because of coming out of the COVID stuff, you know, the lot of, a lot of opportunities for work and it's been awesome. But one thing we've observed, and I'm sure you have too, is, is you're working with people and products, right? People and products. You can tell that some of them really take pride in their work.

and the things they make. And you can do this with product, right? You can go buy this cheap product made from somewhere and brought over and they, they do the cheapest possible way, right? They were just trying to get the lowest level of cost and quality. And it's just, it's just junk. It doesn't last very long. And then you come across something and you're like, wow, look at the, the craftsmanship, the care, the attention to detail in the product or in the person.

where they're taking care of the work that they do. They really take pride in their work and they really try to do it. And it's not even that like it has to particularly be done in an excellent way or you don't even necessarily give them really specific instruction. You just say, hey, will you take care of this for me? And you just kind of watch and they just pay attention to every detail and they try to do it with exactness. And I'm like, yes! Right?

Rachel Denning (02:24.142)
And there's this principle of being a champion and choosing to be a champion. I shared this poem before, but I'm going to, I want to share it again. It says the average runner runs until the breath in him is gone, but the champion has the iron will that makes him carry on for rest. The average runner bags when limp his muscles grow.

but the champion runs on leaden legs. His courage makes him go. The average man's complacent when he's done his best to score, but the champion does his best and then does a little more. Whoa. And those are the, those are the principles, right? And there's, there's three little paragraphs there. And the first one mentions that he has an iron will. It's his will to carry on.

The next one says his courage helps him go. And then the last one says he does his best and he does a little more, right? Because he has a standard. He's not complacent. He's not willing just to settle for mediocrity, not willing to settle for, you know, okay. Is this not enough? And this, this obviously carries over to every aspect of our lives. And there's so many parts of our lives, right? Some of us might be.

just absolute champions at work and chumps at home. Or the opposite, you might be a champion at home and a chump at work. Or you might be a champion in exercise and a chump in what you eat, your diet. Right? Or we could just go on and on, right? All the aspects of life. You might be a champion.

physically and a chump mentally or maybe you're a champion mentally your education is fantastic you're reading you're learning you're you're and you're mastering your emotions But maybe you're being a chump socially And I'm not please don't misunderstand me. I'm not I'm not saying chump I'm not trying to make anybody feel bad or using this and is a derogatory way I'm simply trying to set a standard for us all

Rachel Denning (04:40.429)
and put things into perspective that we have a choice. And this is what matters so much to me and I feel so passionate and so excited about is it's so easy to forget that we have a choice, that we have accountability and responsibility and opportunity that we can choose. It's just so subtle and slippery to play the victim where we just, we feel like, oh, I still feel very well. Or, oh, that person just wasn't this. Or this situation just wasn't ideal.

And in that moment, we're not outwardly, openly playing the victim, but it's just that little subtle moment of like, yeah, the situation wasn't ideal. And in that moment, we're blaming the situation instead of taking total responsibility for ourselves. And so by setting a standard and saying, hey, let's be a champion, choose to be a champion, it's calling you and me and all of us upward.

Right, to reach. Instead of just acquiescing and kind of being the chump. Let me give a specific example that's on my mind this morning. It's the way we wake up. Right? Whoa. And choosing to be a champion plays into the small things for sure. It's not just the great moments. Because sometimes we tell ourselves, right, I remember thinking that way. Have you thought that way before?

where you thought, man, yeah, when it, when it really matters, I will rise. I'll do it right. I'll be the champion in the big stuff. But this little stuff, this little stuff doesn't matter. And I remember reading where James Allen just calls that out. He's like, uh -uh. Oh no, you will never be asked to do big things if you don't first learn how to do the small things in a great way.

You with me? Is this hitting home? It's the little things that make a gigantic difference. It's setting a standard in ourselves that where it starts to carry over, it permeates every part of our life. And so the little things are done in a great way. We choose to be champions in the small things. And of course that naturally carries over to the big things. And we're kidding ourselves. We're deceiving ourselves if we say that we'll do...

Rachel Denning (07:02.541)
You know, all do the big important things in a great way, but all those little things, they don't matter. Because they do. Right? Greatness is in those details. And it's in, it's in those aspects of our lives. Um, let me tell, I'll come back to the morning and how we get up and how we get going, but let me, I have, we have a woodwork, woodworker. He's a carpenter and he's, he's building things for us. He is an absolute master. He isn't.

absolute master. When he comes over, he does everything with an attention to detail and a standard of greatness that I've not, I've very, very rarely seen, especially down here. And when he comes and he built something, it is amazing. It is amazing.

And yet when I started to interact with him, I'm like, something's, something's off here. And, and he's just, he's kind of like this lowly employee for this other business owner and he has no power. And his own life. He has like one in his work, especially he can't make any decisions. Cause we started having these interactions. Like, what about this? He's like, Oh, I can't, my boss won't let me. I'm like, what's going on here? And he's, he's an older guy, right? He's in his forties and.

And he just has no choice, no freedom, no control. Like, what is off? The guy does such amazing work. He could he could be independently wealthy and he could always be busy. I mean, he could just be running his own thing. He's just so great at his craft. And then one day it kind of came out. He didn't tell me his little things were missing. I'm like, something's off on how he's leading his life. And a driver who came over to deliver one of the things that we had ordered said, yeah, he.

And I was like, man, he does such great work. He is. Yeah, he does. But he has a serious, serious drinking problem. He's an alcoholic. And I was like, oh, there it is. He's throwing away this this other aspect. Well, many aspects of his life are being ruined. I mean, he still does his great work, but he's not anywhere near his potential or his possibilities because he's letting this vice.

Rachel Denning (09:21.325)
destroy these other opportunities in his life. And so with his craft, he's a champion with directing and leading his life and letting addiction and vice control him. He's being the chump, so to speak. Again, I'm not trying to be condemning or mean or degrading here, but it's a standard, this distinction. And I want us to...

I want to invite you with me, let's look at our lives right now. In what aspects are we cutting corners? In what ways are we cheating others and cheating ourselves? What ways are we undermining our own possibilities and potentials? And I want to call you up today to choose to be a champion. So let me come back to the morning.

So yesterday I had an amazing, absolutely amazing mountain bike ride. I got a new bike, you guys, I geek out about this, got a new amazing bike. I've been biking really hard. It's kind of been my new thing, just pushing my limits and just grinding my legs and my lungs. We're living up in the mountains. And so when I get in the saddle, we're at 7 ,500 feet above sea level and I usually climb up and...

just there's it's hills everywhere. There's no flat spots, right? So either bombing downhill, you're grinding up some super steep trail or road. Oh, it's just awesome. I'm loving it. So I put a big hard ride. And then I came back and worked worked really hard on our property on our land all day. And so I was man I was spent I was exhausted when I climbed into bed last night. And then hang out with family and evening. It was so awesome. We had such a fun time together. Just connecting.

My kids had been leading a trip. My three oldest went and they led a trip for youth, an adventure trip here. And they just got back and it was just great to reconnect and hear about the things they'd learned and observed. It was really awesome. It was amazing. So then, man, I climbed into bed. I'm like, I am done. Right? And so I just wanted to be out cold and I was sore. Holy cow, I was sore. So my older son, he actually,

Rachel Denning (11:47.277)
He learned how to do Thai Massage years ago and he's like, I'll give you Thai Massage. And so he was working my muscles and man, it was so painful and he enjoyed it. He was like digging in with his heel in my quads. It was fun and painful. But man, I was just, I was really sore, really tired. I just want to sleep. Well, at some point during the night, Sanji, Sandriana, our youngest came in. She's scared about something. And so she came and crawled into bed with us.

And I was like, no big deal. Just get into bed. Let's go. Well, she stayed on my side, which I was happy she stayed on my side so Rachel could sleep peacefully. But she proceeded to elbow and knee and slap and stick her finger in my eye. I just flopped and toss and turn. That girl moves so much. It's crazy. I'm like, how do you get any sleep? You're moving all night long.

And so she was right on my side, she was right next to me, she was plop, plop, plop, and there was a hand in my ear and a hand in my eye and a hand up my nose and in my mouth and an elbow here. Oh man. So once she came in there, the sleep wasn't great. And when I woke up this morning, no joke, I was like hanging, part of my limbs were hanging over the edge. I was barely just trying with all my effort to keep my head and little piece of my body on the bed so I didn't flop right out.

So I got up tired and sore and, and here's, here's the lesson, my friends. And this is where it matters. It is likely, quite likely actually that there are going to be days, um, perhaps quite a few of them when you get up and you just don't feel that great.

And that right there is a moment of choice. It is your chance. It is your opportunity to take responsibility, a chance to make a change or to just acquiesce and say, oh, I just didn't sleep well. I don't feel very well. Oh, this. And that's, that's our chance. That's our moment.

Rachel Denning (14:09.709)
when we can choose to be a champion or we can acquiesce to be a chump.

And now again, it's subtle, right? Cause you're like, why didn't sleep well? I don't feel very well. What do you expect me to do about that? It happened to me. But the reality is in that moment, we have a choice of like, wait a minute. Am I just going to sit here and be, and then my engagement with myself, my engagement with my decision making, my engagement with people, my engagement with life is kind of just, blah, mediocre.

weak, pathetic, or am I going to flip the switch? Am I going to do something about it? Because we always have a choice. I just finished that excellent book, by the way. It's called The Choice by Edith something. I can't remember her last name. She was a Hungarian, Hungarian teenager when she got taken to Auschwitz and survived. Unbelievable story. And she says that we always have a choice. We get to choose how we respond. And so the response is,

We kind of mope and whine through the day and I know there's a lot of people do it. Maybe you do that. That if you went to bed late or things aren't working out, you don't feel so great. You just kind of, oh, I don't feel so well. And we stay that way. All right, if you wait, I didn't feel great when I woke up, but I refuse to stay that way. Now, some of you may not have ever been introduced to this idea or might not have the tools. In fact, that's my question. Do you have the tools?

Do you have the rituals and the routines, the training, the clear, powerful practices that wake you up, that help you get up feeling awake, energized and alive? Because I did not feel awake, energized and alive when I got up. But I'm not going to stay that way. I refuse to stay that way. I refuse to go into my morning, into my day to connect with my wife and my kids and my work. I'm not going to do that. Are you kidding me?

Rachel Denning (16:14.477)
I'm a champion. Champions don't do that. We don't acquiesce. I'm going to do something about it. So I do my breathing exercises. I move my body. I get outside. I connect with nature. Right? You get the blood flowing. You do some great reading and some meditating and praying and reconnecting spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally, socially. All of it. I just, I'm going to wake up. I'm not just going to be like, I don't feel well. And so.

I guess this day won't be very good. And I can, I make that little voice and I play that thing, because that's how I used to live, you guys.

I used to be one of those people who just think, well, shoot. There goes the circumstance. I guess this day is going to be rough. And you go through, oh, somebody was mean to me or somebody cut me off or, oh, no, it's, you know, rough weather or whatever, right? We just, we just kind of go along being the chump instead of the champion acting like a pawn that life is happening to us. We're.

that we're just little victims floating along and things are out of our control. And it's just not the case. So a critical part of reaching upward includes refusing to acquiesce to the lesser things that are within your power to do something about. And like we're talking about here, one important example is how you begin your day and particularly how you choose to feel in the morning independent of.

or in spite of how you might have had to sleep or woke up, right?

Rachel Denning (17:59.693)
And this man, it's just, it is critically important that because there will be days, likely many of them, when you get up, you don't feel that great. In fact, I know I mentioned this a long time ago, but I remember when I was in college, I read this, this, it was just this little comment by a Dean. This, the student was supposed to turn in this final super important. It was like the major part of the grade and.

the student didn't feel well and so then turn in went to the Dean the next day and was like hey I wasn't I wasn't feeling well and so I didn't turn in can I go ahead and turn in now and still get the grade and he's like nope sorry he's like what but I wasn't feeling well he's like young man let me teach you an important lesson most things in life are done by people who don't feel very well and it has to be done anyways like and I remember reading that as a

you know, as a college age young man and going, what?

do it anyways, but I don't feel well. Right. And then just, I remember that just that, that wow, awakening most things in life for people don't, and I didn't feel that great when I woke up this morning, but I'm not going to stay that way. Right. And so again, I want to reiterate that each of those moments when somebody's rude,

When something doesn't work out, when there's a failure, a mistake, that's your moment. That's your moment to be a champion or to be a chump. When somebody else chooses to engage in a low level way, that's your moment. That's your chance to choose to be a champion, to not react, but to deliberately respond.

Rachel Denning (19:50.253)
If things don't work out, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna throw in the towel? You're gonna rant and rave and scream and have a tan? There are adult tantrums, people. You've seen them, maybe you've done them. We don't have to do that. Are you gonna whine and complain and cry and be all grumpy and less than your best? Are you gonna choose to be a champion?

Rachel Denning (20:18.349)
It's an opportunity to take responsibility for your life.

You know, most people just endure it. They just drag themselves through the day. Some people literally drag themselves through their whole life. This is feels like some wretched endurance event. I mean, it doesn't have to be that way. Right. And that's not the way of a of a great man. And part of this part of this, you guys, so I haven't told anybody yet. So you're the first I have started writing my book. And this first book, I have, I have multiple books, and I've talked about this before, but now I'm like actively writing.

And this first one is for men. This is part of my life's work. To help men be their absolute best. Just to rise up and be real men, to be great men. And to live as their best selves and combat like all the negative influences there that are pulling us down. And the erroneous...

you know, twisted messages that are out there about what it means to be a man. Ooh, man, I love this stuff. And so I was writing about this, right? And the way of manliness, right? And just acquiescing, just dragging ourselves through the day. That's not the way of a great man. Please don't just keep going through the motions like that. A great man, and because this is a big audience here, a great...

youth, a great woman will pause to recognize what's happening and then refuses to keep going in a low state, right? Because you know, you don't have to. And if you didn't know, now you do. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being here. Thanks for being awesome. Now you know, right? You've now left the land of not knowing. And now you know, you don't have to stay in that low state.

Rachel Denning (22:21.581)
You know, and if you didn't, now you do, you know you have the power to transform your state, right? And you can refuse to engage with yourself and with your family and with your life in a mediocre low energy condition. Oh no, my friends, you do not have to stay down there because you want to be engaged at the highest level. You...

You guys know this already, right? When you're trying to think clearly, when you're trying to make decisions from a low level state, that's brutal. And the decisions aren't great ones and the actions definitely aren't great ones. It's not the actions of champions. When we're like, oh, I don't feel well, but I'll just keep doing it. And so you're trying to connect with your spouse and trying to connect with your kids and you're trying to lead them. You're trying to have influence.

You're trying to make business decisions and take actions that transform your life. And you're trying to be fully alive and really happy and successful, but you're doing it from the state because you think you have to. Not so.

And so I guess my invitation here.

is to get one, one it's to make a clear distinction between choosing to be a, well, one that you have a choice, that's it. Let's start there. Clear distinction that you have a choice. Number two, that you commit to choose to be a champion. And by not choosing to be a champion, just by default, you're choosing to be a chump. Let's, let's make that absolutely crystal clear.

Rachel Denning (24:11.885)
Sometimes you think, well, I'm just not going to choose to be champion. And by default, look, if we don't commit to greatness, then by default, we have just committed to mediocrity.

So indecision is a decision. By choosing not to pursue excellence, we are automatically choosing mediocrity, right? What's the alternative? If I don't choose to live in an excellent way, then just automatically, it's not like I have to purposely choose to be mediocre. If I don't choose greatness, I automatically choose the opposite of greatness. Now, some of you, like you know this stuff, right?

But remember, it was Stephen Covey who said to know and not to do is really not to know. And this is one of those perfect examples where common sense is not and does not equal common practice. So why aren't you doing it?

Now that's an important question. And you have to get clear what's going on in your head. What's your thinking that's causing this? And for many of us, you're gonna be like, why don't you don't feel like it? Exactly! Well exactly, that's my point! It's because you don't feel like it that you have to do something so you do feel like it. Otherwise we all get stuck.

Think about it, if all of our decisions and actions in life are based on how we happen to feel, no wonder so many of you are getting mediocre results. You're going through life making decisions and taking action based on how you happen to feel. And like I woke up this morning, I did not feel awake, energized, and alive, but I do now. And that was just moments ago. I'm like, I got my...

Rachel Denning (26:08.685)
I sat down on the couch and I'm like, oh, this is brutal. And what do I do? I go right into my morning routine like I do every single morning, whether I feel like it or not. I'm not going to lead my life based on how I happen to feel.

Plus feelings are not facts. They're just feelings. And I didn't feel great, but now I feel fantastic. And it only took a few moments. You guys, these things are easy to do. They really are. And so we have to stop and say, why am I not doing that? Why am I not choosing to be a champion in this? And get clear about it, what's going on, and then adjust it, shift it, recognize what it is. Like, oh, I'm kind of feeling frustrated.

feeling irritated, feeling low energy. My mind's not very clear. And so then you bust out your tool bag and if you don't have one, please get one. This and this is why, this is why Rachel and I, we, man, every day we think about you guys and we, man, this is our, this is part of our life's work. We want to provide tools and resources and training. It all comes down to tools and training and team. You got to have a team on your side and then the tools and training.

and we are constantly, endlessly creating tools and resources because we want to help. We know what's possible. We know how amazing life can be. And we also know that it can be challenging and frustrating and irritating. And we know that it can be bleh.

but it doesn't have to be that way.

Rachel Denning (27:47.053)
And good, my friends, is not good enough when extraordinary is possible and within your grasp. And this is, I want to like absolutely adamantly say you have the power to transform your life. This is all within your power. So if you choose to acquiesce and just play the chump, it's on you. You have the power to do this. So again, I come back, why aren't you doing it? Especially when it's not that hard.

and it has power to transform how you feel and how you perform.

Whoo! Man! Come on, get on this with me. Choose to be a champion.

in every aspect of your life. So go through it right now. Just kind of comb through your life again. And I know I have you do this a lot if you're listening to podcasts regularly, but I want you to take on this mindset, the champion mindset.

Watch this, I'm gonna do some, this might sound weird, but I'm gonna dig into this. Like, your appearance.

Rachel Denning (29:00.493)
Like, choose to be a champion. Are you wearing some raggedy old clothes that you've had forever? Like, look neat, look nice, look clean, dress like a champion. How's your hair? You rocking some old hairdo that, you need a nice haircut, man? Like, how's your, when those of you are getting older, you're like, you start getting like ear hairs and nose hairs and big bushy eyebrows. Like, clean that stuff up, man.

You with me? Like, choose to be a champion. Your shoes.

the condition of your body and do not.

Do not blame your age on the condition of your body. I personally know men and women in their 70s or even 80s who are still in phenomenal health and strength. In fact, one day I was hiking in Yosemite, met this guy who's 88, backpacking. I was like, oh yeah, that's where I'm gonna be.

So the condition of your body, the condition of your car, look around. Is it a disgusting mess? And you're like, yeah, it is. I have little kids. And I get that, we've done that, right? You had a road trip and your car looked like a disaster. Clean it out, man. And if you have time, hire somebody to clean it out. Take it and go get it detailed.

Rachel Denning (30:31.693)
It's time to get a new vehicle. How's your house? How's the outside, the inside? Again, it's the attention to the details. This is what I'm talking about. It's the craftsmanship, it's caring. It's taking pride in your stuff.

Is it time to throw some old stuff out, pass it along and get some new things? Or is it time to just fix it up, repair it? You need some new paint jobs? You need like, what is it? You need some new tires? You're running on bald tires? Like, whatever, just go through your whole thing. And maybe it's the attitude, maybe it's the mindset. Maybe you just kind of let things slip a little bit lately. I know that happens, right? We're always oscillating. There's ups and downs, I get it.

But when you notice yourself going into a lull, and I'm sure you can relate with this, right? Where sometimes you'll be like, man, I was just crushing it for the weeks or months. And then all of a sudden you feel yourself kind of just dragging, you're like, ugh, man, I've not been hitting my goals. I've not been keeping my commitments. I've not been on my A game. I've been going through the motions, but I haven't been nailing it. You with me? And when that happens, you've got to catch yourself. Again, like I said a moment ago, a champion pauses.

stops, refuses to go on. Do not keep going in a low state. Recognize what's happening, get clear about it, and then change it. Do not stay there. Choose to be a champion.

And man, watch how it just transforms number one, how you feel, right? And isn't life about just being happy and peaceful and good? Right? So change that. Right? And you're just a moment ago, I was like, yeah, facts aren't, you know, feelings aren't facts, right? And that, but that's my point. You're like, I don't feel like it.

Rachel Denning (32:34.253)
We'll switch that around so you feel fantastic. Don't you want to feel fantastic? When you, when you know, psychologists, I love studying psychology. I've been studying it a lot. Well for the past 25 years, but I keep coming back to it. Psychologists are like, look, they realize that people, the driving motive behind what people do is because they want a particular feeling. Even, even into drugs or alcohol or crime or violence or like crazy, crazy behavior, neurotic behavior.

It's almost always comes back to they want to feel a certain way. And so don't you want to feel fantastic? Yeah, you do. So get the tools and the training and the team in place to do this. Man, that's, oh, you got to feel fantastic. What and why not feel great? You can do it all the time.

Right? The vast majority of our lives we should feel wonderful. And again, you guys, I'm gonna throw this out there. Because if you don't know how to lead your life, and if you're not leading your life well, or you might quote know how, but you're not doing it, you need the accountability, get the tools, get the training, get the coaching. Sign up for personal coaching. It is transformational. My clients are living completely

different and better lives than when we started. It's awesome. In all honesty, we have our lives holistically, right? Or join the group coaching. We have the formula group coaching. We even have group coaching for those who do alternative or home education, right? And we have a mastermind, a money mastermind. If you need to transform your finances, if you've been being a chump financially and you want to start and grow a business or scale it, get in that. Choose to be a champion.

And I have, of course, my Be the Man Masterclass and the Real Man Roadmap, the whole package. Get in there. Invest. Champions, invest. Get the books. Well, you're listening to this, so way to go. Get the audio books.

Rachel Denning (34:46.125)
Like do the reading, do the work, dig in, be the champion. Ooh, I love this. So the first thing is you'll change the way you feel, right? You'll feel fantastic. And, and man, just, just picture it, my friends. Just picture yourself. Imagine right now, just feeling great, genuinely great. Most of the time. Isn't that wonderful? Oh, so that's, that's the first big thing that'll happen when you start choosing to be a champion.

It changes the way you feel. And then the second thing is of course it changes your outcomes. It changes your results.

Rachel Denning (35:24.589)
Wow. And doesn't it feel great to win?

Winning is awesome. Winning in life is awesome. And that's what I'm talking about. The little wins, the little touch points with your kids, with yourself, making and keeping commitments, following through, doing the things you say you're going to do, having a good attitude, getting things done, being productive and effective, genuinely feeling awake, energized, and alive.

Feels good to win

And so you can get far better feelings and far better results and outcomes. Oh man, it's awesome. So my friends choose to be a champion. Reach upward.