#154 Learning To WANT What You NEED and LOVE What You Don’t Like

Rachel Denning (00:00.846)
Good morning my friends, welcome to another episode of the Extraordinary Family Life podcast. Man, I'm excited and fired up this morning. I love when this happens, I'm sure you do too, when you start thinking about something and your mind just kind of explodes with ideas and principles and concepts and kind of, you get in your little zone and you get your genius stuff going, you come up with these great ideas and it's just fun to think about.

wrap your mind around all this stuff. And so I got a question, I get questions and stuff like this all the time from, oh excuse me, from all over, right? From random people, from strangers, and then of course from my amazing coaching clients. And I got one recently from an awesome coaching client, and she just kind of said,

you know, in passing like, Hey, I'm not, I'm doing my exercising, which is awesome, right? Doing it anyways, but I'm not really liking it. I'm not really enjoying it that much, but I'm doing it, which is huge. And so I started thinking around that principle because it comes up often of like, I just don't like it. I don't, I don't like doing these things, things that are, that are good for us. Right. And it's, it's a common thing. And I, I deal with it all the time as well. It's, it's like learning to.

want what we need, learning to love what we hate, but it's still good for us, right? And we have to, that's the key thing. We got to get clear about like what it is that's really good for us because I think societally, socially, we end up doing a lot of things that we don't need to do. And there's like the social pressure to do it or, or social conditioning. We've been told our parents did it or.

you know, and the neighbor does it or a leader or a teacher or parents did it. And so we get thinking that we need to do it and we, and that falls into that category and we started doing it. But there's a lot of things we don't need to do. Like I think we would all be better off by cutting some stuff out of our lives and just, just cutting some things out. Some of the, the shoulds that, you know, we feel like we should be doing. I don't know. I think, I think there's a lot of benefit of just kind of stepping away from the tribe.

Rachel Denning (02:25.774)
and some of the tribal functions and some of the tribal conditioning and say, yeah, I'm not doing that anymore. I give it just, and same with our stuff, right? We have all kinds of stuff in our life, tons and tons and tons of stuff. We've been, we've been conditioned and clever marketers have told me all this stuff and all this stuff. You have all this, these stuff and things and you'll be happier and better in your life will be amazing. We have all this stuff and we don't need that much stuff. All right. So it really comes back to this principle of essentialism. We could get rid of a lot of stuff and a lot of things we're doing.

cut them out. But when we get down to an essential level, there are some things I, I, at least in my view, there are some things we should be doing. And if we can, we should like them. We should want some of the things that we need. And we should love some of the things that we hate, but better a part of life. And we're going to get into that, right? Some of the things you hate because like, maybe you should, you should.

You know, you're doing them, but you shouldn't and you hate them for good reason. And like, if you hate it, get rid of it, get somebody else. We'll talk about that in a minute, but there are some things that you hate it, but really your life will be so much better if you love it. So let's dive in. Um, if let, and we're really going to lean into, um, like exercise is a perfect example of this principle, but there's actually a lot. And in just a minute, I will, I'll touch on a bunch of them.

There's actually a lot of really wonderful things that bring us massive benefits and rewards, incredible results. And if we're going to do them, we might as well like them, right? And we might have, we might as well hit this. So, you know, it comes up with, I need to exercise because I want to be healthy and fit, but man, I just don't like exercising. Or a major one that comes up is like,

morning routines, getting up early and doing morning routines. Oh man, that stuff is transformational. That'll change the trajectory and course of your life and the outcomes. But it's not always easy or comfortable or enjoyable to get up early and to do a morning routine. That's a big one that comes up. So those are two really obvious examples for me. Eating healthy is another one, right?

Rachel Denning (04:51.501)
We'll get into all this and how to do it but but I want you to as you're listening to this Thank you for listening to this. Thanks for being here and being awesome and you guys if if you if you like the podcast like make sure you subscribe and and leave a review You know on an episode you really likely leave a review on there and share it take a screenshot and share it I want let's get this in front of as many people as possible so we can help people live extraordinary lives. Oh and I actually

Interestingly, I just kind of just coincidentally overlaps. It was several days ago. I I woke up and I was like, oh man I did not feel like doing my routines that day. We'd gotten back from a long trip. I was exhausted. Just I was groggy. I was in that state we get in right and I did not feel like doing what I need to do and I made a YouTube video for my new YouTube channel. Well, not my new channel, but my new commitment to my channel.

I posted over there. So that'll be some kind of related but different things on that video. You can go check that out. Anyways, thanks for being here. As you're listening, think through some of the things in your life that you feel really strongly you need to do. And we're gonna evaluate that, whether we really do or not. But think through some of the things you need to do or ought to do and maybe you dislike them. You just don't like doing it.

And that's kind of what we're going to dive into today. So here's a couple thoughts. I got one, two, three, four.

Really five five points five points as I started thinking about this I'm like, oh man, I like that idea and so I started writing a couple of and then it exploded I just wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote and so that's the fun I love I love doing this so number one and there's there's no particular order just ideas and we kind of kind of explore them and and you're gonna have a bunch of even better ideas and so if you're taking notes you can

Rachel Denning (06:51.597)
Let your mind explore each of these five principles and maybe you'll come up with more or go deeper on them or see them from a different angle. But just dig through this and we can really do this with a lot of things. Can't we just stop and say, well, let's, let's turn this around in our heads and let's see it from different angles. Let's try to understand ourselves and our lives. All right, here we go. Number one, if you don't like the thing, perhaps you could just like the results, right?

You may not necessarily like the method and that's okay, but focus on the results. I remember reading one time somewhere that, um, unsuccessful people focus on methods. They focus on pleasing methods and successful people focus on pleasing results, right? Where they'll be like, well, I don't, I don't like doing the thing where somebody else will be like, you know what? I don't like it either, but I do it.

because I like the results. And that's really, that's the essential basis of that great essay by Albert Gray called the common denominator of success. He found that the common denominator was successful people are willing to do the things that unsuccessful people are unwilling to do. So one aspect of this, and it's just one aspect, we'll get into other ones, but sometimes, and I do this too, sometimes I'm like, yeah, you know, I'm really not enjoying the method, but I love the results. And so we,

Focus on the results and here we go again, I love teaching this principle. What you focus on, you feel.

Rachel Denning (08:30.893)
what you focus on you feel. And so if I get going, I'm focusing on the method, I might be like, yeah, I don't like this. Why am I doing this? This is lame. Blah, blah. And I kind of set up my own sabotage there of not enjoying it. When the reality is if I focus on the results, what I'm getting out of it or what I will get out of it, then I'm actually motivated and excited and like, yeah, I'm going to keep doing this because I'm focused on what I'm going to get from it.

And again, what you focus on, you feel. Now, do you need some motivators? Because I know I do. One time, I know some of you are going to like.

Well, I'll just, there was, so you guys, I leaned into this when I was a teenager. I was kind of a chubby kid, unhealthy, like we just ate loads of garbage. I'm surprised I survived my childhood. But I really leaned into this when I was 16 and 17, into health and fitness. And there was one time in my adult life,

where we were living in a super remote place and this the food quality that was available like like no joke remote you guys we were on a Caribbean island and it was so remote it we just were lucky to have food sometimes because it was that remote the little town didn't even have a store it was it was crazy anyway so the food quality was poor we weren't exercising and so I got I got a little chubby like that's the only time in my adult and

and by a little chubbily you guys would look at me and be like, you're ridiculous, Greg. But I did, so that was me in my time, I'm like, argh. That was a time period, I'm like, this sucks. And so here's what I would do, and this may not work for you, but it worked for me. Like whenever I needed a motivator, when I didn't feel like, and I, cause I'm like, this is done, I'm gonna get back in shape. And so I would just kind of lean forward and just grab a chunk of belly, right?

Rachel Denning (10:38.605)
That was motivating in this, on this particular concept. If you don't like what you're doing, but you do like the results, then grab a chunk of belly. Because that's the result you're going after, right? You might want to get rid of that belly, that belly flab. Or you might want to just grab, I know a lot of you, including Rachel, she's like, I don't want flabby arms.

So if you need some motivator and you're focusing on liking the results, then reach back and grab the back of your arms. Grab a hold of that and say, is this what I want? And then focus on the result. So grab a chunk of belly, grab a chunk of arm, then get your running shoes on and get out the door. And I know this is true for all of us. Like in this principle, if you.

If you don't necessarily enjoy the method, but you really focus in on the results, then let that motivate you. Focus on the result you want. If you want to be able to touch your toes, but you don't necessarily enjoy stretching, you're like, I don't have time for stretching, I don't like stretching. Well, just bend over and try to reach your toes. And you're so daggum far away from your toes, let that poor result motivate you to like the result.

And then as you start getting results, like celebrate them, enjoy them, like, man, I can touch my knees now. Ooh, I can touch my shins now. This is fantastic. Ooh, I have, I have less belly fat. Oh, I can see some muscle tone in my legs or my arms or, you know, measure them and get measurable results and celebrate the results. So one method for, for doing the things we need to do is to measure and track the results, celebrate like crazy.

when you get good results. I have one client who's trying to lose weight and I invited him to start, like just, I'm like, okay, let's go. It's time to level up, let's hit this. And I invited him to do a three day fast. And he's like, yep, I'll do it. It was super hard for him. This is a perfect example. He did not like it. In fact, we talked about it again yesterday. He's like, oh man, it was almost like he had PTSD. He's like, oh geez, I don't wanna do it.

Rachel Denning (12:58.893)
He is not one, I was like, you could do one every like 10 days or two weeks, that'd be amazing. He's like, are you kidding me? Like, no, because it was hard. He did not like the method, right? I'll have, I have another client that would do three day fast and five day fast and the longest one he did was like eight or 10 day fast. And, and I've heard a lot of people say that once you get past day three, like it gets like euphoric and like really special, really powerful and insightful, but it's hard. So he just,

did not like the method, but you guys, he lost 12 pounds, 12 pounds in three days. Right now it's obviously it's not the same for everybody, but for his body and current condition, 12 pounds, what an awesome result. Right? So there's an example of not enjoying the method, but focusing on the result. 12 pounds. That's amazing. Three days is fantastic. Okay.

So that's the first thought. Like the results. If you don't necessarily like the method, like the results. What you focus on, you feel. Number two.

If you used to like it but now you don't, find out what has changed.

What did you like about it? And this this takes some time of going into your mind palace and And being thoughtful about it some most a lot of times you guys were we're just kind of operating unconsciously in life That's it's kind of part of part of the game right because we can't consciously Wrap our minds around all that's going on in life. We just can't do that So that's why we have our subconscious mind The subconscious mind helps us survive because there's just too much going on to to be conscious of it all

Rachel Denning (14:46.797)
And so you have to get in your mind palace and say, what is it that I really used to like? What about it that I used to like? And find out what has changed. So now there's a couple different ways to approach this. You can try what you used to do. So if you used to like doing a certain way or you had, and again, you have to get really into the details. You're like, you know what, maybe it wasn't the thing, but it was the people I was doing it with. All right.

find some people to do it with. Or maybe it was, you know, the kind of things you were listening to at that time, right? Like, I love listening to great audiobooks. But what's interesting, particularly when I'm working out, I like to listen to a certain genre of audiobooks. Because I've tried it with all kinds of different audiobooks, and it's not the same. So I can't just have a blanket statement of like, yeah, when I'm running or biking, I listen to audiobooks, because it's not true.

some audio books, I'm like, and it affects my run. And other audio books, I put it on, I'm like, I run like a deer. So it's the genre and you have to get caught. It's like, what is it? Maybe it was the place. Maybe it was the, the conditions, the environment, the people, like I said, like what, what get into the details. Now I know some of you are like, well, yeah, I used to like it because I was actually fast. Right? Well get fast again, or at least faster.

Right? And you're like, well, I'll never be as fast as I was. And well, there's two thoughts there. Some of you, I know a lot of you said, well, I used to love dance. I used to love playing basketball or soccer. I used to love running. I used to love these things because I was really good at them. And the two approaches are, well, get good, get good again. And here's where we got to catch ourselves making excuses. Sometimes I say, well, I'll never be that fast again. Are you kidding me?

Then I challenge you to find people that are older that are defying what you're telling yourself. Because we tell ourselves stories like, no, you can't be that fast anymore and you're older. Are you kidding me? Some of the best triathletes in the world, like Ironman level, like 50s and 60s. There are people, I've met people in 70s, even 80s.

Rachel Denning (17:12.749)
80s that are doing seemingly superhuman things So you can't use age as your excuse Right you guys ever heard of Jack LaLanne. Just look him up. Oh That guy was Unbelievable. So whenever you have some kind of excuse is like well, I can't be really good at anymore. Look up Jack LaLanne Hey, man, amazing. Absolutely amazing. So

So one side is, well, if you were fast and you were good, we'll get good again. Great. Go for it. What a great goal. What's something to get excited about? Lean into it and give it some time and effort and challenge yourself again. You might have loved the challenge of it more than you thought. It might have been the competition piece of just chasing something. When we're chasing something that's hard, it lights us up. Even though there's a perfect example, even though we don't necessarily like the method of chasing something because it's hard.

But the pursuit of greatness is invigorating. And we learn to love the thing because we're chasing greatness.

Oh, that's good. That's good. So you could get really fast again, or you can learn and don't, don't cop out. Don't settle for less, but you might, you might learn to love being a little slower than you used to be, but still faster than you are now. Did you, you know, here's an example I've heard multiple times from clients, um, loved to dance or perform in some way for others. Well,

And so they're like, well, I don't want, I don't, I don't love it anymore because I'm not performing in front of people. Right. Or I've had some clients say like, are you kidding me? I am not taking this body and performing in front of other people. Right. Again, two sizes. One is get your body back in performance condition. Do it. Like you can do it. Like go after it. And yeah, your body has changed and it's going to keep changing, but like get after it.

Rachel Denning (19:17.293)
Are there people that are your age who have a performance body? Yes. Okay, then it can be done. Well, maybe you know, and I get it, like you had kids. Are there ladies who have had children given birth to multiple children that are back in a performance body? Yes, there are. So you can do it too. Now, are there some conditions? Yes. So for example, we have big babies and Rachel's tiny.

And so when she wasn't working out as much and so it destroyed her abdominal wall. She had like a three finger or four finger gap in her abdominal wall. I can't remember right now what the name of that is. But it was huge and she literally couldn't do working out and her belly just hung out because her abdominal wall was just destroyed like her intestines. You guys I felt her intestines. They would just sometimes stick out.

So she had to have surgery and have her abdominal wall rebuilt. And the surgeon was like, wow, that was worse than I thought it was going to be. It was really bad. Right. So she had to have a surgery and have her abdominal wall rebuilt, but now she looks great. Right. So like, do you have to do to get it back there? Um, here's another approach. Maybe you used to love performing for others or now you could just learn to love, love it just for you, just for the sake of doing it.

or you can try liking it in new ways, right? So whatever it is, whatever your thing is, and I hope you're thinking about this, maybe taking some notes, just taking your specific things, and just wrapping your head around this, like, well, how could I seriously level up, or how could I like it differently? How could I enjoy it just for the sake of doing it? Maybe it was playing a musical instrument you used to perform. Well, you could perform again.

You could get into some kind of performing thing or you could create your own performances. What if you got together with other families in your area and every quarter or every six months you guys got together and performed for each other? Create your own little performance thing. This month we're gonna do like a big poem, what, recital thing? We're all, a couple of families, we're getting together, we're going over to a different state, visiting some families and we all decided, we're like, man, let's all memorize a poem.

Rachel Denning (21:46.125)
and do a poetry night. And so we're all going to memorize poems. I love poems. I love memorizing poems. Our kids have actually, we've been memorizing poems for years and we're going to do a poetry recital. So create your own thing. You can like it in newer, different ways. You could raise the bar with a race, sign up for a race. If it was some athletic thing and maybe you used to love the competitions that would come up, right? Well, sign up for a race. There's all kinds of races and competition now.

anything from, you know, a marathon or a triathlon. There's a perfect example. One of my clients I met with yesterday, he's like, I don't like marathons, but I love triathlons. Right. So the running piece of it, he motivates him when he does a triathlon. If it's just straight running, he's like, I don't like it. So get in some kind of race. That's why these things, this, these tough mutters or, I mean, people are coming up with all kinds of competitions because they realize this very thing. They're like, I like the challenge of it.

And so at any age, any state, wherever you are, you can find a race, set a challenge, hire a trainer, get a running partner, or maybe you're playing a different sport, like you switch it up and get a partner to meet you there, hold you accountable. Maybe it comes down to you guys, maybe you just loved putting on this new pair of shoes every season, or a new exercise outfit, or a new training software.

Right? Sometimes that's the enjoyment of it. I could reward yourself with a new pair of shoes and get a new pair every, you know, pick them at a certain amount of miles, put in a hundred miles, get a new pair of shoes or something, I don't know, or a new outfit or, or new, new training software. There's so many cool training softwares coming out that I'll talk about in this next principle. Like that, that, that changes the whole dynamic of enjoyment. Anything from.

Um, you know, trying different trails. If you like hiking, get the all trails app or Strava where you can see all your friends and what they're doing. Right. So now you're connecting on those stuff. All of a sudden you start to enjoy your hikes or runs more because you're, you're connecting with other people. So, okay. Here's, here's the third thought then. So that was second one. Third one is this, and that's a good lead in do something different.

Rachel Denning (24:08.781)
Maybe if you, if you don't like it anymore, do something totally different. Maybe you used to love cycling and you're like, I just, I still love anymore. Okay. Change. Don't do it anymore. Try new things. Get really creative and you might get creative inside that thing, or you might get creative and do something totally different. Maybe you're going to lean into swimming now. Maybe you'll get into racquetball. You can just try something completely different.

or do your thing differently. So I have tried road running and road biking and I just don't like either of them. Now I could, I could train myself to like them and I could lean into it, but I just don't, I don't like running on pavement and I don't like biking, road biking like on the roads or paved trails. I just don't like it, but I love, I love trail running and I love mountain biking, right?

big time. So it's interesting. You're like, well, it's the same thing. Running is running. Not for me, it isn't running, running around the neighborhoods like, okay, I'll do it because I need to running on a trail. Oh, man, you guys I ran, like I've read, I ran and mountain biked all over the world and some of the most epic places ever. I remember trail running at like 13 ,000 feet in Nepal on

real. And I ran into these these monks, they didn't speak any English. I didn't speak whatever they're speaking. But we got to communicate they're out gathering wild mushrooms for dinner. And we got all these pictures, they wanted all these pictures together. So you got a bunch of pictures and they were teaching me about mushrooms. And this was all like through charades because we didn't speak anything. It was, ah, it was stunning. Like one of my favorite places like trail running in Nepal. I remember trail running along the coast of Turkey. Like

blow your mind epic like vistas along the whole coastline of Turkey and these ancient towers there that were built like in the 1100s. It was, it was amazing. Running through a part of the, you know, in Peru near Machu Picchu. Um, Oh my goodness, just the coolest things ever. So there's a, there's a big difference. And maybe you do that. Maybe you need to do, you know, prepare for some epic things. That's, that's something, that's a way to approach it, right?

Rachel Denning (26:36.621)
So you're gonna go out and you're gonna train for some big reward. Reward yourself, you guys. Spend some money on it, throw down. Give it some time and effort. Like if you want to do those things, you wanna be in your life, go for it. Reward yourself. Live into it. Like what's money for anyways? Why do you work? What's the point if you're not gonna just really love it? So get into it. So I love, again, I love trail running, love mountain biking. And...

So maybe you're like, I used to love bagging bike because I had a really nice bike. Well, get a nice bike. Make the investment. I don't have the money. OK, figure out how to get the money. Like earn it. Get after it. So that becomes part of the journey there. Right. Another one, like I don't like treadmills. Some people love treadmills. I don't like treadmills. I'll use them when I need to. Could I could I learn to love treadmills? Sure. But honestly, I would rather run in the cold rain than on a treadmill. No.

So, but I had to get the gear, right? I got gear. So I can run in any weather conditions. In fact, I actually like running in the rain and the snow, but I've trained and conditioned myself to like that. And on the days I don't like it, I do it anyways because I like, I like the idea of going out and running in cold, cold rain. In my opinion is the worst condition ever, but sometimes I go running in cold rain just because it's hard and I just do it because it's hard. Okay. Here's a perfect example. Um,

I love mountain biking, but I don't always have the time to pack up my bike, drive, cause where I live right now, it's, I'm not near the mountains. So I have to drive over to the nearest trail and the trails aren't mountains here. And so I'm like, ah, it's not the same. Now to drive. And now it's like 30 to 45 minutes or sometimes an hour and a half of driving. Like I could have been done with a great workout and back to work or back to the kids or whatever. So I got a bike trainer. What? Boring. But guess what?

They have the coolest software now and these coolest rides and they have the screen, right? So again, change it up, right? So in the time it would take me to drive over and back to a trail, which I still am going to do, I still love it biking on the trails, getting outside with my kids. But if it's just, I want to get a hard leg workout, bike training, I want to sweat like crazy. In the time it would take me to drive over there back, I've already gotten in a killer workout, but they have these softwares now that.

Rachel Denning (29:02.189)
Peloton's a nice one, but there's other brands and there's deals. I actually bought a system that hooks up my bike with a smart app. And the one I love the best is it's actually, they put a really nice camera on some biker and they biked all over the world. So, so far this week I have biked in Greece. I biked in Belgium. I biked in Bavaria yesterday, southern Germany, which was...

Donnie, one of my favorite places in the world. Um, I biked in some Epic trail in Idaho and like, like all over, right? And it's you're, you're, you're right there. Like you got this screen and you're just watching the scenery. Like you would see it if you were biking there and it's this got a smart software. So when it goes uphill, it gets harder. It's all, it's all built into this, this, uh, I bought the, cause I know some of you will ask me now. I bought the wahoo, the wahoo trainer, right?

Um, it's called the kicker, wahoo kicker. And I got on Facebook marketplace, got it screaming deal for less than half off on a brand new one. And I'm loving it. So then I get a ride through Bavaria while I'm listening to a really great audio book. And because I'm not actually bombing through a trail, I can sit there and take notes. And then I bought a desk. They have a, they have a cycling desk that fits over the top of your bike. That should show up maybe tomorrow or.

Hopefully maybe today or tomorrow or next week whatever and then I can set my laptop there and I can actually get work done so I can be just grinding it through Bavaria and Getting taking notes and getting some work done and capturing some ideas. I love doing that again, you can try you try whatever try racquetball try tennis try Anything try polo try water polo like whatever just try stuff Do something different change it up be creative learn to like it in different ways?

That's the that was the third thought, right? One, two, three. OK, number four.

Rachel Denning (31:05.389)
This one's big.

Train yourself to like what you need. Condition yourself to like what you must.

Do you realize that everything you like or dislike is all because of conditioning? Let that sink in for a minute. This is a huge, huge life principle. Everything you like or dislike is all because of conditioning. Now I believed for a really long time that it was just the way I was. Maybe I was born that way, right?

I just, I thought it was kind of fixed. I thought it was just there. I assumed because by the time you become cognizant, you've already had so much conditioning, so much training, like unconsciously, cause you're just a kid. All you care about as a kid is like eating, playing, sleeping, like whatever, like you're unconscious. And so by the time you become conscious, it's already so deeply ingrained. You just think, well, this is the way I am. This is me. But you don't realize,

You've been conditioned to that. So everything you like or dislike is part of conditioning. Everything you do is all training, everything. No joke. This is huge. And when you dive into psychology and study this, you realize this is, is, is amazing and it's all changeable. It's all transformable. I did not realize that I had conditioned myself or had been conditioned to it.

Rachel Denning (32:48.781)
And I learned this personally with a change in music. Right. I grew up because my family, when I was a little kid, my family, they chose to listen to a certain kind of music. Well, I grew up, I liked that music and I just assumed like, Oh, well, I can't change my likes. I just like it. Right. Cause I was totally unconscious. I thought, Oh, I can't change what you like. Of course you can. The only reason you like it is because you were conditioned to like it.

And when I was like, I don't want to make a change. And I made a major shift in music and I did a couple of times. I'm like, oh my goodness. And then after a while, I really liked the new stuff. And I realized I, when I heard the old stuff, I'm like, I really don't like that. I had totally transformed my likes and dislikes. Well, then I realized you can do it with food. The food you like, you've just been conditioned to like it. You realize you could just stop eating that.

start eating something completely different, learn to love it so much that you don't like the old stuff. I did that because I wanted to be healthier. I wanted to like something different. So I conditioned and trained myself to like a different. So I did it with food. Then I did it with style, like maybe certain clothes or hairstyle. You could totally transform that if you wanted to. I did it with my personality. I did it with places. You think, well, I only like this place. I don't like other places. And then I totally transformed that.

Oh man, I really like other places. I don't like that other place. You can transform it. You can do it with people. You can do it with habits. You can do it with running, et cetera. Literally anything. You can condition yourself to like it. Now the problem is you can actually condition yourself to like things you shouldn't like. And then you've done that. Right? So this one we've got to be careful with and

And tyrants and manipulative people have used this to advantage. They have, they've really conditioned people to like things they shouldn't like. Clever marketers, people without consciences have used this fact to train people to like things they shouldn't like. So be careful with this. In fact, you've already done it without even realizing it, or you might be doing it right now to your own children. You're conditioning them to like things that...

Rachel Denning (35:14.413)
that aren't going to serve them very well or add a lot of value in their lives. This works with literally everything. And sometimes it often takes like enough time, enough time has to pass, but it can happen. So on this principle, get crystal clear about the good things you need in your life, and then condition yourself to like and choose it. Like continually tell yourself,

You like it and then turn on the emotion of liking it. Do you realize that you have so much power of that you can turn on emotions and turn off emotions. We are not victims of our emotions nor are we victims of our thoughts. We have far more control and power than we think you do. So if you want to like something turn on the like turn on the emotion of liking it. Yeah but I don't. Well right. But you what you're doing conditioning. So at first you feel like no I'm like lying to myself. I don't really like it.

but you're telling yourself you do, it's like changing a belief, right? You start telling yourself you believe something and then in the back of your mind, you're like, no, I don't, I don't believe that. And cause you're, you're rewriting, you're overwriting the old program, the old software. You can convince yourself of anything. I mean, look around, look at people who believe ridiculous, completely untrue stuff and they believe it, right? You can convince yourself of anything. So,

pick the things you want to convince yourself of and lean in. Now, again, the challenge with that is you have to become really conscious and really aware of aware of what you are constantly telling yourself. We have around 60 ,000 thoughts a day, roughly. Most of those are just repeats. And over and over 90 % of them are just repeats from yesterday. And it's all happening subconsciously or unconsciously.

So when I started paying attention, I realized how often and how much I was telling myself what I liked and what I didn't like, like what I hated. Well, duh, of course, I mean, for most of my life, I hated running. Well, here's why. I told myself I hated it all the time. And when I became conscious of that, I'm like, I'm like, oh man.

Rachel Denning (37:40.909)
Because people would invite me to run or go around. I'm like, I hate running. Hate running, hate running. But I wasn't aware of it until I became conscious. And I'm like, man, I tell myself I hate it all the time. And where did that come from? And when I started really searching back there, it had come from some negative experience I had as a chubby, lazy, sugar -filled kid. That was old programming that needs replacing. It needed updating and upgrading.

And so when I switched that and I started trail running, it really, it really changed for me when we were living in Guatemala the first time. And I started, cause my friend there, he's a runner and I'm like, I don't like running, but I liked my friend and I want to spend time with them and I liked nature. So we started trail running and then I ended up, man, we were, we were running. I was running a half marathon through the mountains with 5 ,000 feet elevation gain every week. We were just cranking in the miles there. I love running and I love it now. Like I absolutely love it. So I went from hating it to loving it.

but I had to notice that I kept telling myself and generating the feelings and emotions of hating it. So I upgraded the old programming. Another aspect of this is the way you're doing it. Sometimes you hate things because you're not doing it very well. Or if I might be so bold, sometimes I see people hating things because they're doing it wrong. Right?

A lot of you don't like things that you could and sometimes perhaps should simply because you're not doing it in a likable way. So here's where some big examples of this whole principle come in. Maybe you don't like cooking and perhaps you could or should because you're not doing it well.

Either you suck at it or you're just the way you're doing it or what you're cooking. Maybe you're just cooking out of a box. Learn how to cook really well. Or maybe it's the tools you're using, the instruments. Maybe your kitchen's not set up very well or you don't have the good cooking stuff. How many of you have disliked something because of the equipment? Man, I know I have. As much as I love mountain biking, if I'm riding a crappy bike all the time, yeah, I wouldn't like mountain biking.

Rachel Denning (40:04.173)
And so you're like, nah, I don't like mountain biking when it wasn't, it wasn't mountain biking. It was the bike. Maybe you don't like cooking, but it wasn't cooking. It was like your kitchen or your instruments or the kind of food you were cooking, right? Or the style or the methodology. Are you with me on this? Many people don't like morning routines. They don't like getting up early and doing a morning routine because they're doing it wrong or they're not doing it in a likable way. They don't have a system set up. They don't have a way to, a way to wake up actually.

That starts to play into how you go to bed and when you go to bed. Many people don't like getting up early simply because their evening and bedtime routines stink. They're sabotaging their morning success. So you have to, you have to set it up in a likable way. Set up a morning routine that you love. You get into it, you go, Oh, this fantastic. I love waking up. You're constantly rewarding yourself. And so mentally and emotionally, this is great. This is wonderful. You do a morning routine in a likable way. Guess what?

You like your morning, but if you're doing it wrong or maybe it's not wrong, but it's just not as likable for you. And it's going to be different for everybody, right? The way I do it, you may not like it, but you got to find a way that you like it. That's actually valuable to you and you get the benefit. Change the way you're doing it and you like it. So here's another one. I'm just going to keep just as many as I can come up with. And I know you'll come up with even more of these of practices in life where all these principles fit this whole entire conversation of like,

Liking, learning to like and want the things that we need. Right? Maybe it's teaching or speaking. You've never liked teaching or speaking. Well, it might be because you're not doing it in a likable way. Get good at it. Do it in a way you really like it. Prepare for it. You're like, man, OK, I actually like teaching. That's how I was. No, you kidding me? I couldn't talk to I couldn't talk to anybody. I was so timid and shy and and.

insecure and afraid. Who would have thought that my life's work and the thing I love as much as anything else is speaking and teaching. Yeah, I love this stuff. It honestly might be parenting. I know a lot of good people. They don't like being parents. It's not what they thought it was going to be. But in a major way, I see this so much.

Rachel Denning (42:30.189)
they're not doing parenting in a very likable way. And so they don't like the method and they don't like the results. In a lot of ways, they're either A, doing it wrong or B, just not doing it quite well in a likable way. So if you shift the way you do parenting, I've done this a lot with coaching. If you'll shift the way you do parenting, guess what? Parenting becomes amazing.

It's so stinking fun. Like I love it. I geek out. I love being a parent. But there were times, especially early on when I had no idea what I was doing. Man, I don't like being a parent at all. I'm like, this is what we signed up for. And so you try to convince yourself like, this grind is hard and you're like, oh, I'm making the ultimate sacrifice. I'm just going to endure this. Right? All of a sudden you, the parenting is like, endure to the end.

but there's no end of parenting because you're always a parent once you have kids, right? And then grandkids. But, and so then it becomes this endurance event and it's terrible. And you, you're just trying so hard to keep a good attitude because it's so miserable. When like, if I were to meet with you and we were meeting like, no, like, well, no wonder you're not enjoying it. Like, look how you're doing it. That's not enjoyable. Right? So you shift. You guys with me on this? I'm not throwing anybody under the bus here.

And this is true for all of us. I had to learn all of these things. And like, oh, there's a better way to do this. And when we do the better way, guess what? This is crazy enjoyable. I really like it. Well, where else does it apply? It actually applies to sex. There's a lot of people who don't like sex. I can't understand that, but I can understand it because they're not doing it right. Right. And again, please understand me here. I keep using the words right and wrong. It's not necessarily.

you know, literally right and wrong, but it's just likeable or more likeable or even more likeable. If there's, if it's off, if your sexual relationship is off with your spouse and it's like, ah, it's okay. It's not enjoyable because you're not doing it like you could like study, learn, figure this out. There's a lot of anatomy there. There's a lot of emotion there. There's a, there's a whole formula and process for that. That's way beyond just the act itself.

Rachel Denning (44:57.229)
Like there's a whole, you gotta understand it all. And when you understand it all and you live by it, like, okay, wow. Uh, I'm glad I learned what I didn't realize before. Cause this is amazing. Right. And it's true. This is true with so many things in life. Like do it better, do it differently, do it in ways that are likable. How about eating healthy? Right. That's a big one. So many people are like, I don't eat healthy. Well, it's because they're like gnawing on tofu or something and they think, Oh, that's healthy. Or.

Somebody along the way is like here eat this it's healthy and they gag it down. It's disgusting and Having traveled all over the world and eaten everything I get my hands on there's a big difference in how we cook food in the world and Americans especially American food is so bland compared to everywhere else and I know that's a big generalized statement, but in generalized

I found that's true for us. And the opinions, right? So we've met all kinds of people. It's been so fun. We've met all kinds of people, every kind of eating lifestyle from vegan, raw, vegetarian, all meat, like we've everything right? Hunter gathered, we met this guy who was a gatherer that he would only eat things that he gathered, including roadkill, like, okay, wow. Right?

But some people, their definition of healthy eating is wretched. And I'm like, man, if that if that was the only thing I had been introduced to as healthy. Yeah, I wouldn't like healthy eater either. Right. Yeah. Because it needs to be delicious and nutritious. It doesn't just have to be nutritious. So it's it's not healthy eating itself. It's the way you're doing it.

So shift it up. I meet people all the time. They hate travel. I'm like, oh, that's interesting. Why do you hate travel? And they describe their travel experience. And I'm like, okay, no wonder I would hate travel too if I did it like that. They did it again. Wrong. I'm gonna use the word wrong. They did it wrong. They didn't travel in a way that's enjoyable. Like, well, yeah, no wonder. Man, if I took my kids and tried to do that.

Rachel Denning (47:17.709)
We would all hate travel. None of us would ever travel again. We'd never leave because we hate travel. Well, it wasn't travel. It was the way you were doing it. Same with reading. A lot of people hate reading. Well, describe it to me. What did you do? Well, you weren't doing it in a way. And sometimes it's the genre. Sometimes it's the way you do it. It's again, conditioning, training. They don't like studying. Well, how are you doing your studying? They don't like writing. Well, how are you doing it? Do it.

Do it in a way that's super enjoyable. Journaling. I mean, people are like, they hate journeying. I'm like, okay, describe your journaling experience to me. Well, I just sat down at the end of the day and wrote down the things I did. Like, that was so blah, dumb. Like, the reason they didn't like journaling is because the way they were doing journaling. And so try something totally different. And I've done this with a lot of people, a lot of coaching clients. They're like, oh my goodness.

When I shifted now, I love journaling. I can't get enough of it. The same with meditating. People are like, I tried it once or twice. Like, oh, I'll never do that again. I'm like, describe it to me. Right. And there's so many different ways to meditate and not not each way. What works for somebody might not work for you. Same with journaling, same with writing, same with studying and reading and travel, all that. You might be like, oh, look, these people love traveling and do what they do. And it doesn't work for you.

So you have to find out what works for you, what makes you, like it lights you up. You just love it. Same with prayer. It's really interesting. There's different ways to pray. And then family life. If you don't love, just absolutely love family life, then you might not be doing it in a likable way. Switch it up.

And I hear this all the time. Most people, they don't know really what to do with family life. The only real example they have was how their parents raised them. And it might not be working for you. So if you don't love family life, do it differently. I got to lean on this one specifically.

Rachel Denning (49:33.741)
because most of you are, and most of the people, most of my audience are family people, right? Obviously, it's an extraordinary family life podcast. If your family life isn't extraordinary, change the way you do it.

Find things that work that are still effective, but that you actually really like. Family life should be the most enjoyable and rewarding experience of life. If you don't just love, I mean absolutely love family life, you might be doing it wrong. Or just doing it in a way that's not likable, enjoyable, or working. Figure that out.

Um, it might be the same with like investing or finances or working. If you, if you don't love the work you're doing, find a way to do it. Like you, I think there's a way for everyone to love the work they do love what you're occupied in doing, but you have to figure this out. Now, a little side note in this, in this principle here, please, please outsource what you can.

And this is true for all areas of life. Outsource what you can. Perhaps outsource whatever you can. And do only what you can do. Many of you aren't enjoying something. Let's say you don't enjoy exercise, or you don't enjoy family life. Perhaps you don't enjoy work or morning routines or any things we said, parenting.

Not because of the thing itself and not even necessarily because you're doing that thing in an unlikable way. You might be like, I'm doing it like a way. What's happening is you're so burnt out. You're crazy busy. You're distracted. You're overwhelmed. You're on autopilot or survival mode. You never stop or slow down or enjoy what you could enjoy because you're so worried about or concerned about or wrapped up.

Rachel Denning (51:44.301)
in things that you personally don't need to be doing. Whoa, this is big. Is that hitting home? Who's with me on this?

Let's say, I'm gonna pick, let's pick exercise. Let's say you're doing your exercise and you're doing it in a likable way, but you're not enjoying it. One of the reasons might be because you are so wrapped up in the other things that you have to do. So you're always thinking about it, you're like, I can't work out, I don't have time, I have to do this, this, this, or.

while you're trying to work out, you're thinking about it. You're constantly going through your to -do list. You're worried about it, you're concerned about it, you're stressed about it. I can't, I can't, I can't, you can't even enjoy your workout because of all the other things. And here's what I wanna lean into, just with so much love but emphasis here. I really wanna push this hard. Because a lot of people, again, training and conditioning, we have this kind of social conditioning that we shouldn't do it or we couldn't do it. But I'm gonna lean in hard here.

There are so many things that you are doing that you personally do not need to be doing. My friends outsource anything and perhaps everything that can be outsourced. Peak performance and optimization actually require this. The greatest Olympians, the best business leaders,

You know, the highest performers in every area of life, including parenting and family life, they are not doing everything. They can't. In fact, they're not doing anything that they don't have to do. Right? They can't afford to do that because it will inhibit their full potential. Well, guess what? You can't be the amazing spouse.

Rachel Denning (53:42.477)
you could be or the world class mom or the world class dad that you could be if you're spending your time scrubbing the toilet.

I'm serious. Anyone can clean your toilet. But no one can make passionate love to your spouse but you.

Anyone can mow your lawn, but no one can be mom or dad to your kids.

Anyone can do your laundry or run the errands, but no one can do your workout for you. You can't outsource your pushups, but you can easily outsource cleaning the house, taking care of the yard, picking up the dry cleaning.

You with me? Like this is huge. So many of you are not enjoying aspects of your life that you really could because you're just, you're overrun with all these things that you don't need to do. Now, yes, they need to be done, but there's this major misconception that you have to do it all. That's not true. And if you want to really optimize your life and really reach for your potential,

Rachel Denning (55:13.389)
You've got to outsource more. Many of you are not doing or not enjoying what you need because you're so consumed by other stuff. Ooh, let that sink in. In fact, my invitation to you is hire, hire somebody to or outsource. I mean, there's lots of ways to outsource beyond hiring. Hiring is just one way to outsource. Outsource all the other stuff you can. And try it. Just give, just experiment with it. Try it.

outsource as much as you can. And when your kids are older, you can outsource a lot of stuff to your kids that they kind of earn that part. They take over ownership of that. Try it. Please just try it. Pick something, outsource it. And pick the one thing. What's the one thing that consumes so much? And it might be like, man, it's the dishes. It's meal prep. It's laundry. It's constantly picking up after the kids. Outsource that. Hire somebody. Like, oh, I don't want to spend the money. What in the world is your money for if it's not to make your life better?

And allow you to do the things you want and need to do and actually enjoy them. That's what it's for. Well, I mean, I get passionate about this one and just try it. Just try it. Experiment with it. I'll source something today. All right. Last principle. This one's where the tough love comes in. This is where Mr. Coach Coach Greg comes in. Sometimes you just won't like.

what you need to do. Well, do it anyways. That's what I call being mature and responsible. Being an adult. Sometimes it just sucks. Well, so what? Embrace the suck. Every day you can and perhaps ought to do things you don't like but are good for you simply because we must.

Cultivate your I do what I say no matter what muscle.

Rachel Denning (57:19.245)
Our lives are so comfortable and so convenient that many of us have become big old grown up babies. And there's going to be times that you just do it because you're an adult and you just do it. Right now. Again, that's that's just one aspect of this overall principle. There's still times you guys often where I don't feel like doing it.

I just don't. I don't feel like working out or I might feel like working out but not working out hard. Right? Or I don't feel like doing this task or working on this project or getting up. You guys I've been getting up really early for like two and a half decades. And there are still a lot of mornings that I do not feel like getting up and it it sucks. Like it hurts you're overcoming sleep inertia.

Especially if you had the kids wake you up, or you had a rough night, or a late night, or whatever. You just like, do it anyways.

Right? And embrace the suck. In fact, if you want to take this to another level, specifically choose hard things that you're going to do every day just to cultivate that muscle of like, hey, when I say I'm going to do it, I do it. I can do hard things. Because the easier and more affluent and comfortable and wonderful our lives are, the more we have to deliberately choose positive, good things, valuable things. I mean,

You could do this with whatever and it doesn't add much value, but if you pick something that actually adds value to your life and you do it every day, you get tough. You get to this point where mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, you're like, look, I do what I say I do. That's a good thing. And if you're affluent, like I bet all of you are, and you're raising kids, you gotta especially teach your kids to do this. Teach them to choose.

Rachel Denning (59:26.765)
We're not forced into it. We have to actually choose to do really hard things. So mine is a cold shower. I take a cold shower every day. Guess what? It never gets easy. I don't enjoy them. I don't like them at all. And I'm like, man, I don't want to. Every time I'm like, I don't want to do this. But I turn on the cold water and I stand there and I calm down my breathing and my heart rate because A, it's crazy. Good for you. It's good for your lymphatic system. There's so many benefits.

of cold water. So and and B, so A, it's good for you and B, it's like, I want to practice. Every day I want to practice doing hard things because that's who I want to be. I want to I want to do hard things and I want to have that identity and the practice and build that muscle like I do hard things. When I say I'm going to do it, I do it and I get in there. So pick pick hard things, learn to embrace hard things. And

And again, that's why I shared all these different principles and sometimes they seem to contradict each other and be countered, but it's the two sides to the coin. So the other principles are like, you know, find a way to like it. So it's really enjoyable. And then some days you're like, no, I don't care if you like it or not. This is what I say to myself. I'm like, I don't care if you like this. Like we're going to do it because it's what we need to do. Right. And, and you just embrace the suck and you get after it and there's benefits there as well.

So I hope, I hope this was super helpful and just kind of wrapping our mind around all these different aspects, all these different ideas of really learning to love and want what we need and finding ways to really enjoy the things that ought to be a part of our lives. And you get to choose, you get to choose what really adds value to your life. Just be honest with yourself. What really adds value. And if it does,

If you want to be healthy and fit and you want to be well read and you want to have the great relationships and a great lifestyle, then do the things that need to be done. Learn to like them if you can. And if you can't, we'll do them anyways. And I mean, get some coaching, get some help, make it happen, right? But we can, we can lean into, I wholeheartedly believe because I've done it and I help my clients do it. There are ways to just set your life up, optimize your life. You guys know how much I love that word optimization. There are ways to optimize your life.

Rachel Denning (01:01:50.253)
and just smash it. Just really, really do well. The things that you need to do really well. It's awesome. So love this guys. Love. Thanks for listening. Um, I had, man, I didn't know I'd go this long, but I, I, I get so excited about all that stuff as you can tell, but if you like it, um, uh, be sure to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review if you like it and share it. Take a, take a screenshot of it, share it with somebody and, and lean in, take action today on one thing, pick one thing or pick a couple of things if you can.

What do you want to do differently? What do you want to do better? What do you want to focus on? What do you want to change up? What results do you want and what can you do to get the results in a really enjoyable way? How can you change things around so that you are consistently doing the things you need to do, but you actually want to do them and enjoy doing them. Awesome. Love you guys. Remember life, life is what you make of it and make it awesome.

It'll be whatever it is and we're always training for greatness and it all comes down to that training, that conditioning. We don't rise to the level of our expectations, we fall to the level of our training. So let's make the training happen in all these areas of life. Love you guys, reach upwards.