#166 The Size of Your Dreams MUST Exceed Your Current Capacity to Achieve Them

Rachel Denning (00:10.318)
Welcome back to the podcast. In this episode, Greg and I are talking about one of our favorite topics, dreaming big and setting and achieving goals. Greg has said that the size of your dreams must always exceed your current capacity to achieve them. We're going to discuss why dreaming is so important.

and why and how to dream big and to become the person who can fulfill those dreams. We'll show you how to take the lessons you learned in the last year and to start with a fresh canvas to make this year your best year yet. We'll also discuss why your obstacles are your opportunities and how to see them and use them as stepping stones to create your dream life.

You have to stop approaching life in a haphazard way and instead learn how to be strategic and intentional to create the family life of your dreams. Finally, we'll talk about making progress on the things you want to make progress in so you can start loving the life you're living. This episode is sponsored by our own Extraordinary Life Planner. Too many people spend their days working on to -do lists that are unfulfilling. But there is a strategic way to make your daily to -do list a step -by -step path.

your biggest goals and dreams. This is exactly the process that Greg and I use to make full -time family travel a reality for our family. It's how we have accomplished our biggest goals and dreams, like building a six -figure business that's location independent while traveling and homeschooling seven children in nearly 40 countries on five continents. We've outlined the process we've used into a step -by -step planner which will walk you through it to turn your own dreams, no matter what they are,

into reality with daily small consistent steps. Go to ExtraordinaryFamilyLife .com to get your copy of the Extraordinary Life Planner and start creating a life you love to live.

Rachel Denning (02:06.701)
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Rachel Denning (02:10.573)
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Rachel Denning (02:15.469)
Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of the Extraordinary Family Life podcast and happy new year! Woo! Oh man, isn't life amazing? It's so good. And we get to celebrate the expiration. The expiration? The extinction of an old year and the birth of a new year. And man, I love the opportunity to...

learn from an ending and start fresh, start over at a beginning. So wherever you are in life, maybe you guys had a tough year last year, went through some hard times or learned some hard lessons or had some challenges. Or maybe even you made some big mistakes. I know some friends of mine went through a pretty tough divorce and there's lost loved ones. I mean, it's a rough go. And so take...

take these opportunities, in fact, make them into opportunities to start fresh, to start new. And even if you had a great year last year, you know, last year was one of the, well, it was the best year of our life. And this year - You say that every year. I know, because it's true. And here's why, because when I was in my twenties, I remember meeting these older guys, and this was a pretty common occurrence. I meet these older guys and I talk to them and they would reminisce about, you know, years, decades earlier. Oh, that was the best year of my life.

And I'm sitting there as a 20 year old like, what is wrong with you? Like, why was that your best year of your life? What have you been doing with your life ever since? I remember thinking that. Like in your 60s or 70s, why are you still talking about when you were in your 20s being the best year of your life? I'm like, that's a crying shame to me. Like every year should be awesome. And so I remember making that commitment decades ago, you guys saying, oh, no, no.

I am not gonna be one of those guys that looks back and be like, oh, remember that year, babe? That was the best year of your life. Like, that's a lame way to live, which is, we're gonna talk about that today. So, even if it was great, like ours was great, take the lessons you learned from it, you know, celebrate what you're grateful for, what you experienced, what you learned, and then take all those lessons, start with a fresh.

Rachel Denning (04:38.285)
Slate, clean slate. A tablet, a canvas. A fresh piece of paper? Fresh piece of paper! Actually, we're going to talk about our extraordinary life planner. And you can start with that and then use that to make sure this year... Is it the best year yet? Yes, and I know that's cliche because people are saying it all the time, but I'm dead serious. 2022 should be the best year of your life.

Because every year should be the best year. It should keep getting better. I mean that's kind of the goal of life. Right. And not that there's no setbacks or no failures because that's often a part of growth and development. That's exciting. We hope you have lots of those. Yeah, if you have lots of failures. Fantastic. Woohoo. Yay. Oh, I love it. And I just did - You're failing forward. Yes, exactly. I did a post today and I want to pass it on here. On Instagram? Yeah.

your obstacles are your opportunities. But you have to see that you can't look at it and see the obstacle. I used to do that. And man, I know you and I both used to do that. Anything went wrong and oh, it was, we're going to be miserable probably for the next decade because something broke down in the car. This didn't turn out as we expected. Exactly. And now it's like, oh, opportunity. Yes, exactly. And now looking back, you're like, ooh.

look at all the amazing things that came because of the horrible things that we so desperately wanted to avoid. Right, exactly. And so it became great things. So today, my friends, we are going to talk about how to make this year awesome. And I want to start out by saying it all has to be kind of coordinated. Too many of us are going through life in this very haphazard, uncoordinated, less than strategic approach to life where

Nothing seems to fit together. And so today has to fit into the plan for your week. The week has to fit into the plan for your month. The month has to fit into the plan for your quarter. The quarter needs to fit in the plan for your year. And the year needs to fit into the plan for your life. That's a lot of thinking and planning that most of you probably haven't done. Actually, this group is pretty legit. You guys are awesome. So you've probably done it. But I confidently can say that the majority of human beings,

Rachel Denning (07:02.701)
They don't give it that much thought. And so what happens is all your efforts are kind of disjointed. Your days don't fit, your weeks don't fit, your months don't fit. And it's almost like you got your ladder against the wrong wall all the time or you're going nowhere, going the wrong direction. Or like Rachel was saying earlier today, you're spinning your wheels. Right. And it's...

Not that you don't have a lot of things to do. You have a lot of things to do. And it's not that you're not making progress. You're making progress, but you're not necessarily making progress on the things you want to make progress on. Exactly. And so you keep making progress on just living and organizing your life, but you're not loving the life you're living. Boom. So ladies and gentlemen, stop organizing a life you don't love. Right. Because if you are going to...

do what we were talking about a minute ago and create the best year yet and keep making every year your best year that does take strategy. It doesn't happen just by accident. It doesn't happen just because you do whatever you feel like doing any time you feel like doing it. It happens because you're strategic about it. You have a vision you're aiming for and then you're taking your daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly steps.

to getting, towards getting to that vision. There's clear strategy behind it. And in spite of all your hope, that you hope it works out, like hope is not a strategy. And then, man, I used to do that and I think a lot of people still do. In fact, I know a lot of people do. They just hope it works out. They hope their kids turn out good. They hope.

hope they can stay together in their marriage. They hope they have a good year. Yeah, hope. We just sure hope we have a good year. And that's about the extent of it. And some will go be like, I'm going to set a New Year's resolution. But easily, 80 % to 90 % of people will have dropped or forgotten their resolutions by February 1st. Which is interesting too, because there is a growing number of people or there's a group of people who don't set New Year's resolutions. And part of the reason is, one, they don't think that they work, which is...

Rachel Denning (09:22.125)
That's partly true, they don't work. Because this isn't a one time a year strategy. The approach we're talking about is something that is done on a consistent basis. It's facing the obstacles and working through them. And two, they feel like if I set goals, I'm just going to end up being disappointed. Exactly, I'm setting myself up for disappointment. So why don't I just... Go with the flow. Yes, exactly.

But the flow is a nice way of saying the drift. And if you're drifting, you're just gonna go where the wind and the waves take you. And that's the wind and the waves of the economy or society or social trends or culture or whatever happens to be going on in the world. You just get swept up in the current. And so don't go with the flow is what I'm saying. And you can be happy and peaceful and be in life. You don't always have to be go, go, grind.

You know, because some people believe that if you're not going with the flow, you're fighting against life. You're fighting against your soul's longings or you're fighting against, you know, this inner peace, this inner being when it doesn't have to be that way at all. You can strive towards your goals. You can aim toward them and have inner peace. Yes. Well, as you were describing that, I just literally, my mind just saw this.

peaceful striver. The peaceful striver. Exactly. It's like, just, I don't know, can you picture them in your mind's eye, you guys? The man or the woman just going up the path, moving. In the direction they decided to go. Right. Towards a dream, towards a goal. And there's some muscle burning because it's a climb. Right. And you're stepping over some obstacles. It does require strenuous effort. Right. But you're smiling and laughing and choking.

and you're pausing to enjoy beautiful things and you're with people you love. I'm picturing right now when we climbed this volcano in Guatemala this year, it was a dormant volcano next to an active volcano. And we were going up and it was a grind, man. And it was an amazing experience. And my boys and I, we both ended up, well not both, all three of us, both of my sons and I ended up carrying packs for other people. We like to do that when...

Rachel Denning (11:46.669)
when people are struggling or getting tired, like, hey, we'll take your pack so they can still enjoy it, right? And we train for it. So we're good. And all three of us were like, you know what, we're going to be chatting and smiling and joking and having a good time and carrying two or three extra packs or two or three packs total. And we were. And so I seen that and like, we were just going up, having a blast, just having a great time. And we weren't like, oh, this is so hard. And these packs are so heavy and this burns. We're like, yeah.

I'm sweating like crazy and my legs are screaming, but this is great. We're having a blast. That's the peaceful happy striver. Yes. So what we're going to give you today and maybe already in what we've talked about, you're already like, oh, that's so much work and so much planning. How do I organize that? How do I keep up with that? How do I do this? Well, turns out Rachel has created something amazing for you guys. Years of work. Yes, years of work from our own personal experience.

personal strategies and techniques we've used to create the life we have. I want to touch on something really fast though before we dive in to outlining this or laying this whole technique out. And that's the idea of the simplicity on the far side of complexity. And I've talked about this before. And I love it. I do. I love it. Because I got the idea from Stephen R. Covey who wrote a lot of books and one of.

the books he wrote was First Things First and some other ones. But anyways, he talks about this idea of simplicity on the far side of complexity. And every time I'm doing something like making a schedule for our family or working on curriculum or working on a business plan, I'm always thinking of this because it's so much work. In fact, just the past two weeks, I've been spending hours and hours and hours working on a curriculum plan for the next year for my children, six children.

right, because our oldest moved out, so now I've got six I'm focusing on. And it's so much work. But yet I know that it's worth all that complexity of literally thinking through all six of them and all the subjects they need to study and what exactly the curriculum is gonna be for each of the subjects and what time of day they're gonna likely be able to work on it. It's a lot of complexity. But having going through that process,

Rachel Denning (14:09.197)
makes it that much simpler on the other side for me to grasp what needs to happen and when it needs to happen and how to make it easier and how to make it smoother and how to make it fun. Like it really just makes the whole process in the end simpler because I went through the complexity of all the details. And so this is a similar idea. In fact, it's a similar deal with everything in life is you go through the complexity of thinking through.

all the details and on the other side it comes out and it's simple. Yes. So not easy necessarily but simple simple. So you find the work up front and you were working you you've been putting in some hours and cranking up but good job you did it as a peaceful striver. That's true. You love it because you get out of it and get out some nights I stayed up till 2 30 in the morning but.

Yeah, I love it. And so now all those hours have turned into a program, a course, a section of the follow -up. An organized routine schedule, a clear picture. Each of my children have a clear picture of what's expected of them and when it needs to be done and what the benefits and rewards are of doing it. Like it's simple. And it's put into... Because of the complexity I went through. Exactly. And it's put into a format that you...

can oversee and that they can use, which is the exact same thing with this. This is years of study and experience and compiling all the complexity of this big vision we're going to talk about and putting it into a very usable tool to then make sure, again, it's the simplicity on the far side of complexity to use now to make sure you're on target. Right. And so when we're going through this and if you...

like you were saying, might feel like, oh my gosh, this is so much work. Yeah. This is part of the point of being intentional, being strategic, is that it does take a lot of work, especially upfront work. But when you do the upfront work, it actually makes everything simpler on the other side and puts you on the path of where you want to go. Because otherwise, if you don't do the work upfront, because it's a lot of work,

Rachel Denning (16:37.517)
then you just end up living life and checking off your to -do list and doing all the things you have to do, which are many, many, many things when you're running a family. And a week passes, a month, a year, and you haven't made any progress on what really matters to you. Exactly. And so at the end of that, and everybody listening here, close your eyes for a second, unless you're driving.

or running maybe. Yeah, you can run with your eyes closed. See how that turns out. Send us a message how that goes. If you're biking, this could be fun. We could have some real adventures here. Just stop if you're going to close your eyes. So just picture for a second getting going down the road a ways and then looking back and be like, ah, what was it all for? I didn't have time to invest.

those hours into thinking through all the details of my vision and goals and dreams and now here it is five or ten years later and I still haven't achieved them. What does that feel like? And I've been busy, busy, busy, go, go, go, but what do I have to actually show for it? Going, going, going, but going nowhere. Right. Survival isn't enough. Right? It's not enough to just be alive in a few years from now. And survive.

And it's a really, I'll be bold here. It's a bad situation if you are in the same spot a few years from now that you are right now. Like none of us should be in the same place next year that we are this year. Cause every year should find us a little better, even if it's just a little bit. But each of us, and again, that's why we're given the tools and talking about this, we can implement some small strategies to make one or 2 % improvements that then compound over the year. And in a year from now,

What are you going to be celebrating one year from now? What achievements, what growth, what progress, what stories are you going to have to tell one year from now? That's why this all matters so much. Because those years will pass, my friends. They will. And it's worth all the effort. Now, this is not a sales pitch for our planner, although you should buy it, because for a very small price, you can get...

Rachel Denning (18:59.501)
all the work and effort that and strategy and thinking we put into this. And Rachel is a champ. So she did a well, and I did a tiny bit. I'll take a little bit of credit. We did a men's version. So it's manly. And then we did a woman's version and she did all kinds of women's variations that I just saw right now. They look incredible. They're exciting. I want all the women's versions, one of each. Okay. But let's dive in. So

Back to this idea of the big picture, right? You wanna make sure that what you do this year fits into the big picture of life. Well, which really means you wanna make sure that what you do today or tomorrow fits into the big picture of life. Exactly. Because ultimately, that's the big problem. That's where things don't match up for a lot of people.

is they're not matching what they do today with what they want in life. Long -term. Yes. Yeah. And what is life if it's not just the sum total of our days? That's really what it is. Life is just the sum total of your days. So in a very real way, what you do today needs to fit into who you want to become and what you want to do in life.

So good job for listening to this podcast. Because you're using this time today to create an extraordinary life. Right. So if you want to create this extraordinary life, you have to have your actions today match up with what that extraordinary life looks like. And so a lot of you, because you've told us and asked, are like, well, you know, you might have a little bit of an idea of what you want for the extraordinary life. But the first step is really getting clear or clearer.

about where you want to go. And so the first piece for all of it is getting a big picture vision of your ideal extraordinary life. I gotta jump in right away and say this might be uncomfortable for some of you or a little out of place. So many people we talk to as they become adults they kind of have stopped dreaming. They don't dream as much anymore and they kind of put

Rachel Denning (21:23.693)
put limiters and caps and false ceilings on their dreams. We've had people in our group say to us like, well, I don't know what my dreams are. I stopped dreaming because I didn't want to be disappointed or I was so busy. Or I wanted to be realistic. Yeah, I want to be realistic. That's just another way to be pessimistic. So this first part, you're going to like, okay, throw off some limitations and let yourself dream a bit because your mind's going to be like, whoa.

to take my family scuba diving on the Great Barrier Reef and your survival brain's like you can't do that you can't afford that's dangerous people will die that's so much money Australia's closed because of COVID yes there's all sorts of legitimate reasons and excuses and that's what your logical brain is going to do but that's not the point the point is when you dream dreaming and vision visioning has to happen

without limitations. You don't know how, you don't have to know how it's going to happen. There's something powerful that takes place when you allow yourself to actually dream about what you really want. When you, when you try to cap that or you try to limit that, it's like you're, you're messing with the process. You're almost dirty, mudding the waters, right?

You're trying to get clarity and instead of getting clarity, you're stirring up the mud at the bottom. So you... In a way, feels like this may be like the poet in me, but it feels like you're messing with eternity. That is deep. It's poetic, right? I was like, ooh, that's my inner poet. Because there's, I think there's these dreams and desires and...

ambitions inside of us to grow and achieve and to see what's possible. What can we do if we unleash that power? Yeah, and so we're naturally, each of us individually is naturally drawn towards a certain idea or vision or dream and that is a clue to what our future path is.

Rachel Denning (23:42.925)
has in store if we allow it. That's a clue to what our future potential can become. But if we immediately, if we're drawn to something, here's an example I look. Say you're flipping through a magazine and you see a picture of something that's just enticing to you. Maybe it's an exotic place or a library or whatever it is. If we allow the logic brain or the reptile brain to say, oh that's not possible, you can't do that, that's.

then we're cutting off that process of dreaming and we're shutting it down before it ever gets started instead of allowing us to see, allowing ourselves to develop that and see where it leads. And so you have to pay attention to those kind of things when you're in this dreaming process. If you see some picture of a place or a house or a car or a location, pay attention. Notice those things and then ask yourself why.

Why do I love that? What attracts me about that picture of an eagle in Mongolia or whatever, right? Like, what is it? That's the beginning. And then allow the feelings to kind of grow and flourish. Stir and circulate. Stir, yes. And kind of marinate inside of you because that starts to light things up and what it does is it starts to create possibilities.

And people don't do it and they've stopped doing it because it can lead to disappointment. They get excited about some idea. They get drawn to some thing about scuba diving in Hawaii. And then they get disappointed because they can't figure out how to make it happen. But the reality is. It didn't work because you didn't work. That's a reality. The reality is, yeah, just because there are obstacles in the way.

doesn't mean it's not possible to achieve your dreams. In fact, that is the price to pay for achieving your dreams. You have to be willing to pay the price and the price is failure, disappointment. Turning obstacles into opportunities. And then turning the obstacles into opportunities. That is the path. That is the path. That is the price. Whoa. Sorry, one final thing. Too many people get tripped up on the first obstacles and...

Rachel Denning (26:07.053)
aren't willing to pay the price and that's why they're forever disappointed. Yes because then they sit down and they're disappointed and they're like what was the point? Why did I allow myself to drink? Yeah I just that just hurts. Instead of getting back up brushing themselves off and be like let's go. Let's keep going. That was just the first little obstacle. So we're sitting we're recording this in my office I've got my vision board up here with some really awesome stuff on it.

cool pictures that Greg is attracted to. Yes, I just printed out some brand new ones for things I want and then I have sitting on my desk my life list with some super cool stuff that I want to do including studying with the Shaolin monks which you can't even get into China right now. That's okay. Riding ponies in Mongolia. We actually, we actually, I'm sorry I'm interrupting.

We had a trip planned to go study with the Shaolin monks in China in 2022. Sorry, 2020. And it was canceled because of COVID. Riding ponies on the Mongolian steppe, you did that, yes. I want to go to the, I don't know how to say it, the Potala Palace in Tibet. I want to go to that underwater river. Underground river in...

Philippines. We learned about I don't even know where I learned about I was reading this fictional book by my friend Tahir Shah and he talked about the Cathedral of st. George in Ethiopia. I'm like, what is that? It's an entire Cathedral carved down into the stone of a mountain like unreal. I hope that's on my list like epic stuff, right? The pyramids of Giza in two days. I was gonna take my daughter and go to Colombia for her birthday trip, but

the border changes changed and we're not going. So, right, that was disappointing. That was pretty frustrating to learn that because we were both so excited for that trip for her birthday, but we shifted around and now in a couple weeks we're going to go play in Costa Rica, right? So again, obstacles will come, things will happen, but you go. So we want you to dream. So the first part is get a big vision of who you want to be and what you want your life to be like. And again, the extraordinary life planner,

Rachel Denning (28:23.213)
walks you through that process of getting the big vision and the big list and not letting doubts or fears get in the way. But I mean really start to let your mind go with what might be possible. Now and if you want it, we'll just touch on this quickly, but if you want to get into more detail with this,

Of course it's great to come up with a big vision of, I don't know, things you want to do, but another approach to this is to think about your life in different categories and yourself in different categories. So like what do you want to achieve or do financially, well financially yes, but physically with your body? Like what kind of condition do you want your body to be in? What kind of physical challenges do you want to take on? What about your mind? Can I pause right there on that one just real quick?

You guys, your body is the vehicle that you have for life. That's it. It's yours. So whatever your mission, whatever your message, whatever your dreams or goals or whatever, you have to do it in your body. Your body is your vehicle for this life experience. Yeah. Make sure it is in awesome condition. In reality, you can't do anything on your vision board if you don't have the body to do it. Yep.

and you might see it as a house, that your body is the only house you will ever live in. Man, you better take good care of it. So on that one, I just, sorry, I've just been thinking about that so much. It's so important to make sure your body's in great shape. So as you're thinking and dreaming about it, like what kind of health do you want to enjoy? And then mind was next. Mind, yeah, what kind of things do you want to learn or skills do you want to develop and books do you want to read?

Rachel rocked it this year, 35 books. I did 35 books this year. Oh yeah. Emotions. What kind of feelings do you want to feel on a regular basis? I mean we poll people about this a lot and most of them respond that what they feel most of the time is frustration or anxiety. What do you actually want to feel instead? Peace, calm, joy, happiness. Like that's an intention to set and you can be strategic to help yourself.

Rachel Denning (30:51.053)
Feel more of those emotions more often. You don't have to just go through life feeling whatever you feel. Exactly. Man, I want to put an exclamation mark on that idea. Because most of us, and if you guys have heard us talk for a while, you're going to realize we talk about choosing your emotions all the time. But if you're new or you kind of haven't been around that much, you might be like, what? How can I just choose my emotion? I don't, it's not like I can. Emotions just happen to me. Yeah, they just happen to me. I don't, I control how I feel when I get up.

I can't control what other people say or do to me during the day. And so it's this subtle form of victimism where we just allow our, again, the drifting, the going with the flow. We allow our emotional state to just be pushed around, blown around, pulled around, whatever, manipulated by other people and things. When you say, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm going to choose how I feel. I remember this reality hitting me. I was in my twenties and I remember getting so...

Upset you had a horrible temper. Okay in your 20s. Well punch holes in wall type temper No, that was in my late teens. Come on, babe. I was it was it was under control early 20s It was under control by the time I met Rachel. By the time you met me. She's never seen the wrath. Oh man, I had a crazy temper and I'm so upset you guys if Somebody said something mean or did something Traffic, right? Somebody cuts me off in traffic. Oh

That is such an insignificant thing to me now. Like somebody pulls over and I was like, that was rude. And that's it. That was it. Like half a second. I was like, oh, that was rude. Not cool. Back then, it was all day long. That evening before bed, I'm like, ooh, I'm still so upset. I can't believe that guy. And then finally one day I realized like, you idiot. You gave away your entire day, a whole day of existence to somebody who was like maybe they're on their way to the hospital or something like.

Why am I giving away my day and my emotional well -being to some stranger? Like, it was crazy. And so that was the beginning of like, no, wait a minute, I'm gonna choose my emotions. So part of this big life picture in how you wanna do life is choosing which emotions you wanna feel most of the time and then learning how to do that. Yes, and you have a podcast about that that goes into more detail. Anyway, so.

Rachel Denning (33:13.005)
Part of doing the big vision is going through these different areas of life. You can also look at your spiritual well -being, your relationships, your finances, money. You can also look at the different roles that you play. This is one way I like to look at it, because I feel like, especially as a mother, I have different roles and jobs. And so I want to look at myself. I don't want to neglect myself as a person, but I also want to look at my role as a spouse and a parent and a friend and maybe I'm a musician or an author.

or you want to be those things. So what are your big visions? And she's a babe. She doesn't have to work much on that one though. Whoa. Thanks babe. I forgot to add that one. Make sure to add that, babe. But what are the big picture goals? Well, not goals yet, visions for who you want to be in those different areas of life. And I love this section.

of the planner because it reminds us that we all have some complexity. Yeah, we're multifaceted. Right. So I can't just sit down and be like, well, this is who I want to be because I got to think through, wait a minute, what kind of husband do I want to be? What kind of dad? What kind of businessman? What kind of leader? What kind of friend? What kind of influencer? Like what kind of disciple? What kind of athlete? I got to think through this and be like, give me a target to aim at.

Yeah, well, and also this brings to mind another idea is because some people will pick a target and then that becomes all consuming. They're going after that big giant house and sacrifice everything else to pursue it. Or like we've also heard some people saying, you know, there's this whole hierarchy of needs out there by Maslow and that self -actualization is at the top of that hierarchy.

And some people believe that's an old fashioned idea and that people don't need to self -actualize to actually be happy and fulfilled, although we disagree with that. But this idea that, at least in that viewpoint, when you view it that way, it is a very selfish thing because you're working on actualizing your dreams and desires without taking into account your family and your role as a spouse and your role as a parent and all of these other facets of your life.

Rachel Denning (35:39.885)
But if you do it this way, if you take this approach that we're sharing and teaching, it isn't a selfish thing. In fact, it's a very selfless thing and ennobling thing because it allows you to be the tide in your family and to be the, if you're not familiar with the reference, be the tide, it means that you're this influence in the life of those around you that helps to bring the goodness, raise the energy of everybody around you.

And so in a very real way, I get to, my interpretation of self -actualize is to become my very best self. To reach your potential. I do it inside of the family. Dynamic. Dynamic, yeah. Inside of a family, right? So it's not to your neglect, it's actually to your benefit. Exactly. It's not to the neglect of my children, it's to their benefit. Exactly. It's not to the neglect of my business or my neighbors or friends or whatever.

It's to their benefit because the best thing I can do for anyone else is to make the most of myself. Exactly. And the reason Rachel and I so fundamentally disagree with that idea that it's an old fashioned idea is because it's impossible for you to be genuinely happy and fulfilled if you are living below your potential. Exactly. You just won't like yourself. And it's impossible for you to be the best husband, father, provider, lover, musician.

unless you are self -actualizing or in the process of doing that. Yeah. Oh, I love this stuff. Yeah. Okay. So the big vision includes all of that. This is still just at the top. Yeah, this is still the first step. And it's a critical step. And so some of you are like, whoa, geez, this is a lot Dennings. You guys are a little hardcore. But again, complexity, simplicity on the far side of complexity. Right. And if you...

If you avoid the complexity and you just stand on one side and like, oh man, my New Year's resolution was just to like go to the gym twice a week. We say, well, fantastic. That's great. But what's the bigger picture? To what end? And where does this fit in and how do you make it work? And there's more, there's more to you than just that. Now, again, we don't want you to feel overwhelmed. Yes, we do.

Rachel Denning (38:04.621)
Yeah, you need to feel overwhelmed because too many people are living in underwhelm. Yes. Yeah, the one thing that's much worse than overwhelm is underwhelm. Yeah. Exactly. So buckle up, buttercup. Because overwhelm is just another...

Rachel Denning (38:25.005)
explanation, excuse, word for complexity. And if you're feeling overwhelmed, it's because you're in the midst of complexity and you haven't yet reached the simplicity. You have to push through the complexity and the overwhelm to get to the other side where simplicity lies. Yes. The very best things in life are on the other side of overwhelm and of fear.

and of complexity and of challenge. Discomfort. Your extraordinary life is on the other side of all those obstacles that are standing in front of you. Exactly. So get overwhelmed because that's the only way to get to your extraordinary life. Yes, and do this work. If you're sitting here listening, you're like, no, that's way too much, then you're actually not seeing it. You're not willing to pay the price that is required to live the life you dream of living. Yes. So be willing to pay the price. Do the work. Yeah, this is going to take some work to think through this and write it all down and get it done.

And again, you can do it in your own journal or you can get the Extraordinary Life Planner. But do this and then use it to be the guiding, your GPS for you. Yeah, and because one of the other reasons that New Year's resolutions don't work is because they're not tied to this bigger vision. People set a goal like, oh, I'm going to go to the gym every week or twice a week because I should, because I'm overweight. But...

Unless it's tied to something bigger and more motivating and more powerful, it's going to, you're gonna slack off. You're gonna stop doing it because it's not easy. It's hard and it's gonna require effort and it's gonna require consistency and persistence and none of that is easy to do.

And it's especially not easy to do when you don't have some bigger vision of why you are doing it. Exactly. The big reason you're doing it is because you want to be able to participate in your family activities and not be the one sitting on the couch all the time. You want to be the one who's going to live long enough to see your grandkids and to enjoy life with them. There has to be a bigger motivating factor. Now you're hitting some nerves, Rachel.

Rachel Denning (40:42.477)
That's the point. You've got to hit those nerves or you're never going to feel it. You have to feel why these things matter. Yes. And that's the big vision. Ladies and gentlemen, you have a moral obligation to be there when your grandkids and even great grandkids get married.

be there. Oh man. Okay. Step number two. So if you, that was an overview of the first step. If all of your, I just got to throw this in one last kind of closure on this thought. If, if all of your new year's resolutions or your goals or your kind of routines or shoulds, then you're going to have a very shitty life. That's right. And that's lame. So get excited about it.

have fun with this. Don't dream and be like, oh, I guess I have to do that. Dream and be like, whoa, I get to do that. This is great. I get to sweat and read books that are hard to read and talk to people when I don't want to because I'm socially afraid. OK, that's one approach. My approach is to think about the benefits, the outcomes, the

the pleasant side of enjoying those things which is I don't know for me it's that rose colored vision of being with the people you love and them admiring you because you're someone of substance and character and they look up to you and they use you as an example of why they should push through the hard stuff in their life. Like it's being that legacy leaving

inspiring icon in your family that holds things together and provides power and foundation and grounding for the whole family. Yes, be that person of substance and character that has so much to offer. That

Rachel Denning (42:52.109)
You have to earn that. Oh, absolutely. That is not a default setting. No. That will not come if you cross your fingers or knock on wood or hope it happens. That's something that's earned. Day by day, hour by hour. Yeah. So get after it people, which you are. You're here listening. It's fantastic. You're in the right spot. Okay. So then you take those big visions because those big visions are necessary. You have to go through this process, but by themselves, by themselves.

They're not enough. You can't just have that vision and it's going to happen. Because that's the hope strategy, which isn't really a strategy. And it's seeing it without doing anything to get closer to it. So you kind of become delusional. Yes. You see it, you talk about it. Uh -huh. But it's, there's this chasm in between you and that vision that has to be bridged. Exactly. It has to be bridged and it has to be bridged with skill development, which seems interesting.

Lena, interesting enough is that what? I bridge the gap between where I am and where I want to be by building a bridge of skills. Because really the only way to get to the life you really want is to become the person who can live that kind of life. Yes. The prince or the princess cannot justifiably inherit the throne until they become...

kings and queens. Exactly. Right. It's becoming the type of person that can live that kind of life. Exactly. So your your goals and dreams will necessarily this vision will be bigger than you currently are. In fact, it will require you to grow as a person in order to achieve that. So the next step really is setting up the goals and habits really built around skill development.

But getting the goals and the habits in place is the next step. So it's the vision, then it's the goals and the habits. And I'll just tease this in here below that are systems and strategies for the goals and habits, right? So if you work it down from vision, it's goals and habits, and then it's systems and strategies. And then going the opposite direction, you have systems and strategies in place, like daily, the daily stuff that makes it doable, that's leading you to your goals and habits.

Rachel Denning (45:22.253)
that's leading you to your vision. Right. I just want to share this quote really fast because this is by Greg Denning. The size of your dreams must always exceed your current capacity to achieve them. So that ties into what you're talking about. You should set, you should have visions and goals big enough that they frighten you because you're currently not capable of achieving them. That's the ideal really.

You want to set goals that are going to stretch you and make you grow. Those are the ones that are really the most meaningful and fulfilling. Yes. That's intimidating. It is intimidating. I'm kind of feeling a little scared right now. That's good. That's good. You should be. Whoa. So I love how you laid that out there because essentially that's it. You're working from top down in order so that in your life you can work from the bottom up. Exactly.

But most people work from the bottom and they never really go up because you just keep working at the bottom. That's going, going and going nowhere. You're just wandering all around the foothills and never finding your path to the people. Yeah, because you're doing whatever's right in front of you. You have to do the laundry and wash the dishes and you have to pay the bills and you have to take the kids here and there. And you're doing all those things that have to be done but they're not necessarily leading to anywhere you really want to go.

And so that's why we have to do the vision to get an idea of where we want to go. And then you have to go through the process of figuring out where you are now, which this includes what we call writing your story or rewriting your story. Because every one of us is telling ourselves a story every single day about what we're doing and why we're doing it and why we can't do what we want to do. And we have to rewrite that and recreate that story in our mind first, which again, there's a section for that in the planner.

And then we have to actually identify, you could call them milestones, goals is also nice I think, because a goal's more short term, it's more tangible, and the vision's like big and beautiful and sometimes a little hazy, but the goals are like the milestones or the road signs on the path. Yeah, mile markers or targets. The mile markers, right.

Rachel Denning (47:45.133)
You have to identify those. Now one approach we really like is to do that in 12 week segments. Some people will set year long goals. Some people even have like five year goals. We don't operate that way as much because one of the reasons is that when you have shorter term goals, when you have a 12 week goal, you're gonna work on that a lot harder than if you have say a 12 month goal. Because every single day counts, every week counts when you're working on a 12 week goal.

you have to take action every day in order to make progress. Now that doesn't mean the 12 week goal is something that would honestly take you five years to achieve, but it would be one of those mile markers on that route to that longer term vision, if that makes sense.

So for those of you who are crazy go -getters, this isn't for everybody. This next comment is not for everybody. There's some of you who are ready to go. And it's the question of like, hey, what's stopping you from achieving your five years goal in the next six months?

What's stopping you from achieving your one year goal in the next 12 weeks? There are... We have seen this happen. Yes, and we've done it. There are certain things that can be... It's like that... What is that theory where it collapses time and space? It's a quantum, right? Like a wormhole? Yeah. It's this quantum leap. Yeah.

where it doesn't seem feasible and yet when you go all in and God and the universe are conspiring in your favor. And you start asking the right questions. Yes, how could I do this? How can I pull this off? How can I make this happen? Then amazing things start to happen. That is possible. Okay, so we're just looking through the planner now. One of the sections we have is...

Rachel Denning (49:55.885)
prioritizing your dreams. And so when you take those big visions, obviously you can't work on everything at the same time. It's powerful to go through the whole process of like, what do I want to do spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally, all of that, and in all my different roles. But when you get to work, you can't do all of it at the same time. So you do have to prioritize. You're like, okay, these are all the things I want to do. What do I work on first?

and sometimes you can work on three things at the same time, but you need to prioritize them in order to, that's another reason people don't achieve their goals is because they're trying to do too much at once, their focus is scattered all over the place, they're not clear about exactly what they want and when they want it, and so it's like all this energy and effort is wasted in a lack of clarity. So when you can prioritize what it is you want,

and what you want sooner than later, that helps you to make clear progress and to take specific directed action that leads to results. I want to throw in one little warning here that I see all the time. One reason people don't hit their big goals and dreams is because they're not willing, ironically, to...

sacrifice some of the smaller inconsequential stuff. They hold on to that so fiercely that they actually give up what they want most for what they want in the moment. And it's kind of crazy when you step back and look at it, you say it out loud, you're like, are you kidding me? I gave up this big amazing dream for this little sand castle, right? It's...

It's crazy when you see it that way. And that's why we do this kind of mind work and these kind of exercises because it shines a light on what's actually happening. And I don't think any of us who look at it will be like, whoa, yeah, there's no way in the world I'm giving up the opportunity to live this extraordinary dream for Netflix. No way. And yet day in and day out, that's actually what is happening. You're spending so much time on Netflix every night, just one little hit at a time that...

Rachel Denning (52:17.037)
your big dream for this year or the next five years is actually being traded for Netflix. Exactly. Right. Holy guacamole.

Okay, so then we also have this process of taking those prioritized goals and then making them both DUM and SMART. Now those are acronyms. DUM stands for demanding, unrealistic, meaningful, and bold. And then SMART is specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time -bound.

Obviously we didn't come up with a smart one, that's been around, but I did come up with the dumb one. Because I was like, okay, smart goals are good for certain things, but you need some dumb goals. And in reality, you need both because again, it's tying the day -to -day action to the bigger, driving, motivating, powerful vision is essentially what that's doing. And so when you can tie those together, there's more power. That's the point. We're trying to figure out,

how do we actually make progress on what we want to do? Instead of just setting New Year's resolutions and then giving them up after a few weeks, how do we actually do this? And one of those key pieces is tying the day -to -day actions to the big dream and vision, and that's what we're doing in this process. So anyways, then once you've gone through that, you're basically gonna break that down. You're gonna take the dumb goals and the smart goals and you're breaking it down into,

a monthly plan, a weekly plan, and then ultimately a daily plan. Because that's where the rubber hits the road. On a day -to -day basis, when you take action towards that big vision you have that you identified, that's how you make progress. That's how you actually get there. Is by figuring out this is what I want, this is where I wanna go, that means...

Rachel Denning (54:21.037)
By this month I need to be here, by this week I need to be here, and that means today I start right now and right here. Yes. So I wake up in the morning, I reconnect with my vision, either in my vision board or rereading my story. I have a vision journal. Or using my philosophy journal. With pictures. So I reconnect with the big vision, and then I quite literally am making little check marks on my daily...

habits tracker or my activities tracker where it goes. So we're at the smallest level right there is where I make a little check mark next to the habit that I need to do on a daily because I know that in order to get to my big dream, it's going to be a lot of little breaks to build the palace, right? Or however you want to say it's a lots of steps on this journey to get where you want to go. But every day I'm going to say I look up. So I lift my head up.

No matter how I woke up from bed or what happened yesterday or whatever, whatever's on the, don't watch the news. But whatever's going on, you just, you lift up your head, you look at the mountain peak that's in the distance and you take a step and you celebrate the step and you mark your little paper. Yeah, I took a step. I took a step. I took a step. And what's amazing is how far you start to progress. And then like I was saying a moment ago, sometimes you get the energy and the burst to run.

or you catch a ride or something and you get a lot further along that path than you thought in a shorter time and you're living your dream and doing it joyfully and peacefully. So you are the joyful, peaceful striver. I love this stuff. So succeeding this year, making 2022 the best year of your life. It's all part of a bigger picture. If you just kind of go through the motions, it'll be good and it'll be the past. You'll have. Yeah.

You can have a great year. This isn't a requirement for having a great year, but it is a requirement for creating a great life. Absolutely. Where you're deliberate and intentional about where you want to go. And everything fits into the big picture. And so that you're, because the greatest struggle here and one of the greatest causes of failure is incongruence. That where my actions just don't...

Rachel Denning (56:46.541)
line up with my dreams. If you, oh, if these, if your days don't line up with your dreams, you're heading for, you're doomed. You're doomed. We got it. You're doomed if your days don't line up with your dreams. Right. Oh, that's good. And I kind of want to touch on this, although I'm not exactly sure how to address it, but there is this sense that some people have and we've,

come across it many times. In fact, we used to be these people. And that's this idea of like, how can I do this when I don't know what's gonna happen and I don't know what God wants for me and I don't know if it's gonna work out and I don't know if it's in God's plan or, you know, all of these different, people word it different ways, but in some ways it's this idea.

that you are simply a victim of fate or you're simply a, well yeah, some people, and this might sound crazy to some, some people might word it as though I'm a tool in God's hands and so I can only do what he wills me to do.

And yet... That kind of mentality is like more like tools the nice word for a pawn. You think you're a pawn or you're just this instrument and you're being manipulated by some god who's like... Which manipulated sounds like the wrong type of word. Manipulated sounds like a bad thing. Many people view this as a positive thing and yet we've seen it again and again where it is ultimately another form of victimism in that...

I don't have the power to guide and direct my life and so I have to leave it up to somebody else. And the irony is they're squandering the power that God has already given them to direct their lives to these great and noble purposes. Right. Which is our duty and our responsibility and our privilege to be able to do this. To be the directors.

Rachel Denning (59:04.269)
of our own lives, to be the creators of our own life, to use the power we have as humans.

to envision and then create.

what we want in our life. Which is an extraordinary life. Right, and an extraordinary opportunity and privilege. To become a person of substance and character that has so much value to offer the world. And I think it is actually this very process.

that is the purpose of life. You are here to learn how to be the creator of your life. And we just told you how! We just told you how to do it. Yeah! So it's worth every effort. It really is. It's worth every effort to do this. So either do it in your own journal or give the Extraordinary Life Planner. Put in the time. Make time for this. And put in the mental, emotional, spiritual, physical effort to get clear about this. Go through the complexity. Yep.

Yeah, lay it all out. And then once you've done that, you have the simplicity on the far side of complexity where you get up tomorrow and you make your little check and you just keep moving forward towards your dreams and goals. Oh, this is awesome. Love you guys. Reach out for it.

Rachel Denning (01:00:28.205)
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