Get answers to your questions about marriage, parenting and family life from experts and parents of 7 children!

Rachel Denning (00:11.15)
Hey everybody, Greg and I just returned from a truly incredible trip to Portugal to celebrate our 21st anniversary and we are very excited to record an episode about it. We're going to share all of the romance, the magic, and the serendipity that we experienced that surprised even us.

It's difficult for us to even put into words the super special experience we shared together during this trip, but we're going to unpack it for you and explain the key ingredients that made it so meaningful and outline some foundational principles for creating more magic and serendipity in your own life. You don't want to miss the romance and magic of this special episode. And if you haven't already, please make sure to check out our must read book recommendation list for creating an extraordinary family life.

We have books on parenting, marriage, health, finances, and lifestyle design. Get a free ebook that will change your life as well, The Majesty of Calmness. You can find it at ExtraordinaryFamilyLife .com.

Rachel Denning (01:13.326)
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the Extraordinary Family Life podcast. We are gonna tell you about the most magical experience we've had. And we knew it was gonna be good. But it was, this is, okay, this is part of our kind of core life philosophy. We love this idea of serendipity, right? And serendipity is kind of like, I don't know, some people,

simply defined as like this luck, but... Well, it's expecting something good to happen, but having something even better. Finding something better, right? So it's experiencing something extraordinary while you're looking for something good. So you're out looking for good. You're out, you're pursuing something and you find an unexpected thing that's even better. That's the best definition of serendipity that I've ever come across. And we try to live life like that.

especially when we're traveling. We're out traveling and we have an itinerary, we have plans, but I go into my trips fully expecting something to happen that's just off the charts. Things that you couldn't plan. And we've experienced things together, you guys, that you couldn't dream up afterwards. We couldn't have planned that in a dream. We've experienced some cool stuff. But this one, I don't know, I knew it was gonna be special. Well, okay, here's what's funny.

Rachel and I tempered our expectations to even make it, right? We've had two trips fail. Well, first of all, for people who have no idea what we're talking about, we took a trip to Portugal together. 13 days of pure magic. To celebrate our 21st anniversary and to also look for a home base, potential home base. We'd never been to Portugal before.

So back to what you were saying, we tempered our expectations because we left on this trip in March, but in February and January, you had two trips canceled. Because I mean, airlines are still iffy. Countries are like, are we open? Are we closed? Are we open? Are we closed? And they're changing the rules. So in order to not get disappointed, I literally told Rach, I'm like, I'm not even getting excited. Until we land. Well, I was like, let's make sure we get on our flight. And I'm like, wait a minute, our flight's up to New York.

Rachel Denning (03:32.111)
first, so I'm not going to count. I'm like, maybe if the plane takes off from New York, I might get excited. I'm like, nah, let's just wait. When we're on the ground and they let us out of the airport in Portugal, let's get excited. I was just really tempering this. And we knew it would be cool, but it was off the charts. It ended up being so special, so magical, so transformative. And.

And I hope you've experienced things like this where you go out and you feel, it might be imperceptible at first where you feel like you've changed, but then when you come back, when you come back to normal, the contrast is where it becomes obvious. And when we got back, I really felt it. And I don't even know how to clearly articulate it, but when we got back, I felt different.

I felt like I was a different person and it felt uncomfortable to come back to the thing that I was comfortable with three weeks earlier, right? You're like, ah, this doesn't feel right. And that happens, that happens often when you have these transformative experiences and trips. And we travel like that. Our trips are like that. And this one was unique. And we're going to talk through the elements here and try to identify the pieces.

so that we can replicate this, but so that you can too. And how it can change you and your marriage and the trajectory of your life, which this will for us. And I know some of you are, let's say it's already in there like, wait a minute, you went on a house hunting trip to a place you'd never been. And now we're like, we're planning on moving there.

which feels so exciting and it's like, you know, you know, it's the next chapter in your life and your family. And this will be pivotal in our family life history, our family legacy. As it has been previously as we've traveled and lived in other countries with our kids, right? But we've...

Rachel Denning (05:48.109)
The littles, our current little ones, they were really too young to really remember the international experience like our older ones did. So it's time for this to happen again. But now with the teens, their experience, anyways, the dynamics of our family right now, it's just important for us to go over and do this. And it's gonna change our family legacy. Right, and one of the reasons it was so special for us is because we talked before, or at least we talked in our code,

coaching about the time when we lived in Costa Rica and we considered staying there, buying a house even, planting roots, and we decided instead to move to Europe. And that was transformative for us, for our family, for our culture, for our...

everything. It was very transformative in how it helped us see the world and grow and develop. Yes, we are different people and different parents, different family dynamics because of that experience. Because of that time we spent in Europe. And so partly because of that we have very fond feelings for Europe in general. We love it and we've all missed it. So part of the specialness of this trip was being back. This is the first time we've been back since

2019 which was only a trip but we lived there last in 2017 I think. So that was special being back in that whole...

feeling of Europe, which is kind of just this old feeling. I don't know how to explain it, but it's just significant. It's old. There's a lot of history. There's a lot of life there. Well, and for those of you who've traveled, you'll get this, especially if you've traveled to older places. But when you go into a place like Portugal or Spain, which went on both, on this trip went to both places, not only do you have the oldness of Europe,

Rachel Denning (07:48.173)
You have the oldness like pre -Europe, like Roman ruins. We saw Roman ruins and then we, and what's cool about those countries in particular is they have the Arabic and Moorish influence. So you're in Southern Spain, Southern Portugal, you have this mix of Arabia and Africa. And plus it's just a melting pot, modern day melting pot for people from all over the world. But then you have layers of history is what I like to see.

and experience when you go to places in the world that have millennia, literally millennia of history stacked on each other. I don't know for me, I just kind of geek out about that. It's overwhelming of like how many people.

have lived here. As I was trail running along the coast of Portugal, I just kept thinking about Columbus and other sailors, right? How many sailors had sailed along that coast and seen that view for...

thousands of years. Yeah, well I remember that one little fort we found that was built in the like 700 years ago or something to protect the coast from pirates. That's right. Yeah. Regional Highway, I was just driving and took this little dirt road somewhere and then hiked up to this end of this little kind of falling apart fort and yeah they it's built a fort to protect the pirates. Protect from the pirates. Protect the locals from the pirates.

pirates. Yeah. Yeah. And just, well, we went in these little chambers where they lived and guarded the coastline and to think about their life. So that's part of it. We geek out on that stuff. That's so cool. But okay, so let's start kind of piecing together some of the elements. Maybe this is...

Rachel Denning (09:49.613)
will work out to be some form of recipe for transformative experiences. And at least like we are hoping that because it was so amazing for us. We want to recreate that of course as much as possible as we can in daily life and we're already we've been home a week and we're already realizing it's harder to do obviously because...

Because there was the magic of no children around, which that is a certain kind of magic, and the magic of just the two of us being together, and the magic of not having a schedule to operate by. And no to -do lists except to just have cool experiences and see. Whatever we want to do in the moment. Well, but it wasn't like we just sat around either. Yeah. So it wasn't a trip of like, nothing to do, let's just sit here. Ah.

Which, I mean, maybe sometimes you need a trip like that, but we've found that if you're actively enjoying a place and experience, it seems to be much more beneficial and transformative than just...

Oh man, let's just lay here on the beach, day in and day out, drinking lemonade and getting massages. I mean, and maybe there's a place for that, but when you get out, so the to -do list we had was to like experience the place. We didn't have any expectations or anything, we hadn't been, we were hoping. And we were going, like looking for a place to live, so I think that opened our minds to an additional level of like, let's just see it for what it is. Like what is here?

And sometimes that meant we went to go see the grocery stores. That was the sightseeing we did because we wanted to know if we were going to live here, where are we going to be shopping? But yeah, our to -do list was let's go run along the coast. Let's go walk on the beach. Let's go out to eat. Let's go, we did get a massage. Let's go get some gelato. So it was a very relaxed schedule, which inevitably has its own magic. So it's not as though we can come home and completely throw that out.

Rachel Denning (11:57.967)
Well, I mean, throw out, well, fully embrace that and throw out the schedule we have. Like, that's not an option because you have kids that need to be fed and educated and work that needs to be done and all of that. But what we do want to unpack here is how can we bring as much of that magic as possible to everyday life? It's...

It's a, it's almost a contradiction. And I think that's the point. And maybe we, not maybe, we have to figure out how to do both. And so there's, there's a way to bring more magic into the moments of everyday life, into the mundane, but then also to deliberately carve out space in your life for magic.

is what we're calling it, right? Because it just did feel magical. So, well, and for some context, we take trips, we go on overnights a lot. And little two or three day trips, maybe even as much as quarterly. And then every year we go on a big trip. But for the last - For at least the last five years, we've gone on a couples trip.

Which every year. And they have been amazing. I mean for reference last February our couples trip was a private yacht around the Galapagos which was the most amazing trip I'd ever been on to that point. It was unreal. And yet what was so unique about this one while I mean that trip was amazing in every way.

But I think what you're getting to was that in every one of those trips, we've been leading them and there's been other couples. And what was unique about this experience is that it was you and me alone. And no strict agenda. No strict agenda, no leadership role. We had to fill no expected interaction with other people.

Rachel Denning (14:13.613)
Which seems so interesting because there's a lot of value, like we found a lot of value from doing those things. Like we've thoroughly enjoyed our couples trips and we're gonna keep doing couples trips. We're not dropping those. We were only a couple days into this trip when Rachel came up to me and said, look, okay, we're certainly gonna do couples trips, but we're doing an alone trip. Yes. Like, this is awesome. We're gonna have to take two couples trips a year from now on. One with just the two of us and one with other couples.

we love both but there's there's a special element. Yeah and so there was something very special almost sacred about just having the two of us together.

Without any, I mean it was amazing to be able to have conversations without being interrupted by kids or to just be able to sit and talk. Not just here and there because you and I go on dates every week, we get away and we have those conversations, but this was an extended period of time. Right, an extended period of time. Without interruption. Yeah. That's one of the elements. So you have to...

Almost that you have to unpack, right? You have to get some recovery, some rest. Transitions don't happen.

really quickly sometimes. There needs to be some processing, some unpacking, some detoxing, so to speak. So especially if you live in a very busy, very stressed, very hectic life in a busy, busy world, you might even have a hard time. In fact, I'm going to guess, with all the people I've worked with and so many of you I've worked with, I'm going to guess that some of you may, maybe never.

Rachel Denning (15:58.253)
have gotten to a place where you fully, what, detox, if we could use that word? And just de -stress and just get fully kind of flushed out and emptied so that you can be filled. And you might be like, well, I did a spa day one time, it felt great. You're like, that's great. But that's microdosing, right? Where you...

For some of you, you need to have this experience where you really just can get down all the way down, just release everything and get all the way down to you. Yeah, it was so fascinating because I feel like after a few days in...

I just felt so peaceful, just so relaxed, so calm, so like quiet. It was almost like I was living in a meditation. Yeah. So, okay, go ahead. There's an element there. Yeah, there is, but I also want to add, you know, for just being open about this because...

part of that de -stressing stuff, especially for me, and processing, like there was a couple days early on in the trip that I cried a couple times and they were like, we're on vacation, why are you crying? But I was processing and a lot of it was related to feelings about all kinds of things, what's happening in the world and war and...

Concerti is about what's what could happen and then the idea of moving the fear of letting go of the known what we know here in this house and in this place and what we might face Moving to a new place even though we've gone through that process before it there's still always at least for me There's always uncertainty facing the unknown but once I was able to do that and you of course are Understanding enough to listen through that process Rachel is our chief logistic

Rachel Denning (17:59.663)
officer and she's on the logistics so you know we're over there like this would be amazing and she's like wait a minute I have to start packing all the boxes. Where am I going to buy butter and where am I going to do this and what about this and what about and all the all the details I'm starting to go through in my mind.

But after those first couple days when I was able to talk through that with you, shed a few tears, it was. It was like I went into this meditation, a living meditation, and I just felt so peaceful and calm. It was like I could feel more.

I was telling you this before, that a lot of time I live so much in my head planning all the logistics and the details of homeschooling and the business and everything else. It was like suddenly I had space to just live in my body and to feel. Oh, another huge element. So if you guys are taking notes here, just kind of, almost if we're creating this recipe, I know a lot of you can relate to that, where you get so much in your head or so either...

laser focus in on something or distracted and not focused on anything that you don't feel as much as you could. And I think that's a really powerful point there. And what's cool is it took some processing and letting some stuff come up and feeling it and expressing it and getting it out and letting it go to then free up that space to feel.

Interesting side note here, some of you may want to try something like a multi -day silent retreat. Something like that may be helpful for some of you. And again, I'm confident for some of you it'll be a first time. That you just haven't had experience and nobody told you and you didn't know and you've never gotten to this place where you just can be perfectly still.

Rachel Denning (20:00.301)
and down to the corner and kind of empty out what's there and just feel that. The people I've talked to have done these maybe 10 day silent retreats, they said it usually takes the first three days of just unending mental chatter and torment and then finally it quiets down. And so I think in some ways the trip was like this too, it has to be long enough. So when you do these experiences, it's gotta be long enough to really just let that stuff kind of settle out.

so that you can be whole.

so you can be settled. Yeah. Yeah. Cool.

I'm sitting here feeling it again. So as you're listening, I want you to just explore that idea. How you might do it on a micro level, on a daily level with maybe walks. Meditation. Meditation. Writing is another one. Writing. Figure out ways to kind of just settle and process.

but then put it on your calendar, schedule a way for you to have an extended period. I really am loving this word and this idea of detoxing. And even if your life is fantastic, you're detoxing from your life. And so it's a pattern interruption. That's another big thing. So you're doing something so different. It's a total pattern interruption from what you normally do. Right. Because it's not like the life we have is a bad life. We have a really, really bad life.

Rachel Denning (21:37.999)
really great life. It's an extraordinary life especially compared to the norm. We work from home, we homeschool, we have a great family, we have an amazing marriage. So it's not like we were trying to get away from our stressful, depressing life. We weren't trying to take a vacation from our life. No. Like our life is vacation -esque for the vast majority of people in the world. We love our life. So we weren't trying to escape it.

But we still, whatever we're doing, we need a pattern interrupt from your norm. Now, side note there, if your life is in a situation where you do want to escape from it and you need a vacation from it, man, change that. Well, take the vacation and then figure out how to make a life that's less... Yes. Suffering? Less miserable? Less frustrating? Like...

There's some serious lifestyle design that needs to be happening. If you're consistently you're feeling like you don't like your life, change it. Something's wrong. Yeah, something's off and you can change it. You have way more power than you think you do. It's not meant to be like that. And what's ironic is people will tell you that.

especially people who are also experiencing a difficult life, they'll tell you that's just the way life is. And that is the most common statement of people whose lives are pretty frustrating and miserable. They're just like, well, this is life is. And they get that confirmation because they look around them. And that's what they see. And that's what they see. And then they talk about it. And everyone's complaining about the same thing. And their assumption is and their conclusion is, well, this is the way it is. Buckle up, buttercup. Life's just miserable. Then you die.

But it's not because we live a life that's higher level than that. And yet even as amazing as that is, on this trip we experienced an even higher level. Which the same is true with our marriage as well. Which was surprising to both of us. We have an amazing, extraordinary marriage. Like we truly do.

Rachel Denning (23:51.117)
And we know that because we've traveled to roughly 50 countries extensively. I've only been to 39. Poor little thing. You can't possibly understand what I understand. Yes. But tell us, please. Let me enlighten you. Well, having traveled that much extensively over the last 15 years, 15, 16 years, having worked with thousands and thousands of good people.

across five continents, what we have in our marriage is rare and beautiful. Not many people have this. And we're not boasting. We went into it very intentional about creating this kind of marriage, but serendipity has also been in our favor. As we were seeking to create a great marriage, we've created an extraordinary one. And then even on this trip again,

It's a new level that like, oh, okay, we knew it was good and we knew it could be better, but wow. There's another level. We've been better. On the trip, we're like, this is better than our honeymoon. And that was good. In so many ways, in levels of connection and sex and intimacy. And what's interesting,

is for my whole married life, you hear people talk about, oh, you know, the sex is good, you know, your first year of marriage, and this is downhill after that, or, oh, it's good in your 20s or 30s, and then it goes down after that. I mean, you hear all these things, right, these conclusions that people come to, and I understand conceptually why they come to those conclusions. But the reality is that that doesn't have to be your reality.

and you can have the spark and the fire and the passion and the romance and the connection.

Rachel Denning (25:53.773)
Into your 80s, 90s. Yeah! Let's go! Right? And we're speaking from our mid -40s here. But we can tell you that, like, there are new levels, new heights, but it's almost like you have to follow this formula first. Or a combination. Maybe it's a combination lock. You click here, click here, and if you don't hit it all, it won't work.

And you'll be like, those dennings are full of crap. It didn't work. But there's a combination to it. You have to put all the pieces together. But what we're trying to say is put the pieces together. Get these elements, get the combination, the numbers in order, and it unlocks. Yeah. Something you didn't even expect or plan for. Another thing I was thinking of, because as our kids are getting older,

and you know moving out, starting to move out. Our oldest is 19, she's already moved out. Our second oldest is now 18, might be moving out sometime. And I always think about what I often hear from moms about how sad it is for their kids to grow up and how, how...

sad it is for them to move out and then you hear of other stories too of you know once the kids grow up and the kids move out husband and wife they don't know what to do with each other because for the past 20 years or more

They've been parents. They've been managing the house and all the to -dos and all the errands and everything that has to be done. Like that's been the main focus of their marriage. And we've always been intentional about it not being that way. That's why we do our dates and all the other things that we do. But one of the things I did think on this trip was like, I love our kids. I honestly do. And we have a great time, but I was like, you can't wait till they move out. We're going to have so much fun. Just the two of us. Like that was my thought.

Rachel Denning (27:56.207)
You know, I mean, honestly, I love my kids and we're gonna have a ton of fun with them while they're adults, but I thought you and I weren't.

just going to have the time of our lives. And there's nothing to be hesitant or trepidatious about. I wrote this on my notes a while back that one of the reasons some couples dread their children moving out is because their marriage sucks. And it's just been a kind of a byproduct of running the house, raising the kids. And then once the kids are up and gone, now what? They haven't been investing in it. They haven't been caring for it. And so now,

when it just gets back to just them. There's a significant of couples that either move into misery or divorce when the kids are gone because it was the kids that kept them together. Right, and they no longer know each other or care about each other. Right, or enjoy spending time together. And so that was, I mean I already figured that, but it was exciting to be like, man, we are gonna have fun.

another 20 years when I'm the youngest. But okay so there's another recipe there. Do you enjoy each other's company? And if you don't, do something about it. Everything we're gonna mention today is like none of it is permanent. None of it's like oh you guys are so lucky we don't have that. If you don't have it, make it, create it, fix it, change it.

Well, right, you're touching on something here that is key to this because even this trip that we had, I think was only as amazing as it was because we already did all those other things, the combination lock. We've already been having weekly dates. We've already been... Taking trips. Taking trips. We've already been investing every single day in our marriage because we're constantly...

Rachel Denning (29:58.093)
in communication. We're constantly touching. Every single day we're touching, we're telling each other we love each other, we're talking, we're having sex, like we're doing all of those things regularly.

So it's not like we go on this trip and you experience what many couples experience when the kids move out. Suddenly they're on a trip together and they don't know what to do with each other because I don't even know you or like you. Or we go on a trip and it's the first time I actually listen to Rachel. She's like, what? Now I'm going to get all this off my chest that I've been harboring for months or years because you don't listen. Right. Because you're so busy at work. And so then the trip is her vomiting all of her stuff on me. She feels better. I'm like, that was a sucky trip. Right.

Which could have been if we hadn't have laid that groundwork already that could have been the outcome because the first two days I'm feeling all these emotions. I'm crying and you're like great I brought her on this trip and she just cries like this is the worst vacation ever that could have been the outcome if we didn't have that foundation already exactly So it's having all of those pieces in place that start with the day -to -day things that

provided that space for this magic to happen. Yep. So it's worth emphasizing there. What you do day in and day out is laying the groundwork for these transformative experiences. Serendipitous experiences. Yep. It has to be a piece of it. Oh, that's good.

Another element, and it might seem unrelated, but it's this holistic approach. Another element is the novelty, excitement, and learning. The brain is hardwired, literally hardwired, to make you feel good and reward you for new things. It loves new things, and for learning things.

Rachel Denning (31:57.197)
and this whole trip was that. And so this, I think it's one of the recipes, right? The ingredients and the recipe for extraordinary experiences, you gotta be doing new things, trying new things. And we do that pretty regularly just in life, because I particularly live for that stuff. I mean, Rachel, not so much, but man, I'm like, I gotta have new stuff all the time. I live for novelty, I love change. But this whole experience, because we hadn't been there,

And we were going really to experience as much as we could in this window of time. To consider if we could live there. Which I think that approach opened us up like, let's just, what's here? Let's see it all, experience it all. Like, we've got to test it, right? And so there was tons of novelty and diversity. And so we're learning, having great discussions, intellectual discussions, big philosophical discussions, but also,

communicating with people from all over the globe, going out every day and hearing all kinds of languages, languages we didn't recognize, and then talking to people, seeing where they're from. And that's saying something. We don't recognize ourselves. Right, exactly. Because we recognize a lot. And I was like, I got nothing. And you talk to them, and you meet people from just teeny little unknown corners of the earth. We met a few people on this trip. I'm like, where? I don't even know where it is. What language do they speak there? And...

What was the one? Was it Tartar? Yeah. She's going, I'm like, that's amazing. I think it's the first time that someone speaks Tartar. Like, it's just so cool. And then it was food. We're trying all these restaurants and new foods. And then we went to these castles and palaces and fortresses and beaches and waterfalls and cliffs and oh man, all of it.

And so you're surrounded by beauty, I think is another ingredient. Really, really beautiful manmade and God made places. It's an ingredient there. Novelty, excitement, learning, discussing. So the mind is activated, the soul is activated, the body's activated. So you quite literally feel more alive. Yeah.

Rachel Denning (34:20.749)
And I think for people who have not personally experienced that, they can't really grasp what you're talking about right now. But for those who have traveled...

And we're not just talking about like going on a Disney cruise or something like that. We're talking about the type of travel where you interact with a culture or a place that's completely foreign or different from what you know or expect. And what happens in your brain, it almost is like a drug. Like it's this...

process that's going on that makes you feel high in a way. Like it's this just really intoxicating experience where you're just fully in the moment living.

then and there. You're present. You're fully present and just taking it all in. And it is in, well, I mean, you would of course would admit it's an addictive experience. You want to keep doing it once you've had that. And it is a key ingredient, I think, to feeling more alive. Like you were saying, you need to have more of those experiences. It's, it's as though you've activated all of your sensory circuits, maybe. Yeah.

Literally mind body spirit. It's all turned on activated on the way home. We sat near this older lady and we were just talking to her. She was very sweet and she got emotional and was tearing up and she just says travel makes you whole.

Rachel Denning (36:03.821)
And it struck me because I knew what she was talking about. Right. And we were feeling this from the trip. Yes, it does. Like, I feel so whole. I feel filled. Yeah. Complete. Turned on, activated. Like all the sensory circuits and systems are up and operating and I feel fully. Yeah.

I mean, how much are we missing out on?

You guys, day in and day out, week in and week out, how much are we missing out on because we're just not in a place to feel? Well, and one of the things I've said to you since we've been back, and it's only been a week, is that I already feel less.

And I think that's because I start to get in my head so much thinking, because that's what happens physiologically probably. We start living in our head which is actually living in the past or living in the future, right? Because we're predicting what we're going to do or thinking about what's happened as opposed to living in the moment. And when you start to do that, I think you shut down in a way your body and all these sensory, what was the word you used? Sensory.

Circuits. Circuits. You're kind of shutting those down because your brain's like, hey, I'm in charge here, I'm thinking, I'm planning, I'm doing the logistics. We have things to do. We have things to get done here. You can't be sitting around feeling. Exactly. And so I've already noticed that that's been happening and trying to counteract that. There's an interesting element here that's just worth philosophical discussion.

Rachel Denning (37:53.613)
At one point in our early journeys when we were traveling, we were kind of hippie -esque.

Yeah. Gipy. Gipy. It's a gypsy and hippie. It's a gyppy. And like the gypsy kind of lifestyle where you just, you get into minimalism or essentialism, you get down to bare bones because you realize all of the stuff and the things, like literal things or your to -do list, all of your obligations, all the things you have going on, they take up bandwidth.

in your life and literal space and then you have to take care of them and clean them and insure them and move them and move them again and pack them and watch over them and worry about them. There's something to that and on this trip we saw a bunch of surfers.

and wanderers, lots and lots of people living in their vans or RVs. Especially down at the far west end where the big surfing is, like yeah there was a lot of them. We talked about this again. It was literally at the very very farthest southwest point of the continent. Right. Right at the very end.

There's a whole bunch of people living in their vans and just surfing. And we talked about it down there because it's such a super simple way of life and having been talking to so many people. Having lived that life. Yeah, lived that way and talked to them for years. We have lived that life. For people that don't know our story, we lived in our truck with a homemade camper for what, two years? Yeah.

Rachel Denning (39:35.565)
driving through Mexico and Guatemala? Because we wanted to experience minimalism. We wanted to remove... With five children, not you and me. Okay, eight people. We had five kids when we did this. So it's not true minimalism because we had too many kids to be minimalist. Exactly. But the point is when you strip away so much of the stuff, well, a lot of things happen.

You realize you don't need all the stuff you think you need to be happy. True. But I think it does free you up to just be. Yeah, I certainly felt more of this type of...

feeling that we're describing when we live that lifestyle, although not completely, and we still had our worries and stresses and, you know, especially because you're living a minimalist lifestyle and you're not working. We stressed about money and things like that. So you're not stress free, but there certainly were more opportunities to just live in the moment. So maybe for those of you listening, maybe there's an experiment you want to try or a time period or.

Just something to try, just go through your life and see what excesses aren't worth the exchange rate, what they're costing you. And both of us came back saying, well, let's kind of thin things out. Yeah, I know. I came back saying, we do have too many excesses, even now. We've attempted to stay...

I don't want to say minimalist because existentialist, you know, we try to focus on having the things that bring true meaning to us, but even at that, we've got too much and we have too many expenses and just that could be trimmed to simplify our life. So there's another maybe ingredient in the recipe. Yeah. Go through your life and look for anything that isn't.

Rachel Denning (41:46.125)
Well, it's the Marie Kondo kind of principle of like, if it's not bringing you joy, like really bringing you joy, maybe cut it out. And that can be hard, that can be challenging, but go through and just kind of get rid of the excesses and see what you can get down to. I see this all the time in coaching. With working with people, I'm like, well, let's cut that out because our...

The current culture has become so unbelievably busy. Yeah. With good things. Most of them are good things. Not like this list of terrible things like, oh, well, that's easy to cut out. That's terrible. Stop that. Right. It's you're packed. You're so packed with good things that you're not living. And it's actually causing stress in your life because you're so busy doing all the good things. Right. And there's real value.

in slimming that back, not so you can sit around on the couch eating Cheetos and watching Netflix all the time. Not that exist. You're not like cutting it out so you can do nothing. You're cutting it out so you can be someone. And be with the people that matter to you. Right. Which begs the question, how often are we fully present? Yeah. And some of you.

It may have been a long, long time, years perhaps, since you've been fully present. Even if you, and this is the tricky part, you get thinking like, no, I was fully present, I'm all here, until you have an experience that is way beyond that and you look back and realize, okay, I wasn't. I thought I was, but I wasn't. I thought I was cognizant, I thought I was here, I thought I was feeling, but the reality is now I see that I wasn't. And when we clear out that space,

and live with that kind of intentionality and deliberateness, man, it's a beautiful thing. And I guess one of the things I want to share the most for those of you listening is just kind of throw out the idea of what's possible. What's possible for you? What's possible for your marriage? What's possible for your family? What's possible for your lifestyle? You get one shot at this.

Rachel Denning (44:09.933)
You get this one shot at Family Life. We were talking about this today. You get one shot at Family Life. And I told my kids today, we were just sitting around having lunch and laughing and playing. And I was just looking around at them like, man, I'm so grateful for all of you. Love you all so much. This is our shot at Family Life. And I love it. It's amazing. And we're doing it well. We're doing it right. And...

It's incredible. And so wherever you're at, like again, none of it's permanent and maybe there's been some mistakes and some things have been off, but the best time to change all that is right now. If you're listening to this and feeling this, do something about it. Take action. Plan a trip, get rid of some stuff, rearrange your life, alter your lifestyle.

Right, and sometimes we're afraid to do that because we don't know what the other side looks like and we're afraid of that. We're afraid that the other side of what we know is going to be worse than what we know. But very often it's actually a lot better.

but we have to be willing to take that leap of faith. It's kind of funny, but one of the things when we are thinking about this potential move, you know, one of the things I've been worried about is, but I have Amazon here and I have my Walmart grocery delivery. And as I thought about moving to Portugal where they, I mean, we've heard they have Amazon, but it's not like here and they don't have primed delivery. It's...

can be sent from Spain or the states for a cost, right? But as I was over there, I just realized, like, I think that's one of the problems. One of the things that's not simplifying our life is Amazon, because we can order anything we want, anytime we want. And we do. And we do.

Rachel Denning (46:11.885)
And we got our financial report recently. We spent a lot of money on Amazon. $13 ,000 last year on Amazon. OK, that's a little excessive, probably. Moving to Portugal will save us $13 ,000 in Amazon delivery, right? But it just simplifies things in a way that helps you become more, if nothing else,

I don't know, cognizant? Like it makes you think a lot more. Like if I really want this thing, I'm gonna have to go out and find it in a store like normal people do instead of just having it delivered to my house with same day delivery. So.

We're afraid of, and that's kind of a silly example, but we're afraid of those types of things that, oh gosh, if I give up this thing, this convenience, this ease, this comfort, this luxury, will it be that much better on the other side? And I think the truth is, yeah. Because you're gonna find something that you don't yet know exists. Because you can't see it. That is actually standing in your way.

from some sort of serendipity. Yes, and lifestyle and a new experience and a new you perhaps. Related to that principle is some of the most amazing experiences and opportunities we pass up because we want these simple conveniences. I've shared this one before, but just remember it's just so poignant to me. This family went out traveling and...

while they were literally circling the globe, this lady was just like, no, all I could think about was my washer and dryer rack home. I just couldn't wait to get back to my washer and dryer. And I just remembered that to me, that's just this metaphor in my mind of like, you're gonna trade all of these great experiences for that washer and dryer.

Rachel Denning (48:13.261)
Like man, and again, there's ways around that, whatever, there's details to that story, but that same thing, if you were like, you know what, it would be great to move to Portugal. We just can't because we have grocery deliveries here, we have Amazon, like, no, let's stay. And we see that so many times, people sacrifice the opportunity to live this extraordinary life for...

Conveniences. Comforts and comforts. And like I'm gonna be straight here. That was my way of thinking before this trip. I was seriously concerned about that. Can I give this up to go live there? Because despite the extensive travel experience we've had and living, you know, I've done, I've lived in our truck. I've lived simply.

And I was worried that now that I was used to these comforts and conveniences, if I could be able to give them up.

Let's not give the wrong impression here that we're going to go live poorly over there. We're looking at this epic beach house on the shore of the pool. Like our life will be so uncontrollable. That's not what I'm trying to say. I'm not trying to say we're going to be suffering in Portugal. We're not. We're not moving into a van. But it's different. It's different than living in...

the United States. But no one will feel sorry for us. No, they won't and I don't expect them to. But what I'm trying to do is speak to who I know, other women like me out there who are afraid to take these leaps because they don't know what it's going to be like on the other side. And I'm saying it's normal because I have the same fears and concerns.

Rachel Denning (49:59.085)
could I do this if I don't have my Amazon delivery or my grocery or whatever it is for you? Are some of the inconveniences that will come. Yeah, there will be. The other experience. Yes. Right. That's the point.

Yeah. And when we got there and we experienced it and saw it and felt it, I watched the transformation. Cause at first, when you're first there, you guys, she was walking through, she's like, I can't find the things I want in the store here. They don't have it. I can't find my Kerrygold butter. I can't find it. I'm like, babe, we can live without that to have this. And as you felt it, experienced it all, I watched that transformation. You're like, yeah, it's worth it. Okay. I may not be able to get that, but it's worth it.

to have this experience for a family. And I say that knowing full well, because I've lived it, that once we get there and move there, there will be those things that I'm like, oh, this is so annoying. Oh, that's like why I miss that. Those things happen still. It's not like because you move to a place like that, you live on a constant high.

you're taking the normal life you live and you're transporting it. And there will be more of those high experiences, but there still is the other side too. But we have to know full well that it's worth it. And one of the reasons why is because of the growth you go through,

to make that transformation, to make that change, to make the move. You go through a process that changes you and so even when you get to the other side, if there are annoyances, irritations, frustrations, okay, that's fine. They exist in your normal life no matter where you are. But when you go through the process of changing and pursuing and...

Rachel Denning (51:53.549)
I don't know, adapting, thriving, chasing dreams. That process transforms you. And so for nothing else, people should do that.

Right, just for the transformation it creates. Whether it's moving or traveling or starting a side business or starting a totally new career, going to work for a different company, whatever it is. If you're in a company that's gotten dull and just, okay, same old, same old, I'm not really thriving here, going to a new position, it forces you to grow because you have to learn how to operate in a new space. Yeah, exactly. That's exactly it.

You're doing something different and different is good because it causes you to grow. And it feels good. Right. That kind of growth. Even if it's challenging. Yeah. So this is our personal experience here we're sharing, but I hope it's allegorical for you that you can take these ideas, these principles, these... Pieces.

pieces or ingredients or whatever and say, okay, what can we do differently? What do we want to do differently? How do we want to be more alive? Oh, you guys, I forgot to announce. The Be The Man podcast is live. It's out. I started a podcast just for men called Be The Man podcast. What made me think of it is because I just did an episode yesterday about this very thing. Living while you're alive.

Like, not just, if you, just because you have a pulse and you're breathing and you're vertical, like, it doesn't mean you're living. And this is this point. Or that you feel alive even. Right. Cause you might be going along, you might be comatose, man. You might be, I remember I had this guy one time, he told me he felt like he'd been in a walking coma for the last 10 years of his life. And we don't want to be like that. And this is what we're talking about here. That there's so many new levels of height and wonder.

Rachel Denning (53:56.269)
excitement and vibrancy and vitality and love and romance and passion and spark and interest and engagement, we've got to pursue it.

Rachel Denning (54:13.837)
It almost, willing to pay the price though, because there's gonna be a price tag on it. So we pursue it in spite of the price. And there's ways to do it like you're not sacrificing the things that matter most to you, you're actually sacrificing for the things that matter most to you. Exactly. Oh, that's good.

Rachel Denning (54:41.165)
So it's possible, ladies and gentlemen, as good as your life is right now, your health or your marriage or your family or your work, there are new heights. And I hope you'll keep pursuing them. My plan is to pursue them until we die, to keep learning, to keep growing, to keep...

Because if we've gained all this ground, then it's that foundation we've been talking about. There's something possible now that wasn't possible before because we've built the groundwork, the framework. We can go higher because we've built this foundation. And so why wouldn't we? Why wouldn't we go into our 50s and 60s and 70s and 80s pursuing new heights?

because it's possible now because of who we've come. And so I guess to reiterate some of the things we've said, we have to work on it daily. Your daily habits matter so much. Your investments in yourself, I love this idea of working harder on yourself than you do on anything else. Just constantly be working on you on the daily and then the marriage and with each of your children.

and then living with serendipity.

creating the coolest experiences you can imagine. And for those of you who right now your head, this whole podcast has just been filled with excuses of why you can't do this or something like this, drop the excuses. Just ask yourself, how could you do this? How could you make it happen? How could you pull it off? And your own variety, like you don't have to do what we're doing. Pursue and chase your own dream, whatever that looks like. But don't just sit there and believe the excuses.

Rachel Denning (56:39.437)
and all the reasons why you can't do it. Just start thinking of all the reasons you must. Put it on the calendar, start working for it, start attracting it, start creating it, manifesting it, designing it, making it a reality. Because it's possible. And as cool as our life is already, we just experienced a new level. And so I hope that for you that's just...

more confirmation that what's available for you too.

Go chase it.

make it happen.

Rachel Denning (57:23.789)
Life is so good. Okay. That it? Anything else? Amen. Amen. Okay. Get out, live. Love you guys. Thanks. Thanks for listening. Be sure to subscribe if you haven't and share it. Share this podcast with people, friends, family, colleagues that need to hear it. You can go leave a rating up to five stars and just engage. And like always, you can shoot us questions, topics you want us to address.

Actually, I'd love to hear what your plans are. If you make some plans to go live bold, live dangerously, to go do awesome things. Serendipitously. Oh, that's the right word. To go live serendipitously, shoot us a message, sincerely. On social media or wherever, just reach out, share. This inspires me and it'll inspire others. But let's get out, let's all collectively live with more serendipity.

Bye guys, free trouble.

Rachel Denning (58:32.205)
you