#191 The Truth (& Myths) About Overcoming Anxiety & Depression

Rachel Denning (00:11.214)
Many, if not all of us, know of someone, or are someone, who's dealt with the devastating effects of anxiety and depression. Methods for dealing with these issues can be very charged.

It's a subject that's often difficult to discuss for a variety of reasons. Shame, guilt, anger, frustration, despair. But they are subjects that need to be addressed. Least of all because it's becoming a crisis for youth and adults today. And what those struggling need most are advice and strategies that actually work. And as you'll learn in this episode, more often than not, that does not include medication. The research is becoming very clear that most people on antidepressants are still depressed.

Medication is simply not the savior we hoped it would be. The truth is that the greatest limiting factor to overcoming anxiety and depression are your own limiting beliefs and the erroneous or outdated conclusions you have about this topic. What you don't know and what you think you know that's just not true are hurting you. After decades of research, studying, and multiple lifetimes of experience, including our work with thousands of youth and families across five continents,

We've come to some very solid conclusions about anxiety and depression, what causes it, how to prevent it, and how to overcome it for good. We guarantee that some of what we discuss in this episode will not be popular, but it is scientifically, biologically, and psychologically based, and it will work for the vast majority of people, 97 % or more. So it's worth considering. Listen to this episode now. This episode is sponsored by our extraordinary family life formula.

Discover simple tools for creating more order, peace, prosperity, and love in your mind, emotions, finances, and relationships. Plus gain the ability to persuade and influence your family with diplomacy. Click the link in the show notes to become a member of the formula today and meet live with Greg and me every month for workshops covering every area of family life.

Rachel Denning (02:24.974)
Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of the Extraordinary Family Life podcast. Glad to have you guys here. Thanks for being awesome humans. And I mean that. And you might be like, you don't even know me, man. But I'm sure you're awesome. Taking time to listen to a podcast, that's something. That's something. And you're listening to a podcast about having an extraordinary family. And I'm sure you're a great person. And even if you've made mistakes, which you have.

Because you're human, we all have. It's all right. It's all good. And you're good. I want to emphasize this. It's glorious to be a human being. There is a sacredness to just being alive. And there's something about it.

It's so special and so unique and so beautiful that every morning we can wake up and literally no matter what our circumstances or conditions are, we can wake up and just be thrilled in awe to be alive and to be a human with all that means in capacity and potential to think and speak and love and...

and live and have memories and cool experiences and influence each other and interact with each other and that we have the power in our lives to be a catalyst for change or at the best level for me at least is to become a great force for good in the world. I mean what other creatures on the earth can just exert energy and focus to massively transform their whole reality? It's just such a beautiful thing to be alive.

It's so awesome. And unfortunately though, I think a lot of people are discounting that nowadays. Too much. Too many people that view human beings as a cancer on the earth and we should save the planet and kill the humans. And sadly too many good people who discount themselves. I think by and large with all the people we've been able to work with, thousands of people across five continents, I have always seen that the greatest limiting factor in a person's life is their own limiting beliefs.

Rachel Denning (04:48.142)
about themselves. Which ties in perfectly with what we will be talking about today. Yes. So we have to preface today because it is a very charged subject. There's lots of charged subjects like money and politics and sex and religion. Like very, very charged. People get so caught up and so intense about these things where I think if we could step back.

chillax a little bit and contemplate things, discuss them, have people share their perspective and ideas. And even if we disagree or maybe we haven't thought about it like that before, just sit with it for a minute and say, I'm going to chew on that for a little bit. Instead of having these hard, rigid, you have to be right or you have to be wrong, or just all this stuff, just say, let's just sit with it. And so what we're going to talk about today is charged like that. And I guarantee you some of what we say will not be popular.

but there's something to it. And so our invitation is, again, this is shared with love. This is shared with the best intent. We're not trying to make anybody wrong, and we're not trying to throw anybody under the bus. We are just trying to offer decades of learning and research and experience in our own lives and raising seven children and working with thousands, literally thousands of youth and families.

across five continents and dozens of countries, we've had multiple lifetimes of experiences because of the way we do life. And we've learned a lot of amazing things. We've averaged a book a week for over two decades across multiple genres and across the whole spectrum of learning. And so we've come across a lot of stuff. So what we're sharing here isn't like we've been sitting in a closet thinking up ideas that are, I think this will work. It's like we've been out.

exploring and reading from the brightest and best minds across time and space and interacting with people from all walks of life. Like literally all walks of life. So if you're sitting here listening to this today and say, well, it doesn't apply to me. I'm the exception. No, no, no. We have been in the poorest shanty towns in Africa and little isolated colonies of the leprosy affected in India. And we've been in some of the biggest mansions and the most

Rachel Denning (07:13.038)
the wealthiest places on the globe. From Central America to Europe to the US. Yeah, across the globe. So this stuff is awesome. And I think I want to add this part because I feel it adds a lot of validity and explains why we have so much confidence in the opinions we're going to share today because a lot of the things we're going to talk about today are things you've been talking about and believed.

firmly even as long as 15 years ago or more. More. Some of the stuff I'm going to share today, I started thinking about when I was a homeless teenager, right? Dealing with some of the things we're going to talk about. Exactly. And the point being that back then these viewpoints you had were definitely unpopular. Like the prevailing thoughts or wisdom of the time were

absolutely contradictory to what we're going to talk about. But now... And some of that has stuck around, so there's still plenty of that today. Oh, absolutely. It has. But I would say more and more, especially the scientific research that's coming out, is absolutely supporting and correlating what you have believed all this time. And it was things I learned from my own experience and then working with others like, hey, wait a minute, let's figure out what actually works here.

And what's interesting, and I have to point this out and really, really emphasize this, this will work for the vast majority of people. Like vast majority as in like 97, 98, 99%. There's this tiny percentage of people that won't work for, and don't be quick to throw yourself into that tiny percentage. Some of you will be like, well, that must be me. I'm the exception. And I think, and this is where it starts to get unpopular, but it's so important. It's so easy to play the victim.

Now, there is a big difference between being an actual victim, and that does happen. There are predators and perpetrators and people who get victimized. There are victims. And then there's people who slip into victimhood, or what we like to refer to as victim -ville. Like, they take up residency in victim -ville. And trust me, I was the mayor. I was in victim -ville, man. I wanted to be there. I wanted to blame everything else and everyone. And it was always circumstances and situations and other people.

Rachel Denning (09:35.758)
couldn't possibly have been me because I'm a good person, at least trying to be a good person. And when things didn't work out, I just didn't understand taking full ownership. And ownership can be painful. It is painful. Because you're like, ugh. You mean you're telling me like it's my fault? It's my fault. And yes, we are. So that's actually good news. It hurts, but it's good news because if you have any.

to play in this. If you have any fault, that's excellent news. Right. Because you can change it. Like, what it's telling you is like, you have the power. The power is back in your hands. It is not outside some outside force that's controlling you. Right. That you are literally a victim too. So you're right. It is, it's painful. Ownership is painful, but it's also liberating because it means you actually have the power to do something about it and to make a change. So that's exciting. That's very exciting, actually.

Okay, so we have to have a disclaimer here that neither Rachel nor I are psychiatrists or psychologists or... Philosophers. We are wannabe philosophers. We are wannabe psychologists. We are not doctors. We are not... Dentists. Lawyers, dentists, anything else. The only thing that ends with ist that we are is maybe enthusiasts. We love to learn and share what we're learning. So...

It's almost like you have to do a legal disclaimer here. Please seek medical advice. Although we would say, please don't. But please don't. That's where we stand. We're like, no, because, ah, and we're going to get into this. But here's one classic example. And we just read this from The Collapse of Parenting. Excellent book. Highly recommend it. By a man who is an actual psychologist. And he's going around the world.

teaching and speaking and one of the things he pointed out was how for some crazy reason and we know it's fed by pharmaceutical funding in this country they hand out drugs like nobody's business and they being the doctors. Doctors are prescribing I don't remember the numbers it was absurd. Like compared to Europe or Australia or New Zealand.

Rachel Denning (11:54.797)
It was insane. Somebody walks in and is like, hey, I'm feeling a little anxious. Oh, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs. We're there. They're like, oh, well, OK, that's normal. It's normal to feel anxious thoughts and to feel a little depressed and discouraged. That's called life. And here are some things you can do to manage that. We're here in the States. It's like, oh, I guess you need drugs, more drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs. We're pushing drugs. And it's just a money drill. And we're going to dive deeper into that. But that's a big problem. I do remember. I think he said almost like it's.

prescribed 80 % more here in the US than in any other country, especially Europe, definitely New Zealand and places like that. And we might think, well, our lives must be harder. Or maybe it's worse over here. And it's like, that's what I'm telling you. Don't think yourself to be the exception. That's one thing I got in trouble with early on, which is hilarious now, looking back.

It's a little bit ridiculous and I think it's a phase that maybe all teenagers go through as you're learning and understanding You think you're the only one and no one else nobody else understands I remember thinking that literally like nobody else knows what I'm going through suckers and Then and I was so angry and so like they don't get it. They don't know what's like me my life's hard They don't understand what I'm going through and then luckily within within a short time. I was in Peru in just living in villages and neighborhoods, it's just

poverty and suffering and I remember just like this mental slap in the face of like how dare I ever have thought that my life was so hard and nobody understood what I was going through. Like my life was a walk in the park. Being homeless in the US was way better than what I've seen in the years since then. Far far better and I literally remember getting down and thinking geez my life was actually easy and cushy. These people who are really suffering down here they would have

thought my life was like. They'd died and gone to heaven. Can we trade places, please? My poor, nobody gets me. And so the first thing I want to say out the gates here is start noticing, being aware of your thoughts and catch yourself when you start believing you're the exception. That nobody else knows how hard it is, how bad you have it. Nobody else gets you. There are 8 billion people on this planet and an estimated 100 billion that have lived on the planet.

Rachel Denning (14:20.205)
I promise people get what you're going through and have gone through worse. Right. You're not the only one. You are not the only one. And let that be a comforting thought. Not like, oh great, everybody's... Don't let your thoughts go negative. Be like, okay, wait, other people have been through this and they've come out of it. And they have wisdom to share about it. And again, we want to play the exception of like, well, they just got lucky.

Well, they were able to get out of it because of XYZ. And see, there we go again, victimizing ourselves with our thoughts. And so that's going to be the first place you've got to stop playing the victim. Stop making excuses. Stop blaming it away. And just take full ownership of it. And take back your power of like, hey, there are lots of things I can do to improve my circumstances. But again, it's almost like I can hear you speaking back to us like, oh, no, I can't.

It's just like, there's things in my body, or it's my family, or this is my past. Well, this happened to me. And I've been told this to my face, that I'm insensitive and thoughtless, and it's because I don't care. I don't get it. I don't understand. And what it is, it's like they just want to hold on to that victimhood. They want to stay in victim -ville. They just want to dig in their.

closet and stay like you can't drag me out of victimville I'm staying because I'm a victim and I'm saying like no you're giving away your power let go of any and all victimism and that will be the first major step to really transform your life and transcending your problems. So that's a massive introduction to talking about overcoming or transcending or outgrowing anxiety and depression and other other mental illnesses.

So I think it starts with saying some of the research that we've read and it shows that the vast majority of cases of anxiety and depression are not... Chemical imbalances. They're not, well, not that we're going to get to that, but it's not like some kind of physiological dysfunction. They're finding the vast majority are coming from habits, patterns, lifestyle.

Rachel Denning (16:44.589)
Right? So this is huge majority. To be specific, again, this is something you've believed for a long time, but this was just recent research that came out saying, aha, it's not really some sort of physiological issue. It's related to your behaviors, your thought patterns, your habits, your actions. Wow. Shocking. And this is recent research coming out of Europe.

and it's validated solid stuff, peer -reviewed awesome stuff, just saying, hey, we've been telling ourselves and telling others and sharing this all around that it's a chemical imbalance that's causing it. And they're saying, actually, yeah. That needs to be medicated or refixed. And they're saying, whoop, that's not accurate. Now, obviously, we alter our biochemistry every day. Yes. Through our habits, our actions of food. So chemistry is involved. There is chemistry involved. And you and I, every single one of us,

can do things right now immediately. If we were together in person, I could do things with you right now. We could go through exercises that would release cortisol and make us scared and afraid. We could do things with our bodies and our minds to immediately induce fear and discouragement and depression. And again, our thoughts have energy. Our words have energy. I could start telling you stories and do things. Within five minutes, all of us would be crying and depressed and think there's no hope in the world. I could do that. But guess what? In the next five minutes, I could turn everything around and think, jeez, this is...

This is the most glorious place on heaven and earth. And everything's great, and everything is awesome. And we'll sing songs, and it'll all be rainbows and unicorns. And we can shift our biochemistry, and you could just be filled, absolutely flooded with dopamine and endorphins and serotonin, and just feel amazing, so alive. And you can switch that in a few minutes to alter your biochemistry. So yes, there's biochemistry involved. But what we're saying emphatically is it's not.

some stuck, fixed, broken chemical problem inside of you that you've been told. And believing that, playing the victim to that is doing far more damage than the actual thing that could ever possibly be. Right, besides the fact that the process you just described there of changing the biochemistry in your body by acting certain ways or thinking certain thoughts, that when you do that,

Rachel Denning (19:12.973)
on a regular basis, you actually program your body on a cellular level to expect more of certain types of chemicals than others. So if you look at the protein receptors of cells, they have these receptors to receive certain chemicals from the body. And depending on the chemicals your brain produces, through habit, through thinking,

that determines the type of receptors they create. So if you create a lot of cortisol, your body then becomes wired literally to expect and anticipate and addicted. I want to emphasize that. Not only to expect it, at a cellular level, you become addicted to that chemical. Which then produces depression. Now you can do the opposite. You could...

And you can change this so that you program your body on a cellular level to expect and to become addicted to dopamine. That's where I live. I'm a total addict. I'm addicted. And this is important to point out. Like I literally am addicted to dopamine and serotonin and naturally produced. Just to be clear. I'm not taking any injections, but man, I'm taking hits from my brain all day, every day. And I love it. And

and I want to emphasize this so much, I was not born that way. My life did not come about on a little platter. And I wasn't taught how to do this. In fact, it was the opposite. I was in a very unhealthy body, in a very broken family, and then out on my own at 16 in bad neighborhoods and rough things going on. And those were dark, lonely, desperate, discouraged, depressed, fearful, anxious times.

And I was in a dark hole and just drudging through life, sometimes questioning if it was worth living. And when I realized, like, no, I get to choose here. This is a choice, and I don't want to live like that anymore. So then I started to climb out of it. And I reshaped everything. And you guys, I'm nobody special. If I can do it, anyone can do it. You can do it. And you're not the only one that's done that. Yeah. It happens all the time. And those of you who don't know, this is what Rachael and I do every day. We get to coach individuals, families, couples.

Rachel Denning (21:35.853)
to do these kind of things, to change habits and patterns that just totally transform their lives. And we're not the only ones that do this. Right. It's massive. So there are lots and lots of people doing this. It's not rare. But sadly, especially in the United States right now, the numbers of people who are taking on the identity of being depressed or having anxiety is off the charts. Well, and to be fair, it's not totally their...

fault because the entire system is in a way broken that if you feel these feelings of depression or anxiety and you go to get help, generally what they do is they try to medicate you. They believe that that's the answer. And that's only because for whatever reason, which we aren't going to go into the U S has, is operating that way. Where like in, like we're talking about in Europe, they'll say, Oh, well tell me about your.

What time do you get up? What time do you go to bed? Do you have a job? Do you like work? But here, here they're perpetuating, I like to say it like this, they are perpetuating the victimhood narrative. Yes. That's exactly what's going on. You go and if you talk to your friends and family, jump on social media and like, oh, you poor thing, it's not your fault. Take some medication. Instead of whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Let's dive into your life and your lifestyle and your habits and your patterns and let's get into that and give you some tools. So is this stuff curable? Honestly, and this is bold, but honestly for 98 % of people, absolutely. Yep. You could totally transform this and have it just be gone. And maybe for you, that's just too much. Like, well, that's just way too far. And so then I would say, well, with...

a doubt in my mind the things we're gonna share today will at least make your life significantly better. If you do these things and you do them well you can feel better, happier, healthier. If nothing else you just make vast improvements. You progress massively in life if you're doing these things. And again this isn't just our opinion, this is this is solid stuff.

Rachel Denning (23:54.413)
Psychologic clinical psychology proves this. Physiology. Physiology. It's all there. This is backed up. Yeah. Okay. So let's let's dive in. I want to start with a thought from Corey Tenbaum. She said, worry doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrows. It empties today of its strength.

Ooh, that's good. That's good. And so actually I shouldn't have started there, because I didn't want to start with the body first, but that's a tie in there. I want to share that. That ties into our thinking and what we're thinking. Let's just go with it. Let's just go thinking and what you're thinking and you're thinking what I call, this is what I call mental management. So I refer to as mental management and just clumps in everything. You're thinking patterns, you're thinking habits.

your mindsets. Sorry, it's also called endophagia. Your self -talk. Which is self -talk, yep. It's how you talk to yourself. How you talk to yourself, the stories you tell yourself, the words you use, the way you identify yourself, your I am statements. Yep. I am starting with something as simple as I am depressed. That's an I am statement that becomes an identity piece instead of I'm trying to word it now in a better way. Like I'm

Feeling depressed is even a little bit better, but like I'm having feelings of depression, that's temporary. When you say it that way, that's a temporary condition. Like something happened and I feel depressed about that. That's temporary. But when you say, I am depressed, you've now taken on that identity of being a person who is depressed. Now we might think that that's not a big deal or it's just some antics there, but the reality and the science shows that's a huge deal. It makes a huge difference.

And so then what's interesting about the subconscious is so the conscious mind dictates to the subconscious mind what it happens, right? So literally your thoughts, you think into reality, what's going to happen in the subconscious mind just goes to work for you. That's how the subconscious works. Whatever thought you get with a lot of energy or emotion, and it could be positive or negative, goes in there and it starts to work for you.

Rachel Denning (26:17.549)
So if you say, I am depressed, and you take on that identity, then your subconscious mind's like, okay, well, let's work on that. Yeah, let's be the best depressed we can be. Yep, this is important to you, because I'm feeling it. Wow, all this chemical, all this emotion, like, we're going to make sure this is a reality for you. And then, if nothing else, what it does, it starts to pay attention to the things that make you more depressed. Because the way you think about it and feel about it, identify or...

notify the subconscious of what it's supposed to focus on, what it's supposed to look for. And that's exactly what starts happening. So now you start looking around and what do you see? Depression. Nothing but depressing things. Nothing but fearful, scary things to feed the anxiety and to say, I have anxiety versus, oh, I'm feeling anxious or I'm having some anxious thoughts. But again, taking on that identity piece. And so we don't have the time in this particular episode to dive.

deep into those thinking patterns. We actually have courses on this, included in our courses, and there's tons of wonderful books. I'd read Mindset by Carol Dweck. I'd read As a Man Thinketh by James Allen. And there's so many more, just excellent books about psychology. But you've got to get your thinking patterns and habits, the meaning that you give things. So nothing in this life has meaning except the meaning that you give it.

And again, back to this victimhood thing, if somebody walks up to me and slaps me in the face, most of us think, well, there's only one thing you can think about that. There's only one way you can feel. And that's just not true. And if you take even 100 people, even 20 people, it's a small number, and they all have the same experience, they can all give it different meaning. And the meaning they give it determines what it means to them in their life and what effect it has on their life.

And it's also, sorry, also is determined by their past thinking habits and behaviors and experiences. So it determines their future, but it's also determined by their past. Or can be. But at any moment we can draw the line and stop that. And so the main thing I want to emphasize, we want to emphasize today to you, wherever you are in your journey, you have total power.

Rachel Denning (28:42.285)
to transform your life from the inside out. You are in control of your thinking. Now you might not feel like you're in control because maybe you haven't practiced being in control. Maybe you've played a victim to your thoughts and you just think, I didn't think that, it just showed up. And maybe it does. Maybe sometimes that you have a crazy, oh, it's the untethered soul. He talks about the crazy roommate. It just is going off in your head all the time saying the stupidest things. And we want to...

really emphasize this today. Please do not believe everything you think. Do not give credence to everything your little crazy roommate up in your head says. He or she will say these stupidest things all the time. What's interesting is you ask an audience, like, who's the voice in your head? And it'll be like, oh, it's my grandma, it's my mom, it's my dad, oh, it's this ex -boyfriend that was so critical of me.

Like what's the negative voice in there? Who's in there? And it's these representations, these meanings from our past. But I have to emphasize this again and again and keep repeating it. You have total control, absolute total control. And when you change your thinking, you will quite literally change your life. In fact, there's books by that title. One by Wayne Dyer and one by Brian Tracy. And I would highly recommend both of them. Change your thinking, change your life. Change your thoughts, change your life. Those are great books teaching this very principle.

Another one that we love is called breaking the habit of being yourself. And so you guys, we just have to emphasize this. Like you can alter your entire existence, the quality of your life and everything you're experiencing if you will begin to manage your thinking and control and direct your thoughts. Don't let them run wild. Don't let them go crazy. Don't feed and nourish the fear or the discouraging or depressive thoughts or let your mind, it's amazing.

You could be so creative, but you're letting your creativity run towards worst case scenarios. Distraction. Instead of, and your problems, instead of letting your creativity run towards solutions and wonderful things. Well, I remember Wayne Dyer saying that one time. He's like, we often picture these worst case scenarios. He's like, you have the power. You have an imagination. Use it. Why don't we picture best case scenario?

Rachel Denning (31:01.165)
And I think sometimes we're afraid to do that because we don't want to be disappointed. But if you're going to imagine something, why not imagine that instead of the worst case? Isn't that funny? It is. And interesting. We're more likely to begin imagining worst case than best case. Exactly. Because you might think, well, the best case, that's never going to happen. But then why do we think the worst case is going to happen? But we're more likely to believe that. Exactly. Like, oh, no. It's far more likely for things to be bad than to be good. That's a sad reality. And I know that in some ways, that's simply a bad thing.

product of our evolution and our biology that helps keep us alive when we think that could kill us. I'm not gonna do that. It keeps us alive, but we have to train our brains to focus on the good so that we don't end up depressed all the time. I just wanted to share really quick. Last night I was up late, I was packing to prepare to move to Portugal and our eight year old came out. She'd already gone to bed, but she came out and she was like.

I was having some scary thoughts, Mom. I was thinking of scary things. And I said, okay. And I gave her a hug. And I said, well, you're in charge of your brain. You get to decide what you want to think. And she said, how do I do that? And I said, well, you just have to think about something else. You can think about something you like. You can sing a song. You can say a prayer. You can listen to music. And she, it was like right away, she was like, oh, okay. And she just went back to her room.

And a few minutes later she did come back and she said I would like to listen to some music again. So I did the password on her iPad so she could listen to music while she went to bed. But like that's, it's so simple that a child can understand it and we sometimes want to complicate it. We want to make it harder than it is. But really it is that simple. We don't have to think the things that make us depressed. Yep, it's thought replacement. So when the thought arises we replace it. When it rises again we replace it.

And we keep, we build this new habit, this new pattern, this new strength of being in charge of what's on the stage of your mind. Exactly. Whatever's popping on the stage, some random things will pop up, whatever pops up, don't let it stay. Don't let it like build a house and like move in. Like you're, you're letting, you know, you're letting these crazy things take up precious mental real estate and you're not even charging rent, man. Like they're charging you rent and they're in there wreaking havoc.

Rachel Denning (33:21.837)
Kick those suckers out, give them eviction notice, move them out and build a palace of goodness in there and you can do it with great input, with great books and great podcasts and great videos. I mean, listening to this, you guys, good job. And do it again, memorizing things, songs. And again, be very, very careful about your input. Because if you're consuming the news all the time, the news is just negative. And we're not faulting anyone, but negative news sells. Positive news just doesn't. So they're trying to have shock factor.

That's what sells. So if you're watching news, prepare to be negative and shocked all the time. Well, guess what that does to your brain. Cortisol, fear, depression is terrible. So our invitation is cut off the news completely. Done. Just cut out of your life. You're like, but I have to stay informed. Trust me. If anything significant happens, everyone will tell you about it. There's no way you can't not know. So cut out the news for your life. Cut out any dark discouraging, oppressing, negative.

movies or music. There's so much dark music, so many messages. They're just so pathetic. Cut that crap out of your life so that you have a steady flow of good positive things. So I mean, there's more to this. I would say specifically, especially if you're struggling with depression, anxiety, and you're trying to make a change. Yes, definitely do that. Definitely do those things. Cut it all out. Cut it all out. Because it's worth it. Doing that is worth it.

Not getting on medication, not being depressed all the time. Yeah, you know what, you're right. I forgot to hit something that's critically important here. This is indispensable. If any of this stuff is going to work for you, you have to sincerely, with real hunger, you have to want to overcome it. You have to want to transcend. You have to want to be in charge of your thinking and your feeling. You have to want...

to be happy and jovial because it's gonna take effort and discipline. Maybe jovial is a little much. Okay, you know, you have to be jovial then if you don't wanna be, I wanna be jovial. I think it's a great way to do life. But just, maybe you're not even like, I don't wanna be bouncing off the walls happy either, that's annoying. Okay, whatever. Like if you just wanna be pleasant, you wanna have joy, you wanna just have peace, you have to want it. And I mean really want it, not like, oh, that would be nice. No, like I'm willing to do whatever it takes. And I'm listening today.

Rachel Denning (35:44.365)
And whatever these guys say, I'm going to at least try it. I'm going to try it for 30 days or 60 days or 90 days. Try it for 60 days. Here's our test. Do this stuff we're recommending. Just try it. And if you're like, it won't work. Oh, yeah? Prove me wrong. Like, seriously, prove me wrong. Do this wholeheartedly with everything you got, consistency, 60 days, and watch how it just transforms your life. And I think part of the problem that people don't do this is that they're

directly into the culture we have here in the United States specifically with we want the easy solutions. We literally do. We want the pill. We don't want to have to give up the food that we enjoy that's not good for us or the habits we have that aren't good for us. There are many people and we personally know people that are like, no, it's not worth it. I'd rather just be happy.

I know that because it doesn't work. And sick and miserable. Yep. Then give up and do the hard work required in order to be truly happy. Yeah. And truly fulfilled. We fear that change is too much work. It seems so painful to change and it's just again that's just our that's the survival brain talking telling us that oh it's gonna be so hard and it's not it really isn't and once you get into the first couple days might be feel different because you're trying to make changes and your body's like oh this is change this is new new scary it is terrible let's go back to what...

we're familiar with and like, no, stop doing that. But if you want it and you get into it, it'll change you. And I think it's important right here to point out like the research is also showing that the medication actually doesn't work. It would be one thing if antidepressants actually made people not depressed, but how many of you know someone or you yourself have been on antidepressants and guess what? Still depressed. Interesting? And that's what the science is showing. Yeah.

They're just not working. And I think you're going to talk about the study they did that shows what does work instead. Yeah. So well, and it's, I guess I want to emphasize this and reemphasize this. It's not working. Like the medications aren't working. They're just altering your brain chemistry. And Dr. Daniel Amon goes into this a lot. You can look at, he's got videos on YouTube. He has excellent books. Again, here it is. If you're serious about this, read all of Dr. Amon's books. He gives you all the research in there and backs up all this stuff.

Rachel Denning (38:07.917)
Read his stuff, read everybody else, just devour it all and get in there. And so you know what you're talking about. But it's like, he's like, all that medication is just literally, it's altering your brain chemistry and your brain makeup. So it makes you more addicted to those drugs. They're designed so you have to keep taking them and they're not even helping you get the things you want. Right. So it would be one thing if we were like, don't take the pills. You need to do this instead. But the pills worked. You know, we don't have an argument there.

But the pills don't work. They're not working. They're not stopping people from being depressed. In most cases, they're just numbing them. Yeah, numbing. But then here is the scientific evidence of what actually works. But you have to want it, and you have to do it. So one example. It all comes down to you. Exactly. This ownership. Which is awesome. It all comes back to ownership. You are in total power. You can alter your life if you want. You can overcome any of this stuff if you want to. And you do this thing. So.

One of the things they found is they wanted to measure medication versus exercise. And so they took these two groups. For specifically people that were depressed. Yep. For people who were, and I think, clinically depressed, right? So they're rolling along there. They put some on medication, they put some on an exercise routine, and it's vigorous exercise. So it's like HIIT trainings, right? High Intensity Interval Trainings. Just vigorous exercise. Just moving your body. Which, we don't have time to get into all the chemistry and biology of that, but just exercising, move your body. Your body's like a dynamo.

And so you move it, boom, it produces all this energy. It gets the blood flowing and your body operates on blood. And so you have good oxygenated blood flowing through and it goes to your brain and it lights up your brain. Your brain lights up like a Christmas tree with all this oxygenated blood. And it's like, whoa, this is great. Right? But you have to move your body enough to get that result. So you wanted to measure it. And they found that exercise performed slightly better than medication up to a certain.

point, like for several weeks. And so then you're like, oh, okay, so, you know, it's about the same. But it has its limitations. But you have to actually, you know, move your body and exercise. So that's a downside. Yeah, it's the exchange rate. Yeah, take a pill, right? But it actually performed better. In a short term, it performed better. So you're like, okay, I don't have to take medication. I take exercise. It's slightly better. But then they found in the long term, exercise performed way better. The results.

Rachel Denning (40:37.037)
Yeah, better results are overcoming depression, right? And mitigating depression. So a long -term habit of exercise, it works. It just makes you feel better. Like significant. Yeah. And your body and your brain start working how they should be. And you get your body in a condition, your brain in condition it should be. It's just amazing. So exercise matters. And I would say, I would vigorous exercise five times a week. Do something you love to do. If it's just a grind, if you wake up and like...

I have to do burpees every morning at 5 AM. That sucks. That makes me depressed. That's not going to help with your depression. That's not going to help. But find something you love to do and do it. And again, if you don't think, if you're sitting here, I know some of you are skeptical and cynical, and you're sitting here like, you Denning idiots. You're so ignorant. You just think exercise will take care of my problem. And we're sitting here saying, yep. Prove me wrong. That's not our opinion.

But if you don't believe the science and the research and all this stuff, put me wrong. Go ahead and do it. Exercise vigorously for 60 days. And for you skeptic, do it every single day. And I have actually a challenge for you for being so skeptical. Do it with a smile. Listen to positive, uplifting music or books and smile. In fact, listen to all of it. Started at the very beginning of this podcast, episode one and listen to the whole podcast.

and listen to the whole series and listen to the Be The Man podcast too. All of them and all the guys I have on there and all these amazing interviews I'm doing. Just listen to all that. That is good. I know it's all good positive content and you listen to that stuff and listen to good music and you work out and you force yourself to smile and you'll feel goofy and silly and guess what? That actually makes you feel good and happy and do this. Test it. Prove me wrong, man. Prove me wrong. Well, just to...

emphasize this a little bit because you're talking about the smiling because that was another scientific study done. This one was done a long time ago of people who were clinically depressed. And again, they took two groups. One was just taking the medication and the other was supposed to smile in the mirror for 20 minutes every day with a big cheesy grin. And that significantly improved levels of depression. They all came off medication.

Rachel Denning (42:56.685)
Yeah, they all came off medication just by smiling in the mirror 20 minutes a day. And you start laughing and you feel ridiculous. I'm laughing now. I know, me too. And it starts releasing serotonin. And even if you're a picture this right now and you're smiling this big cheesy smiley grin, can you feel? Like most of us aren't aware enough of our biochemistry. Like if you were to swing your arms, do some jumping jacks, jump around, put on a song and just smile big cheesy, like I can feel my biochemistry altering right now.

I can feel my brain releasing serotonin by having a big cheesy smile. It's amazing. And you can do that in a moment. You can choose when you're starting to go down like, no, no, no, no. I'm going to put on my favorite song. I'm going to tell some jokes. I'm going to laugh at some stuff. I'm altering my state. And maybe you have a favorite comedian or funny videos. And when you're starting to, you feel yourself mentally starting to slip.

Just turn it into laughter and hugging, like touch, like hugging and dancing and jumping around and smiling, big cheesy grins. And you're like, this is dumb. It's so silly. You guys are like elementary kids. And for, yeah, you're right. You're sitting there slunched over, small breast, head down. And you're like, this is so dumb. You guys don't know what you're talking about. And you feel it. You feel the drain out of you. And you feel the cortisol in the darkness. Where you're like, OK, try it. Put me wrong. Smile.

And again, just circling back. Do you really want this? Do you really want to change? Then every day when you wake up, go smile a cheesy grin in the mirror for 20 minutes. Do it. Prove it wrong. Well, and I know part of the resistance to doing this for some people, because I know I felt the resistance for too, is it becomes out of character. You don't want to do it because you know people are going to notice and they're going to say something. And you don't want them to say something like, oh, why are you so happy? Why are you smiling?

We're afraid of that. We're afraid of breaking character, which comes back to this identity piece. Like we now identify ourselves as a depressed person. It becomes who we are. And if we change that. And you're connecting with other depressed people and other anxious people. Exactly. And now it's your identity. Right. And if you change that and start acting and behaving differently, people start looking at you differently. And even mocking you. And your depressed friends are going to be like, oh, why are you so happy? You think you're better than us? What's your problem?

Rachel Denning (45:19.405)
You're so weird. Yeah, so it becomes almost this self -sabotage. It is a self -sabotage where like I don't want to break character here because people are going to notice. And to that I say, man, break character. Destroy it. It comes back to you have to decide what you actually really want. Create a totally new identity and a new reputation. I had to do this. You guys, I'm telling you, all this stuff I went through, I did it all myself in these experiments. And I was like, you know what? I have to become a new person.

I literally have to become a new person. All the people that knew me before, I'm going to be different to them. And they're going to still expect me to be the old way and behave the old ways, do the old things. I'm like, no. I'm a smiley, jovial, happy, energized person. I make the Energizer Bunny look like a sloth. Like, I'm going after it. Because that's the kind of life I want to live. And I'm not saying you need to be like me. But what I am saying is get to a place where you want to be, where you just actually feel banned.

Fantastic about yourself in your life. Yeah, so that you're the person you want to be whatever version of happy That whatever that version of happy looks like exactly. That's the point. Yep. Beautiful. Okay, let's shift gears here food is the other thing so any any Good psychologist or psychiatrist in in the world who's worth anything and I'm I'm pretty What's the word cynical? I'm

quite so against that industry. And I know this is going to sound unpopular. And maybe I'm rude. I'm not trying to be rude here. I am genuinely not trying to be rude. The bulk of psychologists and psychiatrists need therapy. And I don't want to sound like that's a bad thing, right? Because going to counseling therapy is excellent, right? It's really good.

But it's like they don't have their stuff put together. They don't have their lives figured out. Most of them are not in a good, happy, healthy, solid place. And I heard of a professor. He was teaching future. These people were in the school to get their psychiatry license. And he was like, look, 98 % of you are in trouble. You all need therapy. Like, this is not. Like, you're in trouble here. And they're just doing it as a profession, and they're not in a spot. So.

Rachel Denning (47:43.373)
And I say that, it's with love and kindness, but with a little bit of constructive criticism, like they're not in a good spot to be doing this. But the ones who are, one of the first things they'll ask you when you walk through the door is, what are you eating? Tell me about your diet. Because they have found again and again and again, the ones who are aware of it, that food is affecting our brains. And duh, duh, right? You're like, well, of course it is. But if we don't understand biology, if we don't understand physiology,

We're thinking, oh, we have, okay, it affects your brain, it affects your body, but how much? And what they're finding is like, if you have refined sugar coming in, oils, like cooking oils, vegetable oils, seed oils coming in, fast foods, processed foods, chemicals, food coloring, all these different preservatives and chemicals that are going in our foods, they are just wrecking.

our bodies and our brains specifically. Which fills pretty much everything we eat nowadays. Like there's hardly anything you can buy at the store that's not filled with this, these toxins. So based on previous research, I feel extremely confident that some of you who are struggling with depression, anxiety, or other mental, emotional issues, just by changing your diet and really improving your diet, some of you will experience a,

total change just by diet. And of course the exercise and all the other good stuff and thinking patterns, that will help. But some of you, it's food related. And Dr. Amon tells stories about this. I mean, all the people who are doing these, these clinics that are doing these things are telling stories about it because it's real. They have clients come in and they're like, this client was super reactive to corn and this client was super reactive to the food coloring.

Red 40 or whatever and this one to MSG and and total like behaviors like they have kids come in and and they're like Oh this can has 80 or 80 HD or he's he's violent or whatever and the doctor's like let's try his diet and like let's take him off this and boom they're gone totally different kid Completely different kid different behavior different attitudes like even peaceful great happy joke everything starts functioning because the brain was reacting to a certain food Now that becomes really chronic

Rachel Denning (49:59.853)
and really problematic. They found that low fat diets induced depression because the brain is fat. It operates on fat. Yeah, it needs healthy fat and it needs good food. It takes up about 20 % of what you consume goes to the brain. And yet the brain's only like 3 % of the body. Just weighs a few pounds, right? It's just tiny. And yet it takes up so much and it's consuming that. So if you're living on Mountain Dew and donuts, you're wrecking it. No wonder you feel like crap.

No wonder you can't think straight and there's just darkness in there all the time or whatever. One guy that came in the Dr. Amon's clinic, he was like, he's just violent. He's violent, dark, like killing himself and fascinates with killing other people. And then his was, his specifically was corn. They just went back to zero and like, let's start introducing what food or time. He's like, man, I haven't felt this great in so long. And then he had something of corn in it and he was like, boom, right, right back. Those dark, violent thoughts. He's like, okay, it's corn. So.

our invitation here. And again, you have to want this. If I'm sitting with you and you're like, yes, I want to be happy. I want to be peaceful. I want to direct my thoughts. I want to enjoy my life. Then I'm saying, okay, ready? And if you're, if you're, if I was like your coach, your trainer, you came to live with us or whatever. And I'm like right there, I'm your next door neighbor. We're going to be exercising vigorously. It's going to be amazing. We're going to be eating clean, good food in the right amounts. No overeating. They're also finding when you get obese,

your brain actually shrinks. So the fatter you get, the more your brain shrinks. What happens to a shrinking brain? Is it gonna function normally? No, it can't. They found that you're drinking alcohol regularly, and this is some really cool research just came out on that Uberman, on the Uberman podcast. He just did a whole thing on alcohol, what alcohol is doing. And people were like, no, isn't wine supposed to be good for you? It was like, no, because in order to get any kind of benefit from it, you'd have to drink so much of it.

that it would just have massive negative consequences on your brain. So he just debunked everything. He's like, if you drink alcohol, even in small amounts, he's like, but definitely if you're regularly drinking it, you have a glass every night with dinner or three times a week. He's like, there is direct evidence that it is making, it is damaging. Neuro connections? Yeah, neuro connections, all the brain function, everything. So it's off and they see huge divots. They can now take pictures of your brain. So they're looking at people who are smoking, people who are drinking alcohol, caffeine.

Rachel Denning (52:25.645)
Sugar comes up on it, like preserve all this stuff. They can see the effect on the brain. So they take a picture and they're like, yeah, your brain has all these divots in it because you've been eating this stuff. Cut that out and slowly over time, it'll fill back in and get back to a healthy, full brain. And guess what? You'll think better and you'll feel better. It's amazing. So yeah, what we're saying here is you gotta transform what you're eating. And so,

And then last thing we gotta hit sleep. And again, we're just touching on this. So if you guys want us to go deeper into any one of these, or perhaps all of these, we can do a whole series on this stuff. And you guys, I've been taking notes. I have a file on anxiety and depression I've been writing in for years and just collecting data and research. And it's packed. I'm sitting here looking at it thinking, I wanna share it all. But our friends were flying back from South Africa and they have a big layover here.

And so they spent the day with us and he's become a sleep expert. He had his own sleep clinic for seven years. And we talked about the effect of sleep and that even just being a little low on REM sleep, for example, the effect that has on the brain and on the body. And it was unbelievable. So if you're staying up late and getting poor sleep and...

low quantity sleep, not enough sleep, so it's low quality and low quantity, it is just causing, again, it's multifaceted, right? It's multifaceted, it's all these things together. It's detrimental to the brain and brain function and healthy thinking. So again, I...

I feel like I could almost sit down with any one of you and like if you're fully committed, you promise me you'll do everything I tell you to do and you'll do it with consistency and you'll be all in, not just going to emotions, checking the boxes, you'll be all in and you do this stuff, it will transform. It can, it has the power to totally transform your life. But that means you're going to bed at a decent hour. It's well before midnight. Like you gotta get in bed. You gotta sleep well.

Rachel Denning (54:34.829)
And so you gotta set things up. So it means you're getting off screens before bed. It means you stop eating a few hours before bed. It means you're doing peaceful things. You're strategically and intentionally, deliberately putting good thoughts into your head and your body and your brain, and you're setting yourself up to sleep well. And most of you listening, because I know this, because I work with so many people on a regular basis, you have terrible sleeping habits. You have terrible eating habits. You have terrible input habits.

in the bacterial self -tobhaggit. So it's like every time I talk to someone, I'm like, they're like, yeah, I'm feeling like this. I'm like, let me guess. Let me just say a guess here. This, this, this, and this. And I'm like, yeah, how'd you know? It's like, it's the pattern. It's just this pattern. It's there. But Greg, it's just so overwhelming to try and do all of those things. It's so much easier to just maintain my identity as being depressed and take pills. Yeah. Yeah. That's easier. It's way more overwhelming to be depressed.

and anxious. You think changing is hard, try staying. And again, I have to ask, what does this look like? If you stay the course you're on, what does it look like a year from now, five years from now, 10 years from now? Think about that thoroughly. Write about it. Where does this lead? If you don't make behavioral changes, where does this lead? And again, what do you have to lose, right? If you're down, just test it. Put it to a test. Try us. Try to prove us wrong. Let's go all in.

60 days, none of the things we're asking you to do will harm you. Not one of them. You'll be better off in a lot of ways, right? You do all this stuff, you will be better off. Try it. And if you really want it, get that transformation. And so again, we break it down. It's really actually quite simple. Yes. Exercise vigorously. And I'm playing the devil's advocate here a little bit. The devil does not need an advocate, dear. I know, I know, but still. Because I know that people can feel that way. Like it feels like so much. It feels.

too much. It feels difficult to get out of bed. Like how am I going to do all of these things you're talking about? And ultimately it starts by doing the one thing that you can do right now. Maybe that's changing your thought. I remember I came across this thing years ago, the saying that I use. It was like, whatever I think, think the opposite. And so I started doing that. If I had a thought, I switched it and I literally thought the opposite. That's helpful.

Rachel Denning (57:01.837)
start thinking the opposite thoughts. Start just going out for a walk or getting outside of your front door. Like just start with what you can and that builds the momentum. Yes. Oh my goodness. There's so much more to this. You made me think of all this stuff. Getting outside. First thing in the morning, get outside and early morning sunlight, just transformative. Huge. Another big benefit. It's a small thing, makes a big difference. Breathing. Most of us have shallow chronic breathing. So if you step out on the front porch and take some big deep breaths, maybe...

30 deep breaths, that right there, you're just pumping all this good oxygen up to your brain. Your brain's gonna feel better, because it operates on oxygen. Like just that. Like it's so simple. So you're ready to take action. So I think the point is like, we understand that the hardest part for you is going to be overcoming the inertia you're in. You are in the inertia of depression and anxiety. But you can begin to overcome it just by starting to do one thing. The one thing that you think you can do. And the thing that...

I guess made the biggest difference for me was this simple switch. I stopped acquiescing to how I happened to feel. For example, if like, I don't feel like it, I just started saying, well, nobody asked if you felt like it or not. This is good for you, do it. Well, I don't feel like it. I don't care. This is how I talk to myself because the voice, the roommates are like, I don't feel like it. I don't care if you don't feel like it. That's my response.

I don't feel like working out. I don't care. Working out's good for you. Why do I feel like eating donuts? Donuts aren't good for you. I don't care. Like, why do I just want to sit down and do nothing? I don't care what you feel like doing. Stupid roommate, you're wrecking my life, right? Like, if you don't get off the couch, I'm going to make you do push -ups until you're blue in the face. Let's go. And you have to stop living your life on how you happen to feel in the moment. That's leading to all your trouble.

I don't feel like it. So you do this. Well, then you definitely don't feel like it. Right. Because the depression makes you not feel like doing anything. And so you stop doing the things that are actually going to help you get out of the depression. It's this very vicious cycle. And all you have to do is step aside a bit. Yeah. I want to make it seem like it is simple. And some of it's actually easy, you guys. It's not that hard. You could go to bed early tonight and sleep well.

Rachel Denning (59:25.805)
and then you get up in the morning and start with a really positive, peaceful morning routine. And then you could exercise. Then you could read some good books that we recommended. And you could eat some good, healthy meals. And then you start by writing down, recognizing your thoughts. So you just grab a notebook, and you start writing down what you're thinking. You're going to be shocked as you start bringing awareness of like, holy cow, I actually think these negative things. And you write them down, and you're like, that's not even true. And that's actually like actually putting on a paper. That's really stupid.

How have I been thinking that for so long? This is ridiculous. And then next to it, you write down, what would I rather think? Well, I'd rather think this. Could that be true? Either one of those could be true, so why not believe the better one? I'm going to write that down. I'm going to repeat that to myself. And then you start doing this stuff, and within hours, within days, you could feel so much better. And we've helped people through this. We've experienced it ourselves. We've helped people through it. And they'll come back like, I can't believe how good I feel. This is the.

I've had this great best week I've had in years is incredible and it's just these simple shifts and so you get into the new patterns and you stay with them and then like the compound effect you can either compound your effect into fear and darkness and depression or you can compound effect yourself up into happiness joy peace contentment pleasure excitement right and man this stuff is powerful so and it just begins by overcoming the inertia and doing just starting to do one thing

that you can do. Rachel's so good at the one thing step, because that's how she rolls. She's like, well, I can do one thing. And me, I'm like, I can do it all. I can do it all, and I'm starting now. Right? You guys know this about me. So we provide both perspectives. I'm the inside the baby steps are for babies philosophy. Like stop with your dag gum baby steps and change your life. And you literally could change your life tomorrow. I promise. I've done it. I've helped others do it.

But you can take the long road and get there too. And it still works. So whatever you got to do, however much you want it, get after it, make it happen. Love you guys. Thanks for being here. Share this. This will be helpful for a lot of people. So share it with people you know and love and who you care about. Get it out there with them. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast and reach out to us. Connect with us on social or send us messages, wherever. And if there's more you want us to share about this, we're happy to dive into it. Love you guys. Reach out for it.