Get answers to your questions about marriage, parenting and family life from experts and parents of 7 children!

Rachel Denning (00:10.894)
We are busy people and so are you. We have a lot going on as I'm sure you do too. Human nature often makes us feel that we're too busy to do the things that matter most. Things like morning routines or rituals. We're too busy to do morning discussions with our family. But the truth is because you are so busy, this is exactly why you must do family discussions and devotionals.

And when we use the term devotional, we're not necessarily meaning a religious activity, although it certainly can include religion and spirituality. Daily family devotionals are one of the foundation blocks for building a solid family culture. In fact, it's a strategy we have been using for two decades to create family stability, even with a nomadic lifestyle, living and traveling to 48 countries on five continents with our seven children.

But creating family stability with family devotionals doesn't just work for nomads like us. When it comes to your family stability, it doesn't matter where or how your family lives or how long you stay in one place. What does matter is what sort of daily rituals and routines you share. Things such as morning family devotionals and discussions. Listen to this episode now to learn more about our personal and family morning routines.

why they are so powerful and have a compounding effect over your children's lifetime, and how you can begin doing them in your own family.

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Rachel Denning (01:48.398)
The Extraordinary Family Life podcast. I'm your host, Greg Denning. It's my amazing wife, Rachel. And our lives, we were just talking, pre -recording how our lives are busier than they have ever been. We have so much going on. It's wild. And I don't know. That's saying a lot. Yeah. Because we're. It's almost, it's insane to even just say that. But.

all the weight that that actually holds. Because we have a busy life. Everyone has a busy life. And we have seven kids, so it's not like... It's never been not busy. Yeah, it's never been not busy. And yet, here we are sitting here thinking, wow, our lives are busier than they have ever been. We have more business ventures going on, more investments going on, more big plans, huge plans. Like moving across...

Ocean. And you guys know, if you've followed us all for a while, we've been doing a lot of stuff for a long time. Our lives have been packed. And now they're even more packed than ever with this big, exciting, almost borderline overwhelming. But not quite. Not quite. But it's all exciting stuff. It's all good stuff. It's.

It's us chasing big dreams and goals and going after it. Like volunteering with organizations. You just got back from Cuba. Yeah, I just barely got back from Cuba. And what a mind boggling paradigm shifting experience that was. Communism is? Well, yeah, just the whole country and the beautiful, wonderful, resilient, good people in that country and all their things. Wow.

But you know, how to just drop everything and go international. Try to help with the hurricane victims and things down there. So we have so much going on. Speaking engagements. Yeah, I had multiple speaking engagements going on. That was so much fun. Got one coming up in a couple days. So I'm flying here, flying there, speaking, presenting. Driving to Guatemala in two weeks. Packing up to move. We have so much going on. And the reason I bring that all up is because it's so fitting for today's topic.

Rachel Denning (04:05.198)
in today's conversation of how important morning routines and rituals are for us individually, as a couple, and then as a family. And I started my morning routines, I mean, solid. It was on and off when I was 16, 17, 18. I did them, but they weren't amazing or consistent. Man, I hit 19, had some special experiences, and I was on it.

I was on it. And those days it was between four and 4 .30 every morning was my start. And that lasted for a long time. So much so that when we got married as a newlywed couple, and this is insane if you think about it, we got up at 4 a .m. together to study before you went to school and I went to work. At 4 a .m. as newlyweds. So...

We were started independently and then we got to know each other and we got married. So we started our whole marriage, our whole family life built on the chassis, if you will, of morning rituals and routines. Yes, exactly. Then the kids come along and you think, oh, that's tough. Surely we can't do that anymore. But it was interesting, especially when you get multiple kids, my personal realization was I have to. I have to keep getting up early. I have to do a morning routine. Otherwise I won't get to it.

Right. And then to throw in, of course, the mom side of this is that I think my morning routines definitely suffered as a result of having kids. And they should. And they should, right? Because of the sleepless nights and the getting up multiple times. But I also found that although the time when I did my morning routines, routines definitely changed.

doing them was still critical to my own well -being and sanity often. And so having these rituals, even if I woke up at 10 o 'clock instead of 4 a .m. because I'm up with a baby, still having this ritual of doing this routine helps you to just start your day and to get in the right head space and heart space. And so they're very critical. And to add to that,

Rachel Denning (06:27.214)
Because of our unique lifestyle, we ended up starting to travel with four children under the age of four, which is crazy. And being nomadic and living all over the place. It was so fun. Just Sunday, which was like two days ago, we sat down as a family and we're kind of like trying to.

taking a county of like, okay, how many countries have we actually been to, right? And it's varying for each person, but I'm at 41, you're at like 48, and then our older kids are at like 36 or something. So it was kind of fun to go through and think about all the places we've been and all of these things. But one of the questions we've gotten multiple times because of this unique lifestyle is, well, how do you have a sense of family stability? How do you have stability when you're moving around all the time?

time, which for a lot of years was literally what we were doing. We were moving the longest span of time was nine months. So every nine months or less, we were moving to a new country, a new city, a new location, a new house, sometimes a new language, right? And it's like, how do you maintain family stability?

when you have a life like that? And that's a legit question because people are like, I don't know how you can do that. Except that question makes me want to rant. Well, because then the reverse of that is like, oh, as if staying in one place creates stability. And we all know people that live in one place their whole life and are completely unstable. Yeah, exactly. That's where I get like, cause it's this false idea that.

is if I stay in a place, if I'm not moving around, if I'm not changing jobs, then somehow my family is stable. Look around. Holy cow. Family instability is far more common than family stability. So it is location independent. Right. Yeah. The family instability is more common and so is staying in one place. So it's certainly not correlated there or causal for sure. But whether you stay or go, it doesn't matter. You can travel all you want. You can move abroad and...

Rachel Denning (08:43.054)
plant or you can wander around in an RV or you can stay in the same house your whole stinking life and whether it's in the city or in the country it doesn't matter but this what we're talking about today will and does matter right for family stability exactly and so that's kind of coming around that's what I was bringing up but this is one of the things that has created to that has contributed to and been huge cause of our family stability and that is having

among other things, among other routines and traditions, having mourning routines and what we call devotionals. Although some people get confused when we use the term devotional because they assume it means something religious. And while it can definitely include religion and spirituality for us, our mourning devotionals are not just purely religious. So we just call them that just because I don't know. Yeah.

I'm like, what's a different word for that? But I guess I like that's a family discussion. It's a family routine. It's a family ritual. It's a family gathering. We gather around, we have breakfast and we talk and we'll get into all the details of that of what happens. But I guess the big thing we want to emphasize here is like whatever you're facing and especially if it's crazy, some of you and I was like this too, you think, oh no, I'm too busy and or I got too much going on or his life is too hectic to do that. And I want to say the opposite.

The more busy, the more hectic, the more overwhelming, the more you have on your plate, the more responsibilities you take on, the more critical a solid grounding morning routine is. And it has to be, it has to include things that fill you and heal you so that you have something to give because you can't give what you don't have. You can't.

Draw from an empty well. And you can't.

Rachel Denning (10:44.974)
help if you're not whole. And so it's microdosing every morning. You're doing something that's helping you be more whole. And all of us need to operate from a state of wholeness. Because if we're running empty or broken or injured, and that's not just physical, I mean, that's physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, social, financial, all of it.

If we're running and operating like that, we're barely just a tiny fraction of our best selves. We're an empty shell of who we could be. Now, here's something that I teach my coaching clients. I'm going to share it here with you guys. And man, I don't know how to emphasize this enough. It is extremely difficult, if not impossible, to get lost in life if you check the map every single morning.

And I have to drive that home. You've got to set up a high quality morning ritual that's like checking the map every single morning. And you can do a personal inventory. And it's like going in for an examination. It's hard to get really out of shape if you check in on your physical health every morning. It's hard to get really lost. It's hard to let your marriage fall apart if every morning you're like, hey, how's my marriage? What can I do today?

It's funny, people like, they'll wake up one morning and be like, how did I get 70 pounds over debt, $70 ,000 in debt? 70 pounds overweight? Did I say over debt? Yeah. 70 pounds overweight, $70 ,000 in debt, and my marriage fell apart. Like, what happened? Right. I'm like, when was the last time you checked in? Yeah. The day we got married, maybe? It's like, well, duh. You got to check in every morning. Right. And I mean, is this?

Is this sinking in? It's hitting home, I hope for all of you. Like check the map every morning and it's so hard to get lost. Right. And I love that analogy because you're right. If you were driving somewhere like Google Maps, if you don't pay attention to the map, right? Guess what? That's a perfect. You hit start on it, throw the phone in the back seat and just start driving. I got the maps on. A lot of people are doing that. Yeah.

Rachel Denning (13:15.022)
They're literally doing that with their lives and with their family. They're just, maybe they looked at the map, but now they're just driving. And they're not even referencing it. And so when you said that, I'm like, yeah, exactly. You need to be checking the map every day, at least, you know? I mean, when you are actually actively driving, you're looking at the map every few minutes. Now we're not even asking that. We're saying just at least once a day.

in the morning, you're checking the map to see, first of all, because if you're going to go anywhere in life and going somewhere in life is important, despite the people we have heard out there who think that's not important, just exist, just be, going somewhere is important. But you need two things in order to go somewhere. You need to know where you are and you need to know where you're going. That's exactly what you have to do in Google Maps. It's the perfect metaphor, really.

You have to put in the location of where you are and you have to put in the location where you're going. Otherwise they cannot map the route. Right. It's literally impossible. And yet we don't do that in our lives. We don't know where we are. We don't take inventory to see where we're at. And we don't have a clear destination of where we're trying to go. Hence 98 % of people drifting through life relationships that are lost.

and broken and falling apart and they have life plans that they just are wandering around and then bemoaning it and complaining and really hurting, suffering, quite miserable. Like, why is my life like this? And I'm like, well, because you're not checking the map. Yeah, you're not checking. Well, yeah, and that's the first thing, I'm lost, help. You're like, well, you check the map? What map? Did you put in your destination? Did you put in your location? Or some do.

Some say, yeah, I told you, I wrote all that stuff down. We talked about it, thought about it a ton. But I'm not referencing it. What have you been doing? What have you been referencing it? So the morning routine is, in a very real way, referencing the map. Now, you have to create the map, like Rachel just said. If you want to go somewhere in life, you've got to create your map. Which we've talked about in other places. We did a whole podcast on our Extraordinary Family Life Planner. And you can get the planner. That's.

Rachel Denning (15:39.63)
That's essentially looking at the map. Honestly, that's the best way to go through it. You're right. I hadn't even thought about that. We created this whole, the Extraordinary Family Life Planner, and it walks you through step by step, getting the big picture, and then getting a vision of where you want to go and who you want to be. And identifying where you are now. Yep. And then breaking that down to actionable steps, yearly, monthly, weekly, and then even daily. And so if you've not created your map, that...

is the perfect resource. It's the tool, the tactics for you to create that map. And we did the podcast episode essentially walking you through that whole process. Fantastic. So that's how you get the map. Now, the morning is checking the map and refilling it. So it's not the only thing. You'll get up and say, I guess this is what's really on my mind right now is you wake up and you just spend a few moments. Oh, and I was going to say this earlier.

We all have times and seasons, and ideally, your morning ritual routine might be an hour or two. That's awesome, right? But some days, it might be 10 minutes. And you could do the same. I was going to say five. OK, we can do five. Well, actually, I'm going to say it. Sorry, I'm going to interrupt for a second, because I was just, I think you must have downloaded a new book by Ren and Richard on our audible, and I was listening to it for part of my morning routine, because that's one thing I do, is I walk.

If I go walking, I will listen to something while I'm walking. And he says a minimum of five minutes from three different things. So ideally it's 10 to 15 minutes. But point is, what I loved is he was saying the science backs it up that if you do at least five minutes, it's going to have a huge impact. Yes, because it has, and I was going to actually say that. That's cool. You brought that up. I haven't listened to it yet. What we do...

in the morning during minutes has a magnifying power throughout the day. Because we might think, what would five minutes do? Whatever. I have so much to do. It does. It seems miraculous. It has a magnifying power that extends throughout the day. It gets you recalibrated and reset. And I love that. A minimum of five minutes in at least three different things. So we're talking 15 minutes. And you can squeeze that in.

Rachel Denning (18:07.022)
And some of you might say, I don't have time, I can't do it. You can't afford not to do it. Well, because as you're talking about this, what I'm thinking of is it's essentially like setting your course. If you're going to sail out from the harbor, or you're going to take off in a plane, if you don't spend that few minutes calibrating your course and setting the course and saying, oh, I don't have time, well, you're going to end up in the wrong place.

you're gonna end up in the wrong destination. And so, you're talking about this magnifying effect. It's essentially starting the journey headed in the right direction as opposed to just starting the journey going any direction and then ending up in the wrong place. And just the nature of life, we can only take one day at a time. So what you're charting is what you do today. How far along this path are you gonna move today and making sure you're still on the right path.

Because even if you started on the right path, you're like, am I still on it? Did I move forward today on my path? Did I slide backwards on my path? Because life is lived on an incline, ladies and gentlemen. And if we're not having steady upward momentum and steady upward progress, then we're sliding back. So did I lose ground? Did I just stay in the same place? I think many of us will find we're just stuck.

like we're trapped or in this rut, circular motion of a rut or something. Or a treadmill. But you get up and you make this count and some days it'll be an hour or two, some days it'll be 15 minutes and you can take the same elements and just shrink them but you hit them and you'll find that over time not only is that magnifying power go through your days but it starts to magnify through your entire life.

Radiate through everything you do and it gives you a sense of purpose and meaning and stability and strength and I found because The only the only way I can explain this is that God and the universe are constantly conspiring in our favor I'll be reading a book just reading through reading reading from three or four books at a time I'll be reading along and I'll read something that day. It's just I was on the next page So I read the next page and then later that day I needed that very information

Rachel Denning (20:31.854)
And that's happened to me so many times. And my clients, too. They tell me the same thing. Like, man, I was doing my morning routine, read something, came across something, wrote something. Later that day, I needed it. It's amazing, because you're doing the exercise. And so they're like, oh, I'll give you what you need. And it'll line up. So we call it divine coincidence, where it just lines up. And you're like, there's no way I could have predicted that to happen.

made it happen, but it works out beautifully. So I would say the first element, some of you are probably already doing it. In fact, you all have morning rituals routines. They might be haphazard, they might be weak, they actually might even be detrimental. Some of you, from the moment you wake up, you have a routine you go through that's actually disempowering you. Like getting on Facebook, Instagram. Sabotage, yeah. Well I know people, like, because I talk to them, I'm always asking, like, what do you do first thing in the morning? Like, well, before I get out of bed, I grab my phone and.

start checking my messages. I'm like, oh man, that is the wrong way to start. And I know some of you are like, oh, there's no right or wrong or how can you be so bold? I'm going to be bold on that one. That is the wrong way to start your day. I'll just call that out right there. Don't check your messages because what you're doing is you're immediately, before you've gotten out of bed, you're handing over your life to somebody else's agenda and you're allowing other people and other things to be the input into your mind. Right.

and you're jumping right into messages or alerts or whatever. Problems, obstacles, challenges, frustrations. Before you've even taken care of you, you're jumping into the crap hole, right? So don't do that. I guess we can make a whole bunch of don'ts as well. We can do's and don'ts. But again, like our systems and morning rituals and routines are a system. Our systems either support our success or they sabotage it. Right. And you have a morning routine already. You have one.

It might be unconscious, it might be deliberate, but is it empowering you? And here's the way to measure that. It's like, after you do it, do you feel ready for the day? Do you feel ready to tackle challenges and obstacles? Do you feel empowered? Do you feel energized, recalibrated, reset, reengaged? Yeah. And we're kind of talking about personal morning routines right now because...

Rachel Denning (22:57.454)
They are critical and I think foundational for what we want to emphasize in this episode, which is like our family morning routine, our family devotional or family discussion. Because I really think they have to build on each other. If you're not doing a personal morning routine, it's going to be even harder to do a family morning one. That's exactly what I want to say. One of the most frequent questions we get about morning devotionals is, why should I talk about? Yeah.

Which we're going to talk about. What should I say? And my thought is always like, are you kidding me? My problem is like, what do I cut out? Why do I choose from so many things? And the reason why is because both of us have already been devouring, thinking, and writing. We have so much that we've filled. So many thoughts that we've had. Personally, individually, and then as a couple, that by the time the kids are up and ready for breakfast, we're like, OK.

Okay. And sometimes we're competing. We're like, wait, I wanted to talk about this. And so in a very real sense, your personal refilling is fueling the family devotional and the family discussions and the inspiration and motivation. It's all there because you went ahead and you got it. Now you share it. Exactly. You're drawing from a well that's not empty. So just to, I don't know.

In Brendan Breschard's thing that I was listening to, he'd mentioned three things. And I'm like, yeah, those are three things we do. Because he said five minutes each on each of these three things. One of them is filling your mind. I don't remember the words he used, but for us, it's input. So basically, at least five minutes of reading something inspirational or inspiring. And this is, we talked about this before we were married. Yeah. And I always would say input determines output. IDO, input determines output.

And that has just been a guiding governing principle for our lives. You've got to get great input every single day. The second thing he says is moving your body. At least five minutes of moving your body. It just helps you to get in the right physical mood. Let me throw something in here. So I tell my clients, they're like, oh, I'm too busy. And my clients are busy. Some of them are running huge businesses with lots of employees, lots of stress.

Rachel Denning (25:20.366)
And they'll say things like, man, I don't have time to work out. And so I tell them, if you don't have time for five miles, do five minutes. And you might think, some of you listening, like, oh, what did five minutes do? And so I did a test the other day. I grabbed a 50 pound kettlebell. I turned on a four minute song and tried to just do a, are those the Russian? What are those called? I don't even know what they're called. Where you swing it between your legs. And I just tried to do that for four minutes.

And I was like, I was going all out. I couldn't do it. If you think five minutes won't make a difference, try doing burpees. There's a challenge. Some of you might start with try jumping rope for five minutes, then try and do burpees for five minutes, and then grab a kettlebell, see if you can do that for five minutes. It will wreck you. So five minutes could be enough to move your body. In some ways, this brings up a completely different topic, which we could spend an hour talking about, which we won't.

But that's the fact that most people, when they do something, they actually do it very ineffectively. When they're working out, they're not working out effectively. And so it takes them an hour to get ready and drive to the gym and do this and that. And you know, the whole rigmarole takes an hour. Oh, when it takes an hour to get 15 minutes of exercise. Exactly. If that right. Right. And so the point is, if you're going to do something, be all in and do it. And you could actually get it done.

in a lot less time. But that's a whole other discussion. Well, which fits with the same thing. Like in an eight hour school day, we've read some research that there's maybe. 30 minutes of learning. Yeah, exactly. It's this tiny fraction of actual learning in an eight hour school day. I've also read some work, some research done in the workplace that in an eight hour work day, there's tiny amounts of work. They said it takes the average worker 14 days to do.

five hours of deep work. 14 days, 14 work days to do five hours of deep work. So there's an effectiveness problem, a massive effectiveness problem across the board. And so this is true. If you got 15 minutes, make them count. And then the last thing he said was some sort of spirituality, praying, meditating. He even talked about singing because the power of like.

Rachel Denning (27:47.47)
vocalize or vocalizing chanting that the power of using your voice like releases endorphins it has this whole chemical effect on your body which i thought was awesome yeah that's beautiful i don't sing i don't sing in the morning yeah i know disclaimer i should you should start somewhere

But that's true. When we get singing yesterday, we were doing that as a family. We turned on some fun songs, and we were all just singing at the top of our lungs. Our poor neighbors probably heard us all. Like, ah, there's dying animals over there. That would be us, not our kids. Yeah, our kids can sing. But those are beautiful practices. And again, there's nothing hard and fast. What works for us might not work for you.

But I have seen, I will say this, there are common denominators. And you start studying life successful people, you're like, oh, there it is again, there it is again, there it is again. And across all genres and cultures, there's just certain things that just work. And so those are some of the things we want you to implement. So as far as input goes, it can be this podcast, you can listen to podcasts. And I know a lot of people listen to our podcasts and their morning rituals and routines. They go for a walk and listen to something or run or exercise.

So essentially then you're doing two things at once. You're killing two birds with one stone. By moving your body and listening to something. So if you go out jogging for 10 minutes and listen to an audio book or a podcast on one and a half speed, then you get 15 minutes of input while you get a 10 minute run. That's awesome. And you have to start optimizing like that. Because you're like, I have all these kids, I have all these projects, I have so much to do. Well, there you go. You can get a workout in and some great input in.

the same time. So by the time you get back, you've listened to some inspiring stuff and you've moved your body like, wow, this is great. And I like to do any kind of slower, quieter, more peaceful things before I work out. That's just me personally. I know some like to do it afterwards. So my clients will come home from a run and then they'll meditate while they cool off or they'll pray. Others like to do it first thing in the morning, go into meditation or prayer or just spending time with God or spending time with nature, getting aligned with your values or principles.

Rachel Denning (30:05.198)
But I mean, those are, those are a few powerful things you can do as an individual. So now family, is that what you wanna move to? And then all of that is to prep you essentially for not only taking on your day, but for being with your family. Now, of course, I have to throw in the whole mom challenge here because for many moms, you don't get that opportunity because as soon as you wake up, kids are in your face saying, I want something to eat.

Which was what one of our kids used to say for years, very first thing when they woke up. And so I understand that sometimes as a parent, and this happens to dads too, you don't have that space to do a morning routine. It's right into the kids. And so what you have to learn how to do is, okay, meet their needs, get them taken care of. Then meet your needs. And then say, and you can tell them this, okay, kids, I've done this thing for you or whatever.

I'm going to go take 10 minutes to do this thing. And you have to make adjustments to work. You know, if you've got small kids and you can't leave them home alone, obviously, you have to do something different than going on a run by yourself. Maybe you take them in the stroller, maybe you whatever, you've got to figure out what works for you. But the point is, even if you don't get to wake up and do that morning routine right away, you can still fit that morning routine in. And I've even seen this work.

with moms if they don't get to the morning routine until the afternoon. Like that's okay, you know? The point is to do it. Daily. Daily as this kind of grounding, anchoring force in your life. Hey, just a quick interruption here. I wanted to let you know that if you wanna get the Extraordinary Family Life Planner and Greg's amazing morning method, which explains how to do morning routines, personal morning routines in a detailed way.

You can get those in our best self bundle. And the link is in the show notes. And if you click the link in the show notes, you'll save 80%. Okay, back to the episode. You're right. I remember when our two littles were, they were toddler and infant. And man, they were, those of you with little ones, you're like, ah, that's a lot of work. These two are all over the place. And I would bundle them up. I bought a really nice,

Rachel Denning (32:28.046)
two -seat running stroller for this purpose and I would throw them in there, bundle them up really tight and they didn't care. They didn't care if it was snowing or raining. I mean they wanted to be out there. They loved it. It had a cover which was helpful. It had a nice cover. We were living in Germany. Yeah, we're living in the country, in the countryside in Germany at the time and man I would just go run and run and run and listen to great audiobooks and...

So I'm having this phenomenal time. They loved it. I was getting out and just running through the German countryside and the forest. And I had a break. And mom had a break. So you can figure out how to make this happen. Optimize. Yeah. You can optimize it in a way, or even hack it. It's almost like, oh, here's this little hack. You actually, it's even better. Because you might be thinking, well, I got little kids I can't do. It's going to be hard. No, you can totally figure out a way that. It's a win -win -win. Yeah, it wins everywhere. Yeah.

So make sure, again, and just start, experiment with it. I had one client where I was like, well, hey, try this. And he's like, and then we met up the week later. I'm like, wow. And he's like, I dreaded doing that. So I actually slept in. His morning routine that week was worse. I'm like, why? He's like, I did not want to wake up and start with, his was exercise. He's like, I don't want to work him. So I actually slept in. I sabotaged myself sleep. I slept in more this week because I didn't want to wake up and work out.

I'm like, okay, well, don't work out then. If that's the thing you're dreading, then I work out later. And so he's like, he learned for himself, he's got to do his workouts in the afternoon. And so he motivated himself to get up by doing something during his morning routine that was motivating to him. Exactly, that he looked forward to. Reading or writing or whatever it is, whatever your thing is. Cause some of you might be like, oh, I don't want to get up to do that. Well, okay, find your thing and get up to do that. Something that...

It drives you. If you're like, I don't like reading or listening to books, I'm like, what are you reading or listening to? There's so many good books and so many great things out there to consume. So experiment with that a little bit. Find the authors and presenters that kind of resonate with you.

Rachel Denning (34:44.59)
Right. You go with that. If you guys like our podcast, start at the very beginning, man. There's so many hours of stuff here and content. So jump in and just find something that you look forward to. While I was in Cuba, I was talking with one of the guys that went down there to work with, and we talked about this concept, the Danish word hugge. And it's this idea. If you look it up online, it's this idea of like, they said it's kind of cold outside and you just have a nice warm cup of coffee or tea or.

hot cocoa or whatever, and you're sitting in front of the fireplace and it's snowing outside and you have that feeling. That's, who gives the feeling? And well, you do this a lot. Like you operate in Hugo. Like your morning is like you go downstairs and you get your - I make my cup of tea. Your little drink. And then I go up in my office and I read and write. And it's like, it's peaceful. It's grounding. Like, oh, it just feels.

Comforting renewing. So it's just like yeah, it's your soul saying you want that your morning routine to be like that You want it to be this thing that gives you this feeling of no, I'm not like that. I Think I think okay. I started there or now I'm like Let's go, okay. Okay to be fair. Yeah, but I think

There's still something for you that's, there's a feeling there that drives you to it. It's this, you know, addiction in a way of like, you're drawn to whatever chemicals your body's producing when you do this experience. When you have this routine, you are addicted to that. You know, I'm using the word lightly, but you're addicted to that type of feeling. And in a way that's what you're trying to do. You're trying to create this positive emotional chemical response to,

doing this ritual. I got mine. This is going to sound weird. It's sitting in a leather chair reading a leather book. And I guess they don't have to be leather. But we have this nice leather chair by our fireplace. I have one in our room. And I sit there with a great classic book there reading something inspiring. That, oh man, I love that feeling. OK, but yes. But I'm also saying that whatever feeling you have in your morning routine is also something you're drawn to do. Yep.

Rachel Denning (37:12.75)
even if it's not that cozy little feeling. What's interesting about that though is it's conditioning. So you might start, those of you starting out and you're experimenting with your morning, you're starting to try to find what feels good. And some of it's conditioning, especially when I started my hard morning routine, I'm like, I don't care what I feel like, this is good and I'm going to do it. And so I just did it. And I did it and I did it and I did it and then I'm like, ooh, this feels good.

Right, and so I actually conditioned myself to feel good doing the thing that was good. And so whether that's reading, writing, or meditating, or prayer, whatever your practice is, make sure it's a good one. Make sure it's aligned with purpose and meaning, and it's tested, it's proven by other successful people. You want to come up with something that's actually sabotaging. You're like, yeah, but I love that. Which some people do that, right?

An easy example is caffeine. They're like, oh, I get up and I... Yeah, if you get up first thing and have a smoke or first thing you just pound a rock star or something, that's not good for you. It's wrecking your body. You're conditioned to want to do that despite the fact it's dangerous. And so it is fascinating. We're kind of going off on this tangent here, but it is fascinating to me because I feel like I operate differently. I think your approach definitely requires more...

initial discipline where I think and even in James Clear's book Atomic Habits he talks about that if you make it easy to do and have that positive association then you're more likely to continue in that habit. So you're essentially trying to establish the habit with the positivity as opposed to pushing through and having requiring relying on discipline.

to keep going. So it is fascinating. That's so nice that you, James Clear, and others have these easy pathways. It's awesome. I'm not mocking them. When I hear you say it, I'm like, yeah, that's right. That's such a nice way. Or I'm like, shut up and do it. Stop being a baby and rip the bandaid off. This is what you talk to. This is how I talk to myself. Like, baby steps are for babies. Let's go. But somehow, I think you have the emotional resilience to be able to do that, where not everyone can. A lot of people, they can't.

Rachel Denning (39:35.182)
talk to themselves like that because they'll start crying. You're so mean to me, self. And you're right. And to be clear, I have a very healthy relationship with myself and my dialect. I can be very hard on myself in a really healthy way. So I'm not being mean. I don't deal with like self -worth problems. I'm very comfortable in my own skin. And so I'm like, let's go sucker. Like get things done because I've studied enough. I've done enough. I'm experimented enough. I know what's good.

and I'm doing it and I do it whether I feel like it or not. But you're right. If you can, well, same with exercise, right? If you do an exercise that you enjoy, you're far, far, far more likely to do it than if you're like, oh man, I gotta go grind in that dumb thing. Yeah. Set yourself up for success. Make it easier to succeed and harder to fail. Right. It's brilliant. Okay. Let's get back to family devotions. Exactly. So all of that was the prelude to...

doing family devotionals because obviously like we mentioned, you have to have, this is the biggest challenge. People are saying, well, what do you talk about? What do you do? And part of the major problem that they don't know what to talk about or don't know what to do during a family discussion or routine is because they haven't done anything their own. So they don't, they're trying to draw from an empty will. We do our, it's really tough.

It's tough for us too. It's harder for us to do a podcast even if we didn't have content to talk about. And we have content to talk about because we're constantly filling our minds and our lives with ideas. We're discussing them together. And experiences and people. Exactly, right. So that's why it's easy for us to do because it's just a part of our life. So if you're trying to, if you're like, oh, you know, we should do a family devotional. We should do family discussing.

discussions and you try to sit down and do one and you're like, I don't know what to talk about. Well, that's because you haven't been filling your mind and life with ideas. And so if you do these personal morning routines and you're listening to stuff, you're listening to podcasts, you're listening to books, you're, you're listening to audio books. I already said that. Um, you're going to have thoughts that you want to share with other people. And I'll just, I'll just throw this out. This is a great way to start.

Rachel Denning (42:04.142)
Pick a book like Aesop's Fables and read a fable each morning and talk about what it means. That's a super easy start for getting content. Wait, before we jump into that, I want to share something before I forget it. We started this when we adopted Kaya. She was five days old. We'd only been married like a year and a half. And I thought, I want to greet my children with a big smile and a hug every single morning. So...

if at all possible, the first thing they see every time they come into consciousness is a smile and a hug and an excited, good morning. Life, here's another fantastic day. I'm excited to be alive. This is great. I wanted my kids to have that again and again and again so that they woke up to happiness. They woke up to optimism, positivity, a new and exciting adventure. Many of -

You wonderful people suck at waking up positively. And it's conditioning, it's training, or whatever. Maybe life experiences, or life's hard. But even when our life was crazy hard, man, I always greeted the kids with a smile and a hug. And I did that because I used to wake up miserable. And I'd come into consciousness and not want to be awake, and not like my life.

and almost a default into pessimism. That's why you say, oh, I got up on the wrong side of the bed. Well, remove the wrong side of your bed. Just be that and be that source. And I know I'm adding a little more pressure, but this is positive pressure to you as parents. You need to be this source. And don't fake it. Be it. Be the source of positivity and optimism and excitement for your kids. So the very first part of the morning routine or ritual or devotional.

is to greet your children with love and excitement. Yes. And I'm glad that you pointed that out because I think at this point in our family life that's become so automatic. I don't even think of that as part of our routine per se. Like if people asked us, oh, what's your routine? I wouldn't even think to mention that. But I know, yeah, we started out being very intentional about doing that. So the first thing we do when we greet any of our children, whenever they wake up,

Rachel Denning (44:33.934)
is with a smile and a hug and a good morning. Like it's a happy thing. We never just... Every single one. Barely acknowledge them or you know, whatever. And again, I want to emphasize this. The reason I intentionally started doing that after we were married is because for all those years when I was single, you know, I had roommates and colleagues or whatever and I had lived with other families and stuff.

I would say most people just kind of get up. At best, you get some kind of grunt. And that's about the extent of some kind of grumbling or something. What a difference when you pop up and say, hey, man, good morning. Good to see you, brother. I'm excited. This is great. What a great day to be alive. And it's just flipping the switch. And so I wanted to train my children to do that. And they're.

they're actually really good at it. So even when they just, there's a natural tendency to be blah. Even them, you're right, you're someone who's, they still have all that positivity. And then when they see you and I running around hugging, snuggling, smiling, good morning, they actually have to resist it. Like, no, I'm choosing to be grumpy today. Like, okay, that's your choice, because this is a great day to be alive. Right. Right. And even,

Even, I know some of you doubted like, yeah, but what if times are tough? It's easy for you guys, your life's so awesome. Even and especially when things are hard. You gotta wake up like this. And if you wake up, flip the switch. Yes. Okay. So we've talked about doing your own morning routines to feed content for the family morning routine. And then we talked about this very beginning step of just.

greeting them and saying good morning. Then I would say, you know, people are like, well, what is, what does the devotional include? What's in it? And for me, it, it includes breakfast for one thing. And the reason why it includes breakfast is because at least in our family, food has always been a motivator for kids, right? They're hungry. It also keeps their attention. It keeps them there at the table and it...

Rachel Denning (46:57.742)
It essentially makes them in a way a captive audience. Like they're there to eat and you, I know for me, I usually don't eat during devotional because that's when I'm talking or leading the devotional or the discussion or asking questions. So if I have something for breakfast, that doesn't mean I have to make a breakfast every morning. Some days I just get out yogurt and toppings or whatever. We don't get out cold cereal. We do not get out cold cereal. We don't get out donuts. Yes. We don't.

feed our kids crap. But that's a different topic. But it's a central topic. And it's part of the recipe for success. Because the first thing in the morning, you're putting toxins and poisons in your kids' bodies. And it goes right to their brains. And you're like, why are my kids not like, well, look what you're feeding them. That's why. Some of you, like you're struggling. There are behavioral issues that are being directly caused by the food you are providing your kids.

Sorry, I got a rant here for a minute. So no, this is part of it. Your morning devotional is determined by the quality of food. You're right, because if you're talking about creating the environment in your home that facilitates success and happiness and peace, all of these parts are a key to this. And so paying attention to all the parts.

And being intentional about all of the parts, including the food, does have a compounding effect, essentially. It compounds all of those small parts compound to create overall family happiness. And so if I am intentional about studying, learning about health, nutrition, and then feeding my kids those things that are healthy, I'm just giving them that much more of an advantage. I'm giving our family that much more of an advantage.

If you're trying to inspire your kids and have optimism and positivity and good vibes and yet you're feeding them crap, you're literally operating in self -sabotage. Yeah, it is deadening the effect for sure. So if your kids pour Lucky Charms into the Nutella box and then go to town for breakfast, or you give that to them to make it easier, oh, not well. I'm like, go to town. What do you mean go to town? Where are they going? With their spoon. They go to town with their spoon. OK. So feed your kids good food.

Rachel Denning (49:21.614)
And then if you, here's another tip, if you don't know what to talk about, if you still are like, okay, I had, I did a morning routine, but you know, sometimes, some days you don't have, I don't know, maybe you don't have a big thing you want to talk about. That's okay. I have a few just standard resources that are always available at the kitchen table for inspiration. One of them is a question book.

that my kids love. They love answering these questions. It's like 365 days of questions. And I'll just open it up to the day of the year, and I'll be like, OK, here's the question for today. And some of them are really lame. And some of them are fun and spark conversation. Yeah, but the kids like having the question, having the question asked. So that's one thing we do. Another thing is we have a little notebook that we - This is called the Family Philosophy Journal. Yeah, the Family Philosophy Journal. And -

It's a blank notebook that we have written our personally chosen poems, scriptures, quotes in, and even some that our own children have come up with and made. And so that's another thing. We'll open it up to one of these pages that we've picked and then we'll practice memorizing a poem or quote together. You know, that's a very simple thing. That was huge. That establishes family culture, family dynamics.

you're planting seeds in your kids' heads that will flourish and be in there for the rest of their lives. It's so powerful. And so then it also becomes a reference point because if something's happening in life, we can start quoting something like every single qualification for success and our kids know how to finish that because they've memorized the quote. And so that is a very powerful way of just, yeah, creating this family culture. I will also...

have other books that I read from. So our family is going to Norway in December. And so one of the things we're learning about right now is Viking history and Norse mythology. So today during morning devotional, and again, let me explain this part a little bit. Today during morning devotional, it was just me and the three younger kids because we got a late start on some stuff and the kids, you know, the older kids were off doing stuff. Our one son's off filming a movie. Our other daughters moved out.

Rachel Denning (51:48.11)
and then you were with the other two kids so it was just the three of us so it doesn't have to always be everyone every single time it's like you do you work with what you've got but for today we did some poems that we'd memorized and then I read about Norse mythology so we were reading about Thor and Loki and you know the other Norse gods. Love it. We also used the story of the world for a while. Yeah I was going to add that. That's such a great resource it's really fun.

And the more stories you can, people love stories, youth and children, youth and adults. So more story books, or the Esau fables ones. Just find great stories that teach principles and practice drawing out the principle and then practice helping your kids draw the principle. You're not just telling a story for a story's sake. There's a story that has a lesson. That's why I love Esau's fables so much is because every fable was written over who knows how long.

lots and lots of human history and wisdom and they use animals to try to illustrate something they've noticed in human nature to say, hey, there's a different way to approach this. Yeah. So it's essentially just, it could be anything you want to learn about and you find a book, ideally with stories that you can read from during this devotional time. So they're sitting there eating their yogurt, not their cereal.

or their eggs or their whatever and you're reading just a small part. It's not, it doesn't have to be long. Some days it's longer than others, but some days it's short. Again, if you did at least five minutes, that's something. And you just read from whatever it is that you're learning about or reading about. Sometimes I just read poetry, you know, or read from poetry books or we'll, sometimes we discuss, um,

Current events. Something will have happened in the news or some, you know, something's going on and we will discuss what's going on. Or some principle from a conversation I have. Or working with a client. Ooh, here's a hypothetical scenario, you guys. What about this situation? Or I'll read about something or come across some experience or I'll tell stories from... Going to Cuba. Yeah, exactly. From all these different things I've done in my life, all of our life stories, I'll bring that up.

Rachel Denning (54:11.534)
man, it's instructive. So the basis of the idea when people are saying, well, what do I do during a morning devotional with my family? More importantly, I think, than what you do, because what you do can, it could be a hundred different things, is that you have this habit and this routine and this ritual of doing something and of coming together and of...

just having this time where you get to talk about whatever it is that is currently exciting you or making you angry or inspiring you or frustrating you or you're fascinated with, like fill in the blank. I think you wanna take the emotions you're feeling about life and use this as a...

place and a time to discuss and share it with your family. Making it very relevant. That makes them powerful. It has to be relevant. And it has to be enticing. Some of you try to force this and see your kids resistant. They're like, blah, blah, blah. It's so dumb. Make it enticing. Make it inviting. You just said you get to do it. It's like, we don't sit down because we have to have a discussion. It's like, we get to. If you have that attitude, it definitely becomes drudgery. Oh, I hate it.

Our kids like doing it because we make it a fun thing. And it's not that we're making it a fun thing like we're doing a song and dance entertainment. It's we are legitimately passionate about discussing things and talking about things and sharing ideas and learning things. We are excited about that. And we're sharing that passion for learning with them during this space. And that's learning about lots of different things. And I think that that's one of the key ingredients.

which I feel is why it's directly connected to the idea of doing a morning routine because if you are spending time being inspired, it's going to be easier to be inspiring. Oh my goodness, it's so much easier. That's so powerful. We also, you also play classical music in the morning. Yes. While you're making the breakfast, we go down and turn it on. And so it's almost like, it's just.

Rachel Denning (56:28.014)
It's cueing it up. Setting the mood, kind of. Setting the mood. We've got just beautiful classical music going. And it's music that I've handpicked that I personally find inspiring, you know, because not all classical music is inspiring to me. Some of it is just boring. But it's music that I enjoy, or you enjoy, not just me. It's going to be like, I know what we're doing here. This is conditioning. It's going to be like Pavlov's dogs. Yeah.

Like our kids, for the rest of their lives, they're going to hear classical music and they're going to think of these mornings. Yeah. Well, and we've had our kids say that because our older kids go away and they will stay with family or friends. Sometimes they've been gone, well, some of them have been gone for months at a time. And when they come back, they say that. They're like, Mom, I missed the classical morning, the music in the morning and the food.

discussion, like they miss that, they recognize that that's a powerful force in their life and when they're away from it they are missing that. And they notice the difference. Notice the void. Yeah. So yeah, I put on the music in the morning, I prepare something, you know, just so that there's a reason for everyone to come together because otherwise if you just let everyone get their own, and not that this happens every single morning but it's 80 % of the time. And let your kids help too.

and come up with recipes. And cause I know I've had some moms be like, oh my goodness, no, I can't even do my morning routine cause I have to get up and make breakfast and I have to do all this. And so again, there's ways to kind of hack the system and simplify it. If you just have these standard things that are in the fridge and you just pull them out and like, you know, that's why yogurt is something we at least have once a week. And optimizing or if you, if you do cook cook enough that you can freeze it and then pull it back out or use it. Again, that's a whole nother.

If some of you are like, why we would have to start so early because our kids have to go to school, then that's an easy fix. Go ahead and pull your kids out of school and homeschool them. Home education is the way to go. It's awesome. And I used to not be that this bold about home education, but now I don't think I can be bold enough. Like, educate your kids. Get them out of that cesspool.

Rachel Denning (58:48.142)
We call it government schooling. And that is the tangent. That's for another topic. But one more thing for devotionals, it's a perfect opportunity to teach life lessons. And so if something comes up, there's something that needs to be addressed or taught, you realize, oh, that's an important one there. Then find a way to tactfully sneak it into a lesson later.

Not pointing at any individual at the table that's guilty. So this morning, we're going to talk about lying, because Jimmy over there is a liar. If you do that kind of crap, it will just totally backfire, and everyone will hate you. But if you come up with a story about the absolute importance of integrity and honesty, and you share it, and you don't point anybody out, you don't give them the stink eye, you just share the principle, it hits home.

And so actually this requires that you become a great teacher. So buckle up, put her cup in and become a great teacher, become a great speaker. Study it, study pedagogy and study how to deliver. Pay attention to your favorite speakers and teachers. What do they do that works? When you throw something, you notice your kids are just riveted to a certain speaker or teacher, why?

and take those principles and lessons of bringing it in. And stories is the hack. We do this with movies even too. Oh yeah. We watch a movie and then we'll discuss. We don't watch a movie during devotional, but we will discuss movies. I remember we watched Spider -Man No Way Home and the next morning for devotional I talked about how it really bothered me and all the things that was wrong with it. And that was our morning devotional. Yeah, so you can pull in. It's so easy because there's so much that's relevant.

And you don't need to get on a soapbox and do your lectures. Some people try to use their devotional as another chance to do lecturing. Like, oh, this is my, this is my, another chance to give a dad lecture. And that will fall so flat on deaf ears and they'll have nothing but resentment and disdain for devotionals. Don't, you're not lecturing. You're not getting on your soapbox and ranting and raving about the evil people, blah, blah, blah, whatever. Teach the principle.

Rachel Denning (01:01:01.486)
It's interesting how often, instead of discussing the idea and trying to wrap your head around and understand why things are true or false, or why things are right or wrong, and trying to see the whole picture, like a rotisserie chicken, they just parrot out this thing. Well, this and blah, blah, blah, and those, blah, blah, blah, blah. And that doesn't help. And that's why it backfires. That's why kids end up doing the very thing you tell them not to do, because they never understood it. All you do is just rant and rave and lecture about.

Don't do that, don't do that. And what do they do? They often do it. Where if you teach them the correct principles and give them that power and have inspiring devotionals, man, it's just magic. No, I think that that's an important point because maybe that's how a lot of parents envision this happening, that you're having this devotional where you're standing up there giving your speech or your lecture. Some great monologue that you've imagined in your head. Exactly. And that's.

just not how it works and that's not really very effective. And when you make it a discussion, that's what makes it engaging because the kids have things to say, they have comments to make. And that's what keeps them in the conversation because they actually feel like they can say something. So I think that it's really key to recognize that that's a key ingredient of it.

Because without it, it really does feel like the kids are being called in for a lecture. And here we go again. And they hate it. They don't want to do it. And make this, obviously, this is age appropriate, right? Yeah. Some of you might want to give a doctoral dissertation. To your five -year -old. Yeah. Are still toddlers. So make it fun and tell little stories at their level. But you're always.

This is how you educate your children. You draw them up day after day to higher levels. So you're just over the years, you're just gradually drawing them upward with new ideas and new vocabulary words and new concepts. You're just drawing them up and you're inviting them to think and you're asking lots of questions and telling lots and lots of stories. I mean, think about it. Can you guys picture that in your mind? If you do a good morning devotional every morning for the...

Rachel Denning (01:03:24.046)
18 or 20 years that your kids are in your family how many stories how many quotes how many discussions how many vocabulary words how many principles and concepts and experiences you'll be able to discuss and all how the world changes and all the world events and all things happen over that 20 year period and You you're preparing their brains for them to launch and you're helping Them learn how to think that's one of the major benefits of doing this. That's one of the reasons we do it

Not only for everything else we've discussed with the family culture and all of that, but you're helping them learn how to think because going back to this idea of it being a discussion instead of a lecture and being able to rotate ideas like a chicken is that we're thinking out loud. We're discussing out loud and we're saying, oh, I wonder why people would feel this way about this topic. I wonder why they would think this. And you're actually...

helping kids to come to conclusions by walking them through and walking through the process with them of thinking about different issues. I'm chuckling a little bit because I've been around enough people that when you say, I wonder why they think like that. Because they're idiots, that's why. And that's the extent of your thinking that those people must be idiots. And so this is going to require you and I to think more. You meaning not.

you and I, Rachel, but you listener and I as well, we have to think. We have to explore. We have to really try to understand. And if you come back to that same conclusion, great, you better have a great explanation. You better have walked. Ooh, Rachel and I always talk about the labyrinth. You've better walked the whole labyrinth and seen all the different aspects and ideas and understand it. At least you conceptualize it all. And then you can come back to it and then walk your kids through that.

But these blanket black and white, like, we're the smart ones, they're the idiots. We're the good ones, they're the bad ones. They're the bad ones, they're evil, we're better. Like, that doesn't serve anyone. It doesn't help anyone. And I think especially nowadays, I mean, kids are too smart for that. Well, they always have been, I think. Yeah. I think people have always been sharp enough to catch on to these silly things. Right. They want and need more.

Rachel Denning (01:05:48.846)
They want to really understand things. They want to really understand the world. And they want to ask questions and be okay with doubting and be okay with wondering, you know, and have a place to be able to talk about that. They have to. They have to be able to sit at your kitchen table and say, I'm not so sure about this. I don't know if I believe in God or yeah.

I'm thinking maybe that it is a good lifestyle. They have to be able to open up without you reacting and freaking out and telling them all this stuff. You have to allow that so that they can work through it. Right. Where else do you want them working through it? Exactly. It has to happen at your table. What's interesting, though, at least in our experience, because we've had this open dialogue and we discussed it for so long.

Like the really ugly, hard stuff, it's never come up because we preemptively, we're so proactive about it. We're walking through all these things and all these scenarios, talking about everything under the sun. So we don't have to worry that our kids are hiding something in the corner of their minds because we're scouring every corner of the earth saying, what could be hiding in the shadows anywhere with anyone? And we get to work with people every day. And so we're bringing it up. This is this. This is that. This is this. Right, because.

Because we are really deliberate about learning from not just our own experiences, but from the experiences of others that lessons we are learning by working with people we're sharing, not in a inappropriate way. It's an anonymous way. But we're saying this was a situation and this was a circumstance and this is what happened. Like, hey, let's all learn from this.

Because this is what can happen if you do X, Y, and Z. Or this is what can happen if you go down this path. And it makes it real and relevant. Right. Because it's not just something we made up. Like, oh, you know, there was this story once. It's people and places and situations and circumstances. It's going to a communist country. Like, you know, it's real because we are touching it somehow and somewhere. And I come back and I say, I met a gentleman. And this is his life story that he told me.

Rachel Denning (01:08:16.142)
and I share the story and it's real and relevant and it's personal and they feel it. Yeah, because you feel it. You feel it and you share it with feeling and so they feel it and so it's, like you said, it's real. They can actually feel it. And then you can ask.

can we do with that knowledge? What can we learn from that? Good or bad? I mean, we tell a lot. We tell all the stories. We tell lots of great stories, and we tell lots of sad stories. Yeah, like your brother's death. And no sugarcoating with that. We talk through exactly what happened with my brother and the choices he made and the end result. And we share that. And again, feeling it. We don't like, oh, no, nobody talk about that. Nobody talk about that subject.

And again, that's another thing we've seen so often and maybe true in your homes too, listeners, like, is it okay to talk about sex in your house? Is it okay to talk about money? Is it okay to talk about politics? Is it okay to talk about religion? Is it okay to question all of those things? I mean, so many of us have these, like, what do you call those? Like you just - Sacred cows? Yeah, right. You just have these topics like, no, we don't talk about that. And I meet people all the time still and I'm like, what?

Like these families, and they'll say, we do not talk about money in our family. I'm like, what? Why not? Like your kids should know everything about money. How much you make, what do you do with it, why all this stuff? You just know all that stuff. No, I'm not, you're kidding me, I've never told my kids how blah, blah, blah. You're like, well, you're not doing them a favor. In fact, you're actually doing them a disservice because they're sitting in the dark wondering and you never bring it up so they go ask other.

people or they don't ask and so they make all these mistakes later in life or they ask and get bad information or they ask and get good information and then they just dismiss you because you never talked about it and if you don't talk about sex where are they going to go talk about sex? Google? YouTube? Their peers? If you don't talk about religion and politics in a calmed balanced

Rachel Denning (01:10:30.862)
intelligent way. We're not talking about indoctrinating your beliefs. We will be of this political party or else you'll be cast out of this family. It's none of that crap. It's like just an actual relevant conversation. And there isn't a single thing in our family that's off topic or off limits. Off limits. We're constantly off topic, but never off limits. Like, and you have to get to that place. I feel really bold about that too.

Again, these are things I used to be like, okay, whatever. I mean, no, man. If you can't talk about it at home, what's... Why are you gonna talk about it? Yeah, where do you expect them to find out? Where do you expect your kids to have a healthy relationship with money and religion and food and sex and their body and all this stuff? Like, come on, you guys are killing me. And some of you are like, well, we can't talk about it.

off. We'll fix it, man. And even if it's a point like hypocrisy, like point that out. Say, look, I've not been good at managing money. And here's the lessons I've learned by doing it wrong. Like, here's what I would do differently. So I want to just share this with you guys. Here's where I suck. Yeah. Because that actually provides, because you're being vulnerable.

It provides this space of like, it's okay to be imperfect. It's okay to talk about these things even when we're not the best at them. And point it out and say, yeah, I know this is gonna sound hypocritical because I haven't done this well, but learn like, if there's something in your life you haven't modeled well and so you can't say, hey kids, do what I've done, then say, hey kids, don't do what I did. And start there and you change.

If you need help, message me. This is what I do. Because you have to change too. You can't just keep going down the same path. Say, kids, I did this all wrong and heading down that same stupid path. But be open about it, whatever it is. And if you're uncomfortable with it, then they're going to be uncomfortable with it. I talked to so many adults that tell me, like, yeah, my parents never talked about this. They never did that. We can never bring that up. And then they're like, yeah, so I've always had this struggle around this because I didn't know.

Rachel Denning (01:12:58.062)
I've always had this issue, and it's because my parents never did this. I'm like, dad, go to parents? So I guess this is why I'm kind of pleading with you. Make this stuff available and open. Talk through it. Explore it. Allow for the doubts and questions. The perfect place to do that, or at least to create that culture of being able to do it, because some things aren't necessarily a discussion for the whole family. Right.

But if you create this culture of discussing and being open and talking about things, then that carries over into the ability to talk about it. Yeah, well, you might, they're going to feel open to have a private discussion with you later on because, oh, we talk about things. Right. And so again, just kind of to close and emphasize, it's not that you necessarily want to start out that way. It's not like you want to start out with having these big, heavy, serious discussions, right? But...

If you create the habit, the ritual, the routine of having family devotionals, family discussions, whatever you want to call them, it carries over. And you can begin doing that by, like James Clear says, and I say, making it a pleasant, happy thing. It's something that you want to do, that little hookah feeling where, you know.

I'll also make drinks for my kids. We do chocolate milk and eggnog. I make it in the blender. Or smoothies. Or smoothies. And so it's like, oh, they want to come and have the smoothie or the chocolate milk. And we get to sit around and talk and discuss. That's a great way to start it. Sometimes we'll do just that. If I don't have time to make breakfast, I'll make them some chocolate milk or some eggnog. It's healthy, by the way, guys. It's made with grass -fed milk. It's got pasture -raised eggs in it. And then it's got honey and.

That's the eggnog with the cinnamon and nutmeg and then it has chocolate powder for the chocolate milk. Just mix it up in the Vitamix and I give them that. Cacao powder to be clear. I don't want any mistakes. We're not dumping Nestle chocolate flavored trash in. And I'm on one today. Yes you are. But I'll, you know, I make something like that that they want to have. And so they want to be there. That's why I use the food. They want to be there. And then we have a good time.

Rachel Denning (01:15:23.758)
Discussing things, listening to music, and just connecting. Enjoying each other. And enjoying each other's company. So good. Yeah. OK, so start tomorrow. Right. And give it a little thought. Write down a couple ideas, and just try it. Just start working your way to be consistent. Start with five minutes. It doesn't have to be long. You don't want to make your kids sit there for an hour while you discuss all the benefits of doing your family's about shows. Exactly. Start short. OK, love it. Thanks, you guys, for listening.

Be sure to subscribe to the podcast if you haven't already and share it with friends, family, colleagues, whoever. And if you like it, go leave us a rating and review. Five stars. Love you guys. Reach out for it.

Rachel Denning (01:16:09.23)
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