#21 Never treat people this way, especially when you’re in a leadership position!

hey guys this is Greg Denning and you are in the school of awesome sauce where I share with you Amazing Stories and strategies to help you live an extraordinary

[Music] life hey my friends good morning it's uh about 4 40 in the morning getting up early this morning I love getting up early I love mornings man when when I can uh maintain a schedule that allows me to get up really early it's so awesome because there's nobody awake there's nobody awake in my house and I don't see anybody even outside that's stirring and so this is when I can get in my best uh quiet time I get in my studies my meditation affirmations like I get my my full morning routine in without any Interruption and man you start the day with power W I love it in fact I I did a whole program on that called how to totally transform your life before breakfast because I've been following a a morning ritual and routine since I was 18 um and man it has made a gigantic positive difference in my life because it's a simple formula you guys the way you start your day is usually how the day goes and then then of course how your day goes is how your life goes because life is made up of each of our days so man it's just it's fun and Powerful to get up and do your morning routine so if and this this isn't even what we're going to talk about today but I got throw this out here um that start your days the way you want to start your days um starting with peace and with Clarity and with energy like get up and turn on your energy turn on your motivation a lot of us wake up and and I'll still I'll wake up and and you just feel like G you have no motivation no Direction and so especially when you have days like that you've got to stop and intentionally set your day set your emotion like choose the emotion for the day choose the direction for the day choose your your actions and behaviors and attitudes and mindset for the day and if you do that man it changes life for you and for those around you it's it's awesome it's powerful so I wanted to talk about today something that's super important and I kind of feel a little bit of a rant coming on here so there's a little forewarning um because I've seen this again and again and again and it's it's it's something it's a big problem and it it just kind of gets if we're not careful and like super deliberate it literally can negatively affect all of us and and we're all um susceptible to this to this or should I call it like a a human malady right but we're all susceptible to this thing and it's so it's just wrong man it's just wrong and and so we have to we have to guard ourselves and protect ourselves because literally I think every one of us we're all susceptible to it and so it's something that's that important we have to be on guard and so today my goal today with this podcast episode is to put us all on high alert and I hope that I can share a story or a principle or thought today that literally changes you and me and the way we do life in regard to this particular human malady that that I can say something today or you can feel something or think something today that literally changes uh the way you approach this for the rest of your life wo now how how's that for a setup right okay so I'll do it with a story because I had had an experience recently just coming back into the United States from our trip over to Europe that reminded me of this principal so I'll tell you that story and then multiple stories and we'll dive into how important this is so we're coming back um from a trip we LED that World War II trip that I told you guys about it was incredible we ended up going through six uh different countries we went to Germany and Poland and slov vakia and Austria and the Czech Republic and Ireland and so we were coming back into the United States from Dublin Ireland and you know we had a great time in Dublin it just it was awesome the whole trip was amazing so we'd been through sixth countryes we interacted with so many different people in so many different positions and ways and and just had had a really special experience we had seen some of the wonders in the in the food in the restaurants and the castles and the architecture and and the cathedrals and and just had these incredible experiences and of course it was you know studying World War II and so we we saw so much of the abuses that came um in that war particularly from the Nazi party how they mistreated anyone that they thought was undesirable uh anyone they didn't like anyone who disagreed with them like basically was like Hey look anyone that we don't like or that doesn't agree with us we're going to we're going to abuse them and what I saw again and again and and to prepare for the trip I read I read multiple books and watched multiple documentaries and movies and you see clearly and especially there's a there's a museum in in Berlin called the tography of Terror and really it's the like the SS like which is Hitler's you know his worst his worst people man they were oh they mistreated and abused people and and it was just the this gigantic abuse of power and authority and like he just he just found and and cultivated just the worst kind of people that they just they they treated themselves and each other wonderfully well and live these luxurious lives with all the comforts you can imagine and then just would go out and abuse and murder like crazy so that's you know we're coming out of that that's the kind of mind like man this is this is gross and horrible misb Mis misuse and abuse of of power and position so we're coming back we're getting ready to leave the Dublin Airport and so we go through security right and I don't know about you guys I I don't like going through security um I understand why they do it but man come on isn't there isn't there a more effective way to do it or at least a kind way to do it um but it is a rare occasion I travel a lot and it is a very rare occasion that I meet a friendly TSA person or someone that is at least kind and helpful and considerate it's and that's sad like it's seriously sad it is it is rare and like it stands out to me the time when then I walk up and they're smiling and they're like hey good morning may I see your passport please and oh great and and then you go over and they're like hey you know be sure to you know take out the electronics and they're kind hey you having a good day where are you guys going all right you know just any kind just a smile if you could even just smile right and just be friendly about it I realize that you're doing your job and you have to get people through and you have misunderstanding and language barriers and I get it I get it but man it's it is very rare that I see someone that's kind or friendly and so we go through security and I went through security multiple times on this trip right and and it was it was okay and going through Dublin Airport security was great I mean they did a thorough job but they were they were kind of helpful it was simple and we go through so then we pick up all of our stuff put all of our you know things back on you fill all your pockets again and get redressed you know putting your belt on your coat on your jacket on your shoes on and putting all your stuff back together and then we Walk and Walk and Walk and Walk and Walk and Walk and walk walk walk all through this Airport all the way get down to the uh us pre I can't remember what they call it pre-entry or something and we get over there and guess what we have to go through security again and they literally do the exact same thing we just done exact same thing check your Bo your your boarding pass check your passport right take off your shoes and your belt and your jacket and your stuff and go through it but this time they're like mean right this is this is the next level of meanness and they're like they're like rough with you and and they they push through and I was like you got to be kidding me I'm like I'm like I literally just did this like 10 minutes ago or less and so you go back to the same exact thing and I'm like I'm in my mind I'm wondering like okay we just did this like what twice do the exact same thing twice that's that's kind of interesting so then we go as a family and uh it's my wife and I and our oldest daughter Kaa who's adopted and she's she's African-American has that beautiful brown skin and then my son Kimble and so we always as a family we always because it's a household we go up um with our passports so we're going to passports control and we walk up man and this guy was like before we even got there he was just so unhappy and unpleasant and I walk up and he's just like this this's look of utter disgust on his face and so I I you know I reach out pull out my passports and you know heaven forbid I'd stepped like up to the counter right um in front of him but he was just so infuriated that I had stepped literally like a foot too far to be in front of him because I'm never supposed to stand in front of him I'm supposed to be standing in front of his little camera and so I reach down and get out the passports I set the passports he literally like rolls his eyes and like throws back his head dramatically and then drops his head and he's like gasping like I mean I'm laughing about it now but I was like this is It's comical but it was like ridiculous he was like so bothered he's like get in front of the camera and you stand stand on the little circle with the feet I'm like okay you sorry about that you're my passports and so I set the you know we had four passports I set them out there and and four boarding passes and he's like are you guys the same household and I'm like yep we are we're a family and we get in front of the camera so I step back I get in front of the camera and I'm I'm I'm getting a little irritated like I I I'll admit right now in front of with you guys one of my weaknesses um is is with people who are unpleasant and like oh man I was like okay buddy and you know he's sitting and he's just he's just being so mean to us he was rude to me and to my wife and and he just kept he like he's operating this assumption that we are horrible people trying to threaten him and like I don't know if he was like he just suspects that everyone walking across is some kind of threat to him and to National Security but he was just so rude I'm and and so those of you who know may not listen like I'm a US citizen we have US passports and you know like we we' been on a I've been leading U families from United States on this wonderful World War II History tour so we can all be better people and be kinder and learn how to treat people with kindness and there I'm standing in line and this guy is just totally abusing his position and his so-called Authority and and like he just was just so upset and then he noticed that I was irritated and he's like you're you're irritated I'm like I'm okay man he's like no I can tell you're just you're just irritated what's your problem you know what's wrong what's going on here he just and then he just kept pushing it how you're not from the same household and I'm like we're from the same household man and then he just he was just pushing he just was so mean and then he he'd gone through my passport and my um barding pass and my son's also so we there was of us he'd done the two of us and so he and I we to cleared to clear some space so that my wife and my daughter could stand in front of the camera we scooted over about two feet just to clear little space I moved my bags over and he got like he got a rate again like we were trying to escape after after he had already done our passports and our stuff like we done we I had him in my hand he's like don't do where you going get back here what are you doing he just oh man he was so he was so unpleasant and the poor guy you know maybe he was having a bad day but my intuition is I don't think so I think he's having a bad life um but he oh man and and so I walked away from that it's like ah come on come on why does it have to be like that and and it reminded me so again people well and again here we're going to I'm going just sneak ahead of the principal real quick if you if you wear uniform or you have a badge or any other position where you have some kind of influence or authority or power some kind of control like it it is a moral obligation like you have to be kind and considerate but too often the opposite is true people get some kind of title or some kind of POS position you put on a uniform or a badge or something and it I don't know what it is like about humans that's why I called it initially called it a human malady like it just gets in our heads that we have some kind of power control over other people and we start to misuse and abuse it right and and you know I could not have said anything to this guy had I said anything like they I'm afraid he would have detained me and like like like prevented me from getting back in the United States and made me miss my flight and cuz you can't you can't say Sir could you just be a little Kinder a little more considerate like maybe you're having a bad day man but like you don't need to mistreat people like this you you can't say that to that guy right holy cow um and and and it came on my radar even years ago I'll tell another story here I got a couple more stories about this um we were crossing into the UK and we were driving ding in so we've been driving all around Europe and I've been in Europe for a while and we're driving um driving our vehicle getting on the ferry that goes across the English Channel into the UK and we get there and the the border patrol woman looks soon as she sees my passport she just gets this Edge man and just starts interrogating like everything Where Have You Been why were you there what were you doing where have you been in the last 6 months what are you blah blah blah blah blah and just she literally was trying to come up with every question imaginable like what did you eat what I mean just like what was your childhood like I mean just going on on like this is crazy and she was going on and then she was asking me about my work right and and this this question is hard for a lot of people because they don't understand you know I don't have a conventional work I speak and I you know present I I'm teaching teach in and coaching and mentoring um but but a lot of people who live in like the conventional space with you know either you have this job you do something right um they don't understand that and and often I'm like I'm I'm just kind of I'm trying to explain to people what I do and they're like huh and this lady was like that and I said so I was like okay well the simplest thing I tell her is like I'm a teacher and so I was like well I'm a teacher I teach people and she's like what do you mean how can you be a teacher you know how long you to been here and we were we were going into the UK for several weeks and we were driving in so she's like we need your flights out and I'm like well I'm I'm driving in and so I'm going to drive back out so I'm not going to like drive in and fly out and she's like well you can't go in without return flights I'm like well I'm driving in I'm going to drive back out like I'm driving across the border and then she's like well you're going to try to you're going to try to get a job here and and I'm like no I I teach online it's it's like what do you mean you teach online that's that's not that doesn't exist and she and I'm like no like I teach people like that we we have these online classes and we meet and we teach and she she turns to other workers she like you ever heard of that she's like no I've never heard of that and she turns back she's like that doesn't exist you're lying to me and she's going off like oh man she was just she literally was like no that's a lie that that does not exist I've never heard of that before you're you're trying to deceive me here what are you what are you doing and anyway she ends up detaining us for like 3 hours just interrogating we missed our fairy we had to then you know book another Fair wa late I mean it was crazy and and I was like and and I'm like why why are you doing this and then she just looks at me she says I'm returning the favor because she's like whenever I go over to try to go in the US I get interrogated and mistreated and abused and I'm just returning the favor you're welcome and I was like

oh oh man and and like we we were like okay whatever we we kept our cool the whole time like okay you know she's having a rough go of it and we and we miss her whatever um and I you know we totally laugh about it now afterwards because especially because of this she had never heard of anything online working but but anyways I just tell those stories and we've had other experiences like that I had one at the the border of Hungary where I could literally see the commotion up front and like three cars in front I was like what is going on and there's this border patrol guy there just yelling at everyone some dude in the other line got out of his car he starts screaming at him to get back in his car he's just he's walking around every car just ranting and raving and yelling at the driver and in my mind I'm like man that driver must have done something really wrong then the next car the car in front of me same thing guy walks around the car ranting raving yelling at the driver I'm like what is the deal and I'm like okay I'm going to be super cool and friendly with this guy I'm going to smooth things out here it'll be nice I get up there I roll down my window he starts ranting and raving and yelling at me walking around my car I get out and he's just going off on and on on how he doesn't like my car he doesn't like the tires and I I had this trailer and he's like I hate your trailer you can't bring this trailer and and he just like he was looking for anything anyways we got turned around we couldn't get into the hungry because of that guy he just would like no I'm never letting you into my country y your your car and I had like my dream car it was a Land Rover Defender um and and he and he was just he did he just didn't like it and he didn't like the trailer he didn't like us and so he turned us away and I went over to the other border control people and they literally just had their heads down and they just you know look up and this is all in broken English that he's just yelling at me and say all this stuff and they were just like I'm so sorry I'm so sorry they're like we would have we would we would let you in no problem you're so welcome to our country we're so sorry we're so sorry he's doing that he just does that to everybody and like they're just deeply apologizing for this guy who's on this super like ego trip so I'm like what I do and they're like well there's another border just 15 minutes that way go over there and we went over there went right in no problem no issues and had a great time in Hungary but those stories just illustrate the principal so here's the principal guys every one of us I think has um a position of Authority or power we all have some kind of influence over other people and whether that's you know in your church because we've I've seen that in the church um I go to church and you see church leaders just same thing abusing the title or the position or the authority I've seen it in nonprofit organizations that I've worked with somebody gets into a position that they think is Authority or powerful and they want they want to have control and they totally abuse it and mistreat their volunteers and mistreat their other workers and mistreat even mistreat the people they're serving and I've seen it in businesses of course uh one of the greatest dangers of a management position is exactly that that they actually trying to manage instead of lead so if you're ever in a management position remember you guys we manage things not people we lead people we manage things we lead people but one of the the greatest dangers there of a management position is trying to manage people and it's the iconic right it's a it's the story from the office and the story that we hear again and again and again all the jokes and all the stories about about these managers these nightmare managers that are trying to control and manipulate people instead of trying to lead them and work with them and we even see it in family am my friends even in families where I've observed many many many parents do the same thing they misuse and abuse their power and influence as a parent um they say they say things like because I say so that's why right you're like no don't don't say that no oh and and we misuse it and abuse it now again like I like I started in the beginning we are all susceptible to this every one of us I don't know what it is we like you know you've been given a position and maybe you've experienced this I'm sure with other people and maybe even yourself when you when you get in some kind of position of Authority or whatever power it's if you're not super careful intentional it just gets into your head and you get this spot of like I get to tell people what to do and like if they don't do what I think then I'm gonna I'm going to make their lives miserable right and so I wanted to share this principle that for you and for me and anytime we have a position of influence or power whether that comes from being well known whether that comes from being wealthy whether that comes from a position or a title you become the president or the CEO or you're leading some kind of organization you get called to be a pastor or a bishop or a leader in any way or you know you you start or work with a a nonprofit or any kind of organization you're the the chair of your choir or band or uh your your hobby Group whatever it is anything then especially in those moments you and I have a responsibility and an obligation to be extra kind you with me like to be to go like above and beyond in kindness in gentleness in empathy and some of you right now be like yeah but I work with Knuckleheads and and I'm trying to tell you know people are idiots right and and it's easy my friends and this here's the warning and here's the danger it's easy to kind of take on this attitude and think that everybody else is an idiot and you're not you're the only one who gets it right and and and honestly you know people do make mistakes like um I think it was Einstein who said you know one of the the greatest certainties in the world is human stupidity right that's that's one thing that's for sure is that we all as human beings have idiot syres as as somebody one time says we have these idiot syncrasy right and I get it I get it that that we're we work with people and working with people's hard but that's why we have to be better that's precisely why we have to be patient and we have to be kind and we have to be considerate and we have to remember where they're coming from right and that circles back to exactly what we're talking about today even the people who are misusing and abusing their powers we have to remember where they're coming from maybe they had really rough childhood maybe they were abused maybe they were mistreated maybe they're just turning around and doing what they they think that's the only way to get things done and I want to emphasize today that you know physical force is like the lowest lowest form of influence and then but any kind of of abuse like that you know trying to throw around your weight or your your Authority or your position or your contacts or you know any kind of move like that right is is the lowest form of influence and the greatest form of influence is kindness and patience and you using your words to try to uh persuade gently persuade people right and if if you guys haven't read or reread uh How to Win Friends and Influence People man go through that book again and again and again just just reread that and and study books get books about how to interact with people how to lead people study leadership all the time I I've been setting leadership for years and I love it I love setting leadership and and how to lead people and how to persuade people and how to um get along with people especially people who are hard to get along with and if you ever work with people that are difficult like it's an extra effort from you an extra responsibility to try to work with them in a kind way and so that that's my big message today because you and I we've experienced it again and again and maybe we've even been guilty of it where we've had positions and we've kind of used it to our advantage um or used it to kind of get what we want or get people to do what we want them to do and so as you come along in life my friends as parents as Leaders um with any kind of opportunity you have to be like a a a control spot right a you're in any kind of position of influence will you please with me be incredibly intentional and deliberate to be unfailingly kind kind to go out of your way like literally make this extra effort go out of your way to make people feel understood and seen like think think about think how many people go through life they don't feel like they're they don't feel like they're seen they don't feel like they're acknowledged they don't feel like anyone cares about them or loves them they don't feel understood and if you have that opportunity like as an employer or uh you know you're leading some organization somehow some way like go out of your way to make sure that people feel understood they feel valued they feel like you see them you acknowledge them and you're there to serve them and help them those are those are the best leaders hands down those are the best leaders and the most influential people you think of the greats like uh Gandhi and Mother Teresa and the way they LED with so much compassion and consideration for the people in their influence and I want to encourage you with me to go on this journey to like really have to activate this and before we go into the situation before we if you wear a uniform before you put on that uniform before you pick up that badge if you have a title like every time you walk into your office you you're on your way to work or you're going into this organization you're part of and you have a title or position there like every time before you go you're okay I'm going in here in this in this position of authority I have to be a servant leader I have to serve the people I'm here to help them right I'm here to like make them feel better and and one time I heard deepo Scher say that his his mission and his purpose in life is to help every single person that he interacts with to feel happier because of their interaction with him like what wow what a what a beautiful thing what a great Mission what a great purpose and we can do that same thing and especially I think we have to do that same thing if whatever your position is as a parent like how can I persuade these children and not just tell them they have to do it because I say so right none of that stuff or or or oh any kind of verbal or physical abuse like no way that stuff just doesn't fly like we're going to use persuasion we're going to make sure there valued and understood and think think what will happen like let me let me ask that question how will things change for you if you treat the people and and I was about to say the people under you and and I realized that like in organizational hierarchies and things like it it seems like they are under you but please don't see people as under you may I think that's part of the biggest problem is you literally start to see people as objects or to see them as under you and I want to submit here that there no human being is under you or under me like like CS Lewis says you never you never interact with a mere mortal he's like you you are every time you interact with another human being you are interacting with he what he said as as an immortal being who's you know gonna one day be in heaven with glory and power and greatness being like God right that was that was CS leis saying you're never interacting with a mere mortal and it's hard to remember that because sometimes people are Knuckleheads and you don't see a whole lot of Glory from their current behavior and attitudes but we have to remember like the big picture you're never interacting with just a mere mortal like every time you're interacting with a human being even a child especially a child you guys we we've got to remember to treat them with so much respect so will you do that with me think how will that change how will that change your interaction with others how will that change your organization how will that change you if you are just incredibly respectful and compassionate understanding and loving and kind and persuasive how will that change things for the people you work with and for you and for your organization I know that it will have a gigantic positive impact so so will you make that commitment with me let's let's like right now this minute before we end this podcast let's make a lifelong commitment to each other and to God and the universe and the world like whenever I have any kind of influence I'm going to try as hard as I can to make sure that influence is so like okay oh I got to share this it's uh eso's Fable of the north wind wind in the sun right you guys familiar with this one where there's a guy walking along with his coat on and The North Wind says to the sun like let's have a little bit of a challenge here let's see which one of us can get this guy's coat off and okay so the north wind starts and he just blows and blows and blows and blows and the guy grabs his coat and holds onto his coat Tighter and Tighter and and you know grips onto it and the stronger the North Wind Blows the more the man holds on to his coat and The North Wind Blows until exhaustion and the man just holds onto his coat Tighter and Tighter and Tighter and then the sun says well it's my turn and he just brings out a little bit of warm sunshine and the guy unzips his coat and he he gives a little bit more and then he ends up taking off his coat and I love that Fable because it illustrates exactly what we're talking about here that many of us in a in a position or a title or some kind of authority we think we have we just try to blow and blow and blow when it's just gentle persuasion if we just and maybe have that image may maybe even put that up in your workplace a beautiful picture of a sunshine or something of of a sunset or a sunrise or a picture of a sun or something just have that imagery every time you're interacting with someone under your influence that you just see the sunshine just this warm light of sunshine it's gentle persuasion gets so much more done in an effective way it doesn't re ruin the relationships and doesn't get people to despise you and hate you and and you know say horrible things behind your back and that all the others are just like oh why is that person that way right um in fact one of the things in in My Philosophy Journal that I wrote in there um years ago was was the question in every position and in every time like how will people remember me that's in My Philosophy journal and I read that uh very often like in every position I'm in in every time period how will they remember me so right now in life how will my children my kids range from 16 to two how will they remember me during this time is am I being a nagging father am I being a neglectful father am I always gone when I'm with them am I am I really with them or I'm just kind of there but not really there you you get what I'm saying and and whenever whatever work I'm doing how will they remember you during this time and that's that's a powerful question and holding the image of the sun is is is a powerful way to look at look at our influence let's let's influence people just like gentle sunshine and I know it's hard sometimes you think well no the only way I can get it done is if I force it and I think a lot of people that with uniforms and badges they think like that the only way I'm going to get my job done is if I force people people to do it and I'm I'm rough and man just in the last week I've heard like three or four different scenarios of athletic coaches uh one was a coach for oh I can't even remember what it was like it was volleyball or and track or whatever and literally I was interacting with people and they're like this is what my coach says and does and this is how they treat us and like screaming and yelling and belittling them telling them they're nothing they stink they can't do it and and and that's a great example right there you know you have these coaches and you you'll see coaches that are just gentle and loving and affirming and praising their athletes telling them that that you know come on you didn't do that quite right I'm going to I'm going to be straight with you I'm going to be honest you didn't do that well enough and I know you have better and you and I'm going to hold you to it you're going to keep doing that till you get it right because I know you can you can do that versus you're terrible you stink you're nothing and screaming yelling and belittling them thinking that that's going to get the result and what a what a huge contrast don't be that one you guys don't don't be that person so let's let's commit to this all of us together to be the leadership remember we don't manage people we manage things and we're leading if you have any kind of authority position you're a leader even even if you are working with criminals even if and I've I've met people like this I I know soldiers and police officers who are gentle and kind and considerate even with criminals they understand that they try to understand that criminal story that the the reason they're doing those things they have a story they have they have a story from their own struggling their own hurt then they realize that and they're still human beings even if they're committing you know terrible things they're still human beings right wow that takes that takes a lot of understanding so let's be like that you guys because uh like I always say awesome is always an option even in those situations and in every situation where you have Authority or position or power influence awesome is always an option reach

uper hey everybody thanks so much for listening to this episode I hope you got a lot of value out of it and found some things that you can apply to your life right away hey I'm I'm being totally sincere when I say I I live to help you live your extraordinary life so I hope you'll reach out to me if you have any questions or let me know how I can help you in any important area of your life and in fact you know this this podcast is brought to you by the school of awesome sauce monthly coaching program take advantage of that get in there if it's the best way to get a breakthrough to the next level so you can level up your your health your spirituality your emotions your mind your relationships your finances business every part of your life just get in there where you have a a coach and a mentor you have a supportive Community to make things happen so so jump in there take advantage this try it out get in there with us and level up your life see you on the inside reach upward [Music]