#258 How to Prevent & Manage Overwhelm as a Parent of Young (or Old) Kids, While Pursuing BIG Dreams & Goals

Rachel Denning (00:10.798)
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the extraordinary family life podcast. We're your host, Gregory Rachel Denney. We're sitting here in our home studio. I love it. Okay. You love that we have a home studio. I love having a home studio, but I love the studio. And I want to use that as a little side note tangent before diving into the topic. Make sure you create spaces that you love to be in. And I would say like a little home office, living room area.

and your bedroom or the primary ones like make those spaces so inviting so and inspiring not like like, I have the most comfortable couch in the world. I never want to get off of it. That's that's that's self sabotage. But when we come into our studio, and we sit down in our nice chairs and the nice table we have here, and the decorations and the horse like it's inspiring. And it's it's I've associated it with.

doing great work. Right. Well, and I think that that is actually especially relevant for today's topic because we're going to talk about moms and overwhelm. Cause dads don't get overwhelmed. Never. It's not this dad. Just kidding. I know you do feel pressure as well. I don't, I don't get overwhelmed. We'll get into that. But I think that it is very important for moms because I know it's true for me and I've had many, many moms tell me,

that the level of their stress and overwhelm is directly connected to the order or lack of order in their environment. So having a place, even one space that's at least in order. You can go to that happy place. Yeah, you can go to your happy place, man. That's helpful as we're going to talk about overcoming and dealing with overwhelm today. So yeah, that's it. It's very relevant. So, and,

in this topic, ironically, you're like, I already have so much to do. Now you're telling me to make a space beautiful. Yeah, we are. I think this is one of the most important things you can do is create some spaces that are just they feel fantastic. You can change the energy of a room, of a place, which then affects your own energy. Exactly. And yeah, it's just it's amazing. Not just energy levels, but like peaceful energy. Yep.

Rachel Denning (02:33.774)
So yeah, so yeah, let's talk about all that, but let's, was there something else you wanted to say? We're here in our space in Portugal, our new home base, the Whart's School Family Resort. And dealing with insane amounts of work. So that's why it's actually funny because I got two different questions this week about dealing with overwhelm. And this last week has been one of my most overwhelming weeks in a very long time, for good reason.

which we'll talk about, but I kind of was like, wow, yeah, this is relevant and also something I am currently dealing with. So it's very, we're gonna talk about some good things today that are relevant for all of us, I think. Okay, I'm gonna start with this question here. Thanks for the episode that she's referring to one of the recent episodes we did that was talking about how to become more capable.

so that you can achieve and create your extraordinary family life. Which is still, and if you haven't listened to that episode or if you haven't, just re -listen to it or listen to it, that is one of the answers to facing overwhelm. Okay, so she continues. I wanted to get in touch to ask if you could share any advice for when your kids were younger and babies. I run a food business and recently had my first baby. I'm struggling to manage the disparity between my big ambitions for my family.

and my reality. I want to make, I want to be more capable. I want to take my business to the next level, which includes raising investment. I want to keep exercising and doing my favorite sports. I hate that my home is not organized and there's clutter around. I just don't know how to achieve all of this and I can't seem to find the time or the energy. Right now, my partner is at home full time looking for work and is incredibly helpful both in the home and in caring for our daughter.

But still, I am not able to balance all of these things. The two that have slipped back are exercising in my home, not being in great order, and I'm barely keeping up at work. I sometimes would love to have a big family, and you've really inspired me that this is possible. I've always thought about adoption. But then sometimes I think, I can't even manage with one. How could I possibly manage more kids? I truly appreciate it if you could share any advice.

Rachel Denning (04:59.822)
or discuss this on a podcast as there are so many young moms today struggling to manage the demands of modern day life, juggling work with younger kids and babies. I love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Okay. The word disparity really stood out to me. There, there is, there's a disparity between what we want and where we are. Yes. And that's an important, it's a really important identification is an important awareness. And in some ways true for

all of us every time we want to level up. Anytime we want to say, you know what, I want to go to another level of life. We have to stop and say, Ooh, look, look at the gap. Look at the disparity between where I am and where I want to go. I think that's a hundred percent true. In fact, I think it's not even possible without that. Like if you don't notice that disparity, it's like, I love the Google maps analogy because it's so relevant to me. If you don't know where you are and where you want to go, you can't get there. Google can't map a route.

because it has to have those two pieces of information and that's the exact same truth for our lives. We have to realize that where we currently are is not where we want to be. We want to be somewhere different. And that journey requires us first saying, I'm not okay with how things are right now. And that's okay, that's a good thing. That's a positive thing. Especially because it's a little uncomfortable, but where there's pain, there's power. And I love that she put that in there.

I hate that my house is unorganized. Right. I hate it too. It's good. When my house is unorganized. yeah. Our place is a disaster right now. Inside and out because we are... All 17 veterans. We are tackling a huge overwhelming project. So in a very real way, we can relate to all of this. Right. So I think it's, I don't even know if I've said this or not already because Greg and I were sitting here recording and realized that...

27 minutes of our recording did not get recorded but I think it's very relevant that we're talking about this message right now because we are personally right in the midst of it. We are in the midst of facing overwhelm.

Rachel Denning (07:12.59)
But it's also, to me, it's also a sign that we're on the right path. Because you can't spend your life trying to avoid overwhelm or trying to prevent all overwhelm. There is some overwhelm you can and should prevent because you need to be staying in this right balance. But if you are pursuing an extraordinary family life, it will necessarily...

include and in fact require levels of overwhelm because the only way or or pressure That's the word you prefer to yeah, I like because I like pressure and coach my guys like we pressure for breakfast But I don't feel overwhelmed Like that doesn't happen to me. And so when I when you say that Basically, you're gonna get you're gonna bump up and this journey of having an extraordinary time in life You are gonna bump up against some pressure

If you are pursuing dreams and goals, yes. You're going to get right to the edge of feeling overwhelmed, but you don't want to fall into it to get crushed by it. But you also don't want to be pulled back and be like, well, I just want to have ambitions or dreams because it's too overwhelming. Right. And I think for me, it works a little differently and that's probably related to my hormonal cycle and everything. You know, if you want to know more about that, they should listen to your podcast episode with Dr. Patrick Flynn.

about women and their hormones. And so - That's on the Be The Man podcast. Yeah, Be The Man podcast. There are definitely times of the month when I can be crushed by overwhelm. Now, the way, one of the ways I've been able to manage that is first of all, recognizing that that's a cycle. Because I know early on in my life - And it's not monthly, it's weekly, this little side note. Well, the overwhelmed part may only be -

monthly, but the cycle, like, yeah, you have different hormonal cycles every single week, basically. Earlier on in our life, I remember feeling, and I'm sure you remember these times because, you know, these are the times when your wife was like - They're memorable. I remember feeling literally crushed by the overwhelm, so much to the point where it made me, it essentially made me question everything. It made me fatalistic, feeling like -

Rachel Denning (09:34.83)
My entire life is pointless and hopeless. That's how overwhelmed I feel now. Just as a word of caution, do not make big decisions during that week. So that is that is something I've learned. I no longer make big decisions or in fact believe all of my thoughts and feelings when that happens. I've learned to be very wary of it. Now it doesn't mean that I don't acknowledge my feelings.

but I realized that, wait, this is temporary. Next week, I won't feel like this. And I'm not gonna make any big decisions right now when I'm in this state where it used to be the opposite. I think it used to be, I would go into this.

Rachel Denning (10:20.066)
survival mode, thinking the world is crashing in on us. And we, because of that, and because of my strong emotions, we would make decisions of like, I guess we better do this and do something totally different or give up or whatever, because I would be so overwhelmed by whatever it was we were pursuing. Now I know it's different. Now I have the framework of understanding what's happening of like, okay, my period's coming this week. I'm feeling overwhelmed.

Understandably by the huge project we've taken on But instead of saying we're not supposed to do this. We did let's sell it What have we done? It's a huge mistake. I never said any of that this week. I've learned Instead I just learned okay. What can I do to manage and make it through? This week because I know next week I'll be feeling a lot more productive and a lot more hopeful about accomplishing the 10 ,000 tasks I have to do and I

you know, we'll keep moving forward. Now part of the reason I'm able to do that, besides having that framework of understanding that that's a cycle that happens, right? And it's okay. The other big thing I really want to talk about is clarity. When you have clarity about what it is you're pursuing and why, and that it's the right thing, which takes practice to get to that, because I know I didn't always have that much clarity, but over time I've learned to really trust that.

I have no doubt in my mind that we're on the right path, that this is where we are supposed to be right now, even though it's not something I would have ever imagined. I would have never thought I'm gonna be buying a hostel and running this, you know. Trying to get into a resort. World School Family Resort. I never thought that would actually be something we would do, but when the opportunity presented itself, I knew, yeah, this is the right path. So having that certainty and that clarity about it.

Even in the midst of all the overwhelm...

Rachel Denning (12:19.982)
I still know I'm on the right path, it's the right thing, and we will figure out how to make it happen. Like I have that certainty, right? Even though it still can feel, maybe crushing is the right word, at least temporarily crushing, based on the simple math of all of the things that have to be done. Does that make sense? Hopefully it's making some sense to people, like that there's, there are,

There's two different clear things here. One, understanding the cycle of hormones, which contribute to overwhelm. I think they definitely do, especially if you've taken on big projects. And then two, having that clarity about being on the right path with a project helps me know that even though it's overwhelming, we'll get through it and we'll find a solution. Those, I think, are very important pieces.

I want to share another mindset that I think is extremely helpful. And it's this idea of, okay, we're on the right path. We're pursuing things in a great way, because it's easy to get off path. And we're doing the wrong thing. And we're saying yes to things we shouldn't have said yes to. So say no more often, ladies and gentlemen. Just the whole campaign, we were kids for drugs, just say no.

Just say no say no more often if it's not aligned with your mission and goals and dreams Which when you have when you have clarity that helps yep because when you have that clarity like for us It's so easy for us to say no to certain things because we're like that doesn't fit with our mission and goals so no now that being said there can still be a Super abundance of things that you have to do in order to reach the things that are your priorities you can say

Why do I have my priorities clear? It's my marriage, it's my parenting, it's my finances, it's my extraordinary family life. And still I feel overwhelmed because of all of the things I have to do. And that's where that second, this mindset is I want to share right there. So you cut it back to the essentials and then there, instead of just saying, there's so much that I can't do it all, which is kind of the survival brand. I can't do it. I can't fit it all in. It's too much.

Rachel Denning (14:44.11)
You just stop and you say, okay, what can I do to make this work? How can I do this? It's like the money question we always talk about. You're like, I could never afford that. And that's, that's where they stop. there's no way I could do that. And instead we say, well, so I'm just switching the question a little bit. How could I, how could I afford that? How could I make that possible? Yeah. And you're doing the same thing here. Like, all right, there's a lot of good things we got to do here. So right now we're in the middle of it with this resort.

tons to do. And you stop and say, Okay, what can we do to be more strategic? I don't know how to emphasize this enough. The vast majority of human beings, you listener included, just simply are not strategic enough. We're just not being strategic enough. And so we stop and say we have all this stuff to do without neglecting our health, like exercising and sports and things we enjoy, like she said in the question, and keeping our house clean.

and the essentials, the core essentials, how can we get more done without doing it? And so I want to share some specific examples, I think they're going to be helpful because you get down to those things that are non -negotiable, like exercise. That's one thing, like taking care of your body should never, ever, ever, ever be neglected. If you want to be capable, you want to get things done, take care of your body because it's the only vehicle you have to get things done.

I think I want to interject for a minute before you get to what you're going to say because I think it's important for people to understand when we're saying these things. We are not.

expecting perfection from ourselves or from them. When you say your body should not be neglected and you should be actually, we're not talking about you're getting in this perfect 30 minute workout every single day. That's what I'm gonna go into. Okay, we're talking about you're doing the bare minimum to make sure that that still happens, if that makes sense. So it's an adjusted schedule or routine or.

Rachel Denning (16:51.822)
strategy. Well, that's what it's a strategy in a system and it's adjusted to to compensate for the increased number of things and the chaos. Now, this cannot be like chronic. Yes, if that's three years from now, we're still doing another episode about things are crazy. You just gotta you know, adjust your schedule. You know, that's different. Yeah, you're right. That's a real chronic problem. This is an acute problem. And I think that that's actually something we're really good at.

Like, we make exceptions to our rules, but we're really good at making sure it's temporary. So, you know, we will go through periods of time where things are, they don't look like our normal routine, but we don't make that last for, I don't think it's ever lasted a year. No, it's rare, it's rare if we didn't go to month because we get so intense about making it right. Like we're in crazy mode right now, but we literally have a

deadline to get it done because we're going to Mongolia and Kazakhstan. So we have to have everything done in order to get out of here and functioning all the systems in place. Like we know it's a temporary deadline. Plus we don't operate. Nobody operates well outside of good systems. No, we don't. I have been, we just did some episodes about ADHD and I have been joking with Greg, not even joking, like serious. I have ADHD right now. It's terrible, right?

because I'm forgetting things all the time and I'm leaving on the water and I'm doing this, I left the stove on and like we're setting off the fire alarm practically every time we cook, which partly is because of the crappy systems here. But like all of these things are happening that usually never happened to us because we were usually so dialed in with our systems or routines or strategies that I pretty much feel like we have things, our life under control. Right now it is out of control.

and I have extreme quote unquote ADHD because I like to use that because I think it's really, like we talked about in our episode, it's just part of being human. It's part of being human when your life is in chaos. Yeah, when there's too much chaos. When you bring order, those quote symptoms go away. What's also interesting is how much Rachel loves control. yes I do.

Rachel Denning (19:16.014)
how this scenario, this time in our life is very out of control. Okay, but here, let me give you some examples. And this will be very helpful to those of you who are feeling the lack of control and the chaos and awesome mom that asked the question of like, well, I still want to exercise. I still want to do my sports. I still want to keep my house clean. And I have a baby and babies could care less about any of your agenda or items or plans. So that's a good reminder that babies don't care.

And you can't, you can't talk to a baby or a toddler and be like, okay, now this meeting is very important. Or I'm going to do my workout. So you have to figure out, and we had to do this too with seven kids, lots of little ones together and traveling. You guys, we, we had the chaos and we have it now. So we're like, okay, what do I do? And this is how I go through my mind. So I'm going to walk through what I do in my mind to manage chaos. So I go out, we have this huge room that was just a storage room and it's just been a mess for years.

It was literally filled with rats and just tons of garbage. So I could spend an entire week, just absolute dedicated week getting that thing fixed up. But that means I neglect everything else, including my health and my marriage and my kids and my work and all the other things that have to be done in this property. So I can't do that. Nor can I even actually, we got so much going on. I can't even give it a full day. I'm like, you know, I'm going to go in there. I'm gonna spend the entire day where I can't do that right now.

because we've got so much going on. So what do I do? And this, you guys, this is how I prevent myself from being overwhelmed. I feel pressure. I love pressure. I perform better under pressure. I eat pressure for breakfast and a little extra for dessert. I like the pressure. With some steak and eggs. With some steak and eggs, baby. So I go in there and I'm like, I'm going to go in there. It's just this chaotic, disgusting space. And I'm going to clear out.

seven feet. And right now we have we have about 10 feet available. And so I go in there and I'm like, I'm still gonna work out. No excuses. And I had to learn this when we started traveling. When our kids were really young, we were traveling, no more access to the gym. And I had you know, I had stayed in shape and everything because I had I had a gym membership and I had all this nice stuff. And we started traveling like great, now I'm going to get out of shape and have a dad bought.

Rachel Denning (21:42.414)
And after a couple weeks, I was like, no, that is absolutely unacceptable. I'm going to figure it out. Again, the same question we addressed earlier. Like instead of just throwing in the towel, like, great. Now I don't have a gym membership. I can't stay in shape. How can I? So I figured it out. So now I was just in there with my daughter, who's 17. She and I got a crazy hard workout in. In your midst. Yeah. I think the rats are gone now because we cleared out so much crap, but it's still a mess down there. But.

in this tiny mess. And you know, she and I had to be like, it was inconvenient. She's doing the splits right next to where I'm doing pushups. And then we had to switch around and I'm like, I'm going to use these. And she has to like go over here. Like we're making space, but here's, here's the, here's the magic sauce that I want to share. I'm cranking out intense sets. And right as I'm done with that set, like I go to muscle failure right as I'm done with that set, you know, I'm doing cleaning up. I'm sweeping.

I'm moving things around and I'm doing it fast because I don't want to compromise my workout, but I'm doing it simultaneously. So I'm moving all the stuff around and I go back over and I do the next exercise, get that set done, go to failure and then pop right up and move some more stuff and organize this and throw this away and get that going. And so while I'm actually having a great workout, I'm cleaning up. So every day when I go into the gym to work out, the gym gets better and now my workouts get better.

and the space gets cleaner and things start happening. And within a couple of weeks, our gym is going to be legit. And during those two weeks, I'll have gotten in five to six solid workouts every week. Right. No, I think that's a, that is a good strategy that we consistently use where we are great about making incremental progress. And I think too often people,

They look at something like that and they feel like it's a huge project and it's going to take forever. It's all or nothing. Yeah, it's an all or nothing thing. And so they avoid it rather than we're very good at identifying the very next action, action step. What is the next action step to make this place a little bit better? I was literally doing that in my breaks. Yeah. I would stand up from doing my pushups and say, what's next? And I'm like, I can grab that thing and move it over here. Exactly.

Rachel Denning (24:05.774)
And so we're good at making quick decisions like that. We can look at something and be like, well that needs this thing, or that needs to go in the trash, or this needs that. And I'll get on, I'll even get on my phone, I'll be like, this needs to be hung. So I need a hook. And so I get on Amazon, my next step is I order it on Amazon. So then it'll be sent. And then when it arrives, I'm like, you know, so we're so good at just identifying the next step and taking that even though it's very small. And it's not that the whole room is done now.

but that each time we go to that place, we just take a few little action steps to make it a little bit better. And I think that's essentially the approach we're taking that everywhere we go, you know, when I get up in the morning, I make my bed, but I'm also like, what's the next thing I can do to make our room one bit cleaner, right? Right now I'm waiting for the mold in the drawers to dissipate, or now I'm like, I guess I need some bleach or something, so that then we can put the glows away in the drawer.

It's one thing at a time, one step at a time, little by little. And this isn't something that has to be monumental, but it does require you, instead of having this defeatist mindset of like, it's too big, I don't know what to do, of being like, okay, what is the next little thing I can do? And we have, I've talked to so many people that, and we used to do this. We'd have these rules in our head. Like, there's no way I can work.

So if that, if I had stuck to my rule - I kind of have those rules, like I can't work out there. So Rachel, she won't even come out. So I have my own little spot. But if I stuck to that rule, I'm like, there's no way I can work out there. Then I literally would not get a workout for months. If your rule was I have to work out there, but I can't work out there until it's done. Right. Now you also wouldn't have that rule because if you decided you couldn't work out in there because there was a rat crawling on you or something.

you would then just work out on the yard. Like you would still do something different. The point is because you're flexible with the rules. My priority is that I work out. I get a workout in. Now if that, I guess here's an important principle that applies to all of this stuff. My priority is I'm going to get a great workout in no matter the conditions. I don't care what the conditions are. I'm going to get a great workout in that allows me to be flexible and to adapt and

Rachel Denning (26:26.414)
to be gritty and get things done. So now I'm like, I'm going to get a great workout in and I'm going to get my gym better. So I do it simultaneously in the same space. So now I've capitalized and you guys, Rachel and I have become so much more productive and effective. We get things done because we hustle and make quick decisions. We're intense, take small actions. So, so things.

Things happen like so amidst among all our businesses and seven kids and tons of travel and this huge project, we get things done. And this is how we do it. And in all that while also managing it so that we're not stress cases, and not, you know, having explosive emotions and meltdowns and the kids, the kids are there. They're like, this is a great life. The kids aren't being neglected. They aren't feeling neglected. They're not.

Like, boy, mom and dad are just an absolute disaster zone mess. Like, don't talk to them, don't ask them for anything, don't go around them because they have this big project, which happens to, in a lot of good families, they're not managing it. And so the kids hate it. But our kids, they're loving it. They're having a great old time, right? Because we're finding strategies, simple strategies, to manage the overwhelm and the tasks. One tiny little task at a time, I guess, is part of the point.

And I also want to emphasize this, because I know we mentioned it in the part that didn't get recorded, but I think it's important. If you guys look at our logo, it's a circle of interlocking colors. And each of those kind of represent like this holistic approach to life, that we have a focus on all of the things, the parenting, the marriage, the health and fitness, the finances, like all of it's included in there. But if you take that circle and turn it into a wheel,

and you have that wheel roll along the ground, only one color of the wheel can touch the ground at a time. There's only one color at a time where the rubber hits the road. That's where you put your focus and attention. When that part of the wheel's on the ground, that's where you're at. You're focusing on that thing. And we're able to do that throughout each day and throughout each week, and then of course throughout each month, that when that thing, so when it's time for you to work out,

Rachel Denning (28:50.798)
That's what you're doing. You're working out and you're cleaning your gym. That's it. You're not worrying about your business and you're not worrying about the kids and you're not worrying about me and you're not worrying about the animals. You are working out and you are cleaning your gym. That's it. That's also very important when dealing with overwhelm and managing it is because we're not allowing ourselves to be scattered everywhere at every moment. We are clear and focused on what we're doing and we're doing it intentionally. It's not like you just wandered out there.

What should I do? This will work on doing this right now. You know, it was in tension. Nor did I go out there all stressed and worked out and like, I have to get my workout in and I have to clean my gym. Yeah. gosh, what do I do? And there's so much and now I got to do the garden and I'm not doing it. Yeah. You knew what you wanted to do. You chose to do it on purpose and you did it with focus, with intention and quickly. You didn't take forever. Ooh, that's another important point. Yeah. I compress.

That's another way we really have succeeded for years is we compress time with intensity. So when I go in there to work out, man, I'm getting a great workout in and I'm not in the gym for like 60 to 90 minutes. I'm saying maybe 30 minutes and I'm spent, the muscle groups I work today, I'm sitting here like they're fatigued. I got a great workout in, but it was in a short time. And if necessary, you know, if you have a...

young baby or you're even crunched on more time, you can, I mean, they have that seven minute workout app. You can get a great workout in seven minutes. Absolutely. And even with a baby. By increasing intensity. Yeah, increasing intensity. And when we had babies, we would just hold them. Like I'd put them in a backpack or on a chest, a chest pack or hold them in my arms. And you're like, but holding a baby in my arms like burns my muscles. Right. That's the point. Wait a minute. Aren't you working out? And so I would often do it with kids. I'd put the kids on my shoulders.

I'd have both kids. And so I'd put, I'd put like, I'd be holding two infants or toddlers and be doing air squats. And then when they were old enough, I'd do pushups and they'd climb on my back. They love that. Or like sit on my shoulders. Kids love working out with you. They just think it's so fun. I mean, even our seven year old still, when I do my yoga, she just loves to come in and do it with me. And that can start from when they're babies. You can do that stuff with them, or you can do it in a compressed amount of time, right?

Rachel Denning (31:16.334)
when they're napping or whatever so that it still happens. Because here's the other thing about changing your rules. Because if your rule is what it used to be, well I used to go to the gym and I used to be there for an hour and so now I can't work out, well yeah, obviously that's gonna be a problem. Or the rule of I can't work out with the kids around. Yeah. You just have to change the rules about what this can look like and how it can get done. That's how you make it happen. Yep. Anyways, back to the wheel. Hold on though, wait, let me.

Let me lean into this a little bit more. Because I did it myself and I've heard so many of my clients and friends talk about it, so many of you, like, but the kids are like interrupting and they need this stuff and well, they need this and they need that. And then they just want to climb on me and then they want to be held. I just switched all of my rules instead of like, ugh, I'm not watching out today. You're like, how can I incorporate all of this into my workout? Exactly.

boom, I'm doing lunges with the baby giggling or the toddler on my shoulders wherever I'm gonna do lunges all the way over to get him a drink and a snack. And then I'm gonna do I'm gonna bear crawl back. And, and I get like an obstacle. They're like, gosh, they're just on me. Yeah, great. I'm doing what exercise can I do with this kid here? Or they, you know, or keep whatever they're down there grabbing my hair, whatever. Okay, how can how long can I hold a push up when I go down?

and I go down to a plank and the baby's playing with my ears or my beard, how long can I stay there? Up? I'm going to turn it into a workout. You incorporate. So instead of being bothered by, annoyed by, interrupted by, I'm like, let's go. Let's do this, right? We love hiking. And they're like, man, I have to carry kids. I'm like, so what? And I carried two kids to the top of Angel's Landing in Zion National Park. Made me nervous. But I had them strapped to me. I was good.

But I'm, you know, saying like, I'm just like, okay, what do we want to do? All good. Let's do more. And so you turn it up. And again, even as we're saying this, I know some of you are like, okay, I'm going to try that. And you're kind of like lollygagging around and touching a little thing here and a little thing there. And at the end of an hour, you neither got a good workout nor organized your space. But you got to turn it up a little bit.

Rachel Denning (33:39.982)
Right, with focus and intention and intensity. Go back to your wheel thing. So back to the wheel. So essentially the point is that you think of that wheel, you have your priorities, you have your goals and dreams, but only one thing can be touching the ground at a time. One moment of each day, you can only be focused on really one thing. So when you're focused on that thing, focus on that thing. And then when it rolls around to the next one,

That's when you then put your time and attention on the next thing. But if you're trying to focus on all the things all the time, every day, the one that's on the ground, you're thinking about the one in the air. Yeah, you're going to be overwhelmed. And it's poor mental management. And it's just it is poor mental management because you're in one room thinking about the other. Yeah. Yeah. And thinking about six others. Exactly. There. That is self saboteur.

And okay, so now I got to clarify something here because we see this a lot. Okay. And then I want to mention another important point about... Do remember it? please. Okay. Remember it. Some of you are thinking, well, that's what I do. I go to this and I do that. And then I go to this and I do that. Like, I'm doing this. And I'd say, well, there's a subtlety here. Some of you are constantly playing whack -a -mole.

and putting out fires. Your wheel is rolling round and round. Yeah, round and round. And you're just ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta. I mean, you're all over the place and you're not getting anything done. But Greg, that's what you just said. You talked about being intense and focused and fast. Exactly. You're like, so I'm all over the place. This is me. Me, me again, me again. And you're sitting here thinking that I'm talking about you. But then you're wondering like, why don't I ever get anything done? And why do I feel chaos and mayhem and overwhelm? It's because the application, the implementation.

of this principle and practice we're talking about has some art and some science to it. If you were if you were to come spend some time with us, Rachel and I aren't aren't playing whackable. We're not like look like it's putting out every once in a while but but you see like we get it done like you move in done that stuff it's taken care of. And most of the time we're thinking about it in a way it's like we're taking care of this for good. We're putting out we're preventing a fire.

Rachel Denning (36:02.158)
and then we're putting it out, we're done. Like we're fixing, we're getting rid of things. So we're not like slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap. And then, then at the end of it, well nothing's really resolved. And it's all just a mess. Here comes the next mole up again. It's not that. So when Rachel's wheel comes around and it hits the rubber hits the road, we're making progress. We make

Progress we're moving forward not just continuing to hit the same mole into the ground, right? We're mixing all kinds of metaphors here. Yes, we are No, I think that's an important point and that I think that comes down to the decision -making and the clarity because when you have clarity about those things then yeah, you can make the decisions that like if I do this thing then next time it comes around I'm gonna be making forward progress instead of Doing the same thing again You're always trending upward

We are making progress. Yes. Yeah. That's good. You remember? Yes, I did remember my thing. So the other thing I want to emphasize here because especially because she's asking these questions about young moms who have young kids and they have big ambitions and goals. And I totally get it. I was that young mom. I'm still very ambitious, but my kids are older now. My youngest is seven. My oldest is almost 22, I think. So, you know, it's much different phase of life and

And I feel like it's a phase of life where I'm able to take on more and do more because my children are more self -sufficient. When they were young, and I vividly remember that Greg and I had more than one conversation about it, where we knew there were going to be some goals that we were going to have to achieve at a slower rate because we did not want to neglect our family.

We did not want to neglect our children. Now we chose to travel with them full time, we chose to homeschool them. We basically, you and I and our kids spent practically 24 hours seven, 365 days a year together. We still do that most of the time. And that was our priority. And so there were multiple times over the years when Greg and I had these conversations of like, how do we homeschool?

Rachel Denning (38:25.518)
and build our business and keep our marriage great and travel and raise the kids. We knew of all of those options. We chose to slow the business growth for the sake of family, marriage and experiences. Well, especially children. Yes. Children have to have they have an expiration date. Yeah.

You have a short time and you're like, I got 18 years. fly by. And they have big needs. And if you meet the needs, then they are whole beings. And when a person is whole, when a child is whole, there's nothing better. Yeah, it's worth it. It's worth every sacrifice of money or investment or business or whatever. Whatever you have to sacrifice to create that wholeness in your family and in your child.

is worth it. And so we made that intentional choice. Now we didn't give up on giving building our business. We didn't say, it's not possible. I guess we'll just invest in our kids and you know, be broke forever. We knew it would was temporary. We knew that our business would not experience all the growth we wanted it to. We wanted it to experience because we were investing in our children. We were investing in those young minds and hearts.

And that has paid off huge. I think that is worth, that's worth way more than the business growth that we would have seen. Like, yeah, okay, maybe we would have, we could have invested in our business more instead and we could be even spending all that money we made on helping our children recover from the damage we caused. Spending all that money on Porsches and things like that. That's, that's if you didn't have kids, you didn't have kids. You're like, yeah, I can, you could not have kids.

Right. And she even says that she wants a big family. You could not have a big family. So you could grow your business, how about money and spend all your nice things. Or you can figure out how to have a big family if that's what you want. Even if it's tight financially for a while and maybe, but we also, we weren't very strategic. We didn't, we didn't back then we didn't look at coaching really didn't exist in the mentoring. Like if we would have had coaches, we could have.

Rachel Denning (40:49.262)
figured this out sooner because we've learned how to optimize. That's why we, you and I do what we do for in our business is because we figured out the way to optimize it all. So now if knowing what we know now, if we were to go back, we could grow both. Yeah, you're right because there were multiple times along that journey where we found something that would have been a very successful business, but for whatever reason, lack of mentoring being one of them, we were like,

I don't know. Let's not do that anymore." And we would move on to something else. And now we look back and kick ourselves. Like, what were you thinking? That right there was your answer. Right. Your golden goose. And you just got rid of it, killed it. So yeah, there is definitely a way to be more strategic. But I guess what I want to emphasize, especially for a mom who has a new baby, like cherish this time. That is literally the most important thing you have to build right now, is that child.

and to build that relationship with your child and to build the family you want, that will pay off in dividends that are way more valuable than money and business. And this is not to discount money and business. Like I love money, I love business. And I wanna have all of those things, but they'll come.

as the kids grow. But when you invest in their relationships first, primarily, and their well -being, that will be more valuable to you than anything else. And for me, what that means is like really being there for them. Like answering, when the baby cries, you're there, you're holding, you're comforting, you're meeting their needs. People don't understand this, that if you want to have great relationships with your teens and adults, it starts now when they're a baby.

The type of relationship they have with you now, if you're there for them, you're available for them, you listen, you respond to them, that builds the foundation for when they're teens and adults that can never, you can't go back and change that. You can't go back and fix that. If you do this wrong, you can't fix it. Well, it's actually self -sabotage because if you neglect the child now,

Rachel Denning (43:08.494)
the neediness increases. absolutely. And the misbehavior increases because it's a vehicle to try to get more attention. Exactly. So it even becomes more demanding. Right. If you meet the child's needs, they become more autonomous. Yeah. And self -reliant. And they're not so demanding in a very short time because they're like, why should they be? My life is whole and complete. Right. I'm good. And my mom and dad are there for me when I need them. They're there.

And that's part of the reason why we can do all the things we're doing now because our children are secure in our relationship and still when they need us, we are there for them. But we've built that foundation so that they don't feel threatened or uncertain or needy when we are like, hey guys, we've gotta work hard now. Because of that, we have that strong foundation with them. So that.

I don't know. I just really want to emphasize that because I feel like that's very powerful. One other thing that came up with both of them is like energy levels. Do everything you can. Well, here's how I frame this up.

Would you feel less overwhelmed if you had double or five times the amount of energy you currently have? And for the vast majority of people like, no, like if I had three to five times more energy than I do now, I could accomplish everything I currently have on my plate and do it easily. So perhaps it's not even a to -do list problem or

the amount of things you have to take care of, perhaps it's an energy problem. Like if you had more energy, then you could handle what you have. And so it's the energy that's the problem. And energy always comes down to good quality food in the right amount, but make that a priority. And a lot of people, they start getting overwhelmed and so they compromise food. It is a perfect cycle of self -sabotage. I'm so busy, I'm starving for fast food.

Rachel Denning (45:09.326)
But fast food, there's no nutritional value in it, so you just tank. And it's toxic, so it's literally taking your energy. So you're just depleted, and then you feel like crap, mentally, emotionally, physically feel like garbage. I got so much to do, and I feel so exhausted. And so then more overwhelmed and more sabotage. It's like you have this nice car or a car at all, and you're trying to go somewhere, and you're like, my gosh, I'm so overwhelmed. I don't have time. We're just going to throw.

Anything in the tank and hope it works like it doesn't work You can't you can't put garbage in your tank and expect that car to keep driving No matter how nice a car you you put some Dr. Pepper in there because you don't have time to stop at a fuel station and you're in trouble, right? It's the same thing and we start neglecting our workouts right now time to work out Well, that's gonna just totally deplete you a good hard workout is physical mental and emotional like it is it's invigorating give you so much energy, so

Get back to that and then sleep. Yeah. I can't sleep. I'm worrying about my stuff and I stay up late or bad habits. You work all day. You're busy. So then you're like, I'm just going to sit here and scroll and look at my phone for an hour or two before bed and you're like, Sabotage. I get to sleep. I'm working. I was working on my memoir before we moved here last month. But one of the things that I noticed in my journaling was.

And this is how we were when we started out. And we've really changed our viewpoint on it because of how much we've discovered sleep is important. Like sleep is so important. But I kept writing in my journal, like I'm trying to get up at 6 a I'm trying to get up. Like I had young kids and I was trying to get up early, which I get the reasoning is because part of it was I was busy during the day. So if I wanted some quiet time, it was gonna be in the morning or many moms, it would be late at night.

Now I would do it totally different because I know that if I get good sleep, I'm going to feel so much better. I'm not going to feel as overwhelmed. I'm not going to be as stressed and mean and grumpy. Sleep is so important. And so while it often feels counterproductive to your productivity, I think I've learned now that

Rachel Denning (47:29.294)
I would prioritize the sleep because it's going to make everything else that much better in your life. Especially if you're getting interrupted by infants or toddlers. Yeah, especially if you're getting interrupted sleep. So now, and even now I would do it. Like I will prioritize sleep. I'll sleep longer and I'll sleep more, especially because as a woman, I feel like I need more. And they've said in some studies that women need more sleep than men. And I've found that that's to be true. Like it just makes me feel a whole lot better about life and the projects I'm taking on.

and my level of overwhelm when I get good sleep. And it's directly opposite if I don't get good sleep. So eat well, sleep well, exercise well, be clear about where you're going on your journey. Clarity matters a lot. It really helps. And then get clear about the steps to get there. So even down to a prioritized to do list. So you know what to work on, what's most important, what's not.

And then that helps you become a way more effective decision -maker. You can say yes to this and no to that because it doesn't fit. And if you'll just do those simple practices right there, it'll totally transform the way you feel about having a big list of things to do. And having lots of opportunities. And I want to emphasize that there because I really do feel that that's important because it's this multiple level thing here.

which I think many people are missing and perhaps is why they feel so overwhelmed. For us, it's a hierarchy. And at the top of the hierarchy is having clarity about what it is we're actually working on. Like what is the ultimate outcome we are currently pursuing in our life right now? I think without that,

You're gonna be going through the motions of everything you're doing in life and you are just gonna feel overwhelmed. Like I don't know if there's a way to get out of that. The only way for me to truly manage the overwhelm is to have it directly tied to a bigger picture objective. Like when I know, okay, the reason why I'm doing all of these things that are overwhelming to me is because I'm working on achieving this outcome. That helps me to manage.

Rachel Denning (49:52.302)
all of the actions and activities I have to do. But without that, it would literally be like actions and activities without outcomes, which is to me the definition of purposelessness and overwhelm, if that makes sense. And some people literally will feel overwhelmed only because they lack clarity on where they're going and what they're doing. Exactly. It gives you this sense of overwhelm because...

You're like, what's the point? You have a sense of uncertainty. What's the point of it? You're like, well, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. And that feels overwhelming. Just not knowing what to do. And I think this, the sense of purposelessness behind it too. If you're continually just day by day going through all the motions of doing all the things without seeing any point of why you're doing it all, except to pay the bills, except to buy food to put on the table, except to make it through another day. What's the point?

without having that big major purpose behind it, like I would feel that way too. And so I think it's so important to have that big under like for us at the moment, we are creating this world school family resort. That's going to be one an investment for us to a place for families, traveling families to gather and connect. Three, it's also a home base for us for part of the year. That's what we're creating. And to me that I'm very specific about that vision. It's.

I call it Airbnb ready, meaning all the rooms, all the spaces are ready to be put on Airbnb. I can take a picture, it looks gorgeous. That to me is the ultimate outcome. It's clear, it's specific. So then, in the midst of it, I have all of these to -dos to get me there, but they have to fit into the hierarchy. They have to fit in to the ultimate goal of this is what I'm achieving. And then because I have that hierarchy, it makes it easier.

easier for me to make decisions. One of the hierarchies in that system is, will I have to get rooms on booking and Airbnb? And in order to do that, that means these certain outcomes have to be accomplished. I need to get decor, I need to hang them on the wall, I need to get bedding, I need to, so it's specific things. And then I'm able to make decisions about where to spend my time and energy based on achieving those specific outcomes. Now I hope that this is not too confusing here, but I'm trying to identify this.

Rachel Denning (52:17.134)
that this is a strategy, unless I have that very clear goal that I'm going after, and then I can make decisions based on how quickly that's gonna get me to my goal, otherwise I do, I exist in this state of over where I'm like, I don't know what to work on next because there's 10 ,000 things to choose from. So I guess I'm just really wanting to emphasize that for people here that if you have that sort of hierarchy in place,

about the specific outcome you're trying to achieve, and that could be included in the whole circle. Like when we go back talking about the holistic circle, you could have an outcome in each of those areas. So then when you go around and that wheel's rolling on the ground and each of those is touching the ground, you know, the rubber hits the road, that's where you focus your attention. That's how you make decisions about this is what I'm gonna work on now to make forward progress towards achieving this ultimate outcome in my hierarchy of importance, if that makes sense.

That right there is a framework that makes all the difference for me. I honestly think I could not operate and I would be crushed by our projects if it wasn't for that framework that gives purpose and meaning to everything that I'm doing. Boom. Love it. Okay guys, just pick a few things to start adjusting right now and just be more strategic about it and...

and you'll begin to see the effects and feel better immediately. Love you guys, thanks for listening, see you soon.

you

Rachel Denning (54:07.47)
you