#265 How to Get Out of 'Blah' & Live Each Day with More Meaning & Happiness

Greg Denning (00:01.409)
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Extraordinary Family Life podcast. We are your hosts, Greg and Rachel Denning, separated again today by an ocean. But you could put an ocean between our love. And it won't keep us apart. That's one of our favorite little love songs. But Rachel is in the States. I'm over in Europe. And today, ladies and gentlemen, we are going to talk about happiness.

Rachel Denning (00:20.43)
Portugal.

Greg Denning (00:30.849)
joy, meaning, and most importantly, getting out of blah, getting out of a hum drum. Yes. The hum drum existence, the state of merely existing that time when you're just, I don't know. You've, I'm sure you've experienced it and felt it maybe too much. And I think, I guess that's why, that's why I want to record this today. Maybe you felt it too often too much.

Rachel Denning (00:33.389)
Thank you.

Rachel Denning (00:39.021)
The humdrum.

Greg Denning (01:01.121)
and it's just felt like you're flatlining. It's not exciting, it's not thrilling, it's just this occasional, that was nice, instead of most of the time.

Like being excited about your life. So when you wake up in the morning, you're like, yes, another day life.

Rachel Denning (01:24.748)
Well, and -

Rachel Denning (01:32.94)
I clarify with that because I think a lot of times people get the wrong idea about what that's supposed to look like when you say something like that, they imagine you jumping out of bed like, so excited and filled with enthusiasm, which happens sometimes. But even for you, Greg Denning, you don't jump out of bed every single day like that. And so, and ultimately I think that's kind of the point of this discussion is saying,

Even for us who, you know, we are living intentionally and have an extraordinary family life, we're not jumping out of bed with enthusiasm. Some days we wake up just like you wake up, tired, exhausted, overwhelmed, dreading the day perhaps, but we use intentional strategies to help us be able to get into these states that we're talking about where we can find...

Greg Denning (02:20.033)
Sore.

Rachel Denning (02:32.49)
meaning and joy and purpose and happiness in the day that we have regardless of what it looks like. It's not like we're saying, well, and there, no, there is a key part of that where you can begin to create and design a life that has more days that are exciting and meaningful. But even when you do that, and I like to remind people all the time, your dream life is filled with work. The life of your dreams isn't just Instagram.

perfect, it's filled with work. And so there's often things you don't want to do, but you need to do. And sometimes it can still feel like a humdrum, you know, existence unless you're intentional about finding the meaning in those things And so that's...

Greg Denning (03:18.465)
And well, and learning to love the work. I love how you're saying that, babe. Like if, if, if a really meaningful, awesome life requires a lot of work, then man, let's learn how to love the work. Let's do work that we love and learn how to love the work. So there's, there's maybe the first action item right there is like, just to say, like, if you can choose to do work that you love.

Rachel Denning (03:21.802)
Exactly.

Rachel Denning (03:30.697)
Exactly.

Rachel Denning (03:35.145)
Mm -hmm.

Greg Denning (03:47.137)
If there's just work, this just work like taking care of the kids like sleepless nights and diapers and messes and squabbles and tough drives or flights with little ones or like whatever it is. It's lots of laundry. It's lots of dishes. So learn to make that fun. I think some too often we just think.

Rachel Denning (04:05.129)
Mm -hmm.

Greg Denning (04:17.249)
I just have to do it. And so I'll just get through it. And then we find ourselves, and I've done this too, and you've done it, and I talked to people today, I had a few conversations with people who were doing this, they're like, I'm just checking the boxes, I'm doing what needs to be done. And they said, I find myself just kind of wishing the day would be over, like anticipating the day to be over. The problem is,

Rachel Denning (04:32.072)
Right.

Greg Denning (04:41.537)
If that becomes the norm, then eventually you find yourself every day waiting for it to be over and then realizing, wait, I'm just going to do it again tomorrow. And so slowly you begin to resent your life and you create a life that you don't love. And for me, we've been there, man. I I've had jobs. Well, that's, that's the first problem for me. I am certifiably unemployable.

So if I have a job, something's off. But I've had jobs that I hated. We've lived in locations that I did not love. Now, I learned to make the most of it. I'm still joyful and positive. You probably wouldn't even know that I just don't like living in certain places.

Rachel Denning (05:18.502)
Mm -hmm.

Greg Denning (05:30.465)
Cause I'm, because of what we're going to talk about, I get into my routines, my rituals, my habits, my patterns. And I'm like, I'm going to be good, but we've been there where I'm just like, I don't like my circumstances.

Rachel Denning (05:36.55)
Well, and I think that that's an important point to, let's talk about it for a second because it is a key element as well. If you're gonna go through this process of finding more joy and meaning in your life, there definitely is a place for examining, for lack of better phrase, your life choices, right? And sometimes that is the solution. If you hate your job,

Greg Denning (06:00.449)
Yep.

Rachel Denning (06:07.717)
I would be looking for a different job or career. If you don't like where you live, exactly, if you don't like where you live, move. And I've heard people say over the years, like, you know, grow where you're planted. But because we have lived in so many different places around the world on five continents, I've learned from experience that where you live does matter. Like there's, there's.

Greg Denning (06:10.721)
every three minutes.

Greg Denning (06:31.041)
Absolutely.

Rachel Denning (06:32.133)
There's places where we totally jive and other places where we just do not. And so it does make a difference the place where we live. And exactly.

Greg Denning (06:40.289)
In spite of the best effort to thrive, which we always do everywhere we are, there's a marked difference. It's palpable and real. So yeah, where you live makes a difference. It matters.

Rachel Denning (06:50.948)
Mm -hmm. Right. And so you might just be in a place that just does not fill your soul, and you should look at moving to a different place. Sometimes those things, those drastic solutions are the solution. So it's definitely something you want to consider, you want to look into. But then there's the other side of the equation where, and I've talked to people, they're like, no, actually, I am living my dream life.

Like this is what I dreamed of. I'm in the place I want to be. I'm in the home I want to be. I have the family I want, but I still feel some of this mundane blah. And then that's when we're going to implement some of these other strategies that we're going to talk about. Like, okay, in those cases, what do you do about that? And it's important to emphasize that that's normal. That's just a part of life, even a dream life. Like a dream life is not all rainbows and unicorns and perfection every single day.

That would get actually boring.

Greg Denning (07:48.609)
Whatever, that's what I want. That's what I want to sign up for. I want the unicorn life and the rainbows.

Rachel Denning (07:54.451)
But I, and I think that that's what people don't realize. They, they imagine that that exists without any challenges, without any obstacles, without any hard work, without any disappointments. That if you create your dream life, you're not going to have any disappointments anymore. You're not going to have any obstacles to overcome. And that's just not true. In fact,

Greg Denning (08:18.337)
I remember thinking that, especially with money, I'm like, man, if we were making double or quadruple or 10x what we are making now, then I wouldn't have any troubles or problems. And that's just so far from the truth.

Rachel Denning (08:21.187)
Yeah.

Rachel Denning (08:34.178)
Well, in a reality, what happens is your problems just get bigger in that you grow and as you grow, and that's how growth works. You then come up and face larger problems that you have to learn how to figure out and solve and overcome. That's just the nature of the journey of life and of progression. Like it doesn't work any other way.

Greg Denning (08:54.849)
I have a perfect example of this because I used to say it and I hear guys say it. They're like, I just want a newer car. Like a car that, you know, I heard somebody say recently, he's like, can I just have a car that has like less than 100 ,000 miles on it? Or, you know, I used to hear guys say, I just want a car that was in the same decade. Like I want a newer car.

And the idea was, if I had more money, I'd have a nicer car and I wouldn't have this older car that I got to fix up. But then the irony is we've had a sweet convertible Porsche. We had a fancy BMW. We've had this brand new fully decked out Expedition van. This fancy RV, the big truck. We've had them all. And with the fancier, nicer cars.

Rachel Denning (09:34.433)
Okay.

Greg Denning (09:42.497)
When they need a repair and they, I hate to break it to you that even fancy nice cars still break down. When they need a repair or a new tire or something, wow, those parts are expensive. Right? And so that's, that's a one small example of a bigger problem.

Like you're like, what I was, I was paying, you know, this much to get this repaired. Now I'm paying 10 X hat to get it repaired, which, okay, if you're making the money, great, but it, that's what I'm saying. It's like the, you'll still have an issue and you'll have to pay for it. And it'll be more.

Rachel Denning (10:04.224)
Yeah, it doesn't eliminate all of your problems just because now you have the dream that you wanted. And that is a good analogy and it's important for people to understand and it doesn't mean you shouldn't pursue your dreams.

Like one way or another, if you're gonna have problems to overcome and challenges to face, you might as well have them while you're living the life of your dreams. That's way better than living the life of your nightmares, right? So if you have to choose, choose the dream life problems.

Greg Denning (10:37.377)
Amen!

Greg Denning (10:44.641)
Yes, and we do that. I think we get a little bit delusional and we think, man, if I pursue my dreams, there's going to be so many challenges and so many obstacles. It's just, it's not worth it. And we'll hear people say this, like, it's so much work, it's not worth it. So they stay home, but guess what? They still have obstacles and challenges and problems and difficulties. And you're like, wherever you are, whatever you're doing, whatever your life looks like, there's going to be challenges and obstacles. So just like you're saying, babe.

You might as well be chasing your dream because you're also going to have some epic, awesome memories and experiences along the way where otherwise it's just this humdrum existence.

Rachel Denning (11:15.294)
Mm -hmm.

Rachel Denning (11:20.03)
Mm -hmm.

Rachel Denning (11:24.766)
Mm -hmm. Good. Okay, so, unless you have something, I was going to start with one of my strategies that I use.

Greg Denning (11:34.241)
Well, I wanted to ask, hold on, before we get to strategies, I just want to ask a couple of questions. Like for me, I asked, do I love my life? Am I living a life I love? And that's kind of the first part. For a lot of people, this is, this is interesting to me, but I guess not so interesting. We've been thinking about it and talking about it for so long. We've been so deliberate about how we do life that it is just like, well, yeah, of course we're thinking about that. But for a lot of people, they don't know.

If you were to ask a majority of people, I would say, it's like, Hey, are you living a life that you love? And they're like, well, I don't know. I don't know would be their answer. And you're like, well, what would if you were to like this dream life that you just love, what would it be like? Yeah, I haven't given him enough thought. That's usually the answer I get. Man, I haven't given that enough thought.

Rachel Denning (12:04.317)
Okay.

Rachel Denning (12:12.093)
So, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to do a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of

Greg Denning (12:23.073)
They'll say, man, obviously, I haven't been thinking about that enough. I haven't gotten clarity. They lack clarity on what a life they love would look like. They're they've just kind of been going along like we did initially. Like, what are you going to do? Like you go to school, you get a job, you get a career, you get a house. You like you do. What are you talking about? We're talking about pursuing a life I love. I'm just doing life. So that's the first question is like, are you living a life you love?

Rachel Denning (12:41.532)
Mm hmm.

Greg Denning (12:47.745)
And if you realize, well, I love love, love water or mountains or beaches or cities or countryside, and you're not there, that's the first place to start. Maybe you love paddle boarding, but you don't go. Maybe you love skiing, but you live in Georgia and there's not even hills, let alone snow. And you realize, what am I doing?

Like I'm not, I'm not in the right spot. I'm not creating the life I love. So that's the first question. Are you creating a life you love? The second part is, and this goes both ways. So you might be just unhappy in a life you don't love, but you might still be unhappy in a life you could love or do love. And then that's the next piece. Are you, and I, I was thinking about this today. I want to use the word practicing. Are you practicing happiness?

Do you wake up each day and put into practice inside and out, meaning in your head and your heart and then outside in your life, are you practicing happiness?

Rachel Denning (13:54.074)
Mm hmm.

Greg Denning (14:02.497)
Whew. And that's a sobering reminder for all of us. Am I sincerely and genuinely happy?

Rachel Denning (14:06.042)
That's what I'm thinking.

It makes me think of the, I don't know if it's commonly known, but the whole idea of love being a verb, you know, and people talk about if you want to be happily married, you have to, in essence, practice love. You have to turn love into an action word and something that you do, not something that you just feel or receive. And I think that how you're explaining it here is a perfect example or comparison for that.

You're not going to be happy unless you practice happiness. It's like what the Dalai Lama says in the book of joy. I think it's him or it's Desmond Tutu. He says, there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. Like you get to happiness by practicing happiness, by being happy. And so yeah, that's exactly how it needs to, that's the framework you need to approach it with. You will be happy as you practice happiness.

Greg Denning (14:56.929)
Being happy. Yeah. I love that.

Rachel Denning (15:10.777)
Another favorite quote of mine, and I don't know the source, but it's essentially, it's not happiness that makes us grateful, but it's gratefulness that makes us happy. And so that's part of, to me, that's part of the practice of happiness is by cultivating gratitude so that I can feel more happiness. I can feel more of those positive emotions because I'm focusing on the things I'm grateful for.

Greg Denning (15:10.913)
I love it.

Rachel Denning (15:39.256)
as opposed to the things that.

I don't like or that are going wrong or the, you know, this or that or the other, a perfect example recently. And again, this is how I think it plays out in the day to day. It plays out in the little things that happen to us and how we choose to interpret them. We have our property in Portugal and we have a bunch of animals that we've gotten. We've only lived there for what? Three months now, maybe.

Greg Denning (16:10.369)
Less.

Rachel Denning (16:11.607)
Yeah, but we have a bunch of animals. We got two pigs. And while I have been gone in the States, one of our pigs, the younger one died. And I was just so saddened by that. I'm far away, you know, so I didn't personally participate in the experience, but I just felt so saddened by it. I don't know why. But as I thought about it, I realized, yeah, I think you're right.

Greg Denning (16:34.081)
We all did, the whole family did.

Rachel Denning (16:39.319)
Because you grow an attachment to these animals, you know, and it's fun to watch them and interact with them. And it feels so sad and meaningless when they die, right? Like, what's the point, especially when you don't understand why. But I realized that having gratitude for that, having gratitude, and it sounds strange, but this to me is a strategy I use. Sincerely being grateful that my pig died.

because that's my trial, right? Like, this is my trial, this is my challenge, this is my obstacle, my pig died. For me, being grateful for that helps me to put it in perspective. Like, literally, I am grateful my pig died and it wasn't my child and it wasn't my spouse and it wasn't some other horrible thing. And that might seem extreme to some people to have that sort of comparison, but that works for me as far as.

practicing happiness, practicing gratitude, practicing finding meaning in these things is it's a chance for me to reflect on the blessings I do have and all of the things that are going great in my life. And if I had to choose a hundred percent, I would choose that. No doubt. There is no doubt in my mind that I would choose my pig dying, even though it made me sad at the time. And it's okay to feel the sadness and all of that and to not discount it.

But for me to then be able to compare it to the other things that could happen, yeah, all day long I will accept and be grateful for those trials, quote unquote, right?

Greg Denning (18:17.697)
Yep. And I think, I think that's an actual, I do it as well. And I think it's a good practice. It's, it's establishing a, what's called a juxtaposition. Like you, you lose $50, but it could have been 5 ,000 or 50 ,000. Right. So you're like, okay, the juxtaposition gives you perspective.

Rachel Denning (18:27.7)
Mm -hmm.

Rachel Denning (18:36.916)
or 500 even.

Rachel Denning (18:44.691)
Mm -hmm.

Greg Denning (18:45.377)
And I've been doing that for a long time. And I think you're right. I bring that up. It's like, that's one of the practices. It's just a mental practice I do to help keep things in perspective.

Rachel Denning (18:57.875)
Mm -hmm. Yeah.

Greg Denning (18:59.489)
When when there's a loss you realize yeah, but we got to have that experience. Right and something goes wrong. Obviously, you know usually catches you off guard. It's unexpected and there's a disappointment frustration and we can let it just just wreck us and sometimes that's enough to wreck people for good. They'll have a really bad experience and that's it. They just check out.

Rachel Denning (19:05.459)
that too.

Rachel Denning (19:26.674)
We'll never own pigs again.

Greg Denning (19:29.153)
Yep. Or I started a business and it failed. I'm never doing the entrepreneurial path again. I'm never trying business again. Or we tried a real estate investment, went wrong. I'm never touching real estate again. Got in the stock market.

Rachel Denning (19:34.674)
Exactly.

Rachel Denning (19:39.666)
Or, I got married and it didn't work and we got divorced, I'm never getting married again.

Greg Denning (19:44.737)
I'm getting married again. Yep. Exactly. And so it's important to have the perspective and to feel the gratitude. I love that. So I think gratitude is a practice as well. It's something you practice. It's not like, well, I just don't feel it. I just don't have it. You practice it.

Rachel Denning (19:54.962)
Mm -hmm.

Rachel Denning (20:07.153)
Mm -hmm.

Greg Denning (20:08.706)
practice it. That's a big one. I would say finding joy and awe in simple things. I want to I want to focus in on that's another strategy, because it's related to the gratitude. And I just got me thinking, I'm like, to walk out in the morning and watch the sunrise.

Rachel Denning (20:21.233)
as another strategy.

Greg Denning (20:31.553)
or to watch the sunset in the evening. It's pretty awesome. And just stand there, take some deep breaths, feel the sunlight on your skin. Just watch the colors in the sky. To as cliche as it is to stop and look at and smell the roses and the honeybees.

Rachel Denning (20:57.744)
which when you actually have roses growing, which we do in Portugal, like it is, it's so, it's so pleasurable to do that because they are filled with so much fragrance and you're like, my gosh, this is an actual amazing experience.

Greg Denning (21:11.873)
And, and they're, they're awe inspiring. When you look at the detail of a flower is phenomenal. So there's an actual thing and there's, there's a book. I haven't read the book yet. There's a book and a research paper and a, and a podcast thing. There's just all this stuff on awe on practicing awe. And they found in all the studies that it works best. Like the results are far more impactful when it's in nature.

Rachel Denning (21:17.936)
Mm -hmm.

Rachel Denning (21:22.48)
Okay.

Rachel Denning (21:29.648)
Mm -hmm.

Rachel Denning (21:39.568)
Mm -hmm.

Greg Denning (21:39.809)
They try to do it with like manmade stuff, but nature just blows everything else out of the water. And they found, and then they had college students do it and they do all this research and practice and people just going out and doing it. And there's like, you just practice all.

Rachel Denning (21:45.775)
Yeah.

Rachel Denning (21:53.647)
Mm -hmm.

Greg Denning (21:55.201)
And what it is you just go into nature. And I love this. This was so cool. It was from this author I'm listening to. And he said that he's deliberate when he practices time in nature and he doesn't allow himself to like listen to podcasts or audio books, which he's always, you know, pounding like I am. I'm always pounding audio book, always listening to podcasts, doing something. And he's like, he sets aside time in nature to not do that.

Rachel Denning (22:11.691)
Thank you.

Greg Denning (22:20.353)
And I would say the same with music. So those, you know, the music is powerful and wonderful, but we've got to have time without music, without input. And then when you, if you have time every day in nature, just even a little bit, just you and nature practicing all. And that has such a grounding and healing and settling impact.

Rachel Denning (22:44.558)
Mm -hmm.

Greg Denning (22:46.977)
And I get to do it every morning. I love it. I love it. I take my dogs out first thing in the morning. I'm watching the sunrise and I just go walk around our property and we have a large property and there's no houses around our property. So it extends for quite a ways. And wow. Wow. It's amazing. The other day before Rachel left, we went and we walked along the cliffs above the ocean while the sun was, was rising and

Rachel Denning (22:47.502)
Okay.

Rachel Denning (23:07.054)
Mm -hmm.

Rachel Denning (23:16.59)
Mm -hmm.

Greg Denning (23:17.633)
two of us and the dogs walking along and getting these glimpses of the beaches and the water. man it's heavenly. And they're simple these are simple practices.

Rachel Denning (23:26.285)
Yeah. And we often feel that, and I'm speaking from experience, me, that, we're too busy to do these things. And yet, then we don't do them and wonder why we don't feel meaning or happiness in our lives. Because it's actually those very small things throughout the day that...

are the things that bring the meaning and joy and fulfillment into our lives. And so we have to create this framework of understanding that no, I need to do those things. If I want to be fulfilled with my life, I need to make sure I'm making time for those sorts of things because those are what will bring the meaning fulfillment. Especially when, yeah, well especially, and I think that this is a perfect example for.

Greg Denning (24:13.089)
Otherwise, this show's busy.

Rachel Denning (24:19.627)
everything we've talked about, especially when you do go through the process of creating the life that you want. Say you want to move to the beach town or you want to move to the ski town or you want to move somewhere where you get to be closer to the things that bring you joy, which for us, Greg and I visited Portugal. We both walked along the cliffs. We loved it. And I thought, this is where I want to live. This is where I want to be. But then if you move there and you get back into the ruts and you don't do it,

then you're missing the whole point of the whole dream that you pursued, right? Like you have to actually do the thing that you were pursuing in order to then find the meaning fulfillment that you anticipated it would bring you.

Greg Denning (25:01.089)
Exactly. It's such a great point. We live so close to the beach, but if we don't go to the beach, what's the point of living close to the beach? You can move to the mountains because you love the mountains, but you just spend all your time in your house or your office. What's the point?

Rachel Denning (25:13.418)
Exactly, right.

Rachel Denning (25:21.738)
And then we wonder why as humans we feel like we're in a rut and we feel like we're stuck and we feel like there's not meaning and joy in our life. It's because we're not doing the things that bring that meaning and happiness to us.

Greg Denning (25:35.489)
Okay, as I'm sitting here, I'll go. You got one? I got one. You go first.

Rachel Denning (25:35.754)
Okay.

I have one, yeah. Okay. So one of the things I also do that works great for me is finding a way to mentally connect the things I'm doing on a daily basis to a larger vision or picture of what I'm pursuing.

So that doesn't matter if I'm interacting with the kids or if I'm working on my business or I'm interacting with you or I'm working on other projects. To me, if I'm just checking out the boxes, it's like to -do list, to -do list, to -do list, right? It can become so mundane and purposeless. But if I take a moment, and usually it's at least every day,

or at least every week, like ideally every day, but at least every week, if I can take a moment to pause and be like, okay, wait a second, why am I doing these things? Why am I checking these boxes? Like why did I decide I need to do this every day? And usually, not always, people definitely just go through the motions of doing it. Ideally, you would take some time to identify your goals and...

and dreams, which we actually have a whole extraordinary life planner to help people do that, that helps them outline this entire process of creating the right kind of to -do list, where then the things you're working on are connected to the goals and dreams you're trying to accomplish. But if you haven't done that process, or even if you have, you can still get back into the rut of, I'm just checking things off, rather than remembering that, no, I want to do this because it's going to help me have a better relationship with my kids.

Rachel Denning (27:22.919)
I wanna do this with my spouse because it's gonna help me have that ideal relationship with my spouse. I wanna work on this project because it's gonna help me have long -term wealth for my family. I want to, and so you're literally connecting everything you're doing on a daily basis with the long -term objective that you're trying to achieve. And I find for me, if I'm not doing that, and if the things I'm doing are not connected to something like that,

They literally become meaningless to me. And I'm like, what is the point? Why am I doing this if it is not helping me to achieve some other long -term goal?

Greg Denning (28:02.017)
Right. That is so awesome. It's so insightful because our actions, if they're not connected to something that actually matters, they just become empty actions. And if that feels empty.

Rachel Denning (28:16.358)
Mm -hmm.

Rachel Denning (28:22.374)
It does. And I know that there's also, and you know, because we studied a lot of different religions and philosophies and things, and there is a whole way of approaching this where that is the point, where just doing the thing becomes the meaning behind it, right? And I understand that, and I've studied it, and I've tried to practice it, but for me, it's still just not, it doesn't have the same impact. Or,

long lasting source of meaning and happiness. Like I just feel like that fades away. Like after so long of just, you know, doing the thing for the sake of doing the thing, I'm just like, why should stop? Unless there's something I'm trying to achieve by it. Like I feel, I feel like ultimately humans are very driven by achievement in that they need to have purpose to the actions they're taking or else they just.

don't wanna take the actions. And so, yeah, because it becomes meaningless. So we're very driven by finding meaning. And so when you can learn to connect the meaning, and that can be anything, like I can connect meaning to doing the dishes, or loading the dishwasher, or doing the chores, or whatever it is, it doesn't matter what it is, I can find meaning in that because I've learned to connect it to a bigger vision of what I'm trying to create. For me,

Greg Denning (29:22.497)
Because it's meaningless.

Rachel Denning (29:50.724)
I love doing the dishes because I'm modeling, cleaning up and cleanliness for my children. And I personally want to have a clean space and a clean and an order. And so I have this vision of the family life I'm trying to create and the family culture I'm trying to create. And so that action is directly connected to that outcome.

Greg Denning (30:15.393)
love that. And do you find that you have to remind yourself of the connection?

Rachel Denning (30:23.524)
I think when I am in a lower state, meaning a lower emotional state, maybe I'm in frustration or irritation or resentment or anger, I definitely do have to remind myself. But if I'm in a higher level of motion, if I'm already in gratitude or I'm already in productivity even or whatever, I find that it becomes more natural where I just, I want to do that. the dishes? Yeah, I wanna do the dishes.

especially when I learn to use it as a tool for, we've talked a lot about stress and recovery, like when you're working and doing your things and you're trying to check off all the things, that's a form of stress, mental or emotional, physical stress, and then you need recovery to make up for that, and I've learned to use certain things like that as a form of recovery for me. Also, for me, I also think of it as,

Greg Denning (31:18.433)
Yes.

Rachel Denning (31:21.442)
focus thinking versus diffuse thinking. Like if I'm spending a lot of focus thinking on the computer working, to me, then the perfect activity is to go do something like washing the dishes where I've just got this very loose, diffused thinking that's kind of all over the place and it's like a rest for my brain to help it recover.

Greg Denning (31:41.761)
Yep. I don't think most of us are not strategic enough about that. Especially in life, right? We have this list of tasks. We go from one task to the next task to the next task. And we just wear ourselves out. And we're just grinding and just frustrated and hurt. Where what you're describing there, and we do this so often. You and I do it so, so often. And it's so helpful to go from one task to another.

Rachel Denning (31:46.145)
Mm -hmm.

Rachel Denning (31:51.553)
Mm -hmm.

Rachel Denning (31:55.393)
and

Greg Denning (32:05.089)
And we're checking off all our tasks. We're doing the things that need to be done. But the one task is acting like a break from the other. We're still being productive, but the one helps the other. I actually do that in the gym because I had to.

Rachel Denning (32:12.577)
Mm -hmm. Yeah, no.

Greg Denning (32:20.129)
When we had, you know, we had kept having more and more kids, I'm like, man, I can't, I can't spend an hour or two hours in the gym. I got to shrink my workouts to 30 or 40 minutes and I have to get a phenomenal workout in, in 40 minutes. Like, how do I, how do I pull that off? And what I realized is I started, I started doing the same thing in the gym. So I'm going in for like, you know, a full body workout, so to speak, or, or muscle groups. So while one muscle group is resting, I do a different exercise.

Rachel Denning (32:46.56)
Mm -hmm.

Greg Denning (32:47.873)
that has nothing to do with that muscle group. So let's say for example, I'm working out my arms. And so I'm doing curls and then burning and then my arms need a rest. So I can totally go over and do abs, right? So while I'm doing crunches, my arms are resting. I'm not just sitting there. Like a lot of guys, they'll do the curls and then they'll just sit there and wait for two minutes. They're waiting because I'm resting in between sets. I go, so am I.

Rachel Denning (33:04.384)
Mm -hmm.

waiting.

Greg Denning (33:15.329)
but I'm working something else. And obviously I know it's high intensity interval training, it's working my cardio, my heart, whatever, but that's what I want. I want to optimize. And so I'm still working out, still progressing, still moving through my workout while resting. And the same thing, whether you're saying, I go from this task to this task, but we strategically use them as stress recovery, stress recovery, stress recovery.

Rachel Denning (33:22.912)
Mm -hmm.

Rachel Denning (33:37.12)
Mm -hmm.

Yeah, that's exactly right. And I think that is something we have both gotten really good at doing, which helps us to be far more productive over time because we're not using our recovery time. It's not wasted time. It's still being used, but it's in the form of an activity that is recovering us from the previous activity we're doing. We're too many people to use the exercise analogy. It's like they pick their task and they're like, I'm going to do this. And it's like, they just keep...

curling that weight forever and then they wonder why they're exhausted and they're burnt out and they can't even move their arm right now. It's because yeah, you can't do that. Your body is not created to be able to sustain that sort of thing. And so we have to be, or the brain too, right? We have to be more strategic about how we stress and recover.

Greg Denning (34:23.233)
or the brain.

Rachel Denning (34:33.118)
And that right there is a tool that I think helps you to fulfill more, to, to feel more meaning and fulfillment. And I know for me, one of the signs I've learned to pay attention to is that if I'm working on something, no matter what it is, if say I'm working on the computer doing something and I start to feel irritated and annoyed and frustrated and tired, that to me is a sign that I've been working on it too long. And so then I'm like, okay, I'm going to take a break.

I'm gonna go do something else. And for me, that's usually, yeah, it's usually something physical. Like I've been sitting, looking at a computer, now I'm gonna go do something that is physical, off screen, analog, right? And that could be whatever. It could be feeding the animals or washing the dishes or taking a walk. It could be anything that's not on the computer. And then I'm able to come back, I feel better.

Greg Denning (35:05.793)
not scroll mindlessly on social media.

Rachel Denning (35:31.26)
I'm my brain is clear and focused and then I can get the progress I need on that task because I'm not just grind, grind, grind, focus, focus, focus on the one thing. It's such a powerful tool and it helps you overall to feel better. And when you feel better, you feel happier about your life. It really is that simple. So you really just have to be more strategic about doing the things that help you feel better throughout the day. And then when you feel better, you feel.

you feel more content with life. And so you're literally practicing happiness.

Greg Denning (35:59.617)
happier.

Greg Denning (36:06.849)
There, and it's these, don't, those of you who are listening, don't.

Don't discount the simplicity of it to think, like, whatever, that can't make that big of a difference. It does, especially compounded. When you do it day in and day out and it becomes a part of your practice, then, man, it's amazing. And you feel so good.

Rachel Denning (36:24.316)
Mm -hmm.

Rachel Denning (36:30.043)
your way of being.

Rachel Denning (36:37.594)
Mm -hmm.

Greg Denning (36:38.657)
So again, as we're all of us are going along assessing like how do you feel? Do you feel good physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, socially, financially? Do you feel good? And then it's practicing feeling good. I love that. Okay. I got to share one that is just keeps coming to my mind as, as we're sitting here talking.

For me personally, I have to have something to be excited about. I gotta have something either on my calendar or in my head to be excited about. Otherwise...

Rachel Denning (37:09.09)
So, sorry, to add to this clarification, so besides connecting the daily task to some sort of long -term outcome, like, I'm doing this to have a better marriage, you also want to have something on your calendar that...

is like, and we're gonna take a trip together for our anniversary or whatever like that.

Greg Denning (37:43.041)
Yeah. And some, so like a trip for our anniversary or a family trip somewhere cool or a big race I've signed up for. Those are what I refer to as like macro dosing. It's something big I'm planning for. Maybe there's a cost, there's some preparation. It's like, okay, there's this big thing I'm looking forward to. So I got to have macro dosing excitement in my calendar. So in the next few months, like what can I look forward to? What can I get up and be like, yeah.

Rachel Denning (38:06.2)
Mm -hmm.

Greg Denning (38:10.529)
We're going there is going to be awesome. And then I need micro dosing for me. I need small things to be excited about little things that are they're either literally in my calendar or at least in my head. Like I'm going to do that. And it's it's play. Humans need play. We so so desperately need play. And it's looking forward to those things gives you it's almost like this magnetic force. This is pulling you forward into life.

Rachel Denning (38:26.04)
Mm -hmm.

Rachel Denning (38:32.92)
Thank you.

Greg Denning (38:40.129)
you get up and your your mind is just drawn to it because you're excited about it and and you it draws you through the other things because you get to look forward to the other stuff and I know for me I'm I'm totally like this I heard somebody say one time it's adult ADD adventure deficit disorder right I've got to have adventures I got to have excitement I got to have some play and when I do man I love it.

Rachel Denning (39:05.943)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Right.

Greg Denning (39:06.177)
I feel different. I feel better. I feel more alive. And I can tell when I've not had enough play. Or I can tell in myself and in my coaching clients, I can tell right away. I'm like, like, especially if they come with certain symptoms. I'm like, I know right away. I know what the problem is. There's nothing he's looking forward to. There's nothing on the calendar. There's nothing that's exciting. It's just blah.

I'm just exist. I'm just grinding. I'm just checking the box. I don't even know why. And that could be like you could be crushing in business, making tons of money. And you're just like, I am just empty. And one of the major reasons is you don't have something exciting to look forward to.

Rachel Denning (39:36.087)
Yeah, and it's connected to that idea we were talking about before. Like if you strategically create your dream life, you go live by the beach or the mountains, but then you don't actually go out and do the things that make it exciting and meaningful, then.

you still just have the same feelings of blah. It doesn't matter where you are or what you've done. You have to regularly, regularly be participating in and doing those things that make you feel this way in order for you to have meaning in your life. Because without it, you do. You're literally just existing. You're just going through the motions. It doesn't matter how much money you make or what kind of house you live in or how great your life is. On the outside,

You have to be able to find play and excitement and fun and meaning in the things that you do. And you have to strategically and intentionally do those things.

Greg Denning (40:43.585)
absolute no I'm going mountain biking tonight with my son I have been wanting to do that we've been so so crazy busy remodeling the resort and the mountain bikes been sitting there I've been I kept saying to myself I'm gonna go for a ride I'm gonna go for a ride I'm gonna go for a ride but I have not yet been tonight it happens

Rachel Denning (40:46.934)
good. Good.

Rachel Denning (41:03.502)
Yes.

Greg Denning (41:05.409)
Because Kimball's been saying that to my son. He's like, man, let's go for a ride. We'll go for a ride. So tonight, I'm going. I'm going riding. I'm going to set aside some time and carve out some space. I'm going to get back in the saddle and go ride some epic trails along the cliffs. yes. OK.

Rachel Denning (41:19.638)
Yeah, good.

Greg Denning (41:27.009)
One, I mean maybe you have something more babe, but one more thing that I'm thinking of that's so, so relevant right now that I can feel in a very palpable way is I feel your absence.

Rachel Denning (41:37.622)
I think.

Greg Denning (41:41.729)
And it's amazing. I've been paying really close attention to my mind, my thoughts, my feelings. I feel your absence. And I'm referring to my wife here because because we're part and it's real. And the vacancy, the void, the absence is it's intense.

Rachel Denning (41:42.422)
Okay.

Rachel Denning (41:51.902)
And.

Rachel Denning (41:58.198)
So.

Greg Denning (42:10.081)
And it affects all kinds of thinking and feeling in interesting ways, like things I don't normally think about or worry about or that don't slow me. Like when when we're together and things are good, there's there's like it's just like this how things are with you being gone. Like it's like there's.

Rachel Denning (42:10.77)
Thank you.

Greg Denning (42:40.257)
mental, emotional obstacles that aren't there otherwise. You know what I'm saying? It's even harder to articulate, but I feel your absence.

Rachel Denning (42:42.79)
Mm -hmm.

Greg Denning (42:50.401)
And I want to share that principle.

because it might not be that couples are physically apart, you know, for a work trip or whatever, or a family trip, but they're emotionally or mentally or spiritually or physically separated. If there's coldness there, if there's distance, even if it's just emotional or in the relationship or if it's just transactional, if a man and a wife are behaving like roommates,

Rachel Denning (42:56.214)
That's it.

Rachel Denning (43:14.806)
Okay.

Greg Denning (43:23.713)
They're gonna feel the same emptiness that I'm feeling with you being physically gone.

Rachel Denning (43:28.054)
Mm -hmm.

Greg Denning (43:30.113)
And it might go, I mean, this is for two weeks and it's just killing me. But I have a little visitor here. Hey, we're recording a podcast. Say hi. Hi, mom. Hi, listeners. We're going just a minute, OK? And so it's it's that same. It's that same thing.

Rachel Denning (43:34.786)
You

Rachel Denning (43:41.526)
Bye, Sanji. I miss you.

Rachel Denning (43:50.39)
Yeah.

Greg Denning (43:51.425)
And as I've been thinking about it, I'm like, my goodness, I love being married to you. I love doing life with you. And for those of you who are new to us or the podcast, like we spend all of our time together. We both work from our home office. We educate the kids at home. We travel together. Like we just do life together. The vast majority of our 23 years of marriage we've done.

Rachel Denning (44:13.478)
Thank you.

Rachel Denning (44:17.622)
Thank you.

Greg Denning (44:19.489)
our meals together, our time together, like we're together. We work together, we teach together, we do every, we do life together. And it's amazing and it's fulfilling and rewarding and it like, it brings so much happiness and joy. And it's interesting how much extra work I have to put forward to be joyful or happy or excited without you here.

Rachel Denning (44:21.334)
Okay.

Rachel Denning (44:46.742)
And this is Greg Denning speaking. No.

Greg Denning (44:51.297)
But but I find myself exerting more effort because you're gone. I think, man, if if if people listening are like if the marriage is off and they're fighting or they're frustrated or they're just roommates, like no wonder. We. Yeah, we need that closeness, that bond, the love like Rachel and I are just best friends. And we just have a phenomenal marriage.

Rachel Denning (45:08.918)
Life feels like a drag.

Greg Denning (45:21.025)
And it makes it so much easier to be happy and joyful and fulfilled even when we're facing challenges and obstacles. Perhaps especially when...

Rachel Denning (45:32.11)
No, especially when and I think that that is a very very important point that that I think often when you and I are talking and sharing things We sometimes forget that everything we're sharing is built upon certain foundations That it's almost like have become automatic things. We almost don't even think about anymore But for us, it's just like no that's there that's in place and that is

than this firm foundation for everything else to build on. And so I think that's one of the things that when you have solid relationships in your life,

It's just a foundational piece to everything else you're doing. And so it's, that's why we emphasize them so much. That's why we talk about it so much. That's why we teach the things we do and the 28 day challenge and everything else we're doing. Because getting those relationships right is going to be the greatest source of happiness and fulfillment and purpose that you can ever find. And having those relationships off, and this includes with your children too, but definitely with your spouse.

having those relationships off is going to be an ongoing source of contention and irritation and frustration and brings this sense of purposelessness. Because ultimately that's what it's about. Like we exist in order to have relationships. And when we have good relationships, life is good. And when we don't have good relationships, yeah, life sucks. So we need to realize...

fully how important that is and that that's the most important work we could do. That's the most important work we could be focusing on more than our careers, more than making money. Those things are important. But one thing we have done really well is we have put almost all of our time, energy, and attention into creating great relationships, a great marriage, and then great relationships with our kids.

Rachel Denning (47:38.86)
And that's been a foundational aspect of everything we now teach and do and can accomplish because of that firm foundation.

Greg Denning (47:48.097)
And it makes it so much easier and so much better.

Rachel Denning (47:51.116)
Yeah, it does. It does, it simply does. It just makes it so much easier for us to then still use the tactics we've described. And it's, again, it's not something that makes all of our problems go away. It doesn't. We still have to face challenges. But really it doesn't. You still have things you have to, challenges you have to face and overcome and whatnot.

Greg Denning (48:06.593)
makes all my problems go away.

Greg Denning (48:14.881)
You know what's interesting though? I feel like I can take on the world and I can just slay dragons when you and I are good. When we have the spark and the passion and romance and connection, I just feel unstoppable. When you're gone or that's off, I'm just like, what's the point? So drag. Nothing's fun without Rachel here.

Rachel Denning (48:20.908)
Mm -hmm.

Rachel Denning (48:27.724)
Mm -hmm.

Rachel Denning (48:34.316)
Why? Why am I existing?

Rachel Denning (48:41.322)
Right? Yeah.

Greg Denning (48:43.553)
It's, it's, it's, it's fascinating. I've been playing really close attention to my, to my thoughts and feelings. And it's, I don't know. I think, I think hopefully this is helpful for somebody out there that if the relationship's off, it is worth every bit of effort to bring back the spark and the magic into the marriage. Love it. So ladies and gentlemen, here's to your happiness. Choose, it is a choice and it is practice. There it is. Exactly. It's a choice and a practice.

Rachel Denning (48:58.345)
Mm -hmm. Yeah.

Rachel Denning (49:07.049)
your practice of happiness.

Greg Denning (49:11.841)
So today, just say, you know, I choose to be happy and I'm going to practice being happy today. And when you find yourself slipping into old habits, thinking patterns, emotional habits, whatever, just like, no, no, no, I'm practicing happiness. I'm choosing to be joyful and choosing to enjoy the little things and making the adjustments. If you, if you know right now, if you've been listening to this, you know, right now there's something in your life that is annoying you or bothering you. You just don't like it.

Rachel Denning (49:34.281)
Thank you.

Greg Denning (49:37.537)
man, get crazy strategic, take massive action, do whatever you can to create and live a life that you love and do the inner work because it's an inside job. Do the inner work to be truly happy. So love you guys. Be happy. Get out. You know what? And okay. For those of you parents who are listening, I feel like we have a moral obligation to practice happiness.

Rachel Denning (49:46.089)
So thank you.

Rachel Denning (50:00.424)
100%.

Greg Denning (50:07.265)
so that we can teach our children how to do it and give them so much of an advantage. If we can teach our kids how to practice happiness, they have this huge advantage that I didn't grow up with. And like then then they can just take off and like they're already living in that and it's so much easier to pursue and keep going. And it was happy meaningful lives because we helped lead them there as parents. So love you guys. Thanks for listening.

Rachel Denning (50:29.575)
Mm -hmm.

Greg Denning (50:37.377)
Reach upward.