Stop Ignoring the Signs: Helping Teens Overcome Anxiety & Depression with Habits

In order to have good mental health, you have to have positive habits. They believe in possibility. That's what I love about youth. If they come back and still want to do what you're doing, they've chosen to emulate you. And that's powerful. You don't want to lose them or lose a position as a respected mentor and parent. What determines success for both teens and adults are the habits that they have. Hey there, this is Greg Denny. We want to reach as many people as possible and help as many families as possible with these conversations. And we want to keep this podcast adree forever. You can help us do that by subscribing on Spotify or Apple Podcast or wherever you listen, your favorite platform and on YouTube. And leave a quick review and share your favorite episodes with friends and family. It makes a big difference. Thank you for being a part of this very important movement. Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of the Extraordinary Family Life Podcast. This one's gonna be good. Today we are talking about some of the coolest human beings on Earth. Teenagers. They are awesome, but man, they get a bad rap. I think if there's one group of humans that get thrown under the bus more often than others, it's teens, man. So, we got a heartfelt email from a mom, and we get these often. The very first thing Rachel and I want to say is please don't misunderstand any of what we're saying today. We're not trying to be coldhearted or unfeilling or uncaring. In fact, we we are very feeling and empathetic towards situations like this. We just are here to have these conversations to bring awareness to help there be more openness and communication and understanding about what is happening in more than just your home, right? in many homes and what we can do about it and what options there are. And that's the good news. There's tons of options, you guys. And we we have to take this so seriously. And so some my responses to parents are often like, "Hey, don't mess around with this. Don't wait. Don't hesitate. Don't procrastinate. Don't think this will blow over." Like what you have is the beginnings of a very, very serious situation. And if you have a teen that's just disconnecting more and more and leaning into worse and worse behaviors, like you can't think, "It's a fad. They'll grow out of it. This sucks. Hope it gets better. Cross my fingers." Like, you've got to give this the attention that it deserves. Or like Rachel, I love to talk about that little baby monster will turn into a fullgrown monster of a dragon that'll burn your house down. It's often not until there is a noticeable problem that most parents are even aware that there's a problem at all where because we have worked with youth so much and well and then with our own teens of course we're able to spot potential problems much sooner and so we take action on those potential problems much sooner and that is actually a much easier parenting strategy. It is amazing to me how much easier parenting becomes and everything else in life when you have that approach of saying, "Oh, okay. This is not a big deal right now." And we teach our kids that, too. We're like, "Okay, this isn't a big deal, but if this thing continues to grow, here's what it could turn into." And that's a problem. If you have small children and you're listening to this, like this is exactly what you should be doing. Cuz right now, like a lot of strategies like no, prevention is so much easier than repair, right? But that being said, if you feel there has to be some repair repair or some dragon slayed, we're going to give you some swords and shades today to slay those dragons. Those of you who are going into the teen years, like if your oldests are just getting to be twins and teens, you you sense the change in your role and your dynamic and and the part you play in your kids' lives. And when your kids are little, like they're your world and you're their world and and you're like, you're everything. And then they become teens and that changes. That's natural and normal in a biological sense because if not, they'd never leave the nest. Exactly. But in that tradition, you don't want to lose them or lose a position as a respected mentor and parent. When children are younger, they imitate you. They copy what you do to learn how to do things in the world. But when they grow up and they start to look around in those teen years and start to see what other people are doing in the world, if they come back and still want to do what you're doing, they've chosen to emulate you. And that's powerful. So that's what you want to do and that's who you want to be is the person your teen wants to emulate. If a lot of you have poor habits and poor patterns and you're setting a poor example and your kids not knowing any better pick up those same habits and patterns and that leads them into a lot of the trouble they experience as teens now and young adult and young adult. So, I I know that's that can be hard to hear, but it's we have to hold up a mirror and say, "Wait a minute. What have I as a parent led them into?" Ultimately, what determines success for both teens and adults are the habits that they have. I mean, back to the scientific research on this, it's very clear that in order to have good mental health, to have good meaning and purpose in your life, you have to have positive habits. Habits that establish those positive feelings. That's that is actually the foundational piece of creating a meaningful life and of getting out of things like anxiety, depression, all of that. It stems from something as simple as having positive habits. People want to believe that even with something as serious as mental health issues, which are real, especially if they're caused by something like trauma or genetics, because there's a lot of genetic influence on that, or from the breakdown of families. All of these things that are happening in society or happening to people can cause mental health issues and a lot of other problems and that is real. But when people want to believe that because those things happen to you, you're stuck. You're now cursed or you have no other option but to suffer those things. Yeah. But to have mental health issues. That is very disempowering and it's actually not true. The clinical science behind it is is very clear that at least 95% of the time in most cases those issues can be resolved transcended with positive behavior and habits and mental management and mental management. Okay, let's let's dive into this and and I want you to know that there's hope. There are tons of tools and strategies that Rachel and I have personally individually been through struggles and challenges a lot. I I have not lived a cushy comfortable life and I'm sitting here saying, "Well, you guys should just be happy about that. I'm speaking from experience." I think it's important to emphasize that at those points you suffered anxiety and depression and suicide ideiation and deep insecurities and hopelessness and desperation, dark days and dark moments where I I genuinely ask like what is the point? this nothing I do makes a difference and every time I try as soon as things seem to be better then something else bad happens like why keep going on I've been there and now if you were to meet me and this isn't just for the microphone or the camera if you were to meet me and spend time with me I'm one of the happiest most energetic guys you're a walking anti-depressant being so so there is hope some of this through strategy yes hope is not a strategy in of itself it's not just like there's Oh, you know, it's okay. Cross your fingers, pray a lot for the best. It's like there are actually real strategies that just work. So, let's get into the strategies. So, number one, the first thing she really said is like, "Hey, my son's struggling or my daughter's struggling, and you know, there's anxiety, there's depression, and they're having a hard time getting out of bed." So the first question is does what do you because this is personal for you too but if we're talking about a teen what does your teen have to get out of bed for? Why should they get up? Why not not even should why would they want to? Every one of us has to want to get out of bed for something. If you can get someone to want really want to wake up in the morning go after something you win. That solves a lot of problems, right? That's it. Because they have an intrinsic motivation when they come in, they actually want to go to bed at night because tomorrow is a new day. And when they wake up, they're like, I have something to look forward to. If your life is lame, if your life is boring, if your life story is so dull that you wouldn't even want to live it or watch it, what what do you think is going to be the outcome of that? Because teenagers are naturally seeking more risk, more adventure, more excitement during these years if they don't have that. And for a lot of teenagers, that's replaced with video games. If they don't have it, they will do other things that are more s self-sabotaging behaviors because they don't have that excitement and adventure in their life. You have to model this for them and you have to support them. And what happens? You're like, "Hey, why don't you do something yourself?" They're like, "Well, I they come up with an idea. Scuba diving in in Australia." You're like, "No, you can't do that. It costs too much money." Right? And you squatchch their ideas. And so then they're like, "What's the point to life? Anything I want to do, it's not going to happen." Now, the other piece that's critical with this element is that when you have something exciting to look forward to in life, that brings a sense of meaning and purpose. And back to the science here, that is one of the things that combats anxiety and depression. If you can help yourself first of all cuz you're modeling and you want your kids to emulate that and then help your teens find what they are actually excited about. That's going to help a lot with something as simple as them getting out of bed in the morning. And this is true for your little children. It's true for your teens. It's true for young adults. And guess what? It is true for you. I think as well not I not think I know as human beings we are all wired for that. We've heard so many adults come to us in tears and say, "I stopped dreaming. Somehow I bought into the narrative or told myself a story that those dreams, you know, I can't really dream. Come back to reality. You need a reality check. Can't really do that stuff." And so, you know, in in youth, the dreams are still possible. They believe in possibility. That's what I love about youth. They believe things are possible. don't kill that in them like maybe it was killed in you. And so that is one element that often if our teens are checking out it's because they may feel like what's the point? There's no there's nothing in my life that I actually want to do. It's filled with things I have to do that are told to me by other people. And unless they have some sort of agency and some sort of control over the things that matter to them. And you might be saying, "Well, my my kid doesn't like anything. He doesn't know anything he's excited about." Well, that's because he's never had the opportunity to actually decide for himself. Often as parents, we don't trust our children to do that because we're afraid that they will make wrong choices. So, it's our fears. Mhm. It's our fears projected onto our children that tell them, "Look, you can't follow your dreams and passions and chase big goals." There's that part of us that thinks our child will naturally just self-sabotage if allowed the chance. We feel that we have to control them. When the reality is, and this is an interesting psychological phenomenon that takes place between parent and child, once you remove the battle of the wills that's going on with children, your teens, they finally have the freedom to actually make their own choices, most people will choose the things that are in their best long-term interest, especially if you give them guidance and tools. And guidance is different than control and force. Yes. So if we will stop controlling and start guiding and again this has to be done with skill. You've you have to do this takes skill. There's a big long-term strategy around this. Never, please, never underestimate how much your children want to please you, how much they want to make you proud, and simultaneously how much at a deep soul level they hate to be controlled. They want to please you, but they will fight to their last breath to not be controlled. That's just in our spiritual DNA. That's that's in the human spirit. But you still here's the here's one of the dichotoies of life. You still have to be a parent that has high standards and demands excellence or or positive habits from your children. You may not have communicated effectively their rights and their responsibilities and the responsibilities that help them earn their rights. In our house, we're very clear. We feed you, we clothe you, we pay for the heat, we pay for the mortgage, we pay for all of these things. And if you want the privilege of enjoying any of those things, then there's certain responsibilities you have to fulfill at a bare minimum. And that's simply helping them to understand how the world works. You're not doing anything different than how the world actually works. You're just taking the world and how it operates where if you don't pay your rent, you get kicked out. If you don't pay the electricity, they turn it off. You're saying, "Hey guys, this is how the world works and you've got to learn how the world works." And so I'm helping you by implementing a mini world in our house. And if you don't at the very least pay your rent by making your bed, cleaning up your room, doing chores around the house, that's how you contribute and that's how you earn your own living expenses. When we as parents remove those natural consequences because here's the irony, like you were saying, because we feel sorry for our kid because they're struggling, all we're doing is perpetuating their own struggling. Absolutely. We Yeah. We're contributing to the problem. We're contributing to the creation of that struggle by not removing the real natural consequences of life. Feeding that dragon you talked about. Exactly. And so I know some of you might be asking like how do we do that? How do we get our kids to go to bed and get up? And hopefully it is a helpful way to do it. And how you do it is going to be dependent on the current relationship you have with your child. um because that will have an impact on how well it's received or if there's another approach that needs to be taken. Exactly. So yeah, building the relationships always first and foremost. Just keep building the rel relationship. I would I would talk to the kids. I would come up with some cool stories or movies or examples. I'm going to look for any way that they are going to connect with and be like, "Whoa, it's awesome. My kids love stories of the the the hero that's disadvantaged and doesn't have a chance and rises against all opposition and becomes the hero. They love stories like that because they see the principle of like, whoa, dude, that guy worked so hard or that girl put in all the effort to become something, right? So, we'll watch a movie like that, have a discussion like that, and I'll say, "Hey, what were they doing that made them great?" Even even when they didn't feel like doing it, it was super hard. What did they do? And my kid, everyone picks up on it. They know. They're like, "Man, they worked so hard. They trained so hard. They got the skills. They were doing everything." You're like, "Yeah." Do you think they were like staying up super late partying and watching TV and chitchatting with their friends and then sleeping in till like 2:00 in the afternoon? They're going to know it's not the case that and they're going to answer you and say, "No, that's not leading me to my best self. That's not going to help me achieve goals or dreams. That's not going to help me become great." So then you have that conversation. So they say out loud, "Yeah, that's that's not going to help me." And so if this were me and this was this problem, I'd say, "Look, we got I'd talk to them so they get it. Like, do you do you agree you need to get a bed so you can get up?" "Yes, I agree." "Do you want to do something great?" You're like, "Yeah, I do. I want to do this." Okay. Can you do it by sleeping in every day? No, I can't. But it's so hard. Okay, I'm going to help you. Well, and just to I mean, maybe we should have mentioned this in the beginning, but we might as well now just to clarify like why are we making such a big deal about them sleeping in? Isn't that just what teenagers do? They sleep in all day. And this is where no they don't. This is where we have to say that no, sleeping in that late for anyone, unless you have like a nighttime job or something, it's a sign of a bigger problem. It's simply a symptom that something else is off mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally. It's not normal, quote unquote, right? And it's not it's not and again, we can back this up, right? You're always looking for the common denominators of success. So you've studied the lives of the most successful people ever. You guys think success mean sorry I just going to keep interrupting you. Success meaning happiness fulfillment in life. Lack of anxiety depression holistic just happy just thriving really achieving. They go to bed early and they get up early done. That's the common denominator, right? And so the the clinical practice to fix this is with positive behaviors and habits that work. Just we're re-emphasizing this again to make it clear. Well, we I just finished up another session of my habits for a successful life class and I got just what a week or two ago about some of the kids in our class. This young lady, she's on a BMX team and just just crushing it, winning. We talked about cryotherapy and cold water therapy in my class. And so she got in and she was doing it with her family and she was in like I think ice bath. Yeah. 38 degree water. and she holds the family record for over six minutes. Right. Wow. And getting up early and reading great books and like chasing greatness. This is what teens do when they have a goal, when they have passion, when they have excitement. What all people do. Yeah. And I'm I'm seeing this all the time. So I get to see both sides. And then you guys, I have the opportunity to help on the other far far end of this where there's suicide attempts or actual suicide, right? and or train wrecks and the kids have to go into therapy programs or into fully locked down protected locations. I I've seen it all. And so that's why we speak with so much seriousness around this. But but let's shift gears a little bit. So we've hit a couple of key principles. Here's another one. Since Rachel and I had kids and remember you guys when you first the very first moment you became a parent, remember that first moment? Do you remember that? hearing the feeling of of awe and wonder and then the feeling of like horrified responsibility and like h I and then the lack of sleep person to die and and now am I going to be good enough? Am I going to be adequate? Am I going to be a role model? And I'm so exciting. This is amazing. I remember it distinctly and I've tried to keep it with me and I've had this conviction. I said this to a friend one day when our kids were still quite young. They said, you know, somebody asked there was a teen struggling or something and they're like, "What would you do?" And I just had this conviction because you at the time were working with teens even then who were doing drugs. I've had a chance to work with a lot of teens who were struggling like drugs, alcohol. I even had a chance to teach a class inside a maximum security juvenile detention center. And and I just remember thinking, look, I would do anything, and I still feel this way. I would do anything to prevent my kids from going that far. And and I said to a friend, I would say I would take that kid and I would go live on Mount Kilimanjaro. So Kilimanjaro has become this symbol for me, the kind of this metaphor of of this principle of be willing to go to Kilamanjaro. I would drop everything, do anything for the kid now. Be willing to go to Kiljaro before it gets bad, before the dragon is huge. Be willing to do that. Most parents aren't. They want to do the bare minimum. I'm going to be honest. One of the worst things you can do as a parent is to slip into this coasting comfortable convenient existence. The worst thing you do is when your kids finally come into consciousness as teens and they start noticing you and start not as a little child anymore looking up to you but as a as a bigger person looking over laterally. The worst thing you do is start coasting through life because then your kids when they finally become cognizant look over and like what are you doing with your life? And they instead of looking at you with respect, they look at you with disdain. You're not making a contribution to the world. You're not like leading out by example. You're just existing. And I know that's super harsh. And I'm being blunt here. But if your kids don't respect you, they won't listen to you and they won't follow your lead. And if your lead is to drift along through life, why would you be surprised if your teens are doing the same thing and get worse results? Because you drift as a teen, you're going to drift into the rocks. So you have to be going willing to go to Kimjaro. That means putting in the money, the effort, the resources, whatever it takes, time to create change and facilitate like serious growth, right? There's a big difference, my friends, between giving your kids a good life and helping them create a meaningful life. There is a massive difference there. Well, and in fact, often by giving them a good life, we inadvertently contribute to their problems because meaning and purpose aren't always found in good, meaning comfort and ease. A lot of us think of the good life as one that's comfortable and easy and we've got the luxuries, but that doesn't provide meaning or challenge. And in order to feel alive, we have to be challenged. And so with the best of intention, many parents are removing the challenge and the struggle from their kids and inadvertently removing the growth. Exactly. You're like, "Poor kid, let me take away your growth." I want you to see it like that. Every time you try to shield them or protect them or do something for them, I want you to see yourself, oh, I'm taking away growth from my kid. I'm taking away meaning and purpose. Okay. So, what are some things you can do? Number one, start with your relationship. Here's an invitation. And again, this is going to look differently for each parent with each child and each situation depending on where it's at. But I invite you to do this. I've done it with my kids. I invite you to do the same. Go to your child and say, it's got to be the right timing, the good spot, you know, take them on a date. Rachel and I take our kids on a date. It's just just the two of us and one child, and they get to choose the restaurant, and we go out with them, and they just talk and talk and talk. It is pure gold. They get one one two attention. They love it. So, it might be something like that or another place, but just ask them, "Hey, on a scale of 1 to 10, how would you relate our relationship and be ready for some honest answers and let them be honest with you if they're not honest? Who's made them afraid to be honest? Like, tell them you want the honest truth and be ready for it. If they throw a two at you, like be ready for it." So, just say, "Hey, on on a scale of 1 to 10, how's our relationship? Please be honest. How's our relationship?" And then whatever answer they give, you say, "Okay, thank you." And and what makes it that way? And jot down notes. Don't get defensive. In fact, don't even say anything. Just listen. And then say, "What would make it a 10?" That's a golden question. What would make it a 10? And if your kids are open, honest, they'll tell you. They're like, "You know what? I want more time with you. I want you to pay more attention to me. I want you to be interested in what I'm interested in. Let's go do something." They're like, "Right, it'll come out and just listen. Take it in. Learn from it." Second is a principle I call micro doing and macrod dosing. It's where you start making deposits into the relationship bank account and into their lives. And so the the micro doses obviously are small doses that happen on a daily basis. Something as simple as hugging your child morning and night. first thing when you see them in the morning and last thing before they go to bed at night or you go to bed at night, giving them a hug, saying hi, greeting them, talking to them, sharing things with them, asking them questions, touching them on the shoulder while you talk to them. What are and and do this self analysis right now. What are your daily rhythms and interactions with your kids? What's it like? What's the energy like when you talk to your kids? When you engage with them, what's your energy? What's what's the energy you're bringing to that? And then I mean it little things. So with my littles right now, you guys would all laugh if you could see this. All day long, my three youngest kids beg, plead with me to jump on the trampoline with them. They just love me bouncing them all over the place. And I have yet to outbounce them. I've not had a single instance where they were done bouncing before I was exhausted. They can go. And you guys bounce every day. Every day. So every day I'm on the track with my littles. Okay. my 16-year-old, he loves doing woodwork projects. So, I'll I'll come up with any kind of project like he can make something for his little sisters or he can create some cool box. I came up like I literally will research ideas for things to him to do cuz he loves doing wood projects with me. With my daughter, she's so into volleyball right now. So, peppering, getting out and just bouncing the ball back forth, just playing and being interested in strategizing with her for that. My other son, he actually wants coaching and personal accountability. And we talk about we do martial arts together and he's doing stunt work and back flips and coaching there. And so we we just go through like each child has something where I can make a micro investment, right? Little things throughout the day. And then of course the macro investments are the big things, right? So in 3 weeks I'm taking my daughter to Colombia. We share our birthdays are a week apart. So the two of us for our birthdays are going to Columbia. Epic trip because that lights her fire right big time. and that girl lit up. So, this will be an absolutely unforgettable trip that the two of us will have a memory for the rest of our lives of just us in Columbia, right? And and that brings up this point of like, how can you create more memorable moments? Because we all have those moments that we'll remember for the rest of our lives. Why not have more of them? Why not intentionally create more of those? Most often, it's just because we're not strategic enough. We're not creative enough. If we're not thoughtful enough about it and we just quote let life happen and then it's not very memorable. What what what could we cut out of our lives that's less meaningful so that we can add more that is more meaningful? Again, this thoughtfulness strategy and you guys were like, "Whoa, that's a little bit extreme." Yeah. Like be extreme. Yeah. Come on. This is parenting, man. You get one shot. Like, can you feel that you guys? You get one shot, don't blow it. And if you've blown it already and you're looking around at the rubble, get building that back. Grab those rocks, grab those bricks, and rebuild your cathedral. I did want to add in here, a pattern interrupt can be so powerful, especially for your teens, especially if they're already in like a funk and you're trying to get them out of it. They need a pattern interrupt. And what a pattern interrupt is essentially is something that interrupts the normal pattern of your life. So if you have these daily routines that you just do day in and day out and there's nothing new and exciting or adventurous, change that. Do something unexpected. Do something totally different. A lot of parents are hesitant to do something like that because they feel, well, I don't want to reward my child for their poor behavior or for the way they've been acting. And so, they see it as a reward and punishment system instead of a tool or an investment or an investment to help them get the results they actually want. One one way that's the next level up is something like that. at the very least taking them somewhere is creating we call it a state change. Y state and we're not talking about like the state you live on and you go to a different state. We're talking about a state change. And what this references is you your body and obviously your teen's body are in a regular state. Meaning there are certain chemicals that are flowing through your body that cause you to feel the way that you do on a regular basis. And for many of you, that state is a very low energy state. When you take a trip, when you go somewhere new, especially if it's got something interesting or different or exciting, it changes your state. It is physiologically changing the chemistry in your body and producing new chemicals. So, you feel different. And when you feel different, when you're in a different state, that's the time to talk to your kid about these important things. Because now, guess what? They're not going to be thinking in their blah state. They're thinking in the new exciting state. They're feeling inspired. They want to do better. They want to be better. They want to change things. And that's when they are going to be motivated to make new commitments or to make create new habits. It's a very powerful tool that you can actually use to change your kids. Man, spot on, reach, that's that is the key. Change your state. When they're in this sense of possibility and hope, positivity, say, "Okay, well, let's make a plan. Let's do this. What are we going to do differently?" And then when you go back home, don't go back into the same rut or the pit of mediocrity that you've hauled out there, as somebody said. Don't go back into that same situation. Go back and revamp everything. If you've got to put, you've got to throw away your TV or sell it or put it in the storage unit or something. If you got to totally change the whole dynamics of the house, get the kid out of the basement, move his bedroom, like do totally different things, sign up for classes or whatever, like whatever you have to do, make the changes and go back into a new pattern, a new reality, a new habit that's going to be empowering. And I have to say like Rachel reminded me of what she was saying about Chang State. Um, a lot of the most talented and and soughtafter uh coaches and therapists and counselors in this space, the very first thing they start to assess is food. What kind of food are we eating? Because a lot there's so much chemicals, so much garbage. So if you're eating junk food and processed foods and fast food, there's so much junk in that that's and there's direct links. Again, don't this isn't this isn't our opinion. This is like backed up by very specific research and science. There's chemicals that are triggering these uh kind of behaviors and and mental responses from anxiety to depression to discouragement to whatever. So check food. You got to get healthy food. That'll change your state. Exercising, moving your body, and then their habits. They're looking at their habits. They're like, "Hey, Neil, you got to get up at a certain time every morning. Let's pick a time and you get up every morning at that time." Do it. Doesn't matter where your trauma came from. Doesn't matter what was the genetics cause. It doesn't matter what your genetics are across the board. You'll feel better if you get up at the same time every day and then move your body and eat good food. And guess what else? If you smile, well, that's the feel like smiling. Yeah. But guess what? When you smile, you force a smile. It releases serotonin into your body and you're like, "Oh, I feel better." And I I think there's lots of tools we've given you here. Please know like there are strategies, there's tools, there's training, there's help, there's hope. If you need some serious help, reach out to us. We can set up a coaching session. If you need go through, we have a a parenting program. How to be a parent mentor, how to mentor your kids through these changes. And as as this becomes new to you and you're taking on a new role and new challenges like lean into it, grow, learn, rise up, do whatever it takes, be willing to go to Kiljaro. And I know we kept using the sleeping in problem throughout this podcast as the example, but this would work with any other problem. This strategy is something this especially pattern interrupting, state changing. This will work with porn or drugs or even, you know, all these other Yeah. screen addictions, any pretty much anything you can think of. This is a strategy that works. So, there's hope. There's so much. And and you guys, I've I've been had the privilege to take so many kids out of this pit where they of their own accord, they'll they'll get up and say, you know what, no, I'm not staying up late anymore. not as sleeping anymore and they set their alarm and they get up and they themselves either sell or even throw away or destroy in some cases their gaming console because they realize, yeah, that's not leading me to my best self. That's not taking me to my dreams. It's just fun. And then they make those choices. Yes. Filling the void. And then they set huge goals and they go do the most incredible and inspiring things. So lean in. Take this very very seriously and spend some time in creativity. Reach out for outside help. Sometimes your youth, they don't want to hear from you. Um and that's that's one of the reasons I do my my habits for a successful life class for youth. They love it and they get to hear from somebody else and we get to read great books together and have great discussions and be able to coach, right? And we we we send our kids to other great coaches and mentors and classes and all this stuff. So getting these outside perspectives and our kids are reading books all the time. So, there's hope, you guys. Let's get excited. Even if you're This might be like you're like, "But this is exciting and fantastic. We're willing to help. I've helped tons." And like, get out there, lean into it. Make life exciting. Make your own life exciting. Make their life exciting. Give them the tools and the training to help them thrive. Okay. Love you guys.