Oct. 2, 2025

How to Stop Yelling and Stay Calm as a Parent

The player is loading ...

If daily conflicts are wearing you down, this video shows emotional regulation for parents step-by-step: how to stop masking, process triggers, and use quick resets—breathing, movement, gratitude, and future journaling—to raise your family’s emotional thermostat. You’ll see why sleep and nutrition matter, how to model real regulation kids copy, and how to mentor (not micromanage) so home becomes calm, connected, and happy again.

Are your kids’ fights setting off your emotions—and the whole house?Most parents try to “fix” kids’ behavior to feel better. In this video, Greg & Rachel flip the script: change your emotional state first, and your family dynamics follow. You’ll learn how to stop masking (“trying to stay calm”) and start being emotionally authentic—so you model regulation your kids can actually imitate.

We unpack practical tools to raise your family’s emotional thermostat—even on low-sleep, low-food days: breathing exercises, light movement, gratitude micro-meditations, future journaling, and morning routines that shift your biochemistry fast. You’ll discover why sleep and nutrition are foundational, how to process triggers and “memorized emotions,” and how to radiate steadiness kids naturally copy.

Big idea: Nothing gets better until you do. When you upgrade your inner state, parenting gets easier, marriage gets warmer, and home feels safe again. This is how you cultivate a family culture of peace, courage, and joy—without pretending or suppressing.

Try this today (1-minute reset): Stand tall, inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 6 (x6 rounds). Add one gratitude sentence and smile on purpose. Notice the shift—then go connect.

Key Takeaways

✅ Nothing gets better until you do — when you raise your state, your family follows.

✅ Kids imitate without regulation — they copy your energy, good or bad.

✅ Trying to “stay calm” is masking — practice authentic emotional expression.

✅ Sleep & food drive mood — protect your physiology to parent better.

✅ Quick resets work — breathing, movement, posture, and gratitude change your state fast.

✅ Every family has an emotional thermostat — set yours higher on purpose.

✅ Mentor, don’t micromanage — see misbehavior as a cry for help and coach skills.

Memorable Quote:

🗣️ “Nothing gets better until I do.”

🗣️ “Kids imitate without regulation—set the state you want repeated.”

🗣️ “Trying to be calm isn’t calm. Authentic peace is felt, not faked.”

Chapters

00:00 Navigating Emotional States in Parenting

01:10 The Impact of Emotions on Family Dynamics

02:28 Understanding Emotional Responses and Reactions

03:54 The Role of Self-Care in Emotional Well-Being

05:29 Practicing Emotional Authenticity

06:51 Strategies for Changing Emotional States

08:21 The Ripple Effect of Parental Emotions

10:44 Emotional Literacy and Family Dynamics

12:21 The Emotional Thermostat of the Family

16:24 Understanding the Emotional Thermostat

20:58 Practical Strategies for Emotional Regulation

24:11 The Role of Parenting in Emotional Development

27:37 Seeing Children's Behaviors as Cries for Help

RESOURCES:

Let us help you in your extraordinary family life journey.

How We Raised 7 Well-Adjusted Kids - Without Yelling, Tantrums, Punishments or Power Struggles (+ get THE CHECKLIST: Things We Do Every Day to Raise Well-Adjusted Kids)
Rachel’s ⁠⁠Must-Read Booklist for Well-Read Moms⁠⁠
Greg's ⁠⁠Recommended Reading List for Parents & Youth⁠⁠
Follow us on Instagram: ⁠@worldschoolfamily⁠ or ⁠@greg.denning⁠
Don’t miss out on the Extraordinary Parent Mentoring Method class!
Get Rachel's ⁠⁠Family Systems & Charts⁠⁠
Get Rachel’s Extraordinary Family Life Planner
JOIN GREG'S 90-DAY HEALTH & FITNESS CHALLENGE!
Join the Formidable Family Man Masterclass and Tribe
Gather with us at the ⁠World School Family (Beach & Farm) Resort⁠ in Portugal

0:00

Many people believe that we don't have control over emotions.

If you are in a fantastic emotional date, you're going to respond differently.

When you change your own emotions, that's when the things in your life get better.

Sleeper food are major factors for how you feel emotional.

0:15

That's when then the permanent change occurs.

What was the last time you just stopped and did something you love to do?

Hey there.

This is Greg Denny, we want to reach as many people as possible and help as many families as possible with these conversations.

And we want to keep this podcast ad free forever.

0:32

You can help us do that by subscribing on Spotify or Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen your favorite platform and on YouTube and leave a quick review and share your favorite episodes with friends and family.

It makes a big difference.

Thank you for being a part of this very important movement.

0:49

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Extraordinary Family Life podcast.

We're your host, Greg and Rachel Denning.

Hey, we're.

Going to talk about something that.

All parents.

All humans well deal with man.

It is the human experience.

It's it has such a significant impact on every aspect of our lives.

1:08

If we can change and improve our emotional state, that changes our life.

Like that changes the way you experience life, that changes your parenting, that changes your marriage.

Many people believe that we don't have control over emotions, that they're just something that happened to us.

1:27

Right dictated by circumstances or other people.

Whatever and parenting.

We want our kids to behave because we think if our kids behave, we'll feel better and then we'll have a better experience as a parent.

And so that's what we focus on and put all of our energy in.

But but a major part of this is that when we change our own emotions and in fact our own interpretations about our children fighting, that's what begins to change the circumstances.

1:54

Exactly.

I was saying an exact same thing where it's the reverse.

If we want to really influence our circumstances, we start by changing our, our inner thermostat, right?

And what's happening inside?

I, I, in fact, I did a full training on this yesterday about how the conversations we're having with ourselves and our heads, the thoughts we're having, the beliefs we are operating on, and then the meaning that we attach to things.

2:20

So you can have the best circumstances.

And when you look back, you'll not remember the circumstances.

You'll remember how you felt.

We tend to believe that our experience in family life on a day-to-day basis is, like I said, determined by the behaviors and actions of the people in our family, and that if we could control or improve those behaviors and actions, then we would have a better family life experience.

2:46

We'd have a better parenting experience.

But in reality, when we learn to switch that around and we instead begin by controlling our emotional experience, that is what will shift and transform the rest of our family life experience.

This is one of those things that somehow we have to get so deeply entrenched in our psyche and our our understanding of life and family.

3:10

Like this is the place, it's the starting place.

And then it's, you always go back to the start and always go back to the start.

The, the foundation is the, the chassis on which everything is built.

This is where an extraordinary family life is created and maintained.

3:27

Exactly.

And of course, the biggest challenge with this reality is that it's not easy.

It's difficult because it's much easier for us to respond emotionally to the circumstances in our life.

So if our children are fighting, then, and I guess the better word actually is react, to react emotionally, we react and we're going to get deeper into this.

3:50

We react with the story that we've come to believe about what that fighting mean and we.

React in accordance to where we are when the kids start fighting.

Emotionally, you mean?

Yeah.

So where I am emotionally will determine how I react to the stimulus.

4:11

I promise, if you are in a fantastic emotional state, you feel amazing, you're going to respond differently to the stimulus.

I believe from my own experience that if there are underlying issues that haven't been resolved, and this could be something from your own childhood, your own past experiences as a parent or whatever.

4:32

Even if you are in a good emotional state, if you have some sort of story or belief that's connected to the behavior and it acts as a trigger you.

Go there immediately.

You can immediately revert back to that.

It's essentially memorized emotion.

You're just, you've done it so many times that every time that happens, you just go back to that memorized emotion.

4:51

And so even if you've worked hard to get in a positive emotional state, you can immediately go back to that memorized emotion until you process it and fully release it.

That's when then the permanent change occurs.

So it means obvious there's lots of layers.

5:08

Here, yes there are.

There's layers from our past, the things, the emotions memorize, the emotional programming, the emotional stacking where things just stack on top of each other like, oh, this is.

Happening.

This happened and it was annoying and then that happened and.

Stack and stack.

5:25

Until like explode or implode.

The other layers are just how we feel physically.

Yeah, I know for me, I had a couple of rough nights of sleep last week and I was just paying attention how much more difficult it is to think positively and stay in a good positive state when you're physically exhausted.

5:48

But unless you you have a lot of self-awareness, you know, what you're working on that may not be, you know, obvious.

So often it's sleeper food.

We've talked about that so much, but sleeper food are major factors for how you feel emotionally.

Which obviously is very tough because I remember the time when I didn't sleep a lot because I had babies, I had young children, I was pregnant.

6:12

I mean, I went, you know, 20 years without sleeping or, you know, probably not that long, but I went a long time without good quality sleep.

And that's why it's even more important, I think, for young moms to be aware of the of how much it is impacting them and that they prioritize more the cliche self-care.

6:31

But it's a real thing.

Like when you prioritize that when you decide to take a nap, when the baby takes a nap, Like it's not just for your benefit, it's for the baby's benefit, It's for the rest of the kids benefit so that you can be in a better state to be able to be more emotionally in control, especially empowered.

6:51

We've got to do things to make us feel good.

This is true for men and women.

You know, we, you and I, we work with high achievers, We work with people who are go getters and they've got so much going on and it very often I have to stop and say, well, what are you doing that you actually just love to do?

I ain't got no time for that.

7:07

You know, I'm busy.

Go, go, go.

Like when was the last time you just stopped and did something you love to do?

And it's been a long time.

And for some it's like, oh man, I love painting.

I love drawing.

I love paddle boarding or kayaking.

OK, go.

Let's fit it into your weekly schedule at least, and do things that just fill your well.

7:27

Yes.

OK, So we actually got a question.

Let's let's read the question.

I know we've talked about it some already, but I want to get into more, some more specifics.

So it says what are some practical steps to change our emotional state?

How do we change the energy that we radiate?

7:43

You guys emphasize that it's a choice we can choose, but why does that feel so difficult and strange?

I mean how do you do it so that it is genuine and not a mask?

One thing you mentioned is practicing being grateful I guess another is starting to notice her thoughts and somehow changing them and exercising will also help.

8:03

So a fantastic question can.

I start with the the radiating piece.

It's that's so insightful.

Children practice and live by imitation without regulation, so if I'm edgy, my kids can be explosive.

8:21

It's incredible to me still to this day how much they can pick up on things like that, even way more than many adults do.

But they are, they're great at that.

And so they are, they're observing, they're watching.

And their way of processing that in a way is acting it out in the world.

8:41

But as you were saying, they do it without the ability to regulate because you know, they're prefrontal cortex is not fully developed.

In fact, it's not fully developed until they're like 24.

And so they imitate what they're seeing, but they magnify it.

8:57

And I would say they take their own little interpretation of it.

We have to focus on the feeling that we are feeling because that is directly contributing to them fight.

If we are radiating irritation, annoyance, frustration, they're picking up on that and then they're passing that on to their siblings, right?

9:21

And that's what's contributing to the fighting.

So that is 1 very important element of this.

And it's worth asking yourself and, and honestly evaluating what is your predominant emotion?

What is it you feel like you're feeling most of the time?

That I think would be a a really big indicator to family dynamics and family culture.

9:42

But the other very important piece of of this is just like she says in this question, why does it feel difficult and strange?

And how do we do it so it's genuine and not a mess?

Trying to stay calm is not the same as feeling peaceful.

Like they're, they're not the same thing.

9:59

So even this idea of like, I'm trying to control my emotions, that's not what we're talking about.

In that sense, it's almost trying to mask them.

Right.

That is more, that's closer to masking, right?

So if you're trying to stay calm or you're trying to be peaceful, that is the very opposite of what we're talking about.

10:18

You can't try to do those things.

You either feel peace or you don't, either feel calm or you don't.

But if you try to feel calm, you're essentially feeling some other emotion that you're covering up with a sense of calmness.

I think that's not real.

So important, Rach, because if I'm angry at something my kids are doing, it really bothers me.

10:39

But I'm like I'm, I'm going to be stoic and control.

I'm going to control this anger.

We're emotionally authentic.

If you and I feel angry or irritated or frustrated by our kids, we don't hide that.

We don't go because we feel angry.

We don't go in yelling and screaming at our kids.

10:55

But what we might do is go in and say, guys, I seriously, I just feel so angry right now because when you do this XYZ and I feel like this.

So we give an explanation, we explain and expound on it, but we also don't mask it or hide it.

11:14

We let them know in an appropriate way that they can handle because I don't want them to feel overwhelmed by my feelings, right?

That's not the point either.

Or responsible for my feelings, but I'm also going to be authentic with them by sharing.

This is how I feel when you do this.

11:30

And This is why.

Because when I do that again, we're going back to the energy that we radiate when we we already have the energy, it's there.

If I'm feeling irritated, annoyed, frustrated, the energy is there.

So if I try to control it and try to be calm, I'm not doing that.

11:50

I'm just masking it now.

One of the ways I can process it, which is what ultimately we need to do 1.

I can go in my room and I can process it on my own.

I can go talk to my husband.

I can process it with him, but part of the process may include sharing it with my kids.

12:05

Like I just feel so angry when you do this.

I feel so frustrated or annoyed when you do that, or I feel hurt and sad when you talk to your siblings like that.

I'm being emotionally authentic with them so they understand.

One, I'm a person that also has feelings.

12:21

Two, their actions affect my feelings.

And three, this is a process for processing those feelings so that we can move beyond them and get back to the authentic real feelings we want to have, which is peace and calm, but not fake, actually real because they're actually there, right?

12:41

So I think, I think there's two, maybe 3 really core elements to go with that.

One is we have to be emotionally mature.

Too many adults are not emotionally mature because they were not.

It was never modelled for them from their parents and they're learning it as they go.

The second one is that if we're going to be emotionally authentic, it has to make sense.

12:59

We're doing it based on principle.

So we'll go in and say, hey, kiddos, like it bothers me a lot when you treat each other like that because and and we'll explain like you, you treating other human beings like that.

Not cool at all.

Like people are people, no matter how small we'll get.

13:14

It's it's principal base.

It's not arbitrary.

We have these rule books.

We all have these invisible rule books in our heads about certain things and if the rules in there are ridiculous.

Or hypocritical.

Or.

Arbitrary, like there's no real meaning or purpose.

Kids see right through that.

13:30

It has to be built on like solid principles, like it actually has to matter.

So if, if you're going to be upset about something, you better have a very, very good reason to be upset about.

You really thought through like there's some substance there.

That's the one part.

13:46

The other part is that there's a maturity piece because if you're emotionally mature and you, you're listening to this podcast, you think, oh, I'm going to tell my kids how I feel.

Oh boy, all they're going to see is like an emotional dumpster fire roller coaster.

And like all your emotional flatulence gets going everywhere.

14:03

And, and I think that fits with maybe the third piece where you said, hey, like, I'm going to go in and say this thing happened and I'm feeling like this because of it.

And once it's resolved in process, like you said, then we go back to a good, healthy state.

That doesn't always happen if, if the predominant emotion isn't positive and happy and healthy and good.

14:24

And what are our poor kids going off of?

Where are they supposed to be most of the time?

If you've chosen to operate in lower emotional states, negative states, and that's your predominant emotion, where's the baseline?

14:40

Our poor kids have gone into this world and all they're doing is just taking the world they've.

I'm trying to model it, trying to mirror it.

Because that's all they know.

They think, OK, this is, this is what we do.

I'm trying to take in all this information so, and I can just picture right now these babies.

So they're observing everything and, and within a short time they realize, OK, the way to survive in life is to do that emotional state, whatever one they're born into.

15:06

And that can be really unhealthy and really set them up on a, on a, on a weak foundation.

Well, just as kind of side tangent, I've been reading Power Versus Force by Doctor David Hawkins, and he has a whole scale for energy levels.

15:25

Part of this whole process of developing emotional maturity is developing emotional literacy.

So when you can be able to label and identify and and point out where you are, what emotion you have, that can also be very helpful in helping you understand where you are on the scale that's.

15:41

What I'm referring to like the.

Thermostat.

The thermostat.

Yeah, exactly.

That's what it made me think of.

So your family has this thermostat, this standard emotional consciousness, right?

It's huge.

It is.

It's huge.

And so when you can identify what that is most of the time, well, that's going to help you understand what's going on.

15:58

I'm going to start at the bottom going up.

Shame, guilt, apathy, grief, fear, desire, which he could.

It's more like, you know, craving unhealthy desires, anger, pride.

Then the first very positive emotion is courage, then neutrality, then willingness, acceptance, reason, Lovejoy, peace, enlightenment.

16:24

Right.

So I love this idea.

It's so amazing that every family has an emotional thermostat, a baseline, and it's set.

And it was set unconsciously.

It was just set kind of by defense, just rolling along and you do your thing and life's busy and then set this, this thermostat, this temperature, emotional temperature.

16:43

And so a child's born into it or you're operating and, and having this awareness, just stopping and, and saying, OK, let's let's be honest.

Where would we put ourselves on the scale?

Where do you land?

And that is going to be so powerful.

Because if you realize you're like, you know what, honestly, most of the time we're rolling at a four, maybe A5 on a Good Friday night.

17:07

That's, that's such an important baseline to realize her.

Our emotional thermostat is way too low, right?

And we need to crank this thing up so that we can be operating just at a normal higher big.

Level because the ideal, the goal, at least everything we teach and believe and practice ourselves in the whole Extraordinary Family Life podcast is that we need to be on the positive side most of the time, 3% of the time, right you and I. 95.

17:39

I know, but but you know, you and I and our family experienced a lot of negative emotion last week.

We experienced grief lots because of the death of a a friend's baby.

And that is an emotion we should experience 100% right?

We're not going to be like, oh, we're just going to be in peace and joy that you lost your mouth.

17:58

Last week's this big, big dip, it wasn't just this little dip like, oh, you're, you know, you're, you're kind of low baseline and a little dip.

We're happy and energized most of the time and this massive dip right into grief, which is exactly what should happen when there's grief.

18:16

We're not avoiding it, we're not moving away from it, and we're not already there of like, well, I'm already down here anyways.

Right, exactly.

Which is where, you know, that's where I was as a teenager.

And as a cure, you're down in apathy or fear or desire.

Even anger and bitterness like, you know, changed is when I, I kind of figured we drew a line in the sand and say, you know, all those things happened and they're in the past.

18:39

But from this point forward, my life will be what I make of it.

That's when I started acquiring emotional maturity, right?

The quote that I have on my phone, the reminder every day is nothing gets better until I do.

When you realize that when you change yourself, when you change your own emotions, that's when the things in your life get better.

18:58

Like that's that line in the sand.

That's what changes everything.

And so, so yeah, we're all already operating in one of these emotional levels all the time.

But the goal, the purpose, the point is to increase that so that the the thermostat, the average feeling we have is generally in the positive.

19:22

That's the goal.

The way that's how you get to the extraordinary family life you're after, to increase that level.

Yep.

And the way to teach this to your children is to show them exactly, we have to deliberately get into this high state.

So if I ever wake up and I'm just groggy and I'm just not feeling it, just because I have this routine I've been doing for decades, I don't stay there for more than a few minutes, right?

19:44

Because I'm into my routine, whether I feel like it or not, I'm into my routine because I know my routine will make me feel fantastic.

It'll bring me up into that higher state.

So that's one of the very practical strategies, is that no matter how we wake up, and again, usually most mornings we wake up normal, your body actually uses cortisol to help you wake up.

20:05

And cortisol is the stress hormone.

So when you wake up, generally people don't feel great because your body's flooded with cortisol.

But what we're saying is we have a very deliberate morning routine.

That we do that helps us take us from that cortisol state and and we take actions that deliberately increase other positive hormones.

20:28

Yeah, you're, you're working with your body, your own Physiology and biology, but you're getting into a mental and emotional state and a spiritual state as well.

And you can do this first thing in the morning.

And here's the coolest thing you can do it at any time throughout the day.

20:43

You can pause and get back into a better state any moment.

So if your kids are fighting and they're upset or whatever, and you're being triggered by that, you can stop and do these simple practices and it will reset your, it will change your biochemistry.

So some of the things I do is even simple things like light movements of your body, you just can move your arms around, you know, and all that that helps breathing, intentional breathing exercises is what something I do.

21:11

OK, that's that is the most simple one, just stopping.

Breathing exercises really do make a difference.

Yeah, 230 of those and you start getting a little bit light headed and tingling and like wow.

Or just jump around and and like I can.

I can sense the resistance.

21:28

Because it's real.

Coming back because you guys are like, Oh no, it's so silly.

It's so.

Stupid, I'm not.

That dumb.

We operate in so much self sabotage.

Because we're not willing to do the things that work, yeah.

It's just like, stop.

Do you like how you're feeling?

We literally can get addicted to negative emotions because our T cells or whatever they are, they they create the little.

21:50

Receptors.

Receptors that are searching for the cortisol like they want the cortisol they want those stress.

Stress and the drama and.

And so.

Memorize it or we get addicted.

To it, we're addicted to it.

So a lot of times, yeah, we do want to feel those negative emotions because our body addicted to them and that's what they're used to receiving and that's what they want.

22:09

And so it can feel very much like, no, I want to feel this.

I want to feel anger.

I want to feel shame.

I want to feel guilt.

I want to feel pride.

We can get addicted to feeling that way.

And that answers her question of why it feels so.

Why does it feel so strange?

It's so foreign when I'm I'm trying to feel better and it's like my body is resisting.

22:29

That's why it is.

And so we have to learn these new patterns and, and show our kids how to do the same thing, model for them and and get do have them do the breathing with you.

Have them jump up and down, run in place, do jumping jacks, turn on a song, sit down.

Whenever you notice it's off, just stop.

22:46

Read from a a book that changes your mindset.

Do a meditation.

This whole idea of fake it till you make it, there is a true principle behind that.

Like if you want to be happier, we'll start acting more happier until it becomes normal because you're stuck in this memorized emotion, you're stuck in this addiction to the negative emotion, and you have to retrain your body and change your biochemistry.

23:10

You don't feel like smiling.

It feels insincere.

You're like, I don't, I don't want to smile at all.

But you smile anyways, and you sit up straight.

You fix your pocket and you take some deep breaths and you kind of bounce.

Around.

That's the point.

Like, it actually works if you act like you're excited by doing the things you would do.

23:26

If you're excited, you trick your body into thinking that you're excited.

But releases all these these good feelings and chemicals in your body and you're.

Like I feel way.

Better already and I have things I say to myself.

So I'm I'm addressing my it's called endophagia.

23:43

It's yourself talk.

So I have things I say, I go back to core beliefs that I've instilled in me.

I turn to certain authors or books that just always help me get back in a, a better mindset.

I have spiritual practices, I have emotional practices.

24:00

I've physical practice.

I I've been so deliberate about this.

So in moments I can just totally transform my state.

I'm not going to sit around and.

Just be grumpy for the rest of the day just because you feel grumpy.

We have to be doing willing to do the things that actually work.

Couple of couple other things that work for me is simple meditations like a gratitude meditation, like this morning I was thankful for you and how hard you work and I'll be grateful for the sun.

24:26

Like it's just simple things, right?

And then it's 3 minutes of like a prayer or releasing or whatever, like, you know, help me to level up, help me to be better, help me to improve myself, my life so that I can continue to raise my own energy levels and.

You said something.

24:42

I'd do something similar, but particularly when I have a problem and I know people listening.

Like it's like what?

How do I try to feel good when I'm facing a problem?

Instead of dwelling on the problem, start looking for inspiration.

24:58

Yeah.

In solutions.

Exactly.

How can I do something about this?

What's one step I can take to make this better?

What's One Direction I can go?

And so I start making my mind look for answers and solutions instead of instead of focusing on the problem can't solve.

25:16

Solve the problem.

From the same level in which you created.

Exactly.

You have to raise your own energy levels in order to be able to solve the problem that was created by the energy level that created it, right?

I've started doing something recently that's kind of similar and I'm calling it future journaling.

25:33

But it's this idea of where I'm writing about the solution to the problems I'm facing, but in a future tense as though it's already happened.

So you could do this with your parenting, your marriage.

If you're facing a problem with your children, we'll journal about it as though it's in the future and it's already like been resolved.

25:52

Start figuring this out with Within a few days of practicing these things, you realize, wow, that that's actually really simple and and amazing.

If I'm paying attention and I don't like the level I'm feeling, I can do this, this and that.

You'll you'll find the thing that works best for you.

26:09

Before we end here, as a parent, the things that we face and the things that are triggered in us by our children being children are clues to how we can actually become a better, more developed person.

26:24

So that's one of the perspectives that I brought to parenting that I think made a huge difference is that I never saw the problem as my child.

My child was often revealing something about myself that I needed to change.

And so if I got upset or angry or frustrated by something they said or did, well, I realized the problem wasn't them.

26:47

I, I didn't need to get them to stop doing that thing in order to make the problem go away.

I needed to resolve the issue within myself.

And that would make the problem go away.

And that would often then fix the behavior that my child was exhibiting.

They're doing the things that trigger my emotions because my emotions need to be resolved.

27:05

Exactly.

What I had to do was the inner emotional work.

I had to be like, why?

Why do I feel this way?

Why do I feel so upset?

So that's my invitation here is that we'd have to learn to pay attention to the things that we're feeling, but give it a new meaning.

27:25

I can correct and teach and coach and mentor, but if I make some changes, that problem goes away for good.

I want to share an idea that came to my mind that I think is is significant for us to think about.

What if we look at our our our children and their whole childhood and look at their behaviors as a cry for help?

27:44

Kids are just temper tantrums.

Fighting, being rude, mean.

Angry, selfish, explosive, and these big emotions.

What if we see all of those as a plea, as a cry for help saying hey, I, I, because really that's what it is.

28:02

They're saying I need help regulating this.

I need help figuring this out.

I'm going to go over and I'm going to help them through this.

I'm going to coach them.

I'm going to mentor them through this and give them tools that they can use moving forward.

And, and those things, you address them one by one and then pretty soon there's hardly any issues.

28:21

The cries and pleas for help are so diminished.

That's so powerful.

I firmly believe in in the research shows that a baby under the age of 1 cannot be spoiled.

Like, you can't hold it too much, you can't pick it up too much, you can't stop it.

You know, like every time it cries, you should meet that need.

28:36

That's the foundational aspect of a healthy human psychology.

If you do that for a baby, they're going to have a way better psychology as they grow up.

So that right there solves a lot of problems.

But of course, as they grow and become more independent, then yeah, we need to continually be backing away, backing away appropriately.

28:56

But not, and I love what you're saying because we're not going in to solve their problems for them.

We're going to be staying back saying, well, it's time for you to figure this out.

They don't know how to figure it out.

You're mentoring.

This is why Rich and I are releasing a new parent mentoring course that it's all mentoring.

29:13

You're mentoring and coaching them.

And that's what good parenting is.

You're stepping in not to solve the problem for them, but not to let them just struggle and suffer on their own and and not be able to figure it out.

And they go, oh, they'll get it.

No, they won't.

They're they're too young.

They don't have enough life experience.

29:30

It's to jump in there and coach them, mentor them through this process, give them tools and options or they make the choices.

They then, with some tools, figured out.

Having all the tools is necessary.

Like you need to have the tools because a lot of people fail at parenting simply because they don't have the tools.

29:49

They don't know what they can use.

But even with the tools then you need, you have to develop that wisdom and intuition and inspiration to know when and how to use the right tools.

Ladies and gentlemen, we we can be like this positive emotional tide is another family lifts all the family boats and we can raise that thermostat.

30:13

Even if it's just you, if you're the only one listening, you know, like everyone else in the family is a mess.

You can come in with such a positive radiant force for good.

It can't not have a a good effect because you're just radiating out this good feeling.

30:29

And at first, it'll just be better moments, and then it'll be better days, and then better weeks and then better years because you just have this beautiful radiating warmth through the whole house and you're doing whatever you need to stay at at those higher emotional levels.

30:46

It just has such an amazing effect, preventing so many problems and then helping you address the others.

It's really powerful because it can't can't be emphasized enough how important this is.

And so we start practicing today, right now, I promise, within a moment.

You'll have the chance.

31:02

You'll be tested and you'll have a chance to reset and it's awesome.

So you can choose an emotion and then whenever you get knocked off from that, you can just reset and just keep going back to it.

Keep going back to it until you get better and better and stronger and stronger.

It's staying in a in a good positive emotion.

It's amazing.

31:17

But it it happens by simply doing those very little things that actually can change how you feel, whether it's moving your body, breathing, dancing, going for a walk in nature.

And I guarantee every one of you already knows some of those things.