Why ‘Teens Launching = Moving Out at 18’ Is a Modern Psyop Ruining Generations

It's it's a parenting problem. If your children will only become capable in contributing if you kick them out, you've already failed. Start questioning us. Let's let's see what works and what doesn't. We are unconsciously sabotaging our own success. By the mid- teens, they should be so capable and competent and confident. It's a game changer. Honestly, it really is. Hey there, this is Greg Denning. We want to reach as many people as possible and help as many families as possible with these conversations. And we want to keep this podcast adree forever. You can help us do that by subscribing on Spotify or Apple Podcast or wherever you listen, your favorite platform and on YouTube. And leave a quick review and share your favorite episodes with friends and family. It makes a big difference. Thank you for being a part of this very important movement. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Extraordinary Family Life Podcast. We're your host Greg and Rachel Denning back from our crazy epic Odyssey adventure to Switzerland, Nepal, India, and Bahrain, which we ended up in Bahrain. Wasn't intended cuz our flights, return flights through Switzerland got cancelled. So, we ended up in Bahrain. It was crazy. We got sick. We saw epic things, had crazy adventures. It was a challenging trip. Yeah, it was wild. The most challenging we've ever taken. And while we were gone, there was an massive fire here that threatened to burn down our property and house back in Portugal. It was it was something else. So, there was there was multiple times on this trip where we all just like I just can't wait to get home. I just want to be home and done with this. Yeah. Adventure. So, feeling uh feeling a little bit of that like, okay, we're done with this. Yeah. It's so nice. So, is it nice? I'm actually very excited that we have no other trips on the calendar for at least six months or more. So, of course, of course, we'll take trips cuz we always do, but right now we can just say there's nothing on the calendar. I love it. We have puppies. Lots and lots of puppies here. And the animals are reproducing, expanding, growing, fixing this place. It's awesome. It's just There's so much going on. It is. Well, something we definitely, at least I'm going to be emailing about again, is our study abroad program. We have some young adults coming within the next few weeks, multiples. So, if you're interested in sending your young adult, fantastic. You can email support extraordinaryfamilylife.com to find out more or visit extraordinaryfamilylife.com. There's info there under the young adults and teens. So, that's fun. And then we also have our family study abroad program will be available this fall and winter and spring here in Portugal. So that's something coming up as well. But that involves bringing you guys here to us as opposed to us going somewhere. So I prefer that at the moment. Exactly. Okay. So uh a few weeks ago we we posted about how you know this this whole idea this kind of arbitrary idea of having your kids move out 18 which is a very American idea. Yeah. Let let me let me tell. So really what happened is I found this woman who had posted this idea we had been discussing talking about how the idea of moving out at 18 is actually a scop. Like it's a psych psychological operation that's been used on us. That's kind of a trendy word that's been used. SCOP to make us think that that is the best way to raise your children. That that you need to help them grow up and then move out at 18. launch into adulthood. Like you're saying, it's actually an American or a western idea. It's not something that's found in other countries. Well, if you go across time and space, if you look back generations and then cultures like this, this isn't a thing. Which which is what's funny about the real we posted, all the people from globally are like like this isn't a thing. What are you talking about? I got a lot of those comments. And my response was, it is a thing. I moved out at 18 and I feel like I had that idea. Well, I wanted to move out as 18 also because I was a rebellious teenager, but my aunt who's now in her 60s or 70s, she was essentially kicked out at 18. Like, it's a thing. It's not, you know, not something we made up. I think it's a We can really look into it. My guess is it was kind of World War II when really they set the age for when soldiers when could you be a soldier? When could you go out and die for your country? Oh well, you must be old enough then to be independent, autonomous, provide for yourself, live on your own. Yeah. Now, obviously, there's been time periods in the world where, you know, 13, 14, you were expected to grow up and provide for yourself. Yes. But very, very young. And something we're going to talk about in this whole idea is that I think even in those scenarios generally and and if you look into it, I think you'll find this very often is the case. Generally, there's poor parent child relationships in every one of those cases. Do you know what I'm saying? Like there's a strained parent child relationship or perhaps there's extreme poverty involved. There's a there's some sort of circumstance that's occurring that's forcing that quick growing up. Now, not that not that teens aren't capable of this, of of being very mature and of of providing contributing all of that. like it's it's possible and we want them to do all that. But we're going to share our approach today is like they're going to be capable, competent, independent, mature. They're going to do all the growing up, but it doesn't require that they move out at this and separate. Yes. That they separate as some arbitrary age. Yeah. And I think in the cases where it's actually required or forced or absolutely necessary because of say economic reasons, I think there's a level of I'm going to use this word even though it might be inappropriate to some. There's a level of trauma there that that occurs because the child is forced to grow up and become an adult at such a young age. Now again, tons of people will say, "Well, that happened to me or that happened to my dad and it was a good thing." Yes, it is a good like like there's good things that come from it. You yourself 16 and you know I look back I'm like man so many good things came from that but there was also a lot of scenario trauma that also occurred and you're right it's not the ideal scenario. So what we're talking about which we love to talk about on this podcast we're talking about the ideal scenario. The ideal scenario is going to be a mixture of maintaining that healthy parent child relationship which naturally leads to not wanting to separate especially at 18 because even the science shows that a brain is not fully developed until the age of 25 and at the same time developing competence, competence, contribution. Like you're not creating this baby child that never grows up. We're we're not talking about that. It doesn't have to be mutually exclusive exclusive. You can have both. You can have the child who's competent, confident, capable, contributing, and still stays home until they are ready or need to move out with like marriage or purchasing a property or business or a move, whatever it is, right? A university, all those things. So, I think you're right. It has to be included. And that's what we're going for. We're we're talking about extraordinary family life. We're talking about an ideal. That is the target. My goal. And that's why we got so many comments is like, well, we want your kids to be independent and self-reliant, so they need to go out on their own. My kids are independent and self-reliant. And they've been going out even for months at a time. Starting when they were like 16, 17. They'll go out and work. They'll go out and and travel around the globe. They're like they are very capable and independent, self-reliant, but it doesn't have to. And again, we get this in our heads like, well, the only way our kids will learn that is if we force them out. And that's just not true. It comes back to parenting. Yeah. So, so I did this real. I essentially used her audio. I made my own, you know, I put my own videos on it and made this real. And we got a lot of people, again, the people from other countries saying, "What are you talking about? that's not a thing. And then the and then the people saying, "I totally agree with you. My kids get to stay as long as they need or want." And then of course we get the comments of people that are like, "No, this is a horrible idea because you're going to have entitled, spoiled, lazy children who don't know how to do anything." And and so kind of that's what we want to talk through here is like no like if your children will only become hardworking, competent, capable, and contributing if you kick them out, you've already failed as a parent because they should already be doing those things. Like successful parenting to me is your children are already doing those things and are such great human beings that one, you wouldn't need to kick them out and two, you don't want to because you enjoy being around them so much and they're so helpful. They're so grateful. They're so useful. They're so capable. You don't want them to leave. You want to be with them. They want to be with you. But at any moment, they could walk out the door and thrive. Exactly. That is the ideal. And that I think is what we're trying we want to help reframe. I mean the reason we're doing this podcast, the reason I did this reel, in fact I posted it a couple times, I want to spread this idea because I know for me it's in a way been revolutionary and it resonates with me because I'm like, well, yeah, that's how it used to be. That's how it should be. Families are meant to be generational. Be gen Yeah. multigenerational, intergenerational, not, oh, here you go start your family over here and you start your family over here and we all live separated. That it's not meant to be that way. Now, and to illustrate how this works, our oldest daughter is 23. We never said we kicked her out, but in a way she teases or maybe serious saying we we did kick her out at 18. That was where our mindset was when she was 18. You know, for me, that's where it was. Like, yeah, at 18, you should be moving out because that's what how I had grown up believing, that's how you'd grown up believing. Well, what I'm trying to say is like in that even in that short period of time, our mindset has switched on this like 360. It's so crazy cuz so the nuclea of the nuclear family, especially in the US, really started in the 40s, 50s, 60s. So by the time we were born in the late 70s, it was already like you know ingrained in society. It was cultural expectations. So we grow up we just as a kid or you just you you don't even question you don't think to question it. You don't think why are we do this like oh this is just the way things are done. Mhm. So by the time we're raising our kids like oh 18 on you go never going wait a minute where does this arbitrary number come from? Why is that even a thing? Does it happen in other cultures? Has it happened throughout time? What are the pros and cons of it all? We just no thinking. It's like we'll roll along. We'll keep paring. And that's what's happening. I I want to point out that a lot of these uh Oh, go ahead. Go. Go ahead. Go. Are you going to remember? Yeah. Okay. Cuz I was just going to say even even though cuz we started traveling when our oldest daughter was four and we had four kids under the age of four and and we started to see some of this in other cultures that they lived they continued to live together interg generationally. you know, they weren't moving out at 18. In fact, they were living there till they were 20 or 30 or even longer sometimes or or forever. They spent their whole life with their family. I often assume though that was out of desperation and poverty. Well, and and I think that's how we we did think about it because we thought, oh, well, they're in a developing country, so they do that because they have to. And so that was part of our thinking. So even though we were seeing it, we still didn't totally connect the dots of like, wait a second, why does America do it differently? And why do we have this assumption that if your child doesn't move out at 18 and can't handle living on their own and and being success, whatever, like all these things that somehow now they failed to launch and you failed to prepare them, you know, like that's the way we thought about it. And so now we're saying, well, wait a second. No, that that's a faulty idea. That's the idea that's wrong because even simple things like the fact that the prefrontal cortex isn't fully developed until the age of 25. Like adulthood doesn't automatically begin at 18 and they shouldn't automatically now be ready to handle everything that life throws at them simply because they are 18. And in fact that we want to talk about in this episode is that they're going to be even more prepared if they have a longer amount of time at home with you to be a part of this critical young adult phase when you can help them and guide them as they make very important decisions. Yeah. As they learn how to handle challenges at a new level, right? The adult skills challenges. you're there to guide and help them through this process rather than requiring them to figure it out all on their own because they moved out. Yeah. And so really if you're looking at maybe 10 10 to 25 is this stage of education, development, skill development, growth. And if we see it as that, it's like no and it just intensifies. It keeps increasing in intensity. It hit 15 and it hit 18, it hit 20. It's like it just keeps increasing where they are really truly deeply digging into a world-class education like the books, the academics, just really deep powerful education and skill development skills for for life and for uh career and occupation. Yeah. So, and if we are supporting that, so instead of saying 18 year old on your own, it's like no I man 16 16 up 16 to 25 I'm going to support them in like pursuing all these really good things, experiences, classes, courses, you know, training, apprenticeship, like all of this stuff that's going to help them be extremely valuable in the marketplace and in society and in family. Well, and this is kind of a little side note, but I I found it very fascinating because I'm I'm pursuing my bachelor's in psychology and I was taking my psychology class and you know, I've I've heard of Ericson before, Eric Ericson, and I'm familiar with his stuff, but what was really interesting to me is because he's separated he's done all the stages of development, which for me, I was mostly familiar with the stages of childhood up to young adulthood. But then when I was reading through this, he also classifies the stages of adulthood as well. And he considers young adulthood to be up to the age of 40, which I thought was really interesting. Well, because he says around 40 is when you really start contributing. Yes. Yes. So in this process of life development and stages of life it's after 40 you really start contributing because before that you're gaining education experience and exposure to have something to contribute. Yes. Exactly. So I thought that that was really interesting because imagine if we totally reframed things and we thought oh you're not a full contributing adult until 40. Like how would that alter our relationships with our families? You know what I'm saying? Like as mature adults in our 40s, we would still be fully engaged in the process of mentoring our children through their young adulthood because we realize how crucial it is to setting them up to contributing in their later years. I mean, it could totally like like you just expand the vision of your role as a parent where I feel nowadays so many parents feel like 18, I'm done, right? And it's like they never think about parenting their child after the age of 18. And so you're done somehow. And that's part of the that's part of the SC up, right? Because it's the nuclear family. It's dividing. It's separating. It's it's like I can wash my hands now. I'm done. I did the bare minimum. My kids survived till 18. Now you're out now. You figured out and then I can just do what I want. It's like what a dumb idea. There's no generational family there. It's like procreated. I fed them and cleaned up after them for 18 years and then get out of my life. You're annoying me. This is messed up. So now I know a lot of you listening and a lot of people commented like, "No, no, that's a dumb idea. Moving out is the best thing ever. You know, I moved out. I know people who moved out. That's so good." Whatever. And and America's the best way. I just want you to pause and realize that hands down the United States is one of the most ill, diseased, broken societies on the planet. But if if we don't travel extensively and have experience outside of it and and study history, you just think, "Oh, this is a human experience. That the widespread mental illness is a human experience." No, it's not. It's a cultural it's a societal experience. the mental illness, the emotional illness that's that's being experienced right now in the US is not widespread. It's not worldwide. Unfortunately, it is spreading. And one example of that is we went to Mongolia last year um in 2024 and we were beginning to see the start of this because they now had internet more widespread. Well, see that's a cause of social media. Yeah. Yeah. The social media. But what the point I wanted to make is that previous to that, you had been there in 2017, I think. So, somewhere around there. Yeah. And it was really interesting because you had this little guide that she took you on the trip with the whole group and everything and and she said something to you like, "Oh, what do you do for work?" And you're like, "Oh, I I help families. I coach them. I mentor them. I help them in their parenting and this and that and the other." and and you mentioned whatever mental health and all. She'd never even heard of heard of the concept of the concept. Yeah. And then said something like, "Oh, you wouldn't have a job here." Yeah. There's no word for you here because we're so happy and healthy. And especially in a country like Mongolia, they are so family focused. They're a country that I love to talk about how I would be almost a fourth level mom there because they literally give out awards to mothers for the number of children you have. So if you have eight children, you're a fourth level mom. I have seven, so I'm almost fourth. I'm a third level mom, you know, like they really value family. And so that's being lost, though. It is being lost. They said just in the last couple years because of social media now, you know, where where they were just excited and motivated to get married and have families, now they're like, wait, they're seeing all these people's like, oh, I can just I can just basically here's the problem. It's like, I can just do what I want. You know, what's being promoted is selfishness and ease. ease, comfort, convenience, selfishness, just do what you want when you not, whatever. And so now all these young adults are seeing that like, whoa. And it seems so attractive online. Yeah. It seems so attractive on social media like what I do whatever I want whenever I want. This is the best and no it leads to an empty life and severe physical health unfortunately mental health and emotional health. So we need to be questioning it's in a way something that is being exported from western countries because that's where it's originating. And so the point being though it is a cultural thing. It's not something that's necessarily inherent or global, right? That this is something that we have learned from our society by growing up in the west. And there there are so many examples from great books, great historians, great societies, even the scriptures because people were like, "Well, no, I don't know." They they they go so we get so blinded by the idea we grow up in that you just go look for confirmation bias. You're looking everywhere. You just like start questioning it. Start saying, "Well, wait a minute. Let's let's see what's actually there, what works and what doesn't." Now, obviously, this isn't failproof. It isn't for every family. Mhm. If parents are dysfunctional, like that's where I'm like, yeah, the kids should move out. Well, okay. So, let's read a couple of these comments cuz one of them was like, hm, I'm going to have to think about this because it wouldn't work for every child dot dot dot gamers. I agree with you. This wouldn't work for a gaming child, but kind of pause. So they're they're looking at the strategy of like let your kids stay longer and think that strategy won't work because I have a gamer and we want to kind of challenge that by saying if you have a gamer in my mind if I have a gamer I've already failed at parenting. So it's not this strategy that doesn't work. It's the fact that I raised a gamer. And you might say well no it's not my fault. And I'm going to say yeah it is because you're the parent. If you've allowed your child to become a gamer, then that is a failure in my mind. Now, we all fail at things. That's okay. It's not a problem. We just then have to resolve it somehow. Fix it. It's more difficult when they're older, but it's possible. And yes, I would agree that if your child is already, say, 18, is in gaming, yep, I guess maybe they do need to go. So, to reframe it, it's it's not that um the strategy won't work because I have a gamer. It's like, well, your parenting strategy is not working. And that's why this won't work either. That's why you have gaming. Yeah. And that's one one thing I wanted to make is that in all these comments that came in, many of them were just um revealing. They were selfrevly. Yeah. So the parents like, "My kids can't stay cuz they're just lazy and they don't do anything. They don't help out. They don't contribute. They just want to sleep all day. So there's no way I'm doing that. What a dumb idea." And he's like, "No, it's not the idea. It's your parenting strategies, your lack of parenting skills that have led to kids who don't contribute, who aren't respectful, who are sleeping in, who taking advantage of you, who aren't helping out. It's it's a parenting problem, not an idea or philosophical problem. And again, this is not meant to attack parents or make them feel bad or guilty because the analogy we love to use is that if we told you you suck at tennis, that's not because we think you're a bad person. And it just means you don't have good tennis skills. And parenting, just like tennis, is a skill that you learn. And so if you don't have good parenting skills because you've never taken parenting lessons, shocking, they don't exist. That doesn't mean you're a bad person. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. You just haven't taken the lessons and you haven't practiced so that you have the parenting skills. Just like is if you don't have tennis skills because you didn't take tennis lessons and practice. Same thing. so important. So, it's just bringing up a point. Oh, you obviously lack parenting skills because you haven't learned them or practiced them. That's that's all we're saying, right? And and one of those that comes up all the time that I hear so frequently and and I've been hearing this for decades is these parents are like, I can't wait till my kid turns 18 to get out of this house. And and their their relationship with them was so bad, so dysfunctional. the way the behavior, the dynamics and the family culture was so bad, those parents would have joyfully kicked their kids out at 14, 15, 16, 17, but it's illegal. Mhm. And so, you know, that's that's another reason 18 is because that's when it's legal. They're for whatever reason, you know, certain countries have said, okay, 18 is the legal age of an adult. And so, parents are just waiting until it's legal to kick their kids out. Otherwise, they would have done it before. But again, it's not has nothing to do with age or legality or anything. It's like, no, you you're you're failing the relationship. Yeah. Exactly. Have the relationship you want and be the the caliber of parent your kids need you to be. Right. Exactly. So then the real problem comes back to the lack of skills as opposed to this whole idea of launching. Right. Exactly. So okay, like this comment says disagree. It's called failure to launch and enabling your kid to live off the parents and to not make their mark in the world. Well, this is exactly revealing this concept we've been talking about that we've we have been trained as a society to believe this that if your child does not move out at 18, then you're enabling them. They're living off of you and they can't make their mark in the world and they failed to launch. And we're saying, yeah, we we used to believe that in many ways, and now we're saying that is wrong. And we still do. And still we have multiple podcast episodes. We talk about failure to launch all the time, but failure to launch has literally nothing to do with the age 18. It has to do with the cultivated and developed ability to be self-reliant and contribute, to be more mature, to be more independent. Right? And independence begins happening from the very like adolescence. No, I'm talking about real independence starts it's happening the entire childhood like when they stop nursing and then when they stop you know being held and then when they are walking and crawling like all of that is a form of developing independence. So it's ongoing and so the independence should be continuing even in you know 18 19 20 that is of course the goal. Exactly. We're not talking again about having baby children that never grow up. The independence is happening but it doesn't mean it has to happen by them being separated from you. That is what we're emphasizing that that's a false idea. And so we need to and I think and I'm saying this because I really strongly believe this. We need to get rid of this idea. We should not be requiring or expecting our children to move out at 18. But the other side of that coe is we need to be teaching them the skills that we think they would be learning when they move out. We need to be long before 18. Long before 18. Yeah. like they should be learning these basic things when they are 14, 15, 16, 17. And one of the examples at least in our life that that this has been happening is you and I have been able to take trips. You know, we'll go away on couples getaways or our anniversary or different things like that. and we have left our children alone taking care of each other uh way before 18, you know, so that and they do a great job. They do an amazing job. They take care of each other. They cook, they clean, they they're responsible, nothing bad happens. So I I guess and here's here's part of this where the skill and strategy comes in is parents often moms are doing all the cooking, all the cleaning, all the laundry, all the shopping, everything for their kids until they're 18 and finally she's like, "I'm exhausted. I'm done. You leave now." So I don't have to do it. There's your problem, right? I mean, starting at 10, 11, 12, your children should be doing the dishes. They should preparing meals. They should help with shopping 100% should be doing the laundry. Washes her own laundry. They should all be doing that. So that that the cultivation of life skills is already there. Yeah. My son that's 20 currently who is extremely competent and capable and helpful. He he does all the grocery shopping for us. At 12 he was washing the family's the family's laundry. The laundry for the entire family he was doing at 12. Yeah. Because that was the job he chose. He wanted that job. Not again this isn't slavery and I was making him do it. He chose to do that job. That was the one he wanted. So I I don't know. I guess I got to re-emphasize this. We fail as parents if we are not deliberately, proactively, and consistently teaching and training our kids in life skills from a very early age. So that by the mid teens, they already should be so capable and competent and confident and grateful. Yeah. and great attitudes, contributing, carrying their weight. They're not sitting around entertaining themselves. They're not whining, crying, complaining. They're not screaming you that you should pick up their dirty socks and do their laundry and go get them things. Like, that's just a epic failure in parenting. Exactly. There was Okay, so one of the other comments that we did get quite a few of cuz this this this specific reel got like over 3 million views and we had hundreds and hundreds of comments, but one reoccurring theme was people saying I moved out at 18 because I like this one to get away from my abusive parents and to stop being forced to be their personal mate. So, we also want to emphasize that this is not another aspect of it. We're not preaching or teaching. And especially when we talk about how helpful our children are and they're doing all these things. Well, it's not because they're forced to do them either. They are taught, encouraged, praised, sometimes even paid for doing these things that they're doing, right? And they do it joyfully because they want to help out. do it because they feel maybe joyfully isn't always the right word, but willingly. They do it willingly. And in fact, that that is one of the approaches I use. I don't force my kids to do chores. In fact, I have a perfect example just I think from yesterday. Um my two youngest girls who obviously I think do the least amount of chores because they're the youngest of a big family of competent people. Um they're 11 and eight, almost nine actually. And I asked them to, my daughter had loaded the dishwasher earlier. I asked her to unload the dishwasher and then I wanted her to load it because I was going to go do something else and she didn't want to. And I said fine, I'll do it myself, which I, you know, I say sincerely like, I will do it myself. If you're not going to do it, I'm going to do it. So, they know that. Well, of course, my 20-year-old did it while I was gone because he overheard the conversation and so he loaded the dishwasher, which I very much appreciate. But that little example right there, I guess, illustrates the approach that we take, they realize if they don't help, I will do it or someone else willingly offers to do it instead. That is a model for willing participation because they recognized that their help is actually needed and appreciated. And so even in that moment where she didn't choose to do it, she saw what happened, right? And that because this has happened with all of our kids, that then is becomes a thing of like, you know what? Yeah, I want to be that kind of person because they all look up to their big brother. They're like, he's amazing. He's helpful. He's he's kind, he's loving, like he's a great person. And they recognize that part of being a good person is willingly doing more, taking on more responsibility, doing more things, and like doing it because you want to because it's genuinely appreciated. Well, and and you're showing your gratitude and carrying your own weight, so to speak. It's like you you realize like, oh yeah, I you know, there's a cost for me being alive and and I want to participate in that cost. Also, I'm I'm directly illustrating for them that if they don't do the work, someone else has to do the work. The work has to get done. And that can backfire obviously cuz some kids be like, "Sweet. All I have to do is resist and then everything else will be taken care of for me." And that's not how we roll here. Exactly. There's no free rides. works because especially because they have the example of the older ones and they see like yeah this needs to get done and people do it and yes it can for sure backfire which is why we have other headgates in place exactly and other philosophies and strategies and teachings we're constantly teaching and and training them and so then there's parts where it's like oh do this for me it's like no that's something you do for yourself I'm not going to do it for you and oh you didn't help out with this thing. Sorry. And it's not manipulative. It's not mean. It's just like matter of fact, like you're you're exposed to real life consequences. Like you didn't help out, so you don't get the reward. Like, and sometimes simple things like, you know, well, you've been asking for this thing for me. Like our daughter wanted to go buy yarn. It's like, you're asking for something. I'm also asking you for something. Exactly. Right. And and that was one of the reasons she actually loaded the washer earlier in the day. I'm like, you need to, you know, it it's a give and take. I'm going to give and you're going to give and you know that's how it works. It's this mutual relationship where you are willing to contribute and do things I ask and I'm willing to do things you ask too, right? So that's another part of the strategy. But the point is ultimately what we're trying to say is we need to be teaching and raising our kids long before 18 to recognize the importance of contributing to the family and and and beginning to participate in contributing to the family so that we don't have to worry about them being 18 and on one side being a slave so they want to leave and on the other side being so lazy and um entitled that you want them to leave. Exactly. Exactly. Right. We don't want either scenario. We want the happy middle ground where they are contributing, they are competent, they're willing and you enjoy being around them and you don't want them to leave because they're such great people. That's the magic space at least for me. I love it. I um so I actually started working I know it sounds crazy. I started working with teens when I was a teen. I was going down the girl boys and girls club. I was helping out because I was struggling. I was out on my own. I was it was hard and I wanted to give back and I wanted to share what I was learning or at least offer some help. So, I've been involved in that space and it's amazing to to keep kind of have your finger on the pulse for the last 30 years literally and to see what works and what doesn't. And and I've seen it. I've seen it all. And I'm I still work with teens every week and it's awesome. And even since then, I hear people talk so negatively about the teen years and adolescence and oh, they're starting puberty and so terrible. It's actually amazing. And teens are they're fun and and energetic and and they're just experiencing all the ups and downs and crazies of life, the the triumphs and the tragedies, and they're they're feeling it all. And they get all fired up and passionate about things. And sometimes they get excited and interested in the wrong things and in the right things and they're all over there trying to figure out who their identity of it. It's really awesome. It really is powerful and they're amazing. The problem is as as a as a are missing the opportunity and they're they're viewing it wrong. They're they're showing up in the wrong way and so they're creating a lot of the problems. But then you talk to everybody, you know, the common thing is like, oh, it's just the teen years. all it's hormones and it's just attitudes and oh that's just the way it is. No, it isn't. That's it's common because it's so frequently being done wrong. But with the right tools and strategies, the right systems, it's actually incredible. So so so enjoyable and fun. And so we've, you know, we've in our family of seven children, we've had five teens so far and it's been amazing. It has been absolutely amazing. And and working with teens has been amazing. So, like it it's all there. Just you just have to have the techniques and the proven practices and principles, which I I'll throw this in there. We just Rachel and I created this phenomenal phenomenal parenting program. We call it the extraordinary parent mentoring method and it comes with coaching too. And we're just releasing now the this new cohort for adolescence. So parents of adolesence. So the parents of adolescence, right? So it's just preparing for the people call the tween years. This is when you're starting puberty and adolescence and the teens. And it's it's all about like the way it turns out for the for the teen and for the entire family dynamic and culture and even legacy I would say is how we prepare for and how we handle those years. And those are brief years and they fly by. They're pretty intense and they go so fast. But it's worth every single effort. It is literally worth every single effort to prepare for and perform well during those years. Well, and then going back to the analogy I was using before, the parenting parenting skills really are learnable. There's something you can gain just like you can gain tennis skills or piano skills or cooking skills that you can apply immediately. Absolutely. Like I love you're saying that it's like today you're like hey do this I can do that today and and do it today and do it every day and like oh that just changed our dynamics. Exactly right. So it really doesn't because so many people to me tell me these things of like well it's just so complicated and it's just so difficult and yes I realize that that is true but it also can be less complicated and it can be less difficult when you have the right skills. It's like cooking, you know. And this is actually a really good analogy for me because years ago, you and I, we lived in the Dominican Republic back when our children were small and we literally lived in this little house in a coconut grove. We had no internet. We had no connection to the outside world. We had no cookbooks. We had nothing. And no grocery stores. Yeah. No grocery stores. That to me is the time when I actually learned how to cook for real because I learned the principles behind the ideas of cooking but you know instead of simply just following a recipe. Now the point I want to make with parenting though is that having both is the ideal. It's great to have a recipe but when you also learn the principles behind what makes a recipe work that's when you actually produce the magic. But we want to have both. We want to have parenting recipes, but we also want to have the parenting principles because that's the magic right there. And so I think ultimately, you know, that's what we're teaching in the parenting course and in our coaching, which we meet every single week, every Wednesday. So this Wednesday, we're going to meet again live to discuss this and and learn the parenting, learn how to gain the parenting skills because that really does make the difference. Yes, it's a game changer. Honestly, it really is. Just this morning, our our German friends were over and I was asking him if he knew how to prepare sauerkraut and schnitle and these German meals and he's like, "Nope." And I'm like, you know, we got talking about it and he realized he he just and I don't know the history beyond that, but his grandma was very poor and had no idea how to cook and so she just made everything out of potatoes and flour. That's what he said. And that's it. And so like there wasn't there weren't any meals. It wasn't traditional German food. It wasn't like these multicourse beautiful delicious things. It was just potatoes and flour. And so his mom not knowing any different like was that's all she did. And until they started doing the process, right? So then then they all came out. I was like, "Oh, I go to the grocery store and I can buy this little package and I just throw box of hamburger helpers, right? And you just pour the the package in the pot with the seasonings. who knows what's actually in it and just pray that and like oh now I make meals and so now it's you know three generations down it's like like there's nothing there and the same is true with parenting some of us like our parents or our grandparents were doing something wrong we didn't know it was wrong we didn't know it was ineffective it just got passed down and so unconsciously you you it was done to you so you grow up and you do it to your kids and you you get the same crap result it's like horrible food, you know, you could cook that, right? You know, you could like add some ingredients. You know, you could turn down the temperature or turn up the temperature. You know, you like you don't have to just use potatoes and flour. Like there's so much out there, but we don't know what we don't know. It's this apocryphal story that I heard in band class in high school, right? you know where this who knows where it came from because other people have other versions but basically this guy this woman was preparing dinner and she's chopping the ham and they're chopping the end off the ham and the daughter's like why are you cutting that off and she's like well that's just how you do it and that's just how my mom did it and so then they call mom and she's like I I don't know that's just the way my mom did it and so then they call grandma why do you cut the end off the ham and she's like I just never had a pan bigger enough to put it in, right? And so for three generations, they had been cutting the end off the ham only because she didn't have a pan that fit the ham. So it's that kind of idea like, you know, we're doing these things where we are unconsciously sabotaging our own success. We're creating the terrible teens. We're creating the terrible twos. And we don't know it because we just think, well, that's how it's always been done. That's how my mom did. That's how my grandma did. That's just the nature of teenagers. But as you and I were talking the other day about a situation with an employee of ours and and I said and I believe this firmly and and not said in judgment, but she's creating her own problems. And you said, "Well, she doesn't know that." And I said, "I know, but just because you don't know you're doing it doesn't mean you're still not creating your own problems." And I think as parents, that's happening way too often for too many of us. So unconsciously and and we could say innocently creating your own problems. Yeah. And you don't know it, but that doesn't mean you're still not doing it. You're still creating your own problems even if you don't know that you're not doing it. Exactly. And so that's why the mentoring, especially in this program, is so powerful because it helps bring awareness to the things you don't know that you don't know that you're doing that are causing your problems that you don't know are causing your problem. Exactly. And then you get just a simple replacement. You're like, "Oh, now I know I can do this better and it's so much easier and it changes the outcome." So again, I get let's just wrap up on this this vision, this dream, this ideal of your teens before 18 are competent. They're capable. They're confident. They have great attitudes. They're self leaders getting up on they're going to bed. They're getting up. They're they're leading their own education. They're helping out a ton. Like they're leading their lives already as teens. So if they needed to move out at 16 or 17, 18, easy. They could do it and thrive. But they don't need to. Mhm. because they're going to keep working on their education and keep developing their skills so that they are ready for marriage or uh to start a business, be entrepreneurs or or to contribute society, serve a mission or to go to college or whatever it is they choose to pursue or join the family business like all that stuff cuz we're trying to create a a phenomenal family legacy and generational wealth and generational education. We didn't touch on it enough like the reasons why you don't want to this to happen meaning aka they move out. Part of the reason we touched on a little bit like part of the reason is you can continue mentoring through mentoring them through these phases and that's very useful but the other key is that it helps them build financial stability. It also continues to contribute to the family wealth because part of the whole idea behind the SCOP is if your children move out when they're 18, that benefits big business, that benefits other other companies because now instead of them paying rent to you or you consolidating all the rent and expenses in one household, they have their own household expenses and their own rent and their own insurance. So other companies are getting more money and rather than keeping it within the family besides the fact that if you do really want to build generational wealth and one of the you know one of the comments I did receive they were like building the family legacy. Haha so funny. I'm like no you're missing it. You do need to be building a family legacy. You do need to be building generational wealth. you, your family, your children should now contri contribute to your real estate portfolio, right? Like they should be helping you. One idea and they become a part of it. Like Yeah. One other idea I've seen that we have friends that do this is that when their children do move out, they actually buy a house in wherever their children are going to be living that they they now own which becomes a part of the family real estate portfolio and that's where their child lives. If they can pay for it, great. If they can pay part of it, great. But ultimately, it's contributing to the family legacy and the family wealth as opposed to they're just paying rent to some random person, right? That other guy benefits or the government benefits, whatever else. Exactly. It's totally refraraming all of this of like, oh yeah, wait a second. How do we as a family keep more of our own money so it goes to us instead of going to other places? In our case with our business, it's beneficial and and anyone that owns a business, it's way more beneficial to pay your family members for working to work for you than it is to pay someone else or to just spend it somewhere else. Like that that's a tax write off. Like there's so many financial benefits. Like there's a whole strategy for that. And you get to teach your kids business strategy and and all the business skills and and they get to earn not not just a free gift, they get to earn equity in a real estate or a business or or whatever. Like our son is right now like he's literally doing the projects and the handyman jobs here at our resort, right? Our we've got 13 acres. We have I don't even know the square footage. Huge. He's literally putting sweat equity into this, right? And he and he loves it because he's learning new skills every day. That's He's that kind of guy. He's a hands-on kind of guy. He loves building, fixing, doing all that. So, well, and our daughter's investing in it, too. And it's Anyways, it's awesome. So, is it for everybody? No. Is it for dysfunctional families? Nope. You know, if I if if I were a young adult right now or a youth and and I was in a family that was really really unhealthy and and I'd be like, I'm out. Mhm. I'm out of here. That's a good question. And but if I'm a parent and like, oh, the kids aren't ready for this. I'm not going to look at the strategy and say that strategy doesn't work. I'm going to look at my parenting say my parenting isn't producing the child who can fit like this to become to create this ideal. So, I'm going to make adjustments in my parenting strategies. And so, we have a phenomenal relationship. So even if your kid decides, you know, yeah, I do I do want to go out to college or in military or wherever, whatever your kid wants to pursue and do, great. The relationship should be absolutely phenomenal and the pursuit of education should continue. I think that's we haven't even touched on this, but I'll I'll finish with it. That's one thing that kills me is because these kids are moving out at 18 and they have to start working or doing all this other stuff, they're not getting a world-class education. Even and I know this is going to hit some people even if they're going to college who think well they're going to college they're getting an education. No. In fact Dr. Aean who is a brain specialist he talks about how horrible college is on a teenage brain a young adult's brain because one they're not sleeping they're staying up late. They're often drinking. They're partying eating garbage. They're stressed out of their minds. He said college, he he literally has said things like college should not be a thing that young adolescent brain development for the brain. Yep. Exactly. So it's it's not working. It's not creating the end result we want. Whereas if if we can support and encourage our children who are leading themselves and leading their lives, they're they're going to get better sleep, they're going to eat better, they're going to get better education, they're going to get better skill development. they're just going to be so much better off. And because we have a great relationship, all of us are so much better off and we're happier. We're happier when we're together. And this is a real thing. It's not some pie in the sky. We are literally so happy spending time with our all of our children, but I would say especially our young adult children. Now, we we do currently have two young adults who are out. Our oldest is married, so she's with her husband. And then we have a son who's serving a mission for our church and we in a foreign country speaking a different language. It's fantastic and and it's a great experience for both of them and we're so happy for them and they are thoroughly enjoying what they're doing. But we miss them. We miss him a lot and we love spending time with our other two young adult children who are still at home and we all just like it just makes us so happy. I don't know like I don't know how to talk about how happy we are just being together and and I love and I think part of the reason I love it so much is that because I moved out at 18 again I was rebellious child. my dad was controlling. Um, and so we didn't have that. I I never experienced this myself, but I love seeing my kids want to hang out with me every day. Like my son who's 20 and my daughter too, but like especially him, he's so intentional about like, okay, it's lunchtime. Let's go have lunch together. Like he wants to make sure we're doing it together, right? And so we're doing our separate activities, but then he wants to coordinate, hey, let's eat lunch together. Let's have dinner together. Like he wants to have that together time. And then it's like, okay, it's it's the weekend. Let's do something together. Like they want to be with us and they want to spend time with us. And I just find that so heartwarming. Well, it's just awesome. And we love it, too. And and it's important to point out like our kids aren't needy and clingy and we aren't we aren't those never let go of our kids and never let them go anywhere or do anything and these two are the same ones who went to Budapest by themselves and they went to Oslo by themselves and they flew to Serbia by themselves. Like they're they're traveling all wonder and have and go out and have hard experiences and we're just like yeah sucks. Deal with it like and let them experience that. So and there's no drama. We don't have the iconic the the typical family drama and the fighting and all the garbage. Not that we don't have disagreements or like differing opinions because we definitely do. We have strong opinions, but we work through it and we learn how to negotiate it and we learn how to laugh about it, you know, and it doesn't become this huge like there's no fighting. None. Yeah. That's awesome. So, um, get clear, ladies and gentlemen. Get clear about your ideal. Like spend some time really thinking about this. Like what what does it look like? Your family legacy dream. And then once you are clear about what it is, now start figuring out how to build it, make it happen. And and especially that means getting the knowledge and skills. Parenting skills. Exactly. The parenting skills to make it happen. So love you guys. Family's everything. The work we do with our family is the most important thing there is. And I mean that sincerely. It's the most important work focus where we put our energy, our effort. Yeah. The mission is that's what it is. So lean into it. Give it give it all your best stuff. Invest in yourself and your family to that end. Make the sacrifices so that that's at the top of of the most important things you do. Love you guys. Reach up work.

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