Jan. 14, 2026

How to Rebuild a Broken Connection With Your Child

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Parent child attachment is the foundation of emotional health, behavior, and resilience at every stage of development. In this episode, we explore how attachment forms, how it affects behavior from toddlerhood through the teen years, and how parents can intentionally rebuild connection through presence, co-regulation, physical affection, and emotional attunement. When attachment is strong, discipline becomes easier, trust deepens, and family life becomes more peaceful and fulfilling—no matter your child’s age.

Are you struggling to connect with your child—even though you love them deeply and are trying your best?

Have you ever wondered why behavior issues, emotional distance, or constant conflict keep showing up in your family—no matter how hard you work at parenting?

In this powerful episode, we break down a truth that changes everything: good parenting ultimately comes down to strong attachment and connection with your children.

Whether you’re parenting toddlers, teens, or somewhere in between, every behavior—tantrums, rebellion, withdrawal, anxiety, defiance—points back to attachment. And the good news? Attachment can always be rebuilt.

We dive deep into why early attachment matters, how patterns formed in infancy can carry into the teen years and adulthood, and—most importantly—what you can do now to repair broken bonds, rebuild trust, and create lasting connection with your child.

This episode is both hope-filled and practical, showing parents exactly how small, intentional changes—like presence, co-regulation, physical affection, and emotional attunement—can completely transform family dynamics.

If you’ve ever felt discouraged, blamed yourself, or wondered if it’s “too late,” this conversation will give you clarity, direction, and confidence moving forward.

Family work is the most important work—and success is in the details.

Watch the full video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQxLUerQ1z0

🔑 Key Takeaways

✅ Behavior problems are attachment problems—and attachment can be healed

✅ Strong connection prevents tantrums, rebellion, and emotional shutdown

✅ Presence matters more than rules, lectures, or discipline

✅ Co-regulation must come before correction

✅ Physical affection and emotional validation build nervous system safety

✅ Even teens still need you as their emotional anchor

✅ Small daily check-ins prevent big problems later

✅ Parents must be willing to grow, change, and take responsibility

💬 Memorable Quotes

🗣 “Good parenting comes down to good connections with your kids.”

🗣 “If there’s misbehavior, there’s an attachment issue underneath it.”

🗣 “Presence—not perfection—is what heals broken bonds.”

🗣 “Just because something is common doesn’t mean it’s healthy.”

🗣 “Parents have to level up—children aren’t the problem.”

⏱️ Chapters

00:00 Reflections on Family Legacy and Connection

00:35 The Importance of Family Work

01:27 Understanding Attachment in Parenting

02:23 Neuroplasticity and Rebuilding Connections

03:36 Creating Bonds with Children

05:25 The Role of Dads in Parenting

05:51 Identifying Attachment Disorders

07:31 Strategies for Rebuilding Connections

07:46 The Power of Presence in Parenting

08:41 Engaging with Children Effectively

09:32 Practical Tips for Connection

11:43 The Importance of Physical Affection

15:03 The Importance of Touch and Co-Regulation

16:28 Emotionally Attuned Parenting

18:06 Navigating the Balance of Support and Independence

19:56 Rebuilding Attachment and Connection

22:18 Engaging in Shared Activities for Bonding

26:32 The Role of Parents as Emotional Anchors
30:04 Creating a Life of Connection and Fulfillment

0:00

Ultimately, good parenting comes down to good connections with your kids.

We need to be creating bonds with our children.

Family work is the most important work.

If you do a great job, your kids want your presence.

0:15

Success is in the details.

We we can't miss this one.

This is this is massive, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Extraordinary Family Life podcast, where your host Greg and Rachel Denning, as always, bringing you the goods to create your unique extraordinary family life.

0:35

Family work is the most important work and whether we're hearing positive stories or negative stories, you know, good outcomes or bad outcomes, it, it's a constant reminder.

They're, they're all a reminder, Like the most important work you can do is within your family.

0:52

And of course, that's why we're here and that's why we're having this conversation.

And that's why we're having this conversation we're having today, which is going to be so important, so critical for rebuilding broken bonds in your relationships.

Because ultimately good parenting comes down to good connections with your kids, good bonds, good attachment.

1:14

That is the foundation of great and extraordinary parenting.

And so it's so critical, so important.

And so we want to dive in today on how to do that.

There's a direct connection with the way you responded to your child as a baby when they were crying and how they now act so.

1:35

That's that's where I used to be very skeptical.

And I know some of you listening, you're so skeptical, like, oh, come on, they don't remember that and it's true.

They don't.

And you think, oh, OK, so I did.

I did something unique when they're babies and you're telling me This is why they act this way as teens.

1:50

And that's a resounding yes.

There is a direct connection.

We're not saying something that happens one time and then, you know, it sets them on this trick trajectory.

It's the habitual, it's a pattern, repeated things.

So if you repeatedly didn't respond to your child while they were crying as a baby, well, that forms neural connections and Physiology in their body that, unless it is healed or fixed, it carries with them into all the way into their adulthood.

2:23

The good news is, ladies and gentlemen, that we all enjoy neuroplasticity, meaning we can change it, we can recreate it, we can rewrite it.

I had to do it.

You had to do it.

Most of us will have to do some rewriting, some rewiring, some reprogramming, some healing and some healing and, and processing, but it has to come to our awareness first.

2:47

And then we have to make the corrections and adjustments and say, OK, this is what I'm doing.

I don't know why.

Maybe it's from my childhood.

And, and I want to point out like, we don't have to go back there.

We don't have to spend hours and hours and hours on a couch talking about what might have happened to us when we were infants.

3:03

Like we don't need to do that just to be like, oh, well, interestingly, I don't know why I'm doing this, but I'm, I'm very reactive to that thing.

Let's process that because I'm a full grown adult now and I can think like it at all.

I can reprogram.

I don't have to react that way because I can think of this situation.

3:19

I can look at my loving wife and say, OK, she's not trying to hurt me, she's trying to help me.

I don't need to react to her.

I can choose to be a man and I can respond to what she's doing as a man.

And so I don't have to keep doing what I've been doing even though that was my old programming.

I can rewrite the programs.

3:36

How do we rebuild those broken attachments?

How do we bridge the gap?

Like how do we actually create those bonds that are missing if because we didn't know better?

And and that's usually why it happens.

3:51

It's not it's not because parents hate their children.

It's not because they want to ruin their lives.

We just don't know any better because for one, we were raised in a certain, you know, we were raised that way or we did the opposite of how we were raised.

And so by default we're doing things that are not.

4:09

We'll figure it out.

Like, yeah.

We're just trying to figure it out.

In your early 20s, you're like, well, I think we should do this.

Yeah, let's just think about it.

Let's do that.

Like no research, no background.

We have raised 7 kids and on the first one, you're just like, well, let's go with this.

4:24

And then you hear all kinds of absurdities.

Read these books even.

I mean, there's entire books out there that are dead wrong present this idea that sounds good and yet it just doesn't work if you want to raise really healthy, well adjusted, confident, capable kids because the entire foundation of that way of being is built on attachment with between parent and child.

4:54

Now we're going to use lots of different words here.

We're going to use attachment, bonding, connection, emotional bank accounts, filling the bucket, whatever.

It doesn't matter.

It's all the same thing.

That is the foundation of a strong, healthy human being and there are certain parenting strategies that build that and there are certain parents strategies that ruin that.

5:13

And that's where and and how you can tell is if you have behavior issues.

Well, and this is.

If you have any misbehavior or issues with your children, that means essentially you have a attachment disorder.

For all of us, just a little more intentionality makes a big, big difference.

5:30

Yeah.

And so we're going to share a few very specific strategies, particularly today about how to rebuild that attachment if it if it was not built or if it's not as strong as you would like it to be.

And you might think, well, wait a second, but isn't that just the nature of having children?

5:48

You have behavioral.

Issues and everything will tell you and you'll look around, you ask your neighbors, you'll ask your parents, you ask your siblings, you're like whatever.

And like, Oh yeah, that's all kids do that.

Like, no they don't.

Children who have strong, healthy attachments with their parents are capable confidence, they have self esteem, they have they believe in themselves, they're able to do things like.

6:10

They have that strength because they have a foundation built on a strong attachment with the most important people in their life.

There are essential.

There's three types of detachment disorders and nearly every misbehavior that a child exhibits, whether it's acting out or its tantrums or its teenage rebellion, essentially stem from some sort of attachment disorder.

6:36

So if you have a good attachment, you have you, you don't have behavioral problems.

Now, that doesn't mean there's no problems in a child's life.

They're still going to have to figure out things and solve problems and all of these things.

And you're there to mentor and guide them and help them.

6:51

But the process is easier because you have that relationship with them, right?

As opposed to the misbehavior, the acting out, the talking back, the rebelling, the the fighting, the sibling rivalry, all of which stems from an attachment disorder.

7:09

And so when you begin to understand that, you're like, oh, OK, essentially what I'm dealing with here is an attachment disorder.

How do I fix that?

How do I repair that?

I want to emphasize that even an uncomfortable relationship with self and with siblings, with friends, often stems back to attachments.

7:28

Exactly.

So this is good.

I just this is what it matters so much as as you can tell, we're talking about this, but it's so beautiful too.

This is what makes parenting and family life so awesome is getting this right.

7:46

One emphasize here is that as we go through these specific strategies, again, this is just touching the surface because that's all we can do in a podcast episode.

We can't go deep into every one of these things.

We can't look at all your unique scenarios.

In fact, that would require coaching like either in a group coaching session or one session because that that's.

8:11

I know you hate this phrase, but Jordan Peterson uses it all the time.

The devil's in the details, right?

And like when you can get down into the very specific.

Details, yes, Is in the details.

OK, that's winning is in the details.

I like that.

That's good.

Success is in the details because when you get into the very specific details of the interactions with your children and how you're feeling about it and what your spouse is and like all the little pieces, that's where you get results faster because you can have the inside of a coach and that might happen.

8:39

That's what happens with our one-on-one coaching.

The most important thing I want to say today is that you guys know that we've already been talking about our parenting course.

It's the extraordinary parenting mentoring method in there.

We're going to go into more detail with all of these things.

So that's where the real power is, especially if you can't do the one-on-one coaching that's going to have a lot of power because it's going to get very specific the successes in the details and we're going to have the details in there.

9:07

OK.

So again, reminding you where we're at, we are talking about if you did not do attaching with your child the right way or.

Even if you did, you're like, well, I did it well, now how are we still going to keep attaching?

Yeah.

How do we keep attaching and, and specifically, how do we rebuild those attachments if they were not made or if they've been broken through whatever reason, you know, lack of trust And the number one way?

9:34

Well, one of the first ways that we can do that is simply something we can call rebuilding the connection through presence.

I mean, it sounds simple enough.

And it seems, of course, so common sense like, oh.

But so few people, so few parents do it.

9:51

Exactly.

Especially when we may not realize that even if we're present in the same room, we're not actually present with our child and so.

They know it right away.

They're so sharp.

Totally.

So say you have a child who's 7914 and you don't have a great relationship with them, then you need to begin to be intentional about every single day practicing presence with them.

10:23

Hey there.

This is Greg Denning.

We want to reach as many people as possible and help as many families as possible with these conversations.

And we want to keep this podcast ad free forever.

You can help us do that by subscribing on Spotify or Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen your favorite platform and on YouTube and leave a quick review and and share your favorite episodes with friends and family.

10:46

It makes a big difference.

Thank you for being a part of this very important movement.

Here's the most common thing I hear from men especially.

Oh yeah.

But your kids just reach that age when they don't want to spend time with you anymore.

They just want to spend time with their friends.

They want to spend time doing their stuff.

Like they don't want to spend time with you.

11:03

I hear that all the time.

And other men perpetuate.

Yeah, yeah.

My kids in the stage are, oh, yeah, my kids hit that, You know, as soon as they turn like, 9 or 10, they didn't want time with me anymore.

And I'm like, dude, that's not true.

That's a symptom of failure.

It's a symptom of a detachment attachment disorder.

11:20

Right.

So it's common, It's normal.

Everybody goes around, tells you like, Oh yeah, that happened to my kid too.

All what they're really saying is, oh, I failed too, I fell too.

Oh yeah, I had the same symptoms of that problem.

It just because it's common doesn't mean it's healthy or the best way, just the way things are.

11:43

So here are some quick, again, quick ways that you can practice presence, right?

Simple one-on-one time.

My gosh, Can you imagine one-on-one time without your devices, without distractions?

11:58

It could be during meal time, it could be taking a walk with them.

It could be staying up a little later to chat with them when they feel like chatting, you know?

And for me, I found that it's always now, if my child doesn't do this because they already have a detachment disorder, and so they're not coming to me to ask for my attention.

12:20

And at some point, that happens, right when kids are younger, they come to you and they want your attention.

They're when they interrupt you and when they're doing all the things that bother you and make you frustrated, That's their way of saying I want to connect with you.

I want to spend time with you.

When I learn to see that as a sign from my kids, yeah, as a good thing for my kids, I stopped seeing it as a irritation and started seeing it as an opportunity.

12:45

And so I would take the time, take that moment to say OK, I'm going to connect with my child right now because they're asking for that connection.

And that's a beautiful thing.

Now if they're not doing that, I have to be the one to go out and do it.

One of the things I regularly do every morning and every night I give my kids a hug and I ask how their night was or I before bed I asked how their day was.

13:08

So it's just a small moment.

It doesn't take a lot of time even though I have 7 kids, although 5 at home, I get that one-on-one connection time with them and it's kind of a check in of like how are you?

How are you doing?

You know?

And that's their chance.

Like they know that's their chance.

13:23

Like if there's something on their mind or something they're worried about or need help with, like that's a small chance for them to say mom, I need your help.

Or here's how I'm feeling more.

I want to emphasize that if if we give our chance, if we give our kids a chance every single day to bring up what's on their mind, nothing has to fester.

13:44

Nothing has to go deep and get really problematic.

And no resentment has to build.

No insecurity has to be to become overgrown.

Like any big problem or issue really is prevented because every single day they know they have an opportunity to tell you something.

14:05

Now this is critical and this is super important attachment.

How I react to what they ask or say determines if they'll keep asking questions or sharing things with me.

OK, so I'm going to go quickly through some more of these again, connecting through presents.

14:23

So the one-on-one time physical affection.

Now, this is a big one that I don't think parents do often enough.

Often because they didn't have physical affection when they were children, so they don't know how to do it.

They don't know how to do it or it feels awkward.

Yeah.

But this makes a huge difference.

14:40

Children need physical affection means need physical affection.

Adults need physical affection.

Even you.

Porcupine men need physical affection.

If if you're not comfortable with physical affection, then start out small.

Even a touch, a hand on the shoulder, right?

14:57

Or just a touch on the arm, like it can start in small ways.

Start out small where you can, because even those small touches help to regulate the nervous system.

And that's one of the reasons why touch is so important, because as I'm going to talk about in a more in a moment, children are not born with the ability to self regulate, despite what sleep training experts might say, right?

15:23

And other parenting, quote UN quote, experts, they, they think that children have this ability to regulate themselves.

They don't, they have to be Co regulated.

They need your help to be able to calm down.

Now, if you've never learned how to do that, obviously it's difficult for you to help them, but that's why you now can be the adult and learn how to do this and then teach it to your children.

15:46

But touch is one of the ways that we help to Co regulate our children by helping to calm down their nervous system and helping them fill this sense of safety, right?

And then of course, another way to practice presence is eye contact and mirroring.

16:05

This is a technique that's even taught by negotiators and like, never split the difference by what's his name.

Chris.

Foss, Chris Foss, he talks about mirroring like it's a very powerful negotiation technique, but it works great with building bonds with the children.

When we maintain contact, eye contact with them, we match their tone, their voice, kind of their body language.

16:28

The second point I want to make, which is essentially emotionally attuned parenting, like it's being able to name and validate a child's feelings.

So when they are feeling a certain way, whether they're hurt, whether they're emotionally wounded, whatever it is like we want, we think that with the best of intentions, we want our children to be tough.

16:50

And so we are going to ignore or minimize their feelings, but it actually creates the opposite of what we want.

Children who have their feelings minimized become more sensitive and less resilient.

Even even hypersensitive.

17:05

Yeah.

They even become hypersensitive because they never received that validation that young children especially need.

So if we're trying to rebuild that with older children and or teens, we may and we talked about this in our coaching with our one-on-one coaching with some of our clients.

17:22

Sometimes we have to do a bit of a regression to help rebuild what was not built in the past.

And so there may be a period of time where there's a little bit of quote UN quote babying, let's say, where you're like, oh, OK, I never validated my children's feelings before.

17:38

Now I'm going to validate their feelings.

And for a while it might feel awkward.

It might feel like you're babying them.

It might be feel like, you know, somehow it's weird or inappropriate.

But it actually then gives them this opportunity to fill that bucket that's empty.

17:57

And then it's amazing that once that bucket is filled, as individuals we develop this sense of resilience because we're like, oh, I'm good.

We mature rapidly.

Yeah, we mature through it.

So the next part of this one is the Co regulation and and, and specifically it's Co regulation before correction.

18:15

So many parents when something happens, whether it's misbehavior, whether it's acting out, whether it's a tantrum, whether it's getting hurt, their immediate go to is some sort of correction or teaching children because they're prefrontal cortexes are not developed and are not fully developed until the age of 25.

18:34

That's why we use that number.

They have to have help Co regulating before they can self regulate.

So when something happens, that's the primary, that's our primary role as parents to help them Co regulate so they can learn how to automatically respond to trauma or whatever situations happen in their life.

18:55

As opposed to if we respond with correction, very immediate response is defensiveness.

And so they never get into touch with that inner part of themselves that helps them learn how to regulate, how to manage the situation, how to control their breathing, how to calm down, how to whatever, like whatever it is they need to learn.

19:17

They can't if we're correcting them instead of Co regulating with them.

Moms and dads, especially at your tongue, you're feeling so tempted to give the dad lecture.

Just help them process what they're feeling, what they're experiencing.

Right, my go to for any misbehavior of any child, teen, adult or toddler or whatever is to approach it with Co regulation.

19:46

So I go into the situation helping everyone involved to regulate their emotions because that's the first step before anything else can be done.

OK, next, the third is.

So all of this is essentially rebuilding attachment, but.

20:07

Or even continuing to build or.

Continuing to build attachment.

It's both, but we can also do very specific things to rebuild early attachment needs.

So things that were not met early on during those critical developmental ages because like Erica Komizer says, although you and I think it could really go on longer, zero to 3 is the most critical age.

20:28

And if certain needs were not met during that time, it's going to have a carryover effect.

It's going to, it's going to essentially, it's essentially created a test detachment disorder that needs to be healed and repaired.

So this.

20:44

Can be.

If you do this really well, you can really remove any of these problems.

Yeah, it's almost like going back in time in a way and filling in some of those gaps or buckets that were have holes in them or have, you know, there's a gap there in that connection and kind of filling it in.

21:01

And that this might again be one of those things that might seem like a babying.

And so it needs to be balanced in the yin and Yang like you talked about.

It can't be too extreme.

It can't be to the point of like coddling or what's the other word, enabling.

21:17

We don't want that.

But there can be a bit of this that takes place that helps to kind of rebuild that missed connection.

But also if you do other activities with them that you would have done when they were younger but perhaps didn't, maybe that's reading aloud together.

21:34

It's watching shows together, shows that they want to watch, not that you know, that you think are too childish or whatever.

Doing side by side, playing, especially for teenagers, they talk about doing shoulder to shoulder activities.

That's hiking, walking, maybe even cooking together and playful, gentle to their level, roughhousing and wrestling, right?

21:59

Especially if they didn't get that because that is one of the things that definitely builds attachment, especially for dads.

In fact, that's a very powerful way for dads to build bonds and attachment with their children.

And there's a lot of research that shows it's critical for brain development actually to have roughhousing play.

22:16

That's a way to build bonds.

OK, we're going to do a couple of more here before we close.

Finish this up.

One of these things.

And again, there's levels here and you have to be intuitive and you have to know what you need to use.

22:35

And that's going to require asking questions, paying attention, you know, noticing what works, what doesn't.

And sometimes you may need to have open conversations with your kids.

You may need to say things like, Hey, when you were a little, I did a really bad job about responding to your needs when you cried or this or that the other, and maybe you don't even remember that.

22:58

But I think that like I've been learning some stuff.

I think that may affect the relationship we have now and I want to fix that.

Now.

You may not need to have that with your child, but maybe you do, especially if you feel like you're trying things and it's just not working and you're not making that connection.

23:15

It's it's as though.

Especially if you have a reputation with them and they're like, oh, you're always this like, I'm sorry, I'm, I'm sorry that I was that way.

I really want to be.

Better.

No, that's good.

Especially I think, yeah, if you've had, if you already have a reputation for being a certain way, especially if it's one that doesn't admit your faults or that you make mistakes or things like that.

23:36

There's a lot of power I found in being human with your kids.

So saying, wow guys, I messed up.

I, I, I wanted to stop yelling and I yelled at you like I, I wanted to do this better and I messed up.

I'm sorry.

What I want to say here is, and this is hard, this is the uncomfortable truth, we as the adults have to grow and change.

23:58

If we're struggling with any stage, it's on us, it's not on them.

You can't say why, you know, I have a hard time with four year old, so just don't act like a four year old.

You kidding?

That's insane.

It's insane.

It's literally retarded for you to think, well I don't do well with four year olds so the four year olds should not act like a four year old.

24:18

You're the adult.

You're the adult, act like it, like level up and if you have a problem with any age of your kids, that's on you to fix and overcome because that will create an attachment disorder.

It is our responsibility to bear the burden.

We are the ones that have to carry the weight.

24:35

We are the ones that have to level up.

If our children are not what we want them to be, that's our fault.

It's not their fault and we can't continue to blame them for being their age stage, whatever they are.

24:51

OK, we're going to close here.

One other thing though, of course we can do is we can ask our children what what would help you feel more connected to me?

What would you like to do more of with me?

And if they already have a disorder or they feel unattached from you, then they'll probably be resistant to this question.

25:14

But if they know you're sincere, and if you ask it multiple times and you want to sincerely know, eventually they'll tell you.

And when they tell you, take it seriously and don't just be like, oh, well, no, that's too expensive or that's unrealistic or that like, find a way because that right there is showing your child.

25:31

I'm willing to invest in your relationship.

I'm willing to invest and spend money on you doing things with you that sends a message to your kids.

Now, not that that should be the only way like that you connect with them by spending money on them because that can become unhealthy too.

25:48

But if you never do anything that costs money with them, then they think, oh, I guess I'm not worth it, right?

So there has to be the balance.

And in that, whenever they give you feedback, don't be dismissive or defensive, right?

It doesn't help.

Like take it seriously and and honestly and vulnerably vulnerably.

26:08

OK, Finally, a few tips for specifically teens.

You know, teens, they're going to push for independence.

So, so part of the challenges you may be having with your teen come one, not only from a attachment disorder, but from the very nature of being, well, it's kind of a combination because if you have healthy teens, they're going to be out seeking independence, but having you as the anchor.

26:34

And that's a healthy way for them to do it.

Because again, our teens are still just teens.

They're not fully developed.

Their, their prefrontal cortex is not fully developed.

They need us as their anchor.

I kind of see it as a mirror of the toddler age.

We're toddlers.

That's what they do.

They, they have the mom, if you look at them at the park, the mom's the anchor.

26:53

They're going out to explore, but then they want to make sure mom is back there and they're going back there just like touch and you know, you're I'm safe, you're here.

And teens do that in a way too, unless you don't have a healthy attachment with them.

And then they're out taking risks and doing things that are not healthy because they don't have that secure that security from you.

27:13

So allow them to practice that, you know, independence, but make sure that they know you're there to keep them safe.

And so if they're going to do something that's not safe, tell them, let them know and.

The best way to do that is to do it with them.

Yeah, that do.

27:29

If I'm out taking risks with my teens, they never feel like my life's so boring and dumb and my dad's so boring and dumb.

I'm just going to go do something crazy.

He's like, no, I'm leading out like guys.

And and you're.

Teaching you're.

27:45

Teaching them safe ways to.

Do well, That's that's the way to do is like, no, let's go take risks.

OK, couple last things.

Part of the idea of being the anchor is that you're the emotional anchor.

Like, and you touched on this earlier and I but I think it's so important.

28:01

I think especially for teens, it's so important.

We have to be the adults in the relationship.

We have to be the emotional anchor.

We have to control ourselves when our children, our teens, say or do things that can be upsetting, frustrating, irritating, annoying, angering.

28:18

We have to control ourselves because if we don't, we break that top trust.

And then they don't come to us with their problems, with the things they need to talk about.

And instead they're turning to peers or they're turning to the Internet.

So we have to be the anchor.

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We have to be the lighthouse and be strong so that they know they can turn to us and that we're not going to freak out, we're not going to respond, we're not going to get upset.

And in fact, we're going to be grateful that they came to us.

That's a key part of that.

And then of course, you know, as we're seeking to connect with our teens, we have to allow them their self-expression.

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We have to allow them to be who they are.

And so if they, they want to connect over sports or music or whatever that we are the ones that has to have to help them see clear boundaries about what is safe, what is healthy, what is going to be a good path for them to take long term mental and emotional health are founded on security, like stability, like when you have boundaries, that's the foundation of mental emotional health.

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It's it's when there's a lack of boundaries, a lack of clarity, a lack of certainty that that's where anxiety and depression all like they get a stronghold because of that.

So the the more clarity there is about what's certain, what's true, what works, what doesn't work, the more not only confidence do you have, which also builds mental and emotional health, but like just a certainty about how the world works and how to operate in it.

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That builds strength.

That builds resilience.

So ladies and gentlemen, take an opportunity to rate yourself.

So rate your level of attachment and connection and bonding with your spouse one to 10.

Go ahead and do it with each of your children.

Like how, how great, how absolutely solid is my attachment, my bond, my connection with each of my children.

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And then ask, ask your spouse, ask your kids, hey, radar relationship on one to 10 and whatever they say, just take it in and say what would make it a 10?

And they'll tell you and listen, it's amazing.

And wherever you're at with each of your kids, lean in and especially with the one that's hard to connect with, the one that's maybe different from you that's, I don't know, maybe quirky or annoying or difficult.