The Parenting Shift That Changes Everything: Be the Model

Humans learn through modeling. The brain's like a garden. It doesn't care what you plant. Sometimes the very things we need to do are actually counterintuitive to what we think is logical. You are the way. You're the model. So whatever you want for your family, be that example. Gratitude and letting go bring more of the good things that you want into your life. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Extraordinary Family Life podcast. We're your hosts, Greg and Rachel Denning. It is so important to realize that we have to succeed holistically. It has to be the whole life. If if you're only, you know, like they say, a one-trick pony and you have one or two things you do really well and you're like, I'll just I'll just play that card and and that'll be my thing. So, I'm really good at that and so that that's what I'll put forward all the time. Hey, I I'm so and so and this is what I do. And that's what you're always putting out and just you just play that card and you put up that facade and everything's just hunky dory and great and wonderful and all that thing. It's like, "No, man. You're grossly underdeveloped and you're not well-rounded and you can't just just lean on that one thing your whole life. You you have to become a whole man or a whole woman." Our philosophy, our approach, and what has worked for us pretty well is that you can succeed in the most important things and holistically succeed in them. So you can succeed in your relationships, your marriage, your parenting, your finances, your health and fitness, your spirituality, like the you know the six major things. You can succeed in those. Yes, you will have to sacrifice other things in order to succeed in those things. But too often people are sacrificing those things in order to have success on the board or in this organization or participating in that thing. All the while their family relationships suck and their children hate them. And we're saying no, let's pay attention to the things that matter most. Give that our energy and focus and really find that success, the true success, fulfillment, and meaning in life that brings the greatest joy and happiness. That is possible. Good people in their families, their priorities are screwed up. And it's so hard. It's especially so hard because they think their priorities are straight. It's hard to see it. So they're like, "No, like I'm putting everything first and I'm like I'm doing all the right things and I have all the like no when I stop and I get a chance to look carefully at your life." I'm like, "No, your priorities are screwed up." And that's what's struggling. And I think the reason the reason you say that and the reason we know that is because when we are truly aligned with our priorities, we feel it. We feel aligned which means we feel not that everything is perfect in your life and you never have any struggles, challenges or sadness but you feel a sense of meaning. You feel a sense of fulfillment. You feel joy. You feel happiness. Again, not all of the time but more of the time, most of the time. That's how you know your priorities are aligned because you actually feel those things. If we're still struggling every day to get up, to make it through the day, to just survive, something is off. That is how we know because when we are aligned, it doesn't feel like that. It's not modeled for us. We don't have someone showing us how to do it. So, if you haven't seen it up close enough times, like it's it's so hard to truly grasp. There's so many little nuances that all the time I'm just like, "Oh, but they but they don't understand this part of it. That's why they're missing it. So they're getting this, but they miss this and that's why it's not working." Like that's constantly happening to me all the time because there's so many little pieces to this combination lock that it is difficult to communicate it in words. Like it could literally it would literally take a whole book and then plus more plus meeting and live. Like there's so much that goes into it, but if you see it modeled for you, then it's easy. Like our kids have an advantage because they see it every single day in. And so it it becomes intuitive for them. I'm emphasizing this so that we have a little more grace for ourselves and we realize we're at a disadvantage. We we haven't been shown. We haven't been modeled. We haven't been taught. We're trying to figure it out. We're doing the best we can. We're listening to the podcast. We're reading the books. But there's still, and this is true for us, too. There's always going to be things, little things that we're missing. And unless you become very self-aware, it's difficult to figure out what that is. Now, I'm gonna I'm going to grab the other side of the coin. Cuz while I agree with you 100%. And I would say that same thing. It's like be graceful, be understanding. You've never seen it done. You're missing these pieces. On the other side, it's like, man, your priorities are still jacked and you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing. Well, I'm trying. Well, trying doesn't cut it. Do or do not. There's no trying. Exactly. Trying doesn't produce results. Period. If you're trying to eat well, that is not the same as eating well. If you're trying to exercise, that is not the same as exercising. If you're trying to date your spouse and trying to express love, that is not the same as doing it. And you don't get the results unless you do it. And yes, that is also true. But I want to flip the coin again because there's the messy middle. There's the there's the part where in some ways you are actually trying because you're making new attempts. So like you know you did it one way and now you're trying to do it another way and it's not working but you're trying because you are trying to get a different result. And so it is it's experimenting, it's failing, it's floundering, it's faltering. I think the problem where most people fall is that they stay in that space forever. Not literally forever, but like people will stay there for months or years. You and I, that's one advantage we have. We don't do that. We try and we accelerate that trying and we shorten the time span so that we figure out what actually works and then we do the thing that works. And this is one of our core principles is that I teach all the time is you can collapse time with intensity. So you turn up the volume of your effort, your attempts, your experiments, all that. And it shortens the time. So we don't have to be in there for months or years. We can there for weeks like either this works or it doesn't. We're we're turning up the volume here. We're turning up the lever. And so we'll keep experimenting and doing different things. But if it doesn't get the results we're after, we're like, "Okay, next. Move on to the next thing." and we keep trying new things and moving through it quickly rather than like well let me keep trying this thing for the next three or four months. No, like you can know whether it's working or not. I think the other challenge that um crops up is that people also aren't paying close enough attention to recognize what is actually a result. Because this actually comes up in our coaching. We'll be talking to parents and they're like, "Well, I'm trying these things. you're talking about these strategies and it's not working even though I am seeing slightly improved behavior but it's not it hasn't gone away completely and I'm like okay and we emphasize this point we're like you can't change destinations overnight but you can change direction and so when your child starts to change direction they're slightly nicer that is a positive result yeah you're moving the right direction worked even though they're not over here in a new destination behaving exactly the way you want them to. They have changed direction. So that's a result. And hey there, this is Greg Denning. We want to reach as many people as possible and help as many families as possible with these conversations. And we want to keep this podcast adree forever. You can help us do that by subscribing on Spotify or Apple Podcast or wherever you listen, your favorite platform and on YouTube. and leave a quick review and share your favorite episodes with friends and family. It makes a big difference. Thank you for being a part of this very important movement. I want to begin by applauding, celebrating, like making sure we emphasize and point out all the good things that are happening, all the improvement, all the progress. It's so easy for all of us to beat ourselves up. Like we make this huge trek and transformation and we totally transform our lives and we go over and we look at the refinements we make like I'm a loser. Never get anything right. This is terrible. You're like no no no no look back. Look how far you've come. Look at all the good things you've done. So celebrate that like crazy. Pat yourself on the back. Like feel good about who you are and who you're who you're becoming and the direction you're going. That is so important cuz cuz I'm in a minute here I'm about to rant and and throw down and and if you don't remember all the good you're doing it's going to feel like you're not doing anything good. It's like oh it's terrible and I am a loser. No, you're doing so well. It's so fantastic. And this is true for all of you. Please notice the things you're doing well and celebrate that and then get real gritty and real serious about the improvements. And I think that this is part of the human condition. And I know it's something I've definitely struggled with is that that is the nature of in some ways the upward reach. It's another two-sided coin because we have to be simultaneously so grateful and appreciative of everything we've already done and already accomplished and and how far we have come while also recognizing where we want to go and what's still falling short and and what's still missing. Like that's the biggest challenge because it is real. But too many of us and this is myself included only tend to focus on what's missing, what I still haven't achieved, what I still haven't done, where I still haven't gotten instead of being filled with this gratitude for everything that has happened. And you know, it's kind of the summary answer that is a key to it. The more gratitude you feel for everything you currently have, including your struggles, the easier it will be to create the things you want. Yeah. Like you have to be filled with like sincere gratitude. And this isn't just like checking the box gratitude. Like, oh, let me write down my list. I'm grateful. This is like I sincerely feel grateful for this challenge. It permeates your soul. Grateful for everything exactly the way it is right now. Like I'm grateful for it. Like I I'm I'm perfectly content right now with how it is. And at the same time, see, I don't operate like that. I have to operate like that. At the same time, I'm also discontent. So, you have to be divinely discontent and content at the same time, which seems like a dichotomy. Like, how can you do that? But you do need both. But you have to do both. And I I I just had a little spark of insight here as you were describing that I have built my identity on the things I've done well. So it's a two-sided coin. So you go over and you're like, what have I done? I've done this and this and that. That's where I put my identity. That's where I put my confidence, my certainty, who I am. Then I go over to the other side of the coin where I have work to do and that's where I put my work clothes on. Many, many people put their identity on that side of the coin, like I'm a loser. I'm I'll never be successful. I'm such a failure. I'm such a screw up. I'll never be enough. Their identity is on the wrong side of the coin. Go back over to the other side. Look at the successes. That's where the identity is. That's where confidence and self-esteem, it's all right there. Then built on that and that deep gratitude you're talking about, then you get to work on the other side. Well, I think that that's very important, especially if you look at it from a metaphysical perspective because you essentially attract more of who you are. Y and so if your identity is tied up in those positive things, well then you you naturally attract more of the positive things because your identity is positive. Exactly. Whereas if your identity is negative perpetuating negativity, perpetuating more negativity, you're you're perpetuating more of what you don't want. So So those of you listening, please please please practice this and pay attention to it. And most of us are Yes. Cuz we did the same thing. We put so much energy like most people into the negative. It's like this is off. It's like so like energy and emotion and focus and attention. It's like all of this power into the negative. to what's not working and you're like, well, it is working. Oh, you know, that's okay. It went all right and it gets nothing. It gets no volume. It gets no excitement. It gets no intensity and intention. It's just like whatever. And and the passion is on the negative. So, so then the brain and and the universe is like, "Oh, okay. All this negative, this must be really important. We'll keep perpetuating this." Our brain, the universe, karma manifestation brings to us the things that we feel strongly about. So if we feel very strongly about the things in our lives that are not good, we actually get more of those things because we're a magnet that is literally attracting more of that into our life. even the slightest thing that seems enjoyable, pleasant, happy, joyful, that's where I spend my energy and attention. That's where I put my focus. And you think, well, but I have to get these other things done. Well, if you're doing them with dread and anger and annoyance and irritation, you're only creating more of that in your life. You have to either find the joy in doing that thing or just don't do it. This was something that I had to learn how to break down and break apart in my own self-awareness journey because I realized I would be I would be dreading quote unquote good things. And as I began to understand my own psychology better and I realized, oh well, I am. And that was that was like a story for me like I was dreading interacting with you, kissing you, hugging you because that was going to lead to sex at some point. And when I realized that, well, yeah, why am I dreading good things? And I thought, oh, it's because then if we have sex, that interrupts my schedule, and then I'm not going to get to all my stuff, and then I'm not going to get through my to-do list, and then I'm not going to be an extraordinary mom because then I'm not going to have my kids doing the assignments, and blah blah. Like, I had this whole list of things that were going wrong if I engaged in something like that. Or that I mean, who knows? It's like, then you're going to want sex all the time, and then I'm going to never have time to do anything because you'll always be wanting sex. Like, you know, I I would make up all of these stories in my head of what was going to happen to me if I engaged in these certain behaviors, even if they were quote unquote good, which, okay, I'm so glad you articulated that. That is a perfect example of messed up priorities. And and it seems it's so subtle and just such a just a little bit of difference. You're like, "Wait a minute. How are my priorities messed up? I have this amazing to-do list of all the things I need to do. Like, how is that a messed up priority?" Well, it's because you're putting that above your husband and above your kids, right? And so, if you're like, "Yes, that to-do list is awesome. Everything on there, great. Fantastic. Go cuddle, go kiss, go hang out, make love, do things, and then work on your list." And so, now you you flipped the whole thing. It's like, I get to kiss and hold hands and cuddle. I get to have sex and then I get to work on my list and then I get to have this amazing life instead of I have to and this is frustrating and this it's not exactly like I thought and so then you spend the whole day grudging blah blah blah blah and you don't get through your list anyways and your husband's pissed and your kids are resentful and you're just angry so you go eat the whole Oreo package and you're like okay how was your day? It sucked. Well, why? You created that that whole scenario. You created by by these slightly misaligned priorities and mindsets. Yeah. Because if if your priority is to improve your relationships and especially if you want to improve the relationship with your spouse, well, one of the top priorities you should have is more sex. Like, that should be on the priority list 100%. That should be on the to-do list, you know? Now, we're using this as an example because I think it's an easy example, but this is one of the things we're talking about when we say your priorities are off because you think it's all these other things that have to get done and we're telling you no, it's something like this that will literally change everything. Cuz trust me, if you start having mind-blowing sex as a couple, people are going to notice. That's one of the reasons we're still in love. We have mind-blowing sex like multiple times a week. That is a key element here. And so because we have those priorities in in check, it helps everything else in our life to go better. The very first thing here in the whole family dynamics is like, well, are you leading the way? So you want your your family to be more organized and more friendly and more loving and more clean, but like is your house cluttered? Are you keeping your spaces clean? No. There it is again. It's like, well, my my kids, they fight with each other. And then right in in in that very same sentence is, "Well, my husband and I aren't great." So like, we can't expect our kids to get along if our marriage isn't spectacular. So it all comes back to personal ownership. That's not to make any of us feel bad. It's to point out that is the way. That's the way. If you want your kids to get along, make your marriage amazing. If you want your kids and your family and your spouse to be healthy, you be the model. Be the poster child of healthy. If you want joy and peace and optimism, you can't wake up every morning and dread your life cuz all you're doing is spreading that negative energy in your family. Like you have to lead the way. So if I want my kids to be happy, I'm going to be crazy happy. If I want my kids to be healthy and fit, I'm going to be crazy healthy and fit. if I want my my the finances, right? That was another thing like cuz the finances like pay for all the cool experiences like well we better get our butts after that and working on it hard and figure out the system and strategies to make it better, right? Like it's it's all it starts with us as the parents now on the other side of like okay you're saying Greg do all these things and lead out well that's what I'm trying to do. I'm going to say something that sounds This is the far side of the coin. You're not You're not doing it. Trying and doing is not the same. You're not doing it. Trying and doing is not the same. And then the other thing is, and I know that people get this and yet we don't get it. When we're talking about doing it ourselves, when we're talking about you can only change yourselves, we're talking about you have to focus on yourself. You have to stop focusing on your family. And that sounds weird, especially as like a mother. You can't focus on your family. And you might be saying, "What do you mean? What what are you how do you not focus on your family?" I'm talking about I spend most of my time thinking about myself. And this is not in a selfish way, but this is in how do I make myself better? How do I feel better? How do I find my joy? How do I find my peace? How do I get my health? That's where my energy is spent because all of that time I spend thinking about trying to fix, control, change everyone else in my life, my husband, my children, that's what you're talking about again where my priorities are off. I can't get results for them. Yeah, I can pray for them. I can think about them, but until I am leading out with it, I can't influence them. I can't help them change. I can't help them grow. I can't help them want to listen to me or respect me or or take my advice because unless I have the results, they will not listen to me. So, it comes back to I'm literally spending most of my time on me because that's what I control. If I want my I literally do this. If I want my children to practice an instrument, I am going to start practicing an instrument. If I want my children to start exercising, which they do because of you, I'm going to start exercising. If I want them to eat better, I'm going to start eating better and I'm going to control that and I'm going to lead out and I'm not going to give up when they don't follow along and say, "Oh, I'm not going to try this anymore." Because I don't care about them. Yes, I do care about them, but I don't because mostly I care about me getting the results which will then influence them. And I'm saying that this might take some time because again, if you've been doing something one way for 10, 20, 30 years and you start changing, it could take some time for your family to say, "Wow, mom's getting these results. Maybe she does have something to say. Maybe she does have something to offer. Maybe I should listen to her because she knows what she's talking about." It's dropping the extra 30 lbs and keeping it off that they finally go, "Oh, wow. Okay, that that really worked." And, "Wow, fantastic." Because every time I talk to my kids about what they should do to make their lives better, it's always more influential influential. When I tell it from my perspective of like, well, when I was struggling with this or when I was trying to figure that out, here's what I did and here's the results I got. that convinces people way more than, well, I read about this and this is what you should do and yeah, well, I'm not doing that, but you should do it because the perfect illustration is if if I'm 30 lbs overweight and I'm just like, "Guys, we've got to be healthier. Hey, stop. Don't eat this. We've got to be healthier. We got to be healthier." They're looking at me like, "What are you talking about? You're such a hypocrite. Like, it's not working for you. I'm not even going to listen to you. We've got to get ourselves and our lives in order. And and that sounds blunt and and hard and painful, but it's the absolute truth. It is the power with which we can lead our families. It's the painful truth pill you and I have had to swallow multiple times along our whole parenting journey. It's like realizing, yeah, I'm not leading out in this thing. No wonder they won't listen to me. No wonder they're not following along because I'm not doing it. But if I if I simply try to quote unquote get them on board before we do it, like I'm waiting for them, it's never going to happen, right? No way. And it'll always be a battle and it'll create resentment and separation. Yeah. Well, going back to where we started kind of, it's like humans learn through modeling, but modeling only happens when they see the model. when they see the example, that's when they're like, "That's what you're talking about. Okay, now I can see it. Now I get it. Now I want to follow." But without that, there's no vision. There's no drive. There's no purpose. There's no there's there's nothing motivating them to want what you're trying to describe because they can't see it. They have to see it. And they have to see it in you. Yes. So again, I I mean at the risk of overemphasizing this, but I I don't think so. I don't think you can overemphasize it. I don't I don't know how to emphasize it enough. Think about whatever you want for your family and then ask yourself, are you doing it very well? If you want your family to be happy and peaceful, are you really happy and peaceful? Are you really healthy and fit? Are you really in love? Are you good at solving problems and handling difficulties? You are the way. You're the model. So, whatever you want for your family, be that example. It's that simple. And then that simple and it's that challenging. But yeah, but but then then this is where I come back. I'm like, "Hey, you you keep you let's say your house is cluttered and messy or your kids don't clean up their rooms." Again, if it were me, I'm like, "Okay, this weekend, this whole house is getting put in order and it's staying that way. Period. It's going to become my obsession." And there may be truckloads going to the dump or to the, you know, donation center, but it's getting done or, you know, I wouldn't do it that extreme. I would just begin the process. Okay, but this is me. So, just maintaining organization. I just clean and I clean out and take stuff and you know it it would become a way of being rather than like a weekend project. I share that because I know a lot of people have been trying for years and it's like no we're done. We're done trying it's time to do and so you you take this bold action like a pattern interrupt. Boom. And then implement the way of being. For me it would be cuz I want to give you guys some tools like so some of you you know you each have your individual struggle. you've been trying to get results. It's not working for me. I'm going to take I'm going to take the next 30 days. I'm going to be obsessed. I'm going to go all in. I'm going to lean into this. And and some of you, and I've helped clients do this, you could drop 20 to 30 lbs in the next 30 days. Like, you you could change your body and your life and your energy levels and everything if you'll just do it. There's a there's a couple things I want to really point out here because while we are still talking about doing and just doing the thing, we also want to re-emphasize the importance of doing it in the right way and in the right spirit and in the right energy. Because if you just do it like to muscle through it, to get it done, to check the boxes, it's actually the wrong sort of energy that brings you more of what you don't want. So, you have to learn how to do it from a place of gratitude, joy, like wanting to do it. And I'm really serious about this. If you don't want to do it then, and especially for women, this may not always be true for men because they they operate in a different energy, a different space. Don't do it. I literally in the morning when I wake up, I don't think about my I do I think about my to-do list. I think about things I need to do, but I look for the thing that excites me. I look for that little thing that brings me a little bit of joy. And it doesn't have to be a big thing. Like yesterday morning, we got some new goats and they're pygmy goats and they've they're afraid of us at the moment. And I got up and I thought, "Oh, I'm going to go see if I can make friends with the pygmy goats, right?" Like, that was the little teeny thing that made me excited for my day. It wasn't a big deal. And yeah, I still have a lot of things on my to-do list I don't necessarily want to do, but that was the little spark of joy that started my day. That's how I start my day. It's sincere. It's not fake. I'm not forcing it. I'm looking for that little spark. And then as I go through my day, I'm looking for those sparks. Yes, I have a list of things that need to get done. But I try to be guided by the sparks of joy. This is the thing I want to do now. This is the thing I want to work on next. I need to clean the house. Okay, I find a little spark of joy in organizing this kitchen cupboard. Like it doesn't have to be a big thing, but that way of approaching it is like magic when it comes to modeling, you know, leaning out, finding the the meaning that you're looking for in your life. Because ultimately, that's what we're after. We're after finding meaning, purpose, and joy in our lives. And it doesn't come because everything is perfect. It doesn't come because everything's now clean and organized and nobody's fighting and everybody's getting along. It comes in the journey. There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. That's what the Daly Lama said. Happiness is the way to getting what it is you want. And not to be done in a manipulative way, but like finding the happiness is how you get to happiness in the small daily things that you're doing. I know for me, I have to focus on the result I want because I don't always enjoy the method to get there, right? So, if I'm looking for motivation or or happiness or something, the excitement, it's in the it's in the I think, you know, I've been working on stretching wire and fixing fences and you know, when you're doing it like this is so frustrating, but I keep thinking, man, when this is all enclosed, that's what I want. I've wanted that for months. Yes, I'm going to go work on that because I want the result. So, that's what draws me forward. So, I guess you know those of you listening, thanks for listening. Thanks for being here. And well, and if you need more tools and resources, this that's why we created our courses. Literally, why we we we take all these tools to get all these results and put them in there and and we've created lists like this is exactly what we have done to get the the results we enjoy. And so, it's all in there. But my point here is get crystal clear about the result you want and love the word obsessed. Just get obsessed with that thing and make it this this point of focus. And yes, life is going to happen. There's going to be distraction. There's going to be difficulties. So what? If you want that result and it's the one you want, lean into it and keep going until you get it. And and don't let up. But You have to keep balance. This is fun. I know we keep going back and forth. I think it's both sides of the same coin. It's both because at the same time, you have to It's like I'm trying to put it into words. It's like Yeah. You don't let up, but you also have to let go. Yes. Because you keep in mind the outcome you want, but here's the challenge. You keep in mind the outcome you want, but you think it's going to be accomplished by doing XYZ. And so you keep pounding XYZ and then you're like, why isn't XYZ working? Because you have to let go. It's going back to what we talked about that maybe what you need to do on the to-do list is your husband, right? You need to be having sex instead of trying to accomplish the list. you need to be doing something that brings you insane amount of joy even though it feels like a waste of time because you're in debt and you're trying to pay like sometimes the very things we need to do are actually counterintuitive to what we think is logical to what we think logically makes sense. And so as as you're sitting there thinking, well, I want to have a great relationship with my spouse. I want to have a great relationship with my kids. I want to have the extraordinary family life. It's so easy to think, okay, well, I need to do more things and run the kids sign the kids up for more activities and and drive them all over the place. Like, well, no, you need to really connect with them deeply in the way that really connects for them and for you. In fact, in some ways I would say while we are very much doers like we do do all day long that is actually how we we we recover we rest we we find pleasure we find joy we find productivity like that that's our main thing that we love. I would also say you have to learn how to do less. So we we talk about doing a lot of things but we also I want to emphasize you have to do less. And what I mean by that, so you do do fewer things, but you do more of the right thing. Exactly. And one of the ways that I've learned to do that is by and asking myself, asking God, asking the universe, what is the next best thing I should do? So I have my whole list and I have this idea of how it's going to be done. But it's when we come to that centered place of internal guidance and intuition that we get the answers we actually need for the moment that's going to bring us the real meaning and fulfillment and the results. So instead of trying to do a hundred things, you you find the top 20 and you just do three in a day incessantly. But but it comes from that real inner knowing. And that's the key and that's what makes the difference because you're not just checking things off just for the sake of checking them off. You're actually being guided by this noble ideal that connects with your inner potential that becomes your guide. I know it sounds crazy, but that really is something there that's so important that when you can learn to do that, it makes all the difference. It's not just about checking off the list. It's not just about getting things done. Yes, that's important, but it has to be intuitively guided. It has to be divinely directed in order for it to be the actual things that will make the real difference. Beautiful. I love that. That's a lot of stuff. It is. And it's it's getting to that spiritual center, too. Yeah. The spiritual center. And maybe this sounds even more confusing. Maybe you guys are like, "What are you even talking about, Greg and Rachel? Like, what is going on?" But when we get to this place where we feel like, "I've tried all the things. I've done all the stuff. I'm checking the boxes. I'm doing the stuff. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm dreading." That's when we have to just let go. We have to breathe. We have to be in the moment. Maybe you literally need to take a few days doing nothing. and you think, "Well, I can't because there's too many bills and too many things that need to be done." I don't care. I've done this multiple times. I will take that time off and I will just sit with myself and I'll find my center and say, "What actually matters most and I'm going to do those things and those things only." And it's during those days while you're resting that I'm out pounding the stone, getting things done, moving mountains. You know what? Okay. I Yes, that's fair. But I I don't want that to be a dissuasion. If if a woman thinks, "Well, I can't do that because I don't have that support from my husband." I don't care. Do it anyways because it will make you more powerful and that power is going to be more Well, if you do it well, you'll have more clarity. And the clarity is what is real power. Clarity will work on the right things. Yeah. Right. Because otherwise, we're running around like a chicken with our heads cut off. we're not knowing what we're doing or why and how and what what not. We have to have clarity and we have to move forward with clarity. And then when I get that clarity and I know and it can be something it can literally be this because this is sometimes what will happen. I'll say I need to clean up my space and then I will put all of my energy and attention and focus into cleaning up my space and that's what I will do. everything else will wait because I got clarity about that one thing and now I'm doing it and I will do it until it's done and then I'll go to the next. What's the next thing I need to do? Okay, I'm going to do that and I do it until it's done. Now, when I say do it until it's done, it might take me 6 days, you know, or whatever, a couple weeks, but I keep working on it every day until I get that thing that was clear in my mind because you think it's not connected, but it is. You think, "How is cleaning up my space gonna help me make more money?" Well, because when you order your space, you order your mind. So, bringing order to your space is actually clearing out negative energy, it's helping things let go, move through. Money is energy. Money is flow. So, when things flow more in your life, when they when you clear out the clutter, you honestly are actually making more space for money to flow in your life. That's like true metaphysics there. So very often the ver the actual thing I need to do is something that doesn't make sense because you think well I I need to work on my business. Well no actually you need to clean up your desk. You need to clean up your space. Now of course it can go too far to the other side where that's all you do. You're like I'm cleaning up my desk every single day for six months. You know that doesn't work either. But that's why it's so key to have this intuitive centering that guides you so you know, yeah, today I'm cleaning my desk, tomorrow I'm sending 600 emails. Exactly. And that's where the execution really matters. Love it. But but they both matter. They both matter. But you just have to know when to do which one. Okay. Thanks guys. Love you. Reach upward.