#38 Mindset, Heartset & Skillset part 3

hey guys this is Greg Denning and you are in the school of awesome sauce where I share with you Amazing Stories and strategies to help you live an extraordinary

[Music] life all right guys I on one today so I hope you are fired up and ready because I am all right this is part three in a three-part series we're talking about mindset heart set and skill set and we've been going along this journey saying look look we got to get our thinking straight because if our thinking is is off then we have these erroneous ideas and so it messes with our heads what to mess with our emotions and our actions and habits but then once our thinking straight we got to make sure that our emotions are working in our favor and they're not like sabotaging our success because sometime like our emotions and our feelings are so important but sometimes they can be deceiving we can feel something that's not accurate or true or the feeling can keep us from doing what we know we should we know we should do right but the feelings just getting in the way and so we get the skill set the heart no sorry the mindset and the Heart Set lined up but then we get to today my friends and man I'm fired up about this we've got to have the skill set because even if our mind is awesome our mindsets awesome right boom good thinking good beliefs and heart set's great I got good emotions here emotional Mastery emotional Direction feeling really good this is awesome and then we get over and we have no skills what in the world are we going to do without skills so the and again if you have the right mindset and heart set you're going to you're going to get the skills right you're going to go after it you're going to be like okay I got this I can I can do it I can figure it out I can develop skills I going to go but ultimately this is why this it's like this the tripod and that I started out with like these three pillars this Foundation you have to have all three we've got to have the skills we've got to have amazing skills or we won't be able to accomplish the things we need to accomplish now some of you have incredible skills and you might be missing the heart set piece or the mindset piece some of you maybe just have super awesome heart set but you're maybe missing some mindset or some skill set some of you might have this incredible mindset but some emotional pieces are off a little bit and maybe you're just lacking skills and this applies to every single part of our life Liv every part now I you guys I didn't understand this I go into life you know my story now I go into life and you picture [Music] me this is crazy picture me at like 16 17 struggling with mindset because nobody had ever really taught me and and what I had picked up along the way was a lot of broken mindsets a lot of erroneous or false mindsets a lot of really limiting beliefs and negativity and simultaneously very broken heartset I was I was just angry and bitter and resentful I held grudges I was just mad at the world and and I would just rage inside and this emotional roller coaster of things going great and things going horribly and and just things just going blah right and so the heart set was off and then of course no skills no skills because I hadn't worked on them I hadn't developed them and so I'm at this place where I don't have any any of these three essential things but as I start on this journey the one thing I had was Hunger man I was hungry because of my desperation because things were rough and hard and I didn't want that just like you I want to live this happy jovial life like here's my ideal my friends at the end of every day I want to just say like that was that was a good day that was sweet no not every day is going to be good but I think there is good in every day even if the day isn't good overall and I wholeheartedly believe I know this sound may sound absolutely insane to some of you but I wholeheartedly believe that the vast majority of our days can be good days I really believe that and a lot of that's going to come from heart set and mindset and of course skill set but we got to I know that's poor grammar we've got to develop some skilles right it's this word I accidentally said one day when I was teaching the combination of our skills and abilities we've got to get our skilles in place and every single piece of our life is directed by controlled by the outcomes everything we're doing has to do with our skills now we get that here here's the challenge we get that in like sports like oh yeah you got to have skills if you're going to be you know an excellent basketball player you got to be able to dribble you got to be able to shoot you got to be able to work with your teammates you got to be able to pass you got got to make some free throws you got to be able to not foul out every game right you can't you can't play ball like a caveman we get it in music if you want to be a Pianist or a chist or a violinist or flutist like whatever you want to do you've got to develop the skills the finger coordination the hand ey coordination to read the music to hear the tone to work with uh to be able to play with other other people right there's all these skills we get that and so in our minds like yeah and so and you go to a work environment and you have someone that's a surgeon he's got to have phenomenal skills at at operating right right or you take an engineer they've got to have the skill I mean look any any technician somebody who's fixing something repairing something he's repairing appliances he's he's repairing uh internet guy comes over like you got to have skills and abilities we we get that right and where we lack even cooking you're in the kitchen if you lack cooking skills the quality of your food is not going to be what it could be right I mean all of us get that we we get that but what where we've totally missed it as a society and a lot of us have like we've never even been told this so again not not your fault not my fault we've never been trained and we can't blame it on our parents because they probably weren't either there's just very few people realize this that like any other problem in your life is actually part of a skill set so so go like this let's take marriage for example most people wouldn't think oh I'm having problems in my marriages or my marriage is kind of strug struggling or my marriage isn't awesome we're not our first thought isn't going to be like oh I need to work on my skills like my marriage skills right you you would if you would at the job you're like hey you know you're struggling job you're you're you're at risk of being fired here well yeah I need better skills right and you know if you're doing you know you want to be a musician or an athlete or whatever I need better skills I can have skills but very few of us look at our marriage and go I need better marriage skills and so let's let's take an example here you you come into your marriage and let's let's assume for this example that your mindsets awesome you're like yeah I have great beliefs and thoughts about marriage marriage can be I believe marriage can be great I believe and I want in my mind I want marriage and I wanted to be a good marriage and I want to work on it and and is build this you know around a happy life will be built on a marriage I've got the heart set there that I just have a heart full of love willing to forgive uh you know not going to hold on to grudges not going to have all this negativity and hurt in there I'm not going to have a heart at war against my spouse because they don't do the things I want them to do and you know let's let's say in this example I don't have the rule book in my head of all the things my spouse should do just in a certain way because that's the way I think they should be done and that's the way we always did them when I grew up etc etc but let's say we have all that we have the heart the mindset and the heart set all in place but we have no

skills let's say I I have no skills in communicating with with my spouse and having those good conversations and tough conversations I have no skills in communicating my thoughts and articulating my feelings let's say I lack skills in influence this is gigantic oh my goodness this one is gigantic so many of us think with marriage or with parenting or or work or on a team or whatever we we think influence somehow should be automatic especially with kids we as parents we're like I I brought this kid into the world and I provide for them like when I say something they're going to do it because I'm the parent well that's that's a straight crazy idea my friends that is a straight crazy idea because influence is not automatic like we just think well if I say something it it's the law it should be done they're going to listen and it's not true influence is a

skill it's a skill and so often when we're struggling in our marriage when we're struggling in our parenting when we're struggling in any of our relationships it's most often because we lack skill in that thing especially an influence man I love love love love thinking about that and teaching about that because it is a skill that we work on and and I'll just set this up right here for this whole conversation as with any skill it takes lots of practice and not mediocre practice it takes lots of great practice because let's be honest we can practice I I read this awesome book and this guy he said he played the guitar for tens of thousands of hours and he went and met this guy who's one of the best guitarists in the world and he started ask him questions and he realized they had practiced about the same amount let's say you know 15,000 hours he cuz he was asking his question like how you been practicing how many hours a day how long and he and he realized he's like wait a minute I I've practiced just as many hours as this guy why is he 10 times better than I am I've practiced the same amount and he says I had to answer that question so he went and watched this guy practice and he said there it is there's the answer his practice hours though they were the same amount of hours they both had done their you know 15,000 hours let's say but his practice hours were far more effective they were intense he he was like it was exhausting just watching this guy practice because he was pushing his limits and he always had a coach you know giving him drills on how to get better how to I mean he the guy was just sweating and straining his practice hours were more powerful they were more effective and as with every skill my friends we have to practice and we have to make sure our practices are good and again we come back to this societal flaw where where in the world have you ever been taught that you need to practice again and again and again mindset and heart set and skill set right I I'm I'm not aware of and and I do this stuff this is what I do this is what I teach when I'm coaching and teaching and speaking this is what I'm doing I'm teaching these critical skills that are all but absent in in the most parts of our society where we can practice the skills we need in parenting we can practice the skills we need in marriage we can practice the skills we need in influencing other people in building relationships this is one where I have no skills I I I was I was shy and timid and afraid to talk to people and I don't I didn't know how to talk to people I literally remember you you guys one of the you know you want to know what scared me what really intimidated me was going on a drive with someone and not knowing what to say the idea isn't this funny and this so irrational the the idea of sitting in a car and I can't even remember like there were times I needed to go somewhere and it was like a 30-minute drive and I ended up I I needed to get a ride from someone cuz I didn't have a way to get there and they were like oh yeah so and so can give you a ride and I remember just being like sick to my stomach like what on Earth will we talk about for 30 minutes and I just being horrified sitting on a bus or a plane next to somebody like what on Earth will I say right and then to think I'd have like a 4-Hour drive or you know heaven forbid a 20-hour drive somewhere what on Earth no I'll die like I I literally remember being so concerned about that thing because I lacked the skill set to have a

conversation and not not just any conversation because now I've really raised my standard where my my idea of of social leadership I've shared this before and I love to teach this my idea of a social leadership and and what I call a social ninja Superstar is to be able to have not not just a conversation but an actual meaningful conversation with anyone anywhere at any time that is a skill set and it has to be practiced again and again and again and again now here's here's the coolest thing my friends this is so exciting I love this I get fired up about it it's so exciting think about something you've done so many times that it's it's so comfortable and familiar to you that you literally don't even think about it like it's just it's automatic you've done it so many times that you don't even have to think about it can you can you think of something I think for a lot like if you're if you're an adult already and you've been driving for a long time I think driving will be one of those things so like how much thought and effort do you have to put in to like you need to run to the store that's like a mile away okay how much how much strain and thought are you going to put into like okay what do I need to do okay how how do I start the car okay get the keys where do I put the keys how do I start this thing oh shoot now what now now how do I get into what you know you see this but when you when you're brand new you're you're 15 and you're learning how to drive you're like how do I start it where do I do the key like how far do I turn it how do I get it into gear and then once it's in gear now what do I do how much do I push on the gas pedal how much do I push on the brake how do I look at all these mirrors simultaneously and turn my head without driving into the other lane how do I make a turn what do I do if this car pulls in front like there's so much to it but then after doing it so often for so long it literally becomes comfortable and automatic where you walk out grab your keys out of your pocket throw them in now now you don't even have to get your keys out of your pocket with those these new keys you push a button and and you drive off and you drive down the road and you could be thinking about other things you could be listening to a great you could be listening this podcast maybe you're listening while you're driving right now and it doesn't take a ton of mental or physical effort because you've done it so many times how about riding a bike how about uh boiling some water I mean there there's all these things they're just simple you've done them so many times and you got it that's my challenge for you that is my invitation for you I want you to identify the skills that you need to dramatically level up your life to make a massive Improvement in your life and you guys to get results man I oh I get so fired up about this in my own life with my kids and with people I'm coaching like we can understand the philosophy and the ideas and the principles and the plan but we have to get results my friends and and and it breaks my heart I'll have coaching sessions with wonderful people who are facing some serious challenges and problems and obstacles whether it's with health or marriage or finances or education or parenting or addiction and in order to get the results we've got to have the skills and and great skills skills get results especially when they're combined with heart set and mindset and if you have all three of these and you're working on them consistently you're going to get results but my friends if we don't take this seriously let me ask you what happens if you don't take this seriously what happens if you listen to this and you're like oh yeah that's that's good that's important but you don't really do anything about your mindset and you don't really do anything about your heart set and you don't really go after your skill set you just kind of go along in the same old pattern or you make a little bit of effort what happens what happens in your life if you don't take this seriously well you keep getting the same results or even worse results because as times change and they are changing so fast the same the same efforts that used to bring results won't bring results anymore it'll be worse results we've got to get serious like we've got to take this serious where we're going after it and and so we we identify the skills we need and we go after them with so much Vigor and so much energy and so much passion and Direction and focus that we are practicing them and we are practicing them intensely and well and we stick at them until we've mastered them like we don't give up we we make that commitment to ourselves and our hearts and souls like I'm going after this thing and I'm going to stay after it until I've mastered them and I get the results I want that's the kind that's what I'm talking about here and so if if you're having let's let's say you're having some kind of struggle in your marriage or parenting and and here's the challenge you you look at something like marriage and you think it's not a skill set thing it's this my spouse does this or we just don't see eye to eye we're not in sync we're not lined up we have different Visions you know he's pulling one way she's pulling the other way our intimate relationship ship isn't very good um we just we keep fighting about money or we just aren't really in love anymore or you know s has an addiction problem or you see what I'm saying we all these things and so we don't naturally associate a skill set to the problem it's it's so much easier to blame or excuse away the circumstance or point to something and say well it's that but my question is and this one I love asking myself this question I love asking other people the question my question is would this situation be different if you were 10 times

better right let that sink in would this situation be different if you were 10 times better and you can you can pick an actual skill set let's say let's say um that you and your spouse have been fighting over something that maybe you're you're pretty fired up and you've got some really strong emotions and there's you're pretty sensitive and you've all got some emotional triggers going on right now and so anytime you talk about a certain subject just it turns into a fight what if you were 10 times better at communicating would that make a difference and and I'm being honest would that make a difference in this situation what if you were 10 times better at emotional Mastery at not getting triggered and exploding would that make a difference what if you were 10 times more influential like again influence is not automatic you it's practice it is a skill that's why some people they have they seem like magicians because they can influence people and you sit there you watch them you're like what what did they do like all of a sudden they're getting this these people to to get results and make changes like what did they do like I was sitting here watching this see they're Masters they're absolute masters of influencing people they know what to say and how to say it and when to say it and and exact things and and we look at it from the outside and go that that didn't seem so special and it boom it just worked because they're masters of it would your situation in your marriage or your parenting or your life right now be be be different if you were 10 times more influential you'd worked on the skills what if you were 10 times better at thinking about solutions to problems what if you were 10 times more educated right now what if you had and again let's let's go through everything what if you were and maybe maybe 10 too big I mean we can 10x Our Lives I I totally believe that we can 10x Our Lives all all day long but maybe it a little overwhelming what if you were five times better what if you were just twice as better does that can I say that twice as good TW I think I'm gonna go twice as good what if you were two two times better we're going to go with that you guys what if you were two times better than you are right now at your work let's take your skill set at at the job okay whatever you do for work and some of you are just um some of you don't work but whatever your occupation is how do you spend your time what are you doing what are you working on goals whatever what if you were 10 time we're going back to two times what if you two times better you're twice as good at it would that make a difference I'm I'm I'm being serious here if you're twice as competent and skilled

at the thing you do would it make a difference in your life would it move the needle and for me I have to say yes to all of those things I honestly I can't think of a situation where my skill set my Improvement in my skill set would not make a difference and and some of you might be saying well wait a minute what what if something happens that's outside of your control like you can't change the weather you can't change the traffic accident that happens right in front of you and blocks traffic you can't change certain things and you're right we and we can't change the past right there is literally not a single thing I can do to change the past and things that happen to me I can't do anything about it and yet man how often do you and I fret and struggle and strain and suffer thinking about wondering about asking why it happened going over again and again and again just giving so much emotional mental and physical energy to things we can't change but what if I were 10 times better at processing the past my mindset my heart set the skill set of finding Solutions on focusing on things that I can change and I can influence would that change my life you better believe it what if I were twice as good or three times or five times better at responding to adversity what if I are five times more optimistic than I am about keeping perspective when times are tough about choosing to respond in healthy ways when things happen that are outside of my control so you see what I'm saying so like having a skill set may not change the fact that um I'm trying to think of an example here it may not change the fact that somebody came up and said something really mean to you or did something rude or took advantage of you or robbed you or you know cheated you deceived you just whatever you you can't change that that my skill set doesn't change that but it definitely affects how I respond to it and what I do from there like do I do I fall down and give up or what if I'm five times more

resilient what if I've been working on my skills so much that it really doesn't matter so much what happens to me because my skill set is combined with my heart set and my mindset and it literally makes me Unstoppable and so whatever comes along as life does to all of us we have the skill set in place we're ready right some Charles Swindle I think it was Charles Swindle said that life is only 10% what happens to us and 90% how we respond to it and I I man I wholeheartedly believe that's true but it all comes down to our skills we've got to have the skills and and here's the great news my friends the more diligently we work on our skills and the more time and effort and attention we give it the faster and better it comes um I have friends who in a pinch needed to learn new skills and you know I think like whether financially they had to learn a skill to put some food on the table or they were in a crunch with a relationship or a work thing or life skill and so they went after it voraciously intensely tenaciously I mean like we're skipping food we're skipping sleep we're going after this um I have a friend who had to learn this thing and so she's like I I spent the next 48 hours learning it and I learned it 48 hours straight I mean she was that hungry that motivated like it had to happen there was it was a non-negotiable thing and so she spent 48 hours and she learned it and has since become an absolute master and built a wonderful business Empire but that's my point and and it's it's heartbreaking and sometimes frustrating that we allow ourselves sometimes to put like a little a little pathetic effort just a little ridiculous effort we we spend tons of time entertaining ourselves and almost no time developing our skills right or we'll go we'll go to college for years and years and years to get a degree and give no time to our personal development skills our communication skills our empathy our compassion our Mercy our our understanding ing our ability to be married to be happy to raise kids like to be healthy like to learn all the things that really matter most to being happy and successful we give them almost no time and no practice and then we wonder why we struggle and why it's so hard for us sorry this is turning into a rant but please know how much I love you uh I'm I'm just calling us all out myself always first I'm call myself out because there's you know if I'm like oh I don't like this about my life oh I stop every time like whose fault is it mine why is it my fault because I don't have the skills yet why don't I have the skills because I chose to spend my time doing other things I just haven't given it the focus and time and intention and dedication to get that skill set so if there's anything in your life right now that is off consider the mindset the heart set and especially the skill set and if you'll look at that carefully deeply and say what skills could I develop that would make a positive difference in this

situation maybe it's your health and and you think well oh no but I've tried and and here's the danger okay you might say I've tried I tried to lose weight I tried to get in shape I tried to fix my marriage I tried to help that kid I tried to get a better job um I I tried to do this I try to do this and but if we stop and say wait a minute wait a minute did I have the right skill set at the right level to really qualify to make the difference to level up and for the vast majority of times there may be some exceptions don't and please don't please don't use that as an excuse my friends look at it honestly and openly and say what skill set would move the needle here what skill set am I missing or that is maybe you have it a little bit but it's underdeveloped or maybe you have it awesome but being awesomer would make the difference and and look to that so whatever it is your you're frustrated with right now emotional

turmoil

spirituality a lot of you are struggling spiritually and yes spirituality is also a skill set education learning how to learn that's a skill set I'm going through this phenomenal book right now called how to read and why and you think I know how to read I learned I've been reading since I was six years old I know how to read well actually most people who know how to read don't know how to read it is a skill set to learn how to really read a great book and a great poem and a great play and a great novel and a short story I mean it's it's a skill that we always are working on so education emotions social any social interaction like literally any interaction you have with another human being there are skill sets involved from the intimate relationship you have with your spouse to greeting a stranger on the street to trying to get things done at the bank or the grocery store or in any kind of business any kind of service there's a skill set there and I'll be straight honest most of us stink at that I know I did and I'm and I still do I'm still working on this like I'm always working on my skill I like how can I level up level up is there a better way how can I get proven this how can I master this what am what am I lacking still where are my skills where is my limited skill set still holding me

back whoa mental emotional social spiritual physical Financial anal like literally look at every part of your life and say what skill set I I know I'm keep repeating this but I really want this to sink in I'm going to say it again and again the repetition here hopefully is going to just hit this Insight of like boom that's it like if I want something different in my life I need a better skill set or a different skill set what am I missing what am I missing what skill is it and please don't please please please please I plead with you don't excuse this away don't blame it don't don't complain and blame and oh I've done that before I've tried that won't work and oh it's it's so and so everything would be better if that person did something different or if the economy or the government or whatever else like take any adverse situation again there's those are things that are outside of your control so forget about them you can't do anything about it so don't even think about it what can you do even if the government's conspiring against you and and everything else and other people made poor decisions and and there's all this just junk and it's just the perfect storm collapsing everything okay all right so what I mean that life's tough what can you do in spite of all of that what can you do and I come back to this powerful question of if you were 10 times better at that thing would it make a positive difference even in that wretched situation and the answer is yeah yeah because I'm going to be able to respond I'm going to be able to react appropriately I'm going to think clearly I'm going to be able to take action on something in that that would have a better differ better impact and better results isn't this awesome man I love this stuff so study it learn about it get the books what and I say this all the time anything that is an important part of your life you need to be studying regularly I'm not even kidding every aspect of your life that you know you that is a part of your life like if you interact with people you need to study social skills if you're married you need to study marriage skills from communication to sex if you you uh have friends you need to study friendship okay if you want friends if you don't have friends you definitely need to study friendship uh if you have children or ever want to have children study parenting get that skill set if you want to have a brain that you're using to think study thinking study education study you have a body you're you're you're I know you have a body because you're listening to this you have a body study the skill study and practice the skills of taking care of your body and on and on and on I mean just learn how to do all these important things in your life and practice them so get get in the books keep listening to podcast watch my YouTube channels like and if you're ready to level up level up pay for coaching invest in it because it's just going to accelerate the skills um a coach and a mentor will help you identify the skills you need identify where you're lacking in those skills and and identify ways to practice and like Leverage the skills so yeah you could do it on your own but man get the leverage it'll go faster and better so oh I love this stuff I love it you guys you're the best thanks for listening thanks for being here um again like everything in your life please please Embrace this this philosophy with me that everything in my life is influenced and affected by my mindset my heart set and my skill set and the most wonderful news out there is that all three of those are within my power and circle of influence and all three of those can be improved strategically just by practicing and working on it and becoming better like I can literally completely transform My Life by improving my mindset my my heart set and my skill set and all that's within my power and I can do something each day to make improvements and when we do oh life is so good so so good because awesome is always an option reach

upward hey everybody thanks so much for listening to this episode I hope you got a lot of value out of it and found some things that you can apply to your life right away hey I'm I'm being totally sincere when I say I I live to help you live your extraordinary life so I hope you'll reach out to me if you have any questions or let me know how I can help you in any important area of your life and in fact you know this this podcast is brought to you by the school of awesome sauce monthly coaching program take advantage of that get in there if it's the best way to get a breakthrough to the next level so you can level up your health your spirituality your emotions your mind your relationships your finances business every part of your life just get in there where you have a a coach and a mentor you have a supportive Community to make things happen so so jump in there take advantage of this try it out get in there with us and level up your life see you on the inside reach upward [Music]