#52 Your Statements and Stories Are Holding You Down

Rachel Denning (00:06.51)
Hey guys, this is Greg Denning and you are in the school of awesome sauce where I share with you amazing stories and strategies to help you live an extraordinary life.

Rachel Denning (00:24.11)
Good morning, my friends. It is dark outside still and early in the morning, but I've been up studying and I wanna share something I've learned. You and I live what we believe. And it's interesting, we're so quick to make statements of beliefs that close our minds and therefore close our opportunities. And then of course, we're often handed.

throughout our childhood, many beliefs. Like people, man, we're, as human beings, we were so good at passing along these statements. And they become statements of belief, and then we attach onto them, and then of course we live what we believe. And the unfortunate thing is, as a child, we're just not, you're not cognizant enough of what's happening to be able to process that appropriately. And so you,

You hear these statements again and again and they get in there, you hear of an experience and it gets imprinted, it's like it's your software update, bloop, and it goes in there. And then it stays in there for so long. And when we finally are cognizant enough and capable as young adults or adults, who's there to teach us how to do that? To systematically go through the things that have been.

inserted, injected, or planted. Who's there to teach us to go through that systematically and say, okay, what beliefs are in there that are not serving you? Right? And how do you evaluate that? How do you get in there and do that? So let me give you several examples. So for example, you make a statement like, I can't do that. What if you were to ask yourself the question, how?

How could I do that? Right, just that one thing. So the statement will close, you know, I can't do it, closes down the mind. Saying, well how could I maybe do that? Just that one thing, the whew, it opens it up, right? We often say things when I'm working with coaching clients or other things, people say, well I've tried everything, it just doesn't work. See that power of that statement? It closes it down, boop.

Rachel Denning (02:52.75)
What if you just literally allow yourself to ask, well, what if I haven't tried everything yet? What if there's another way that I haven't yet explored? Or the way I've tried, what if I tweak it and do it a little bit differently? You see the power there? This is huge! And I know...

Because we're all in this human journey together. I know all of you and myself said things like that. I've tried it all. It's not working. That crap doesn't work, right? And then we shut ourselves down. Here's another big common one. I can't afford that. Like that, that statement right there, I hear from youth who I know they picked it up from their parents or from others. Like I hear from youth, I hear from adults. I can't afford that. That statement.

shuts down so many life altering opportunities. it just kills me. And I've, man, I've used that statement so many times. can't afford that, can't afford that. And I've stopped, years ago, Rich and I, we decided we were done. We're not gonna use that statement anymore. Now, some of you right now, when I say that, like, wait a minute, what if you can't, you truly can't afford it? And here's your switch, right? You say the statement, I can't afford that.

versus the question, well how could I afford that? See the difference? How could I afford that? And then that leads to other statements or questions. You might respond to that question, these open questions that are opening your mind, you might just immediately respond with a statement. Well I can't. Well I don't know how. I don't do it, right? I don't know how. Well.

instead of the question, how could I find out? People miss out on extraordinary life -changing adventures or trips. They miss out on coaching opportunities and learning opportunities, skill development, because they immediately, without even giving it any thought, immediately say, I can't afford that.

Rachel Denning (05:08.494)
And I wanna invite you and challenge you to start noticing the statements.

and start replacing them with questions. How could I afford that? That one question right there, whoa, is mind blowing awesome. Usually the response to that is, I don't have time for that.

and then practice that. So if that's your statement, I hear that one all the time too. I don't have time for that. And it's like, you guys, I could go on and on about this. I love this stuff, but instead of evaluating where our time's going and why we quote, don't have time for that, it's very often, well, again, you asked the question, how could I make time for that? And that, see how that opens up your mind?

Okay, how could I make time for that? It invites your mind now to start looking at ways to make possibilities and at least to start analyzing and thinking. And then it opens the question of like, wait a minute, where am I spending my time? How am I wasting time? And then we make a statement, I'm not wasting any time. I'm so busy. I have so much to do. I have tons on my plate. I just can't do it. Right?

And we see all those statements, statements, statements, statements, statements, closing everything down. But it's like, wait a minute, is there any space here? Is there something I could do more efficiently, more effectively? Is there something that I could cut out? No, I can't cut anything out, I'm too busy, I'm already... We all do, right? I do. And we gotta stop and say, okay, wait a minute, like, yeah, I actually, I have been, I've been spending quite a bit of time on Netflix.

Rachel Denning (07:01.581)
I could replace my Netflix time with learning time, with education time, right? With skill development or, you know, there's tons of opportunities and you guys will have the answers. This is what's so powerful about this practice, this exercise, this new mindset is that you will have the answers, your mind will come up with the answers, but you have to ask the question. There are literally, there are no,

answers without the questions. The statements will shut us down.

And then the fight's over before it's even begun. Whoa. And unfortunately, again, I'm not faulting you, I'm not faulting other people because we haven't been taught, we haven't been trained. And in fact, I would suggest that we have actually been trained to do the opposite. That the system, the educational system and the social system that we've...

been raised in actually teaches that. Well, I would even go beyond teaching. It trains us in that. Remember my favorite archilochus quote? That we do not rise to the level of our expectations, we fall to the level of our training. And what's the training? We have been trained, not only taught, but trained to have...

a scarcity mindset.

Rachel Denning (08:42.317)
a fear mindset to look at something, even if somebody introduces an opportunity to us. We've been trained to look past them, to not see it, to be blind to them. But even if somebody introduces, we say, I can, that's too risky.

That's too dangerous. That'll never work out.

It's crazy, right? We do it with everything! We do it with everything in our lives. And it just closes down door after door after door until we feel like we're trapped and stuck in a very narrow... Well, in reality, isn't it a rut? Aren't we just stuck in a very narrow rut? Ugh.

Right. And so the question is, how do we get out? How do we get out of the rut? Instead of saying I'm stuck, I'm trapped, this is the way life is. I can't change. Hey, how can I get out of this rut? How can I shift this? What's interesting, guys, going back to this concept of kind of the inputting, the injecting, people put these ideas in our heads. I was talking to a friend in a coaching session recently, and she shared this beautiful aha moment of how...

You know, I was asking like, okay, what story? We tell ourselves stories, right? We have a story for everything. We tell ourselves stories and it's stories of, usually it's a story of why we do things or why we can't do things. And so it goes perfect with these statements, right? Instead of asking a question, we make a statement and then we usually have a story along with it. Well, I can't afford that because of this or...

Rachel Denning (10:36.109)
I can't forgive that person because of this. I can't forgive myself because of this. Or I can't do things differently because that's just the way I am. Or my, man, I hear this one a lot. My parents, my grandparents did that, my parents did that. Like it's just, it's genetic. It's in our lives, right? And the question that is, well, what if it's not genetic? What if it's just learned behavior? Boom!

There's this question that opens it up. And so we hear this about our parents, we tell our stories about what happened this, that, and the other. Anyways, this friend of mine, it was beautiful. The example was perfect. She just had this aha moment, like right in front of us, like, like, whoa. When I was like 12 years old, I was singing, loved singing, was doing it well. But at the time, a 12 year old boy laughed at me.

and told me that I wasn't as good of a singer as this other girl.

And so my friend shared that that for her was like this moment of input. And now the story since then in her adult life has been, I'm not very good at singing.

Isn't that fascinating? Isn't that incredible? Isn't that, it's a perfect example that all of us have picked up little things like that. I know I have, I have lots of them and I have to go through systematically and remove all those and I'm still working on that. I think I've gotten most of them because I've been really, really deliberate and intentional about examining all of those things for years. But we've all picked up little statements like that, little experiences that a little 12 year old boy laughs and makes a comment.

Rachel Denning (12:21.773)
And so then we just take that and make it a part of our identity.

and we make a statement out of it and a story. I like this, statements and stories. That's what it is. It's the statements and the stories that are just keeping us limited and small and down.

Rachel Denning (12:47.469)
So will you with me, please, look at all the statements you're constantly saying to yourself or to other people around you or as excuses. Or when people ask questions, you immediately have the statement response. The statement and the story. my goodness, I love that. The statements and the stories. So let's talk about, remember we.

I love this idea. I've been teaching it for years. It's holistic fitness. Holistic fitness, right? So it's mental fitness, it's emotional fitness, it's social fitness, it's spiritual fitness, it's financial fitness, it's physical fitness. But so let's look just briefly at each area and you just go through and look at the statement. See if you're using statements or questions and if you're telling yourself a story. Well, we are telling this here. Okay, let's be honest.

We are all telling ourselves stories and we are all saying statements. Now that's a bold statement right there. That's my statement about people. man. All right. Is it possible that we're the majority of us are sharing statements and stories? Right. It will turn into a question because it's it's happening and it's it's it's really it's really common. I notice it every day. And so take your fitness.

and your health. What statements are you saying to yourself? I'll never lose this weight. I've tried. I've tried everything. I just can't get healthy and fit. I just can't have the body I want. Right? I'm too busy. And so just, and all my only invitation, my friends, and this is going to be so powerful. And I would love for you to share this with me.

Like identify the statement you've been saying or the story you've been telling yourself and then come up with a question that opens your mind to possibilities or a new story and share it with me. Like shoot me a message, shoot me an email. Like this is so powerful. You guys, we need to share this. So will you share this episode with your friends and family and just toss it out on social media? Like share this episode, take a screenshot of the podcast you're listening to, tag me in it and share it.

Rachel Denning (15:09.549)
We've gotta get this out because the training isn't happening. Well, the training is happening in the wrong way. We're getting that negative limiting statement training. We're not getting the question training. So you go fitness. How could I be more fit? How could I carve out more time to exercise? How could I eat better? I can't afford that healthy food, right? How could I afford it? Or how could I eat in a healthy way that's still affordable? You see what I'm saying? Like,

turn it into a question watch what happens how can i get the body i want now socially what statements do you say to yourself socially well i'm just not an outgoing person or i'm just not i'm just not friendly people don't like me i don't have any many friends i'm not i'm not i'm not a leader how could you be a leader how could you be more friendly

Right? What if I were more outgoing? And just take those statements and stories and turn them into questions. How about financially? You know, we've talked about, I can't afford that. How could you afford it? Well, this is all I earn. How could I earn more? Well, it's my job. My boss, I asked for a raise and my boss won't, you know, there are the statements and the stories again. I've asked, I have a job. I don't, I can't get a different job. Well, what if you could? Or how could I, how could I get?

more pay. How could I have a side income? Right? How could I start a little side hustle?

How could I, is there an idea? Is there some way I could just come up with the extra money I need? What could I do in the next two or three months to earn an extra thousand bucks or 3 ,000 bucks or 5 ,000 bucks or 30 ,000?

Rachel Denning (17:00.141)
You with me? Ask the questions. I love this. Are you guys feeling this? Man, I'm so excited about this. Our stories and our statements are keeping us small and limited and we just turn them into questions. So financially, what could you do differently? Okay, emotionally, mentally. What statements are you using? I always use the statement, he made me mad. She made me feel that way.

lost my temper, that was the story, I haven't read it ahead of temper. I've told you guys all this before, I had all these statements about what I felt. And man, the story was, the story and the statement around emotions is usually, for many people, it's usually this idea of, it's the circumstance and the situation that makes us feel a certain way. And I'll be honest, most people stink at this.

And I used to too. Most people just totally staying at it and they think the situation will determine the emotion. Right, if somebody cuts you off, like you're gonna be mad. Right, because somebody cut you off. But again, the question, wait a minute.

Does somebody cutting him off have to make me mad? Do I have to respond with anger? Well, no. What could I feel instead, right? In my class for youth right now, we're going through the hiding place again, and I love it. And in the chapter where the soldiers, the Gestapo come into the beye and the police, and they catch him, they finally bust him, and they're trying to get information out of him.

And so they beat Cory, who's sick at the time, and then they beat Betsy. And they bring Betsy back upstairs, we're all sitting there as prisoners. They bring Betsy back, after beating her, she got bruises all over, she's bleeding a little bit. And Cory says, Betsy, they beat you, he beat you. And Betsy responds, yeah, he beat me. I feel so sorry for him.

Rachel Denning (19:13.869)
Boom. Right? Most of us think we have a statement or story like if somebody hits me I'm gonna be so mad. And we tell ourselves sorry that we can't feel otherwise. What other option is there? And that was such a perfect example of Betsy's like, she was being beat and she feels sorry for him. And she learned that from her father who as they watched the Nazis come in and invade, he would say, those poor people.

And he wasn't referring to the Jews, he was referring to the Germans. He felt so bad that they were so blinded.

And, you know, we're, man. Just incredible example, you see what I'm saying there? So emotionally, what statements and stories have we been telling ourselves that we could transform it? We don't have to feel that way. Our situations and circumstances don't force us to feel that. But if we've been living under statements and stories, then we've been limited. So what questions can we begin asking ourselves mentally, like,

Here's the most powerful question. Wake up in the morning and say, which emotion would I like to feel?

Instead of waking up and saying, I feel crappy today. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I'm angry about such and such. that happens. I'm still upset. I'm depressed. I'm discouraged. Wake up and say, what would I like to feel today? How could I feel that today? And choose it. Choose the emotion that you're going to bring to the situation and the circumstance instead of allow to be imprinted on you. And you guys go through this with your whole life.

Rachel Denning (20:57.677)
mindset, with your spirituality, all of it. Woo, I love this stuff. Okay, you guys are awesome. Have an absolutely wonderful day today, because you're going to choose it and replace your statements and your stories with questions and watch. Watch what it does to open your mind and open up possibilities and opportunities and allow us to design the life we want and then build it. Always starting with great.

Questions because my friends awesome is always an option reach upward

Rachel Denning (21:40.077)
Hey everybody, thanks so much for listening to this episode. I hope you got a lot of value out of it and found some things that you can apply to your life right away. Hey, I'm being totally sincere when I say I live to help you live your extraordinary life. So I hope you'll reach out to me if you have any questions or let me know how I can help you in any important area of your life. And in fact, you know, this, this podcast is brought to you by the school of awesome sauce monthly coaching program. Take advantage of that. Get in there. If it's the,

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