#60 5 Ways to Address Your Problems, Difficulties, and Trials

Rachel Denning (00:00.91)
Hey my friends, good evening. man, I wish you were here with me, you could see what I'm seeing. I'm sitting in the hammock right on the shore of this lake that's in our backyard. And it's just, there's a cool breeze. You can hear the crickets and, man, it's heavenly. Some lights glistening on the water. it's awesome. So hey my friends, I gotta share, is that, life?

Life is wonderful. It really is just wonderful. I know I keep saying that, but I believe it and I believe it. And so it is. Like we manifest it, we create it. And what we think about, we bring about and what we believe we achieve. And I know that sounds kind of foo foo la la, but it's real, man. It's real. And so.

Be excited about life. Choose to be excited. Even, okay, check this out, even when it's challenging, choose to love the challenge. Choose to love the challenge. Embrace it. Thrive in it. And if there's something you don't like, get excited, get fired up, and work to transform it. You have that power. You have that power.

that's awesome. So hey, I'm going to talk about today we're going to talk about what to do with your problems and challenges and struggles and your pain points. And this is one of my favorite, favorite things to do when I'm coaching is to get really crystal clear about the pain points in your life. We all have them.

We all have these little spots that are causing problems or pain or frustration, and we want to fix them. And we can, and we should. I mean, it's awesome, right? Life is this journey of growth and improvement, and we're constantly growing. What's fascinating and what I've learned.

Rachel Denning (02:05.038)
And what you'll learn is even as you, sometimes we get this kind of daydreamy idea that as we get better and we get, you know, life gets, we get older and we get richer and wiser that there'll be no problems, but it's not true. And it's actually interesting that as you are pursuing growth and you are pursuing significance, meaning

not meaning that you're trying to be like egotistical significance, but you're trying to live a significant life, a life of meaning and purpose and impact. You actually face bigger and bigger problems.

I know a lot of people thought, well, my problems are financial problems. And then once I have a lot more money, then my problems go away. What's interesting is with a lot of money comes more responsibility and more stewardship and sometimes bigger problems. And so problems are just challenges. Let's call them challenges. They're just going to be a part of life, right? They're just there. And so like we should be stoked about it. Because if you look back over your life, just stop right now and think about it.

When were the times of your greatest growth? When did you grow the most? When did you learn the most? When did you expand the most? Very often, it's in times of a lot of pressure, a lot of stress, and a lot of challenges, because it forces us to rise up.

And this can be challenges that just come on us or challenges that we choose. Maybe you chose to do an ultra marathon or an Ironman or climb a big mountain or learn something that was very difficult and challenging. And you spend a lot of time working or practicing or studying. And so let's just embrace, embrace challenge, embrace the growth that comes from it.

Rachel Denning (04:07.214)
I think so often we just try to do everything in our power to avoid it and we get on this comfort binge and we literally want everything in our lives to be comfortable and pleasant and easy, which fortunately it can't always work out because we would just, that's self -sabotage, we'd tank ourselves. So here's what we're gonna do. There's several ways to respond to trials, challenges, troubles and pain points in our lives. And I want to talk about these.

And you have probably done them all. I sure have. And you'll notice them in people around you and your family members and friends and neighbors and just in people in general, you'll notice that people do these things. And I hope after this podcast episode, you'll have an insight to how people and you are responding to these difficulties.

and then that you'll be able to first acknowledge it, recognize it, and then second, consciously decide how you're going to respond and respond in the way that works best. So let's dive in. Number one, when you have pain points, when you have problems, difficulties, challenges, when something's hurting, when something is off, it's not working, it's not near where it could be. The first thing you can do is nothing.

And you've probably done this before and I know you're going to recognize other people. They're not. They're doing nothing. And they try to ignore it. And they really like they don't talk about it. It's there. And even other people notice it. It's like obvious. Nobody says anything. Nobody does anything about it. Nobody addresses it. And you're all sitting there kind of awkwardly like.

What's going on here? Are we are we not aware of this? Like what's up? And so the first thing you do is nothing and obviously that will just eat at you and it's like it's like I Mean you're just sitting there in the stands Watching your life happen to you watching your problems. Just eat you up because the pain won't go away my friends

Rachel Denning (06:19.822)
the pain will not go away. And sometimes we try to kid ourselves and think that it will. Like, if I just ignore this long enough, if I just, if I just sit here and act like it's not here, it'll just kind of go away, but it doesn't. And the pain eats you up. And then it starts to go on to other areas of your life, right? You felt this when there's a difficulty in your marriage or your relationships, it starts to eat at everything else. When there's difficulty in your health.

It starts to eat away at the other areas of your life and it, and all of a sudden you're having all this stress and all this turmoil and all this angst and frustration and you feel kind of weighed down or just kind of wound up really tight and, and it starts to affect everything because there's a problem there and you're not doing anything about it. I constantly meeting people like, Hey, what's the biggest pain point? And they're like, this is killing me. I'm like, what are you doing? Nothing. Not doing anything. And so it eats them up. So that's number one.

Number two is you can distract yourself from it.

So, and this kind of goes with number one. Number one is like you just kind of ignore it. Number two is you try to distract yourself. So again, you're not doing anything proactively on the problem, but you're, you're, some people call it buffering, you're in avoidance patterns. You're literally just trying to do anything else. You're trying to distract yourself from the pain, from the frustration, from the problem. So you can actually get into addictions, you can get into emotional eating, you can get into pornography and drugs and alcohol.

you can be addicted to work, you can be addicted to sex, you can be addicted to play, you can be addicted to your hobbies, you can use anything as a distraction, anything. So this is where you get like super addicted to video games and Netflix and whatever else. And you can even take good things and just be distracting yourself. And you'll find if you're, if you're super honest, you're often doing these things to avoid addressing the issue, the problem.

Rachel Denning (08:21.71)
You just don't want to bring out. And you know, honestly, maybe it is really painful and so you want to avoid the pain. But if there's going to be healing, if there's going to be resolution, if you're going to get rid of the pain or the problem, it has to come up. My friends, we got to get it up and it's going to be ugly and just nasty. And you got to vomit that thing out like you got a poison in your belly and you got to get it out. So recognize if you're distracting yourself.

If you're constantly turning to other things just because you just don't want to face the music and address that thing and have the courage, my friends today, this week, stop distracting yourself, face that sucker, own up and start doing something about it. Okay. Make some changes, make some commitments. Now, if it seems too daunting, if it seems too big, then make a commitment to take the first action. Okay.

Now the third thing you can do is try to get a quick fix, right? Try to do something. how can we do this? Right? We're trying to get these shortcuts. And what's interesting is like, we're trying to get these hacks. We're trying to get shortcuts. We're trying to find the easy way. We're trying to get a quick fix and man, we loved that. my gosh. We love to do those human beings. It's crazy. We love to do that. and,

People try to trick us and deceive us and tell us there's a pill you can take in place of exercise, which is just so bogus. But we're all in it trying to do the pill, right? We're trying to find some quick fix. What's interesting, my friends, and so powerful, is that we want lasting results with quick fixes. This doesn't work. We want...

deep relationships with shallow efforts. Right? And we want strong outcomes with weak efforts. It just doesn't work that way. The reward and the result are in alignment with the effort. And so a quick fix may deceptively give you some short term results.

Rachel Denning (10:42.126)
but it'll come back up and it'll be ugly and nasty and the pain will come right back. And it's like this superficial cream, cream, right? So I just did this, I did a quick video addressing this topic on my YouTube channel and in my Instagram TV. And I shared the story, like if you went to the doctor, say you have this nasty rash on your arm, you went to the doctor and he gave you a cream and went away.

couple days later it came back. So you go to the doctor and he gives you a cream and it goes away and a couple days later it came back. And how are you gonna start feeling, right? You're gonna be so frustrated. You're gonna be like, hey, what's the deal, man? Like take care of this. And he's like, the rash went away, didn't you? Okay, here's more cream. And what that is just called symptom management. You're not you're not fixing the problem. You're just managing the symptoms and they go away for a little bit and you get this relief and you're like, okay, my problem is gone. But then it comes right back up and resurfaces. And so quick fixes just don't work.

The next thing is a partial fix. So a quick fix where you just try to just do something. Just go right. And quick fixes, man. Look around your life. How many times you do quick fixes in your parenting. You're just like, there's some irritation. There's problems. Quick thing. Go put on a movie. Go put on the game. And that actually, that actually is cool. Collusion where you end up taking action that makes eventually makes the problem even.

worse, right? And you feed your kids nasty foods because it's easy and then you have health problems or you send your kids off to play video games because you don't want to deal with them or give them something else to more effort and then they get addicted to screens and devices and it's a bigger problem. And there's all these little quick fixes that man, they end up being a big problem. The next part then is a partial fix, right? So a partial fix is where you do address it, but

only partway. Like you, you do start improving your health, but only some of it, right? It's just, our bodies are designed in a way that we need to feed them good food and the right amounts. And we need to exercise regularly. That's just, that's the way things are just done, done, done. Ooh. And if you want a phenomenal book,

Rachel Denning (13:07.982)
my wife and I, in fact, and my kids too, we're all going through a book called Spark. And it's just like the revolutionary new science behind how exercise affects the brain and literally your intelligence and your learning and your mind, your brain is directly affected by exercise, the right kind of exercise. Again, we are literally hardwired and built.

to exercise and eat well. So a partial fix would be, okay, I'm gonna start exercising, but I still eat crap, right? Long -term, it's just not gonna work. I know very fit people that had horrible health problems because their food was nasty, or you're overeating, right? And so you stop eating so much, but you're still eating junk or you're not exercising. I mean, we're using physical because it's simpler, but.

You can do this with your relationships, with your spirituality, with your mindset, with your emotions, and you do a partial fix. Now, I love partial as long as it's partial is on the way to complete, right? Because you may not be able to do the whole thing all at once. But the problem with partial is if you just do a little bit and then you stop. And it's easy to do that. I've done it lots of times where you're like, okay, I'm going to do something about this and you start in on it.

And it's just, it's just halfway, right? And halfway just, just stinks. It just doesn't get it done. It kind of feels like it, but it really doesn't. And again, the problem's still there and it comes back and it can grow bigger and nastier. You know, and we kind of pat ourselves on the back and we get this good enough attitude where we've done a little bit and like, well, that's good enough. It's not, it's just not good enough. so the last few days, you guys, I'm so stoked about this.

We're unpacking all of our books and they've been in storage for a while. And we have thousands of books and I just love it. I love books. I love having books all around. It's just so awesome. And so whenever we set up a base camp, which really this is like the first base camp in years and years and years. So we have a serious bookshelf problem, which is a good problem in our case. We got bookshelves.

Rachel Denning (15:26.318)
and we went and bought more bookshelves and we went and bought more bookshelves. And we were like, you gotta be kidding me as we unpack all the totes, just totes and totes and totes of books. And we've got, I think six, six bookshelves downstairs. Wait, let me think.

six or seven. And we still have like totes full of books. So I'm like, you know what? I'm going to build a bookshelf that is phenomenal, right? And I'm going to do it because I've always wanted these elegant, gorgeous bookshelves. And you get online, you start looking around. I want it made out of solid wood, real wood, and just stunningly beautiful.

I've built cheap ones in the past that were okay, but I wanted one that was just world -class. And so I got online and I searched for luxury bookshelves, okay? And they were anywhere from 2000 to like 7 ,000 bucks. And I'm like, that's what I'm building. And so with my son, which was, this is the coolest project, you guys do things like this, tackle a project that's a bit over your current abilities. It's a bit over your...

current skill set and grab a kid and learn how to do it. It is so awesome. So we went and we bought all the tools we needed and it was fun. It was fun shopping and bargaining and bartering and found this amazing, amazing secondhand store for tools and we got like the best tools, best quality stuff for so cheap. It was awesome. So I'm teaching my kid how to find deals, how to negotiate, how to work with people.

We bought tools, bought all the lumber, and we built this phenomenal bookshelf. It's eight and a half feet high. It's four feet wide. We're going to build two matching ones to put on either side of our fireplace. And I shared it in my Instagram stories and in my Instagram feed. You guys can see it. It turned out amazing. it's so awesome. I'm so excited about it. So now we're just going to stain it like a dark, dark stain.

Rachel Denning (17:39.15)
It is, it turned out phenomenally. Just, just a, just a classy, nice luxury bookshelf. And anyways, so it's, I mean, from, from everything we saw online, we modeled. So I took, I took images from like several different ones and kind of created my own. So it's a, it's a unique look. It's beautiful. And I tell you that story because it's been a fun journey just working on it for the last few days.

of doing it exactly right. Right? Where I've, you can build things, you can throw things together and cut corners, whatever. You guys may have done this, maybe done any kind of crafts or building or anything like that. You can cut the corners and you can, you can do, you know, shoddy workmanship or you can do even good or great, but then you could do it at a top notch luxury level. Right? And.

And this happens in every industry in life. Look around from cars to restaurants. And I advise occasionally going to some of the best restaurants in the world. My friend is it is worth it. Awesome. Save up and go because they are the best like in Paris or in Lima. But like whatever from houses to bicycles to artwork, there's every range from.

Okay, you know, you're, you're cheap, you know, furniture even, I mean, whatever, even cheap, cheap, cheap, or you can go just phenomenal. And we went into this saying, no, we are building a luxury bookcase. So every cut has to be exact. I'm talking if not a hair too long or too short, it has to be exact. Right. And that was costly.

because I made a couple of wrong cuts. And, you know, we had to get good, the best quality of wood. And we had to get the right tools and the right quality of blades. And we just, everything had to be precision. If it wasn't perfect, you redid it. And going into it like that with my son and teaching him those principles, we did the thing right.

Rachel Denning (20:06.094)
And it was awesome. It was such an awesome process to do every little piece of it. All the details, front, back, side, underneath, over every, every bit, every bit of this, just to the details, doing it exactly right. That my friends, and it was awesome, awesome for me and awesome for my son. It was just such a cool, cool experience. And now like when my other kids and my wife came out of the garage to see it and my aunt came over, they were like,

Holy guacamole, you did this? Like, how did you do this? I didn't know you could do this. And my aunt was like, man, you got a second career here as a, what'd she call it? I can't even remember what she called it. But just, you know, making stuff and it was awesome. And I'm not boasting, my friends, I'm not boasting or bragging.

This is the first one I've ever done like this, but I went into it with the mindset of like, no, we're going all the way through and we're doing it the right way. That's what I'm talking about. So I share that to illustrate like when you're addressing your problems, challenges, or pain points, don't do partial. Don't do halfway. Don't do shoddy work. Don't do cheap fall apart in a couple of days or a couple of weeks kind of fixes. Do it right. Do it right.

Use discipline and determination, hold yourself to it and do it right. And that's, that's the last way to address your, your pain and your problem is a total fix and total fix. Meaning you do it the right way. You do it all the way and you see this thing through to the end. You're hitting all the details. You're addressing all the pain points. You're getting a good, thorough, appropriate fix.

and you're all in, right? Because that's the kind of person you are and that's the kind of life you want to lead and you make the changes. And I can tell you without reservation that in my life, when I have addressed any challenges or problems, things that I created, things that other people created, things that life just brought. When I went halfway or I tried the any of these other ways by ignoring it, it just...

Rachel Denning (22:30.126)
created so much problem in turmoil. And I literally struggled for years with these things. And what was fascinating and kind of ridiculous now looking back is I blamed it on life. And I blamed all these struggles on God. God wants me to suffer. And I was like, no, it's me not fixing my problems. And I was blaming him. Or I blame life. life's just hard. And we're having these hard times. Well, no, the hard times were me not fixing my dad gum problems.

or going halfway or quick, you know, quick fixes or trying the pain was just there. I'm like, all I had to do is solve the problem. And so we complain and we whine and cry. We're like, my life's so hard. I'm hurting so much. I'm like, well, why don't you pull that nail out of your hand? it'll hurt too bad. Well, it's hurting you in there. Pull the thing out and start the healing process.

No, I don't want to, you know, I'm just going to look away. And so we struggle along, limp along, drag ourselves through life, you know, whether it's low energy or finance or whatever, whatever it is. And we blame it on others. But when I have committed in my life and I've observed other people, coached other people, in fact, this is what I do in coaching. Coaching is to do a thorough, appropriate job on leveling up.

every area of your life. So I'm different in my coaching approach that it's holistic. Like we're going all or nothing, friends. It's the total, right? We're not going halfway. We're not just going to focus on one area of your life because if you neglect the others, it's going to carry over. You're going to have some serious pain and serious regrets. We're going holistic. We're looking at every life and we're going to level up. We are going to level up. And man, it's so powerful. it's so transformational.

And it brings so much excitement and love and happiness and energy and productivity and clarity and influence and impact. It's so awesome, but it requires a total fix, right? A total approach that's, that's going all the way, no halfway stuff. And so those are your approaches, my friends. Those are the options. Those are the ways you can go after.

Rachel Denning (24:55.758)
the obstacles that pop up in life. Some of them, I know some of you have been dragging your problems for a long time. You've been carting them around. There's a line in the Old Testament that says you've been carting them around like a dumb ass. And I was like, yes, that line in the Bible is so profound because it is, we're just like this dumb animal.

dragging our problems around through life and bemoaning our situation when we could just let them go. We solve them, fix them. And all of a sudden we're like, freedom! Right? And all this lightness and the spring in your step and the happiness and a smile getting rid of the problems. Now I got to tell you, like, I have had my fair share of problems and then some. So I don't want you to think that my life's just been...

all rosy and if you've been listening to my podcast and listen to the beginning and my story on my website, the videos I made, like, you know, I've, I've had my fair share of problems and I still do. That's just the part of life which we're like, okay, great. Bring it. What can I learn? How am I going to learn and grow from this? But dragging your problems around, man, is just a, that's a tough way to do life friends. So let's, let's get after it.

If you want help, this is everything I do. Like subscribe to my YouTube channel for the videos. Follow me on Instagram. It's greg .denning. Go to my website, gregdenning .com. Like this, this is literally what I do. This is my life's work. I love this stuff. I've been studying and training for over 24 years. I've helped people all over the world. If, if, if you want some resources, do you want to help? Man, sign up for coaching.

watch, I have tons of free training, free videos, all the podcasts, like get some help, level up, step up. If you're, if you're ready, make the investment, put some, get some skin in the game and let's go after it. Let's level up your life. but have the courage and the determination to go after it and do it the right way. Get it done so you can unlock your potential and become your very best self.

Rachel Denning (27:17.294)
and live the life which you are destined to live, which is an extraordinary life. Because awesome is always an option, my friends, it is always an option. And hey, can you do me a favor? If you like the podcast and you're getting value out of it, we share it. You take a maybe take a screenshot and hashtag it and tag me and tag it on their extraordinary family life podcast and share it and go over to iTunes or wherever you're listening and give it a rating, give it a thumbs up.

leave a comment or any kind of review. And let's share this. We got to share this with the world, my friends. We got to help people unlock that potential and become their best selves and live a great life because a lot of people are just suffering needlessly and I was and maybe you have too. Just only, nobody's fault, right? Just because we didn't know how. We didn't know how. And that's what's, man, I love that about my work is I love, love, love sharing.

these tools and resources that people, and this happens every day. It happened like twice today when I was mentoring and coaching, where you get to share stuff and they're like, what? I didn't even know that. And it's just these strategies and tools and resources for everything from relationships to mindset, heart set, eating, productivity, like whatever it is, parenting, marriage. There's, there's just these things that, that I've been able to learn.

a voracious study and working with so many people in so many places. I love sharing those things because it makes a gigantic difference in people's lives. As soon as they learn about them and start implementing them, man, they get big results. And so that's one of my greatest joys right now is working with my coaching clients where they, like every time we meet, like, hey, what's working? What's going better? And they're like, I can't believe how much better my life is right now because of this thing or that thing. And they're doing it and we celebrate together. And it is just, it's such a joy.

So go after it my friends, you deserve it. You're awesome. Keep plugging along, keep hoping, keep working. Go after those problems, get a full fix and get it done. Love you guys, reach upwards.

Rachel Denning (29:35.918)
Hey everybody, thanks so much for listening to this episode. I hope you got a lot of value out of it and found some things that you can apply to your life right away. Hey, I'm being totally sincere when I say I live to help you live your extraordinary life. So I hope you'll reach out to me if you have any questions or let me know how I can help you in any important area of your life. And in fact, you know, this podcast is brought to you by the School of Awesome Sauce monthly coaching program. Take advantage of that, get in there. It's the

best way to get a breakthrough to the next level so you can level up your health, your spirituality, your emotions, your mind, your relationships, your finances, business, every part of your life. Just get in there where you have a coach and a mentor, you have a supportive community to make things happen. So jump in there, take advantage of this, try it out, get in there with us and level up your life. See you on the inside. Reach upward.