#66 Living Your Dream Life Comes Down to a Specific Ability

Rachel Denning (00:00.814)
Hey guys, good morning. Hope you've chosen an emotion for the day and that you're living it and feeling it and making today count.

Isn't it great to just pause for a minute and feel how wonderful it is to be alive? I think sometimes we forget to do that, we take it for granted, we just get up, we kind of get going into our things and we neglect to pause and value the fact that we woke up this morning, because some people didn't.

got up and we've got another day and yes it's easy to think about the grind and the monotony or the chores and errands and demands of the day and think why should I be excited but let's let's choose to be excited because we're alive my friends because you woke up and you get a chance.

another chance to have another day of life. That actually, that mindset right there will help us get through those chores and errands and demands of the day in an extraordinary way. All right, so I have a question for you. So I want you to think of something you do regularly, right? Something you've become proficient at, you're good at, and I want you to think about the first time you did it and how it felt. Maybe it was the very first time you went to like,

workout or to a gym. You remember that? I remember that. I remember going in the gym and like, what are these things? What are these pieces of equipment here and how does one use them, right? No idea. And then that first awkward time you kind of lay down on the bench and you grab the bar and you're like, you're trying to balance it and you're like, whoa, like what am I doing with this bar?

Rachel Denning (02:09.709)
right and I don't know if I can put any weights on there, you know, and it felt so awkward, right? And you're so unsure of yourself. Maybe it was the first time, I mean, for some of you, it might be the first time you got on a bike. You remember that, just the wobbling and the falling and the fear. Might be the first time you tried to cook something. You're like, what now? What in the world? And it could be the first time you tried to paint or draw.

or first time you sat down at a piano and you see all those keys and they make sounds but what? Or a guitar or violin or a flute or maybe it was the first time you drove. You know what I'm saying? Something you've become proficient at, something you've been good at when we first started, it's just so awkward and we feel so uncertain.

and afraid and our first attempts always are kind of clunky and they don't work. And the same is true with almost everything in life. Like when you get married, you're brand new at marrying and marriage and you don't like, how do we do this? How do we do marriage? And when you get a kid, you're like, yeah, we have a kid. And they're like, now what do I do? What do I do with this kid? And when it's your first kid,

Excuse me, when it's your first kid, it's every day is the new day, right? Every day is a brand new day.

Rachel Denning (03:45.453)
my gosh, it's so awesome, isn't it? And it's all new and clunky. Well, here's what's interesting, my friends, and we're gonna dive into this today. You've heard me talk about the book, Talent is Overrated. And if you haven't read it yet, I wanna invite you to get it and read it. And we're gonna talk about that whole idea about talent genuinely, really being overrated because it actually, at the end of the day, it ends up being kind of an excuse.

where we think, they're just so talented. They're so lucky. Or we use it as excuse of like, why don't I just don't have the talent? I'm just not very good at it. You know, the most common time I hear that is I'm not good at names. Man, people say that all the time. I'm not good at names. And the truth of the matter is for all of us, let this sink in my friends for you, for me, for all of us. We are not good at the things we don't practice.

and we become good at the things we do practice, especially if we really practice them and practice them well. So the whole point of this wonderful book and this great idea that I want to talk about today is that everything in life,

that you want to do and be good at comes down to practice and not just any kind of practice, right? Not just, not just like, yeah, going through the motions kind of practice, but what what's been termed by many researchers and, and coaches as deliberate practice where you're specifically working on developing skills, you want to get better and you're, you're actually in a good practice, you're actually kind of uncomfortable.

Right? You're pushing your limits. You're straining. Maybe it's mentally or emotionally or physically or spiritually or socially or whatever it is. You're straining there. That's the point of practice. You know you've had a good practice. If you're just exhausted, like, whoa, wow, okay, that challenged me. And it's true in every area of life, especially, my friends, the ones where we don't think it's relevant.

Rachel Denning (06:02.381)
When do you think about practicing your skills and having a coach and lessons in the context of, say, marriage?

and parenting.

and life and work. Right. We we understand this and you've heard me talk about this. I'm going to keep talking about this forever because it's so powerful. And the idea I keep repeating it because I hope one of these times it just hits you so forcefully like whoa whoa anything I want to get better at. I need to deliberately practice with a coach. All right. And that's that's every aspect of life.

We can practice it and it's a skill set. So the vast majority of times you're having problems in with yourself. Like maybe you're having thought problems getting your mindset down. You're having some some struggles with your psychology. Maybe you're having some struggles with your emotions. Right. Perhaps you're having struggle in relationships or in your studies or at work.

or with having impact or influence in a community or an organization or leadership. You're trying to lead something, you're trying to persuade people, you're trying to get something done. It's just not working. It might be just in raising your kids and running a house and just getting through life. It can be so challenging and here's what's fascinating. I love this idea because it's so empowering.

Rachel Denning (07:43.629)
Whatever it is you're struggling with, whatever challenge it is, it comes down to a skill set. When you reach a limit in your current skill set, that's when the problems arise. That right there. When you reach a limit and the limit of your current skill set, that's when the challenges and problems arise.

Wow, right? So whatever it is you're facing right now, and it can be health struggles or...

Any any number of things it might be even planning or scheduling your day or being more productive it might be getting control of your habits and The way you're using your time Might be energy levels. You just feel like you're dragging might be in survival mode all the time You with me? It doesn't matter what it is. We can dive in and push in right and And then like here's a quote. Here's a quote from the book

Rachel Denning (08:51.405)
Being good at whatever we want to do, whether it's playing the violin or running a race, painting a picture or leading a group of people, is among the deepest sources of fulfillment we will ever know.

What most of what we want to do is hard. That's life. Encountering problems and discouragement and disappointment is inevitable. So any knowledge about what makes us better at the things we want to do, real knowledge, not myth or conjecture, can be used not just to make us richer, but also to make us happier. See, there's fulfillment in doing hard things and in growing and progressing and getting better at something.

In fact, research for years and decades has found that there's also confidence in getting better at things. So it's directly tied to your competence. I've talked about that before too. So now we have all the research backing up saying, look, we'll be happier, we'll be better at it, we'll be more successful, we'll be more confident if we practice the things that matter. Let that sink in. If we practice the things...

that matter. Whoa. But practice requires us to arrange our lives in a certain way to fit in practice or for many of us rearrange our lives in a particular way. And we have to carve out time, space, energy and effort and focus and resources. Right. Where we have to make it a priority. And I want to.

invite you to think about...

Rachel Denning (10:45.581)
Practicing every important area of your life. So if if it is in your life and it's going to be a part of your life I want to invite you to see it as A thing you need to practice that you need to set up a deliberate deliberate practice schedule to get a coach and View it in that way. So if you're if you're gonna earn money In life in any way shape or form

I want you to see that as something you need to practice, but deliberate practice, not just show up, okay? If you just show up to your business, show up to work, you can kind of go through the motions and you can maintain it. But we practice so we can get better and keep improving. And research shows that we can keep improving, improving even into old age, right? Where some of our skills and abilities start to wane a little bit, where we practice, it continues to improve. And they've found that in the research.

And so you pick your thing, whatever, like whatever it is, it's going to be in your life, right? So I plan on always being married. And so I'm going to practice deliberate practice and coaching in marriage. I'm always going to be a parent. Now I have seven children. And even when they grow up, I'm so many parent and grandparent. I'm going to practice that. Right. I'm going to practice it. And I'm going to practice each part of it, whether it's listening, listening or mentoring.

intimacy and marriage or dating or communication and understanding you know for me it's teaching mentoring coaching I want to keep practicing that because I'm gonna do that for the rest of my life I love it and and I'm on a I'm on a quest to be absolutely world -class in the things that matter to me and you ought to do it in saving and investing and

and taking care of your body. Every one of us has a body. So we ought to practice having a body, the best practices of having a body of exercise, of eating well, and get coaching in that. And again, coaching comes from all levels of conversations, thoughts, capturing your own thoughts, journaling, reading great books, listening to podcasts like this, watching videos, to actually hiring coaches. And don't be afraid to hire coaches, my friends. In fact, make it a part of your mindset, like you hire coaches.

Rachel Denning (13:11.501)
Because anyone, so here's some thoughts here. He says from the book, anyone who thinks they've outgrown the benefit of a teacher's help should at least question that view. There's a reason while the world's best, and he says golfers here, but performers still go to teachers, right? And one of those reasons goes beyond the teacher's knowledge. It's his or her ability to see you in ways that you cannot see yourself. That is one of the most.

power things about coaching. And if you look at the best performance top formers around the world, they have coaches and, and great coaches are expensive, right? The best coaches in the world charge over well over a million dollars a year to work with them.

Right. I remember one of those, one of those coaches mentioning in a, in a video that he had a client that is now, I think, I don't know, 10, 12 years that this client has paid him over a million dollars a year for the last 10 or 12 years to coach him so he can stay at the top of his field. Right. And so we need to invest in that and focus on that. So here's my question for you. I just wanted to kind of.

hit the principle there, point it out again. I know you've heard me say this and I'm gonna keep repeating it because it really is. It's a skill set and everything is trainable. Everything is trainable. Your mindset, your thinking, your feelings, your emotions, your spirituality, your interactions with other people, like all of it. Everything you do in your life from how you sleep at night, how you get up in the morning, what you do with your morning routine, how you get into your day, how you interact with people when they wake up.

How other people treat you. Do you know that's trainable? We train people how to treat us. You know that we often don't take responsibility for that. We kind of said it like, it's on them. But we train people how they can treat us. That's trainable to going throughout my day. Like, what do I do in the mornings? What do I do in my or my energy level sustained throughout the day? Or my bonking? And what am I eating? What am I consuming? What media am I consuming?

Rachel Denning (15:23.053)
What am I listening to? What am I watching? What are my bedtime routines? What my lunch routines? My interactions with co -workers and strangers? Like every part of your life, go through your whole day and just watch today. Watch what you do today. And just look at it and realize that every single part of it is trainable. And then ask yourself this, how would my life be better or different if I was five times better at that? About 10 times better at that.

and then choose something and work on it. And again, this idea is so profound and so powerful to me. It just permeates my whole being. And I just want to keep shouting it from the rooftops and sharing it in videos and podcasts and coaching. Whatever you want to be great at, and again, I'm going to repeat this again. If it's a part of your life and it's going to be a part of your life, just choose to be great at it.

Choose to be great at it. It's like, I feel like I'm repeating myself endlessly here, but I just want to drive this home. If it's a part of your life, then just be great at it, because it's gonna be a part of your life. So then pick the thing you want to be great at and practice it deliberately.

Here's the coolest idea. This is what just radiates through me. You and I have the power and ability to choose skills.

that if we become great at, we deliberately practice and become great at in the next few years, can completely transform our lives and in some ways guarantee our success.

Rachel Denning (17:08.365)
We have to get that into our heads.

because every week I'm coaching individuals and families or couples.

And we all have our challenges and struggles, my friends, every one of us. We all do. That's just part of the game. But when we're better at it, when we have the skill set, it can almost guarantee our success.

Rachel Denning (17:40.461)
And so I want you to choose again. Like how often, see some of you have financial struggles and they keep recurring. Or maybe you don't have struggles but you want to get to another level. Make that one of your deliberate practices to understand money. Or to gain the skill set that will dramatically increase your earning capacity. See, Brian Tracy one time taught that.

that your greatest asset is your earning ability. Your earning ability is your greatest asset. That's trainable. That's something you can practice. That's something you can get great at. And it might be in a completely different field or it might just be getting really great in the field you're in. Some of you have perpetual relationship problems. You're just always struggling in your relationships. That's trainable. That's something you practice.

And you, yes you, I'm going to emphasize this in case you're doubting, you can train that.

And you can almost guarantee the quality of your relationships by dramatically improving your skill set in relationships. If you're five or ten times better at relationships, is that going to make a difference in your life? You better believe it. And so if you find yourself having perpetual problems in something, whether it's with your kids or...

with strangers even, or people you work with, or extended family. You got caught in these dynamics. And maybe it's been that way your whole life, right? I know, because I hear this all the time too. I'm like, it's always been this way. My whole life it's been this kind of dynamics. You can change that by practicing, deliberately practicing. Maybe you've been plagued by doubt and fear your whole life. Well, it's been...

Rachel Denning (19:52.077)
what you've been trained to do or trained yourself to do, it's in your mindset. You can change that through deliberate practice. You can actually get mindset coaching and you can practice it day in and day out again and again and again and again and again and practice and push through those hard strenuous practices. And I'm telling you, every part of your life will transform and change. And the more you practice, again, deliberate practice and really world -class performance,

requires thousands of hours. And it may be a year or three years or five years or 10 years.

But what are you gonna do? Right? I guess with me, I wish we were there to talk through it and just look at this and have each of you share like, hey, what's your thing? Where's your biggest pain point? What are you looking forward to? You know you have to just absolutely master this thing. And it's not about talent. Talent's overrated. It's about skills. It's about the skill set. It's about.

jumping in even if you're even if and especially if you're the underdog or if it's just something you've never been good at you might be saying that I've never been really good at that you can perform at a higher level you can train yourself to get to one of the highest levels but it takes deliberate challenging practice and coaches and mentors and teachers.

You can make this happen and be successful in every part of your life. So please don't ever discount it. If you find yourself right now discounting any part of your life in some way like, well, I've always struggled with this thing. It's just the way I am. Don't let that be a part of your identity. That's just the way I am. That fixed mindset, the growth mindset says I can, and that's the whole basis on the fixed mindset versus the growth mindset. The growth mindset says I can make

Rachel Denning (21:59.117)
improvements in this area of my life by practicing it.

Right? Whoa. And and never allowing yourself to just stop where you are and just remain there. Right? Because great performers never allow themselves to reach that spot where it's just like, okay, I'm done in that area. Like, they keep growing. Right? It's it's the effect of continual, deliberate practice. We don't we don't just live by default. We don't live by

just allowing things to happen. We're pushing those limits and going after it. So what's that thing you guys? I know I've asked you this before. I know this is gonna sound similar to other things I've said before. But we can, we can literally alter every aspect of our lives by getting really serious about it and identifying what skill we need. What is the exact skill we need?

and then practicing it and practice and practice until we get the very specific abilities that we need in order to excel in a given area of our life. Identify and practice the specific abilities that you need in order to excel in a given area of your life. Now, let's take parenting for example. It's been interesting. In the last few weeks, I've noticed that a lot.

wow, I don't know why it's really standing out recently or I'm in a certain, I'm in a new area and it's like, and I noticed it. I've been thinking about it and writing about it and then I mentioned it to my wife and she's like, whoa, yeah, me too. And it's interesting with parenting, you step back and after you learn something, you're in it for a long time and you study and you practice and train and you notice, it's easy to notice it in yourself and in others, like where a certain skill set would work and I've noticed some.

Rachel Denning (24:02.797)
some parenting mistakes that are being made. And I'm like, that's why it actually creates the problem and perpetuates the problem. And I'm not faulting anyone or judging anyone because usually they don't know. It's always the case where I'm like, we just don't know about that skill set. And so we can settle into life thinking, it's just this kid or, this is how parenting is. And the truth is, can I be totally honest with you guys and love you?

and coach here, the truth is that's not the way parenting is, that's the way ineffective parenting is. Right? And I've been there, man, I've been there, and I still make plenty of mistakes, and I still am working on my skillset as a -

But when we're ineffective at something, because either we don't know how, or we're just not very good at it yet, it's brutal. it's brutal. And then we sit back like, this is so terrible. And the reality is that, and again, ask yourself, what if you're five times better at that? What if you're 10 times better at that? What if you had all the knowledge and skills you needed to just nail that? Would it make a difference?

And the course is absolutely, absolutely is the answer, right? And I've seen a lot of that lately. And so we just study it. We train it. We practice it. We practice those interactions. We practice those, those methods, those specific abilities in that given area of our lives and watch how it transforms what's happening. Man, it's powerful. So now instead of sitting back and just taking your entire life right now, you might, you might sit down and jot out.

you know, each important area. So you might make a list of, of, you know, seven, eight, 10 areas of your life right now, that are important to you. And then you out to the side of it, just a very specific ability in that area that you want to work on. Right. So it might be health, finances, spirituality, marriage, parenting, education, income, you know, just go down through those things, the hobbies you have.

Rachel Denning (26:14.029)
Just pick those areas of life and then out to the side of it, write down a specific ability that you know, and there might be several in a given area, but pick a few of them and you might just jot them down, but pick one or two of them to really focus on and say which one would be most important? Which one would help relieve the pain points here? And then start on it. And I feel pretty confident in saying, my friends, that if you start practicing deliberately,

I feel like if you're doing this well and you're doing it right, that you'll actually begin to see benefits and changes even within a couple of weeks. And if you maintain that, watch what happens over months and years.

how it just a dramatic effect in the way things are done. And I've seen this, as I've coached in our monthly coaching program, the School of Awesome Sauce, when we share these principle ideas about making the changes in you, focusing on you and the skill set, we get feedback constantly of like, I can't believe, I didn't believe, when I heard you said anything is possible, how much this is changing my marriage and my parenting, our family culture.

It's just a feeling in our family, the way we're getting things done. It's just all built around these specific abilities that are all trainable and practicable, and they transform things. So begin to see your life. I guess here's the big takeaway. If you made it all the way here, thank you, thank you for listening, thank you for being here. This is awesome. This is the big takeaway. See every part of your life as a trainable thing that you can improve. And whenever you have a problem, look at it as a lack in a skill set.

Don't beat yourself up about it. Just say, there must be a skill here, a specific ability that I need to work on, and when I work on that, it will improve the situation. And don't allow yourself to say, there's nothing I can do to change this, or I've tried everything. Nah, nah, nah. We can practice. We can learn. There's more things we can try, and there's more we can get better at. And we can stay in it consistently and longer. this stuff's powerful. Now, if you...

Rachel Denning (28:31.949)
If you have a certain pain point in your area and you want some help, I'm happy to help. Go to my site, gregdenning .com, sign up for a coaching session. And again, it's my ability to see you in ways that you cannot see yourself, right? This outside perspective. Or it might even just be accountability. Like you know what you need to do and I'm like, I'm gonna help you be accountable. Right? Or ask the right question or.

or share things that have worked for thousands of people around the world as I've worked with people for a couple of decades now. Right, and it's just, we'll try this. If this pain point here, this struggle here, what about this, what about that? Give this, try and do this. And that deliberate practice in that skill set begins to transform everything. And you can take your life from wherever it is right now. I want you to see this and feel it. Just pause, whatever you're doing, just pause for me.

Take your life, whatever it is right now, and see it at the next level. Thriving, what does that look like? What does that feel like? Thriving at the next level.

Marriage is tight, exciting. Parenting's working. You're actually enjoying it. I know you have days that you don't like it. You don't like being a parent because it's hard. It's brutal.

Rachel Denning (30:02.965)
where in this next level, you have the finances you need for the things you need to do and want to do. You have the friendships and relationships. You have the impact, the influence. You're going through your days with a spring in your step because you feel fantastic. Your body's in an awesome condition. Your spirit is settled and centered, peaceful.

and you wake up every day and you just love life. It just feels so good to be alive.

and you're going through your days with this competency. You feel really good about how you're doing things. Mir, we talked at the very beginning, I asked you if you're doing things, you're proficient in now, but you felt awkward in the beginning. Some of us have been in that awkward stage because we've never practiced at getting better. So let's make this happen, my friends. Get to work, let me know how I can help. You can jump in the School of Awesome Soft, the monthly coaching, or sign up for.

a coaching session, but go after these skills. Read this great book, Talent is Overrated. Set up deliberate practice for everything you need to improve and want to improve in your life. And let me know how it goes. Tell me what your practice is on. Shoot me a message. Let me know what you're practicing, what you're training on. And tag people. Take a screenshot of this and tag people. Share it with the people in your life that you love. Because if you love them, you want the best for them.

then they need to understand this principle about skill set and that what they're struggling with, if people are coming to you or you're noticing that they're struggling or having a challenge, share this with them. Because it's about skill set. And if we don't know that and they don't know that, right, they don't know it's a skill set thing, they just think, man, this is brutal, I don't know what to do about it. Share this with them.

Rachel Denning (32:02.701)
because it'll make a difference. We all need to go through life seeing each part of our life as trainable, a trainable skill set and an ability that we can improve and progress and transform our own lives. Awesome is always an option my friends. Reach upward.

Rachel Denning (32:23.437)
Hey everybody, thanks so much for listening to this episode. I hope you got a lot of value out of it and found some things that you can apply to your life right away. Hey, I'm being totally sincere when I say I live to help you live your extraordinary life. So I hope you'll reach out to me if you have any questions or let me know how I can help you in any important area of your life. And in fact, you know, this, this podcast is brought to you by the school of awesome sauce monthly coaching program. Take advantage of that. Get in there. If it's the,

best way to get a breakthrough to the next level so you can level up your health, your spirituality, your emotions, your mind, your relationships, your finances, business, every part of your life. Just get in there where you have a coach and a mentor, you have a supportive community to make things happen. So jump in there, take advantage of this, try it out, get in there with us and level up your life. See you on the inside. Reach upward.