#89 Living In Joy

Rachel Denning (00:01.134)
Good morning my friends! I'm sitting outside right now in the blessed sunshine of an absolutely gorgeous morning and I'm just so thrilled to be a -

And so, so thoughtful about living joyfully. It's been on my mind a lot. And the more I meet with wonderful people from all around the world and the more you just experience life and the older you get as the years pass and new years come and birthdays come and holidays come and go and kids change and grow up and life just passes.

You guys have those moments where you just kind of stop and you feel like an observer of life and you just kind of can step aside mentally for a minute and just observe life happening. And when I do that, I just think, I want everyone to be so happy to be so joyful. In fact, I just, I recently did a full video about being

joyfully married and just letting joy radiate through your life and allowing it to permeate who you are and how you live.

just to be your way of being because because it's it's possible. That's an option. That is an option to live an absolutely joyful life. Almost almost as though you walk in the sunshine, even on cloudy rainy days, like the light just passes through and just fills you or in part you become.

Rachel Denning (02:09.582)
the light. You just need to roll with me with that on that metaphor for a minute. You become the light and you are a generator of light and warmth and goodness and you actually spread light to others and you become a source of light and joy.

Does this, does this hit home? You feeling this? man, I love this stuff. And I want to share a whole bunch of thoughts today that just kind of piecing together from experiences I've been having and thoughts I've been having, quotes I've come across and books I've been reading.

And I want to talk about how you and I can settle into, I don't know if I like that word, but settle into this space and place of joy to a role, a way of being. Maybe it's not settle in, it's climb into, right? Cause there's a, there's this step of, of, of motion of reaching. And we move into this place.

where our life is marked by joy, deep joy. And it's interesting. So I've never really myself been strict about distinguishing between happiness and joy. And I've kind of used them. I can intermix them, but I know a lot of people out there. In fact, I've read entire books. The entire book was about the difference between happiness and joy. And people like to distinguish that happiness is a little more superficial and you get happiness from, you know, you set a goal and you achieve it and you're happy and

You get something you want and things are going well and you're happy. But most people say that joy is much deeper, like it just is deep in the soul. It's permeated there. You've handed yourself over your whole being over to joy. You're just saturated often because you have let go of the outer things. And we'll talk about that.

Rachel Denning (04:21.902)
So I might use the words happiness and joy a little bit intermixed here. But what I'm talking about is that deeper meaning. And I want all of you to have this. And wherever you are listening to this, some of you might be washing the dishes, some of you might be driving, some of you might be sitting in a quiet office space or at home or working out. But I want you, as you're doing your thing, I want you to go with me and almost kind of detach a little bit from...

your space. Not so much if you're driving. Keep, be safe, keep driving. Like pay attention to the road. But I want you to, are you with me here? I'm trying to describe this. I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to try so hard to articulate this whole.

Transformation piece. This inner...

Morphing like where or something we have this privilege to alter our paradigm our reality literally to alter ourselves and hand over our Whole being into the space of light and joy and peace. I know this sounds really metaphysical

but I want you to roll with me and even just consider if it sounds kind of weird, just kind of roll with me and be like, okay, how can I, how can I allow pure joy to just permeate and saturate every part of my being? this is good. Okay, so let's dive in. How do we get to this point? And you'll meet people like this. It seems to be rare. It really does. It seems to be rare that there are, there are some people who just live joyfully.

Rachel Denning (06:12.302)
day in and day out and you meet them and they just radiate joy. Have you met people like that? I love being around them. In fact, I loved it so much and was so drawn to it for so long that I wanted to be that person. And I literally remember thinking that I want to be the person who lives in joy. And I, and I remember meeting people all over the world that just radiated joy.

pure joy and happiness. And you know what was fascinating to me is that it didn't the common denominator was not circumstances. And it wasn't material things. It didn't depend on what country they had been born in. It didn't depend on what race or ethnicity or what gender.

It did not depend on their economic or social status. It didn't depend on the condition of their houses or their bodies. Like none of those things that we often get caught up in thinking, when I have that, then I'll be happier. And maybe, maybe that's where that is that distinguishing piece between happiness and joy. Some of those things bring the happiness, but when you meet people, they seem to have transcended all of those other things.

You with me on that? They just, it wasn't a factor. They just beamed. You know what I'm talking about, right? You've met people like that? They just beamed with light and warmth and goodness. And I can see them now in my mind's eye in India, rural India, in the middle of nowhere.

extreme poverty just radiating I can see them in the way up in the hills in Guatemala indigenous villages in this tiny little house with this tiny little person she wasn't even up to my shoulders and she just glowed

Rachel Denning (08:27.374)
I can see them in Morocco, out near the Sahara.

I can see them across Europe and in Iceland and all across the United States and Mexico. I can see them in Nepal, far, far, far up in the mountains where you have to walk for days to get these little villages or monasteries. I can see them gathering wild mushrooms there. And it's all these interactions, these memories, and these people just radiated. And you knew...

There was something special about them, something unique. And I think that thing is they had given themselves over to joy. Somebody one time said that joy has little to do with our circumstances and everything to do with our focus. And it's reported that Helen Keller said that many persons have a wrong idea about what it is that constitutes true happiness or joy. I added the or joy there. The quote continues.

It is not attained through self gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose. That's, that's that handing themselves over, right? That's, that's giving yourself over to a deeper, more meaningful, more purposeful way of being a way of living an objective. It's getting outside of what we call the rat race, what I call the peacock pageantry.

where we feel like we're just constantly in this pageant trying to, you know, outdo the others, where we're just hyper concerned for the opinions of other people. And you know, these measurements, this is what gets in the way. It's the social measurements. We are so hyper sensitive sometimes to social measurements that we literally neglect our own joy and happiness.

Rachel Denning (10:33.646)
because we're trying so hard to keep up with some kind of social standard.

of spoken or unspoken measurement of the pageantry. And our focus is so much on that, that we literally miss out on being a truly joyful person.

Woo! And yet that deep joy that we're talking about comes from being aligned wholly and completely with an ultimate objective and purpose, a much higher life purpose with greater meaning and the commitments, the determination, the dedication to seek those things, to be those things.

And we give ourselves to that wholeheartedly and completely like we can't, we can't do it in pieces because it would be fragmented, right? It would be incomplete. It's, it's a wholeness. Like we can't hold back. You know, got this little, this little section of our heart here that's just filled with selfishness. And we're going to hold onto that and our favorite little.

little sins or whatever, like whatever it is, our favorite little social competition or something or our envy or jealousy, our bitterness. Like we hold onto that, right? Cool. I'll give away everything else, but that and that all that does is limit us. It limits ourselves.

Rachel Denning (12:14.766)
Right, and so we have to find our place.

We have to take our stand.

We have to ignite and feed the inner light. Really for me, the inner bonfire and just, whoa, yeah. You just filled with this radiating permeating light. You know, are you with me? I hope you're with me here. I wish we were together, but are you feeling this? Like you can live at that level. It's 100 % possible.

Most of you, I think, have experienced this. Some of you, I'm sure, live like this. And I live like this now. I pursued it. I wanted it so desperately. I lived for it. I transformed for it. I can wholeheartedly say I live with this joy, day in and day out. I do. And initially, years and years ago, I would blame my circumstances. And I would blame, well, clearly, my distractions.

and lack of focus and trying to somehow quote keep up with what others thought. And once I let go of all that.

Rachel Denning (13:35.598)
It didn't mean that I left society. It just meant that instead of, I transcended the measurements, right? So instead of just leaving society and banning it and being cynical or critical or mean, you just step away from it all and live independent of it. I loved how Wayne Dyer used to talk about it. He would talk about how he still would get invitations to tribal events. And he's like, but I don't go to tribal events. I'm not coming back.

Like I've left and I'm not coming back. And we can still live in society and be there, but not get caught up in the tribal events, not get caught up in their little, the little measurements, right? I'm not coming back to the pageantry. And people send their invitations and they'll make comments and they'll say little things like, when are you going to do that? how are you doing in this? And how are your kids? Now, if we let that get to us, it actually disturbs.

our peace and joy and can actually rob us of our joy. But they can say what they want to say and do what they want to do. And we don't have to be bothered by it. We don't have to be cynical or critical or mean or even judgmental. And just even we can either tactfully say it out loud or in our minds just say, well, I don't I don't participate in tribal events or in the pageantry. You know, I stepped aside that not that we're better. It's not a pride position. It's just a.

It's a more grounded position. So what is it that's stopping most people? What's getting in the way? I've already talked about it a little bit of being hyper sensitive to the opinions of other people, of trying to compete in the pageantry. But it's also allowing our minds and our feelings to be caught up.

in things that are so distracting and hyper sensitive and painful.

Rachel Denning (15:40.206)
It's almost like if you had just a terrible itching rash on, let's just say on the back of your neck. And it's just raging, right? I think I told the stories, you guys, it was this was several months ago when I went, I led a backpacking trip and I ended up getting some like poison ivy or poison oak or something on my forearms. man, there were moments that that itch was so.

irritating, so excruciating. I couldn't focus on anything else. I couldn't think about anything else. I couldn't feel anything else. It was an all consuming itch. I don't know if you've had something like that before. And I just, I want to just claw my forearms to try to alleviate it, which I knew was futile because it didn't alleviate anything. I actually had to go get prescription level cream and steroids to stop this thing. It was out of control.

But I think that's a great example. You've got this itch that is so all consuming. There's no way I could have like sat and had a thoughtful moment with a book or a meaningful and deep conversation where we're really present and focused on what's happening because the itch was all consuming.

And we get like that sometimes. We get things in our heads as some kind of criticism, some kind of cynicism, some kind of pessimism, some kind of blaming and complaining, and just an irritation. You guys know what I'm talking about, right? You probably all experience this. Some kind of irritation, it just gets in your head, and now it drowns out everything else.

It's like this background noise that drowns out. You're kind of there, but not there. You can't really hear what's being said because there's so much background noise. It's that. And sometimes it's victimism, and sometimes it's just frustration. You're just bothered. As I've asked people around the world, I go present or speak or do workshops. And I'll often ask, what is your predominant emotion? What's the thing you feel most of the time?

Rachel Denning (17:58.414)
been interesting to get people's answers. Many people say, you know, I hadn't ever thought about it before, but as I as I think about it now, I think the thing I feel most of the time is frustrated or bothered or disappointed wishing things were different, that other people would be doing this or that I should be doing this or that the world were different. And so it creates this background noise that drowns other things out. And I want to make the point today that it crowds out.

this deep permeating joy.

Sometimes for a lot of people, and this was a big, big deal, and I see this more and more every week as I'm working with wonderful people, the thing that's causing so much background noise or the itch that's so all -consuming is often fear or insecurity.

Let that one sink in for a minute.

our fears are all consuming and our insecurities. In fact, just this week, I had multiple coaching sessions with people who had fears or insecurities or both. And the insecurity, both of those, they're both perfect examples of that because it creates so much irritation. It's like that itch. And so we can't settle into this permeated,

Rachel Denning (19:31.022)
joy that's so settled and so centered and so grounded and so beautiful and peaceful like like sitting in this morning sunshine right now.

and maybe it's just fleeting glances or moments where you're like, that was so nice. Come back, come back, help. Right. And we get lost, but we get lost in the circumstances or even the thoughts or emotions of it.

But the people who are just, you know, those rare souls, and you can all do this, every one of you. In fact, everyone listening to this, please, I want to encourage you, inspire you, give you the tools and resources, motivate you, give you the hope that you become one of those rare souls that live in joy. And I'm saying that purposely, that we live in joy. It's like living in the city of joy, in the state of mind.

Rachel Denning (20:34.83)
But those people, they are radiating and feeding, feeding that bonfire of light and warmth and wonder with gratitude, with delight that they're, they find just real happiness and awe and wonder and beauty in small things that just we're delighted. We literally are just find so much.

We almost get giddy.

over beautiful things, even simple things. And we radiate and live with kindness and generosity. Right? And you contrast that with our insecurities, with our fears, with our anxieties, with our pessimism and our depressing thoughts.

And it robs us of our joy. And so we, we, one of the ways to step into that is to stop worrying and fretting and complaining.

Because a mind that is constantly preoccupied with stuff leaves no room for joy.

Rachel Denning (21:58.446)
Let that sink in.

Rachel Denning (22:02.574)
And so we need to give ourselves over.

allow ourselves to be consumed by the light and the warmth of joy by a deep and loving commitment. Almost like when you're getting married, right? And you give your whole self over to your spouse.

And what happens is, and what I want to encourage all of us to do here is to be always involved in this gradual making of ourselves or remaking of ourselves. Because our whole being is alterable. It's changeable. Our mind is our motion, the spirit of us, who we are, and we can alter that. And we do it. You know, I always, you always hear me talking about training, right?

It's always about training day in and day out. It's about the training and it's the little things. Every action leads to it. Every thought leads to it. Every word, every feeling, even if it's just a little bit is making us, it's shaping us. And the more we give over to that itch that's all consuming or the background noise that's drowning out the rest.

It's the gradual making of an unhappy soul. And we've met people like that. In fact, we've probably all felt that, right? And we've met people that way who, who even after a lifetime are just filled with bitterness and remorse and they're just constantly complaining. And it's almost like they're incapable of real happiness and joy. And then you meet others who've gone through...

Rachel Denning (24:00.302)
Really hard situations as well because we might be tempted to think well Maybe they had a really hard life and the people who are joyful. It's because everything's going well It's not true and as you meet these people and as I have you see that those who are just immensely filled with joy They actually are tackling some giant Gantic problems and sometimes they've chosen to take on this huge problem in in in an effort to

help with some great wrong. They'll actually step into a role reluctantly because they don't want to do it. They don't want to be there. But they'll step into a role that they know will bless other people's lives. They give themselves over to a cause that they know is going to bring some relief. And it might be to the planet. It might be to animals. It might be to people.

but they're all in.

Rachel Denning (25:00.878)
and man, it's you with me here like this is so odd and they just they get in on it and and it's not it's not that the burden doesn't take away from their joy. In fact, very often the burden actually adds to their joy, which is ironic and it's a contrast. Many people who were just constantly seeking ease and comfort, our society is very set up like that and we're like.

man, we just want to avoid any discomforts. We want to avoid any inconveniences. We want to avoid like anything that just is going to rub me wrong here or be difficult or challenging or frustrating. I just want to remove those things from my life. And we think that will bring us happiness and joy, but it's not true. A life of ease and comfort won't bring us the happiness and the growth we seek. And it definitely won't bring us the true joy because we have to be engaged in a worthy cause.

Right? Like, like Helen Keller said, and the life of ease, it actually starts to eat at us from the inside out because we were doing less than we are capable of doing. And anytime we do that, can I, can I just pound this home right now? Really emphasize this powerfully and deeply any time that you and I are living below what we are capable of. It robs us of our joy.

and our growth and our fulfillment and our meaning. And it just undermines our self -esteem and our self -worth and our self -confidence. It's like this virus on the inside that just kills us little by little anytime we're living below our potential.

Whoa, let that hit home. And so our occupation and preoccupation ought to be in the bigger things. What's in the Bible says the weightier matters. It's like, and it's just deeply, what's the word?

Rachel Denning (27:07.63)
It's intertwined, all of it. It's all intertwined and it's actually a mixing. I'm not, I wish I had a stronger vocabulary here. It's a mixing of liquids or fluids or things that they begin to mix and they stay kind of separated, but eventually they become one. And they just, it's almost, maybe it's this, maybe it's the one thing dissolves into the other.

until the mixture is just this pure beautiful joy. Here's another quote by Helen Keller. She said, there is joy in self -forgetfulness. And so she said, I try to make the light in others' eyes my sun, the music in others' ears my symphony, the smile on others' lips.

my happiness. Whoa, right? And it's not to this place of self -neglect because we have to always be involved in self -care and filling ourselves so that we have something to give. We have to, you can't draw from an empty well. But the purpose of filling ourselves, the purpose of working on ourselves is so that we have more to give.

not so that we isolate ourselves from a good cause. Isn't this awesome? There was a professor at Yale and you guys, I'm reading a couple things, sharing a couple things from the introduction of a book called The Second Mountain. I've just got started on it and it just hit with all these thoughts I've been having and I'm sharing some of these thoughts and quotes here.

And he quotes from a Yale professor Miroslav Volf who essentially says, look, joy is not a self -standing emotion, right? It's the crown of a well -lived life. And he says, joy is not merely external to the good life.

Rachel Denning (29:18.958)
Rather, the good life expresses and manifests itself in joy. Joy is the emotional dimension of life that goes well and that is led well. A positive, effective response to life going well and life being led well.

Right, I love this And it's it's where we're you guys just living in the light living in joy, I Love that idea like it's and we get maybe maybe we can even see joy as this this thing that exists this light and warmth and radiant beauty and wonder and on delight

and we dissolve ourselves into it, into a worthy cause, into a greater ideal, into this mission, this purpose. And you guys, I get it. Like some of you right now are in the midst of raising little people and they are, they are so taxing and you're like, you are destroying my stuff and.

painting on my wall and cutting the pages out of my books and stabbing holes in my furniture. I've told you guys that story and taking off dirty diapers and dragging them along the floor and keeping me up all night and then getting me up out of bed early in the morning. I know a lot of you are in the middle of that or you're dealing with like some serious stuff at work. I know.

Because I talk to you, I meet with you all the time. I know some of you are dealing with really difficult people at work, bosses, coworkers, employees, partnerships that have gone sour. Like a lot of stress.

Rachel Denning (31:26.766)
Some of you are dealing with divorces, with children who are just going AWOL. They're struggling. Some of you are dealing with really difficult health.

and

situations that seem hopeless. Some of you have lost loved ones.

Rachel Denning (31:53.646)
you're wrestling with some big heavy stuff. And maybe even while listening to this, you've been sitting there thinking, yeah, but how, how in this situation, this circumstance.

And I want to empathize with you and share my love for you and my understanding and I want to honor and praise you. If you're going through some crazy hard times right now, you have all of our love collectively. I know that all the people listening to this will share that same love and thought and prayers and hope that you can get through this. But I also, even in the midst of all of that, I just want to say that we can

dissolve ourselves into joy and live in joy and have a deeper, higher purpose for all we're doing. So we may not even necessarily change what we're doing at the moment because we still have demands. We still have needs. We still have things we need to take care of, but I, I'm confident and I've experienced to myself and helped others do the same. I'm confident that we can alter.

the way we do those things. We can alter what's happening in our minds and in our hearts. And it's totally possible because I've done it to get rid of the all -consuming itch and to quiet the noises that drown out everything else.

And so we're just literally saturated, permeated, consumed, and filled with joy where it just, we are joy.

Rachel Denning (33:41.55)
and joy is us. You with me? Man, it's really metaphysical again. And I'm trying to share this in a way that we just get it like, nah, this is, I'm living in joy and joy is in me. And I just have this deep, deep sense of satisfaction and settled peace in my heart. I can feel it right now. I hope you can feel it right now, even if it's just for this moment.

because you're facing hard things. But I want to invite you to what I was talking about earlier, gradually make yourself.

where it becomes who you are and how you live. And that whatever the day may bring doesn't really matter. You'll go after it. If it brings a problem, if it brings stress, you'll handle it. It's okay. We got this. We'll keep going. And if it brings great things, it brings negative things, whatever, it just brings its things. And you keep moving forward with joy.

and you face your challenges with joy, you chase your dreams with joy, you face your obstacles with joy. You just live with joy and people will come with their problems and their negativity, but it won't stick to you. And you'll, you'll spread some joy and light and love to them. And we quiet our own insecurities and we quiet the ego in there and we quiet our fears and our anxieties because

joy just permeates all of our thoughts and all of our feelings, all of our words, all of our actions. And we're like, we're just bathing in this beautiful morning sun.

Rachel Denning (35:32.046)
and we're in it and it's in us. I love that, I love this. Let's live in joy together, my friends. It's possible. And don't feel guilty about it, don't even be stressed about it. Just start gradually moving towards it. Move towards the light until it becomes a part of you and you become a part of it. and then life is so good and then you can just spread that.

Share it with everyone you meet and in every interaction and it just feels so Wonderful so delicious so delightful So good. love you guys. Remember awesome is always an option reach upper