#304 Things We NEVER Do As Parents Who Are Raising Resilient, Well-Adjusted Kids

Do you feel good in your own home?

The point for me is to relate this to how it makes parenting better.

These seemingly little things make a gigantic difference.

We rarely say yes to any of those.

Games are so destructive.

If you don't want to trade lives with someone, don't take their advice.

Question your methods.

Timeouts, they don't work.

There's there's not a point if.

You want that good feeling?

Don't just dismiss this stuff.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Extraordinary Family Live podcast where your host Greg and Rachel Jenning.

Today we want to share something that what was a few weeks ago, maybe even a couple months ago, we realized what like what is it that there's subtle things, little, little things that.

You're making this sound so serious.

I always thought this is fun.

We're.

Going to it's going to be very fun.

No, I guess I'm I'm walking back to tell a story of like it would become like because there's there's subtle differences that make big differences.

And so there's little things that that people do or don't do that over time, over months, then years, then, you know, let's say 2 decades that your kids are with you over that time.

That's a pretty big deal, right?

So you're like, oh, it's just a small thing.

It's not that big of a deal.

Well, it's, you know, stretch it out for 20 years.

Yeah, and a small thing can become a big thing.

Why?

Because the repetitions just look at repetitions.

So you're like, well, yeah, we did that.

You know, we do it here and there.

You're like well over 20 years, that's thousands and thousands and thousands of times that you do it or don't do it.

So there are there are little things that make a really big difference.

And especially when we're talking about like family culture and, and creating the results you want, like we want a certain outcome.

And parenting in general.

Exactly.

And so it's like if our if our family dynamics, our family culture, parenting, the outcomes we want, we want our kids to become how we want our house and family to feel.

It was really cool.

We had a family come stay with us for a few weeks.

Well, we've had lots of families come through.

With it, lots of families.

So we just had one they left this morning and they said like it it, it just feels so different here, right.

The the feeling you guys have created is is so different.

And we're very well.

We were very deliberate about that until now.

It's become automatic.

Yeah.

It's just our way of being now We don't have to wake up and be like, hey, let's make it feel good.

We were so deliberate about that early on.

We wanted the amazing feeling for us so that every day we feel good in our own home.

And let that sink in.

Listeners, do you feel good in your own home, in your own family?

Does it feel fantastic?

Like this is your refuge.

This is your place no matter what's going on in the world.

Like I feel good in my own home.

Yeah, with my own family.

From our experience of coaching so many people, working with people across the planet, that's rare.

Yeah.

So many people don't even feel good in their own families.

And so we, as we talked about us several weeks ago, we're just like what?

What are the things that we never do?

Yeah.

So that's how it came up.

It came up from different coaching scenarios and then and then talking with our children essentially and amongst ourselves, you and I of like thinking through all of these things that we never or rarely do right.

And so we thought this actually would be a great podcast topic, you know, because, because it is very relevant for all the reasons you just listed that this is, this comes down to in a way, the crux of our parenting, the crux of our family culture and being able to create that environment that we're talking about where you do, you just feel good in your family, You feel good in your marriage, you feel good in being at home with your family, like you want to be with your family and, and.

And they want to be with.

You, they want to be with you, and that's actually what I was.

Other families want to be with you.

They want to be around your.

Family, and in fact, other families will send their children to stay with you because that happens to us often.

It's happening to us right now.

Again, they will send their children to be with us because of the family culture we have created.

And, you know, we'll have teens stay with us for months at a time and then families come to stay with us.

And, you know, so we have created this very unique.

Why do I want to use the word delicious?

I don't know this delicious family culture right where?

Because it tastes good.

Yeah, it does, I guess at where people want to be a part of it.

And so I think part of what we want to talk through today is like, what are some of the key pieces of that?

Like how have we been able to do that?

And we realize there are a few things that that we never or rarely do, and that is at least a major ingredient, if not a foundational piece to being able to create this type of culture.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

And as you're sitting and thinking, man, this is also legacy stuff.

This is legacy stuff where in in a family I grew up in, maybe they always did something and we never do it.

That's a that's a massive shift in generational patterns that often just get passed out and say, no, I'm putting a stop to that.

We don't do that anymore at all.

And, and I'll throw this out here for some people that might be skeptical or critical or cynical, there's there's going to be several things on this list.

You're like, oh, come on, you guys, it's not a big deal.

Like you're a little and we've been accused of being extreme or.

Instagram, I've been accused of being a cult, you know, so I'm yeah, people have accused us of being extreme.

Now, of course, those are the people that don't actually know us.

They just see some of the things we're sharing in, of course, less than 30 seconds.

And to them it seems extreme.

And they're like, oh, you guys are a cult.

Like this is weird, but.

And there's a lot of cultish examples that they're seeing on social media or in the news.

And they're like, oh.

Boy, I mean, there's the whole Ruby Frank thing.

Yeah, I get it like that.

That is a danger.

But I think ultimately we always tell our kids, and my oldest daughter loves this.

She brings it up all the time.

Never emulate or or take advice from someone whose life you would not want to trade with.

Like if you don't want to trade lives with someone, don't take their advice.

And so ultimately.

Have the results they have.

Right.

That's the idea behind that.

So ultimately, I think the proof here to what we're talking about is that it works.

And it doesn't just work because of we say so, but because like we said, all these families that come, they're like, OK, this it's real, it's legit.

They spend months with us.

They see us interacting every single day.

We're not hiding things in the closet, you know, of like, oh, don't let them know about this.

We're just open and honest with our real life.

And they see that and they see that the results are they they taste good, they're delicious, they're desirable, right?

And I think that's the proof, you know, and we've had people come because again, it's one thing to listen to us on our podcast or follow us on Instagram, and it's another thing to come spend time living in the same building with us, right, for months at a time.

And we've had people come who said, you know, we kind of had this idea of what it might be like.

We thought you guys were going to be super strict or stupid Ridge super rigid or, or cultish or whatever.

And they're like, you're not like that.

You're actually very fun and laid back.

And, and in fact, we've even had our own now son-in-law tell us that when he first came to visit us, he thought you guys are, he said.

You guys are simultaneously very.

Harshness creates distance, and frigidity chill.

And chill and very intense at the same time, right.

And so that's, that's a very good description, honestly, of what it's like.

But that intensity definitely plays out in these things We're going to go through today where we're like, no, we don't do that.

And that's the key to creating this culture that is desirable.

And I just, I just was just doing some quick calculations.

We've been having parents send their kids to stay with us for 11 years and it's just been awesome.

And we've had the most epic experiences all over the planet.

And it's a beautiful thing.

And and that's why because we've established, firmly established high standards and a family culture that is just fun and exciting and wonderful and produces fantastic results.

Yeah, and it's fun too because we were actually talking yesterday.

We had a big family call with all of our older children and our son-in-law and they were all on there and it was just, and we're all in different places are one of our daughters is in the Dominican Republic right now or one of our sons is in Madrid, Spain.

Our daughter and son-in-law are in Oklahoma.

And so we're all, you know, we're in Portugal.

So we're all chatting on the phone, FaceTime, and it was just so great because we're all just talking about how much we love each other and how much we can't wait to be together again and like our future plans and dreams of when we're going to be together and what we're going to do.

Like they all love the culture and they love each other and they love to be together.

You know, it's like that's and they miss it.

Yeah.

When they're out and about with other families, other places, they're seeing this.

Is and having, you know, like learning experiences, growing experiences, all good things, but they recognize the culture that we have here and they do they miss it, right?

And they want to be a part of it.

And that's a good thing.

And so, yeah.

So let's go through this list.

Before we get into it though, I just want to throw this out there.

Like if if you're a little bit skeptical or, or cynical or or critical of it, give it a try.

Try it out and at least put it to a test.

At least consider it, chew on it for a little bit.

And if if you find yourself saying it's not that big of a deal, check that because we created the results and we've helped other families create the results doing these same things.

My coaching clients, I'll tell them like, don't ever do that.

Don't do that, don't do this, don't do that.

And and when they eliminate it at first, like really seriously, I don't know, maybe that's a bit much.

I'm like, try it, just do an experiment, do it for two weeks, do it for a month, watch what happens and they'll come back like, oh man, everything has changed.

I we had AI have a good friend and he's also a coaching client and their family came and stayed with us for a few months.

We gave them some very specific challenges about how their kids talk to each other.

And I said, eliminate that from your family for good.

And and they leaned into it and they said it got a little bit better.

I'm like, no, kill it.

Like annihilate it from your family culture.

And so they pushed a little harder.

It went away.

And he's like, I can't even tell you.

Yeah, how good it feels in our family.

Right, which we're going to talk about that.

Is happier and it's it's incredible.

It's so awesome.

And so these seemingly little things make a gigantic difference.

And so if you want that good feeling, don't just dismiss this stuff and say, Oh, you guys are being a little extreme.

It's a little fanatical.

It's not that big of a deal.

Don't knock it.

I guess what I, what I love, this is what I learned years and years ago is like it we're, we're very tempted to criticize methods.

But I guess the way I like to frame it now is like, I don't have the right to criticize a method unless I have better results that prove my methods are better.

So if if my methods are if my results are still weak, I need to have an open mind to other methods because my methods aren't aren't where they need to be if I don't have the results to back it up.

Exactly.

OK.

Let's dive in.

OK.

And as we go through this, I the point for me is to relate this as much as possible to how it makes parenting better, how it makes your family culture better because better parenting equals a better family culture.

As we go through these and again, some of them are going to seem like completely disconnected from parenting, but we want to make the connections here so you understand why that matters.

This.

Is also not comprehensive.

It's not we honestly just.

We kind of threw it together.

Threw it together.

It's so.

Hard to because we've been doing it for so long and now it's become automatic and unconscious.

And often things come up only when people are like, hey, we noticed you guys never do that.

You're like, Oh yeah, we were very intentional about that.

We did that.

But yeah, now on our day-to-day, we did.

Yeah, we don't think about it.

And it's amazing to me how sometimes either because someone brings it up or we we happen to see someone else doing it.

And then we're like, Oh yeah, I remember we used to do that and we got rid of that intentionally, right?

OK, so things we, and as we go through the list, because it's things we rarely or never do, Greg and I are both going to give an answer about whether it's never or rarely for each of us.

So you can see that there's also some variation within the family, right?

And between US and between sarcasm on the list.

I don't know, but we can definitely add that.

OK, let's it's not on the list.

Let's start with that.

Sarcasm and teeth.

I well, are we just going to like read it real quick and then we'll come back and talk about it.

Yeah, yeah.

OK, sarcasm.

And we have to define sarcasm because actually, just a few months ago, I even said something like, yeah, our family is sarcastic.

And you were like, no, we're not.

And I was like, well, yeah, we are.

And you're like, no, we're not.

And so we looked up the definition and the definition of sarcasm, which I don't have it right now, but it has to do with essentially berating, tearing down you're.

Cutting into someone?

That has something to do.

Sarcasm is like, it's hurtful.

You're saying something that causes damage, even if you laugh and the other person laughs.

Because you and I, we've all been, all of us listening, we've been on the receiving end of sarcasm and we're like, that was so funny.

And then afterwards they're like, oh man.

That was painful.

Ouch, That really hurt.

Am I like that, or was that some truth?

There was were they actually tearing me down?

They're trying to be funny, or they just used me to create humor.

Ouch.

That hurts.

Yeah.

And for context, I was extremely sarcastic and I maybe we should separate out.

Separate out teasing.

I teased a lot, especially when I was, because I was socially awkward.

I struggled.

I was so shy and timid.

I used teasing to try to like as flirting.

And of course I thought it was working, but it didn't work at all.

And I used sarcasm a lot because I'm, oh, this is funny.

When I was a, you know, late teens, early 20s, young adult, lots and lots of sarcasm and teasing and, and I should have seen it.

I was blind.

I was absolutely blind.

And I thought it was funny.

I thought everyone was thinking it was funny and, and there was lots of laughs.

But one day I was like, that's so rude.

It's so mean.

And even if it is funny and even if they laugh, like that's not the kind of person I want to be and I don't want to tear someone down even in a funny way.

I want to be spending my whole life building people up and so hard.

Stop on sarcasm, do.

We banter.

OK, so then back to the confusion where I was like, well, wait, we do something, right?

And So what we found, we looked in the dictionary or looked at the thesaurus.

And what we do in our family has lots of bantering.

Bantering is playful teasing.

So we do a lot of that.

But especially when you, yeah, especially when you look at the definitions, you realize, oh, there's a clear distinction between sarcasm and bantering.

And so we do not do sarcasm.

We do do bantering.

We're playful, we're fun, we're teasing, but it's all in a playful spirit, not in a I'm trying to tear you down or, you know, hurt you in some way.

And and I think we're, we're going a little bit deeper here than even going.

For the.

But I, but I want to hit this one especially because even now, I don't know if it's just a natural response because of our culture or, or all the media we see or, or I was maybe conditioned myself all those years ago.

My mind still throws out things.

I could say somebody does something like, oh, you could say that.

And I'm constantly catching myself saying, oh, I could say that right now, but there's no way I'm going to say that.

Oh, it might be funny.

Yeah, but there's the slightest chance it could also be hurtful.

I'm not even going to open my mouth, but my mind still throws out ideas.

I I think partly because.

It's been trained.

Conditioning media.

I mean, if you look at any of the media right now, it's it's it's that we've been conditioned to be sarcastic and and create humor at the expense of someone else.

I think it also honestly comes from public school.

Both of you, both you and I went to public school.

And in fact, this is a good place to bring this in, is that we to this day can still spot public schoolers, you know, 'cause people will come and stay with us.

Some of them are homeschoolers, world schoolers.

Some of them are not.

They're public schoolers as well.

But we can spot them because of the way they interact with others.

It's a very, very much teasing, sarcastic.

It's a hard edge.

There's a lot more bullying, right?

And so and.

Of course, it makes some.

Some are more the bullies, some are more the victims.

They're hypersensitive and they're super defensive.

Like, wow, that's interesting.

Yeah.

And and when you live in an environment like that where everyone's out to get you and make fun of you, obviously that creates an outcome that not positive.

And so that's definitely something that goes on the never list.

Like we're never you and I and our children are never mean to each other.

We're never intentionally hurting or bullying each other.

You know that just is a no go.

It's absolutely unacceptable.

OK, and I forgot to say this, but I need to bring this context here because everything we're talking about and if, if possible, I'm going to try and put this on the video, at least on YouTube side.

It comes from what we call the pyramid of peace.

And that actually comes from a book called the Anatomy of peace.

But the whole idea is you're trying to help things go right rather than fixing the things that are going wrong.

And for most parents, they, I would say they spend a majority of their time, probably 90% of their time trying to fix the things that are going wrong, trying to deal with behavioral issues, trying to, you know, punish or discipline the approach that we're taking that includes these things we never do.

It's all with the emphasis of helping things go right.

And so if you eliminating, if bullying is not allowed, if sarcasm is not allowed, you've immediately eliminated a lot of sibling rivalry, rivalry issues, right?

You're helping things to go wrong, right?

Instead of trying to fix what has gone wrong.

So that's the context here.

I you know, I want all you just see that this all fits within that.

I think an extremely important example of that is that parents with good reason want to help build their kids self esteem.

Oh no, their self-confidence and they hate themselves.

They tear themselves down.

They're just really struggling.

They have no self-confidence, and so they're trying to solve that problem.

Well, the one of the predominant causes of that problem is the sarcasm, the mockery, the teasing that comes in the walls of their own home, sometimes from parents.

Fortunately, from their own parents sometimes.

Then in, in society, we live in a society, a society that's very mean and very rude.

So yeah, we don't do that.

We, we do not participate in that period outside of our home and we don't allow it in our home.

So you want kids that are confident and have a good healthy self-image?

Eliminate that crap.

From your life.

I think this is a very important point for me to add that one.

What you think of your child and the way you talk to your child becomes their self identity.

It becomes their self esteem and their voice.

If if your viewpoint and your words towards them are negative, they will have a negative self esteem it.

Like 2 days ago we went, we took our daughters, our youngest daughters to a ropes course here in Portugal and they love it, you know, and they're up with the harnesses on and climbing around and they got stuck behind a group of kids that the, the girl in front, she was afraid and she wasn't moving forward.

And so they were stuck with all these kids.

And so it was very interesting for them to be able to see and observe all the things that are going on.

But one of the things that happened during this short experience, it was maybe 20 or 30 minutes of them being stuck up in the trees.

And me below just watching is this boy who they were kind of teasing him and it.

And I honestly didn't think the teasing was too mean.

I think it was appropriately appropriate teasing.

But I could tell by his response that he just had a very fragile self esteem because he came to the point of tears.

And when one of the boys said something about, oh, why are you crying, he said, how would you feel if everyone hated you too?

And it literally broke my heart.

I mean, it breaks my heart to think about it now because to me, the very idea that a child and he was maybe 11-12, a child of that age feels that everybody hates him.

And now I get that he's exaggerating or whatever, you know, I get it.

But that.

But I know that would never come out of one of my child, my children's mouths, never.

Because my children don't feel that everyone hates them.

They know that they are not hated.

They know that they are loved.

So when something like that occurs, I know behind the scenes, one, it's happening to him in school.

Two, it's probably happening at home so that he feels everyone hates him.

And then of course, his response was something along the lines of, well, I'm going to kill you or I'm going to kill myself.

He said this as a 12 year old boy.

That is heartbreaking.

And that should not be happening in our homes.

As parents we are responsible to protect our children so no matter what happens to them out in the world, they have the confidence to know they are loved and they are precious and that becomes their self esteem and their confidence in the world.

Like our our girls, all of our children have this confidence and it comes from the love they receive at home.

So that is one of the things we and then this is where I'm bringing this up.

We never say negative or hurtful things to our children.

Never.

To to them or.

About them, I never say anything mean or hurtful to my children.

I've never said to any of them.

You're stupid, you're dumb, you're so whatever.

Like in anger or any other time.

I never ever say those things because that is what creates a lack of confidence for a lack of, you know, a lack of self esteem.

And that is what then becomes issues in in childhood and adulthood.

Like that is where the issues stem.

So I spend on the opposite side of this.

I spend ninety, 9599% of my day or my time or my interactions with my children saying positive things to them.

Now, that doesn't mean I don't correct them.

That doesn't mean I don't discipline them.

But you can you can discipline a child in a positive way.

And be honest, we can be very.

And yeah, we can be honest and frank.

We don't tear them down.

Exactly right.

And that's the key because we never say mean and hurtful things to them.

When we do discipline them or say honest things to them, they know it comes from a place of love, not because we think I'll of them, right?

So our son came in this morning after, you know, we all worked out together and we were sweaty and working out and he came in, I was making something, the stove.

And he walked over.

I was like, bro, you stink.

And he's like, I know I I want to go shower.

I know a lot of parents would would never say that.

Like I was so rude.

How could you tell your son that he stinks?

I would never say that because I want to be a nice parent and I don't want to.

That's not what we're talking.

About damage my kid and like no, but because we have a phenomenal relationship, because I never tear him down, because I never bully him or I'm not sarcastic or rude, I'd be like.

Yeah, you can be straightforward, right?

So bad.

Go take a shower.

And there's no offense taken.

There's no, it's not awkward.

There's no nothing.

It's like, Yep, I'm in the shower.

Yeah.

And and we can have that beautiful honesty because you're not mean in other ways, like in sarcasm.

Yeah.

So I that's a.

Fair emphasize that.

That's a very helpful clarification because it could be, it's difficult for someone to grasp exactly what we're talking about because they could think like, oh, you're always not.

It's like the gentle parenting of like, oh, is it OK if I do this?

No, we're not talking about that.

What we're talking about is not in from a place of, of, and a lot of this stems from our own issues as parents that came from being children, right?

From a place of hurt or like I, I see this with a lot of parents.

It's almost like they have this competition with their child of like, I'm better than you type thing.

And so from that place, yeah, they will say hurtful or mean things to their children, especially if they make mistakes, especially if they mess up, you know, especially, you know, because it could it be easy in a situation like that to instead of say, oh, you stink of like you're such a slob.

Like what's wrong with you?

You know, to have this very hurtful mean approach to it, like.

Disgusting.

Yeah, you're so disgusting, your brain.

Why would you walk in this kitchen smelling like?

That exactly.

Right.

You could make it so harmful.

Yeah, instead of hey, you stink.

Because you just worked out.

So go shower, you know?

Yeah.

So not we don't want to be misunderstood that you take this role of softness and.

Never be honest because you're yeah, you.

Might hurt, right?

You don't want to hurt their fragile ego because you know they there is this place where they need, they need honesty.

They need to face reality so that they can grow and develop.

But the most but The thing is, I think most important is they're going to get plenty of that in the world.

What they need most from their parents is love and support.

Because then they get the solid foundation.

Exactly.

And they're strong.

Yeah.

So then then when and.

And.

And this is the argument that critics will say is like, you know, you got to toughen up our kids because the world's going to be hard.

Well, yeah, Let the world do its thing.

That's.

Let the world be hard you need.

To be loving and strong, you need to help them become so strong that when they do go out and they do bump up against mean, cruel, ridiculous, hurt people who are out hurting people, they're like, yeah, didn't really get to me because I'm solid, right?

I'm good and I think especially because of all of the research from Erica Komizer and others, of course, that, you know, the child's foundation, the child security in life and in adulthood comes from their attachment with their parents.

This definitely plays into that whole scenario, like we need to be attaching with our children.

They need to be firmly attached to us, not the other way around.

When we push them away or say mean or rude things to them, it actually has the opposite effect of what we want.

They need to be securely attached to us so that they're strong and and prepared to face the world.

OK, that's a good little intro.

Is is being harsh on the list?

Let's look read the list.

This is good because now things are coming up that I don't normally think about OK, because I know, you know, I work with all kinds of parents and and dads have this tendency to be really harsh to, you know, the dad lecture and.

Of course, the yelling.

Yelling.

OK.

And it has to be.

I guess harsh is the right word for me.

Dads tend to be harsh because they think if I don't come down hard on them then this kids going to always be a liar or a thief for a smart aleck or whatever.

I'm going to be harsh.

That harshness actually damages them, and it creates the opposite result.

It can actually cause or contribute to them doing more of the thing you don't want them.

To do or or some variation go down the road because we're just wrecking their identity and their attachment to us.

Yeah.

So what made me think of it is this harsh?

The harshness creates distance and frigidity.

Which causes attachment instead of.

Attachment.

So then our kids have attachment issues because we're so harsh.

And then we make them afraid of us.

We make them afraid to tell the truth.

We make them not like us.

And so we create all this distance when in reality, we're hoping that they'll stay close to us.

They'll come to us for advice, that they'll listen to our counsel.

We're actually producing the very thing the the very thing we don't want, right?

Well, that's because going back to the attachment thing, almost all misbehavior, almost all issues, almost all stress, anxiety, depression.

And this is seems like such a bold statement, but Erica Kamizer has done tons of research on this along with other people, not just her.

All of those issues come from essentially attachment disorders.

All of us and all of our children have at some, in some level, some sort of attachment disorder.

That's what causes our issues, right?

And it stems from a lack of attachment to parents.

So when our children do something and they misbehave, whether that's lying or acting out or violence or fighting or you know, fill in the fill in the blank, it stems from an attachment disorder.

Something is wrong where they don't feel fully attached to their parents, the most important people in their life.

And as a result, they act out.

So when we then do something being harsh, yelling, I'm out pushing all of those things are pushing them away more.

And then that exacerbates the problem because that was the reason they were doing it in the first place.

So then if we do the opposite, which I guess let's add this to the list, this is one of the things we never do.

We never.

Well, I'm going to say we rarely yell because I do believe there is a time for appropriate yelling, controlled yelling, intentional yelling.

There's a place for that.

It's.

Probably more you than me.

Right, that is probably, but I've seen it occasionally from you over 2 decades, right when necessary.

So that's why it's a rarely we rare, I'll say rarely because we used to do it, but now we don't.

I would say now we never do it.

Timeouts, they don't work.

There's there's not a point to that because you're you're dis attaching your children.

I need a better word, but whatever dis attaching, right, you're distancing them, you're pushing them away, right.

It doesn't work because what they need is more attachment with you.

I don't there was a third, but I can't believe it.

But essentially what we do is the opposite, with if and when our children misbehave, we actually go to them and attach more.

We respond with hugs, we respond with love, we respond with cuddling because that builds the attachment.

And when the attachment is strong, they don't have a reason to misbehave.

The criticism of that I always hear is like, well, they, they don't deserve.

I'm not going to reward them.

I'm not.

Rewarding them for that behavior.

That's actually the exact opposite of the truth.

I go back to what I was saying earlier.

I was like question your methods, be willing to think differently about this, be willing to get a different result by having a different method.

Lean in with love right, because we we we just are constantly thinking they need to be punished.

They need they need a consequence and that consequences I'm withdrawing my love from them.

Yes, and that creates a bigger problem.

Again, like we said earlier, repeated thousands of times over 20 years, you're going to create a massive attachment and love and identity issue that's going to wreak havoc on your children.

Exactly.

And I remember, I do vividly remember that sort of thinking when I was a young mom.

But I now I recognize it as a sort of, in some weird way, it was some sort of competition or some sort of like, you should behave this way.

And if you don't, it was conditional love in a lot of ways.

Like if you don't behave this way, then you don't deserve my love.

I'm withholding my love until you behave the way I want you to, and that really is just a form of manipulation.

It's so screwed.

Up it is it's very screwed up so if we have that thinking or that approach in our parenting, we are just creating our own problems and we're creating issues in our children.

OK, let's actually get to the list.

What's on the list?

And now these are might seem a little silly at first here one of the things we never rarely do sit on phones and play games.

For me, that's actually a rarely.

For me it's a never.

Yeah, for you it's a never.

We will get on planes often and the first thing we see most adults on the plane do is pull out their phone and play a game.

That's something we never do the.

Exact same, yeah.

And the reason why we never do that, and the reason this ties into parenting is because we have trained ourselves and we've trained our children to spend most of your time in some sort of productive activity.

So generally what we do do is listen to an audio book.

We might even, you know, especially on a plane, watch a movie that's very intentionally picked or, or we talk or we take a nap or we like we're going to do something intentional and purposeful.

If we're getting on a phone just to play a game because we literally have nothing else to do.

Well, then you don't have enough goals in your life if you have nothing else to do.

Like I, I like times on a plane when I can sit and work on some of the other things that I haven't gotten to because I have so many things I want to do and so many goals I'm trying to achieve.

Now I do say rarely because yeah, there is, there have been a few places when I've sat like we were flying from Beijing to Dubai or Qatar.

We were flying from Beijing to Qatar and we got on the plane and we sat on the plane at the gate for 9 hours and then we had a nine hour flight.

I think I did play some mahjong on my phone during that time because I was like, this is really long and so there are some cases when I do that, but it's rare.

Never play video games.

That's never on all of us.

Never.

Now we did have a period of time when our older children were younger when we allowed them to play Minecraft.

When Rachel allowed.

Them when I allowed them to play Minecraft because I was, this was the time when I wasn't sure.

I was like, well, I don't know, maybe it's not a big deal.

Maybe it's not that bad.

I am now of the opinion that yeah, it is a big deal and it can be usually that bad.

And beyond just our opinion, the research is backing it up that these the games are so destructive.

Yes, just just all a straight up this is research.

That's not my opinion.

Straight up research.

Your boys play video games and if you men play video games, you will be less successful.

Period.

Yes, and less fulfilled and happy.

One of the books that talks about that is the one by.

Jonathan Haidt.

Well, that one for sure.

Jonathan Haidt, the what's the name of the anxious generation?

And there's another one by the guy.

We did a whole series about it.

The boy crisis.

Boy crisis.

That's not the name of the book anyways, boys adrift, boys adrift.

Thank you.

The book is Boys Adrift by I can't remember who, but there's.

Another one called Glow Kids.

It's a great.

Yes, another one, but that's another great book.

So that is one thing we don't do and from our own experimentation with our own children, it just never worked out well.

As long as video games are an option in the family, like our kids did not function as well as they did without them.

So we eventually just eliminate it because it just was so much better.

And they now in their 20s, their biggest regret is that we didn't do it sooner.

That's what I hear from my 20 year old.

You should have got rid of the game sooner because my life was so much better after they were gone.

And they don't play games now in their nineteens and 20s and.

I'll just, I'll be, I'll be very frank and blunt here.

I have never met a boy, a teen, a young man, or a man who's a gamer who has it all together, who's just absolutely solid and admirable like that.

I've yet to meet a gamer that I'm like, wow.

I just have so much respect for that guy because there's inevitably usually several things that are just off and not dialed in and it's just like you're wasting away potential.

Yeah, well, the, and the research behind that really quick is just that instead of that mental energy and effort being put into pursuing your dreams or pursuing a girl or pursuing, you know, purpose, it's waste essentially wasted in a virtual world.

And so instead of engaging in the real world, they're simply disengaging.

Through a virtual world, you achieve nothing, but you think you do.

So you're tricking your brain.

You get to the next level and you conquer that guy and you beat this enemy and you go out and you, you get all these rewards and all this stuff, blah, blah, blah.

And you're tricking your mind.

Your mind's like, yes, yes, achievement, achievement.

This is amazing.

I'm crushing.

Dopamine hit.

And the only thing you've done is sit there right?

For hours?

Yeah.

Doing nothing.

So you've actually accomplished nothing.

True.

OK, next.

No radio.

We don't do the reading.

I'm actually a rarely on this because when we travel to other countries, I actually intentionally turn on the radio because it's for me, it's a cultural immersion experience.

So when we were in Turkey I would listen to the radio and when we were in Morocco I listened to the radio.

But otherwise.

Which is even different because you don't understand Arabic.

Yeah, I don't.

Turkish.

And so it's just like, oh, it's interesting.

And it's like.

And the music and the.

Music Exposure.

But I'll even listen here in Portugal because it's language immersion of course, and I'm trailer.

The reason we don't do radio is because when somebody opens their mouth on the radio, it's rarely worth you kidding.

And, and we got this from Brian Tracy.

He's like, stop.

He's like people who watch TV and listen to the radio are going nowhere.

Like they have no future, like there's just what a waste.

He's like turn your automobile into a university.

Just constantly be learning and listen to people who have something to say.

It's worth hearing, and on the radio I I can't remember time I've ever heard anything that was actually worth hearing.

Or the other thing, I mean, of course is the downside with our technology today, like you don't get to choose what song gets to play.

But my kids still, they don't get that.

They just they're like, wait, they're like, skip this one.

I'm like, I can't, it's the radio.

You can't skip on the radio.

They just don't understand that, you know.

But along with that, no TV now I don't, I really don't know, except for, you know, like my aunt and uncle who are on their 70s, they watch TV like old TV like used to.

I don't know if anyone else does that anymore, not I don't even know.

Yes, the TV's on on average in the American home, six to seven.

Hours a day, just regular TV, not like TV.

First thing in the morning, they click it on.

It's news, it's commercials, it's shows.

Yeah, it's just I thought.

That was like an old.

Thing no, there's hundreds and hundreds, if not thousands of channels.

Now it's just this unending stream of visual trash.

OK, well that's another waste.

We do no TV.

Like none.

Not even a little bit.

Not even.

When we got married.

Except rarely in a hotel in a foreign country because my kids will be like, oh, and we put on the cartoons in Spanish or Arabic or whatever like that's allowed.

So that's when we do a TV.

No notifications.

This is.

I guess this is rare for me.

I have very few notifications, specifically ones I have intentionally turned on.

But yeah, otherwise no notifications.

That that shocks me too, that people don't realize this basic life hack.

You download an app and the very first thing they ask is allow notifications and everyone hits allow.

So then they have like, I don't even know how many notifications coming through.

Like, I'm very intentional about mine, and I still get too many, but I allow them.

Yeah.

So that is one of our life hacks that we teach our children as well.

Turn off your notifications.

Do not have notifications from YouTube and from the news and from this and from that and from everything.

Like, that's just stupid.

Turn it off it.

It just made me wonder about something.

Most of us have been conditioned to say yes even when we want to say no.

And I think that's one of those things.

It's like you don't still say like, hey, you want notifications and, and the automatic response is yes, even though there's no person there.

No one's going to be disappointed.

It's a sense of.

Or you're afraid you're missing out on something, so it's.

FOMO or it's people pleasing and we have created a Society of people pleasers.

It's a very real problem.

We say yes to things all the time when we want to say no and we have no intention of actually falling through, but we say yes and I think sometimes notifications like we say yes to that too and we just keep saying yes to everything.

And so on the list, one of the things we rarely do is say yes is say yes.

Most of the time it's going to be a no.

We had to deliberately separate ourselves out and stop being people pleasers.

So I guess it's it's either a never or very rarely when we are people Blazers.

Yeah.

And I would say it's a rarely or never saying yes to what we call tribal events, you know, when people are having this activity or that meeting or this party or this, but we rarely say yes to any of those because we are focused on our family and our family culture and building our business and living our legacy and creating our extraordinary family life.

Like that's our focus.

And when you're focused on that, you don't have time for all of these tribal events.

And yet I constantly, I'm working with people who are sacrificing their health and their marriage and kids and their family culture and their businesses and their lifestyle by saying yes to all these other invitations.

Exactly.

Just tell them no.

Well, I don't want to hurt their feelings.

And I like them and it's nice and I like them and it's like.

A good person or participating in my church or fulfilling my responsibilities.

Are you going to sacrifice?

Are you willing to sacrifice the quality of your marriage for that?

Well, no.

Are you willing to sacrifice one of your kids for that?

No.

Well, that's what you're doing, right?

You're sacrificing your life and the quality of your life to say yes to other people, right?

Just say no.

Right.

And so so as part of our life and our family culture, when we say no to those things, we are saying yes to our family, which has made all the difference.

That's why we have what we want to have.

OK, real quick, a list, No caffeine, no soda, no white sugar, no fast food, no processed food.

That's processed food in our definition is anything at the store that has a list of ingredients on it, that's processed food.

No cereal.

It's of course included.

No juice, no candy.

Yeah, that's pretty much.

That's a good list.

Never for pretty much all of those, although occasionally, very rarely on, say, like juice on holidays like Thanksgiving, we'll drink.

Juice.

Everyone gets a tiny glass of maybe some grape juice or something.

Or some sparkling apple juice.

OK.

And of course, I mean, we've done lots of podcasts about this.

The, the major reason for this, at least with as far as parenting goes, is every single one of those things has an effect on you and on your children.

And many of your problems, yeah, many of your problems may very well stem to some of these things on the list causing behavioral problems in you or your children.

Low energy, for one thing, like all these things are going to mess with your energy levels and you as a parent having low energy, you're going to be less effective, patient, loving, kind, intuitive if you do not have the energy you need to be able to do those things.

Your reactiveness to your child and your child's I'll behaviors could very easily be eliminated just by.

A blood sugar crash that came from drinking juice or eating cereal for breakfast, right?

So we just say no to those things.

And in fact, we're saying no to more and more carbs all the time.

It's this week.

OK wait, this is a thing we never or rarely do.

Triple back tucks and jumping off tall buildings.

Somebody must have got my phone and add that to the list.

That must have been Kimball.

OK, that's we never do those.

That's true.

Either of those, although you have jumped off a bridge with a parachute.

BASE jumping in Idaho.

That was amazing.

And jumped off a gigantic bridge without.

A Oh, OK, now here's here's this list.

Mock each other.

We never mock each other.

We never insult each other.

I would say these are never, never mock.

We never insult.

We never say negative things to or about our children.

Or to about each other.

Or about each other.

Never.

Oh man.

Now again.

Never don't.

I am never, ever going to insult Rachel.

I'm never going to insult my kids.

Ever.

Those words have never left my mouth, and they will not.

Yes.

Now again, this needs to be separated from yes.

I will give Greg feedback and he will give me feedback.

We will give each other, and I hate this word, these words, but constructive criticism, we will give that.

But it's done appropriately.

It's done with love.

It's often done when asked.

Sometimes we're not asked.

But it's done with honesty.

It's done with honesty.

And we can, we can do that because we never insult, right?

Never mock, never tear each other down.

It's never done with the intent to hurt the other person, but to actually sincerely help them because we love them.

Yeah, I think that's an important distinction because I'm, I'm working with several couples.

In fact, I got 3 new coaching.

I'm coaching 3 new couples starting, you know, last week and the week before.

And what often comes up is, well, one or the other.

Either, either there's a lot of mockery, there's some insulting when they're angry, and there's a lot, I mean, it's pretty rough.

They're pretty mean to each other or at the far other side of like, I never say anything mean, ever.

And what that usually interprets into, or at least morphs into is I never actually say the truth either.

Yeah.

And I never have those hard conversations because I never want to say anything mean.

And So what that has led to is like, I never want to be honest and frank and say, hey, you got to stop that.

That's unacceptable.

Yeah, which is also just was damaging to the relationship as the other side.

So we could add then to our never list of of just hold on to grudges and bitterness and yeah, and Stew and and resentment, right.

Never.

I'm never gonna sit here with resentment towards you.

Well.

I'm and I for, for me, I never hide my feelings.

I never try to fake them or pretend.

Like I, and I like to use this phrase with you and with our coaching, like I'm emotionally authentic.

If I feel something, I'm going to let you know and not pretend, right?

And that's not always fun or, I don't know, like it's not always what you want.

Yeah, it's not always attractive, right?

But if I feel a feeling, I'm going to tell you what it is and we're going to work through it.

And that's what we do.

And I tell you and I work.

Through is by not being an emotional basket case.

And not being manipulative because the other, the extreme of that is then I intentionally do those things to get a certain or desired result from you and then it's fake.

And then of course, you're going to be resentful, right?

Because if I do something and I cry or whatever, so that you produce the outcome I want.

Just total manipulation.

Yeah, that's manipulation and then that's a problem.

So that's part of that emotional authenticity is like, I'm going to do it when it's real and I'm not going to do it when it's not real.

So it.

Requires emotional maturity to be able to be emotionally authentic.

Otherwise you're just going to be a basket case and no one's going to like you or want to be around you.

Yeah, exactly.

OK, We never stay angry, but yeah, we do get angry but and including our kids, they'll get angry, but we don't stay angry.

It is still pretty rare we get angry when it's appropriate to get angry about things we should get angry about.

You know, sometimes we get angry when our dog kills our chickens.

Swear this is a never for you and a rare for me because I I've been known to swear if there's one person in the family that swears it's me.

And, and again, this is one that's easily criticized.

Like it's not that big of a deal.

It's not a big deal.

And and on one-on-one side of the the coin, I could be like, yeah, it's not that big of a deal.

On the other side, it's it's a mark of refinement and it's a mark of education and class character.

And it says something about you.

Obviously it could not say anything because there's a lot of people that never swear for whatever reason.

And it's like, yeah, whatever.

You're still full of crap and you're still about the case.

You still say mean things, you still act like an imbecile and your immaturity is embarrassing, but you never swear.

Oh, wow, that's so special.

But in this case, it's like, no, we're, we're genuinely trying to use better vocabulary.

We're trying to be refined and classy and not allow our emotions to jump to.

And sometimes swearing is like the shock and awe thing.

Swear on purpose to get shock and awe.

Like, well, why don't you use an intelligent argument?

Why don't you say things that are inspiring?

Yeah, Instead of shock and awe, like, are you trying to be the news or are you trying to like be a real thoughtful philosopher?

Yeah.

And anyways, there's there's, there's several reasons behind that, but I believe it's significant.

Yeah, And I agree.

And this also does not mean that we're like, I don't know if prudish is the right word, but the same idea, you know, it's not like we're sheltered and, oh, swearing, you know, because we will watch movies that have swearing and we will listen to music that has swearing.

The point is we don't swear.

And our children have also picked up on that.

You know, they, they don't swear.

And they've told us whenever they've said a swear word, whether on accident or not, they're like, Oh, yeah, I said a swear word one time, you know?

So it's become a part of also their way of being even as they've grown up, where they just avoid swearing even though, you know, because our 19 year old, he doesn't swear, but he'll listen to some explicit music because he recognizes that there's a difference there.

There's a difference between listening to someone else swearing because that's just how the world is and you can't completely isolate yourself from it, and swearing yourself.

That could be a cop out too of like, well, that's just what it is.

We consume it and, and I, I know people listening, you're like, well, that's kind of hypocritical or that's backwards.

Like I'm not going to listen to that, that kind of language.

And again, I, I understand that.

I understand.

I used to be in that camp.

Like if it has any bad language, I'm not going to hear it.

I think there are absolutely excellent movies that could even be termed life changing.

They're very impactful and generally because of the setting, maybe a war movie or something, it's actually quite realistic.

And if you spend any time around soldiers, that language is rough and, and not sometimes fitting for the scene or the, the circumstances.

And so we will, we'll watch that even with our teens, our older teens and and.

We yeah, it's not.

Something the language.

We don't appreciate the language, but we've, and we're just sharing these guys just just to be open and authentic.

And I'm not even, I'm not even sharing this as, as, Hey, you could do this.

It's just I want to share kind of our ideology behind this.

You can observe what's happening and and see other people's lives and see what's going on and and be an observer without being an absorber.

Right.

Yeah.

So you can see it and that, you know, it's like, I don't, I see it and I'll, I'll never going to speak like that.

And all of our kids, they, they observe it, they hear it, but they're never going to speak like that.

And they're going to think like that because our influence is the overpowering force and the influence for good from all the good sources.

And the vast majority, like the percentages, the ratios of good input to occasional kind of rough around the edges, unrefined input.

It's the ratios are massively different and the context is important.

Well, and I think that, and we actually did an episode about this, I thought, I think it was called like exposing your kids to the dark side.

You know, we're intentional about this approach and exposing our children and ourselves to movies, specifically movies, but some music where people are living a lifestyle opposite than what we believe in.

And that's intentional.

We want, we don't want our children to be naive.

We don't want ourselves to be naive because naivete is not a strength.

It's dangerous.

It is actually very dangerous.

And so when you are aware of what is out in the world, and I think a movie is a great way to expose yourself and your children to that.

It's.

One of the best ways.

Right, because it's safe.

It's completely safe, like you know, you can watch someone else's horrible life and learn from it and never have to actually experience it yourself or be around those people to do that, right?

So that's why we do it.

Now, of course, this being said, we're not, we're not, we're doing this at an age appropriate level.

We're not having our 8 and 11 year old girls watch violent, horrible movies with swearing.

He'll opt in when he and that's how we've kind of had it with all Rachel and like when they feel like they want to or are ready to watch this stuff, then we let them join.

Otherwise he doesn't.

He watches his own thing because it's it's by choice.

It's not something we're forcing them to do.

He's.

Choosing to preserve his innocence, the innocence of childhood, because he knows and and he's like, I'm, I'm not there.

And it's perfect.

Even at 14, it's like, yeah, it's not, it's not ready.

I usually see it.

The maturation level, again having worked with teens for decades, usually starts around 161617 where something there's there's just a level of brain developments like OK, I'm ready to face some.

Some of the darkness.

Some of the darkness and I can process, I can handle it.

And I think that's an excellent example of like, well, let's, let's not be naive.

Let's watch a movie of what life is really like.

And you guys, I grew up in, I was on the streets as a teen and I've been to some of the darkest hell holes on the planet.

I've seen them up close, real life.

I've, I've lived in there and it's horrible.

And so when I see something and I think I, you know, I want my kids to watch this because that's realistic.

The way they depicted that is real.

And I want my kids to see it.

So you don't have to live it.

But I don't see it and say, look at that, that's realistic.

That's what it's like.

Yeah.

That's important for for all of us to know that, because otherwise we become so blinded and so clueless, genuinely naive, that those things even exist because most of us live such great lives.

Right.

And we refuse to even watch movies that have that content.

And I know for in my own journey, like especially as a young mom, I would be afraid and almost traumatized by watching certain movies that had it either had violence or it had a theme that was, you know, there's one called impossible the impossible.

It was based on a true story of a family who was in Thailand and they were lived through the tsunami.

Like it was terrifying.

And I cried and I because I could see our own family going through this and it was just so horrifying to me.

But I realized that.

That was.

It's actually a good experience for you.

So for these moms who are afraid to watch things or expose themselves to things that bring up all these emotions for them, like that's the best way to do it.

You need to do that.

You need to develop yourself to be able to face those scenarios better in a movie than through real life so that you grow in mental strength and emotional resilience and all of these things.

Like that's one of the best ways to do it and that's why we do it.

And that's how we use movies intentionally in our family.

Now, something we, I would say never do is we never watch any of those movies that are just pure.

They have all of the filth and all of the swearing and it's just pure entertainment, fluff, pointlessness.

Like we don't watch those.

There's no story, there's no point.

There's no hero's journey.

Garbage.

Yeah.

And you know, there's been a few times where we've started something like that and we're like, no, this is pointless and stupid.

And so we just turn it off because it's not the same thing.

Well, and, and I'll just make some points like anything that's celebrating wickedness or evil or, or just, I mean, I'm using those words intentionally, but because there are truly evil things out there.

But if it's celebrating the bad, if it's celebrating the wrong, then yeah, shut that crap down.

It's horrible, but if it's brought up is like, hey, this is real.

There is real true darkness in the world, and then there's a hero fighting against it.

Like what a great, what a great message for all of us.

Well, so that goes with one of these on here that says we never watch horror movies.

And that I have also, I've heard people, including Jordan Peterson talk about how there can, like we've been saying, a psychological benefit to watching a horror movie because you're exposing yourself to your worst fears and then learning how to deal with that.

I get that.

That makes sense to me in a way.

That's what I was just describing.

Like when I allow myself to watch a movie that's to me, that's a real horror film.

Like you watch a movie about your child dying or your spouse dying.

Like that to me is real life horror, right?

So I'm using that same principle to build my emotional strength.

I just don't feel like I have to do that through some fake made-up.

Some made-up thing where people.

Really disturbing.

Calling out of a cemetery and yeah.

Yeah, I just don't.

I just can't.

So, and you know, I don't know, maybe we're wrong there, but that's my take.

We just don't watch horror.

Movies, period.

Hard stop on that one.

Yeah, OK.

Last thing is our voices in anger or yell, which I kind of touched on before.

You know we will yell occasionally early if it seems appropriate to get attention.

In anger, but we yell for excitement and joy.

Fun all the time.

Our voices are up.

We are a loud family.

Yeah.

OK, So I would say this is a never.

We're a loud family and our children will be loud, but it's never or very rarely in anger.

It's often an excitement or to get attention because everyone else is talking and you can't hear me.

Yeah, but seven children, that's nine of us.

And it it's.

And we?

Extremely, extremely rare when anyone gets loud with anger.

And we have a bad habit, I will admit, of all talking at the same time.

So often, especially the youngest has to be loud and yell just to be heard.

But it's not like out of anger.

It's just like I'm here too, and I'm talking she's.

So cute all.

Right.

And so, yeah, I mean, yeah, we are loud and.

Love it.

There's a there's a list.

It's not comprehensive, but hopefully it's helpful and the.

And if you have questions, if you're like, well, what about this?

Do you ever do that?

Do you ever do that?

We would love to hear those because we can't think of everything.

And I guess the the invitation here is like this, this stuff just has worked.

It works for us.

It has massively worked for us.

We have such an amazing family dynamic and so much love and joy and the feeling in our home and our family is phenomenal.

We all love it.

It's it's just a great way to do life.

So hopefully this list at least sparks some things for you, things to consider and maybe some things to adopt here and say, you know what?

Yeah, let's let's give that a try.

Test it out.

If you're uncertain, try it.

Well, I want to add one more that I just thought of because I think that this is also very important and very key, and that is that we never allow problems to grow into bigger problems.

Like we focus on fixing the problems when they are baby Dragons rather than when they become big nasty monsters.

So, and, and that's in some ways the whole point of this list.

These are addressing baby Dragons.

If we can focus on these things and we're, we're killing these problems where they're small, they don't grow into massive behavioral issues.

Or why can't I think of the word detachment, attachment disorders or divorce or like all all major problems that families face start as very minor problems.

There's no exception there.

So if you can learn to address the minor problems, which are things like no sarcasm, one we didn't even put on the list.

No hitting like that is never been allowed.

There is no hitting now.

Actually there is hitting.

Playful hitting, teasing hit like wrestling type hitting that goes on depending.

On how to be the kid.

Like some full on punching but it's always in.

Fun, but it's always in fun.

There is.

No hitting in our family out of anger.

Yeah, We have never allowed our children to hit out of anger or frustration.

Like that's just not allowed at all.

And so that right there solves so many other problems because we don't have these fights going on.

We don't have these this ugly sibling rivalry because hitting's not allowed, yelling in anger is not allowed, and insult, our name calling is not allowed.

But what we do do, because again, we're not teaching our children that don't address problems and pretend everything's OK.

That's not what we're doing either.

We're giving them tools to appropriately deal with those issues that are real.

It's.

Important to to point out that none of this is masked.

There's no masks, there's no facades, there's no pretense.

Like everyone, if at least pretending to not be upset.

It's like, no, we're all genuine, open, authentic.

We've just created an environment where it's, it's actually really easy to just enjoy life, be happy and be in love with each other.

It's amazing.

This is Rachel and I live for this, you guys, we live for this so that you can have that too.

And we're, you know, we're not superhero, we just are very strategic.

And so we're not.

So that and proving that others can do it too.

And then we help our coaching clients do it and the people who buy our courses, this is what our courses do.

And they teach you how to do it so that you can have like you can have the family life that you just absolutely love waking up to.

And then other people come over like I, I just, I love coming over to your house.

I love being around you guys.

And how did you do this?

I, I want what you have.

That's what we're teaching you how to do.

And what's so important and amazing about this is you can get it a lot quicker and easier than you might think just by having the tools and strategies.

And that's why we create our courses.

That's why we do our coaching, because we're taking all these things that we enjoy so much.

And then we get to hear from all you wonderful people.

It's like, I'm struggling with this and this is so painful and this is so hard and it's so frustrating.

Well, yeah, try this.

Do this.

Here's the tool.

We're compiling all of that to help you get it quicker and easier than you think.

You can create massive transformations.

And, and right now in my mind, I'm thinking through all these families we've already helped.

They they created like monumental shifts in their family dynamic and culture like change the feeling like that.

Well, like you mentioned before with the ones that came to visit and they got rid of the insulting and the hitting and that makes a huge, like that's one thing.

That's one example of one thing you can do that then does make a huge shift because now that's a source of so many other problems.

And once that's gone, it's like, wow, OK, now we've just eliminated all of these issues that we have and.

We brought it up, you know, frankly, we're like, hey, you got to stop doing that if you want your family and dynamics.

And they're like, oh, and what was really cool is like they didn't even notice it.

It'd become so habitual.

They were, it was kind of operating subconscious.

And I was like, hey, you guys do that a lot.

Like we do like, yeah, parents do it, kids do it, even the little ones do it.

Like that's got to stop doing that.

Like, you're right.

And and of course, the next thing is, well, how and you know, every family does this.

We did too.

And you're like, we'll just, we'll just talk about it.

We'll just tell everyone, hey, stop doing that.

And I wish that would work, but it doesn't work.

It's like, hey, everyone's stop doing this.

And and then it goes away for good.

That's not how it works.

There's tactics, there's tools, there's strategies, there's leverage to put these in place.

And that's what we do, right?

And so through the coaching and the program, if we gave them the levers and bam, it's so fun to get an update a week later, two weeks later, like we are living like a completely different family.

Like it's, it's unrecognizable from what it was.

And that is just brings me one of the greatest choice beyond living it ourselves is seeing other families created for their families too.

It's amazing.

OK, love you guys.

Thanks for listening.

Have an absolutely fantastic day and rest of the week.

And as always, reach upward.