Nov. 5, 2025

How to Stop Toddler Tantrums with Attachment (Without Burnout)

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When you stop pretending to be calm and start practicing attachment parenting for toddlers, everything changes. This episode shows how to model genuine joy and emotional regulation your children can feel—no more faking it. Through biochemistry resets (water, breath, movement, sunlight) and trigger-processing tools, you’ll build authentic calm from the inside out. The result? Toddlers who feel secure, connected, and cooperative—because you’ve shown them how.

Are your toddler’s meltdowns leaving you “touched out” and wondering how to stay calm? What if the fastest way to end tantrums is more connection—not more limits?

In this video, we break down attachment parenting for toddlers—the practical, science-aligned way to reduce tantrums, boost cooperation, and rebuild calm (in you and your child). You’ll learn why kids imitate your emotions but can’t yet regulate them, how to be the adult in the room, and the exact strategies we used to go 16+ years without tantrums in our home.

We’ll show you how to increase your capacity (food, sleep, recovery) so you’re not running on empty, plus simple co-regulation tools like cuddle-pauses, couch resets, and family calm breaks. Attachment isn’t coddling—it's how kids become secure and independent. When their emotional bucket is full, clinginess drops and behavior improves. Parenting isn’t convenient—but it can be effective.

Key Takeaways

✅ Attachment first makes every other parenting strategy work better

✅ Capacity over boundaries: build yourself up so you can show up

✅ Food & sleep are fuel for patience, presence, and self-control

✅ Fill the bucket daily: secure kids act better and rebel less

✅ Pause > push through: a 2-minute cuddle beats a 20-minute battle

Memorable Quotes

🗣 “We are the ones who have to be the adults.”

🗣 “I don’t want it to be easy—I want it to be effective.”

🗣 “Kids imitate without regulation—you must co-regulate.”

🗣 “Parenting is never convenient—but it is transformational.”

🗣 “Toddlers with full buckets don’t have tantrums.”

Chapters

00:00 Welcome & the “be the adult” principle

02:04 Imitation without regulation (why kids escalate)

06:15 Attachment disorders → behavior problems (and hope)

10:22 Zero–Three: the critical window (and what if you missed it)

13:40 Touched-out? Capacity, not limits

17:18 Food & sleep: the fastest patience upgrade

21:05 “Fill the bucket” method (quality + quantity time)

26:30 Co-regulation: couch cuddle resets & calm breaks

31:12 Rebuilding attachment with older kids

RESOURCES:

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0:00

We are the ones that have to be the adults.

I don't want it to be easy, I want it to be effective.

They do not have a part of their brain that allows them to self regulate.

The very first thing we can all do to increase our capacity is to eat better food.

0:16

You can't draw from an empty well.

Parenting is never convenient.

They grow up, they move out fast.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Extraordinary Family Life Podcast where your host Greg and Rachel Denning, super excited to answer some more questions.

I received a text from a woman in my group, a mother, so she asked me this question.

0:36

She said my daughter's about to be 3 1/2.

Up until now, parenting felt pretty easy.

I really need to level up now to be able to keep my calm when she's really upset.

She and her 23 month old sister often both want to be in my lap or my arms at the same time.

0:55

I'm setting limits because I'm trying to avoid feeling touched out.

Now that's important.

We're going to touch on later.

I'm eager for your parenting course.

I'm feeling both inspired and depressed about the fact that you have had no childhood tantrums for 16 plus years, which is true.

1:16

We have not.

OK, so I responded to her saying thank you so much for sharing this.

This is a tender age.

You're right that this is often when parenting starts to feel more intense, especially now that she has two children.

You're not alone in this, these moments when your daughter is really upset her exactly when she needs your calm the most.

1:34

This is a season when your strength as the adult really matters.

And, and I want to emphasize that for a second because you, this is something you talk about in your coaching with men all the time.

This is something I talk about.

It is our job in this relationship with our children to be the adult.

1:52

OK.

And you might be thinking, well, yeah, obviously, but not every parent behaves like the adult.

And very often, if we're, if we're holding up the mirror here, right, you look at a situation like, hey, it appears that you're acting as childish as your child.

2:09

And it often appears that your child is acting just like you act.

But, and here's the difference, because this is what parents don't understand imitation without regulation.

So our children imitate what we're doing, but they don't have the ability to regulate it like we do.

So we can get upset and we have a regulated upsetness, right?

2:28

Hopefully some, some, many adults don't, right?

And and that's the child is part of.

Them, right And so then our children often imitate that and exaggerate it because they lack the regulation.

They they literally lack that part of their brain that can regulate emotion.

2:47

The thing that creates all of the problems in your parenting life, that creates all the behavioral issues, that creates the mental emotional challenges of your child and in fact created your mental emotional issues because they came from your parents is attachment disorders.

3:04

All of those things can be tied back into attachment disorders, which essentially means a broken emotional attachment between parent and child.

A tantrum thing is one example.

And one of the reasons I say, and I've told people like we haven't had tantrums and I'm, I'm kind of just guessing like 17 years.

3:23

But one of the things that switched that is early on, again, we didn't understand all this fully.

And so with our older children, we had more attachment issues, right?

That we weren't fully bonding with them.

We weren't fully meeting all their needs or responding to every cry or whatever.

3:41

And we had tantrums.

But as I learned this, as I learned how to use attachment with my child, as I learned how to really bond with them, how to really meet their needs, that's when the tantrums went away.

Because when we meet their needs, when their need bucket or whatever, their emotional bank account is full, then you don't have these behavioral issues.

4:03

You don't have tantrums, you don't have acting out.

You don't have the mean behavior.

You don't have the teenage rebellion like it carries over into every.

Into adult into.

Adulthood, right?

Because then that is the foundation of a healthy mental, mentally and emotionally healthy adult because they have a strong attachment with their parent.

4:26

Now.

This is so huge.

I just, I wish I could just somehow get people to understand how significant this is.

It's huge.

It really is that big of a deal.

And so specifically for this person who's asked the question got a three-year old and a 2 year old, well, almost two.

4:44

It's like they both need massive amounts of cuddling and playing and touching and and bond quality time and quantity time.

Like it can't get enough if you.

Look at the work of Erica Komizer, she says.

4:59

She would say, I mean, I feel like it carries on further than this, but she would say if you had to choose, the most critical age for attachment with your child is 0 to 3.

So this mother especially is like right in the midst of that, right?

5:15

So, but we're going to keep going.

And what's happening, I just want to really emphasize this.

Your child is striving to be safe and secure to feel like I can rely on my parents to, to meet my needs and take care of me.

5:34

So that's why they are, are wanting to run to you, wanting to be comforted, wanting to cuddle, wanting to spend time.

They're, they're checking that assurance.

They're, they're building this framework in their life of am I safe?

Can I rely on these people?

5:52

Can I trust them?

Can I know that if things go South, things go wrong, I can rely on them to be there for me?

That's what they're doing.

They're building this framework for them.

As long as we meet those needs, then they're they feel good.

6:09

Yeah.

And I have to shout this from the rooftops.

If a child and and a teen or an adult for this matter, feels safe, it feels whole.

The needs are met.

And feels like they can count on the most important people in their life.

Yes.

6:25

Then the behavioral problems are non existent or go away.

So it makes parenting so easy.

Yes, there are parenting strategies, and we cover that in our parenting course, but the strategies are simple and immediately effective if the child is whole.

6:44

Right and attached.

If there's no attachment, if there's no wholeness, there's no security, there's no safety.

If the need bucket is empty, then the behaviors are going to be exaggerated and there's going to be far more well.

7:03

And besides that, that without that underlying attachment, all of the parenting techniques in the world are going to be less effective.

If you, if you lack the attachment, you could do something that we do that works amazingly and it's not going to work for you because you don't have the correct attachment with your child.

7:22

Right?

OK, so I'm going to keep reading this.

Yeah.

So I was emphasizing that this is the time when you need to be the adult, right?

What you're facing 2 little ones needing your lap, your arms, your presence isn't a problem to fix, right?

7:39

So and that, and that's how often parents view it.

They think my kids need me all the time.

How do I fix this?

How do I stop this from happening?

It's not a problem that needs to be fixed.

It's a sign that you are their safe place and that's natural and normal.

7:57

And that's what we want.

We want them to rely on us.

Their need for closeness is exactly what builds long term mental and emotional health, secure attachment and better behavior now and as they grow.

Yes, it's true.

8:14

It has been over 16 years for us without tantrum.

That doesn't mean we've had quiet, passive kids.

It means we've honored their need for connection so deeply that their inner tanks stay full instead of putting limits on how often they could bond on with us.

8:30

Because that's one of the things she mentioned.

And it, and again, I'm not blaming her because it makes sense.

She's thinking I'm touched out.

I'm overwhelmed.

I need to set limits so that I don't lose my crap, right?

What I'm saying is, and as we'll explain here more, we are the ones that have to be the adults.

8:51

We cannot set the limits on our children of how much they can bond with us because we can't handle it.

We have to be able to handle it.

So we have to.

Yeah, they're the babies.

We have to grow in our capability so we can meet their needs, so that we can build those strong attachments, so we don't set ourselves up for more problems in the future.

9:14

That was one thing I wanted to emphasize is, is our first thought is, oh, I need to set boundaries and limitations so that it doesn't push past my limitations.

That's the first thought.

I want to invite all of you to, to consider a second thought.

So like instead of, you know, instead of protecting my current limitations, why don't I expand them?

9:35

Why don't I increase my capacity?

Yeah.

Like let that, let that sink in, let that helm.

And so instead of protecting my limitations as a person, why don't I increase my capacity?

And I really love that because she responds with that and it's really beautiful.

9:52

Let me get to that.

So OK, instead of putting limits on how often they bond with us, we focus on increasing our capacity to meet their needs physically, emotionally and mentally.

That is the real key.

Of course, feeling touched out is real.

But instead of limiting them like this is like what you're saying, to protect ourselves, we have learned how to recover quickly and build resilience so we could keep showing up as the adult they need us to be.

10:19

For context, Rachel's reading her.

Response to her And that's what the parenting course is all about, building strength and resilience and tools to meet your kids needs without losing yourself in the process.

But then she responded with this which was so amazing.

Thank you so much for this informative response and your encouragement.

10:38

The idea of recovering quickly and increasing capacity makes so much sense to me and it rings true with my gut feeling.

I want to be able to meet their intense needs and I'm having a hard time recovering quickly.

That's really the issue, the not being able to recover.

10:55

There are things that matter so much.

Their attachment to both of us is the absolute most important thing in their life right now, right?

The most important thing?

Because it's so transitory, like it's going to pass and it's going to be gone and it's.

Going to.

Miss your chance?

11:10

The quality of that is going to affect the rest of their lives.

So there's nothing more important.

So we can't cut that out.

So what, what are we left to do?

Well, become more capable, be more strategic about recover.

I know it's worth our while, all of us to kind of set up a different mindset and literally tell yourself that.

11:32

Like, I don't want it to be easy.

I want it to be effective.

I want it to be awesome.

I mean, I I don't want it to be.

Easy.

I want it to be as easy as possible.

I mean, I don't want to make it harder for myself than it should be.

And that's why this is one of the things we're talking about, because if we use attachment, it actually does make it easier because it reduces the tantrums, it reduces the poor behavior.

11:52

It makes your children more secure, less clingy.

We're going to talk about that in a second.

So it actually makes things easier, even though it's still not easy.

That's strategy.

That's optimization.

You're making it easier, but it's not easy.

It's not convenient, but parenting is never convenient.

12:10

Parenting is rarely comfortable, but it's amazing.

From my perspective, it is the best way to do life.

Yeah.

But I'm not sitting there thinking that I just get to do whatever I want whenever I want.

12:27

That's I wouldn't even want that if I were a single person like that.

But that's what gets our heads like, why, you know, a good life is that I get to do whatever I want whenever I want.

It's like, no, that's a ridiculous life.

That's an underdeveloped narcissistic life.

12:43

We want to be leaning into the best life.

And the best life is going to be challenging, right?

Which is exactly what we want.

Hey there, this is Greg Denning.

We want to reach as many people as possible and help as many families as possible with these conversations.

13:00

And we want to keep this podcast ad free forever.

You can help us do that by subscribing on Spotify or Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen your favorite platform and on YouTube and leave a quick review and share your favorite episodes with friends and family.

13:15

It makes a big difference.

Thank you for being a part of this very important movement.

OK, so back to this, meeting your children's mental and emotional needs, AKA holding them when they want to be held is not going to create bad habits.

13:31

Now that is that is something that many parents are afraid of.

Like the culture we live in.

Literally, we think that if we hold our kids, we're going to create bad habits.

They're going to become dependent on us.

But the truth is the opposite.

The more we hold them and cuddle them, especially when they are very small, the more secure, the more independent they will become.

13:55

So I said, you know, it's it will do the opposite.

It will prevent bad habits and poor behavior.

Your kids may feel clingy and needy right now, especially because they feel they're being pushed away by you.

So here she is, feeling touched out, overwhelmed and thinking I've got to set some boundaries because I I can't handle it or whatever the words are.

14:18

But as she sets boundaries to the kids that feels like being pushed away, Oh my goodness, mom is pushing me away.

And here's one of the ironies of parenting.

The more you push your kids away, even in inadvertently ways because I told her, I said you're not doing this intentionally.

14:34

You're not pushing them away intentionally, You're just trying to protect yourself.

They feel it is being pushed away.

And the more you push them away, the clingier and needier they will get and the worst behavior they will have.

It's when children feeling.

The yelling, the tantrums, all that comes from because they they feel these like micro moments of abandonment.

14:53

Exactly, exactly.

That's exactly what it is.

They fill this gap of connection between you and and as I said here, it feels terrifying and they're trying to hang on for dear life.

That's what children are doing.

So when your kids are needy and clingy, that's their way of saying, I feel like our attachment is breaking and it's terrifying because you're all I know in this world.

15:16

And if this rope breaks, I will die.

It literally feels that intense to them.

And it feels like you're you're throwing the rope away that you when I need you most, you're telling me I can't come.

Exactly.

So as as hard as this is to hear for all of us, ladies and gentlemen, we have to be able to do more and handle more.

15:41

We, we have to level up because if our children truly need us and they do, we have to be able to lean in and provide what they need.

In my mind, that's it's non negotiable.

15:58

So when we feel ourselves getting to a point of like, ah, I can't handle this.

It can be OK to take breaks and it's better to build it into your life to do, to take breaks before you need them, right?

If you're, if you're doing your morning routines, your evening routines, you're taking breaks.

16:16

It's built into your life.

You're very proactive and preventative and you're refilling.

Then when your kids come you're like, OK, I'm good.

But if we keep neglecting ourselves, we're eating garbage food.

Remember food is fuel.

16:32

So if I'm eating garbage processed foods, I'm not sleeping well because I got terrible eating habits.

And you're binge watching stupid movies because you're like, I was with the kids all day.

I just need a break.

As you watch movies for 3 or 4 hours right before bed and you don't sleep well.

16:47

And then the kids come in.

What do you blame?

Sabotage.

You blame the kids.

You're like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

It was not the kids.

It was you.

You did that right?

And then you wake up, you run for a coffee or a energy drink and and a donut.

17:05

It's like, there you go again.

Well, especially because sabotaging.

Yourself, we've done a lot of coaching sessions and podcasts about food and that that is something that many people don't realize that their blood sugar spikes and crashes are are very much affecting their relationships.

17:21

It's affecting your interactions.

It's affecting your marriage because they did research that crazy percentage of arguments happen when one person or the other is hangry.

So right there, the arguments with your spouse, the arguments with your children are happening because you're hangry or crashing from sugar spikes.

17:40

So.

So much of this impatience with your kids or this inability to meet their needs literally is because you're eating garbage food, right?

Or you're or you're not eating enough.

Or you're eating lots of carbs and so blood sugar spiking and then you're crashing, where if you eat proteins and fats, you're going to have this steadier energy it maintains.

18:01

So the very first thing we could all do to increase our capacity is to eat better food.

And then we eat less of it, ironically, because we don't need so much.

We don't feel because.

We're more nourished.

Right.

We're more nourished because food is fuel.

18:18

So now I feel like what?

I feel good.

I have.

I have the capacity.

My kids are needy.

I got this.

My kids require massive amounts of energy.

They want me to play with them and get on the ground with them and take them places and do all the things.

I can do it because I'm taking care of myself.

18:33

If if I'm unhealthy, I'm already at a disadvantage for the demands and needs of children.

Exactly.

So it's much in the this context, it's much more difficult for you to quote, UN quote, be the adult because you don't have full capacity at your disposal, right?

18:56

Like you don't have full access to all the resources you could have because you're sabotaging yourself through these habits and behaviors.

Generally operating on like so.

Have power.

Right, so you might be feeling bad right now, you might be feeling overwhelmed.

19:13

You might be sitting and listening and saying, great, one more thing I have to do on a I'm already so swamped and overwhelmed and I have to do all this stuff.

And I want to point out like, we're not, we're not adding more to your plate.

We're we're actually giving you power.

We're giving you wings to soar.

We're we're helping you optimize your life.

19:30

So it's all easier.

Like we were talking about before, it makes it better.

And and people tell me like, why don't have time to eat?

Well, I'm like, it actually takes less time to eat less.

That's a pretty simple equation on that one, and you just make different choices.

19:47

Their childhood as an exploration.

Because of that, we as the adults have to prioritize their childhood.

We have to prioritize investing in their growth and development.

And the only way we can really do that well to get the results that we want is when we make.

20:06

Good choices when we prioritize our choices, when we're intentional about how we spend our time, how we spend our money, how we spend our energy.

And we do it in a way that does all these things that we talked about.

That it makes it easier to be the parent our children need us to be when it makes it easier for us to be the adult they need us to be.

20:29

We have to think about it strategically in that way.

In the beginning, I said, you know, if you get this strategy, this attachment strategy, it makes all the other techniques and hacks of parenting so much easier to use because you have that attachment with your child.

20:46

Every other strategy we give is going to work better if you're attached with your child.

I think the same is true in some ways of of diet and sleep.

That's why we talked about it so much, because when you dial that in, and in fact that's one of the very first things you work on with your coaching clients, because when they dialed that in, now suddenly they have 2/5/10 times more energy than they had everything else.

21:10

And it makes so much easier.

It makes it so much easier to do everything else because they have more energy.

It is the first and fundamental answer to every single problem you have.

Make sure your food and sleep is dialed in because you'll just perform better.

You'll think clearer.

21:25

You'll have more energy, more vitality.

You will be a better person.

We all know this.

Like how?

How patient can you be when you're really tired and hungry, right?

Not very.

Yeah.

Right.

And so get yourself feeling better.

And that right there immediately makes you a better parent and a better spouse.

21:43

So if we tie this into a mother of young children, well, yeah, you might have, like I did a million things you want to do.

You want to clean the house and you want to so a quilt and you want to volunteer and you want to do all of these things.

But I'm saying you have to make choices that prioritize your children's childhood.

22:05

And so when it comes right down to it, I am going to focus on the basics and that's it.

If I can't fit anything else, that's it.

So I'm going to focus on good food.

I'm going to focus on getting sleep when I can, and then I'm going to focus on cuddling with my kids as much as they want and need because those right there are the foundational pieces that will make all the difference.

22:28

And so if during that time, my house is a complete disaster, so be it.

If I don't leave the house for weeks, OK.

You know, like, there's things I'm going to sacrifice that I would otherwise want so that I prioritize this critical face.

22:44

That doesn't add real value to your family.

You have to say no so that you can say yes to your kids because what you're doing and, and I got to drop the hammer here.

Every time you say yes, even with the best of intentions, even if it's a good thing, you say yes to that.

23:00

You're saying no to your kids.

Exactly.

You've got to stop.

In order to properly, truly bond and attach with your children, they need not just quality time, but quantity time.

They need you there to fill in all the spaces and all the gaps as much as possible.

23:17

And we think, well, wow, we have to give up our lives to do that.

Well, maybe.

Yep, for a period of time, yes.

You decided to have sex, which meant you could get pregnant, which meant you decided to give up your life.

You made this bed, now you got to lay in it.

23:33

And, and I know that that can feel overwhelming, but I guess I'm here to tell you that it's fleeting.

They grow up, they move out, and then your opportunity with them to build these really deep, lasting relationships that will last for the rest of your life.

23:54

Like that time's over.

And if you missed it, and if you blew it because you weren't there and you wanted to protect yourself and you wanted space for you and you, you, you, it was about you.

You've literally missed out on some of the most and best relationships you could have in your life.

And if you don't do it well when they're young, as soon as they become teens and young adults, they hate you.

24:13

If your children will not listen to you, if they hate you, if they despise you, that is because they have a disorder, attachment disorder, because they did not properly attach with you when they were young.

And that doesn't mean now you're screwed forever and there's no chance or no hope.

24:31

There is a way to rebuild those attachments?

Yeah, and and we need to cover that because she said here now that my oldest is 3 1/2, it's getting harder for me.

I hear this a lot.

It gets harder and harder.

It gets harder and.

It's interesting, especially if you don't have that attachment.

24:50

A few moms struggle with the baby stage and they do better when the kids are older.

The vast majority of moms you know really enjoy the baby stages and the little and then really struggle when the kids have opinions and.

Resist and then, especially as they become a teenager.

25:07

Talk back and and do whatever they want and they seek independence and autonomy.

And then the mom and with all the rest intention just tries to control.

She's like, oh, this feels out of control.

This child's out of control, so I'm going to control it, and that creates rebellion and resistance and trouble.

25:23

We talked a lot about the food and the stuff, but there's there's other specific strategies that help us with building those attachments.

And I want to share a couple of those.

Obviously we're going to emphasize them heavily in our parenting course walking through all of the different strategies, but I did definitely want to share some of those before we close here.

25:44

OK, so I basically we were talking about it's terrifying for them when they feel that they're being pushed away.

They're trying to hang on for dear life.

The safer and more secure they feel, the less clingy they will be.

In fact, I use that as a measuring stick.

26:01

If I'm wondering how my kids are doing, I'll look at their neediness or their clinginess.

That is a clue to me that something's going on and that they're maybe not feeling attached or not getting enough attention or love or or time with you.

So if your kids are clingy and needy, this is your chance to say, oh, they must not feel very attached to me.

26:21

What can I do to build that attachment?

OK.

Initially going back to reading this may feel like a lot more neediness from them and attention from you.

Like when especially if you're rebuilding something that's been lost, there's going to be a huge up from upfront investment into that.

26:40

Like it's going to feel disproportionately.

Well, it's because you have to fill an empty bucket.

Yeah, you're filling an empty bucket exactly like if you started this from birth.

I mean, it would feel easy because you would be if you knew what you're doing, right?

And you'd be like, oh, this is easy.

I'm just bonding, bonding, bonding and there's no giant debt that needs to be filled.

26:59

It's, it's so much easier to maintain a full bucket than to fill an empty 1.

So wherever you're at with each of your children, just visually see the bucket and you might realize that some of them are empty.

And if you've kind of been operating and, and you didn't know any of this and now you're learning it, you might have a family full empty buckets and you're going to have to fill them all.

27:21

And it's a lot of work, but lean in, do it.

Yeah.

So initially that's going to require a lot from you.

But the more you feel this need, even before the bucket's full, right as as you begin to fill the bucket, they will start to feel more and more certain that you will always be there for them when they need you.

27:39

So they'll start to have more confidence and more independence.

And that's, that's how it works.

I mean our children, because once we begin to learn these things and understand this, we began to be very, very, very intentional about making sure their buckets stay full.

27:59

That is why we essentially eliminated tantrums from our life.

That is why we essentially eliminated teenage rebellion from our life.

Just emphasize that like toddlers with full buckets don't have tantrum.

28:15

Exactly.

Teens with full buckets have no need to rebel or to make bad choices.

Yeah.

So if you keep that bucket full, the attachment there, the relationship, the the connection, if it's good kids from very little, from infants to young adults, they want to do what's right.

28:36

They want to do what's best for them.

They literally want what you want.

Exactly.

So one of the things I love to do with my my coaching clients is, is this idea of the silent film.

If your life were a silent film, if you took away all the stuff you talk about and people could just watch what you do, would observers easily be able to see what's most important to you?

29:01

Would it be obvious to them that family is most important?

But would it be so obvious it would easily hold up in a court?

That's, that's the ultimate test.

So do the silent film test with this.

Take away what you say.

This is silent film.

Are your kids attached right?

29:18

Do you make it easy for them to attach?

Do they have all the quality and quantity to be attached in that silent?

Film.

Yeah, Quality.

And quality time and and and connection, all the stuff you need to do to be attached and and is it obvious in your silent film that you're taking care of yourself so that you can take care of your children?

29:40

Yeah, it's all there.

It's it's really powerful.

Right.

And so just as we close, I want to share a few of these little strategies because again, like we need specific things of what to do in the moment, what to do when we're feeling that overwhelm, We're feeling the the stress of being touched out, we're feeling the burnout.

30:01

For me, one of the most simple things, simple strategies I use all the time, I still use and this can be used with any age is that if I'm getting that sense of, of like it's building, it's growing.

I'm, I'm getting anxious, I'm getting angry, I'm getting frustrated.

30:17

I'm, you know, that negative emotion is growing.

That is a sign to me of like, OK, I need to just pause.

I need to stop because very often I'm, for me, I'm getting that when I'm thinking about, well, I want to do this and I want to do that and I can't because they're doing, you know, it's like stop all of that, Forget thinking about all the things on your To Do List.

30:40

Forget trying to get it done, forget the schedule.

You just pause and you take a moment and I will even tell the kids, let's sit on the couch, let's cuddle and, and we all just stop and we all just take a second or however long it takes to be in each other's presence, to breathe, to kiss, to hug, to love, to express love.

31:05

That right there is so simple for like regulating everyone's emotions.

So they're freaking out and they're getting upset.

If you just take that moment to be with them, to hold them, to love them, it's amazing how quickly it just calms them.

I know when I was a young mom, I I often felt like when my children are acting out, I am not going to reward them with my not going to hug them.

31:30

I'm not going to kiss them.

I'm not going to tell them I love them because they don't deserve it right now, they're misbehaving.

That is the wrong approach.

That is.

The worst thing I could do, and it's the exact opposite of what I should do now.

I take that opportunity when my children are misbehaving, and the ideal is to get to prevent it, to preempt it by taking action beforehand.

31:56

Because you also don't want to train your children to misbehave so they get your love, right?

That's not good either.

If the only time you give them your give them your love is when they're acting out, well, then that's what they're going to do.

Kids are smart, but if you are trying to be proactive about giving love throughout the day, but then they're misbehaving, to me that is now a sign because I've laid the foundation like, oh, they're, they're needing more love and attention.

32:20

So exactly, let me take a moment here to give them my love and attention so that they can feel regulated, they can feel calm, they can feel assured that I'm here for them, that I, you know, everything else I've got going on in my life, I'm here for them when they need me.

32:38

I'll gladly say no and stop whatever I'm doing for you because you're the most important people in my life.

If you don't have the time and space in your life to be there for your kids, it may be one of those inconvenient truths of like, maybe you need to redesign your life one. 100% your strategy is so significant because moms especially, but dads too, I'll think, well, I can't go calm down because the kids are crazy like well, no you.