June 30, 2025

How to Get on the Same Page With Your Spouse—Without Undermining Each Other

Have you ever felt like you and your spouse are trying to parent on two totally different wavelengths? Like you’re both aiming for the same end result—raising good, respectful kids—but the path you’re each taking feels completely opposite? This kind of mismatch can cause confusion, stress, and even resentment, especially when one parent feels like the other is “too harsh” or “too soft.” This post expounds on our podcast episode, “#314 Getting on the Same Parenting Page —While Honoring the Important Roles of Mom and Dad”.

If you’ve ever struggled with this, you’re not alone. Getting on the same page is one of the most common (and most important) challenges couples face. In fact, this kind of disconnect often comes down to understanding and applying authoritative parenting—the sweet spot between too strict and too permissive.

Find out more about How We Raised 7 Well-Adjusted Kids — Without Yelling, Tantrums, Punishments or Power Struggles. It’s packed with the core philosophy, tools, and practical strategies that helped us raise emotionally healthy, resilient kids while traveling the world with them.

The Truth About Authoritative Parenting: It’s Not “My Way or the Highway”

There’s a big misunderstanding around what authoritative parenting really looks like.

People often confuse it with authoritarian (rigid, rule-heavy, “because I said so”) or permissive (too soft, no boundaries, afraid to upset the kids).

But authoritative parenting is a balanced, intentional approach.

It's firm but warm.

Clear but compassionate.

Structured but flexible.

This balance is especially important when two parents are trying to blend different parenting styles. Maybe one of you is more nurturing and emotionally tuned-in, while the other is focused on results, rules, and responsibility.

These differences are actually a strength—if you learn how to work together instead of competing with each other.

Your Spouse Isn’t the Problem—Your Perspective Might Be

Here’s something that might be hard to hear: your spouse probably isn’t wrong.

They just see things differently.

Men and women often approach parenting from different angles—and that’s a good thing.

It’s easy to assume your way is “the right way,” especially when emotions run high.

But when you can step back and say, “Wait… what are we actually trying to achieve here?” then work together on a shared strategy, you shift from blame to collaboration.

You stop focusing on who’s right and start focusing on what’s right.

Behind Closed Doors—Then Out in the Open

In the beginning, we handled disagreements about parenting styles in private.

If one of us saw the other get too intense or too permissive in the moment, we’d talk it through later—with humility.

Sometimes we’d admit, “Yep, I blew it.”

Other times we’d say, “I actually feel good about how I handled that.”

And that mutual respect made all the difference.

As we practiced, we started modeling this in front of our kids—showing them how adults can disagree respectfully, self-correct, and stay united.

It created emotional safety and stability for our family because the kids could see we were a team, even when we had different ideas.

Different Roles, Same Mission

Authoritative parenting doesn’t mean you both parent exactly the same.

Moms and dads play different roles—and that’s by design.

Dads tend to challenge and roughhouse.

Moms often nurture and soothe.

Both are essential.

So no, your kids don’t need two moms—or two dads. They need two parents who respect each other’s styles but stay united in purpose.

That unity gives kids the security they need to thrive.

It also prevents manipulation and confusion, because the kids can’t “play” one parent against the other. They know both parents are on the same team.

authoritative parenting

Let Go of the Rulebook (And the Control)

Many of us operate with an unspoken rulebook in our heads—how dinner should look, how fast chores should get done, how kids should respond.

But those rules can sabotage connection.

Sometimes we have to choose the relationship over the routine.

That might mean letting the dishes wait so you can enjoy the moment.

Or asking kindly instead of barking orders.

Or choosing to model calm instead of lashing out in frustration.

Authoritative parenting isn’t about controlling the moment—it’s about leading with presence, purpose, and patience.

If You Want Change, Start With You

We’ll be honest: you are the problem.

But that’s good news—because it means you’re also the solution.

If your kids are being disrespectful, chaotic, or disobedient, it’s probably because they’ve seen it modeled somewhere—by you or your spouse.

Kids imitate.

And if we want them to grow, we have to grow first.

This is why personal development is parenting.

Nothing gets better until you do.

Ready to Get on the Same Page?

If you and your spouse have been struggling to unify your parenting approach, now is the time to talk it through—tactfully, lovingly, and with a clear goal in mind.

What do you both want for your children?

What do those outcomes look like on a daily basis?

How can you support each other’s differences without compromising unity?

The answers are already within you.

You just have to be willing to ask the right questions and grow together.