10 Toxic Behaviors We Don’t Allow in Our Family — And How We Teach Better Communication Skills Instead

Have you ever felt like a broken record trying to stop sibling fights, whining, or disrespect—and nothing works no matter how many consequences you give? You’re not alone. But the secret isn’t more punishments or stricter rules—it’s teaching better communication skills. In our latest podcast episode, “#315 Can’t Get Your Kids to Stop Fighting? Try These 10 Scripts to Create Peace”, we share how we eliminated fighting and emotional chaos in our home by setting clear boundaries and modeling emotional intelligence.

We didn’t get lucky with “easy kids.” We’ve raised seven children while homeschooling, traveling full-time, and running a business. What made the difference? Prioritizing connection, holding firm boundaries, and intentionally teaching how to communicate effectively—even during conflict. If you're tired of yelling or repeating yourself a thousand times, this is the kind of real-life parenting approach that changes everything.

👉 Don’t miss the free resource mentioned in the episode: How We Raised 7 Well-Adjusted Kids — Without Yelling, Tantrums, Punishments, or Power Struggles

Why These 10 Behaviors Matter

The truth is, some behaviors need to be completely eliminated from your home—not just corrected occasionally. 

These 10 behaviors aren’t just “normal kid stuff.” 

If left unaddressed, they’ll slowly eat away at the peace, safety, and connection in your home. 

But the good news is that once you identify and hold clear boundaries, the transformation is immediate.

When parents hold firm on these 10 behaviors—with love, consistency, and modeling excellent communication skills—kids respond. They become more respectful, kind, emotionally aware, and cooperative.

The 10 Behaviors We Don’t Allow—And What We Teach Instead

1. Name Calling and Insults

We hold a hard line on this—no exceptions. We don't allow our kids to call each other names or make cutting comments, even in “joking.” Words matter. 

They shape identity and relationships. Instead, we teach our kids to speak with kindness and clarity and give them simple scripts to express their feelings or frustrations respectfully.

2. Sarcasm and Mocking

It might seem harmless, but sarcasm often creates subtle shame or resentment. 

In our home, we replace mocking with sincere, thoughtful communication and playful humor that builds connection rather than breaks it.

3. Whining and Complaining

We don’t accept chronic whining or passive-aggressive complaining. 

Instead, we train our kids to ask directly and clearly for what they need. 

If they’re tired or struggling, we help them name it honestly and practice self-regulation.

4. Emotional Outbursts

Tantrums aren’t just for toddlers. 

Unregulated emotional outbursts from older kids (or parents!) create chaos. 

That’s why we model calm communication—even in stress. 

And when a child has a meltdown, we gently hold space without letting their emotions dominate the home.

5. “It’s Not Fair!”

Life isn’t fair—and we don’t pretend it is. 

But we model generosity, empathy, and self-restraint. 

Our kids learn to consider others first because they see us do it—like when Dad consistently serves first and eats last. 

Over time, this becomes their instinct, too.

6. Physical Aggression

No hitting. 

No biting. 

No scratching. 

Ever. 

That’s a firm, clear boundary. 

And because we enforced it early—with consistent, calm consequences—we’ve never had issues with physical aggression in our home. 

7. Blaming Others

We don’t play the blame game. 

Instead, we teach ownership: What did you do to contribute? 

What could you have done differently? 

Even if they’re only 1% responsible, that’s where they can grow.

8. Jealousy and Competition

When each child’s needs are met—attention, significance, connection—jealousy disappears. 

We make sure every child feels seen and celebrated for who they are, not compared to siblings.

9. Sibling Ganging Up

Teasing or mocking in a group? 

Absolutely not. 

We teach our kids to stand up for each other and protect the one being picked on. 

In our family, we fight for each other, not against each other.

10. Disrespectful Tone or Dismissiveness

How something is said matters as much as what is said. 

Tone communicates emotion. 

If a child is rude or dismissive, we pause the conversation until they can reset and speak with respect. 

It’s not about control—it’s about connection and emotional safety.

Creating Peace in Your Home Starts With You

This kind of parenting requires intentional leadership. 

You can’t expect your kids to master healthy communication if you haven’t modeled it yourself. So before anything else, ask yourself:

• Do I speak respectfully when I’m frustrated?
• Do I model calm and clarity, even when I’m angry?
• Am I holding firm, consistent boundaries with kindness?

If not, that’s where to start. 

When you change the culture of your home—by changing your own tone, energy, and leadership—your kids will follow.

Final Thoughts: Raise the Standard, Not the Volume

You don’t need to yell to get your kids to listen. 

You need better communication skills—and your kids need them too. 

When you replace toxic behaviors with connection, clarity, and emotional intelligence, everything changes.

Want help doing this in your own home? Start here 👉 How We Raised 7 Well-Adjusted Kids — Without Yelling, Tantrums, Punishments, or Power Struggles

You don’t have to figure this out alone. 

And you don’t have to settle for surviving—you can create a home culture that feels joyful, calm, connected, and strong.

We’re here to help!

RESOURCES:

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