Why You Should Let Your Kids Do Hard Things (Even If It Feels Risky)

Have you ever felt unsure about when to step in—and when to step back—as a parent? Maybe you’ve caught yourself thinking, “Is this too risky?” or “Am I pushing them too far?” You’re not alone. So many parents want to raise strong, capable kids—but aren’t sure how to balance safety with resilience. In our latest podcast episode, #313 How We Raised 7 Well Adjusted Kids Without Yelling, Tantrums, Punishments or Power Struggles, we explore how letting your kids take on challenge—yes, even risky ones—can actually help them grow into confident, well-adjusted adults. We also share how engagement (with life, learning, and discomfort) plays a critical role in helping kids build inner strength.

Why Engaging With Challenge Builds Stronger, Happier Kids

Have you ever watched your child struggle with something hard—really hard—and felt the urge to step in and protect them?

Most parents have.

But what if the discomfort we try so hard to shield them from is exactly what they need to grow?

When it comes to real growth in our children, engagement is key—not just the kind that keeps them off screens and in family dinners, but deep, meaningful engagement with life.

That means challenge.

Discomfort.

Sometimes even risk.

But it also means strength, confidence, resilience, and capability.

In our journey of raising 7 kids while traveling the world, we’ve seen again and again that when our children are invited to lean into life—its trials and triumphs—they rise. And they thrive.

When Risk Looks Different to Different People

Years ago, we took a family trip to Lake Bled in Slovenia.

It was stunning, peaceful... and also, apparently, very illegal to swim across.

So what did we do?

We swam across.

Now before you gasp, let me set the scene—my boys are strong swimmers with six-pack abs.

I’ve trained in rescue and water safety.

I’ve done triathlons and high-altitude expeditions.

We weren’t being reckless; we were being engaged—fully alive in our bodies, pushing limits with intention and skill.

But not everyone saw it that way.

When a local police officer spotted us, he went ballistic.

“How could you do that?! It’s dangerous! You could die!”

He couldn’t comprehend how someone—let alone a family—could safely do something outside his comfort zone.

In his mind, if it was dangerous for him, it was dangerous for everyone.

And isn’t that how the world operates now?

A one-size-fits-all model of safety, convenience, and low risk.

But that model isn’t helping us raise competent, courageous, or connected kids.

How Engagement Builds Capability

This is why real engagement matters.

Not just in activities, but in the way we parent.

When we say yes to challenge, yes to discomfort, yes to things that stretch us, we build a family culture of strength.

We raise kids who know how to navigate risk, not avoid it.

Who lean into growth instead of hiding from fear.

Who engage with life instead of numbing out from it.

And this isn’t just true physically—it’s emotional, mental, and spiritual too.

When we allow ourselves (and our children) to wrestle with hard things, we grow in ways that easy never could.

This is the foundation of resilience.

Of confidence.

Of deep, unshakable engagement with the people and world around us.

Comfort Doesn’t Create Character

The truth is, comfort doesn’t create character.

Neither does control.

But courage, challenge, and connection?

Those do.

If you want to raise extraordinary kids, don’t focus on making their lives easy—focus on making them capable.

Invite them into a life that’s fully alive.

A life of purpose, resilience, and yes, even risk.

Let them swim the lake.

RESOURCES:

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