Jan. 27, 2025

Setting Boundaries with In-Laws: A Guide to Protecting Family Harmony

Living with Purpose: Why Family Boundaries Are Key to Protecting Your Family’s Health and Happiness

Life with family can be one of the greatest joys, but let’s be real: it can also be a tricky, complicated maze of emotions, expectations, and, yes—family boundaries. Family boundaries are often thought of as restrictive, even harsh. But when you take a step back and think about it, they’re one of the most loving things you can set for yourself and your family. They help you create the space you need to build the kind of life you want—one that’s healthy, happy, and aligned with your values.

But what does it really mean to create family boundaries in your life? And why is it so essential when it comes to your relationships with family and your children’s well-being?

Let’s dive in.

The Power of Setting Boundaries

The truth is, you are not obligated to spend time with people who make unhealthy choices, especially when those choices threaten the health and stability of your own family. It doesn’t matter if they’re your cousins, siblings, or even your parents. We often feel an unspoken pressure to maintain close relationships simply because we're related, but here’s the hard truth: family is no reason to compromise your peace or the well-being of your loved ones.

At one point, we were the ones making tough choices. We had to cut people off—sometimes temporarily, sometimes permanently—because we knew it was what was best for us and for our kids. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary.

For example, I (Greg) went through a period of intense personal growth where I had to sever ties with people who were part of the life I was trying to leave behind. I had a vision for the future: a strong, healthy marriage, children who grew up in a loving environment, and a family culture based on respect, love, and growth. To get there, I couldn’t keep associating with the people who were contributing to the behaviors that didn’t align with that vision. This included friends, but it also meant making some tough decisions with family.

Boundaries Are About Protection, Not Isolation

Family boundaries

Now, I’m not saying you need to shut everyone out of your life. It’s not about building walls; it’s about building a space in your life that’s safe, healthy, and protected. Boundaries are there to protect your family’s culture, to help you preserve the things that matter most, and to ensure that everyone in your family, especially your kids, is growing up in an environment that nurtures their best selves.

We always did our best to create a solid family culture. We weren’t perfect at it, but we were intentional. Our children grew up surrounded by love, strong values, and, most importantly, the understanding of why certain behaviors and relationships weren’t acceptable. That’s key: they didn’t just learn the rules; they understood the why behind them. This helped them build their own sense of what’s healthy and what isn’t—and how to respect boundaries, not just from us but from others as well.

For example, when we were raising our children, we didn’t try to hide them from the world. They didn’t live in a bubble, but we were careful about who they spent time with and what they were exposed to. When we lived in places like Costa Rica, India, and Guatemala, we made sure to immerse them in positive influences. But it was still important for us to keep boundaries around certain relationships, especially when we noticed negative or unhealthy patterns starting to emerge.

The Role of Your Kids in Holding Boundaries

As parents, we aren’t just the enforcers of boundaries—we’re teachers. As our kids got older, we let them take more ownership in creating and maintaining those boundaries. The key was teaching them how to think critically about the influences around them and why it’s important to maintain a healthy space in their lives.

When you set boundaries as a family, it’s not just about keeping things out—it’s about making space for the good stuff: love, support, trust, and respect. And when those boundaries are consistently enforced, your kids will start to see them as tools for personal and family growth, not just something to be “obeyed.”

Boundaries Aren’t About Control; They’re About Freedom

Family boundaries

What people sometimes miss when they think of boundaries is that they aren’t about control or being “strict” for the sake of being strict. In fact, it’s the opposite. Boundaries create the freedom to live in alignment with your values. They give your family the space to grow, to breathe, and to thrive.

You see, when you’re clear about what matters to you and your family—what values you want to uphold, what habits and behaviors you won’t tolerate—it frees you from the constant struggle of trying to navigate every influence that comes your way. Life becomes easier when you know exactly where you stand.

That’s one of the reasons we’ve been able to maintain a positive, relaxed family atmosphere despite our firm boundaries. We don’t sweat the small stuff. We’re not uptight about every little decision. But when it comes to the big things—those things that could potentially harm our family’s mental, emotional, or spiritual health—we’re firm, clear, and unshakeable.

The Long-Term Perspective: Results Speak for Themselves

One thing we want to emphasize is that boundaries, though sometimes painful in the short term, have a way of proving their worth over time. It’s about the long game.

When we first made these tough decisions—cutting people off or keeping certain people at a distance—it wasn’t easy. We didn’t know what would happen down the road. But looking back now, we can see how those decisions helped us build the strong, healthy, and thriving family we have today. And as time has passed, the relationships with family members who initially didn’t understand our boundaries have shifted. We’ve earned their respect—not because we fought with them or argued, but because we proved that what we were doing was right for our family.

And now, years later, we have family members coming to us for advice, seeking our guidance. It’s a full-circle moment. But that only happened because we stuck to our guns and held those boundaries firmly.

Wrapping It Up: Setting Boundaries is an Act of Love

Family boundaries

At the end of the day, creating boundaries isn’t about being hard-hearted or cruel. It’s about being intentional with your family’s energy and environment. Boundaries are the tools you need to keep your family safe, healthy, and growing in the right direction. They protect your peace, nurture your children’s well-being, and allow you to live a life aligned with your values.

So, here’s your challenge: Take the time to reflect on where your boundaries are. Are they firm enough? Are they clear? Are you consistently upholding them, even when it’s difficult? And most importantly, are you teaching your kids the power of healthy boundaries in their own lives?

Remember, it’s your family. You get to decide what that looks like.

Reach Upward!

Watch the full episode here: #296 How to Respond to/Deal With In-Laws and Others Who Oppose Your Extraordinary Lifestyle Choices

RESOURCES:

Let us help you in your extraordinary family life journey.