Why Feeling “Grateful” Still Leaves You Stuck as a Family

If you’ve ever felt grateful but stuck—like you’re doing “all the right things,” but your life still doesn’t feel like the life you actually want—this post is for you. It complements and expands on our podcast episode, Why Being “Content” Is Secretly Keeping You (and Your Family) Stuck, where Greg and I unpack why “contentment” sometimes becomes a disguised form of settling. And if you want a practical foundation for building a home that’s peaceful and progressing, this ties directly into How We Raised 7 Well-Adjusted Kids - Without Yelling, Tantrums, Punishments or Power Struggles—because the truth is, the biggest changes in your kids usually start with changes in you.

The Problem Isn’t Gratitude—It’s What We Hide Behind It

Let’s say this clearly: gratitude is a virtue. Contentment can be a virtue, too.

But there’s a sneaky counterfeit that looks spiritual and sounds mature, while quietly draining the life out of you:

Complacency dressed up as contentment.

It’s the version of “gratitude” that whispers:

• “I should be happy with what I have.”
• “Other people have it worse.”
• “I don’t want to seem ungrateful.”
• “Maybe I’m asking for too much.”

And then—without realizing it—you start tolerating what you don’t actually want.

You tolerate a marriage that feels flat.
You tolerate a body that feels tired and achy.
You tolerate a home that runs on stress and survival mode.
You tolerate your own habits that keep you numbing out.

And the longer you tolerate it, the more normal it becomes.

In life, you get what you tolerate.

“Divine Discontent” Isn’t a Character Flaw

One of the most powerful ideas in this episode is what we call divine discontent—that inner nudge that says:

“This isn’t it. There’s more for me. More for us.”

Some people feel guilty for that. They assume desire is selfish. Or that wanting growth means you’re ungrateful.

But here’s the flip:

True happiness doesn’t come from removing desire. True happiness comes from pursuing your best desires.

The desire to build a better marriage.
The desire to feel healthy and strong.
The desire to create a home with warmth, clarity, and purpose.
The desire to stop living an “unhappy dream.”

That isn’t wrong. That’s a calling.

Why “Achievement” Can Actually Be a Path to Joy

There’s a reason so many parents feel stuck: they’ve been taught to settle emotionally while they keep grinding practically.

They’re doing a lot… but they’re not moving toward a vision.

And without a vision, life becomes endless chores and coping mechanisms.

In the episode, we talk about how achievement (in the healthiest sense) drives pursuit—and pursuit drives transformation. And transformation is where joy lives.

Not because you hit a goal and suddenly everything is perfect…

…but because you become someone new on the way there.

The real reward is who you become.

The Fastest Way to Feel Better About Yourself

This part is so simple, but it’s life-changing:

When you know you should change something… and you don’t… you feel worse.
When you know you should change something… and you do—even one small thing—you feel better.

That’s why we’re big believers in asking yourself:

What’s the thing you know you should do—and you will do?

Not the thing you “should” do that feels impossible right now.
The thing you can actually do today.

A real apology.
A real walk.
Throwing away the food that’s sabotaging you.
Turning your phone off for an hour.
Writing down what you don’t want—so you can finally clarify what you do want.

Small steps done consistently create self-respect again. And self-respect changes everything.

Why Your Family Can’t Rise Higher Than Your Standards

This is the part most parents feel but don’t always want to face:

Your kids need what they can’t get anywhere else—and it has to come from you.

Not perfection. But leadership.

If you don’t live the message, your message doesn’t land.
If you don’t model growth, “growth talk” sounds hollow.
If you tolerate a life you don’t like, your children learn to tolerate theirs too.

And the opposite is also true:

When you raise your standards with love—your whole family rises.

Six Areas to Audit When You Feel “Grateful but Stuck”

A quick framework from the episode that’s incredibly helpful is to look at the major domains of life and ask: Where am I tolerating what I don’t actually want?

• Physical (energy, strength, health, rest)
• Mental (focus, learning, clarity, growth)
• Emotional (peace, resilience, connection)
• Spiritual (purpose, alignment, integrity)
• Social (relationships, community, support)
• Financial (stability, stewardship, freedom)

And if you’re unsure what you want, start with what you don’t want. That’s often easier to name—and it becomes a bridge to designing something better.

Just don’t stay there.

Use it to pivot into: “Okay—what do I want instead?”

The Loving Wake-Up Call

If this hits a nerve, I mean it kindly:

Stop waking up with the goal of “getting through the day.”

You were made for more than survival mode.

And you don’t have to choose between gratitude and growth. You can hold both at the same time:

“I’m deeply grateful… and I’m done tolerating what keeps us stuck.”

That’s not complaining. That’s leadership.

That’s the beginning of an extraordinary family life.

RESOURCES:

Let us help you in your extraordinary family life journey.

• How We Raised 7 Well-Adjusted Kids - Without Yelling, Tantrums, Punishments or Power Struggles (+ get THE CHECKLIST: Things We Do Every Day to Raise Well-Adjusted Kids)
• Rachel’s ⁠⁠Must-Read Booklist for Well-Read Moms⁠⁠
• Greg's ⁠⁠Recommended Reading List for Parents & Youth⁠⁠
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