Dec. 1, 2025

Helping Your Teen Out of a Dark Place — Without Losing Them

Have you ever stood outside your teen’s bedroom door, wondering if you should knock again… or just let them sleep? Wondering if this is “normal teen stuff” or something deeper you should be paying attention to—especially if you care about helping teens thrive and not just survive these turbulent years? In our podcast episode, “Stop Ignoring the Signs: Helping Teens Overcome Anxiety & Depression with Habits”, Greg and I talk about what struggling teens really need, and why the earliest signs matter more than most parents realize. It’s the same philosophy we teach inside our Habits for a Successful Life Online Class for Teens, and what we guide parents through in the next Extraordinary Parent Mentoring Method 12-Week Teen Cohort, because thriving isn’t an accident—it’s something you cultivate intentionally, one moment, one habit, one connection at a time.

Stop Ignoring the Signs: Helping Teens Overcome Anxiety & Depression with Habits

Teenagers might be some of my favorite humans.

They’re hilarious, intense, dramatic, full of potential, full of contradictions… and they still carry this beautiful belief in possibility. I love that about youth. They haven’t yet surrendered to the idea that life must be small or cramped or dull. They still think big.

But this same age group is also struggling more than ever.

Every week we hear from parents:

“My teen won’t get out of bed.”
“She’s depressed.”
“He’s anxious and withdrawn.”
“She just stays in her room.”
“He’s slipping into scary behaviors.”

And the most dangerous response is the most common one:
“It’s just a phase.”
“Teens sleep a lot.”
“He’ll grow out of it.”

But the truth is, many of these early signs are not phases—they’re precursors.
Little signals. Early warnings. Baby dragons.

And baby dragons don’t stay small.

The Baby Dragon That Grows When No One’s Watching

One of our favorite metaphors in the Denning household is the idea of the “baby dragon.”

A little laziness.
A little attitude.
A little too much screen time.
A little withdrawal from family life.

Not huge. Not dramatic. Just… concerning.

But if you ignore that little dragon, it doesn’t shrink. It grows.
Sleeping in becomes all-day in bed.
Moodiness becomes despair.
Screens become the only world they care about.
Anxiety becomes panic.
Sadness becomes depression.

We’ve seen this progression in dozens—if not hundreds—of teens we’ve worked with. And heartbreaking as it is to say, most parents don’t realize what’s happening until the dragon is huge and breathing fire on everything.

We’re not saying this to scare you.
We’re saying it because early awareness is your superpower as a parent.

Prevention is so much easier than full-scale repair.

Habits Really ARE the Foundation of Mental Health

If you strip away all the noise and look at the actual research, one thing becomes incredibly clear:

What determines success for both teens and adults are the habits they practice daily.

Habits determine mood.
Habits determine meaning.
Habits determine mental health.
Habits determine emotional resilience.

Trauma is real.
Genetics are real.
Family stress is real.

But clinical science consistently shows that in the vast majority of cases—around 95%—mental and emotional struggles dramatically improve through positive daily habits.

Not rigid routines.
Not perfection.
Just simple, steady behaviors that build momentum:

getting up at the same time
moving your body
eating real food
connecting with people who love you
having something meaningful to look forward to

These habits form the scaffolding that holds a life together.

Greg shared openly (as he always does) about his younger years—about the anxiety, the depression, the suicidal thoughts, the hopelessness. He remembers lying there thinking, “What’s the point? Nothing works. Every time things get better, something bad happens.”

If you met him now, you’d never imagine that history.
He’s genuinely one of the happiest, most hopeful people alive.

And—this part really matters—it didn’t happen by accident.
It happened through habits. Hard-won, consistent, daily habits.

“Why Should I Get Out of Bed?” (A Question Most Parents Never Ask)

When a teen won’t get up in the morning, most parents focus on the behavior.

But Greg and I always ask:

Why would they want to get up?
What’s waiting for them?
What’s pulling them forward?
What feels meaningful or exciting about their life?

Because here’s the truth we often don’t want to face:

If their life feels empty, boring, overly controlled, or meaningless…
why would they get out of bed?

Teens are wired for adventure, challenge, and purpose.
If they don’t have those things in real life, they will look for them in:

video games
online worlds
social media drama
risky behaviors
self-sabotage

And none of those are real nourishment. They’re escape hatches.

Part of helping teens thrive is building a life that feels like it matters—to them.

Not to us.
Not to school.
Not to their peer group.
To them.

But to do that, we also have to look honestly at our own habits.

helping teens thrive

Imitation vs Emulation (The Shift Parents Aren’t Prepared For)

When your kids are little, they imitate you.
You are their whole universe.

But as they grow, something changes.
They start comparing.
They look around at other families, other adults, other lifestyles.

And then they look back at you, not from below anymore, but from the side…
and they silently ask:

“Do I want the life you’re living?”

That question can be sobering.

Because if they look over and see you:

coasting
numbing out
not growing
not excited
not learning
not taking care of yourself

…they start to lose respect.
They pull away.
They stop listening.

On the other hand, if they see you trying, growing, learning, creating habits, rebuilding yourself…

They may still roll their eyes at your rules, but deep down something powerful happens:

They respect you.
They trust you.
They’re willing to be led by you.

If we want teens to thrive, we have to be someone worth emulating—not perfect, just growing.

Creating a “Mini-World” at Home

One of the most practical parts of the episode was around helping teens understand how the real world works.

In real life:

If you don’t pay rent, you get evicted.
If you don’t show up, you lose your job.
If you don’t meet your responsibilities, things fall apart.
At home, we try to mirror that reality in a loving, gentle way.

Not harsh.
Not punitive.
Just honest.

“You have rights here—food, heat, a bed, a family that loves you. But those come with responsibilities. Not because we’re trying to control you, but because that’s how the world works. We want you to be ready for it.”

When parents remove all consequences because they “feel bad,” they unintentionally trap their teens in the very pain they’re trying to prevent.

Real love is teaching capability.

Pattern Interrupts and State Changes (Your Secret Weapon)

Another powerful tool we talked about in the episode is the pattern interrupt.

If your home has become heavy, stagnant, or emotionally flat, you need something that breaks the cycle.

That might look like:

taking your teen on a spontaneous one-on-one date
going somewhere new together
stepping into nature instead of staying home
trying something slightly adventurous
doing something that feels different from the daily grind

It jolts the brain.
It changes their state.

A new environment creates a new emotional chemistry.
And in that new chemistry, hope begins to surface.

That’s when you talk about new habits.
That’s when you talk about doing things differently.
That’s when they’re most open to new ideas and new commitments.

And when you go home, you don’t slip back into the old patterns.
You change things—big and small.

Because thriving teens don’t grow out of old habits.
They grow into new ones.