Oct. 28, 2024

When You’re Wondering If You Should Divorce: What You Really Need to Consider

Have you ever looked at your spouse and thought, “I don’t even know who we are anymore”? Like you’re doing life together—raising kids, managing schedules, paying bills—but emotionally, you’re miles apart? If so, you’re not alone. It’s easy to feel disconnected, discouraged, or even wonder if divorce is the only option left. But the truth is, it doesn't have to end this way. In our latest podcast episode, "#283 When and Why to Consider Divorce", we share real talk about what to do when your marriage feels broken—and how to decide if it’s time to walk away… or if it’s time to lean in and rebuild something even better.

When “Normal” Marriage Gets Really Hard

Here’s a truth we don’t hear enough: It’s completely normal to have moments in your marriage where you feel lost, hurt, or unsure if you can go on.

It doesn’t mean you married the wrong person.

It doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed.

And it definitely doesn’t mean divorce is the only way forward.

Most of us were never taught how to have a thriving marriage. We entered it with big dreams, busy lives, and unresolved baggage. Then throw in a couple kids, years of sleepless nights, stress, unmet expectations, and you’ve got the perfect storm for disconnection.

But the good news is: you don’t have to stay stuck there.

Before You Consider Divorce, Ask This:

Instead of jumping to “Should I stay or should I go?” try asking:

“Have I fully shown up in this marriage as the partner I want to be?”

This isn’t about blame.

It’s about empowerment.

You can't control your spouse, but you can control how you show up.

Are you leading with love?

Humility?

Curiosity?

Are you nurturing emotional safety?

Are you communicating honestly?

We’ve seen again and again that when even one partner starts to grow, soften, and shift... the relationship dynamic begins to change.

Divorce Won’t Solve an Internal Problem

Divorce might remove you from a hard relationship—but it won’t remove you. If you haven’t worked through the patterns, wounds, or triggers that contributed to the breakdown, they’ll follow you into the next relationship.

And while there are cases where separation or divorce is necessary—for safety or well-being—the reality is that most marriages suffer not because they’re unsalvageable… but because no one taught us how to repair, reconnect, and rebuild when things fall apart.

The truth?

Most of us need new tools, not a new partner.

What If There’s Still Hope?

Before giving up, ask yourself:

Have we tried real communication? (Not just arguing—but honest, vulnerable, non-defensive dialogue.)
Have we done the inner work individually? (Healing childhood wounds, regulating emotions, managing stress.)
Have we sought outside help? (A coach, a counselor, a trusted mentor.)
Have we prioritized connection? (Date nights, shared goals, physical affection, emotional check-ins.)

Sometimes, just one intentional shift—one courageous conversation—can spark a chain reaction that brings you back to life as a couple.

What’s On the Other Side of Staying?

We’ve been in that place where connection was lost, the spark was gone, and we felt like roommates more than soulmates.

And we can tell you: fighting for your marriage is worth it.

Rebuilding love, trust, and intimacy isn’t quick or easy.

But when you do the work, you don’t just save your marriage—you become different people. Stronger. Softer. More generous. More whole.

You create a legacy of commitment for your kids.

You model what it looks like to repair instead of run.

You rediscover a kind of love that’s deeper than infatuation—it’s forged in fire, and it’s real.

When It Is Time to Walk Away

We don’t believe in staying in marriages that are abusive, unsafe, or emotionally destructive.

If you’re in that situation, your well-being matters.

Your children’s well-being matters.

Get help.

Set boundaries.

Prioritize safety.

But if your marriage is just... hard—if you're dealing with conflict, miscommunication, emotional distance, or frustration—then we want to encourage you:

Don’t quit on a marriage you haven’t fully shown up for.

Give it your all.

Not for your spouse—but for you.

For the kind of person you want to be.

For the family you want to build.

For the legacy you want to leave behind.

If you're in that place where it feels like the only way out is out… please listen to episode #283 When and Why to Consider Divorce. You’ll hear more of our story, and what it actually looks like to heal a marriage that feels broken.

You’re not alone. And there’s so much hope.

The topics discussed in our episodes are intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. They should not be considered medical advice. Always consult a qualified professional for any medical concerns or questions.

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