Things Feel Hard Because We’re Soft (And What Parents Can Do About It)

Have you ever looked at your child—or even yourself—and thought, Why does this feel so hard? Like a simple setback, an uncomfortable conversation, or a bit of pressure completely derails the day. If that resonates, you’re not alone. The truth is, things feel hard because we are soft—and that doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or your kids. It means we’re living in a world of unprecedented comfort. When it comes to raising resilient kids, modern ease is quietly working against us. In our latest podcast/video, “The Comfort Crisis: Why Today’s Teens Are Soft, Squishy, and Unprepared to Launch,” we talk about why comfort erodes resilience—and how parents can intentionally raise capable, confident kids who can actually handle real life.

Why Comfort Is Making Life Feel Harder

We’re living in one of the easiest times in human history. Food is delivered to our doors. Temperature is controlled at the push of a button. Entertainment is endless. In many ways, this is incredible.

But comfort has a shadow side.

When children rarely experience discomfort, challenge, or meaningful effort, their capacity stays small. And when capacity is small, even minor difficulties feel enormous.

It’s not that kids today are weak or lazy. It’s that they’ve had very few opportunities to develop strength.

And strength—real strength—is something that can only be built through experience.

The Problem Isn’t Feelings — It’s Fragility

This conversation often gets misunderstood, so let’s be clear.

We are not saying kids shouldn’t have feelings.
We are not saying emotions should be ignored or dismissed.
We are not saying “just toughen up” and move on.

In fact, emotional awareness matters deeply.

But emotional awareness without resilience creates fragility.

A child who can name every feeling but can’t move through discomfort will struggle far more than a child who feels deeply and knows how to act anyway.

Life doesn’t stop being hard just because we understand our emotions. The skill is learning how to feel and function at the same time.

Why We Need Holistic Toughness

One of the biggest parenting mistakes we see is focusing on just one kind of strength.

A child might be physically capable but emotionally overwhelmed.
Another might be emotionally intelligent but unable to work through frustration.
Another might be socially confident but mentally brittle when things don’t go their way.

Real resilience has to be holistic.

Our kids need physical capacity—the ability to work hard, move their bodies, tolerate effort, and recover from discomfort. But they also need mental toughness: the ability to think, problem-solve, learn from mistakes, and keep going when something doesn’t work.

They need emotional resilience—not suppression, but regulation. The ability to handle disappointment, rejection, embarrassment, and frustration without collapsing.

They need social strength—comfort interacting with people, handling awkwardness, speaking up, and navigating conflict instead of avoiding it.

They need spiritual strength—a sense of purpose and meaning that gives hardship context. When kids know why they’re doing hard things, they’re far more willing to do them.

And yes, they need financial and practical strength too: responsibility, delayed gratification, effort, and follow-through. These are character builders, not just life skills.

The goal isn’t perfection in every area.
The goal is capability.

Why We Choose Hard Things on Purpose

In our family, we don’t wait for life to make things hard.

We choose challenge—intentionally.

Sometimes that looks big, like physically demanding travel, endurance-based experiences, or long-term projects that stretch everyone. Other times it’s small: consistent workouts, cold exposure, finishing tasks when it would be easier to quit, or having uncomfortable but necessary conversations.

These micro-doses of difficulty build daily resilience.
The macro-doses—bigger challenges—build perspective.

When kids do something genuinely hard, it permanently resets their definition of “hard.” Suddenly, everyday frustrations don’t feel so overwhelming.

That’s the point.

We want our kids to look at life’s inevitable challenges and think, This is manageable. I can handle this.

The Critical Parenting Shift: Invitation, Not Force

Here’s something that matters deeply:

You cannot force resilience.

If children feel controlled, they resist.
If they feel shamed, they shut down.
If they feel coerced, they rebel—often by becoming softer, not stronger.

Strength develops when kids choose to engage.

That means parents must lead by example, invite participation, explain the why, and make growth part of family culture—not punishment.

This is why modeling matters so much. Kids don’t learn resilience from lectures. They learn it from watching how we handle discomfort, effort, and challenge ourselves.

Start Small, But Start Today

You don’t need to plan an extreme adventure tomorrow.

Start where you are.

Go for a walk in uncomfortable weather.
Create a short family workout routine.
Practice finishing hard things together.
Have one conversation you’ve been avoiding.
Choose effort over ease, just once today.

Then put something bigger on the calendar.

When challenge becomes normal, resilience becomes natural.

The Goal: Capable Kids in a Comfortable World

We’re not trying to raise kids who suffer for the sake of suffering.

We’re trying to raise kids who can handle life.

Because the truth is, comfort won’t always be there. Systems fail. Plans change. Life throws curveballs.

And when it does, we want our children to stand—not collapse.

Things feel hard because we are soft.
But softness is not permanent.

Strength is built.
Resilience is trained.
And it starts at home—on purpose.

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