#280 Here's WHY You Don't ALREADY Have the Truly Fulfilling Family Life You Want

Rachel Denning (00:02.439)
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Extraordinary Family Life podcast. We're your host, Greg and Rachel Denning. And today, we've got a doozy. Very exciting. Rachel has a story to share. And then I have some ranting to do. And Rachel's kind of feisty today. So we might have some ranting and some raving. So be forewarned, people. OK, so I was listening to a podcast by Dr. Uberman, who I think is great.

Excellent. Excellent resources. Doctor, researcher, scientist. And in it, and I have also recently started meditating more consistently. I read a book about it, also a great book by I think Emily Fletcher about stress less, stress less, something like that. Something, blah, stress. even matter, it was about meditation. But Dr. Uberman also recommended this app.

meditation. So I downloaded it to see what it was all about. And I listened to the, it's a paid app, so I downloaded it for free, but of course I couldn't really access anything because it was paid, which of course is usually annoying, but they had a free little clip of like why is this app better? And so I started listening to that and two minutes in, maybe, or less.

Like, he says this one line that just flew through me for a loop. I was just like, are you kidding me? Really? Seriously? Like, I could not believe this frame of reference for essentially his existence. And I realized kind of later at the same time that this guy, his name is Sam Harris. He's a well-known atheist. I've heard Jordan Peterson talk, Jordan Peterson has talked to him, interviewed him.

So I've heard of him before. But I was listening to it and essentially the part I remember was him explaining why his app was better is because this app is to help you because meditation is meant to wake you up from the unhappy dream of your life.

Rachel Denning (02:19.505)
And when he said that, I just had to shut it off because I was like, wait a second, what? Meditation is here to help wake you up from the unhappy dream of your life. What kind of life philosophy is that where your life is an unhappy dream? Like, what are you doing? for a few minutes every day to escape from your unhappy life. Exactly. Because that is so completely opposite from everything I know.

everything I believe, my entire personal experience, we don't say these things just to be...

Rachel Denning (03:00.455)
I don't know, optimistic or to put on some kind of show, we legit have the most... It's all about positive thinking. we legit have the most amazing life. Every single day I am filled with gratitude for my life. Every single day I am like so thankful for the incredible life that I live. Now that doesn't mean that I don't have frustration or...

anger sometimes or irritation or annoyance like I still feel those emotions you know I still feel negative emotion but that to me does not negate the incredible life that I am still living right I can feel irritation because my computer doesn't work or has a glitch or something goes wrong like I could feel irritation of those I can feel anger about something happening that I should feel angry about

that doesn't negate the fact that I live an incredible happy life. And so this entire idea that I would need to meditate to wake up from the unhappy dream of my life is just so completely foreign to me. And so we kind of want to talk about that today and why that's also me realize, like I realize a lot of people feel that way. They feel that their life is an unhappy dream. They believe life sucks.

and then you die, which is a model that comes from your family. That's their reality. I get that. And I can, I can literally in my mind, I kind of hear people saying right now, like, we're not all as lucky as you, Rachel. Right. We don't get to live this happy life. Exactly. Some of us have, have to Real problems. We've had, yeah, we have real problems. As so many people have told us over the years, the rest of us have to live in reality. Exactly. Right.

So okay, so that's part of what we want to talk about. Like why is our life as good as it is? Because you and I both agree that we're nobody special. We're really not. People might think, they might look at us and think, you guys are so special, you're so lucky, you this that and the other, you have it all figured out. We're really not that different. We are very, very normal people. We came from extremely normal.

Rachel Denning (05:22.759)
Backgrounds, mean even in your case. I think it's more of a disadvantage Background we didn't have anything special given to us or handed to us or provided So we're not abnormal. We're not like aliens from another planet. We are normal people So why is it chosen to live very? Okay, and that's what we're gonna talk about we're gonna talk through all that we've chosen to pursue things very deliberately to produce

Deliberate results that we want which have led to us living a happy successful life But it's not because we're lucky or and I'm not okay There is always an aspect of luck involved in things right? what you create but a lot of you can create your own it's Opportunity opportunity serendipity to it's where you're pursuing things and you're planning and moving ahead

but then things work out even better than you had hoped. That's a level of serendipity, but that happens because you're taking action, because you are on the pursuit of something. So that's definitely involved, but we're not just.

abnormal, extra special people who get to have this special life. No, we have created it very specifically, very deliberately. And because we are so normal, that means anybody who does the same things we did, takes the same steps, could also create it. Like it's within their terms, they have to live our life. They could create their own dream life on their terms. Exactly. However unique and different that looks.

What we're saying is like, if we can do it, then you can do it too. Right. It's not out of your grasp, essentially. Like, it's possible. So we want to talk through all that. Why? How? And we've had some visitors recently, and I think this is important. We had a good friend come, and he was staying with us for a little bit. And we live a fantastic life, and it's very fun.

Rachel Denning (07:29.139)
But I know some people get here and they're like, this is great. And then they realize like, this is exhausting. And in some ways, our life is exhausting. It's true. Because we all have high levels of energy. Yes. And we have high Not naturally. We regenerate We generate a lot of energy because we have learned the tools and the skills of maintaining and generating energy. Right. And we want results. And results require effort. And so.

and an extraordinary life requires the extra in front of it. And so we put in the work and we do it every day. It's not like I'll put in the work and then I can take the rest of my life off. Nope, doesn't happen like that. Especially because our dreams keep getting bigger and bigger. Right, well and even to maintain a certain level of a high quality life, you got to work for it. Or a standard of living or quality of life. It has a price tag. Exactly. And so I guess one little kind of metaphor for it is

He's just exercise, right? And so he came and then we got up in the morning, went and ran along the coast and just absolutely gorgeous run and then came back and hit the weights hard. And then, you know, after the workout, he was in the in the bathroom vomiting. And it's like it's. We just caught him off guard, right, because he had been out traveling for a long time and he wasn't used to it. you know, he jumped all in and did what we did and it was literally the bathroom puking.

And I'm not throwing him under the bus here. mean, he showed up and then the next day he got up and worked out with us again and did it. But I use it as an illustration. like, it can be exhausting. And the amount of books that we're constantly reading or listening to and discussing and the quality of food we're eating and the way we're doing life, if you're not up for it, it looks exhausting. And the reason I share that is because for a lot of people, that I think is one of the barriers, keeping them from what they want.

Is it looks like a lot of hard work and it looks and feels exhausting and and I don't want to paint this picture Like we don't even get exhausted like I don't even ever get tired. It's exhausting for us, too Yeah, we definitely like get tired like whoa, man. This is we're working hard working our businesses We're raising our family. We're working on the world school family resort. We're taking care of our animals I mean, there's a lot going on and we're like, like I'm spent

Rachel Denning (09:51.977)
I crawl into bed and we're out cold. In fact, we did this the other night. It was like 9.30 and both of us are crawling into bed like, it's only 9.30, it feels like midnight. And then we're passing out on our son calls from Spain. So we ended up staying up another hour talking to him and we're, you know, I was literally was sitting there with my eyes closed, like zoning out, but wanting to, you know, hear from him. And so it's part of like, you know, how often have we stayed up talking to our teens?

and young adults like this is part of the reality I want to have a great relationship with them I'm going to be staying up late listening to them well and then I get up early the next day to do something else with them so one of the barriers is okay because before we started here you were discussing the topic and it was essentially why is it people don't have the life that they want why is it that so many people feel like they're living an unhappy dream right

What makes that a reality for them? Yes. And so for those of you listening, please take this personally. Make it personal. Make it real for you. Stop and say, am I living, truly living the life I want? A dream life. Sometimes we change our story. We have a real dream life, but then we're like, yeah, I don't know. Maybe it's not realistic, or gosh, that would take a lot of work. So you know what?

actually, I want this other dream life. And so then we make up this other story that's a lot easier. It's a lot smaller. And so then we're like, no, yeah, I'm living my life. But you know, deep down, like you've settled, you acquiesced. So I want you to go in your own, in your mind palace, in your heart and soul, and look at the real dream. And I know some of you have set that aside, have buried it deep, because it's painful to think about. It's disappointing.

Because when you stop and think about it, you're like, yeah, my life isn't where I want it to be. This doesn't look like what I wanted it to look like. And that hurts. But where there's pain, there's power. So as you're thinking about this, OK, am I living my dream life? And if not, why? What's off here? Well, just to go along with that, because I know we've heard from a lot of people, and I know we've experienced ourselves, that one of the reasons why we don't do that

Rachel Denning (12:15.995)
is because people are taught or believe that in order to pursue the other thing, it's almost like you have to be ungrateful for your current life, which is partly true, right? And so they think, well, that's wrong. I shouldn't be ungrateful for what I have. I just need to be satisfied. I just need to be content. We're taught that those things are virtues, which they are. But in order for you to actually achieve more,

to do more to pursue your dream, there does have to be this, what we now call divine discontent, where you have to be discontented with what you have. In fact, you also have, one of the things you say is you get what you tolerate. You have to stop tolerating what you have. And that can be very difficult for people. You and I, I believe, have learned how to do that in a healthy way where we can 100 %...

be filled with gratitude for everything we have, at the same time be like, am done tolerating this. I will not put up with this anymore. I am changing it. And that's what gets us the results we want. Too often people aren't willing to do that. They are not making the money they want. They don't have the weight they want. They don't have the results with the kids that they want. And instead of...

They continue to tolerate that instead of not tolerating it anymore so that they can get the results they actually want. Now, this also doesn't have to be that you turn into some sort of tyrant or dictator or unpleasant person to be around. It's more of an inner intolerance, right? You just, within yourself, you're like, no, I will not allow that anymore. I'm not going to tolerate that behavior from myself.

anymore. I'm going to raise the standards. I'm going to improve my way of interacting with my kids. What we want to do is we want to it onto the people though. No, true. you bring that up because you're like, that's it. I'm not I'm going force these people in my life to do things differently. Like, they didn't sign up for that. Right. This is on you. And so what it means is more work. So if I have an inner divine discontent and I say, know, I'm not tall right now anymore, what I've just done is I've committed to more work.

Rachel Denning (14:30.993)
more effort for yourself and I think that's where most people miss it even especially I think in reference to their family their family culture the results they want from their family they think putting in more work means doing more in the family doing more with the family doing more for the family doing more to make the family what they want it to be I think especially moms fall into this but probably dads too I'm sure when really

What it comes down to is you're doing more work on yourself. Starting on the inside. On the inside. Right. It begins on the inside. And so people will often wonder, how do we have the results that we do, especially with our family and with our kids? It's because you and I are doing the work every single day on ourselves.

We work harder on ourselves than we do on anything else. Which is the key to success and happiness. Which is the key to success and happiness in everything that you want, including your family life, including the relationships you want with your children, the outcomes you want with your children. And we don't, that doesn't seem to make sense to us, because we're like, how is working on myself getting better results in my kids? you are then the model. And you gain the skills you need of diplomacy and tact and influence and persuasion.

to be able to have the conversations with them that actually convince them of, you know, how to view certain things or how to make the changes. And the things your kids need most need to come from you. Exactly. And they they can't come from you unless one you have the knowledge within yourself to you. You live it because you teach who you are. And if you don't live the message, you suck as the messenger. Exactly. Right. And three,

you know how to communicate it well to them. Excuse me. One thing I've observed, I want to circle back just a little bit, it's still relevant, is I've noticed in a lot of people and sometimes in myself even that we become complacent and call it contentedness and gratitude. True. And it's very subtle but it is very important. Right. Like if I'm, there's a difference between content and complacent. If you become...

Rachel Denning (16:48.713)
complacent and you just say well no I gotta be grateful and contented right because those are virtues well yeah but you're being complacent and that's not a virtue and and we often think you know well it's it's divine to be content and to be grateful and and it's spiritual it's the higher way I don't have to want more it's in a way it's kind of that's kind of Buddhism of like

release desire that's how you remove suffering. Just disconnect from everything. the end result of that is essentially nihilism. Like nothing matters, nothing you do has any meaning or significance. So why try, why pursue? And I believe that that's the exact opposite of first of all what the Western world is built on and of how to find true happiness. True happiness does not come from removing desire. True happiness comes from pursuing.

your best desires and ultimately achieving the results that you want achieving the results that bring happiness and even even there there's a subtle thing i think the fulfillment and the meaning come in the pursuit not even necessarily achievement right the achievement is what drives pursuit and transformation yeah and the real fulfillment and growth and happiness comes in the transformation as you're becoming something

Because you'll achieve the thing and you'll be like, hey, that was super cool. But that's not it. It's like, wow, man, look who I've become. That's it. Right. And then essentially continuing that process. And so there's definitely a bad side to this or negative side to this because it's the cliche person who's never satisfied. They're always pursuing. They're always going for the next thing. there's also.

a good side to that where you recognize that that's the path to growth and perfection quote unquote and divinity like that is the path to becoming your the very best version of yourself is constantly working on growing it's constantly taking that journey it's never saying I've arrived I'm here I am perfect as I am there's no need for me to work on anything else it's recognizing that

Rachel Denning (19:03.805)
That's an ongoing journey to continue to work on yourself because you're not perfect. You're far from perfect. There's always more improvement to be made. And while many people view that as an exhausting, crushing, overwhelming burden, I really believe that it's actually a liberating, joy-filling pursuit.

that we get to have for, I mean, as long as I can foresee into the future, which is a long time. I think that's part of the secret sauce right there. Yeah. That we figured out how in our minds to settle that place of like, well, I'm on a path of endless development for lifelong growth. And I've had a lot of conversations over the years with people. And when you talk about that, they're just like,

That sounds so exhausting and so overwhelming and they can't wrap their heads around it and it's so big and it seems like such a big thing. They're just tired today. They're like, I'm just trying to survive today. I'm just trying to get to the day. I'm trying to get through the week and here you guys are talking about working on yourself for the next hundred years. Yeah. Doesn't that sound exciting? No. And I understand that because when you're in that space, you're like, just, I want to rest.

I'm just tired, I wanna rest or I wanna vacation. And you've heard people talk about what, the idea essentially is like create a life that you don't need a vacation from. Like we create these lives, it's the unhappy dream and we're like, I just need a vacation to escape from my terrible existence. And I wanna stop and like, wait a minute, why do you have a terrible existence? Now to be totally transparent with you guys,

Like we, there were huge sections of our lives where it was a horrible existence. I would literally get sick to my stomach on Sunday night thinking about going back to work on Monday because I hated the job I had so badly. I mean it was so miserable. Right, so we know what it's like. not. We've been there and it was work that I despised. I wasn't paid enough. I hated the people I worked It was horrible.

Rachel Denning (21:22.183)
Whenever I wasn't there, we had a great time. We were loving it. We were into the kids, into our adventures, all these fun things. were doing so many great we dead broke and on welfare. There were times where we were living the dream and we were dead broke. I was doing, at the time, felt like I was doing all that I could to provide for the family. Really, I was just operating within the bounds of my own ignorance and my limited skills.

I didn't know differently. you didn't know what you didn't know. Exactly. So my ignorance was making me blind. And your limitations. And I was working so hard inside of ignorance. Man, that's an important point. Because you can just grind and grind and grind and just think I'm doing everything I can. Right. Well, I love the analogy that I overheard you give to a coaching client the other day.

Because when we talk about these kind of things, it sounds like we're saying, do more, do more, do more, do more, like nonstop, just do more. what you told him essentially was, I'm trying to teach you how to do these things, but to do them now with a power tool.

So before you're using the hammer and the nail and you're doing one at a time and it's taking forever and you have to More bro more you need more nails you need more construction and we're like, no, here's the power tool use this what's it nail gun use a nail gun and Now you can put in a hundred nails in the time It used to take you to do ten. So you've literally ten next your results with the same amount of effort essentially

Rachel Denning (23:09.799)
I watched some framers one day and these guys were good. They had a system down that was unreal. They put the walls up. The walls were prefabbed. They threw them up and there was maybe five or six guys. They all had guns. you, man, it was just amazing to watch them. They went through and within a very short time, had all the framing up of the walls on the second story of this house. was like, that was awesome, man.

And the efficiency and the amount they got done in short time with very little effort was actually very inspiring. So in essence, that's a framework we want people to understand that we're trying to talk about. We're not saying, yes, perhaps it's lifelong, never-ending improvement. But in a way, you're getting more efficient with the things that you're doing. So you produce more results, which is more satisfying.

So not only are you, you're doing the work, but you're getting more of the results, which makes doing the work worth it. I think where people struggle, and obviously this makes a lot of sense, is when you feel like you're making a lot of effort and seeing nothing for it. You're not seeing any results. That sucks. And that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about doing the things that actually make a difference, that actually get the results so that you feel better. This is another key piece too.

Too many people just don't feel well enough. They feel like they have no energy. They feel lethargic. They feel brain fog. They feel exhausted. When you're in that sort of state, and we were talking about like, yeah, we feel exhausted, but we're putting out huge amounts of energy here. And so yeah, we're still gonna feel tired, but it's totally different. And I've noticed this sometimes when we interact with families around the world. Our family, as far as energy levels go,

We are like another level, you know. We'll be paddle boarding or we'll be kayaking or we'll be walking or hiking or whatever and we're just like, you know, and we've had people even tell us like, we need to go take a break. We need to get some food. like can't, we just can't keep up because the energy level is so intense at times. But that's something we, it's, we're just not naturally born with that. We have trained. I mean, you.

Rachel Denning (25:37.5)
you bring a lot of that, you've trained yourself to do that, to be able to operate at those higher levels of energy. Because that's where I want to operate. That's where I want to live. And I think that's a great point. The exhaustion we experience is after producing insane amounts of energy and having massive outputs. And I would say in our waking hours, if there was one unproductive minute,

Rachel Denning (26:06.535)
I would be surprised. And that sounds insane to say that, but we have gotten to the point where nearly every moment of our life is productive in some way or the other. Another key is that we switch off the activities we're doing, which help us to maintain productivity. So we might take a break, and it looks like we're scrolling on our phone or we're doing whatever, but we're learning a language or we're studying marketing or we're using those rest moments.

to be productive in other ways so that we don't have wasted time, like not even a wasted minute. The way I describe this for coaching clients is that we're either fully engaged or strategically disengaged. Yes, but I think even the distinction there is that the disengagement is a different form of productivity. that's a technique that people, that you can learn to use where say if you're doing a lot of computer work, if you then now go outside and pull weeds,

That's a strategic disengagement from focused computer work, but you're still being productive in that you're pursuing another goal, which we have is to make the World School Family Resort nice and beautiful. Well, and for me specifically, that's an interesting one. It settles the mind. I love pursuing activities where when you're doing it, you really...

don't think about anything else. There's a few things like that where if you're in a lot of mind work. It's a sort of meditation. Yeah you pull away to something else and just pull. I took a course years ago and they call it focused thinking versus diffused thinking and the diffused thinking is where you're again it's just nothing specific it's just whatever thoughts are there and coming in and it's a very relaxed way of thinking and it's critical that you have you alternate between those two types of thinking.

where too many people might spend all their time in diffuse thinking, like not thinking about anything specific, and others who get burnt out especially spend way too much time in focus thinking and that is, that's just not good. That also reduces productivity because you, your brain just can't sustain that long-term focus throughout the whole day. So using techniques like that, we're able to make progress in multiple goals throughout the day.

Rachel Denning (28:25.831)
by switching between focused and diffuse thinking and, you know, whether it's computer activities and business activities to outdoor projects and outdoor pursuits, you know? Well, and connecting with each other. Yeah. So we're working on our marriage every day. And we're connecting with our kids every day. And we're all, the whole family, is working on our education every day. sometimes people will ask us like, they'll ask me, like, should I have lots of goals or one goal?

And generally my advice is that just have a couple of goals that you can focus on because people aren't used to working on multiple goals at a time. I'm glad you brought that up because in our family we work on multiple goals at a time. We have we have a variety of targets and we're pursuing them simultaneously. But the difference I think is that we have those but they're all in different areas. So we've got marriage goals that we're working on.

So when we spend time together, it's not just like, well, babe, let's sit down and watch TV together or something. Not that we may not do that, but it's that we're intentional about our time together to focus on moving our marriage forward. Same with our time with our kids. Same with our time with homeschooling. So all of the different areas of life have different goals and aims that we're pursuing. so when we go, and in my coaching, teach about

time chunking. When I go to that time, you know, where I'm now focusing, so I'll focus on personal time and I'll focus on family time and I'll focus on business time. When I go to that chunk of time, it's not just aimless. It's like, okay, this is the next step during this chunk of time to produce this outcome in this goal that I'm pursuing in this area of life. So it's very specific. It's very strategic. It's not just,

I get up today and just go from thing to thing to thing to thing. out fires, to what's happening. That is also exhausting, but without producing the results that you want. And so then that's where people fail because they're like, well, yeah, I want different results. I want this. I want that. I want whatever thing.

Rachel Denning (30:42.697)
But I'm so busy. But I'm already so busy. I'm already so exhausted. I'm like, yeah, if you learn to be more strategic with your energy, then you could get the results you want. You would feel better about yourself. You would feel better about what you're doing. And you could continue that process again and again to continue getting more and more results. I love this because as I just kind of stop and break it into this particular framework we're talking about, I'm

you and I are easily working on six to 10 goals per day. And it's fun. It's enjoyable. It makes for an excellent life. We take it with us when we go traveling. It moves around with us and it's fulfilling. It's meaningful. It's modeling for our kids. Our kids are doing the same thing. Yeah. Our kids are also, especially our older, I would even say now our 14 year old. Yeah, he's on it. They are all very productive.

And they're chasing things and they might not even articulate it like that. They might not even know because they've just seen this modeled for so long. They're like, well, this is just how we do life. What do you do? They'd be surprised to see what other people are doing because that's how we move. And I know some of you are like, man, that sounds overwhelming. how do you keep track of it all? And I'm just trying to make it through the day. And I guess that's one of our points is like.

Stop waking up to try to make it through the day is that your target is to make it through the day your target is to survive No way get up and have some targets and deliberately move progressively through the day because you're gonna love it and And you're love the journey of it. You're gonna love the process so we get up we work out crazy hard We're in great shape. We're very healthy and we work out super hard and people are like, well, man, why do you need? You're healthy and fit like white

Why are you working out so hard? And in fact, another guest was here and I told him that I was still doing intermittent fasting and they're like, bro, you're shredded. Why are you doing intermittent fasting? That's why I am. That's why you can see my serratus anterior, bro, because I'm working on it. And the idea was like, you don't need to do that anymore, man. don't need to fast. You look great. But that's.

Rachel Denning (33:03.239)
That's the point. And it's overall health. We're pursuing those things. And so do I always feel like working out hard? Nope. I often get in the gym like, man, I don't feel like working out. And then I get working out and I'm still, I'm still wrestling often in my mind through the workouts. Like I need to push harder. I don't feel like pushing harder. I'm tired and sore. I don't want to do this. But then I always think, and maybe this is one of the key takeaways today for those of you listening. I read this quote.

I probably 17 when I found it and it just said the chief cause of failure and unhappiness in life is giving up what you want most for what you want in the moment. Which is one of the most profound and most important ideas that I've ever come across and I just embraced it. I adopted it. The chief cause of failure and unhappiness in life is giving up what you want most for what you want in the moment and I think that's where most of us are failing.

Well, I've heard you say it a different way. I'm probably going to get this quote wrong, actually, because you say something about most people are interested in pleasing methods, but you're interested in pleasing results. Like, you want the results, where most people are focusing on like, I don't feel like this, or this doesn't feel good, or it's so much effort. And so they don't do it. then, of course, the method is uncomfortable. Yeah, the method's uncomfortable. And so then, of course, well, they don't have the results.

Because they're not willing to go through the discomfort of doing the thing that gets the results. And yeah, I mean that is a major difference. We're willing to push through discomfort to do the work that brings the results. Now, going back to something you mentioned before about where like, yeah, it just seems so exhausting. seems so, how do you keep track of it all? How do you stay on top of it? How do you stay motivated?

energized and to be honest like we have not been at this level our entire lives or married lives like like we mentioned before you know we've we've been there we've struggled we've been broke we've been unproductive we've been lost and confused and not getting the results we want we've been there and there definitely is this process of training yourself to remember that you have goals right and to remember

Rachel Denning (35:28.745)
to work on them and to remember to be more productive and to not get distracted on YouTube or Facebook for hours. There's all of these things that, like it takes time to implement all of the pieces of the puzzle to say, so to say, so that you can get to this level of productivity. I gotta pause it. That's why coaching from, well, not just any coaching.

there's a lot of coaches out there which we talked about diddly squatted out. There are so many fraudulent coaches out there. They so incompetent. They don't have the results. They think coaching is a career. It's like I'll do that. That sounds cool. It's like no real coaching real life coaching from people who have the results you want that's where it's powerful because you can collapse time. Right. So the reason it took us so long to create the changes is because we didn't have coaches. We have mentors.

We're trying to figure this out. Read a few books. How in the world do you make this happen? And we figure it out. So now in our coaching, the coaching that you do and the coaching that I do, that's what we do. Well, even like your 90 day fitness challenge, it's starting. Right. I'm taking 27 years or more of fitness and health study and my own experimentation. And this is what's cool. Like I was the guy that like, no, I got to have a gym membership at the best gym with

all the equipment, all the stuff and things, and that's how I can stay in great shape. And then we got this crazy idea to go wander the earth with our kids. No gym membership. And I get out there and I'm like, there's no gyms here because there's nothing here. I mean, we're out in the middle of nowhere. And at first I was like, there goes my fitness. And I thought I had to sacrifice my health and fitness for our family dream. So I mentally remember like, well, I guess I'll set that aside. There go my muscles.

I'm gonna live in atrophy now because I'm spending time with my family. And then I started, know, one day I was like, man, forget that crap. That's stupid. Like, and so instead of making a declarative statement of like, I have to give it up, I just started asking questions. Like, wait a minute, how could I stay in great shape even without a gym? Like I'm traveling anywhere in the world. I have no idea what kind of equipment I'm gonna have. If any, how can I stay in great shape?

Rachel Denning (37:47.593)
and I figured it out. And they're like, man, we're traveling from country to country to country, sometimes in the middle of nowhere, sometimes in a big city. How can I make sure we eat healthy food? We're just gonna have to eat whatever's available. And that was our thing at first, and I'm like, no.

I'm not playing that game either. And so over all these years, we figured out and absolutely dialed in family health and fitness. And I'm giving it all to them in the course. Because we have been able to maintain that. And I think that this is another good example of what we're talking about here. We didn't allow our circumstances to become an excuse of why we now couldn't have XYZ outcome. You still wanted fantastic fitness. I am not that fit.

but I have great health and I've maintained thinness, right, my form. And we did it through being very, it didn't just happen by accident, that's what I'm saying. Being very, very strategic. We were very, very strategic about what we ate, specifically that. And I think that's another thing I wanna emphasize because also in this challenge, it's not, the fitness piece is there for everybody who wants it, but it's,

overall about maintaining long-term health and your your individual idealized body weight Because there doesn't have to be an excuse you know there doesn't have to be any reason why we can't be in our ideal body weight because that is possible with simple things that we've even been able to do in 57 countries on five continents, you know for 27 years or whatever it's been

So our entire married life, I've been able to see my abdominal muscles. And that's for me, I'm pushing, close to, I don't know, where I'm at. Somewhere over 60 countries now. this isn't like little quick visits, you guys. This is extensive travel all over the world. And to have that variety of food and that variety of access to fitness stuff, like we figured it out. And so I'm sharing that, all of it.

Rachel Denning (39:57.725)
the food stuff and the fitness stuff. So it's totally doable and it's actually way easier now because I'm giving you the tools and leverage. Right. And so the point is that if you don't have the results that you want in your life, if it's in fitness, if it's in parenting, if it's in marriage, the thing that we have learned is that the answers are out there. There are ways to get the results that you want, but you have to be intentional.

You have to be motivated enough. sometimes that's just like you, there's two major ways to get motivation. And I think Tony Robbins teaches this powerfully. But I've seen it in all, know, psychology, basic psychology teaches this. Where if you focus on one, the thing you really want, so envisioning that outcome of what it is you want, whether that's with your kids or your marriage or your health and fitness or whatever, your finances.

And then the other side is also allowing yourself to feel the pain, like really, really, really feel the pain of what happens if you don't do the thing. If you continue on the path that you are on, what's gonna happen? What is going to be that outcome? And you and I, think, have gotten really good at that. Where we can see, and in fact it's...

I think it's key to our parenting strategies as well. think it's key to why we've been so successful as parents is because we are able to clearly see the long-term outcomes of certain actions and behaviors, and we intervene quickly. Not in a helicopter parenting sort of way. That's not what we're talking about. Because we're also really great at allowing our children to experience natural consequences, right? And to make mistakes, which is key to...

their development and for them to develop their own responsibility. But to be able to intervene in the types of things that are gonna have major consequences or major, you know, resulting in behavioral issues or mental health issues or physical issues, like we will quickly intervene, but using the skills of diplomacy and tact and persuasion and influence to convince that, and here's the other key.

Rachel Denning (42:19.717)
We convince them?

in a way that they essentially convince themselves. Well, and that's I was gonna go, is like, we're always putting it back like, well, who do you wanna be? What kind of life do you wanna live? we're very tactfully having them take ownership. Right. So that we don't always have to be there, because we're not always gonna be there. Right. Like, this isn't you, buddy. Yeah, so when I say convincing, it's not like I'm pressuring them or forcing them. I'm using persuasion to have this conversation, this debate of saying, well, what is the long-term outcome of that? And what is it that you want?

Okay, how are you going to get that so they really it's almost like it's their idea exactly because they're like yeah This is what I want. Yeah, that's what I've got to do. They own that so an entire episode just on that aspect of parenting because When we try to parent by trying to force or convince in the you know the way you're saying I'm trying to force this into the heads or or I'm trying to get them to do what I want them to do

It's always going to fail. It is always going to fail. It takes so much work. It's so exhausting and it fails. You're like, I did everything I could and it didn't turn out like, yeah. You were using a methodology that's just a crap sandwich. But if you can just gently persuade your children to take ownership of their own choices, then they make good choices whether you're there or not.

Because they own that. They own the vision they have of themselves and they own the actions that get them there. It's theirs. It's no longer your thing that you're trying to push on them or convince them of. They own it and it belongs to them. And that's where the real power is because you're right, they just make their own choices of their own free will because that's what they want. They're like, yeah, I want to be that kind of person. So OK. So basically, I think there are six major categories. Physical.

Rachel Denning (44:12.645)
mental, emotional, spiritual, social, financial. And I want you to just take a moment and just kind of go through each of those and it'd be great to just pause this and do some writing or do it later on. Do it yourself, do it with your spouse, maybe even do it with your older kids. But really just kind of walk through your life and be like what and I think the easiest place to start is what I don't want. That's where we started, that's where I started. Yeah. often you're like what do you want and I'll ask clients I'm like what is it you want most? Like honestly I don't know.

What do want this to look like? do you, five years from now, three years from now, 10 years, 20 years from now, what do you want? They're like, I don't know. What's your dream? What's your goal? I don't know. That's the most common answer I get. I saw people in a grocery line, they're like, hey man, what are your life dreams? I don't know. Like, this, and the common answer I get, retirement someday? mean, that's all they can think of. Like, come up with, I guess I'll retire. So, get Which for some people is a dream. Like, they're not even sure if that's gonna be possible. Well, because they hate their life.

Like if you hate your life and you hate your work, then all you can think about is Friday when you're done with your work week and then retirement someday. Like I just can't wait until I'm done. I don't have to do this anymore. That sucks. If I had to live a life that I was just longing to be over. Yes. That's terrible. Agreed. I also mean though many people aren't even sure if they'll be able to save the money or have enough money to be able to actually try to retire to then do the thing they supposedly want to be doing.

Okay that even seems like pipe dream into those dreams. That fits into those things I'm talking about. Financially that's a part of it. But also like socially and like what do you want it be like? What do you want to own? What do you want to have? So start going through this stuff. Start with what you don't want. Well okay because you mentioned that and

First of all, this is a process we've done again and again and again. It's not like something you do once and that's it. Like it's an ongoing thing where you're constantly, and I love to do it at least once a year, sometimes even more, like what do I want? But very often we know we can get to what we want by starting with what we don't want because many people, that's an easy question to answer, which then interestingly ties into what we were talking about before where people,

Rachel Denning (46:24.713)
feel like, I need to be contented and grateful. But they still know what it is they don't like about their life. That's where it always goes. if might not bring it up because it feels like they're complaining or whatever, you need to bring it up. You need to talk about what it is you don't like about your life. What don't you like about your marriage? What don't you like about your kids? What don't you like about the relationships you have? What don't you like about your finances? Get specific about those things.

and actually write them down and think about them because then that's where you can now move into this space of, how could I put an end to this? Or how could I get a different result? Or how could I change this? And it's so powerful. That process, in my experience of all the people I work with, that process comes quickly. You say, OK, what don't you want physically? I did this with a guy.

Recently and I said, you know, what is it you want physically? I don't know. I'm like, what don't you want? And it was immediate. He said, I do not want to be fat and weak. Like, boom. Yeah. OK, write that down. That's great. I do not want to be fat and weak. What else? And they're like, I don't want to be like.

old and inflexible and invalid, right? Just can't do anything. Great, fantastic. And so we started on that process and then once you get clear about what you don't want, it's much easier to get clear about what Well, helps you then identify what it is you do want because then you can switch that and you can say, okay, I want to be strong and lean. And now you have an actual target, right? Because one, you know, if we really want to get into the specifics of all of this,

that if you constantly focus on what it is you don't want, you actually, in a way, attract more of what you don't want, right? And so it can be tricky. It's a great starting point, but you can't stay there. You have to switch to what it is you actually do want because then you focus. Because people that are constantly focusing on, I don't want this, I don't want this, I don't want this, they actually continue to have that, which is a weird metaphysical.

Rachel Denning (48:33.533)
thing about how our brain works, you know, it's metaphysics, it's biology, it's manifestation, the law of attraction, it's all of those things. And so they continue to have more of what they don't want. So when you switch it by writing down what it is you don't want, but then switching it to what it is you do want, and then you continue to focus on that, that's how you actually bring that into your life, by focusing on the thing you do want. I want to be thin and strong. Here's a little mental hack I realized I've used.

I'll use what I don't want as a motivator for what I do want when I'm uninterested in the method. back to the Tony Robbins psychology thing of like, you've got to know. He got that from Charles Dickens and Dickens got it from before right. it's been around for long old thing, that's why. It's like basic psychology in a way. But it's essentially those two pieces still. Knowing what you do want and being specific, which you can get from knowing what you don't want.

And yeah, it's not like you want to forget about that. It can be very motivating. Because it needs to be it depends on person. Some people are more motivated by the pursuit of pleasure and others are motivated by the avoidance of pain. for me particularly, I guess I like both, but remembering the pain, the painful outcome, like all I have to think about is like, hey man, if I don't keep striving to be my best self, I'm going to live a mediocre life. And to me that is appalling. It's terrifying. unacceptable.

Yeah, is. People are like, what's your worst fear? I'm like living a mediocre existence. That's pathetic. And it's unacceptable. I won't do it. And so knowing that, like, I will not live a mediocre existence. There it is. That's what I don't want. What do you want? I want to live an extraordinary life. What does that look like? So I start detailing it out. And then I start piecing together the formula. And we get into this is what we do in our coaching. It's why we have our programs, why I have a tribe, why you have your challenge for.

moms especially for the extraordinary family life but today's episode is is really asking the hard question of like well if you want that why don't you have it why don't you and please do this please ask the hard question look yourself in the mirror literally or figuratively and say why don't I have what I actually want why isn't my marriage where I want it to be why isn't my body in the condition that I want it to be

Rachel Denning (50:57.767)
Why aren't my kids and my relationship with them, why isn't that where it needs to be or I want it to be? Why aren't my finances? life an unhappy dream? Yes. Why do I feel like I have to escape from either into my phone or into Netflix or on a vacation or in meditation? Like if you have to meditate to escape from your unhappy dream, like don't get more into meditation. Get into fixing your unhappy dream. Right. Gosh. Stop tolerating that.

Why ask that? Well, like, why have you been tolerating that? Why have you been accepting that? And what's going to come up, ladies and gentlemen, are some very uncomfortable answers. It's there's going to be a little pain here, which is good. You're to have to face some realities. You're going to have to look, look into the abyss that that you talked about a little bit here and realize I created this. I've tolerated this. I settled for this. Or you just say, well, why don't you have that?

it takes a lot of work and and and then you're like why why aren't you doing the work and you might you know in one instance you'll be like I've been lazy and that's it that's a punch in the gut like wait a minute I'm exchanging what I want most for my laziness that's a horrible exchange rate just in case you're wondering

home you're like no I like the laziness it's so cozy and comfortable but you're giving up what you want most well and because that's true there is a level of truth to that you know we as human beings we like comfort and we like luxury I believe it's there on purpose it's a force that has driven human progression you know without a desire for comfort and luxury we'd still be living in caves and

cooking over fires. For the men not for the women. Right? So this drive for comfort and luxury besides the fact that I actually think it's a survival thing. Like if we didn't seek out comfort and luxury we could easily die. And we could argue that's a divine thing as well. Yeah that too. We want things to be... Yeah if you think about heaven as being this perfect

Rachel Denning (53:21.609)
place to live or to exist, know, heaven is not a hole in the rock, right? It's a form of, in a way, luxury and comfort, right? So it is divine, it is biological, but there is a dangerous side to it because, and especially nowadays, I think in earlier times it was easier because laziness literally was life-threatening. If you didn't go out and work, if you didn't go out and

plant your crops, you were likely to starve in the winter time. So you had to plan ahead. You had to have these goals that you were working on to keep you alive. And now you can weigh 300 pounds and sit around doing video games and you don't die. Yeah, you're not going to die because you have Uber and you know, whatever. You can make money by people watching you play video games on YouTube. So it's a crazy world we live in where things are...

Confused and messed up, but I think that's also another reason well I don't just think this is a fact in my mind That's another reason why there's such a mental health crisis because humans aren't meant to exist this way We're not meant despite the fact that we like it. We're not meant to exist in non-stop comfort and luxury And that's why we have to Go back to what we've been talking about We have to be willing to put in the effort because if we don't put in the effort ourselves

the effort will be forced upon us at some point. a very real way, effort keeps the human psyche healthy. Yeah, it totally does. And so if you... Besides the fact that, sorry, besides the fact that I think it also prevents tragedy and disaster. so strain and struggle, ideally chosen, but if not chosen, forced upon us, like you said. Right. It'll come one way or the other.

So choose strain, choose struggle, choose effort, and it'll keep you and your family healthy mentally, emotionally, physically, socially. Chase the challenge. And I have to mention this because I think that this is another key ingredient that...

Rachel Denning (55:40.329)
One of the reasons our family enjoys such a great life because people are like, we're just lucky and you don't have these health problems You don't have these challenges and you don't have depression you're dealing with or blah blah all these other things, you know, because our family is very healthy we Rarely if ever go to the doctor or the hospital we don't take any medications so our entire family nine children nine people nine people

Seven children, nine people, none of us take any medications. I think that's actually a big deal nowadays because from what I hear, lots of people are taking medications. And we have people with ADHD, know, so it's not like, you're just lucky, know, and your family has things. No, we have those things. But the point is, because of our lifestyle... did an episode on ADHD, it's not actually a thing. but whatever.

That's another topic, but because of our lifestyle and the way we live life by daily choosing challenge Because we're choosing the challenge it automatically Because I just think this is the way it's designed evolutionarily Divinely it keeps at bay those other trials and tribulations, right? we have to deal with

the sicknesses, the illnesses, the mental illness, the depression, because we are choosing challenge, which keeps us healthy, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, it's building those muscles rather than having problems because of emotional and mental atrophy or spiritual atrophy. It really is like this preventative medicine. So I'm going to be lovingly, but.

Honestly blunt and frank here because I haven't been yet. I've it. You know, I just gotta I gotta ratchet it up a little bit. Warning. I've seen it too many times where people acknowledge they have results they're not happy with. They've had outcomes that honestly are unacceptable.

Rachel Denning (57:59.847)
By their own standards. Not by you. This isn't Greg Jennings saying your outcomes are unacceptable. is a person admitting like yeah I shouldn't be themselves if nobody else. I shouldn't be this broke. I shouldn't treat my spouse that way. I shouldn't treat my kids like I shouldn't be doing this. And they acknowledge that. They know it. To themselves if no one else. And then this is where it's critical and just baffles me.

Then they keep doing what they've been doing. They're like, yeah, I gotta stop eating this garbage. It's killing me. And then they eat it. And they say to themselves, you know what? No, I gotta stop sleeping in. I gotta get up early and go for a run. And the next morning, what do they do? They hit the snooze button and then go back to bed. And they don't do it. And allow me this for a minute.

Rachel Denning (59:02.149)
And again, lovingly, but firmly in your face and stop doing that crap. Like for you, for your family, for your dreams, for God, stop that crap. Like if you know there's something that's preventing you from being the best version of yourself or even just a better version, stop it. Just stop.

And now your mind kind of freaks out. It's like, so hard. Or you don't get it. You don't know how hard it is. Of course I know how hard it is. Because I struggle with it too. You struggle with it too. I think it's part of the human experience. But that's part of the point. Like struggle with those things. Fight with them. Be stronger than your little obstacles. Well, and the challenge is, because I do understand that...

it does feel very hard because it's kind of like you're going downstream with the current and then you're saying turn around, go upstream, start swimming. You're like that's a lot of effort, you know? But what we're trying to say here is yes, while it does seem like a lot of effort and it does take effort, but I'm not trying to discount that. It does take effort. The point is there are ways to make it

easier. There are ways to find, like maybe you don't swim upstream. You literally get out and walk on the path. You don't have to swim. You know what I'm saying? There's other ways around it, but you have to be willing to recognize that if you know, and I think that this is the key perhaps to successful living in general, if you know there's something about yourself that you need to change and then you make efforts, even baby efforts, baby steps where

I know you're not a baby step guy, but I'm saying even if you make baby steps towards changing, you will feel better about yourself just in that little 100%. That little small way. And as you continue to do that step by step by step heading in the right direction, you will continue to feel better about yourself. And that just grows and it spirals upwards. But it's when we know we should change something about ourselves and then we don't.

Rachel Denning (01:01:23.739)
and we don't and we don't that's when we feel worse and worse and worse like garbage and what's interesting then people will be like you're shaming me you're making me feel guilty I feel horrible I hate myself and like wait a minute that's it's self-sabotage I don't like myself when I when I'm doing unlikable things unlikable things according to your own definition right because to me that is really where

shame and guilt come from. It's not external. It's within ourselves and when we know we're not living up to our own inner version of our best self, that's when we feel shame and guilt. As soon as we turn around and head in a different direction, the right direction according to our own moral compass, our own inner knowing, we begin feeling better about ourselves. to like ourselves more. start to respect ourselves And the more we do that, again,

Like I said, it just starts to spiral upward. So the real key here to making those changes is when you feel that inner knowing, when you admit to yourself that, hey, there's this thing that I need to change. There's this thing I need to stop doing. You have to start using your own intuition. You have to start practicing that by just saying, OK, what do I do? What's the one small step I could take now to change that? And it may just be Or the one giant leap. Right.

whatever it is you feel like is the thing that you... I love how Jordan Peterson says it. He says, what is the thing that you know you should do and that you will do? Because there's things you know you should do, but you're like, I can't even touch that. That's so far away. What's the thing you know you should do and that you will do it? And that might be as simple as something like, I'm going to throw away these Oreos. We love to pick on Oreos, don't we, babe? I'm going to just...

go over right now and apologize to my spouse or I'm gonna go tell my kid I love them. It's just the one little thing that you know you can, you should do and you can do right now. And it feels good, you like yourself and it starts creating better results. Exactly and then you just do that. Again and again and again. after day. That's really all it comes down to. I mean if there's anything that we've done that's it.

Rachel Denning (01:03:44.945)
It's just moment after moment saying, is the one thing I can do that I should do that I will do right now to move me one step closer to this outcome that I want or one step away from this outcome I don't want. And I know what like totally transformed our lives is when we just said kind of, okay, I'll hold off. Like what has to be done here? What do we have to do? What price do we have to pay? And we had to invest.

We had to invest money that we didn't have. We had to make efforts and commitments that we didn't know if we could keep or not. We had to put some skin in the game. And it kills me, I'm doing this introductory offer. This is the only time it'll be at this price. It's 700 bucks. I so crazy For your 90 day challenge. the 90 day food and fitness challenge. It's 700 bucks, I mean, it's nothing. And people will look at me like, ugh, I'm not spending 700 bucks.

And my, you know, the highest probability is that 90 days from now, you'll be in the same condition you're in or worse. I mean, that's just how things play out. like, no, stop, man. Like make the investment. You sometimes people reach out to me like, I need personal coaching or I want to join your tribe. I'm like, Hey, there's, there's a cost to it for a reason. And it's, it's, it's worth way, way more than it costs.

If you're like, I'll just figure it out on my own. And then they don't. Well, OK, right. So the point is here that people will use whatever excuses. They'll have an idea or an inspiration, or they'll know that something could help them. But they'll often let things like money stop them, or the effort required, or the discomfort of having that conversation. And what you're trying to say essentially is there's a price tag. Yeah, on everything.

On everything, there is a price tag. In fact, we learned this early on. Because I've even heard people say things like, why don't you just give your programs away for free? Not to us specifically. I mean, a couple people have. But it's a thing that's out there of like, if you really were trying to help people, you would just give away products for free. And the truth about human psychology is like, no. People who pay, pay attention. when you have skin in the game, money in the game,

Rachel Denning (01:06:07.249)
you actually value information more and you're willing to do more about it. that's why. more likely to follow through. Yeah. And that's why it often, you know, the changes, I'm talking, I talked about baby steps and those are important, but there is definitely somewhere on that path once you turn around and start making, you know, heading in the wrong, right direction. At some point, there is going to be some sort of cost like that. It might be mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, financial.

there will be a price tag. I remember early on, you you and I kind of have a similar story with this. It's a silly little story, but I think it's important. I was changing my life because I was a partier and I was drinking and doing all kinds of things. And then I knew I wanted to have a family and I wanted to have children and be happily married. Like I wanted those things. And so one of the things I did is I, this was back in the day when you had CDs, right? Anyone knows.

Those are anymore. And you had to buy every one. They were like 12 to 20 dollars each for each CD. And I had like a hundred of them in my big CD pack. And I just, I threw them all in the garbage. I literally just threw them away. Because somehow I knew, you know, I don't know how I knew this, being 19 years old, but I knew that throwing away that music, I think especially because music is very powerful and it connects you to people and places and things.

So having that music which connected me to my old life that I was trying to give up, I knew throwing it away and getting rid of it all would help me stay with my commitment to changing my life and to getting now the future outcomes that I wanted. It was a sacrifice financially as well because I had invested all that money in it and you had done something similar. I found out later. was just thinking.

I think we must have done that within several months. Yeah, that's really interesting. It the same time period. Right. I did the same thing. Before we knew each other. Massive stack of CDs. I took them to the dumpster. I was like this old way. The old me is going in the trash can. Right. Exactly. And so that I'm sharing that as an example of that. Yeah, there are sacrifices you're going to have to make to become the new you to move forward towards what you actually want.

Rachel Denning (01:08:30.961)
you are going to have to make sacrifices. Now I can start with the baby steps for sure, but as you continue progressing, and it will get easier. Like I don't remember that being a difficult thing for me. I just knew like, yep, this is what I'm gonna do. And I just went out and I did it and I threw it away and I just was like, yeah, that's it. That's what I needed. It's like, you'll know you have that inner knowing of what you need. And ultimately that's the key. Yes, coaching is powerful. You need coaching.

But it's all in the name of helping you to develop your own intuition so that you can listen to the things you need to make the most progress on your unique path. I think it's an important distinction. That's what I do in my coaching. I just ask them what they know they need. And then where the power comes in is giving them the tools and the accountability to actually follow through and make it happen. Because that's where we can all say, well, I'm just going to do this on my own. I'm going to save the money.

or whatever, do it my own. And ends up, so many things, so many transformations are way harder than they need to be. And slower than they Way slower than they need to be. And it's worth going back to the power tools and the nail gun. It's worth investing in the power tools to save time and effort. Right. Because then you get the results and you keep progressing upward towards the best version of yourself. Well, I think that's another huge benefit with the coaching is because you have someone there, because people...

think by speaking. Like when you can speak with someone that's a great form of thinking through and solving problems. And so having a coach to talk to to think through the problems is huge for problem solving and moving ahead. Because most people get stuck and they don't know what to do and they never talk to anyone about it who can actually help them. That's also a big difference. And so they never come up with a solution that helps them move ahead. And even with your 90 day challenge, because you know that, part of the plan is

You meet with them every single week in a group so that they can talk, because you already know, they're gonna come up against obstacles and challenges and roadblocks. How do you move through them? Well, you talk through it with someone who knows the path and can give you advice and help you find your solutions and know what the next step for you to take will be. Yep, this stuff's so powerful. I love it. hopefully you guys, as we've talked to,

Rachel Denning (01:10:55.177)
talked through and thought about lots of different aspects here the goal is for each of us to live our own unique dream life to live a life that we absolutely love that at the end of day you're laying down just filled with gratitude for your life and then the next morning you wake up early to an opportunity clock like yes

I don't even wake up to an alarm That's how amazing my life is. I never have to wake up to an alarm clock. I hate alarm clocks. You just get up and be Jess, I have another day of life. If you're not in that condition right now, our invitation and challenge even, is you design and create your ideal life. Well, and like we talked about, this episode is about identifying why you're not there. What is holding you back? What are the things about your life that you still don't like?

And instead of just acquiescing to that. Stop making excuses for them. And making excuses for it and being quote unquote content with it, our viewpoint here, our challenge is that you actually find more happiness in life by refusing to be content with the circumstances you don't like. And that seems counterintuitive, you know, that like, we're just supposed to accept things and be happy with them. No, you're not supposed to do that.

You find more joy, more happiness, more purpose, more meaning in life by refusing to tolerate and settle for the things you don't like about your life. That's crazy, but it's true. So true. Amen.

I just want to applause. I'm give you standing ovation and a big kiss. That was awesome. OK, love you guys. Thanks for listening. Reach upward.