April 9, 2025

#307 Things You MUST Do if You Want Your Kids to Have an EXTRAORDINARY Education

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In this second part of a two-episode series, we tackle a question from a busy mom and businesswoman who is juggling homeschooling, career, and family life. Overwhelmed by the challenge of providing an exceptional education for her children, she seeks a balanced approach to foster both their academic growth and social development. In this episode, we explore the principles behind self-directed learning, emphasizing its power to help children take control of their education. We discuss how to create an environment that nurtures curiosity, independence, and a love for learning. With practical strategies and insights from our own experience, we offer guidance on cultivating motivated, self-disciplined learners who are passionate about exploring their interests. If you want to empower your children to thrive without the pressure of traditional schooling, this episode is a must-listen.

Are you feeling overwhelmed by the idea of providing an exceptional education for your children? Do you want to foster a love of learning while preparing them for a future filled with curiosity and independence?

In this second part of a two-part episode, we address a question from a listener—a successful businesswoman and mom of four—who is struggling to balance her career, homeschooling aspirations, and being the most present mom she can be. She’s driven and accomplished, but overwhelmed, seeking a way to provide her children with an extraordinary education while maintaining her own well-being and their social development.

In this episode, we dive deep into the key principles that must be a part of your educational approach if you want your kids to experience a truly extraordinary education.

We discuss the power of self-directed learning and how it can unlock your children's potential to take charge of their own educational journey.

Education is not just about textbooks and tests—it's about developing a mindset that allows children to thrive, learn how to think for themselves, and pursue knowledge passionately.

In this conversation, we share the practical strategies that we have implemented in our own family to cultivate a love for learning, from embracing meaningful conversations to giving children the tools to explore their interests and goals.

We also explore the importance of creating an environment where children feel free to explore their passions without the pressure of traditional schooling systems. If you want to raise kids who are motivated, self-disciplined, and truly excited to learn, this episode is for you.

Key Takeaways:

✅ Self-directed learning empowers kids to take ownership of their education.

✅ A flexible, interest-driven approach promotes intrinsic motivation and curiosity.

✅ Early emotional development plays a crucial role in academic success.

✅ Creating an environment for deep, meaningful conversations builds confidence.

✅ The key to a balanced education is cultivating a love for learning, not just mastery of facts.

✅ Intentional family dynamics and lifestyle habits impact children's long-term success.

If you haven’t watched part of of this two-part episode, watch it here: ⁠https://yt.openinapp.co/EFL306⁠

Chapters

00:00 Welcome to Extraordinary Family Life

02:53 Embracing Challenges in Family Life

05:28 The Ready, Fire, Aim Approach

08:27 The Importance of Intentional Living

11:04 Exploring Homeschooling Options

13:51 The Role of Parents in Education

16:38 Extraordinary Education Through World Schooling

19:38 The Limitations of Public Schooling

22:28 The Need for Self-Directed Learning

25:21 Experiential Learning and Travel

27:59 The Impact of Environment on Learning

31:00 Navigating Social Experiences for Kids

33:46 Conclusion About 'Real' Socialization

39:54 The Transformative Power of Modern Education

45:17 Leveraging Online Resources for Homeschooling

48:18 Balancing Personal Time and Homeschooling

52:32 Quality Time vs. Quantity Time in Education

57:12 Redefining Social Skills Beyond School

01:01:55 Overcoming Personal Limitations as a Parent

01:06:50 Embracing the Journey through Deschooling

01:13:10 The Importance of Following Interests in Learning

RESOURCES:

Let us help you in your extraordinary family life journey.

Rachel’s ⁠⁠Must-Read Booklist for Well-Read Moms⁠⁠
Greg's ⁠⁠Recommended Reading List for Parents & Youth⁠⁠
Follow us on Instagram: ⁠@worldschoolfamily⁠ or ⁠@greg.denning⁠
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Join the ⁠⁠28-Day Challenge⁠⁠ for Moms
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0:00

Living an extraordinary family life still comes with challenges.

Every obstacle is an opportunity.

0:05

Otherwise, ordinary methods produce ordinary outcome.

Overwhelming stress is all about strategy.

0:10

Homeschooling them is going to produce something a little bit more extraordinary.

I would boldly declare that that is the only method that will produce the results you want.

0:19

Education is not the feeling of a bucket, but the lighting of a fire.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Extraordinary Family Life podcasts.

0:27

We're your host, Greg and Rachel Denning, bringing you the goods, all the goods that you need to

create and live your extraordinary family life, whatever that looks like for you.

0:37

Man, we live for this stuff.

I love it.

0:39

I think about it all the time, obsess about it.

How to help you create, design, live and enjoy class, marriage, phenomenal relationship with your

0:49

kids, credible family legacy, epic dreams even in the midst of trials and trouble and tribulation

and difficulty.

1:00

On the world stage or just in your family?

Both because it's happening on the world stage right now and it's happening in our family right now.

0:00

We're just facing some challenges and difficulties and in the midst of it feel like he got punched

1:13

in the gut and kicked in the nuts and still think, man, life's still good.

And we have all the things that really matter, right?

1:22

Even when we're facing challenges.

And I hate to burst your bubble here, but I'd rather tell you then you'd be surprised by it.

1:29

When you chase big dreams, your your dumb goals demanding unrealistic meanings will embold you will

face some big obstacles and things will not always work out.

1:41

Well, and.

Or easily.

1:43

They work.

I think they work out if you make them work out.

1:46

But yeah, it's not always easy.

I was going to say, or I was thinking you were going to say, hey, I don't want to first your bubble,

1:54

but living an extraordinary family life still comes with challenges.

And that's something that at least when I started pursuing an extraordinary life, I somehow thought

2:05

it meant, oh, you'd reached this point where everything was perfect, no more problems.

And that's of course not realistic at all, because.

2:13

Actually delusional.

It's a very delusional exactly so that the point is not to eliminate problems, but the point is to

2:20

learn how to live in a way that the problems are worth it because they bring you more of the things

you want and joy and then love and appreciate.

2:32

And that's just the nature of, I guess, growth and development and pursuit.

The, you know, like we've always said, the obstacle is the way, the problems are how you become more

2:42

extraordinary and it's how you achieve everything you actually want.

So problems are opportunities.

2:46

It's not problem.

And every obstacle is an opportunity.

2:49

And, and I guess, yeah, it was, it was quite naive of us and, and kind of ignorant to think.

And I think a lot of people think like this, like, oh, if I become really healthy and really

2:58

wealthy, then.

I won't have any.

3:01

Problems.

I won't have any problem.

3:03

And and that's just not true.

Life has problems.

3:07

Nobody's getting through life without problems.

So the point is then, and and that's not just like, oh, great, settle into this horrible existence.

3:15

Life sucks and then you die.

It's like, well, you're going to have problems.

3:18

So let's choose our problems.

And you know, you put in, you put in the work up front.

3:22

And so you just have different problems and, and I would say better problems.

I'd rather choose my problems by chasing big challenges than just have problems inflicted upon you

3:33

because of poor health or poverty or horrible relationships.

Like yeah, it's just let, let let's choose the the better the upper level of problem.

3:45

And that is the major difference, I think, because when you are living, living intentionally, when

you're pursuing extraordinary, we're saying, oh, you still have problems.

3:53

But the difference is it's not problems that are inflicted upon you.

It's problems you've chosen like, and really that's where we're at.

4:00

Like we've chosen the problems we have because of what we are pursuing.

And that's what that's the biggest difference that makes it, at least in my mind, more worthwhile

4:11

and more bearable because you're like, I chose this.

And and I was going to say our philosophy, but I'll, I'll own it.

4:18

My philosophy has always been ready, fire aim.

Rachel's just kind of come along, sometimes willingly, sometimes grudgingly.

4:25

Unavoidable.

Exactly.

4:28

And so we just full send on all of it.

And, and sometimes you jump out and you're like, man, I have to make a parachute on the way down

4:36

here and I've got a timeline and a deadline.

Literally, or, you know, whatever, you, you, you try something, you go big.

4:43

And we've taught, I've taught this for years like that we ought to be pursuing goals and targets

that are currently beyond, beyond our current capabilities.

4:53

Because otherwise, otherwise you stay stuck, right?

If, if your targets are bigger than you currently are, then you're always going to be operating

4:59

within your current level.

And you literally condemn yourself to that level of life.

5:02

In order to level up, you have to purposely try to do something that's beyond your current

capabilities.

5:09

And of course, when you try to do things that are beyond your capabilities, you.

Realize how incapable.

5:15

Yes, you do.

And there are consequences.

5:17

So we're constantly chasing big dreams and doing big things.

We're we're, as they say, biting off more than we can chew.

5:24

And so occasionally we have a mouthful and we feel like we're gagging and drowning.

Well, I think the perfect analogy for this is actually our sheep.

5:32

Because Greg again ready for aim, he bought the sheep and then had to build the fence.

Again and again and.

5:41

Over months because the sheep kept figuring out all of the weaknesses, mostly.

Fence doped Well, it was definitely the ghost trouble.

5:49

But you know, in some ways that's a really good analogy of the approach we have taken again and

again.

5:55

By the sheep and then build the ground.

And then build the fence, right?

5:58

And you know, some people think, no, that's good, why don't you just build the fence first, right?

But the advantage of that, and it creates a sense of urgency, like, because it's so easy to be like,

6:13

oh, we'll get the sheep after we build the fence and then you put off building the fence.

Exactly.

6:17

And so you never get a sheep.

You never get the fence done.

6:20

Thank you, babe.

That's why I do this so often.

6:22

So I'm like, we'll we'll build a fence first.

Well, then I would never build a fence, right?

6:25

There's no way because it took up all this time.

So I'm like, no, I'm not going to do that.

6:29

But if I my sheep are running down the road, I'm like, OK, I got to go work on the fence.

So it creates that urgency that requires you to to give time to making that a priority because you

6:42

already have the sheep.

And so, yeah, while we have taken this ready fire aim approach, a lot of times I think it works out

6:48

the best because it creates that sense of urgency, necessity, plus you also do get to enjoy the

benefit of having the sheep along the way.

6:56

I mean, it is fun to have me.

Chasing them around all the time, letting them out every day.

7:00

But it's so.

Fun, you bought these sheep.

7:03

That's your job.

But you know, they've had babies and it's cute.

7:07

And so it's like, oh, it's an experience.

And our girls will say, oh, I love having animals and watching them out grazing in the field, just

7:14

little things like that.

I look out in the morning off my balcony and I can see our little teeny herd of sheep.

7:20

And you know, so that we've enjoyed all of that in the midst of you fixing the fence along the way,

right, Rather than waiting until we had the fence first, which again would, we'd still be waiting.

7:33

I know that.

And our pig had piglets last night.

7:36

So we're all excited about that.

Oh, it's awesome.

7:39

No, it's great.

And I would say the, the same is true with investments.

7:42

This, that was a really great insight, Rich, because if, and I see that we've done this, the people

I work with do this and like, well, I'll just, I'll start saving up and I'll, I'll kind of look for

7:51

an investment.

I'll see if, you know, see if something pops up, see if there's some real estate or for an asset.

7:56

And I'll just kind of keep my eyes open.

Months pass and then years if, if we aren't keenly aware, sometimes decades.

8:04

And like, hey, what about this investment plan?

You're like, yeah, you know, I've been working.

8:08

I I put a little aside, but, you know, then that thing came up and then that other thing came up.

And the kids needed this.

8:13

My wife wanted that.

And so you know what I'd set aside for investing, We now, you know, we, we put it to something else

8:19

and I'm like an asset or like just an expense.

And, well, it was an expense and, you know, I haven't really seen anything.

8:25

Well, how hard have you been looking?

Well, no, not really.

8:28

You know, I've been.

And so that's what happens.

8:31

So in our case, we're like, hey, you know, we could have taken the long we'll get there someday kind

of thing.

8:35

In someday aisle is is a little aisle in the sea with it doesn't exist.

And if you wait around for someday, it seems more comfortable and convenient.

8:45

And it often seems wiser.

Right.

8:48

It seems safer.

Then you're like, no, there's an opportunity right now.

8:51

Am I ready for it?

No, I'm not.

8:52

Let's take it anyways.

And it makes for a really great story afterwards, right?

8:57

But it but just like the sheep fence, it creates that urgency that requires you to give attention to

fixing the fence because you've got you've already got the sheep and they're going to get out.

9:07

But they get out.

OK, let's dive in.

9:09

I've been excited all week to get back to this episode.

Like super crazy excited.

9:13

There's there's so much to talk about, so much to think about.

I was just sitting here just thinking on this because so last week we had some technical

9:22

difficulties.

Yes, I was wondering are we having technical?

9:24

That's I was like, make sure we're not having technical difficulties again.

And so we kind of cut it short and we just barely touched on.

9:30

Now, by necessity, we cut it short.

Well, the computer and camera decided just to cut it short, they just stopped working.

9:37

So this time I want to dive in deep to these really, really great questions.

So let's do it again.

9:43

Now, but this time we do and we talked about that.

We want to emphasize more on the homeschooling aspect of this question, but we probably will still

9:52

cover with the other question now.

It's all interconnected.

9:55

Should I read the whole thing again for those?

So I'll just read it so you don't have to go back and you don't have to go back and watch the other

10:01

episode to know what we're talking about.

My husband and I are successful real estate brokerage business owners.

10:06

I'm a driven, focus, successful businesswoman with a desire to slow down and be the best mom I can

be for my kids and to be more present.

10:15

Being a business owners allows for flexibility.

We have more options with our time and our money than being quote hired to work for a company.

10:24

But it also comes with stress.

The goal we have for our children is to love Jesus, to live for him, To be independent, smart,

10:31

capable individuals to that can handle life.

To be able to think for themselves and solve problems.

10:36

To be well-rounded.

To learn languages, culture, instruments, history, science, math, English, computer skills, sports,

10:43

health and fitness, financial management.

To cook and clean for themselves.

10:47

That is so beautiful and we're going to touch on that a lot today.

I'm considering homeschool but I don't want to be the only teacher in their lives.

10:57

I want them to experience high levels of learning, to be challenged and also to experience society

at its best and worst.

11:04

I'm too controlling.

I want what's best for our kids and in my desire to create the above, I mean strict and controlling

11:09

which pushes our kids away and causes resentment with public school.

It gives me a margin to do the things I need to do for work with afternoons, evenings and weekends

11:19

to pour into our kids and teach them.

However, I am very tired and feel spread thin with the high expectations I have for myself and for

11:27

them and with the four kids.

And I feel the best hours of their weekdays are being taught and led by underpaid teachers trying to

11:35

corral the masses.

Is learning really even happening with public school?

11:39

They get real social experiences in addition to learning.

What I would like to consider, is there a way where we can homeschool with a better quality

11:47

education and still create margin for me to get work done and for my kids to have real social

experiences that don't just revolve around extracurricular activities?

11:58

Yes, again.

Homeschool kids can be awkward kids.

12:01

Yes.

I don't really want socially awkward kids.

12:03

I'll.

Just jump in right there.

12:05

That's because of the parents.

It's not because they're homeschooled.

12:07

It's because of the parents.

And the way you can test that is like, wait a minute, are there awkward kids in public school?

12:13

Wait for it.

Yes, there are.

12:15

And, and I came to that realization when you and I so I was actually, I was working as a private

public school teacher and a, and a private school teacher.

12:22

I was involved in all of that early on when we first married and we were home schooling.

We were considering homeschooling.

12:26

And I'm like, I don't want my kids to be awkward and weird.

And I was going and teaching and I was like, hold up.

12:31

I got, I got dozens of really awkward, weird students that have been in public.

And so I started asking like, Hey, are you homeschooled?

12:40

Is this your first time in public school?

No, I'm in public school my whole life.

12:43

I'm like, it's not public school.

Then it's not the system.

12:48

I'm like, well, what is it?

Because there were some homeschoolers that were solid and when we first started teaching, it was in

12:54

a community that had a lot of homeschoolers.

And this was 2022 years ago.

12:58

And so I, I wanted to see him.

Like some of them were absolutely solid and some were awkward.

13:01

And then public school kids, some were solid and some were awkward socially.

Like what, What's the determining factor?

13:08

And then I, you know, fortunately I got to meet all the parents as they would come in for whatever

reason.

13:12

I'm like, there's the common denominator.

So if you want your kids to have social skills, you have to have social skills and lead them into

13:20

that.

Yes OK tangent back to the question.

13:24

I don't want super sheltered kids.

I want them to be well-rounded.

13:28

I'm afraid if I homeschool I will be overwhelmed.

I would rather be kept at a distance to save them from myself.

13:34

But I would like to believe there is hope and that I can actually surprise myself at being good at

this and actually want to be with my kids.

13:41

And that I'm actually teaching them and I have my emotions under control and that I'm the best role

model for them.

13:47

I get overwhelmed, annoyed and over stimulated.

That's the not the kind of mom I want to be and that is not the kind of teacher I want for my kids.

13:54

I want to be good at this.

I want to be better.

13:56

I don't feel I have enough time to improve on myself to be the mom and teacher I need to be for my

kids.

14:02

I'm super raw, vulnerable and holding back as I write this and I want to believe I can have an

extraordinary family life.

14:07

Yes man, every time I hear this I'm like only give her high fives and hug and be like, this is the

best.

14:12

It's beautiful, it's amazing.

And we really went in the last episode into the points about being overwhelmed, annoyed,

14:22

overstimulated, the necessity of connection and of setting up time chunking and blocks and systems

and strategies for that.

14:31

So to.

Reiterate that it's all about strategy.

14:33

So overwhelming stress is all about strategy because overwhelming stress only happens in our heads

and it usually happens in our heads when we're not really clear about our strategy.

14:41

But if I have an awesome strategy and a great system and a plan and I honor my plan, there goes

overwhelming stress and all the accompanying consequences that she mentions about, Oh no, now I have

14:52

to be controlling or then I get upset or I can't control my own emotions.

All of that is just a result of not being strategic enough and not having the systems in place.

15:00

So we discussed that in the last episode, so please go back and listen to that so you can hear those

strategies.

15:06

This time I really want to dive into the homeschooling question.

I want to start by saying this unbelievable list she lays out of what she wants for her children and

15:18

I want you to reread it in a second so it's fresh in our heads.

So when you when you get the desired outcome, you have to absolutely critical you attach it to a

15:31

corresponding method.

This is where a lot of people fail in life.

15:36

They want one thing and they choose a method that doesn't create that result.

So if I want target A but I'm using strategy, they're not correlated, so the method I'm using will

15:54

never produce the result I want, so I have to be willing to change my method.

What she describes in this list cannot be, and I say that boldly and confidently, cannot be

16:08

accomplished in public school.

And because it's so extensive, actually it cannot be accomplished in mere homeschooling.

16:16

And this is really why we got into what people are calling to world schooling, or at least our

variety of world schooling, because there's so many varieties of doing it.

16:24

But the list she describes so well can only be accomplished by a unique version of world schooling.

I would boldly declare that that is the only method that will produce the results you want.

16:38

So at that point we all have to ask, do I actually really want those results?

Because if I do, if I want those results enough, I have to change my method.

16:47

Well, and I think the point ultimately that you're making here is that if you want to create

extraordinary results, you have to take extraordinary measures like you have to do extraordinary

16:56

things.

Otherwise, ordinary methods produce ordinary outcomes.

17:01

Somebody asked me that question last night.

I was interviewed on a podcast and they said, what's the difference between extraordinary and

17:05

ordinary?

I'm like, it's the extra, right?

17:09

Right.

And in this case, if you want an extraordinary outcome, you want kids to become extraordinary adults

17:15

and get an extraordinary education, it's gonna be the extra.

Yeah.

17:19

And so you have to have that extra style method to get the results you want.

So we we read the list just so it's refreshed.

17:27

So, but just to emphasize even a little bit more, if you send your kids to public school, because

that is the ordinary method, I mean, that's what most people do.

17:37

So we can all agree that that's the ordinary method.

Homeschooling them is going to produce something a little bit extra, a little bit more

17:44

extraordinary.

Absolutely.

17:46

But then if you want to go even beyond that, then you have to take it another level of extra.

And that is what essentially you mean with the world schooling.

17:55

People may not totally comprehend what you're talking about, but what we're saying is expanding the

schooling from just home and out into the world with experiential learning on a higher level.

18:05

Well, that's why I want you to reread the list, because she mentioned several things in this list

that can only be thoroughly learned and experienced abroad.

18:12

Yes, right.

OK, So the goal for our children.

18:16

OK, before we get into it, I was going to say because I love that she has this list because you and

I also made a list.

18:23

First of all, you and I made lists about what we wanted in our spouse before we met each other.

That was important.

18:30

And then when we were married and were taught before we had any children, we read a book about

homeschooling.

18:36

We talked about and decided to do homeschooling.

We made a list just like this one was actually much longer about what we wanted to for our children

18:47

in their homeschooling journey.

And now I actually, we've made it into PDF.

18:51

It's a must must know no skills for young adults, right?

So we have a whole list of it of essentially everything we put on there.

19:01

But the idea is you need to have lists like you need to know what it is you're after because

otherwise you think, oh, my kids need an education public school.

19:10

There you go, done education check.

And again, if you want more extraordinary results, you have to think bigger than that.

19:18

And it starts with making less.

That's that's very naive trust.

19:22

You think that?

Well, of course, the people in this school and the people running a school, they want my kid to have

19:28

a world class education.

Of course they do.

19:30

I mean, that's why they're there.

They must love children and youth or they wouldn't have become teachers.

19:35

And I mean, they're there to do what's right for my kid.

And the best?

19:39

That's.

For my individual child, that they're unique.

19:43

And their.

Potential.

19:44

It's so naive, it's not the case at all.

To love Jesus, to live for him, to be independent, smart, capable individuals who can handle life.

19:53

Stop right there.

Even that's.

19:55

Very complicated.

Yeah, that's so complex and there's no way that's happening in public.

19:59

It does not.

And the major reason it does not is because school is designed.

20:05

And this is not my opinion.

This is the research that's out there, that's proven, that's backed up the history of schooling.

20:13

It's designed to create compliant.

Rule followers.

20:18

Who don't know how to think?

Who aren't trained to make decisions for themselves?

20:22

Who are?

Told what to do and are expected to do it right now.

20:25

It's specifically designed that way because first of all, the original school system, the idea of

the public school system, started back in Prussia and they were trying to raise soldiers.

20:38

Basically, they wanted them to have basic literacy skills and whatnot, but also to follow orders.

That model was brought to the US specifically during the industrial age so that they could raise the

20:51

literacy rates of the population and prepare them to work in factories.

So it is very much built around the idea of sit still, do what you're told, follow instructions, go

21:06

here when the bell rings, go there when the bell rings.

Like it's all very intentional.

21:10

It's created that way now before.

That real concern or interest in each learning style learning ability interest.

21:17

And talents before that, if you were educated, it happened at home and it usually happened with

tutors and mentors that homeschooling was the original right.

21:30

And then and then public school came into being.

And then of course, now we call it government school.

21:35

It's run by the government.

But so the very model of how the public school system works means that by default, your children are

21:46

not going to learn to be independent, smart or capable individuals who can handle life.

You're not going to learn to love Jesus either.

21:53

Well, because it's illegal to talk about Jesus.

That's cool.

21:59

OK, then of course the next one to be able to think for themselves and solve problems.

Nope, not going to happen in pro school.

22:04

Because again, the goal in public school is not to learn to think for yourself.

Because when you think for yourself, you actually become a disturbing element.

22:14

You become a problem because you're asking too many questions and you're disrupting things.

Disruptive.

22:20

Exactly.

You're not letting the teacher get through the curriculum or get through get to the test like it's

22:26

interrupting the factory of production.

And like she mentions these tired, underpaid teachers trying to corral a bunch of, you know, wild

22:36

kids.

The last thing in the world that that teacher can handle is a bunch of kids saying, well, wait a

22:42

minute, what about this and what about that and challenging and questioning authority and

challenging ideas.

22:50

Which that is exactly how learning to think happens.

We did an entire episode, you and I about allowing your children to quote, UN quote, talk back

23:00

because that's how they learn how to think.

When your children, when you say something to your child and then they say, well, wait a second, no,

23:08

what about this?

That is their brain learning to think.

23:12

Now, if you shut that down and you say, don't talk back to me, which if your parent doesn't work, if

you're a teacher because you have to do that also does not work.

23:23

If the outcome is learning how to think, allowing children that space and that freedom to be able to

talk back like that is how their brains learn how to think.

23:34

So the very environment of school doesn't allow for that nor for solving problems because they're

not trained to solve problems in school.

23:42

They're trained again to follow directions when your child has the freedom at home to be able to

figure out how.

23:48

Yesterday did this with my 11 year old.

I wanted her to practice the piano more, but I'm not teaching her because one, I'm not a piano

23:57

player or teacher.

So I'm like, your older siblings figured it out.

24:03

They taught themselves how to play the piano.

I need you to figure it out now.

24:07

I'll help you.

But you have to figure out a system that works for you to learn to play the piano.

24:13

That's problem solving, right?

And it's tough and it's difficult.

24:17

And there was years.

Yesterday, because it was, it was difficult, but I said, but this is the part of homeschooling.

24:24

You need to learn to play the an instrument because it's good for you, it's good for your brain

development, but you have to find the system that works for you.

24:32

You have to solve the problem.

Yes, and education has to be self-directed right?

24:36

It has to be and so at age appropriate levels.

Learning to solve problems is having it be self-directed because you're the one leading the

24:44

education exactly and solving the problems.

So this is The funny thing that people don't often get.

24:52

They think their kids learn from the curriculum, but in a homeschooling setting they learn by being

self-directed.

25:00

They learn by figuring out problems on their own.

This entire idea of solving problems that happens in homeschooling not from the curriculum they're

25:08

taught, but by the process of solving the problems they face.

And learning how to learn.

25:15

Exactly I.

Love that.

25:18

Yes, so so when we look at it like that, like the foundational framework of public school is to

learn to follow directions.

25:26

The foundational framework of homeschooling can be because it's not always that way.

Some parents set up their homeschool just like a school.

25:34

So there's small difference I.

Want to address that.

25:37

But so essentially the entire framework is self-directed like this is your education.

Figure it out, solve the problems.

25:44

I'm here to help you, but you are in charge.

The basis itself is is thinking for themselves and solving problems and being independent and

25:54

gaining in capability.

Everything she has in that first two lines happens by the very nature of the framework of

26:01

homeschooling.

Yep.

26:02

If if it's done appropriately.

It's done correctly.

26:05

So one of the fundamental problems is that we've all, you know, been born into the system that is

relatively young in the history of the world, but it's pretty old compared to us.

26:13

We come into life and we think education means somebody, one person standing in front of a group of

people telling them things.

26:19

Oh, that's education and it's not.

And and taking them through a curriculum that was outlined by someone.

26:24

By somebody in some government office that's hopefully been shut down, that's what we're talking

about.

26:29

That is not education.

It is not education for one person to stand there and tell other people things.

26:35

That is not education.

And so that's in it it it's happening in public school setting and that's wrong.

26:40

If you set up your home school and she even alludes to that like I don't want to be their only

teacher.

26:45

Good.

You should.

26:45

We're going to get to that point because you shouldn't be.

And it's impossible if you're the only teacher, your children are going to be very under educated.

26:53

Yes same with me right?

If I were my kids only teacher they would be limited by all my limits and luckily I'm leading them

27:01

to other teachers so they expand past my limits.

Yeah, so while I was going to say there's a great quote, I think it's by Aristotle, but I'm not

27:09

sure.

Education is not the filling of a bucket, but the lighting of a fire.

27:15

And it's that entire idea, like the the framework of the public school system is you're you are a

bucket student and I'm going to fill you with information because I'm the teacher, because I'm the

27:26

teacher and I have the information and I'm going to give it to you.

Or the other idea, it's not filling a bucket, it's lighting a fire.

27:34

You want to spark something in them, it catches them on fire.

That gives them passion and excitement for learning, for life, for growing, for studying and, and

27:44

digging deep into things.

That's the idea.

27:47

And that fire does not come by someone filling a bucket with water, right?

It's just, it's completely incompatible.

27:55

And then we wonder, why do our kids hate learning?

And why are they incapable and why are they incompetent?

28:01

And why are they struggling with mental health?

And why are they, you know, lacking initiative?

28:07

It's because we've literally been dousing them with water, trying to fill their buckets instead of

sparking flames to light fires.

28:14

OK, the list continues to be well-rounded.

Languages, culture, instruments, history, science, math, English, computer skills, sports, health

28:23

and fitness, financial management, cooking and cleaning.

All of that and more and more has to be happening at home.

28:31

And then you've got to take them out to see the world, the language, culture, history that has to be

experienced in person.

28:39

Now, obviously you can do some studying.

You can do do a little more immersion schools and you can, you know, study history from the books or

28:47

videos or podcasts.

And that's all great.

28:48

But when you go into a foreign country and you challenge yourself to communicate with the locals in

their language and you learn, as they say in Spanish a la Fuerza, by force of being thrown in a

29:02

situation where you've got to figure this out.

Kind of like the sheet fence.

29:06

Yeah, you get in there, you're like, oh, OK, this is real immersion.

Well, cuz it's one thing to be like, yeah, I'm gonna learn Spanish and I'll study it here and there.

0:00

But it's a whole nother thing when you're in a Spanish speaking country and you're like, I cannot

29:18

buy groceries unless I learn some Spanish words.

Exactly.

29:21

It's all of force and you have to do it.

And it's so real.

29:25

And then that's how you experience the culture and the traditions and the religion wherever you are,

and the people and the magic and the history.

29:33

And then you go walk through places like Ephesus in current day Turkey.

When you walk through this two or three story ancient library that they had 2000 years ago, it's

29:48

unreal.

When you climb the ancient pyramids in Egypt.

29:55

Or Mexico too.

But yeah, yeah, we did climb.

29:58

We didn't climb the Egypt ones, unfortunately.

I wanted to.

30:00

That's forbidden.

Or when you climb on the pyramids in the Mayan or Aztec pyramids or Incan ruins, you and I have

30:08

climbed to the Incan ruins like but this is unreal.

That is something, you know, as you're talking about it here, I'm thinking, yeah, of course it's so

30:17

incredible to have that experience.

But so many people don't know what that's like because they have not been to any sites like that.

30:24

And so I guess I want to re emphasize the importance of that.

Like there is something that is cemented in your soul and, and you, it's like you're literally

30:34

connected to the timeline of history when you go to a place like that where that's been in existence

for thousands of years, Like there is, I don't know how to explain it.

30:45

There is something special there.

There's something very unique where you, it, it's like you step into history in a way.

30:51

You step into that space and time.

And for one thing, you, you can't forget it.

30:58

It becomes a part of who you are.

And so it becomes much more relevant to your children when they learn about things and then can make

31:08

a real connection to time and space by visiting an ancient site, right?

We've been to the Colosseum in Rome, and we've been to the Vatican, and we've been to Pompeii.

31:18

You know, we've been to all these incredible places.

And trust me, when you actually learn about those places, your kids are way more interested because

31:27

they have been there or are going there well.

I thought of a recent one that was so powerful for me and for the whole family and our friends that

31:33

were with us.

We went to the place where Cristobal Cologne, we call him Christopher Columbus, he launched just

31:39

about an hour from where we live right now.

And we went over there and they have the replicas of the Nina, the Pinta, Santa Maria.

31:44

And when you climb on those and you walk around that.

You think about San Andreas, Atlantic.

31:49

I'll think across the Atlantic in this little thing.

Yeah, this is crazy.

31:54

They're like, how did they, Where did they go to the bathroom?

What did they eat?

31:57

Where did they sleep?

Yeah, because they're so, like, dead.

32:00

Thing and your kids are walking through they're going wow, whoa, they crossed the ocean this that

was brutal and now it's real.

32:08

We saw the place where they left from.

We saw the replicas of the ships.

32:11

It's real now and it's so powerful.

To Sevilla, which is not too far from there and went to the cathedral, which is the largest Gothic

32:21

cathedral in the world.

And they have some of his bones in the in that cathedral.

32:28

I mean, it's just so magical to make these connections and then to see these monuments built and

even something as simple as like to love Jesus and live for him.

32:38

You know, when you travel, travel around the world like we have and you have see the cathedrals that

were built in the name of God, that adds a level of respect that you're like, wow, this is

32:49

impressive.

Yeah, right.

32:53

Or you go to like the Barcelona.

The.

33:00

Sagrada Familia, which is a cathedral that is going to be finished this year, isn't it?

Next year, 2026, it will be finished.

33:07

They've been building it for like 140 years.

It's still, it's still being built.

33:14

Yeah.

Like, that's incredible to me that people are still building this thing even to this day.

33:21

It's so awesome, awe inspiring.

That's what I was.

33:26

Going to say awe inspiring.

Yes, it's magical.

33:30

Then you go into.

Other can't be done just sitting at home.

33:33

Yep, we're sitting in a public school classroom.

Cannot have the same experience.

33:37

Trust me, there is no way that can be duplicated in any other way than by actually doing.

Yep.

33:43

Experience there.

There's no replacement for experience.

33:46

Gosh, I so my mind is just popping now with all these places we've been.

Originally, I went to this library.

33:51

It was an ancient library, at least 900 years old, and it was all handwritten.

This was in Morocco.

33:57

This is at the very edge of the Sahara Desert.

Yeah.

34:00

So it's on the very edge of the Sahara.

And there was a big library there.

34:03

And then there was a big library in Cordoba, Spain.

And those that was the route from Africa into Europe and through those two places of learning.

34:10

And this is around 1100.

And if I remember right at, you know, at it's height, 1000 volumes of handwritten books, scrolls,

34:19

scrolls essentially well, and books too on every conceivable subject, medicine and biology and

mathematics.

34:28

It was all there.

And the handwriting was exquisite, like the best printers and, and designers who created it with

34:37

the, the design on and the art and the beauty and the wonder.

And it was unreal to stand there and think, these are these are at least 900 years old and these

34:47

centers of learning.

Can you imagine 15,000 volumes just in a little library at the edge of the Sahara Desert where

34:55

travellers would come through and learn?

Oh, man, it was so cool.

34:59

Yeah.

And experience things like that is just life changing.

35:03

So if you want the things that are on that list, and I hope you do, I hope everybody listening to

us, then you have to do more.

35:10

You have to do that extra.

Yeah.

35:11

You got to do the extra for the extraordinary.

But OK, so then she continues, I don't want to be the only teacher in their lives.

35:18

I want them to experience high levels of learning and to be challenged and also to experience

society at its best and its worst.

35:25

So this is kind of.

That requires travel.

35:27

Well, in a way, this is kind of her protest against why she doesn't want to home school.

Because she thinks if I do, I'm going to be the only teacher.

35:35

They're not necessarily going to get high levels of learning from me and plus they're not going to

see the best and worst of society because they're at home with me.

35:44

But like we've already been saying, all of these are essentially addressed.

Well, not necessarily all of them.

35:49

The high level, I'm going to talk about that in a minute, but to be challenged and to experience the

society and best at worst, that also happens when you're traveling like that for sure happens.

36:00

You get to confront every interaction you have, from the hotel desk clerk to the taxi driver to the.

Guy on drugs?

36:09

Drugs in the in the subway to like you see society at its best and worst when you're out travelling

just by default.

36:15

Just go to any major city and you see the best and worst of society.

And so, yeah, if if you are just homeschooling and you're sitting at home, you're right, you're not

36:23

going to be exposed to all of that.

But that's why you you have to do the extra.

36:29

Nor will a child who goes to public school.

They're going to see some toxic weird crap going on in the school.

36:34

But it's it's like that's not even a good representation of society.

It's just this weird little.

36:40

I think it.

Petri.

36:41

Dish of weirdness.

I think it could be because you're going to have good people and bad people, you're going to have

36:47

the best and the worst.

So I think in some ways to support her argument, yeah, I could see how sending them to school would.

0:00

It's a warped version of it.

36:57

In a way it is I think though, because it.

People of a similar age, where does that exist in society?

37:02

Yeah, it's unnatural in that form because it's peer group based and that's not real to real life

because that's the only place it really exists, right.

37:13

Even in a workplace, you're generally going to have more diverse peer groups than that.

So it's kind of, it is unnatural that way.

37:20

I agree.

And I think because of that unnatural peer group peer grouping, it does produce those toxic outcomes

37:26

we're talking about.

Because we have noticed traveling the world and interacting with thousands and 10s of 10s of

37:32

thousands of people that public schoolers tend to always be a little more harsh, mean bullying.

There's more of that that occurs and I think that happens and secure.

37:44

Yeah, edgy.

It's it's not a health they lack.

37:46

Confident they lack they lack self esteem and I think that from.

Peer approval.

37:54

And actually now I think I know that that comes from being in a group for the majority of your day,

your time.

38:03

That's pure grace.

And in fact, there's a fantastic book about it that I would highly recommend.

38:09

It's called Hold On to Your Kids.

And he talks on this subject so beautifully about how it's so detrimental to a child's mental and

38:17

emotional health to have this peer based group as their major influence because they have to have

their parents or a mentor figure that can guide them and instruct them.

38:28

He's like, otherwise it's the blind leading the blind.

And of course, they all fall into a ditch because nobody can see.

38:34

And so it is a really big deal actually.

Like, it's a huge deal if your children spend the most of their time with their peers and they're

38:43

not going to listen to you as much because they don't have that attachment relationship with you.

And two, they're going to be inappropriately influenced just by, even if it's good kids.

38:54

Just by association.

Just by the fact that they're still children, not adults with wisdom.

39:00

And that's really what kids need during their formative years.

They need an influence from someone who has some wisdom that's going to point them in the right

39:08

direction instead of just like, hey, this is what I think.

That may or may not be a teacher, and there's some great teachers in the system who do have wisdom

39:16

and life experience and they actually have a brain and use it.

But there are a massive amount of teachers who are clueless and uneducated and unrefined and lack

39:29

life experience and lack wisdom and have horrendous, horrible ideas, yeah, that don't play out in

any way, shape or form in a healthy life or a healthy society.

39:39

And they're in there sharing their dumb ideas.

Besides the fact that the great teachers, there's only one of them and many, many, many students

39:48

they have to deal with.

So they cannot give that same time attention, focus to your child just because your child needs it.

39:56

What should they do?

OK, so, but back to these two other ideas.

40:00

She doesn't want to be the only teacher and she wants them to experience high levels of learning.

Well, the amazing, incredible thing about the day that we live in, which was not a possible 50 years

40:08

ago, is that we have the Internet.

When we started.

40:12

Yeah, you're right.

It wasn't even possible 20 years ago when we started homeschooling.

40:15

We have access to the Internet nowadays.

Now.

40:17

This seriously is life changing.

If if we could fully understand how life changing this is, I think everyone would be homeschooling.

40:27

They would if they realized I can have my children can have access to the very best teachers on the

planet.

40:36

Where do I sign up?

Like that's what I'm doing.

40:39

And that's actually what you have.

You do not have to worry about ineffective teachers, teachers with toxic ideas, teachers who are

40:47

just trying to corral the masses because from home you can outsource your children's education and

give them literally the best education possible from the very best teachers in the world.

41:00

Of all time.

Of all time, right?

41:03

Aided now by AI.

Well, AI by online schools by.

41:08

Well, but yeah so say AI is the supplement but you can get access to the greatest teachers,

thinkers, leaders, instructors, mentors, coaches of all time and very affordable, readily available

41:20

so you.

Demand.

41:21

You're not stuck with whoever happens to be at your little local school and why are they living

there and why are they working there?

41:29

And you ask any one of them, it's probably out of some form of lentils and desperation.

And and so you're like, well, no, they, they know nothing.

41:35

Who cares if they have a teaching certificate that has some little degree?

They're just stuck here and they're going nowhere in life.

41:41

Tangent for a second, besides the fact that I read the book called The Smartest Kids in the World,

the US literally has one of the worst education systems.

41:49

On the planet, well, OK, OK, there's some pretty bad.

Ones there's some, there's definitely ones that are way worse, but the the countries that have the

41:58

best school systems in the world, like Finland, like Scandinavia, like they really value the

education level of their teachers.

42:07

In fact, I think it's Finland where they teachers there get the equivalent of a doctorate.

So they become doctors like our doctors do in the United States, but that's so they have the

42:18

privilege of teaching and then they go through a residency program where they learn how to actually

teach effectively as opposed to the United States.

42:26

They literally, I read this book, OK, this is backed up.

It's proven.

42:30

It's not just my funny ideas.

They will allow practically anyone to teach any subject, whether or not you studied it or not in

42:39

college, as long as you have a four year degree.

And a teaching.

42:43

Certificate and a teaching certificate.

You can teach anything.

42:45

You could hate the subject, you could think it's the worst thing in the world.

You may not know anything about teaching and yet you can still be a teacher.

42:53

And this is one of the reasons why we have horrible results from our school system.

Besides the fact that the Department of Education won't talk about that.

43:00

But, you know, there's just not I think we got.

To emphasize that a little bit, because anyway, any of you who have a 40 year degree, you know, it's

43:09

a piece of cake.

Like I got a 40 year degree and like whatever I like, I stayed up late once, spent most time

43:16

snowboarding and rock climbing and mountain biking and dating.

And like, it was, I had a blast and I made the Dean's list every semester, went all the way through.

0:00

And this was a, a, a very good big university and, you know, well known for its academic rigor.

43:32

And like now obviously, I mean, it's, it's easier for me than for some people.

I love learning and, and learning, it comes easily to me.

43:38

But I, I flew through there.

I'm like, OK, that, that definitely wasn't hard enough to qualify me to be a teacher.

43:43

Then in addition to that, I went through a two year pedagogy program.

Like learning how to teach.

43:48

That was what was critical, right?

I learned how to teach for two years.

43:54

Because it's a skill.

Where you know a teaching certificate is this lifted up to a couple little things and you threw it.

44:01

Crazy through a teaching course from the public school system and like one of the things they told

you was like, make sure when you erase the chalkboard, you do it like this and not like this because

44:12

otherwise your butt should and kids laugh at you like that's the thing they're teaching.

Great, which is good to know you don't want to be shaking your butt in front of the whole class.

44:20

And but, but like, come on, let's learn how to be world class teachers.

But but now that's all.

44:25

It's all solved.

Like the best teachers and thinkers on the planet have made courses, written books and made videos.

44:31

They're putting it out there more and more of it is free or really cheap.

So really it's home sourcing.

44:37

And I know you and I highly, highly recommend that if there's any way, shape or form that this is

possible, go for it.

44:44

Try it, figure it out, knowing along the way you're going to have to figure things out.

You don't have to get stressed about it.

44:50

You don't have to be controlling.

You don't have to be crazy about it.

44:53

You don't have to fight it or force it.

You just set up systems and strategies.

44:58

Say, look, look at these resources.

It's good stuff like Neil deGrasse Tyson for science and physics and astronomy and the Peterson

45:09

Academy.

Well, yeah, so obviously parents are going to be like, wait, what are those resources?

45:15

And you know, I should compile a complete list, but just off the top of my head, my kids currently

use Aceles Academy.

45:23

There's of course, Khan Academy.

There's our daughter does Peterson Academy, which is now college level.

45:29

But you know, just so you know, going into the future, all of MI TS courses are online for free.

There's Coursera, there's another one I think it's called like Edu Academy or something.

45:39

There's Quill for grammarquill.org.

There's I don't know, on and on.

45:44

Like there's so many there's.

Every level.

45:46

Having a hard time even thinking of them all but.

The little one, master.

45:48

Class.com, yes, you know, so there's so many resources out there.

It does take some work, like I think the hard part in this case, especially if you're just starting

45:58

out, is doing the research to figure out what all the resources are that that's available.

There's monster math.

46:05

There's there's another one that was actually started by Elon Musk.

That's an online science and math school.

46:12

Anyways, I will put together a list and I'm going to make that available because that's valuable.

But the point is, it's out there.

46:20

Well, OK, at this point now you can also just jump on AI.

Just jump on rock and say, hey, I have a chat.

46:26

I have a nine year old.

I wanna do some home school and I wanna just have what are the, what are the best resources

46:31

available?

Don't Kick It Out in less than 30 seconds.

46:34

You'll have a phenomenal list.

That's what I did yesterday with my 11 year old is that we were talking about the piano and I'm

46:39

like, OK, you're gonna have to figure this out, but I'm like, let's use chat to help us come up with

some ideas.

46:44

And so I said my 11 year old wants to teach herself piano.

What are some resources?

46:48

It gave me 6 right away.

And so we looked through them and then she picked the one that seems most pleasing to her, right.

46:54

And so that right there is a tool you can use to help you in your home schooling and being quote UN

quote, the teacher or administrator of your own home school.

47:03

In fact, using chat or Grok are fantastic ideas because then whenever you're stuck, you just can ask

for that, like what do I do?

47:12

How can I help my child learn the subject?

And it's going to come up with a ton of ideas.

47:16

So yeah, that's, that's a great resource right there.

OK, so then she talks about being controlling, which I think we'll talk about in a minute again.

47:25

But she brings up this very important and relevant point that makes sense.

And I understand with public school, it gives me a margin to do the things I need to do for work,

47:38

right?

So I get that many moms, I think, do send their kids to school because it gives them the freedom to

47:46

do other things.

And that's a legitimate thing, a legitimate case, but not, I think, what.

47:52

Is it in Super Bowl?

Is that the right word?

47:55

It's not like in.

Super Bowl.

47:57

Is that it?

Am I making up words?

47:59

I thought you said in the Super Bowl I'm like.

It's not in the Super Bowl.

48:02

What I want to say is like, OK, so your kids are home.

Is it possible to still have hours to yourself?

48:09

Absolutely, 100% right.

Totally.

48:10

And we'll talk about that in a second, but I just want to acknowledge that yes, that is a real

thing.

48:17

And I I can empathize with that.

But the point is, if you want this list, if you want the extra list, unfortunately that's not going

48:26

to suffice.

And that is the truth.

48:28

In order for me to achieve the things I have with my children, I had to make sacrifices, Me the mom.

And some people don't want to do that.

48:36

Some moms don't want to do that.

They don't want to sacrifice their personal time, their personal ambitions for this type of outcome

48:44

with their children.

And so if that's their choice, OK, great.

48:47

But what I am saying is if you do want this, then you do have to make those sacrifices.

But at the same time, there's still a way.

48:53

Like I still have been able to build my own business.

I've still been able to pursue my own things.

48:58

So there's still a way for me to home school, especially when we can use all the resources we have

now available to us while also pursuing my own thing like it's possible.

49:10

And this, this is related to what I was saying earlier about results and method.

So if you want those results, if, if you, if you hear this, listen, yes, that's what I want.

49:18

Then you have to question your methods of saying, well, but, but I like the convenience and comfort

of just sending them off and doing my own thing.

49:25

That method is not going to get you the results you want.

So we have to.

49:29

Every single one of us has to be willing to take the good, hard, honest look.

The uncomfortable truth of the methods I'm using will not produce the results I want.

49:37

And that's one of the major reasons for that is because the results we've been able to produce come

hand in hand with spending lots of time with our kids, quality and quantity time.

49:50

That's one of the foundational pieces.

If we don't, if we spend, the less time we spend with our kids, the less influence we have over and

50:00

with our kids, the more time we spend with them.

Even though initially, like she mentions in here, it feels frightening.

50:07

It feels like we can't handle.

It feels like it's too much.

50:10

It feels like we're not enough.

Even though initially it's that way.

50:15

The more time you spend with your kids, those are obstacles that have to be overcome and in in the

process of overcoming them, you actually grow and gain that capability to be able to do that.

50:27

And that's also how you get the results you want.

There's no other way like that is the path.

50:33

So we have to again, question our methods if we want to get different results.

And one of the methods to get better results with your kids is to actually spend more time with

50:44

them, not less.

And doing quality things.

50:46

And I was writing that down, capturing that idea.

Like doing quality things but also sometimes even just more time could be more influential.

50:55

But anyway.

Yeah, quantity matters.

50:57

There's no substitute for that.

But I just wrote down, I just wanted to capture this idea for myself.

51:02

Like comfortable, convenient methods do not produce extraordinary results.

Exactly right.

51:10

That's true.

OK, So she acknowledges, though, that, you know, in theory that still gives her afternoons, evenings

51:16

and weekends to pour into the kids and teach them.

The problem with this is that for many of us, our best hours are not afternoons, evenings and

51:24

weekends.

That's when we want to relax.

51:26

That's when we want to stop doing so much effort.

You know, that's when we kind of wind down so.

51:32

Those are like the chill connecting.

Yeah.

51:35

So a great time is to connect to your kids but.

It's not a great time for teaching, not a great time for education, not a great time for the most

51:42

intentional efforts, right?

That's during primary daytime hours.

51:49

And as she says, I'm very tired.

I feel spread thin with the high expectations.

51:53

Yeah, that's very natural, normal.

I am in relax mode in the evenings, and I think that's true for you, Like, and afternoons and

52:03

weekends, like, that's when we want to relax, not give our best to our kids.

OK.

52:09

Yeah.

So I feel the best hours of their weekdays are being taught and led by underpaid teachers corralling

52:14

the messes.

Is learning even happening again?

52:17

Like we already talked on this, the best hours of the day are during those daytime hours.

And so it only makes sense that if you want to get this extra effort, these extra results would be

52:29

to capitalize on those best hours, right?

So then the key is that you use the resources.

52:36

Is there a way we can homeschool with a better quality education?

Yes, by using the resources available to you so that you become the home sourcer, not the

52:44

homeschooler, not the homeschool teacher with the home sourcer and still create margin for me to get

work done and for my kids to have and then for my kids to have real social experiences.

52:55

So that's just taking them out and having real social experiences, like not just putting them in a

can, a can.

53:01

It's because like most schools are built like prisons and just like you put them in a little cinder

block box box and and like, hey, with all people's same age and like.

53:11

That's not a real.

Social.

53:12

This is socializing.

No it's not.

53:14

Take your kids out to see the world and interact with other humans and the full scale extremely

wealthy to extremely poor and everything in between.

53:21

All the religions, all the cultures take take your kid.

Those are social experiences.

53:26

Yeah.

So there's a couple things I want to say about that.

53:28

One.

First of all, you don't have to.

53:30

If you're sitting here thinking like, well, I can't do that or I can't afford that, well, you don't

have to.

53:35

If you're saying anything you can't, yes you can.

You can.

53:38

There's a way.

You just have to get intentional about it.

53:41

But first, you can also just start locally.

You can start in your own town.

53:44

Like what museums are there, what sites, old folks homes, what community centers?

You know, even in places in the United States, there's Buddhist temples you could go visit or or

53:57

Muslim mosque or like get creative and be like, what is what is there around me?

What's available?

54:02

Where where can we do a field trip?

You could go to the fire department.

54:06

You can go like we've done so many different things.

Even in places when we were just living in small little towns in the US, You just have to get

54:14

creative and actually get out of your house and go have experiences with people.

Now the other point is, yeah, it's a very, she mentioned in here a couple times about having real

54:24

social experiences.

And I'm like, I just don't agree with that.

54:27

Like my viewpoint now is school is not a real social experience.

In fact, it's a very fake, unnatural 1.

54:34

And that's because in the rest of the world you don't have the same age pair groups.

And so my take is actually, I feel that home or public schoolers are very awkward because they don't

54:45

know how to interact with adults and they don't know how to interact with children, right?

Or people who are completely different, different backbones, they have no idea.

54:54

Yeah.

They're only comfortable associating with people their own age and.

55:01

They're not even good at that.

Even not even that good.

55:03

At them to another school or you're taking to another group.

We, we, and again, we, we're saying this because I've been working with youth for 28 years and 10s

55:10

of thousands.

They're not even that good at interacting with people of their own age.

55:14

They struggle with it and you're like, what have you?

What have you learned?

55:18

And what they learned was to be really clicky and to meet a couple of people.

And even in that it's just endless drama.

55:24

A youth are still to this day constantly complain.

What do I do about drama?

55:28

A friend drama, all these people, this and that and the other gossiping and being me and making fun

of ditching.

55:33

I'm like, it is the weirdest, most toxic social behavior out there.

And it's it's all happening and being fostered and conditioned into them and the government school.

55:45

Said it's normal.

Yeah.

55:46

So then you're like, they're all, well, we call it normal because it's so common, right?

Well they all act like idiots so that must be normal.

55:53

And I think, you know, maybe what this mom is referring to is that she wants her children to be able

to interact in those situations comfortably.

56:02

Socially awkward.

But to me I'm kind of like, why though?

56:06

If if you can look back and see that it's toxic, then you're like, why would I want my children to

be able to interact in that, right?

56:16

And.

So, you know, you're right.

56:17

This is so good.

It's another important point here because a lot of people, they don't home school because they're

56:22

afraid of the social.

They're like, I just want my kids not, I don't want my kids to be socially retarded.

56:26

That's the thing I hear all the time.

And they just dismiss it with that.

56:29

But if we stop and say, well, wait a minute, do a list like like the original list for education, Do

a list for social skills.

56:34

Like what?

What?

56:36

What is it actually?

When you say you want your kids to have social skills, what does that mean?

56:41

Well, as an adult, I want them to be able to go into the workplace and work with coworkers.

OK, that's very different than what we're talking about.

56:51

I want them to be able to interact with strangers or clients or patients.

I want them to have good table side manners and bedside manners, Right?

56:59

And learn how to engage with people appropriately.

Want them to learn how to have disagreements, how to have conversations with people they totally

57:07

disagree with.

How do you handle conflict arguments?

57:10

How do you handle difficult people?

Like, there's a list of really awesome social skills that need to be developed and it's not.

57:17

Don't just assume it's happening in public school.

It's not.

57:20

Especially if there's not very specific and intentional adult.

I'm using the word intervention because.

57:28

An instruction.

Yeah, adults.

57:30

Someone who has those skills needs to be able to interfere in a way that can help teach the teens

and kids those skills, because otherwise it doesn't just happen naturally.

57:40

It doesn't.

Man, when I worked in the in the school system and I've, I've worked with a lot of teachers across

57:46

the the across continents, literally.

And so many of them had very low level social.

57:55

Skills, even the teachers themselves.

That's what I'm talking about especially.

57:58

It was wild in the in the in the faculty rooms or just trying to have conversations.

I went and spoke at conferences and the teachers come up and try to engage with them.

58:07

They had very poor social right.

So we can't assume.

58:12

People that are trying to teach the this is right.

We can't assume that social skills are automatically being taught just because of a child is going.

58:21

I think we can safely assume that that poor social skills are being conditioned.

And social skills that apply only to those peer groups.

58:31

You know, our children, our teens have come across this where they will try to interact with a group

of public schoolers.

58:39

And it is, it's awkward to them.

And I'm sure from the other side, they think our kids are awkward.

58:46

And maybe they say like, see, homeschoolers are awkward.

Our children are just used to having, I would say, adult conversation.

58:53

Absolutely meaningful conversation.

So they're not.

58:55

Have our low end tolerance for fluff.

Right, Yeah, they don't do well with fluff.

59:00

Now if as a parent you think, well I want my kids to do well with fluff so they can go in and they

can chit chat, well, OK, we're the wrong people to ask about that because.

59:09

We don't know.

We've even, but there's the people have said that about you and I well.

59:12

Wait, they're like, well, it's awkward around the Dennings because there there's no small talk and

it's like, yeah, absolutely.

59:18

I am not going to gauge in small talk with you and our kids are the same way.

But as you're saying that if the parents sitting here, well, I like small talk, I want my kids to be

59:26

engaged small talk, then by default your kids will be great at small talk because you are.

Yeah.

59:30

If you love small talk, guess what your kids are going to do small talk.

If you're going to try to small talk with me, it's going to be awkward for you because I'm like.

59:38

Right.

Nope.

59:38

I'm not talking to you about the weather.

I literally could care less, you know, celebrity drama or whatever this that.

59:45

I don't care less.

I am going to ask you like about your life dreams and goals and what you're working on and how's

59:52

your marriage?

Yeah.

59:53

How's your marriage doing?

Let's talk about your sex life and then let's talk about how you need to lose some extra weight and

59:59

let's let's get after it.

Let's go.

1:00:02

I only talk about things that actually matter.

And people go so awkward dog in the Denning side.

1:00:07

Yeah, cuz we are going for meteor meaningful things.

No fluff Meteor OK.

1:00:14

As in meat?

Everything, yeah.

1:00:15

Meat.

OK, that makes sense now.

1:00:18

I was like, what are you talking about meteorites here?

All right, so socially awkward kids, super sheltered kids.

1:00:24

Again, if you are at home all the time, they're going to be sheltered.

But the key is the key is to get them out into the world.

1:00:30

And many are many.

So, yeah, many homeschoolers are.

1:00:32

Because Mama is Mama is sheltered and insecure and afraid, and she lives like a recluse in a rural

town and she keeps her kids that way.

1:00:42

So is it homeschooling?

No, it's small.

1:00:44

Yes, I would say that's.

Very he's leaving her kids out and and helping them see things and see the world as it actually is.

1:00:52

Then don't.

There's no concern for that.

1:00:54

Yeah.

I would say generally whenever we've come across that, it does always connect back to the mother.

1:01:00

The mother is someone who is doesn't want to get out, doesn't like to go do things, likes to just

control her little environment and.

1:01:08

Afraid of the big bad world?

Yeah, got to question your methods.

1:01:13

Exactly, I would like to believe so I keep them at a distance to save to save them from myself.

Back to this idea, though, the only way through is through.

1:01:26

The obstacle is the way, yes.

So if you're afraid of this, the only way to do it is to do it.

1:01:31

OK, this is so powerful.

It's so good for all of us.

1:01:34

If there's something I don't like about myself, the response is, well, I'm going to keep my kids

over there so they don't pick this up.

1:01:41

Instead of I should change this about myself so that my kids don't pick it up exactly.

Again, change the method so if there's something about me that's weak or not great and I notice it.

1:01:51

So I noticed in myself, I know my kids will pick it up.

So what do I do?

1:01:56

Do I keep my kids away from me?

Do I try to hide and cover up this thing?

1:02:00

Or do I just fix it so my kids don't pick it up?

And that needs to be our approach.

1:02:05

Fix it.

So if I have a temper and I can talk about this because I did it, I had a crazy temper.

1:02:10

If I had not gotten rid of my temper, guess what my kids would have?

They would all have crazy.

1:02:14

Yeah, they would.

1:02:15

They would have crazy tempers and I would be like, what I, I inherited.

This is because I have red hair, whatever.

1:02:21

And they would.

No one in our family has a temper because.

1:02:25

Because I eliminated you.

Never had a temper.

1:02:27

And whenever Rachel gets mad, she doesn't privately.

I just get mad at Greg.

1:02:31

I was kidding.

OK, so.

1:02:33

Actually, you get mad and I'm there just to kind of shield and receive all of the that.

I rarely direct my anger at my children, even if sometimes I feel like they contribute to it.

1:02:45

Right, But and I think the reason why.

Actually, is how it should be.

1:02:50

Well, yeah, I'm on the receiving end.

As you're processing out loud and feeling all the emotion.

1:02:56

I take it all.

Right and.

1:02:58

Then I just throw it away.

Let's.

1:03:00

Talk about this second because I it's important and I think it connects into her additional points.

I get overwhelmed, annoyed and over stimulated, frustrated, angry, all those things.

1:03:10

In an ideal situation, for the most part, children should be sheltered from adult emotions, at least

age appropriately.

1:03:20

Now, it is also appropriate and helpful at times to share measured amounts of your emotions with

your children so they understand that you're not just like a robot and you have no feelings.

1:03:32

And sometimes that helps.

You never experience all the emotions and feelings of life.

1:03:36

Right.

And sometimes my children actually learn empathy or understanding or whatever by seeing that their

1:03:44

behavior can cause me pain, right?

So that's an appropriate thing.

1:03:49

But if you want to have this extraordinary type of relationship with your children, because in these

relationships, we are the adults, you and I, the parents, we're the adults.

1:04:00

We are the ones who need to be bearing the burdens.

We are the ones that need to be managing our emotions.

1:04:06

We are the ones that need to be handling the problems, not throwing it all, venting it all, vomiting

on our children.

1:04:14

That's just not appropriate, nor is it healthy.

And they are not built to be able to handle that.

1:04:20

In fact, prefrontal cortex isn't even fully developed until the age of 25.

S younger than that, your children are not meant to bear your burdens.

1:04:29

That's your job.

In fact, even more, you're meant to carry their burdens too.

1:04:36

So we have to become way more capable and competent so that we can not only carry our own problems,

but carry our children's problems.

1:04:45

I just got another comment question about this today.

In fact, we'll have to do a whole episode about it because it was specifically about, well, two

1:04:52

different moms in the last couple week have asked one of your clients and the one of mine, they have

young children, 3 and younger, but there's two of them and you know, they just need all of that

1:05:03

attention all the time.

And they're like, what do I do?

1:05:05

I'm trying to put a boundary so I'm not touched out.

And my response was, no, that's not your their job.

1:05:11

Their job is not to protect you, your job is to protect them.

Especially at that age, you have to come up with strategies that help you recover from being touched

1:05:20

out rather than limiting the amount of touching they can do.

Because this, these ages specifically are so critical to that mental emotional development is that

1:05:33

you're only causing yourself future problems.

You need that deep attachment physically.

1:05:37

Have to have that.

Everything just connected to you, yes.

1:05:40

So you're there safe space.

That means you need to be there for them as much as possible.

1:05:45

Rather than saying no, I need my space like push them.

Away.

1:05:48

We can't.

We can't put boundaries on toddlers and babies.

1:05:51

I forget why I was talking about that, but.

That's important.

1:05:53

Very important.

OK.

1:05:57

I think just to finish up here that ultimately, you know, I feel don't feel I have enough time to

improve on myself to be the mom and teacher I need to be for my kids.

1:06:08

And this is kind of I think this actually ties in perfectly with where we started with the sheep and

the fence.

1:06:14

You know, like if you wait till you build the fence, if you wait until you feel good enough, like

you're a good enough mom, like, OK, now I've been working on my stuff myself.

1:06:26

I'm a good enough mom now.

I can handle it.

1:06:28

And the kids are gone.

Now the yeah, literally the kids will be gone by the time you get to that point.

1:06:33

The only way through is through.

The only way is to get the sheep now and build the fences.

1:06:38

You go like it really is.

Yeah, I love that.

1:06:41

Pull the kids out and figure it out.

So if if you want to home school, if you want anything on this list, if you want the extra, the best

1:06:50

way is to just do it.

Just go for it.

1:06:53

Literally pull them out and start figuring out.

And that's how I did it.

1:06:58

Like many times I'm like, OK, I don't know what we're doing.

I don't know how you're learning, what you're going to learn, but you're going to come home and

1:07:06

we're going to spend time together.

We're going to have a relax.

1:07:09

Because the other amazing part of homeschooling is just the lifestyle piece.

Like everything in life becomes a part of the curriculum.

1:07:17

So you might even start by like, wow, you don't even know how to make your bed.

Let's start there.

1:07:21

Wow, you're not brushing your teeth very well.

Let's start with brushing your teeth.

1:07:25

Like, that's the curriculum today.

You don't know how to make yourself breakfast.

1:07:28

Let's do that.

You don't know how to get into a mental positive mental state.

1:07:33

How to recover?

Let's do that negative mental state.

1:07:34

Let's.

Do that.

1:07:35

So that begins that.

That's the beginning of your curriculum.

1:07:39

That's the basics there.

You start with these basic things so that not only are is the goal to get your kids an education,

1:07:47

but to help them learn how to live life well, to help them learn how to have good habits.

Mine and our Our primary outcome was always that our kids are genuinely healthy and happy exactly

1:08:01

that they enjoy perpetual inner peace and contentment, that they're fulfilled, they live meaningful

lives.

1:08:09

They're just good human beings.

We were excited to wake up every morning and live life and do things that actually matter.

1:08:15

Very few people live that way.

Extremely few people live that way and so that was our primary target.

1:08:22

And so if you think that the most important thing is the academics, then I think you're missing out

on the major benefit of being able to home school and have an extraordinary approach like this is

1:08:35

because it does come down to, that comes down to learning.

And again, learning together as a family because you don't necessarily know how to do this yourself.

0:00

Learning how to live in this state of peace and happiness and joy so that every day is this

1:08:50

wonderful journey together rather than some sort of battle.

And you know, this battle, battle for control, trying to get your kids to do the things or go to the

1:09:00

places or do the stuff or do the homework or whatever it is like all of that.

That doesn't have to be how you live your life.

1:09:07

It can be beautiful and peaceful and enjoyable and magical.

So and she even said the very beginning she wants to slow down.

1:09:14

Yes.

So slow down, all of you listening.

1:09:16

Slow down.

Especially ambitious, driven moms.

1:09:19

You guys are awesome, but you got to slow down.

You kind of need somebody there just pumping the brakes for you a little bit.

1:09:25

Like just slow down.

Just just chill and be present in the moment and enjoy that and and slow down from you know,

1:09:33

obviously Rachel and I are we're totally into and that you're saying.

Weird.

1:09:40

We we are totally into a world class education.

We are, we think academics are so important for sure, but they're not the most important and they'll

1:09:50

come easily and better to a healthy mind and body.

And so you, you focus there, you slow things down and, and then it's, it's actually really easy to

1:10:01

start building out a strategy.

I was going to say a curriculum and we could we could use.

1:10:06

The words still.

I guess because.

1:10:08

The curriculum could be any, it could be sort of learning.

It has to include being and living and slowing down and enjoying life.

1:10:19

So it's a curriculum that fits that because I know it'll happen.

You'll come over like I'm build my curriculum and you outline everything and put, you know, every 15

1:10:27

minutes structure and I'm going to do this and this and this and this and it's crazy and you

sustainable.

1:10:33

They hate it.

You're both blowing a gasket.

1:10:36

Just slow down.

So create your strategy, your plan, your curriculum, but slow down and enjoy it.

1:10:43

And I keep thinking I I can't let go of this idea that Grok.

Just download grok.

1:10:47

If you never use it, just open a phone, get download, grok.

Or chat or chat.

1:10:51

Chat's a little more feminine, I.

Know it's nice.

1:10:54

OK, So grab one of them and say, hey, just give me, you know, my kids are this age, this age and

this age, and I live in this area.

1:11:02

Give me 50 things we can do, activities, outings, trips.

And then you'll have your list.

1:11:08

And that list might last you all year.

And there you go.

1:11:13

So you don't have to be like, okay, the next 50 days I have to do all these.

Just slow down.

1:11:17

Like now you got it.

It's like, okay, this child, I would like them to work on these subjects, give me some activities,

1:11:24

some learning activities, maybe make me a couple of worksheets that I could print out, little

activities.

1:11:30

What are some options?

What are the resources available online?

1:11:33

There's so much.

So you literally have the most brilliant PhD right there saying how can I help you with your home

1:11:41

education and world schooling strategies?

OK, so I'm dying to say things here.

1:11:45

What if I have more to?

Say, I know I have to interject now though.

1:11:48

So one of the things though, actually, actually a couple things I really have to say.

One of them, though, is in order to, I think, be the most effective, it's best to follow your

1:11:58

children's interests.

So, you know, the worksheet thing made me think of it.

1:12:04

Some of my kids hate worksheets.

Some of them love.

1:12:07

So just this whole thing, like print out a worksheet, doesn't necessarily work with every child.

If your kid wants to do worksheets, fantastic.

1:12:15

Print out some worksheets for them.

If they don't, don't make them do worksheets because they're just going to hate doing school at

1:12:22

home.

And then you're going to be like, see, I tried it, I failed, and I have to send my kids back now.

1:12:26

And most boys hate worksheets.

And so you'll say that.

1:12:28

So I have a 10 year old boy.

He can't stand worksheets.

1:12:32

Give me some other ideas of activity, hands based things that he can do.

Yeah, exactly.

1:12:37

The other thing I want to say, and again, we're really just throwing out a lot of ideas here, but

that's because it's meant to spark ideas for you and spark inspiration and, and some passion here.

1:12:48

I have heard, and I've used this myself, that one of the best approaches, if you're brand new here

and you haven't done homeschooling or it's been a while, one of the best things you can do is a

1:12:59

period of time that you can call either deschooling or unschooling.

And it's essentially like you don't need the curriculum, you don't need the schedule.

1:13:08

It's just like, whoa, let's all just take a break to recover because I'm not going to say this.

A school life is literally crazy.

1:13:18

Like, I don't know how people do it.

I really don't.

1:13:22

We have such a beautiful, slow, wonderful life morning routine, like just rhythm.

It's so wonderful.

1:13:31

I don't know how people do it where they get up early and get their kids out the door and it's chaos

and it's mayhem and it's crazy and it's stress and it's yelling and it's crying.

1:13:42

That is no way to live for me.

I don't get it and I could not do it.

1:13:48

It's so hectic.

It's so hectic, it's so crazy.

1:13:51

It's so unhealthy mentally, emotionally, physically.

Like it literally it's physically unhealthy for a child to get up that early.

1:13:58

In fact, it's best for all people to not wake up to an alarm at all.

That's honestly the best way to live if you don't have to wake up to an alarm.

1:14:07

And that's how we live.

You just wake up when your body wakes up, and it's amazing how your body gets into this rhythm where

1:14:13

it usually wakes up at the same time.

You don't need an alarm, but you don't jolt yourself out of a sleep by some alarm because you just

1:14:22

wake up when your body's done resting.

That's how children are meant to live.

1:14:25

That's how we're meant to live.

And it's so much healthier that way.

1:14:28

So part of this process of again, home schooling is not just about the education, it's about it is

about the education, the full holistic education.

1:14:37

It's not just about the academics, it's about learning to live.

So if you have a period of time where you de school, like, let's just figure out like let's recover

1:14:47

from sleep first of all, right, and actually get some sleep.

Let's figure out our own bodies rhythms and our families rhythms.

1:14:54

And like, what do we want to be doing and how do we want to be spending our time?

And what would we do if we didn't have to do all the things we have to do right now?

1:15:03

Part of this.

It only works if there's not a lot of tech or devices because otherwise your kids are going to be on

1:15:10

their devices the whole time and that's what they'll be doing.

And that that doesn't count.

1:15:13

That's not unschooling, that's not deschooling.

That's dangerous.

1:15:16

It's just endless entertainment and visual.

Track.

1:15:19

So it has to be, I would say as much as possible device free, but it's a period of time just really

seriously reconnecting with yourself as a mom, them reconnecting with themselves as individuals.

1:15:34

And reconnecting with the love of learning, listening to books, and reading.

And reconnecting as a family, right?

1:15:40

So I think that's a beautiful, wonderful way to start a homeschooling journey.

Low pressure, no pressure.

1:15:46

And you get to then introduce things along the way as you feel inspired to do.

Like, like reading, like, OK, let's read a book together or let's start reading every night.

1:15:55

Or let's start, you know, let's start doing crafts from the books we read.

You know, like we read Little House on the Prairie.

1:16:00

Then I got the Little House on Prairie cookbook and we made stuff.

You know, it's like very, very natural and very interest driven.

1:16:07

You know, you're following your passion and interest there.

It's that spark that we talked about.

1:16:12

You're lighting the spark that sets the fire, not just trying to fill their heads with information.

And those of you who are overachievers or just high achievers and you're driven and ambitious, you

1:16:21

might be sitting here wondering like, what about academic rigor?

That'll come, yes, it'll come at the right time.

1:16:26

And it usually it's not the right time until the later teen years.

That's when there's a time for academic rigor and you like, but my kids will be behind and what

1:16:35

about this?

And I want them to XYZ.

1:16:38

And we get caught up in all these social expectations of all that.

Just chillax.

1:16:43

Make sure they love learning and on their own.

When they hit those teen years they will Start learning like crazy.

1:16:50

They'll chase it down and do the hard work because they love learning.

Yeah, that, that's what I was going to say.

1:16:56

I mean, I think really the right time is when that's what they want, because it's never the right

time if you're forcing them to do it.

1:17:03

That just doesn't have good outcomes.

So it's something they want and you think, well, they'll never want that.

1:17:09

They will if you set up this type of environment where the love of learning is natural and, and a

part of their life.

1:17:18

And not all of them because not all people are academics and that's OK.

But the ones who are like they're going to dig into that and thrive with that because they love

1:17:28

learning.

My 18 year old just, she loves learning, she loves studying.

1:17:31

She's taking Peterson Academy.

She just asked me the other day, she's like, how do I really become like a scholar on this subject?

1:17:38

And I'm like, OK, girl, that's fantastic.

That's what she wants.

1:17:43

She's asking for it.

And it's because she has that foundation and that love of learning.

1:17:49

Awesome.

OK, go for it.

1:17:51

Full send.

Get clear about what it is you want, identify the methods that will help you get what you want, and

1:17:59

then make the sacrifices and the extra effort to become extraordinary.

Love you guys.

1:18:06

Again, Rachel has tons of resources on this.

Tons.

1:18:10

So it's all built in there And, and this is what we do.

We have our resources.

1:18:15

Jump in there, get the stuff, join the groups, do whatever it is you need to do to help create the

extraordinary family life that you long for and live for.

1:18:29

Love you guys, reach upward.