Get answers to your questions about marriage, parenting and family life from experts and parents of 7 children!

Rachel Denning (00:00.942)
Good morning my friends. Welcome to another episode of the Extraordinary Family Life podcast. It is still really dark outside and I've been up for over two hours already learning and growing and writing and thinking of you guys and improving myself and creating a vision and realigning my life with the vision. I love it. I love getting up early and having this. You know everybody in my house is out cold.

And it's just this quiet, beautiful time to get focused and get prioritized and get energized and get my mindset and everything ready. So today, my friends, we're going to talk about something that I'm just so excited about. And it's just a simple philosophy, but it makes a gigantic difference. And it's all built around this question of like, are you here to play or are you here to win? And it matters.

It really does matter. I mean, think about it. Think about the things where you've gone into it in life, which is like, yeah, you know, we'll just see versus what can I do to win? What can I do to win in this specific thing? And the way you approach it, it like affects your mindset, your skill set, your strategy. Everything you do is altered by, well, you know, I'm just going to give it a try versus no.

What do I have to do to make sure to guarantee my success in this thing? It's really interesting. I've had a wonderful privilege of mentoring youth and adults too for over two decades. And I love everyone I meet everywhere. I love asking people like, what's your dream? What's your goal? What are the big things you want to do in life? What's your bucket list? Right.

I love asking people that because it reveals so much and it's such an exciting topic and I love helping people think about their dreams. In fact, we had a live training last night in our extraordinary family life formula group coaching membership. It was really awesome and I was asking again, like, what are your dreams? What are you excited about? What are your desires? What is it you really want? It's interesting.

Rachel Denning (02:25.486)
Every time I do that in a group, there are people like, oh man, I kind of gave up on dreaming. I've been so busy and so focused on other things or so distracted or just so caught up in getting things done, you know, checking off the to do list that I don't even think about my goals and dreams. And so I want you not only to think about them, but to think about winning. Right. Like we have this mentality of this.

kind of, it's weird. We have this kind of participation award and they give the kids like, oh, everyone gets a trophy for participating. Everyone gets awarded. Everyone gets praise and honor for showing up. And we've lost this. I think in many ways we've lost this desire and strategy and drive to not just do it, but to do it well. And so in working with youth, I often ask them like, hey, what do you, what do you want?

And I very, very often get the answer of, you know, I want to get married and have a family and get a career. And that's it. That's what I say. I'm like, and I purposely do this because I want to train them to think differently about it. I'm like, that's it. You just want to get married and have a family and a career. I'm like, yeah, I'd be crazy.

And so I let it sit there for a minute, right? And I'm like, those are great things. But I'm like, well, what about the quality? Like anybody can just get married and have a family and many people do. But I'm like, what kind of marriage? What quality of marriage? What kind of family? What quality of family life? You just, I mean, if that's all you want to do is just get married and have a family and get a job and just exist. Well,

Anyone can do that and many people do. But do you want to win?

Rachel Denning (04:29.486)
Do you want to win in every important aspect of your life? Right? This is this whole podcast is the extraordinary family life podcast. Good is not good enough. And what's interesting, my friends is like the world has changed so drastically and it's so competitive now in every single area of life. And we have so, so much opposition, so many opponents. I mean, things, things have altered.

in our world and our society that like what used to work if you were good just doesn't cut it anymore. Good doesn't cut it. If you're merely good in your thing, well we can apply this to every area of your life, if you're merely good you're gonna get poor results or mediocre results. Just a good, let's do this, if you're just a good parent,

being a good parent isn't going to be enough. I mean, there are so many distractions, so many temptations, so many poles and pushes in different direction for our kids. Like just merely good parenting won't cut it. It just won't. They're like a few decades ago, maybe, right? But think about the insane amounts of distractions and

competing interests and problems that are available. Right. Obviously there's that many great things too, but just to be merely good won't cut it. If you're just a good worker, you're going to get replaced because there's people who are hungry. They're not there to participate. They're not there to play. They're there to win. And if you're just merely good, you're going to get let go. And if you are merely good at, you know, running your business, somebody else will just take over.

Right? There's, there's so much competition in all areas of life. Even, even, even look at this. If you're just merely good, go with me on this one. If you're merely good at just like eating whatever's kind of available, you're going to be unhealthy because of the competition, so to speak, all the offerings in the gigantic grocery stores full of all kinds of stuff. If you're just merely good at it and you just kind of eat what's available.

Rachel Denning (06:56.877)
you're gonna be unhealthy. Right? Because there's so much, it used to be, you know, you ate what you grew or you hunted, right? Or you went to a farmer's market or you exchanged that way. Well, now there's just every kind of offering on the table. And I'll say boldly that the vast majority of what's being offered in our grocery stores is not good for us. And so if you're not strategic about it, if you're not here to win with health, you're just gonna participate, you're gonna be unhealthy.

And so, you know, back to this question, I asked these, these youth and I asked, I want to ask you now, like, what do you, what is it you really want? What are you going after? And I want you to evaluate, ask yourself, just be honest with yourself in everything you've been doing. Are you there just to participate or do you want to win? Do you want to win in marriage or you just want to be married? And for most people, I'll say this boldly too, because everything has changed. Competition.

And again, the stress and the temptations and the troubles and the trials and the challenges and the demands of life have just continued to increase. And our world is changing in insane rates. Man, I can go on all kinds of tangents with this. There is technology coming out right now. And these big thinkers, they're saying within just a few years, within just a few years, maybe, you know, it's 2020 by 2025, you guys.

there's going to be massive industries that will be totally disrupted and replaced by technology. And I mean, it's coming out now, the big thinkers and most of us are like, ah, come on, that can't happen. No way. And it's, there's still the sense of normality, but the, the technology's already there and they're working on it. We just aren't aware of it yet. Cause it's not mass. It's not mass produced, but within just a few years,

entire industries where people have been going to, you know, go into their job and doing their work and doing that little thing. You know, we've had a person assembling it or doing it or checking the numbers, technology, artificial intelligence or augmented intelligence or whatever else like these new inventions are going to replace it. So hundreds of thousands of jobs.

Rachel Denning (09:24.301)
are going to be replaced by technology within five years. So if you're just there to participate, you're going to get replaced. If you're there to win, you're going to think differently. You're going to think, how do I lead? How do I make myself indispensable? You with me? Is this hitting home? This stuff is awesome. So look at every area of your life and just honestly evaluate.

In each aspect, have you just been participating? Are you just there to play or are you there to win? Are you going to win in marriage or just participate? Because again, I'm on tangents all over the place with this idea. But in marriage, if you're just there to kind of participate, if you're just like, well, I just want to be married. If that's been the extent of your thinking of like, I just want to be married, then the...

then all likelihood and I'm not a pessimistic guy, you know this, but in all likelihood, if you're just kind of there to participate in marriage, you're going to end up in a divorce or absolutely miserable. I see it every week. I see it all the time. If you're not diligent, if you're not focused, if you're not in for the long game, if you're not there to win, then competing interests and distractions and temptations and

problems are going to come in and they will win. They will beat you. It might not be somebody else. It'll just be the opponents of distraction or trouble.

And I see it tragically, I see it every week where marriages are falling apart and people are getting divorced because they weren't in it to win. They were just kind of participating and whatever it was, whether it was addictions or bad habits or bad patterns or just, you know, if you're in for with marriage, for example, if you're in it to win, you're literally going to do everything.

Rachel Denning (11:33.581)
you're going to be so deliberate and intentional about keeping the spark alive and keeping the passion and keeping the romance. You're going to work on it. But if you're just there to participate kind of by default, then the, the love grows cold and the interactions become transactional and then boring and then dull. And then people say things like, well, we just kind of fell out of love.

like they're like they're victims to their love. That's something they fall into or fall out of, but it's a choice. And if you're not choosing it, cause you want to win in marriage, you want to stay, you want to keep it alive and exciting and wonderful and loving. If you're just participating, your marriage is going to get really dull and flat. What about when parenting, you want to just have kids or do you want to win?

And I'm telling you, if you are not competitive in this, not necessarily against other people, but against life, against trouble, against challenges, against all the distractions and destructions that are out there for our kids. If you're not in it to win, if you're not competitive against, you know, competing against laziness and

and bad habits and addictions and distraction and, and meaninglessness and just drifting and just wasting away life, right? Are you kidding me? There is intense competition for, for marketers and games and toys and movies. I mean, look at, look at all the things that are intensely competing to get your children's attention and your attention for that matter.

from advertisements to entertainment. They are competing fiercely to get your kids attention. And that's the opposition. Like it or not, that's the opposition. And if we're gonna win, then we've gotta compete too. You with me? Does this make sense? Like we can't just participate anymore. You can't just be like, oh, I'm just here to play. Like, I just wanna have cute little kids and I'll be a good person and they'll be good people. And we'll kind of just do our little cute little life together.

Rachel Denning (13:58.221)
It's not like that anymore. We no longer have that luxury of having the little farmhouse out in the middle of nowhere, unless you want to go like live like that, maybe like the Mennonites or the Amish. I mean, they've they've got something going there where they stay disconnected from it. But if if we're engaged in life here, it is it's a competition. It is because whether you like it or not, or whether you like that mentality or not, there are people competing for.

your interest and for your attention for your time. Even you listening to this, right? They're and me, I'm trying to get your attention with a podcast and with videos and you know, people are sending you emails and they want your agenda. Like if you want to win with your time, like time management is another example. You've got to be fierce. You can't just, you can't just participate. You can't just, you know, first thing in the morning, you sleep in, take your time and then you.

kind of get on your phone and check your emails and you know, scroll through social media and see your messages. And already into your day, you're in somebody else's agenda and doing all these other things and distracted and you're not focused on your one thing and you're not focused on winning in those areas of your life. You're already, you know, you've already been pulled away. Woo! Are you guys feeling this? Like it's huge and it changes your strategy when you're.

dedicated to winning.

So again, I'm gonna keep revisiting this.

Rachel Denning (15:32.461)
which areas of your life are you just merely participating in? You're just there to play, and which areas of your life are you there to win? Now some of you will be like, Greg, winning isn't everything.

Well, if winning isn't everything, what is losing? Like, what are you talking about? Like we're here to win. Now, obviously there's some few things in life where you're like, yeah, I mean, that's not, it's not a big deal. And it's just kind of fun to have it be a part of our lives. Right. And, and there's a few things, but my invitation to you is to reconsider the important aspects of your life and say, you know, just,

Reconsider it. Think about it. Does winning really matter? In fact, does it have to matter because things have changed?

Are you out to just merely stay alive or do you want to have great health and energy and vitality and stamina? Do you want to just feel good? So a lot of this, you know, I know there's, there's youth on here listening and then, you know, there are people in their twenties and thirties and forties and fifties. We're all going to get older. Everyone of us is going to get older, but we don't have to get older with, uh,

pain or disease or severe limitations. That's not the norm. The body has amazing capabilities. And if we take care of it and we stay active, we move our body and we eat good things and we are constantly flushing out the toxins and the waste and cleaning our bodies and keeping it healthy, then we can grow old with grace.

Rachel Denning (17:23.597)
and stay active and healthy and energized and fit easily. You see the people who do it into their 60s, 70s and 80s. I mean, Jack LaLanne is an amazing example of that. Right? If you don't know about him, just do a little research and learn about Jack LaLanne. But, and you with me, like, but we have to be intentional because you want to win. I want to win as I get older. I don't want to just exist.

And so mentally, are you winning or are you just existing? You're just participating. And most people are just participating. Their mind is filled with what other people put in there. All the messaging, whatever. I mean, we literally see thousands of advertisements every single day. And these messages from all over the place. Emotionally, are you just participating or are you winning?

If you participate emotionally, you're just going to feel whatever you happen to feel is you're going to live by default. And again, my friends, you don't have to plant seeds to get the weeds. The weeds are automatic. They pop up automatically. And so if you're just here for participation emotionally, you're just going to be your reactor to whatever is happening. But if you want to win emotionally, you're going to choose your emotion and you're going to respond in healthy ways.

And you're going to be deliberate and intentional about what you're feeling and how you're feeling and why and how long you feel it. But if you're just here to show up and just exist, it's always going to be something else or someone else's agenda. How about financially? Do you want to win financially or do you want to just merely participate and exist the people who are merely participating? And this is getting worse and worse. I've been aware of this now.

really 12, you know, good 14 years. I've been paying attention because I remember when people who are just kind of participating, they were just playing along financially and they were about ready to retire in 2008, they got smashed.

Rachel Denning (19:46.605)
and they lost their retirement.

Rachel Denning (19:50.989)
And I remember that hit me so hard. Like they were ready to retire and they lost their retirement right there. They'd just kind of been going along, doing their little thing. They hadn't been, they hadn't been really saving and really investing and really working and really earning enough to, to make sure their family's financial future was solid. They'd just kind of been participating and then one, one hiccup. And it was a big one in the economy.

Wipe them out.

And I remember the pain and the stress. Oh, but but it continues. It doesn't have to be in a national or international economy either. It can be just in your own individual economy. Some some upset. I've met so many people that they just kind of went along. They made their little monthly payments and they, you know, did their little thing and they just had their little earnings.

Did you guys realize that like less than 1 % of Americans have a savings account that actually save? It's unreal. And people are counting on, you know, social security to take care of them or the government, but the government's gone, I don't know if you've noticed, the government is so upside down, their debt is unreal. So they're bankrupt. And the whole strategy that worked with social security is not gonna work anymore.

So financially, if you're just participating, I've seen people that pay on a mortgage for years and years and years and years and years, and then they either move or they refinance or something happens and they have to take out a line of credit equity or they just make a switch like that because they're like the house got old and they didn't take care of it and upgrade it. And so they make a move. And then literally they've been paying for years and years and years and years and years on a mortgage. And then 30 years later, guess what?

Rachel Denning (21:45.677)
they're still paying on a mortgage.

And like they're just not set up. They don't have a retirement. They can't retire or they retire and they're broke. I mean, the numbers are astounding. You do your own research. This isn't, this isn't my opinion here. This is just research I've come across. I want you to do your own research. The vast majority of people that are 65 ready to retire, they're going to be broke. And because, um, life expectancy is longer, most, the vast majority of people retiring are going to run out of money.

In fact, many of them are running out of money as soon as they retire. I mean, and this is a tragedy of epic proportions. And so that's why I'm like raising a warning voice right now. Like, are you playing to win or just you're participating and hoping things work out? Because my friends, hope is not a strategy. It's not. But if we participate and we play and then, oh man, that's a great point.

A lot of us just play, we just show up to play hoping we win. But we don't show up to win. And so many people are doing that financially. They hope it works out. They're like, well, I got a job, I earned some money. And they're kind of just hoping, hoping something happens, hoping someone will take care of them, hoping somehow that their savings will be enough. And so people will, they'll,

they'll save a little bit and they'll, they'll dump some money into a 401k and then, you know, retirement rolls around. They're like, Oh, I got, I have $500 ,000 in there. Like I think we're good. That $500 ,000 won't last you at all. Retirement, right? That'll go so fast. It's not near enough. So I guess my invitation is like, what do you need to do to win financially? And you gotta be way smarter.

Rachel Denning (23:48.109)
This is why we do our money mastermind group, this monthly group where we meet and we're getting really strategic about earning, increasing what you earn and increasing your savings and increasing your investing. This is why I work with my coaching clients, right? We've got to play to win here. We have to play to win and set things up, think about it, and get strategic about it, because it's a very different strategy just to participate and just to...

and to win, right? It's very different. Woo! I mean, this stuff is so good. So I want you to think in the long game. Obviously, many of us are wired and conditioned for instant gratification. Right? We live in a very time we want it right away. And so we often give up what we want most for what we want at the moment. And that's a that's a there's a clear distinction there of, you know, playing to

you know, showing up to participate versus showing up to win. And a lot of us are playing the short game, so to speak. We can't see past the weekend or even today. We're just trying to get through the moment. And we're not thinking about, wait a minute, if I'm really going to win here, if I'm really going to succeed, what's the difference? What am I doing differently? Many businesses fail because they're not there to win. They're just there to participate. And so they get pushed out, right? They get over out done. If you're, if you,

any business that is going to just kind of coast or drift or hope they'll just stay in business, they're going to be outdone. They're going to be out hustled. Someone else is going to come in and make a better product. I mean, the innovation is happening at unbelievable rates in the economy. And if we don't have, if we're not in strategically to win and continually improve and serve people more and better, somebody else will come in and do it. And

Yes, we have to have a sense of urgency and yes, we need to push our limits and we have to maintain a long game perspective and we have to be able to push through the grind, right? There's a lot of grind in life and a lot of us like that. We don't want to do the hard work because that's, that's where we get into trouble, right? The strategy to win. It requires work. You look at, even if we compare this to sports or.

Rachel Denning (26:12.717)
learning a musical instrument or something like to win those things takes a tremendous amount of effort. And a lot of people, they don't want to put in the effort. They want to participate without the practice, without the training, without the hard workouts. And you can see in athletics, especially, or in arts, the ones who push hard and become champions, they have the championship mindset, a champion mindset. They...

They do way more. They do way more work and practice and training. I mean, they do things in a much bigger, better, higher way. It's incredible. And on average, I think I shared this quite a while ago when we were talking about the book Talent is Overrated and winning and succeeding. It was interesting, like they said on average,

others another book i i mentioned always looks before but town is overrated and so good they can ignore you i think it's in so good this can ignore you they went studied uh... all these you know great great musicians and they found you know there was there was great musicians and then there was the best the very best and they wanted to say what what's the difference and they found that they spent i think on average you know five or six hours more heard

day practicing than people who are just really good. Right? It again, are you there to participate? Are you there to win? And you have to decide each of us has to decide which area of our life is most important. And which ones do we need to have the winning mindset? You know, and we hear we hear of these overnight success stories, right? And they're pretty loud. People want to share those stories, but

The underlying reality is always that success demands effort. Winning is strategic. And so every one of us needs to create a great plan and then stick to the plan and get clear about it like right now, right? If we don't stop to think about winning, then we just kind of go along with it. We're just kind of, we're participating by default. And we're just not, most people just aren't, are not strategic enough.

Rachel Denning (28:39.085)
You guys with me on this? Like this is exciting stuff and it's super important because the months will pass and then the years and then the decades. And if you, if you merely participate.

Rachel Denning (28:56.397)
I just want to raise a warning voice out of total love. If you merely participate, it won't be enough.

It won't be enough for your marriage. It won't be enough for your kids. It won't be enough for your health. It won't be enough for your finances. It won't be enough for your impact.

Merely participating won't be enough.

And I want less. This is why I'm doing this today with and I'm trying to repeat it and emphasize it. I'm trying to reach you and saying, please don't just be a participant. Show up to win.

Rachel Denning (29:37.197)
Put in the effort, put in the thinking and think about it right now. Like if you're listening to this right now and congratulations by the way for listening to this and being here and doing this, so you're doing the right thing and thinking about it, right?

And when you're clear about it right now, when it's on your mind, this is when you need to execute or create a plan and then commit to stick to the plan.

create a plan and then commit to stick to the plan. Because if we don't, if we don't create a plan when we're clear minded about it, when it's when we're feeling, you know, the emphasis of it right now, are you listening? You're like, yeah, whoa, man, I need to be way more strategic about that part of my life. Then you need to write down a plan right now. And then put it up and then stick to the plan commit to keeping the plan. Because otherwise we get distracted. Right or

Again, here case in point with like the house or the finances, right? When there was a sense of urgency and in a sense of like I got to win, you know, people made plans, but then later on they didn't stick to the plan. They're like, oh yeah, no big deal. Like, yeah, let's just upgrade our house or let's just and they didn't have, you know, the increased income to do it way more increase income to do it. Or they thought, you know,

Yeah, we can do this. No big deal. Let's just pull out equity here, a little line of credit on the house, do some remodels or, or we can use some of this credit to take this trip or do that thing or, you know, make the yard a little bit nicer. And they didn't really think through it. Like how are we going to win financially here? And so they put in the nice, you know, the nice decoration in the backyard, in the pool or whatever. But then, you know, they're ready to retire and they still got a mortgage.

Rachel Denning (31:27.501)
And they kind of by just participating and not really thinking through the winning and the plan and sticking to the plan They've given themselves in trouble. So we need a plan for contingencies before they happen When when things are working You know take take a brief break to reevaluate and reset and and go when they stop working early on pay attention to the warning signs

I love this. I wish we were all together and we were in like the in a little conference or seminar retreat together and we could just walk through like each step of like, okay, where have you been participating? Where do you need to be more strategic to win? Right? And where where have you been allowing exceptions and deviations and exemptions? Right? And the more we do that, you guys, the more we let off the hook, the more we're like, oh, it's not that big of a deal.

The more like, well, you know, we're still doing, I still go to work. I still have my job. I'm still, I'm still here in the house. I'm still, we're still married and the marriage is good. And we're, you know, we're still, I still spend time with the kids, right? We, we talk ourselves into this kind of participation level versus winning level. Yeah. You can spend time with your kids and you can be a good person, a good parent and a good marriage. But again, with the competitive nature of the world and the way things are going.

It won't be enough. Merely being good will bring you poor results. Woo. So the whole world is becoming a meritocracy, right? Where you get what you deserve. Let that sink in. The whole world has become a meritocracy. We all, I only get what I earn.

Right? And if I show up to win and I'm strategic and I get in everything I do at a higher level, then I get that reward.

Rachel Denning (33:30.669)
Man, this stuff is powerful.

and it seems a little overwhelming and it seems like a lot of work and it is and buckle up. Let's do it, right? Isn't it worth it? Would you rather have the added quote stress of extra effort and strategy or the insane stress of getting down the road and realizing, oh, I should have invested.

in my kids, in my marriage, in my finances.

I can't even tell you how many times I've met with just completely heartbroken parents.

who wished they would have invested more in their kids. But as they were raising them like, oh no, they'll be all right. They'll be good enough. You know, we, we, we talked to them here and there and we kind of do things together. They'll be good enough. And then after tragedy and disaster, and then tens of thousands or even hundreds of thousands of dollars of investing, trying to get their kid back to a healthy life. I met one couple, they ended up all along. They're like, well, we don't.

Rachel Denning (34:42.925)
They were hesitant to spend money on investing in their kids. And then later she told me they'd already spent $250 ,000 trying to help their daughter recover from addictions and problems.

And just with remorse, like, I wish we had invested more early on. I wish what she was saying was I wish we had, we showed up to win, not just to participate.

Oh!

This world is a meritocracy. We will all get what we earn. And so we have to earn it. Yeah. And it's, we're going to be busy and we're going to work hard, but that's great. That's great. Would you rather be busy earning great rewards or later busy trying to dig yourself out of a pit?

Oh man. So plant the seeds, right? Be a seed sower. Sow seeds your whole life. Plant seeds, you know, without expectations right now because you're thinking in the long game, just constantly planting seeds, like literally planting trees and gardens. We all have grown some food, but your financial seeds and your, uh, with your kids, with your marriage, with your, your education, you're, you should constantly be getting new skills.

Rachel Denning (36:07.821)
constantly saying, I, in fact, I would ask yourself every day, like, what can I learn and what can I do that will never be replaced by technology? Especially in economic sense, right? How can I show up to win? Man, I could keep going on and on and on about this. I got, in fact, I've got notes here. We keep going for another hour. Easy. But I just want to encourage all of you to like, go, go all the way in, like don't cut corners.

Don't take the easy way. Don't try to coast because you only coast one direction. Like finish the job. Think about it differently. Like can I please like ask you to do this? I'm willing even to beg you to do this. Look at each important bucket of your life, each important aspect or area of your life and just say what do I need to do differently in order to win versus just participate?

And get honest right now. What do I need to do differently in order to win?

And yes, it makes a difference. We're just, man, we're just wasting so much energy and potential on focusing on the wrong things. And we're constantly worried about, you know, what other people are doing or what other people think of us or what they'll say or, or, or we even, when I, when we talk about this message, like, what are you going to do when they look around like, well, nobody else is doing this. And like all my neighbors are like, and my extended family, they're just.

They're just kind of participating and everything's working out for them. Right. But we don't because of the nature of my work, I get to see the end result of all these actions. Right. I constantly every day I get to see the end result of these actions.

Rachel Denning (38:02.637)
Let me give you a super painful example of a coaching session. I did just this week Of a guy who's just kind of participating in his life. He wasn't really strategically trying to win and in Literally, I mean here's a man He's a grandpa already and just in tears of remorse and pain

tell me the story of how he destroyed his own life.

And then was at a point where he even seriously contemplated taking his own life.

because he hadn't showed up to really win in his marriage. He was just kind of doing the marriage thing and he hadn't really showed up for his kids and for his own personal well -being, his own spiritual journey and his own mind and emotions. And he got caught into terrible addictions, which always lead to worse addictions.

and lost it all lost all the thing and nobody ever wakes up thinking that that's going to happen to them. We all have this interesting you know the mind just plays this game of like oh that'll never happen to me. Right. And so we think we all think no well I can I can just I can play at a lower level I can just show up to play and participate and not really need to win and it'll work out for me.

Rachel Denning (39:37.517)
My friends, we have to show up and go all in.

Oh man, so what are you gonna do to win? And I mean look at every part of your life. Look at the messages you're sending and receiving. Look at the music you're listening to. Look at the emails you're getting. Look at what you're constantly consuming from TV shows to podcasts to YouTube videos. How does everything make you feel? What energy do they bring into your life? What energy are you putting out in your life?

anything that's not edifying needs to go. Right, we have we actually have to get more and more intense about winning. Think about your conversations with your kids. Are they just okay? Are they kind of participation conversations? Are they winning conversations? Think about the relationships you have. Are they just kind of participation relationships? Are they winning relationships? The people you're surrounding yourself with? The things you talk about the things you think about the things you do?

Whoa, man. So this is it, my friends. We're literally all living our life story right now. You and I, we are right in the thick of our own life story. And will it be a winning story or a tragedy?

Could it be just a mere participation story that's not very exciting? You know, how many of us would go and watch a movie or read a book about someone who just merely participates? That'd be so boring, nobody would ever watch it, right? Nobody would read that book. Because the story, the hero's journey is someone that says, you know, no, I'm not just gonna be mediocre. I'm not just gonna...

Rachel Denning (41:27.501)
acquiesce and just go along just doing the bare minimum. What kind of lame story is a bare minimum story? That's not winning.

Doing the minimum is losing. So build your story. Keep trying, keep working, keep failing forward. You're creating your story and your own momentum.

Rachel Denning (41:54.317)
Like we, yes, we have to seek out results, right? And we want to have some measurements where we're winning. But that's your story. You're writing your own story.

Ah, this is awesome. I love this stuff. I hope it's been impactful for you. So get clear about what you need to do differently or better in order to win versus merely just participate. And ask yourself every day, I mean maybe you'd rewrite it every morning, think about it. Am I gonna show up to win? Or am I just gonna show up to play? And each important area of your life, I'm like.

And maybe you'll do that. Maybe you'll go into this say, Hey, am I here to win with this or am I just here to participate? And get clear about it and what because there's going to be a very different way that you engage If it's just a participation versus a win, so let's win my friends because awesome is always an option, right? And every day we're training for greatness Constantly training for greatness and that commitment to greatness is literally determining the quality of our lives So let's win

Let's win the important things in life, the things that really matter. Let's make sure we're winning. Love you guys. Reach upward.